Slow Spinning Redemption
by blairstory
Summary: When a killer long believed to gone is suspected to show back up, Intelligence calls in SVU for help. As the two units deal with ghost of the past, Erin and Jay learn that managing their own past ghosts might be harder and it's not that easy to walk away and not look back.
1. Chapter 1

The crowd at Molly' was packed as it usually was on most nights. Being a civil servant hangout, there are often firefighters and policemen and women on every given night, celebrating a good day with a beer or drinking away a bad one with something stronger. Tonight was a good night for Intelligence team though.

"Here's to surviving a hell of a week and hopefully getting a full weekend off this time." Kim proposed as the rest of the team raised their beer of choice.

"I hear that." Kevin said, taking a large gulp of his beer.

"A whole two days off," Hailey commented, smirking, "that's wishful thinking."

"What can I say? I'm a positive person." Kim retorted.

"That she is," Adam said, putting his arm around Kim. Kim chuckled awkwardly, subtly sliding his arms off her as she noticed the glances exchanged between Kevin and Hailey.

After Hailey and Adam's short fling crashed and burned and Kim somehow found herself in bed with Adam again, there were definite tension between the three detectives. The three of them found themselves in a love triangle that definitely shouldn't have been one. Especially since it was clear that Hailey and Adam had no romantic feeling toward each other anymore and whatever they had was brief and casual. And it was also clear that Kim and Adam were the exact opposite.

After months of strained smiles and forced socialization outside of work by Kevin, the three of them found stable ground. Hailey and Adam were friends. Kim and Hailey were friends. Kim and Adam were friends? Friends with benefits who might still love each other? Friends seem to be safe and that's where Kim felt comfortable.

"Where's Halstead? I thought he was coming?" Adam asked, not noticing the small awkward moment. Typical.

"Um, he's helping Antonio move some furniture in Eva's room. But they should be here later." Hailey answered, as expected since she was Jay's partner.

"Ah, that's good. Glad to see him come out again." Adam replied, taking sip of his beer.

There was no need to specify what Adam meant. Life hasn't exactly been kind to Jay in the past two years and it was safe to say his co-workers were worried. Between Erin's sudden departure, everything that went wrong with his stint undercover, Olinsky almost dying, topped off with Jay's father's untimely death and him getting shot in pursuit of his father's killer, it was a wonder Jay was still standing.

The team stood by for months watching Jay become a shell of himself, shutting himself down, throwing himself into work. After multiple decline of support and help, it took a stern sit down with Voight, Al and Antonio for Jay to snap out of whatever funk he was stuck in and took a breath.

Gone was the Jay Halstead they knew not three years ago, always ready with a smartass comment and a grin on his face. Instead in his place was a more somber Jay, hardened by events of life. The smartass comments don't roll of his tongue as easily anymore, neither did the grins but at this point, they were glad to see him make progress to return to his own self. Even if he's not fully there or he might not ever get back there.

"Speak of the devil," Kevin interrupted Adam's thoughts as he gestured to the two men walking in. Antonio pointed to the bar, signaling him heading there for drinks as Jay made his way over to the table.

"What's up?" Jay greeted, taking a seat next to Adam.

"We were just talking and wondering if you were actually gonna show up or not." Adam answered. Jay rolled his eyes.

"I said I was coming, didn't I?" Jay nodded a 'thanks' to Antonio as the older man placed a beer in front of him.

"How sweet!" Adam gushed, "Dawsom getting you a drink. Did you guys have fun redecorating? Picking out paint swatches and china patterns?"

"Watch it," Antonio warned, "We were moving heavy furnitures and putting together heavy furniture as men do." He added, flexing his muscles for good measure.

"Sure tough guy." Adam playfully punched his stomach.

"Oh you want some of this?"Antonio punched back, going into his boxer stance, "Want to take this outside, pretty boy?"

"You guys are idiots," Hailey rolled her eyes, fondness evident in her voice.

"And to answer your questions Ruzek, we _did_ have fun picking out paint color." Jay said, "and we decided on a nice slate grey. Seriously though Antonio, those bright pink walls have got to go and fast."

"Hey, Eva picked it out when she was five! What color did you expect a five year old girl to pick?"

"True that." Kevin agreed, "but what excuse do you have for that hideous peach color wall in your place Ruzek?"

"Ok, ok I get it. It's pick on pretty boy day." Adam raised his arms in surrender. "I'll take it. And to answer your question Atwater, it came like that and I happen to like it. It's very calming."

"Man you can't pay me enough to move anything right now," exhaustion seeped into Kevin's voice. "All I want right now is my bed and 12 hours."

"I hear you man," Adam added, "this week kicked my ass. I love my job but man sometimes I wish it had a clear 9 to 5."

They all hummed agreements but they all knew deep down, they were where they wanted to be. Their paths of Intelligence were varied as they come but they all knew they were meant to be there and wouldn't change anything for the world.

"Speaking of," Kim interrupted the quiet moment as her phone buzzed, "It's Voight. We just caught a crime scene and he wants us there ASAP."

"Man my bed and 12 hours! Is that too much to ask?" Kevin groaned as he put on his coat. "12 hours!"

"Like I said, wishful thinking," Hailey grumbled, following the group out of the bar and into the cold winter night.

Whatever exhaustion or inebriation they had lingering washed away as the chaotic scene they were called to came into view. Firetrucks and ambulances surrounded the small standalone building as firefighters from Unit 51 milled around. Boden stood at the front, barking out orders trying to get the flames engulfing the building in control.

"Everybody get back!" Boden yelled out, waving people away far from the scene. "Give us room to work here!"

The Intelligence unit made their way over to where Voight and Olinsky stood, their attention rapt on the fire.

"Hey boss," Antonio got the two older men's attention. "What's going on?"

Hank shrugged. "We got called in. Boden requested us, saying might be a potential homicide. Thought the fire wa controlled but another small one got started. Just waiting for the signal to go in"

They stood around as the firefighters got the fire under control. After making sure there were no third residual fire anytime soon, Boden made his way over to the group of detectives.

"Hank," Boden offered his hand to Voight, "thanks for coming. Too bad it's under these circumstances"

Hank shook his hand, showing just how far the two have come along in their once hostile relationship. "Of course. Fill me in here though. Why did you need Intelligence at a house fire?"

Boden took off his helmet, somber expression on his face evident. "We got something."

The group took a step closer, curious at what the Chief had to say.

"We got the call about the fire at 9:30 p.m and we arrived at the location 3 minutes later." Boden started explaining. "When we got here, Severide noticed a man running off, away from the building. Obviously we couldn't chase the guy as we had to put out the fire. After we put out the initial fire, we tried to clear the place, do a civilian check. On the second floor, we found a body. Half burn, gone, DOA"

"Sex?"

"Female," Boden answered Olinsky, "Brett was on scene and she said she recognized the vic. Worked at Chicago Med."

"Where's the body?" Jay asked. Chief Boden motioned over to the coroner's van parked a few feet away.

"They're taking her over to get a positive I.D. Brett said she recognized the vic but with the way her body was burned, we need to get a positive I.D."

"So why think homicide instead of just being in a wrong place at the wrong time?" Olinsky asked, confused.

Boden sighed and the look on his face told the group that whatever that was about to come out of his mouth wasn't good.

"Hank, the victim was female, about 5'5, brunette and she was a nurse at Chicago Med."

Shocked gasps and small sounds of surprise made their way through the group.

"You're trying to say," Antonio started, disbelief coloring his voice. "You're saying that it's…"

"Yates. I think he might still be alive."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

"We can't seriously be thinking that it's actually Yates, right?!" Jay broke the quiet atmosphere back in the bullpen. After the initial bomb dropped by Boden, the group somberly made their way back to the district, all thoughts of going back home to their comfy beds forgotten. They were all in their own heads, thoughts running a mile a minute over what they found out. It took Jay's outburst to break the stillness of the usually bustling place. "That's crazy. Insane and completely impossible."

"We don't know what we have," Hank pointed out as he started the timeline on the board.

"We know what we _don't_ have," Jay bit back, shaking his head. There was no way that Yates is still alive. "Dead people don't come back to life."

"Yeah boss. I have to agree with Halstead here," Ruzek raised his hand. "You saw Lindsay shot that bastard in the head. He's six feet under, not running around Chicago still starting fires, killing people."

"It could all be a coincidence," Atwater chipped in. "I mean, just because the victim type fit and there's a fire involved, aren't we jumping to conclusion?"

Hank sighed, rubbing his eyes. "Like I said, we don't know what we have." He barked. "We can sit around denying the possibility of it all and get caught with our pant down when it turns out that crazier things have happened or we can get ahead of this and find out who started the fire and killed that nurse."

The group reluctantly nodded in agreement. As much as they don't believe or want to believe that one of the most difficult cases they've worked was rearing its ugly head again, Voight was right. If there's anything they've learned about dealing with Yates, it's better to be one step ahead than be two steps behind.

"Now there's not much we can do right now since they're gonna have to investigate and actually confirm that it's arson. And we need to wait for a positive ID on the vic. So why don't we just go home and get some sleep." Hank ordered. "We'll come back in the morning and hopefully we can get a clearer picture by then."

They all watched as Hank entered his office and slammed the office door before slowly getting up one by one, heading home. Kim sighed to herself, seeing the toll it was starting to take on the team just by the mention of the name Yates. She straightened up her desk as Atwater and Dawson said their goodbyes to her. She just nodded in reply, feeling Adam's eyes on her. She looked up, trying to give him a reassuring smile when he motioned over to Jay with his head. Kim's attention fell from Adam to direct it to Jay who remained sitting in his chair, rigid and staring into space. Kim and Adam shared a knowing look, both knowing the full history. Wordlessly, they came together and knew what they needed to do. Kim nodded at Adam to give him the go ahead as the blond made his way over to the stony detective.

"Hey man, why don't we get out of here?" Adam rubbed Jay's shoulder, knocking Jay out of his trance. "Get some sleep? I can give you a ride?"

Jay shook his head. "Nah man, I'm fine. I'll just see you guys tomorrow." Jay stood up, putting on his jacket and quickly strode out of the bullpen. Kim gestured to Adam with her eyes to follow Jay which Adam understood immediately, following Jay down the steps.

Kim watched as the two men exited the bullpen and sighed, watching their backs turned around the corner of the staircase. After watching the two disappear around the corner, she turned around and headed for the break room, needing something to wash down the last hour. She saw Hank on the phone, looking like he's deep in an important conversation and entered the break room and grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge, grateful for the silence.

"So…." Hailey's voice startled Kim and she spat out some of the water she was drinking. "Sorry."

Kim wiped her mouth with her hand. "It's ok. I just thought everyone left and just got scared." Hailey nodded. Kim took another sip, watching the other out of the corner of her eyes. It was obvious that the other detective wanted to ask Kim something so Kim raised her brow, giving Hailey the opening.

"I know who Yates is generally," Hailey started. "I mean it was kind of hard to miss him being plastered all over the news for escaping prison in New York. I know you guys have some sort of history with the guy."

"Yeah, I guess you can say that."

"Catch me up here." Hailey pleaded. "Obviously there's something deeper considering the way everyone reacted. There's more than just a dead guy maybe coming back to life."

Kim took a deep breath, debating what to relay to the other woman. How can she summed up everything Yates did to the city, to the team, to the people she considered family? Hate was a strong word for Kim but she had no problem admitting that she hated the bastard and was more than glad that he was dead with a bullet hole in his head.

"Kim?" Hailey called out as she watched Kim went into her own thoughts. "Just give me something here, so at least I know what I'm dealing with."

"I'm just thinking what to say," Kim started, taking a seat at the table and Hailey followed. "I was still in patrol when we first encountered Yates. I just thought he was just a run of the mill lunatic, you know. He targeted nurses and tortured and raped them before killing them and setting their bodies on fire."

"With the way everyone, especially Halstead reacted, I'm guessing it's more personal." Hailey guessed.

"Yeah, he kidnapped, raped and tortured Nadia. She was a girl who worked up here and she and Erin were like very close, like sister." Kim explained quietly, her heart hurting at the thought of Nadia and the life she never got to live. "He took her to New York and dumped her body on the beach like a bag of trash. Erin, Jay and Voight were there when they found her body."

"Oh god."

"And after Nadia's death, Erin became lost in her guilt and just went off the rails. She became lost." Kim explained, not wanting to completely tell Hailey everything about Erin's past. "She turned in her badge."

"What?" Hailey asked, surprised. "Jay must have gone crazy."

Kim nodded in reply. "Yeah. A lot of us were in the dark of what really happened but Voight and Jay were the ones that dealt with it directly. From what I know Voight wanted to give Erin space and let her come back on her own time but."

"But let me guess, Jay wasn't having it?"

"He just wanted to be there for her. He kept reaching out to her but when you're at the level of grief that Erin was, it wasn't easy to get her to listen. Um, I was with Adam at the time and I just remember Jay worried sick about Erin and Adam worried about Jay, following Erin too far."

"Wow," Hailey leaned back in her chair, digesting what Kim was telling her. "So what brought Erin back?"

"Not what but who. Jay. He brought her back." Kim answered. "Um like I said I don't know all the details since I wasn't here but there was the undercover op that went wrong and Jay got kidnapped. And Erin just showed up to rescue him. She saved his life. But I'm sure if you ask her about it, she'll say how she's the one that put his life in danger in the first place."

"That's crazy," Hailey said softly, taking all the information in. "And she's the one that killed Yates?"

Kim nodded. "Yeah, Yates escaped prison a year later and came to Chicago. He wanted revenge on his parents for abandoning him as a kid and choosing his sister over him. Just terrorizing Erin and messing with her head was just a cherry on top for him. He got her alone and went at her with an ice pick and she shot him in self defense."

Hailey sat quietly, slowly digesting the information and beginning to get a more clear understanding of why everyone reacted the way they did earlier, why most of them exchanged worried glances at each other and looking over at Jay ever so often.

"Yates was a monster who got off on people's misery. He took away a member of this family, he took so much from Erin and really put her through the ringer." Kim stood up, throwing the bottle of water into the recycle bin. "I'm just worried about Jay too. Yates might not have targeted Jay directly but he had to deal with the fallout of everything firsthand. He had to sit by and watch Erin fall apart and be helpless to do anything. He doesn't speak about it much but I know it was rough on him too, being pushed away by someone he loved."

"What are you two still doing here?" Voight's gravelly voice entered, startling the two women. "I said go home and get some sleep. We have a long day ahead tomorrow." Voight ordered then turned back into his office. That was all the prodding Kim needed to get up and started getting home, the image of her bed luring her.

* * *

Jay entered the bullpen, bright and early, expecting to the first one there. It was barely 6 a.m and the Chicago winter not letting the sun up yet, enclosing the bullpen in darkness. He should still be in bed, considering they usually don't start until a couple of hours later and he needed sleep after the week he had but after tossing and turning in bed all night, he just felt that it was futile for him to feign sleep.

But as he walked up the steps, he noticed the lights still on in Voight's office. That wasn't entirely surprising to him. If there was one person who was often in earlier than Jay, it was Voight. But what was surprising to Jay was the figure he saw sitting in front of Voight, her back to Jay. He watched silently as he made his way over to his desk, trying not to draw attention to himself so he can continue to watch the two conversed. After five minutes of hushed voices and whispers, he saw Kim got up and exited the office, the sight of Jay at his desk catching her off guard.

"Halstead!" she gasped, her hand gripping her chest. "What the hell are you doing here this early?"

Jay shrugged. "Can say the same for you. Nice talk with Voight?" Kim gave him a sheepish look before walking into the break room, starting a pot of coffee. Jay stood up and followed.

"What were you guys talking about? Looked important." Jay asked, curious at why the female detective who often arrived to the office with Ruzek was here earlier.

"Oh," Kim chuckled as Jay took notice of the nervous tone in her voice and his brow raised up. "Just couldn't sleep and thought might as well get an early start." Jay heard the lie in Kim's excuse and looked at her and noticed she was careful in trying to avoid his gaze. "Seriously Halstead, I just couldn't make myself fall asleep so I just wanted to be productive."

Jay looked at her for a beat longer before shrugging it off. He wasn't the one to judge or pry and it wasn't as though Kim's explanation was anything out there. Heck, it was the reason why he was in the bullpen hours earlier too.

He made himself busy, helping himself to a cup of coffee Kim made. He felt Kim's eyes on him but decided to pointedly ignore it, knowing what she wanted to ask him.

"How about you?" Kim started, "Couldn't sleep either?" Jay just nodded in reply, hoping that was the end of the conversation. But knowing Kim and her caring nature, he knew it wasn't possible. "Are you ok?"

Jay sighed, a hint of annoyance apparent. He was tired of people coddling him, walking on eggshells around him. He was fine, just fine. But for some reason, no one seemed to believe him. If he had a dollar for everytime someone asked him if he was ok or how he was doing daily then he swore he would have enough to buy the Hawks. "I'm fine."

"Jay, it's ok not to be, you know. I know just hearing the name Yates is hard for me and I didn't go through half of the things with him that you did." Kim glanced over at him, nervously, wondering if she really wanted to go there with him. "what Erin did." She added, feeling brave.

Jay bristled at the mention of Erin's name. Usually people tip toed around the subject of Erin, most not even daring to bring up her name, around him. Like doing so would cause Jay to crack and break down. And if he was being honest with himself, it would have months ago. Months ago when Erin had decided to stop whatever little communication they had, before she stopped answering his texts and calls, wondering how she was doing. When Voight decided to stop giving him updates about her, changing the subject or outright ignoring him whenever Jay brought up the subject. Months ago when Olinsky told him outright that he needed to make peace with Erin's departure, that she wasn't coming back no matter how long Jay waited, no matter how much he wanted her back home.

He was stubborn to say the least, not yet ready to take Olinsky's advice, to give up. When Erin left 2 years ago, he was devastated and heartbroken. He wasn't ready to accept that she truly left and went down a dark hole. After crawling out of the grave he dug himself in with his undercover op, barely making it out the other side intact, his only reprieve had been Erin throwing him a bone and the sporadic communication they had. Every so often, he would work up the nerve to text her and waited all day and night for her reply. Most of the time, his texts and calls went unanswered but his heart would leap whenever he found a reply from her waiting in his inbox. That's how he lived his life, him holding onto whatever she gave him like a lifeline, no matter how small.

Then whatever little stability he had left shattered. Al got stabbed and almost died, Jay almost came close to losing the U.C extraordinaire, and the closest thing he had to a father figure in his life. Then he lost his father. It was no secret that he and his father weren't close. Heck, they were barely on speaking terms before, Jay finally giving in after much pushing and prodding from Will to reach out. Still, it was his father and the last thing he had said to him was to call him a bastard. Guilt couldn't have began to cover what he felt after he watched Pat take his last breath, leaving Will as the only family he had left in the world. He was lost, he lost his father, Erin wasn't answering, he had no one left so he followed the perp, chased him down, blinded to everything else around him, proper protocol and needing to wait for backup out of his mind until he found himself with a bullet hole. That had been his wakeup call. That and the dressing down Voight gave him, ordering him to get his shit together or leave the unit.

Since then, he had learned to put one foot in front the other and move forward. It hadn't been easy to put away the guilt of his father' death and it was even harder for him to give up hopes of a future with Erin, to accept that she wasn't pining for him by the phone like he was and that she wasn't coming back.

"Listen Jay," Kim's voice broke Jay's thoughts. "I know it's been hard for you and I didn't mean to bring Erin up." Kim apologized.

Jay gave her a small smile. "It's ok. It's fine." He didn't like seeing the look on Kim's face, like she just stepped on a mine talking about Erin around him and he would explode any second. "You know if this thing turned out to be true, then for the first time since she left, I'm actually glad that Erin's not here for this." He confessed, his protective streak toward Erin still apparent.

He narrowed his eyes at the look that flashed over Kim's face before she forced it back to neutral. He tried to decipher it for a second. He wasn't Adam, he didn't know Kim like Adam did.

"I get it," Kim smiled, her doe eyes shining with compassion. Jay watched as Kim seemed to debate with herself. He just raised his brows, wondering what was up with her. She finally seemed to make a decision about whatever she was debating with herself about and took a deep breath. "Listen Jay, there's something I…."

Whatever that was about to come out of Kim's mouth was stopped by Kevin entering the break room.

"You guys couldn't sleep either huh?" he asked. Kim and Jay gave him a small nod in reply. "Guess we're not the only ones." Kevin said, as the three looked out the window and saw Dawson and Olinsky made their way up to the bullpen, tiredness showing on their faces. "Ruzek's downstairs, he gave me a ride this morning and I saw Upton arrived when we got here. So looks like everyone's here." Kevin said, as they made their way out of the break room, the unfinished conversation forgotten.

* * *

Voight exited his office as the rest of the unit trickled in. He rubbed his face as he watched the worn out expressions on his team's faces, knowing they needed sleep but sleep was invasive to everyone.

"Alright, looks like we're getting an early start then." Voight spoke to the room. "We got a positive ID back from the coroner. The victim was Lisa Brown," Voight pasted the picture of Lisa on the board, her smiling face looking back at them. "Nurse at Chicago Med, worked there for five years, she was getting married in the spring."

"How about the fire investigation? Did they rule out arson?" Olinky questioned.

"Not yet. But initial report from the coroner came back. The cause of death was blunt force trauma to the head, which means she was dead before she got burned in the fire."

"What about sexual assault?" Adam raised his pen in question.

"The body was too burned for them to determine." Voight replied, "they were lucky enough to find out the cause of death since her upper body was the least burnt. Now I'm expected to hear back from Boden in a short while about the investigation but we know she didn't die from the fire. Someone killed this girl, she was murdered. And we're gonna find the son of a bitch that did this."

Voight looked around the room as looks of determination came across his team. His eyes landed on Halstead, knowing what he was about to say next was about to affect the detective's life. But Voight knew he couldn't avoid it or wait any longer. He needed to say it. "Last night, I put in a call to New York SVU unit, considering they dealt with Yates as much as we did. Just to see if there are any suspicious fire deaths."

"What'd they say?" Dawson questioned, curious.

"Two in past month. One of the victim was too burnt to make any identification but the other one matched the same description as our vic." Voight answered. "NYPD didn't think it was related or had anything to do with SVU so they didn't find out about it until I called and Detective Benson did some digging around."

"So we are really thinking it's Yates? Or some sort of sick twisted copycat?" Jay questioned, voice strained.

"Hell of a coincidence, don't you think?" Antonio spoke up, "I mean the description match at least two of the victims and both in New York and Chicago?"

"I said as much and Detective Benson agreed." Voight cut in, eyeing Jay as he spoke. "She's sending her team to assist with the case." He announced. "Whatever the hell we have here, they're a part of this as much as we are."

"They're heading here now?" Adam asked, excitement evident in his voice. They all enjoyed working with the SVU unit and while they didn't get a chance to work together as much, they always came together and worked well together whenever they had to.

"They took the first flight out last night so they should be here any minute." As if on cue, sounds of footsteps filled the bullpen and they turned around and watched as the blonde head of Detective Rollins and Carisi made their way up followed by a male detective most of them haven't seen before.

"Hey, you guys are here!" Adam cheered as he gave Rollins a hug and introduced himself to Carisi. "Adam Ruzek."

"Dom Carisi" the detective said as he shook hands with everyone. "This is Sergeant Mike Dodds." He pointed out the other male arrival. "His first time here too."

"Hey man, how you doing?" Antonio stepped forward, already familiar with the man. "Good to see you again."

Dodds returned the sentiment. "Glad to be here. Not under these circumstances but nice to get out of the city. And I've heard a lot of good things about this unit and now I can see it for myself."

"So it's just the three of you? Where's Fin and Olivia?" Kevin asked, always eager to see Fin. "They didn't come with you?"

"Now, we can't give you our whole unit. We still have perps left in New York too, you know." Dodds teased. "They're back in New York, tying up some loose ends for a couple of our cases but they said they can be here soon. So you're just gonna have to make do with just us three and my partner."

Their conversations got cut short as more footsteps came up the stairs. They all turned to watch as they saw Platt came up the stairs, her back to the group as she excitedly chatted with the person following her, the newcomer hidden by Platt's body. But the excitement and joy on Platt's body language was obvious. Finally, Platt reached the top of the stairs and turned her attention the group.

"Look who the cats dragged in guys!" Platt announced, happily to the group, pointing to the figure coming up the stairs. They all looked to the mysterious figure that got their normally stern Desk Sergeant all excited. Finally the figure stopped at the top of the stairs and they all looked stunned as the familiar face of Erin Lindsay came into view.

'Erin?!" Jay gasped as the face he thought he'd never see again appeared in front of him.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

Jay felt his world tilt on its axis. He knew his eyes must have been playing tricks on him because there was no way that Erin was standing in front of him right now, the rest of the unit taking turns hugging her, relaying litanies of how much they've missed her and how good it was to see her. But the stare she was giving him while looking over the shoulder of Antonio who was currently engulfing her in a tight hug killed any thought of her being just a mirage. Erin was really standing here. She was back. The person he thought he'd never see again. Back in the bullpen. The place he never thought she'd return to.

He stood there, not knowing how to react. How does one react when the love of his life re-enters his life suddenly? He thought he had made his peace with her departure, he had tucked away all feelings of her leaving him, her cutting off communications with him, and he had accepted the fact that Erin Lindsay was no longer a part of his life. And now he was a ball of mixed emotions. Surprise, anger, and confusion swirled around his head but happiness won out in his heart. He honestly thought he'd never see those hazel eyes and dimples again. He had hoped, prayed and dreamt he would but he knew that reality wasn't as kind to him to grant him that privilege. But apparently he must have done something right in his past life because he was actually looking at her, looking at him with a hesitant smile on her face. Apparently, she didn't know how to react either.

"Kiddo," Hank called out, breaking her attention away from him. "Welcome back."

Erin smiled, dimples popping as she stepped into Hank's arms. Olinsky reaching forward to ruffle her hair, a smile on his face. "I'm glad to be back." Erin rasped out, breaking the contact before returning her attention back to Jay.

That should have been his cue to say something, anything. Words that he had been waiting to say to her for the past seven months, words like how much he missed her, how good it felt to see her in the bullpen again, where she belonged, where she'd always belong. But as always, words failed him and he just remained standing. He barely registered Hailey moving forward to greet Erin, being the last of the group beside him to do. Maybe it was Hailey's weird sense of loyalty to him as his partner or just because she and Erin were practically strangers but the two awkwardly exchanged greetings.

Then all eyes were on him as he remained the only one who hasn't said a word. If he was paying closer attention to everyone else, maybe he'd notice the glances Kim and Ruzek were giving each other or the knowing looks on Rollin's face or Voight watching him to see how he'd react as if it was some kind of a test. But all he could focus on was her. He watched her take a deep breath, her habit whenever she was braving herself to do something and watched as she started to approach him.

"Jay…"

His heart flipped at her breathing out his name, having not heard it in so long. "Erin." He returned, voice shaking. Before she reached him, however, and he was able to take her into his arms and breathe in her scent, Hank stopped the moment by slapping the whiteboard.

"Hate to cut the reunion short but can we get started now?" His voice rang out, snapping everyone's attention back to the board and on the case. Erin stopped her stride towards Jay and offered him a tight smile which he tried to return but was pretty sure it came out more as a grimace.

"As I was saying before, the SVU is here to assist with the case and as always they have full jurisdictional power here." Hank continued, "how long do we have you for this time?"

"As long as we need to be here," Amanda answered, "Detective Benson has transferred some of our other cases over and considering what Yates did last time in New York, this case takes priority."

"Great," Hank replied, "Can you tell us about the victims from New York?"

Amanda took the lead, opened her briefcase to pull out two pictures before pasting it onto the whiteboard. "The two victims," she started "Tanya Reddings, 26 and Natalie Buchanan, 29. Now Tanya was burned beyond recognition so they had to use her dental records to get a positive I.D. Natalie was rescued a bit earlier and she suffered third degree burns all over her body, the doctors were able to stabilize her for a bit before she died due to injuries. They both fit the victim type of Yates. Both brunettes, around 5'5 and Tanya was a nursing student working part-time in a small clinic in Tribeca area while Natalie was a maternity nurse at Presbyterian."

"And they ruled both fire as arson?" Antonio questioned, looking up from his notepad.

Erin nodded. "Yeah. We didn't get the case at SVU because NYPD didn't make the connection and since there was no suspicions or evidence of sexual assault in both cases, it stayed in house there and they closed both cases since arson is nearly impossible to prove especially with no leads. It wasn't until Voight's phone call last night that we were able to pull these two cases as maybe relating to Yates and we were able to get them reopen."

"We went ahead and made copies of the crime scenes photos and details for everyone," Carisi told the group as he passed around the files. Hank grabbed his copy before stepping aside to answer his ringing cell. "Now, the photos don't really tell us much except how much the victims were burned and we tried spotting nail polish bottle in the rubble since Lindsay told us that it's his signature but it's harder than playing "Find Waldo."

"Hmm, I was really good at that game," Kim said. "Let me take a crack at it and see."

"Be my guest." Carisi answered as Kim sat down at her desk, taking a closer look at the pictures. "Need a magnifying glass?" he teased.

"I got one in my desk," Adam announced, earning weird looks from the group. "What?" he shrugged. "I was a boy scout and they told us to always be prepared." He walked over to his desk to pull out a small magnifying glass and handed it over to Kim. "ABC. Always be prepared."

Kim chuckled fondly at Adam since the motto and the acronoym made no sense at all before turning her attention back on the pictures. "Everything's ash and black," Kim murmured as she stared at the pictures.

"Yes, that's what happens when things get burned." Dodds smirked, raising his hands in surrender after getting an unimpressed look from Kim. "Just kidding."

"Ok that was Chief Boden," Hank said as he returned to the group, "the initial ruling of the fire is arson. Now they can't conclusively determine arson just yet but he was us back at the crime scene to do our own investigation and see what we find. So let's go."

The group got up and got ready to leave. "Lindsay, you still know your way around the city right?"

Erin rolled her eyes at Hank. "Of course. It's only been two years Hank and I've lived here all my life."

"Good to know. I'll text you the address." Erin scoffed in mirth as the group walked past her, making their way down. She turned her head, sending Jay one last look before turning back and following the group. Jay took as deep of a breath as he could, his heart being still constricted by her presence before following.

* * *

The crime scene from last night looked more devastating now that the morning sun has casted its light on it. The building was charred from the outside, black coloring its once red exterior and the inside was a mess of debris and ashes. Erin stepped around the once living room carefully, not wanting to disturb the crime scene too much. Her boots made crunching sounds as it made way around the small room, sidestepping any items that somehow managed to remain somewhat intact from the inferno.

"This feels familiar," a voice interrupted Erin's thoughts and she turned to find herself looking into the azure eyes of Jay. Her heart skipped when she noticed how they were alone in the room and just how close he was standing to her that she was able to smell his signature scent of Kiehl's musk essence oil. She was sure he could hear her heart since it was about to beat out of her chest, being in this close proximity with him after so long.

She tried to steady her voice before replying "Yeah, hopefully this time has a better ending," The last time they searched through a crime scene like this ended up with Nadia dead and Erin spinning out of control. Jay gave her a small nod and the two fell into silence, just looking into each other's eyes and trying to read each other's thoughts.

There were so many things Erin wanted to say to Jay, to apologize for, to explain but she held back. It wasn't the place and she knew, looking into Jay's eyes, that she needed him to make the first move. To let him control how he wants to handle her popping back up unexpectedly in his life.

She could tell the questions he had running in his head just by looking into his eyes. They were always so expressive. She always called his eyes 'windows into his soul', a flowery metaphor that once slipped out of her mouth when they were coming down from a particularly amazing high of love making and he had loved making fun of her about since. But she knew he loved the comparison, returning her sentiment with his own about her smile being the same before delving into a prose about how he can tell what she's really feeling by her smile and the dimples on her face. That launched them into a second round of frenzy love making and all she saw in his eyes was pure elation and affection and she was sure he saw the same in her smile. But now all she saw today was the question 'why?'

"Jay." She whispered quietly, her head shaking softly. "I know you have so many questions and I owe you so many answers and apologies. I want to give them to you, I do."

"Just answer me one thing," Jay cut her off. "for now at least." Erin nodded. That was the least she could do. "How did you end up in SVU? Last time I talked to you, you were still with FBI." Erin let out a small sigh of relief, grateful that Jay didn't ask her anything too personal. She knew he respected her need for professionalism and boundaries set while at work and her heart warmed at the thought that he still gave her that respect.

"I was until about seven months ago." Erin answered, her voice soft. "Then I got an opportunity to leave it. I'd never felt comfortable there and it was never my first choice so when there was an opening to leave, I took it. Olivia heard and she offered me Amaro's spot on the team and I jumped at it."

She could see Jay's mind whirring at her answer. She could see him trying to make the connection between her leaving FBI seven months ago and her cutting him off around the same time. She just hoped that he wouldn't be able to connect the dots just yet. She owed him the truth, eventually. She just didn't think it needed to come out while they were standing in a crime scene.

Jay looked at her for a beat longer, trying to decipher her answer before shooting out a second question. "Do you like it there?"

A genuine smile made its way across Erin's lips and she felt Jay's eyes lingered a bit on her dimples. "Yeah," she replied with a smile. "It's hard as hell sometimes with the victims we see but it's been amazing."

That answer had earned another genuine smile, this time from Jay. "I'm really happy for you." his voice shone with genuineness and she knew he really meant it. "You always belonged where you can really help people instead of dealing with politics and red tapes." He added, referring to the last time she had left for a more prestigious but ultimately unfulfilling position.

"Thanks," she smiled, her eyes filling with unshed tears over how kind he was being to her. "Listen Jay…"

Her words were cut off as he suddenly took her into his arms, catching her off guard. After stiffening up at the unexpected contact, she quickly sunk into his arms, closing her eyes and relishing at the feeling of his arms around her once again. A feeling that she had thought she had given up. A feeling like no other. She felt his warmth engulf her, his scent overwhelmed her, giving her a comfort that was simply irreplaceable. But it ended too quickly as he pulled back, his hand still holding onto her shoulder, keeping her close but out of reach of where she really wanted to be.

"I'm sorry." Jay muttered and Erin could tell that his own action surprised himself. "I…I don't know why I did that." Jay continued to ramble. "I just couldn't help myself and I know we have a lot to talk about and I don't even know what I'm feeling or…"

This time it was Erin who surprised him by shrugging off his hold on her before enveloping him in her arms, her head resting on the space between his shoulder and head. She felt him tense for a quick second before he returned his arms to where she thought they belong the most, around her and she smiled as he buried his face in her hair and inhaled deeply, his body relaxing.

"I know that nothing's fixed," she murmured into his neck, "but right now, I don't care. I just want you close." She felt him tightened his hold on her and it was all the happiness she needed at the moment. It had been so long since she felt this warm, this safe and this happy. She didn't know how she was able to give it up in the first place. They stood there in each other's embrace, professionalism be damned and their surroundings ignored, and just let themselves get lost in the long familiar feeling. Erin didn't know how long they can stay in the bubble but she was grateful for every second she got.

But just as she spoke, Kevin came bursting in the room, stuttering as he saw the two of them in the compromising position. "Um, sorry." He apologized, discomfort obvious in his tone. "Sorry."

They broke apart quickly, trying to get their emotions under control by taking a step apart. "It's fine." Jay replied, his voice unsteady. Erin's own voice wasn't ready to work yet so she just gave Kevin a closed mouth smile. After all, it wasn't Kevin's fault that he walked in on the two of them sharing a moment in a room surrounded by rubbles.

Kevin looked at the two unsurely for a second before deciding to ignore whatever it was he walked in on. "Um, there's someone out there who said she might've seen something. We're gathering out there." he relayed to them. Erin shared a look with Jay before the two followed Kevin out of the room.

* * *

"I'm telling you, it was dark but I'm sure it was a white male," Erin heard the woman spoke loudly as the trio arrived at where everyone else was gathered, their attention on the unknown woman.

"You were here last night?" Olinsky questioned, earning an eye roll from the woman.

"Yes." She said, annoyed. "I already told the other officer everything."

"Do me a favor and tell us again." Olinsky said in that usual unaffected tone of his. "Just one more time, Ms.."

"Just call me Wanda." The woman answered. "anyway, like I said several times already. I live a couple of door down and I saw the fire and a man who ran away as soon as the firetrucks got here."

"Can you describe the man for us, ma'am." Erin asked.

"Don't call me ma'am. I'm not old enough to be called ma'am yet."

"Ok Wanda, can you describe the man for us?" Erin repeated, trying to remain patient.

"It was dark so I couldn't see that clearly but I saw enough. He was white, maybe middle age, I don't know you can never tell with some people, and he had dark hair. He was standing there watching the fire for a second and at first I thought 'ok nothing's strange about that. people like to watch train wrecks.' But then when the fire trucks, he ran off like he was the one on fire and that caught my attention. I saw him ran into the alley next to my apartment for a while then next time I saw him he was just walking back out, casually."

"You said he ran into the alley?" Jay questioned, "How long was he in that alley for before coming back out?'

Wanda thought for a minute. "Not sure, I was more focused on the fire. But maybe about 2-3 minutes?"

"And was anything different about him when he came back out?" Jay prodded. "Maybe his clothes or coat?"

"Yeah yeah," Wanda snapped her finger. "Now that you mentioned it, he was wearing something blue underneath his coat before he ran into the alley and when he came back out, he just had his coat. Yeah, I remember thinking that he looked like he was about to flash people."

"Ok Wanda," Erin directed the attention to her and she took out her phone, pulling up a picture. "Is this the man you saw?"

Wanda squinted as she took in the picture of Yates, thinking deeply. "Hmm, like I said it was dark but yeah it looked like him. White, strange looking, looks like he could play the part of a serial killer on those cops shows, you know?" Wanda answered, chuckling at her own joke.

"Alright, thank you Wanda." Jay thanked her as Erin put away her phone back into her pocket, her hands shaking.

"So can I go now? I have to get to work." Erin nodded in reply.

"Thank you Wanda for all your help. If we need anything more, we'll come find you." Erin said as Wanda walked away, muttering to herself about not bothering her during her day off.

"We need to look in that alley," Kevin said, "he might have gotten rid of his clothes there." They all nodded in agreement and headed out to the alley that Wanda pointed out.

* * *

"We got something!" an officer yelled out as his head popped out of the dumpster. "Looks like a pair of medical scrubs." He announced as he held out the blue material.

"Good, bag it and I want you to get it down to the lab ASAP." Hank ordered, "tell them to put a rush on it and that Intelligence need the result as soon as we get back to the office." The patrolman nodded in compliance and set out to do what he was ordered to do. "The rest of us, let's get back to the district."

As they turned to return to their respective cars, Adam came running out of the house. "Serge! Burgess found something." He panted as he ran over to the group.

"What do you got?" Adam held out a bottle of nail polish as the answer and Erin felt the breath knocked out of her.

"Is it green?" her voice trembled as she watched Adam opened the bottle to reveal a neon green color. "Green nail polish. Yates' signature." She gritted her teeth.

"We need to get back to the office and wait for the DNA result." Hank grumbled then walked off. Erin exhaled before heading to the car, feeling Jay's stare on her. She could practically see the concern waving off of him. But she couldn't pay it any mind right now because if she did, she'd crumble. She needed to stay strong and she steeled herself, waiting for Dodds to get in the car before driving off back to the district.

* * *

"Green nail polish," Erin spoke out to the group after they arrived back at the district. "That was Yates' signature. He'd paint the nails of the victims the color and leave the bottle at the crime scene."

"All three victims' hands were burned too badly that we couldn't confirm if they had green nail polish on but the bottle at this crime scene does connect the case to Yates." Burgess explained further.

"Now the green polish being Yates' signature was a detail that was kept secret by the police. It wasn't public knowledge and it wasn't in any of the new reports or any newspaper article so there's no way an outsider would've known."

"So we can rule out a copycat?" Adam questioned. "If it was a secret detail then there's no way a copycat would've know right?"

"It's too soon to rule anything out," Hank answered, rubbing his eyebrows. "Let's not jump to any conclusions. Details have a way of getting out without meaning to. We're gonna get the lab result from the scrub any minute now so let's just wait and see. If there's any DNA on it, the lab's gonna find it and match it to the DNA we have on record of Yates."

"We've interviewed several witnesses that were at the crime scene that night and only Wanda saw the man running off." Hailey spoke up. "Lisa, the victim, was pretty new to the neighborhood so most of them didn't know her that well other than the fact that they've seen her with her fiancé several times but since her fiancé is black, we can rule him out being the man in question."

"We need to get to Chicago Med, interview her colleagues, her co-workers and see if she had any enemies or anyone with a motive to hurt her." Antonio said.

"What about her fiancé?" Olinsky questioned, "who spoke to him?"

"A couple of patrol officers did," Jay replied, looking into his notes. "He was alibi'ed out at a birthday dinner party where several waiters and witnesses said they saw him there until he got the call from the police. It's airtight."

"Still, he could've hired someone to do his dirty work for him, while he makes his presence known in a public place." Olinsky shrugged. "Let's not rule him out just yet." He advised.

'Um guys," Kim looked up from her computer where she'd been looking as the conversation flowed around her. "The results just came in from the lab."

They stepped forward to her desk, crowding around her. "Well?" Hank asked, impatient. "Did they get anything from the scrubs?"

Kim nodded, her eyes serious. "Yeah, they found a couple of strands of hair and ran the test and match it to the record we have on file."

"Well, what'd the results say? Is it a match to Yates?" Erin asked, needing to know the answer right away.

"According to the lab, the result of the hairs found on the scrubs is 100% match to DNA of Gregory Yates. Yates is still alive."


	4. Chapter 4

AN: I just wanted to say thank you to everyone that reviewed, favorited, and followed this story. I really appreciate the time you guys took to do so. I also want to specifically thank the guest reviewer that corrected that Olivia is now a Lieutenant. I'll be making the change going forward.

One of my biggest goal for the story is to have the characters remain as close to what we see and know of them on screen as much as possible. I like having things remain in canon but obviously I've taken a few liberties in changing a few major things like having Olinsky and Dodds still be alive and Antonio still working in Intelligence. I just dislike it when writers kill off or get rid of characters for no major reasons, especially longtime characters. Like what was the point of killing Al off or getting rid of Jon Seda?

Anyway, enough of my ranting and enjoy the chapter. I wanted to end it at a specific point but had to cut if off where I did as it would've been way too long otherwise. Let me know your thoughts.

* * *

Chapter 4

"Thanks for letting me crash here," Erin dropped her suitcase on the couch of Kim's apartment as Kim busied herself in the kitchen. "I really appreciate it."

"You know you're always welcome here. I love it whenever you visit," Kim yelled out from the kitchen. "Besides, I'm sure Amanda appreciates having the hotel room to herself."

Erin chuckled. "Yeah, she needs her alone time now that she has two little kiddos."

Kim exited the kitchen and handed Erin a bottle of beer and the two females sat down on the couch, relaxing. It had been a crazy day and they were finally home for the night. Everyone had been running around all day, interviewing more witnesses and pretty much everyone in Lisa's life, hoping to find an answer as to who killed the nurse so they wouldn't have to somehow accept the possibility that someone they thought was dead was still alive. So Erin had ridden all day with Dodds and Kim, going from one place to another, trying to get grieving people to answer questions about the person they just lost, to pry into private details of her life. At least she hadn't found herself alone with Jay again. They had been apart all day and had no interactions after their hug and if she had to guess, it was deliberate on his part.

"So how was your first day back?" Kim asked, passing Erin the bowl of chips which Erin took gleefully. She was starving and hadn't eaten all day but they were too lazy and tired to try to cook or pick up anything on the way home so they just decided to dive into whatever Kim had.

"It was fine," Erin mumbled as she nibbled on the salty snack.

Kim scoffed, wrestling the bowl back from Erin's tight grip. "Yeah, I'm gonna need more details than just fine."

"I was with you all day, Kim." Erin tried to grab a couple more chips in her hands. She was famished.

"Yeah but it's not like I'm a mind reader," Kim retorted. "I don't know how you were feeling or thinking. How was seeing Jay?"

Erin shrugged as Kim turned towards on the couch, the chip bowl in the middle of the two readily available for them both. "It was hard."

"Hard?" Kim questioned. "Did he say something to you? I mean , I have to admit I was watching you two all day, seeing how you guys would be around each other. But I didn't see you two talking at all."

"That's because we didn't." Erin debated whether to tell Kim about the hug or not. She didn't want to make it a big deal or just wanted to keep the moment for herself but Kim had been a solid rock for her the past two years. "Ok, there was something."

Kim shuffled closer to Erin, eager to hear about the two ex-lovers. "What? Tell me."

"There was this moment between us."

"What?! When?!" Kim prodded, waving Erin to dish out the gossip.

Erin hesitated for a second before answering, "when we were at the crime scene. Somehow we were alone and just started to talk then he hugged me."

Kim's mouth opened in surprise at Erin's confession. "He did? How was it?"

Erin found herself smiling at the memory of how it felt being back in Jay's arms, no matter how brief the moment had been. "It was amazing Kim," Erin admitted. "I knew I missed him but I had no idea how much I actually did until I was back in his arms. And it was like nothing had changed between us when we were just holding each other."

Kim gave her a smile. "Then what happened? Did you guys get a chance to talk? Did you tell him about everything?"

"Then Atwater walked in and kinda ruined the moment." Kim scoffed at the tidbit and muttered to herself about Kevin and how he's always ruining the moment. Erin giggled. "It's not Kevin's fault. I mean we were on the job and it wasn't the place. But no, we didn't get a chance to talk." Erin's face fell as she thought about how Jay avoided her the rest of the day. "I'm not even sure we will get a chance to talk to be honest. Jay seemed pretty adamant about avoiding me after that."

Kim rubbed Erin's hand in comfort. "Give him time. It hasn't been easy for him. But at least by that hug, you know there's something still there between the two of you."

"Yeah maybe," Erin murmured softly. "Ok, enough about me and my depressing love life. Tell me something good. How are you and Adam doing?"

Now it was Kim's turn to be uncomfortable as the spotlight fell on her. "I don't know. Sometimes it's like nothing's changed between us and we're back where we were 3 years ago. And I would think about giving us another try, for real. But then he would say or do something that makes me think that he is fine with us just occasionally sleeping with each other and doesn't want anything more, even though he told me the opposite."

Erin gave her a small smile. "It's Adam."

"Yeah, it's Adam." Kim repeated. "The same Adam that had issues about following through on big commitment." Kim sighed. "I just don't want to go back to the way we were, pinning all my hopes and dreams on someone that isn't willing to be serious."

Erin leaned forward to give Kim a hug. "I think you're just scared. I think you still love him and are just afraid of getting hurt again. So this whole friends with benefits thing you guys have going on is just your way to keeping him close without getting too close or attached to him."

"Yeah, maybe," Kim admitted. "He has dropped hints about wanting something more serious and I've just been brushing it off."

"Give him a chance," Erin said. "From what little I've seen today, that guy is still heads over heels for you. And it's you and Adam. You guys are like perfect for each other."

Kim sighed before raising her beer bottle for a toast. "To us and our boy problems. I thought it'd be easier by now."

Erin chuckled before toasting Kim. "If it's easy, is it really even worth it?" The two shared a small chuckle as they drank and ate the rest of the night away.

* * *

Erin yawned as she followed Dodds up the stairs to the bullpen. She felt like crap and she was pretty sure she looked like it also. She and Kim spent the night, binging on whatever unhealthy food that Kim had in her pantry, washing it all down with bottles of beer and gossiping about everyone where Erin found out way more about Platt and Mouch's life than she ever needed to know. And she was paying the price for it today. She needed to remember that she was no longer in her twenties and she could no longer just stuff herself with whatever she wanted and be fine the next day. She heard Dodds chuckled at her condition and gave him the best glare she could which in turn earned her another chuckle.

"You're so cute when you're grumpy," Dodds teased as they reached the top of the stairs and he reached over to ruffle Erin's hair. She swiped at him in annoyance.

"And you're so annoying all the time," Erin grumbled, dodging Dodd's wandering hands.

"You know you love me Lindsay," Dodds quipped as he reached over to ruffle her hair again, earning a muttering of curses under Erin's breath. He laughed at her reaction and the two partners turned to find themselves an audience at their interaction.

Erin sputtered as her eyes fell on Jay watching her. She vaguely noticed Hailey and Adam standing by Jay's desk but her focus was on Jay, who obviously saw her little interaction with Dodds and judging by the tight pull on his lips and the slight furrow of his brows, read more into the interaction than necessary.

"Morning guys!" Dodds greeted, oblivious to the tension in the room. "How'd everyone sleep last night?" Adam and Hailey gave half-hearted replies as Jay stayed silent, tightness remaining on his expression. Erin offered her own half-hearted greeting as she stepped toward Kim's desk. Kim hadn't arrived yet as Erin left first to pick up Dodds from the hotel but as Erin didn't have the rights over her old desk anymore, Kim's desk was the most comfortable option for Erin. Dodds looked curiously around the room, the tension starting to register for him but smartly decided to stay quiet about it before joining Erin over at the empty desk. He raised his eyebrows in question and she just shook her head softly, signaling him to just leave it. She really didn't want to get into explaining her past with her ex-partner to her current partner this morning.

Thankfully, or as thankful as one can be of encountering a raging Voight, the man slammed the phone down and stepped out of his office, steam coming out of his head.

"You ok Serge?" Adam asked, obviously feeling brave to enough to approach Voight. He glared at Adam for a quick second before shaking his head.

"It seems as though the Superior court doesn't deem the possibility of a serial killer still being alive important enough to give permission for exhumation of Yates' grave," Hank explained, frustration clouding his voice. "Apparently, it's not a substantial enough of a reason to bother. Useless assholes!"

"They know that it's Yates right. He killed how many people?"Jay said, feeling Voight's frustration himself. "And that we found evidence of his DNA? That's not substantial enough for them?"

"This is a way for them to stick it to me," Voight grumbled, slamming his hands on the nearby desk. "We're gonna go around those bastards." Hank said after a moment of mulling things over. "Upton, you still have your contact at the D.A's office?" Hailey nodded. "Ok see if you can get a sit down with the A.D.A today. Maybe Stone can go around and give us permission to exhume Yates' body."

"Wait, are you talking about Peter Stone?" Dodds spoke up, "My father knows him. He's actually been trying to poach Stone to transfer to New York for a while now actually. Maybe I can go along and see if I can help curry the favor too?"

"Ok, Upton and Dodds, you're up," Voight pointed to the two before re-entering his office. Dodds gave Erin's shoulder a small squeeze before leaving with Hailey. Erin remained seated, awkwardness filling the room instead of the tension that was there before and she willed Kim or Olinsky or anyone else, in her mind to make their arrival fast. It was as though Kim heard her plea as she strutted up the stairs and gave everyone a bright "Morning!"

"Morning Burgess," Adam gave her a bright smile, walking closer to Kim. "Hey I got a call from Lisa's aunt that we spoke to yesterday and she said her son has time to talk to us this morning before he goes in for work so we should go and see them."

"Ok yeah," Kim replied, glancing over at Erin who was giving her a panicked look. "Just give me a second. I'm gonna get some coffee. Erin, you want to get coffee with me in the break room?" Erin got the hint that Kim was throwing out and got up to follow Kim. They busied or tried to make themselves look busy, making coffee as Kim quietly asked Erin about what's going on.

"Hailey and Mike went out on assignment and now you and Adam are leaving, that just leaves me and Jay," Erin explained, panic in her voice. "What am I supposed to do? Everyone else apparently decided today is the day to be come in on time and not early as usual."

"Maybe this is a good thing," Kim took a sip of her coffee. "Give you and Jay some alone time." Kim said as she looked over her shoulder to see Jay talking on the phone. "Give you guys time to actually talk?"

Erin scoffed. "Yeah after the way he actively avoided me yesterday? Sure." Erin griped but her eyes widened as she saw Jay hang up the phone to make his way to the break room. She shushed Kim quietly, signaling her of Jay's arrival. Thankfully, Kim got the hint as she just took another sip of her coffee, trying to look as casual as possible. Erin glanced over at Jay who remained hesitantly by the door, not entering in the room.

"Um," he started, voice unsure. "I just got off the phone with Will. He said the nurses have a staff meeting that's about to end in half an hour and it's the best time to get them together in the same room and talk to them."

"Ok," Erin replied. "You're gonna head over there?"

Jay nodded, waiting for a beat before continuing. "So, seeing as how we're both partnerless right now, you want to come with me?" he asked, hesitantly. Erin was surprised to receive the invitation, thinking it would be another day of awkwardly sidestepping Jay but her heart fluttered at the olive branch he's offering. A quip of always being his backup almost rolled off her tongue before she stopped herself, deeming it inappropriate and not wanting to put them in an even more awkward situation. So she just gave him a smile and a nod before gesturing him to lead the way. Kim put her hand on Erin's shoulder in encouragement and Erin returned a grateful smile at her friend before leaving the room.

* * *

Erin let out another big yawn as she made her way to the Sierra, stretching her back before she got in the passenger side of the truck.

"Busy night?" Jay asked, eyeing Erin.

Erin scoffed, thinking back to last night and the binge fast she and Kim partook in. "Yeah, you could say that." Erin stretched her back again as best she could sitting down. Another sign of her current age: her back can no longer tolerate a night on the couch without her feeling it the next day. "My back is killing me."

Jay let out a scoff, a mix between disbelief and annoyance, followed by a huff of 'huh' under his breath, snapping Erin's attention to him. She watched as an undecipherable look came across Jay's face and confusion came across her own. But she kept quiet as Jay pulled out of the parking spot and the two made their way to Chicago Med.

She wasn't expecting for them to go back to the way they were, she wasn't naïve enough to expect banters and playful flirting of years past as they rode together in their 300. But she also wasn't' expecting for the atmosphere to be this tense either. She kept glancing over at Jay as he drove past familiar buildings, eyes straight ahead. It was almost as though he was angry. He was angry at her, she noticed as she took in his hands gripping the steering wheel tight, knuckles turning white, his back rigid and a frown pulling on his face. She was confused as to why he would invite her to come with him if his anger was the dominant reaction to her presence. He could've gone alone or waited for Antonio or Olinsky or ever Amanda and Carisi to arrive. But he had extended the invitation to her but it seemed as though he was regretting doing so and she was just about to regret accepting it if the tense atmosphere is what they would be going through.

"Jay," she started, wanting to give him an 'out' because she didn't want to make him spend the day in anger. But he cut her off with a question that confused her even further.

"So you and Dodds huh?" he asked, Erin noticing him trying to insert casualness into the question but not quite succeeding. Erin looked at him in confusion and giving him a "what?" in reply.

"You and Dodds," he repeated, he glanced over at Erin for the first time since they started driving and gesturing with his head as though Erin should know what he was asking. Erin just continued to look at him in confusion, wondering what he was getting at. She mulled over his question for a couple of more seconds before things snapped into place for her. The interaction Jay saw between her and Dodds this morning, her busy night and her grumbling of her hurt back. Her eyes widened in realization at what Jay was implying, what was running through in his head. The wrong impression Jay obviously gotten of her relationship with her partner.

"No!" she answered, vehemently.

"No?" he raised his brows as though he didn't believe her.

"No!" she repeated, more adamantly. "Whatever you're thinking about me and Dodds, it's…..no."

"Oh," Erin quirked her eyebrows at his one worded reply. "I just thought with what I saw this morning and…" he continued on before Erin cut him off.

"There's nothing going on between me and Dodds. We're partners and friends and that's it. What you saw this morning was him teasing me like a brother would tease his little sister, that's it. And I didn't sleep so well last night hence my back killing me this morning. Not….not whatever you're thinking of." She explained, needing Jay to believe her and to kill any misunderstanding he might've gotten between her and Mike.

Jay just gave her a nod in reply and focused his attention back on the road. Erin kept her eyes on his side profile before turning her head ahead. Her head filled with a mixture of thoughts and feelings. She couldn't help but feel a bit of happiness at the situation. The thought of her being with Dodds obviously angered Jay and while Erin usually hated possessiveness in her relationship, she couldn't stop her heart from skipping a beat at Jay's. She mentally chastised herself for feeling this way, because she no longer belonged to him, nor he to her. If she _was_ in a relationship with Dodds, he didn't have a right to be angry. Not like she would ever go there with Dodds, but still if she wanted to, she could. But she chanced another glance over at Jay who still had his eyes focused on the road but she took notice of the loosen grip on the wheel, his relaxed body and his fingers bouncing lightly as he bopped along on the song on the radio and she couldn't stop the small smile that came over her face.

* * *

They spent hours interviewing what seemed like every nurse in Chicago Med, trying to get more details into Lisa Brown's professional life. Everyone seemed to say the same thing when describing the deceased nurse: nice, kind, friendly, popular among staff and patients, and all were lost as to who would be cruel enough to murder the woman. Erin thanked the last nurse they needed to interview and she and Jay made their way out of the conference room.

"We're getting nothing," Jay said, frustrated at the lack of revealing information. "If Yates really killed her, then it was a random attack." Erin had to agree with him. There was no connection between her and Yates and there was no one with an obvious motive or vendetta in her life. It seemed as though she was just an unfortunate victim of circumstances.

Erin felt her body slightly jolt as Jay stepped closer to her as they walked down the hall of the hospital. Their bodies brushing up each other as they walked and Erin gave a quick glance at Jay who seemed perfectly fine at the close proximity. Well, she wasn't going to look a horse's gift in the mouth and she sure had no problem if Jay didn't deem it necessary for personal space. She thought back over to the events of earlier. She had to admit that she was worried about how they would work together, if they would adjust back to the ease of their old partnership where they were on the same frequency and could read each other thoughts and react without needing words. But it seemed as though she was worried for nothing because they seemed to fall back into place as they interviewed the nurses. Jay seemed to know which questions she wanted to ask, which follow up questions to ask, when she wanted to talk alone with certain nurses who were uncomfortable interacting with cops and left them alone without Erin needing to ask. She was happy that even though everything has changed between them, that relationship hasn't changed between them.

Jay shook Erin out of her thoughts as he turned left into another bland hallway, the opposite direction of the exit. "I told Will I'd stop by for a quick second," Jay supplied the explanation before Erin could ask. He waited for her to reach his side again before continuing their path.

"How's Will?" She hadn't seen or talked to the younger Halstead brother in two years. They always had an easy and fun relationship, loving to gang up on Jay with embarrassing stories of his youth and how well Jay fulfilled the duties of a househusband.

"He's doing good. Pretty much still the same. He, uh, he and Natalie got engaged."

"Really? That's great!" Erin smiled, recalling the last time she and Jay had to listen to Will lament about Natalie and how great they can be together if she'd just give him a chance over several shots of tequila. It seemed as though the doctors finally realized what was there in front of them and Will got what he wanted. She felt Jay's gaze on her, wanting to say something. "What?"

Jay stayed quiet for a second before replying. "Just a heads up, Will might not be as…..friendly you remember." Erin frowned. "He was there for me and saw how messed up I was. He's just being a protective brother." Jay explained.

"Does he know I'm back in town?" Erin questioned and Jay nodded in response. "Maybe I should wait for you in the car?'

Jay quickly shook his head. "No. We talked last night and he knows you're back to help out with the case. I told him to behave and he said he wanted to see you." Erin scoffed to herself, not believing Jay. She understood why Will felt the way he did, after all she had left his brother and she knew the two brothers had gotten super close ever since Will moved back to Chicago. It was natural to be mad at the person who hurt your family. Erin understood that.

Any final chance Erin had of avoiding Will went out the window as they saw the doctor looking over a patient's file at the counter, his fiancé by his side. Natalie spotted the two detectives first and relayed the information to Will.

"Hey," Will said as he turned to greet them, his eyes focused on Erin. Erin gave him a small hesitant smile. The two stood there, not knowing how to approach the other before they both simultaneously stepped forward for an awkward hug.

"How you doing Will? Hi Natalie." Erin offered before exchanging hugs with the female doctor.

"Heard you were back." Will stated, voice trying to sound friendly but not quite succeeding. "How long you staying this time?" Erin saw Jay gave Will a murderous look. "I mean, just are you back for good?"

"I'm here with SVU to assist with the case," Erin replied. "I heard you guys got engaged. Congratulations."

Genuine smiles came over both doctors at Erin's mention of their upcoming nuptials. Erin couldn't help but smiled back at their happiness. "Did you guys set a date yet?"

"We're thinking either end of the spring or the beginning of summer. When the weather's still nice and before it gets too hot," Natalie answered. "I want an outdoor wedding and would rather not sweat in my wedding dress."

"I'll be the one wearing the black tux while you'll be wearing something strapless or sleeveless," Will teased, "If anyone has to worry about sweating, it'll be me."

Erin smiled before her eyes fell on Natalie's hand and the ring that adorned the ring finger. "Wow," Erin gushed, reaching over to hold Natalie's hand and get a closer look at the ring. "The ring is beautiful." Erin said as she examined the ring closer. A square cut diamond laid proudly on a simple band with smaller diamonds surround the centerpiece. It was gorgeous but simple, classic and understated, just like Erin preferred. It was a ring she would've chosen for herself. "At least no matter what dress you'll be wearing, you'll know it'll go perfectly with that ring," she complimented.

Erin didn't notice the silence that fell upon the other three until she felt Natalie sheepishly withdrawing her hand from Erin's soft hold. Erin looked up in confusion and frowned slightly at the sudden shift of atmosphere. Will was darting his eyes everywhere else, not meeting her eyes while Natalie was giving her an awkward smile. Her eyes caught Jay's and she saw something flashed in his eyes before glazing over. She watched worriedly as Jay's breath quickened, eyes watering and she couldn't stop herself from reaching over to his arms. "Jay?" her soft voice knocked him out of his trance and she watched him take a step back from her, swallowing a breath. "You ok?"

Jay gave her a small nod before answering tightly "we should go." He didn't wait before starting to leave, not bothering to say bye to his brother and his future sister-in-law. Erin offered a quick goodbye and a final congratulations before following Jay's quick stride, confused at what transpired minutes before. She faintly heard Will and Natalie returning her greeting with a goodbye of their own but she was more focused on the man in front of her and his sudden shift in behavior.

* * *

They didn't say a word as they made their way back to the truck and headed back to the district. Erin was lost and confused as the tense atmosphere from before found its way back to the small space. She saw the tight grip, the quick breaths and the tight frown made their way back onto Jay. She mulled over the earlier interaction, trying to find some answer that would explain the strange reactions she had gotten from the three. She could come up with only one reason why they would react the way they did and she cursed to herself.

"Listen Jay," she wanted to apologize, coming to the conclusion that she crossed some boundaries by grabbing Natalie's hand to gush over the ring. She didn't want him to feel like she overstepped in any way or was trying to fish her way to a wedding invitation. She wasn't expecting to be invited nor was she even sure she'd go if by some off chance they invited her. "I'm sorry."

Jay snapped his head to her, frowning. "For what?"

"Earlier, I honestly wasn't trying to fish for an invitation. I swear." Erin explained. "I just thought the ring was beautiful. I'm not expecting to be invited." Jay's frown deepened. "I probably overstepped and made everyone feel awkward. I'm sorry." She offered again.

Jay turned his attention back to the road, silent for a minute before taking a deep breath. "Don't be. You didn't do anything wrong or overstepped anything."

Confusion returned to Erin's head. She was still lost at what happened and why she was the one in the dark about it. "Then what happened back there?" she questioned.

Jay let out another deep sigh, remaining silent otherwise. Erin waited before she realized that Jay wasn't going to give her an answer. She turned her attention to her side window, watching as small flecks of snow started to come down. She said something wrong, she was sure, she put her foot in her mouth unknowingly and it seemed as though she wasn't going to get an explanation as to what she said. She sighed sadly to herself as her attention remained on the light pattering of snow starting to gather on the streets. She knew it wasn't going to be easy, hurt and heartbreak didn't go away overnight. She just thought, foolishly now she might add, that they were making small progress forward. That the easiness of their work relationship would mean the same for their personal one. But it seemed as though Jay wasn't ready.

"Trust me Erin," Jay's quiet voice broke Erin out of her reverie, "you don't want to know." He muttered.

Erin turned her head back out the window. Yeah, Jay definitely wasn't ready to forgive her yet.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Erin had kept her distance from him as soon as they got back to the district. Jay knew it was his fault that she felt so skittish around him but he couldn't help it. He was a mess and he knew it. His emotions were all over the place ever since she'd been back. One minute he's so happy that she's here, that he had a chance to see her again and be in her presence then the next minute, he's angry, because how dare she. The audacity of her to come storming back in his life with no warnings after leaving it, _him_, the same way, with no explanation, not even the decency to say goodbye face to face. Didn't look him in the eyes to say it was over. He wasn't being reasonable, he knew. Deep down, he understood that she needed to leave, that Chicago had become too toxic for her two years ago, especially with Bunny's claws into her. That the further she was away from the train wreck that is Bunny Fletcher, the better. But still it doesn't mean it didn't hurt that she was able to walk out of his permanently without looking back.

He had thought he had put that hurt away, tucked it away in a box along with his feelings for her, the hopes and dreams of their future and the consuming need to make sure she was ok, happy and safe. He had acted as much, putting his energy into his work, into hanging out with his co-workers so they don't worry and hover anymore than they do, into being a good brother and a good uncle to Owen. And he almost convinced himself that he was fine, he was ok. That he had accepted that the future he so desperately wanted with Erin was no longer in the cards. That he wished her nothing but happiness and that she finds someone that loves her unconditionally.

But it turns out he had just been pretending, putting on an act. An act he had apparently mastered because he had fooled even himself. Because it turned out he wasn't ok, he hadn't truly dealt with his feelings about her, about them and he certainly wasn't ok with the notion of her moving on. He had felt the burning rage of jealously when he saw her and Dodds earlier, the easy interaction they had that reminded him so much of their own in the past. He couldn't stop himself from asking her about her new partner and the nature of their relationship, flip-flopping between desperately needing to know and not wanting to know in case the answer wasn't what he'd like. The feeling of relief filled his chest at her adamant denial of anything more than a professional relationship. He felt his body relaxed and the pressure in his chest that made its way there since he witnessed their earlier interaction eased.

Only for an even worse pain to struck him as he watched and listened to her gush over Natalie's ring. His mom's engagement ring. Erin's ring. The ring that was meant to be her finger, if only the universe wasn't so cruel and he and Erin didn't mess things up. Only if he was fast enough to pull the ring out of his pockets before she placed her hands on his chest for the final time and walked away for good. Now it was on someone else's finger, a symbol of promise to someone else. He was truly happy for Will and Natalie, happy that the ring that is so precious had found a good home and wasn't residing in a dark deposit box. But hearing how much Erin loved the ring, how she would've loved it broke his heart and he had to walk away. He needed to get out of the suffocating walls and needed to get out to breathe. She had thought she did something wrong. He felt bad at her apology, her need to explain that she didn't mean to overstep. It wasn't her fault, she didn't know. It was no one's fault really, it was just the way the dice rolled. Never in his favor.

"You ok?" Hailey asked, watching him carefully. He tried to give her his best reassuring smile. He didn't want anyone to worry. She looked skeptical but she knew it was better to leave it alone and he was grateful for it.

"How did it go?" Voight asked as everyone gathered back in the bullpen, ready to share what they have found out over the past hours.

"We got Stone to grant permission for the exhumation." Dodds spoke up, "It only took a lot of convincing and sucking up but we got it."

"We also talked to the graveyard owner of where Yates is buried and the earliest they could do it is tomorrow so we have to wait," Hailey added, knowing that waiting until tomorrow is better than not getting a chance at all.

"Ok," Voight accepted. "How about the rest of you?"

Antonio cleared his throat uncomfortably. "Me and O found something. It's pretty major."

Jay leaned forward in anticipation. He and Erin didn't find any important lead so he was glad that someone else did.

"The medical examiner that confirmed Yates' death, John Kelley, he quit a week after he worked on Yates." Olinsky shared.

"Did you guys find him? Get a chance to talk to him?" Erin questioned. Jay watched as Antonio and Olinsky shared an uncomfortable look.

"Can't," Antonio shrugged. "He committed suicide two days after he quit." The information caught everyone off guard. "According to his wife, he apparently suffered a mental breakdown leading to him retiring and he killed himself before she could get him any help."

"His family had history of bipolar disorder. He was never diagnosed with it officially but his wife said he suffered several bouts of depression and was occasionally on anti-depressants." Olinsky added.

"Great," Kevin said, sarcastically. "The one person that pronounced Yates officially dead was apparently off his rocker and off himself. That's just perfect."

Jay rubbed his forehead, frustrated that it was more and more likely that Yates was still kicking. He looked over at Erin to gauge her reaction and wasn't particularly surprised to find her face stoic. She always had a tendency to hide how she was truly feeling, no matter how much he tried to coax her into opening up. It was her defense mechanism, one of many.

"What about you two?" Hank directed the question over to him and Erin. He cleared his throat, deciding he would speak up. He knew that even though Erin looked stoic and unaffected, it was taking everything she had to remain that way. He didn't want her to break.

"Nothing much," he answered, eyes glancing over the notes he took. "Everyone pretty much said the same things, she was well-liked and had no enemy. She was completely harmless, responsible and had no one with an axe to grind against her." He returned Erin's small smile of thanks with one of his own. He'd always have her back, always.

"That's pretty much the same for us too," Adam piped up. "Everyone in her personal life said pretty much the same about Lisa. No one with a motive."

"I think it's time we accept the fact that she was murdered because she was unfortunate enough to be the victim of opportunity for Yates." Amanda spoke up, "We can continue to comb through her life, hoping to find another suspect or we can actually face facts that Yates is our main suspect and focus on finding him and stopping him, making sure he doesn't escape death twice."

Jay had to agree with Rollins and as he glanced around the room, it seemed as though others shared the same opinions. They could bury their head in the sand all they want, ignoring the big psychopath elephant in the room. Or they could face the growing mound of evidence that Yates , somehow someway, escaped death and was still continuing on his mission of terrorizing innocent women.

"Tomorrow, we get our answer when we dig up the grave of the bastard. If the son of a bitch is not six feet under like we thought, we hunt his ass down and we put him back where he belongs. Understood?" Voight barked. Jay certainly had no objections to that.

* * *

"So did you miss me today?" Dodds teased as Erin pulled into the hotel parking lot. "I missed you."

Erin rolled her eyes, a smile on her lips. "Actually it was so refreshing to not have to be around you all day," Dodds jokingly placed a hand over his heart, feigning hurt. Erin chuckled at his dramatic action. She enjoyed working with Dodds and they have come a long way in their partnership. When Erin first transferred to SVU and Olivia had partnered her with the Sergeant, they didn't exactly get along. He was determined to prove his worth to the team and that he deserved to be there, to quell any chatter of nepotism and she was just as eager to get a fresh start and prove to Olivia that she didn't make the wrong decision in offering Erin a spot on her team. The two often clashed, both stubborn and used to doing things their ways. Erin was annoyed at Dodd's arrogant nature, habits of his privileged upbringing, and the lording of his higher ranking title over her. He was annoyed at her stubbornness, her overwhelming empathy and her habit of her getting too emotionally attached to victims and their stories. They had gotten into several shouting matches, him calling her a bleeding heart and her deeming him a heartless asshole. But they were determined to not let their dislike for each other show at work, the sense of needing to prove their worth strong for them both.

It wasn't until Mike's fiancé broke up with him that they began to make progress. The usually put together Sergeant started showing up to work a mess, suits wrinkled, hair out of place, and usually coordinated ties unmatched. Erin, worried and taking pity on her partner, took him out for drinks and he opened up to her about his broken heart and it was then that Erin began to see Mike in a new light. Where she began to realize that he wasn't all ambitions and political aspirations as she made him out to be. From there, the two began to build a tentative friendship and started to see each other beyond the masks they both put up and after a while, they fell into a comfortable relationship. He treated her like a little sister he never had and she began to see him as another rare confidant she had in New York. It wasn't anything like her relationship or partnership with Jay. There was no sexual tension or lingering feelings or promises of one day with them and that's how she liked it.

"It was actually refreshing for me too. Working with a female detective that actually knows how to flirt back," he nudged, "you just waste all my effort."

"Maybe Hailey actually wants to be flirted with," Erin retorted, "but that's probably because she hasn't spend more than an hour with you and hasn't seen your true self."

"Again with the words," Dodds said, "you wound me, Lindsay."

Erin grinned, "that's my only perk of working with you Dodds. Now get out of my car and let me get some sleep." He chuckled, opening the car door and stepping out. He leaned over the open window to bid her goodnight and walked inside the hotel where the other SVU detectives beside her were staying at.

She continued watching Dodds made his way into the hotel, making sure he safely made his way inside before rolling up the open window. Chicago winter was still a beast to reckon with and she didn't need to fall sick. She pulled out of the parking spot, making her way back to Kim's apartment. Kim had decided to take her advice and made dinner plans with Adam for the night but had ordered Erin to feel at home at her apartment.

She blasted the heat in the car, her body running cold as usual. It was one thing she didn't miss about Chicago, the brutal and biting winter. She signaled to make a left turn and looked back through her rearview mirror when she noticed a black sedan behind her. Not thinking much of it, she continued on her path to her temporary abode until she noticed the same sedan still following her, this time a car between them. Perhaps it was her cops instincts or paranoia but she grew uneasy. Needing to test whether it was just a coincidence and that the car was just going in the same direction as her, she merged onto the right lane to make a quick right. She furrowed her brows as she watched the sedan make the same right, this time directly behind her.

She looked through her rearview mirror to see if she could see the driver but the tinted nature of the window along with the lack of daylight prevented her from getting a good look. Her heart started to pound, her fear growing at the possibility that a strange car was following her. She merged to make another right and sure enough, the car did the same. She repeated the right turn two more times and watched as the car repeated the same actions. Now she was sure it was following her, no one needed to make four straight right turns. You'd just end up in the same place.

She felt her heart quickened, thinking about what to do, how to proceed. She didn't want to lead whoever it was back to Kim's apartment, didn't want to put her friend in danger. She weighted her options before taking a sharp left turn to head to the place she knew she'd be safe at, the sedan still behind her.

She felt a slight relief when the 21st district came into view and she pulled into the officers' parking lot, parking her car but not turning off her engine just in case she needed to make a quick escape. Her heart pounded in her chest and she gripped her steering wheel as the sedan slowly rolled up, side windows tinted preventing the view inside. The car slowly rolled to a stop on the curb and Erin's hand went to the gun attached to her holster, ready to take action needed. She waited with bated breath as the car remained running but parked and the owner made no move to reveal him or herself.

After what felt like hours, the sedan began to move and it slowly made its way away from the curb and drove off. Erin tried to take a breath, to steady herself and calm her beating heart but found unable to do so. She gripped the steering wheel, placing her head on it, trying to get past the biting cold and the chilling experience to get enough oxygen in her lungs. She hung her head on the wheel as she finally started to feel her heart and her chest cooperating with her and she started to calm. She closed her eyes, head still down, relishing in the ability to take a deep breath.

Only for the small calmness to be gone as she heard rapid knocks on her windows. She startled and immediately snapped her head up, hand on the gun holster only to be met with the worried eyes of Jay, staring at her. She sighed in relief at the familiar face and Jay motioned for her to roll down her window.

"You ok?" worried evident in his voice as he took her in, eyes shifting up and down to assess her for anything wrong. She gave him the most reassuring smile she could but she could tell it didn't fool him. "What are you still doing here? You left a while ago." He questioned her.

"I, um" she tried to think quickly on how to answer him. His concern for her was obvious and she didn't want to worry him. She wasn't even sure what had happened earlier, if she was being paranoid at a coincidence or if someone was actually tailing her. But seeing as she was safe and fine, for now at least, she just wanted to put the incident out of her mind and chalk it up to a coincidence. "I thought I forgot something in the bullpen but I found it."

Jay cocked an eyebrow and Erin knew he wasn't buying her excuse. "So you decided to take a nap in your car?" Jay continued to look at her closely, his eyes inquisitive at her state. "Come on Erin. I know you and I know you're not going to spend a minute longer than necessary in your car when it's this cold. What's going on? You ok?"

If it was anyone else, Erin would be annoyed at the pestering but since it's Jay, she knew that it came from a good place. Besides he was right, he did know her and knew of her hate for the cold. She was always begging him to turn up the heat in the car and running out of the car the second they arrived at their destinations. "I'm fine, Jay." She reconfirmed.

She watched as Jay took in her answer, trying to decide to take her answer at face value or not. She sighed a breath of relief when he seemed to accept her answer. "Ok then. Bye." He said softly before turning to leave. Erin looked at the retreating back of Jay, an overpowering desire to be in his arms washing over her. She knew she'd be safe and warm in his arms and that was exactly what she needed at this moment. Trying to quash her selfish desire to call him to her and give her comfort, she bit her tongue as he continued to walk away.

She watched as he took a couple more steps away from her before stopping suddenly and stood there, seeming to be debating with himself about something. She quirked her brow in surprise as he turned back and made his way back to her. He leaned down to the open window and sheepishly asked, "you, uh…you want to get a drink?" Safe to say she was surprised at his invitation but quickly agreed, trying to convince herself that she needed a drink to calm her nerves and spending time with Jay was just an additional perk but knowing deep down, it was the opposite.

* * *

Entering Molly's, it was like coming home. Not that she saw the bar as home but it was comforting to see that seemingly nothing has changed with the setting.. The same twinkling lights hung from the ceilings, customers surround the same wooden chairs and tables and the friendly face of Hermann stood behind the bar, serving happy customers their chosen libations of the night. She and Jay had driven separately and she had arrived first, not yet seeing him enter the bar. At first glance, she didn't see many familiar faces in the crowd so she decided to make her way to the bar, wanting to say 'hello' to Hermann.

Her smile widened as Hermann noticed her and walked out from the behind the bar and give her a hug. "Hi sweetheart," his preferred name for her, "Good to see you." She gave a big smile in reply. "Now what can I get you?"

"A beer is fine," Erin replied as Hermann return to his usual position, handing her a cold beer and telling her it was on the house. "Thanks Hermann." She took a sip, letting the cold liquid washed down and she waited for Jay to make his appearance. She was too busy, looking around the room, that she was taken completely off-guard by the arms that came around her waist. She quickly turned around as best she could, ready to defend herself when Kelly Severide's face came into view. She relaxed immediately at the friendly face and gave him a hard smack on his arm.

"You scared the shit out of me, Kelly," she admonished, "You surprise me!"

Kelly laughed. "You walk into Molly's after two years and you're talking about me surprising you? Girl, you're the one full of surprises." Kelly teased before pulling her into a tight hug. "How have you been? I missed you."

Erin smiled. "Good. You?"

"Great. So are you back for good?" Erin shook her head before telling him that she was here for a case. She tried to look for Jay as Kelly had his arms around her shoulder and he noticed her eyes traveling around. "Looking for someone?"

She felt bad, she didn't want to make Kelly think she wasn't happy to see him. "Jay."

"Ah," Kelly replied, knowingly. "Your boy."

"He's not my boy," Erin cut in. "We're just having a drink together."

"Still, I better get my arms off of you then." Kelly teased, pulling his arm off of her. "Don't want to piss Halstead off." She clucked her tongue, ready to lecture him on how she's not a property when Jay walked in and spotted her and Kelly. He walked over them, a tight look on his face.

"Jay, my man," Kelly held out his hand as Jay reached them. "How you doing man?" Erin watched as the two men exchanged greetings, staggered by the familiarly between them. Last thing she remembered was that the two weren't big fans of each other, not that they showed it outright but tension and strange sense of needing to outdo each other always surrounded them. She had also been another source of tension between them. Perhaps her departure from both of their lives had allowed the two men to get over the unspoken competition.

"Enjoy your night guys," Kelly grabbed the drink he came to the bar for and walked back to his waiting friends. Jay placed his order and was quickly served and he gave Hermann a look of appreciation. "Want to get a table?" he motioned over to the empty table near the back of the bar, far from the busy front of the house. Erin complied and followed Jay, apprehensive about not having the crowd to play buffer between them.

"So.."

"So.." Erin repeated, pursing her lips. She had never felt so awkward around Jay, didn't know which subject was safe to approach with him.

Jay bit his lip, "you doing ok with everything? I know this whole Yates thing can't be easy for you."

Erin shrugged. "Yeah, I guess as ok as I can be. To be honest, I don't think it has fully sunk in yet. Maybe my brain is trying to protect me, by tricking itself into thinking it's just another case." Erin revealed. "It just seem impossible you know. Dead people don't come back to life. I just want to find out one way or another and if it is truly him, I want to take him out. I need to make sure I finish this."

"Yeah," Jay agreed. "You'd think we'd be used to crazy things popping up by now, with our jobs and everything. But no matter what we find tomorrow Erin, you have to take care of yourself."

"Jay,"

"No, I mean it Erin," the urgency in Jay's voice took Erin off guard, "You can't let it get to you, not like last time." Jay grabbed Erin's hand that was resting across the bar. "Yates had already taken too much from you. Don't give him anymore."

Erin looked down at the hold he had on her wrist and looked up into his eyes, worry and concern shining through. She swallowed before bringing her head up and down in affirmation. "Thank you," she rasped. "For caring." Her eyes returned to the connected hands.

Jay cleared his throat, as if he finally realized what he was doing and let her wrist go. He looked embarrassed at his outburst and darted his eyes around, avoiding looking at her. She decided to give him a reprieve and changed the subject.

"So you and Kelly, you guys seemed to be friends,"

"Yeah, he's a good guy." Jay said, "Solid dude."

"Solid dude?" Erin cocked her eyebrow. "Last time, you were ready to accuse him of a hit and run."

Jay gave her a look. "Well, in my defense, evidence was against him and I didn't exactly share your blind faith in the guy. But I'm glad I was proven wrong about him and we've come to an understanding."

Curiousity gpt the best of Erin. "Now you guys are buddy buddy?"

"No," Jay shook his head. "Not exactly best buds but like I said, we've come to an understanding. I like the guy."

"What happened between you two?" Erin's interest peaked at the look that passed on Jay's face. He took a long sip of his beer before answering.

"He helped me out with my dad's killer," Jay revealed. "He was there for me after my dad died."

Erin sucked in a breath, not expecting that to be answer. She swallowed nervously, hating that she drove them into the topic. "I'm sorry about your dad Jay."

Jay released a small scoff. Erin frowned at his reaction. "Yeah thanks," he replied, voice flat. "I…." Erin waited as Jay looked like he wanted to say something before biting his tongue.

"What is it Jay? You can tell me." Erin reached over to his hand that was resting on the table, staggering when Jay pulled his hand out of her hold.

"Where were you Erin?" Jay bit out. "I…..my dad was dying, I was lost in my guilt and all I wanted was to talk to you. I called and called, left you messages but I didn't hear back from you, not once." Hurt colored Jay's words and Erin felt her heart break. "You must've known about him dying, you're the only one outside of Will that knows about my relationship with him and you didn't even bother to call. You didn't care."

Erin shook her head, softly. Her heart hurting at the thought of Jay suffering alone and thinking she didn't care about him when it was the exact opposite. "No, Jay. That's not true." She needed him to know that his belief that she didn't care about him was the furthest thing from the truth. "I do care."

Jay let out a small laugh of disbelief. "Yeah you sure showed how much by cutting me off."

"Jay," Erin reached for his hand again, missing it as Jay pulled out of reach.

"No, Erin." Jay cut her off. "Don't sit there and tell me that you care when your actions prove the opposite. How can you care when you kicked me out of your life? When you don't reply to my calls or messages, when I begged you on the phone to just talk, to let me hear your voice? When I told you how much I needed you and you don't reply. How is that caring?"

Erin's eyes teared up at Jay's broken voice. She wanted to tell Jay everything, to explain why she didn't answer his calls, why she forced herself to lock her phone away so she wouldn't be tempted to call him after hearing his voicemails, after hearing his voice. "I thought I was protecting you."

Jay's eyes snapped up at her revelation. "What?"

"I thought it was the best thing for you." she confessed.

"Bullshit," Jay spat, harshly. "that's a load of bull and you know it. You broke my heart Erin. You walked out of my life without a goodbye so don't sit there and try to spin it as some sort of a martyr act. How is you leaving without a goodbye the best thing for me?"

"You left first," Erin argued, hurt at the accusation Jay was throwing at her. "You walked out the door first Jay and you reasoned as it protecting me so don't sit there and accuse me of lying to you."

Jay sneered. "So what? It was some sort of revenge?" he asked bitterly. She saw a flash of regret on his face at the question before his anger took over again.

"No!" she protested, "It wasn't some sort of revenge. I had to leave. I didn't have much choice. You know that. I thought you'd understand that."

Jay shook his head, "No Erin, I don't understand it. I can't understand it. Because the difference between me and you, Erin, is that I was always planning on coming home to you. I told you I needed space but it was always going to be temporary, until I had my shit under control. There was never a doubt in my mind that I was coming home to you. I looked you in the eyes and said goodbye. I didn't make you beg Will just to find out where I'd run off to. I didn't make you walk into our home only to find everything packed up and gone and a picture of us thrown on the floor. So don't tell me I'd understand because I don't."

Erin wiped at the tear that made it way down her face, heart hurting at Jay's revelation of what he went through at her abrupt departure. She knew she had hurt him, had broken him. Hank told her as much when he called her after she arrived in New York, how worried he had been for Jay and Erin knew it was serious because Hank was never one to reveal just how much he cared about his team, especially Jay. But her hands were tied, she knew she couldn't go back because she had nothing to go back to. She could only move forward and had tried to convince herself that all Jay needed was time, that he'd eventually would see that Erin wasn't all that special and he'd be over her and move on with someone more deserving of him. Someone that wasn't all drama and bad news, one that could bring light to his life instead of the darkness and chaos that followed her.

She forced herself not to care whenever she'd find a missed call or a message waiting for her from him. Only when she was at her weakest point, where she was unable to fight the urge to contact him, she'd answer him. She knew it wasn't being fair to him, to keep him tethered to her when she couldn't give him what he deserved so she let him go.

"I'm sorry," Erin said, genuinely. "I'm gonna go." She whispered as she slowly got up, gathering her jacket. Jay let out a bitter laugh.

"Yeah," Jay bit out, "that's what you do best right Erin? Walking out?" Erin let out a breath, biting her tongue.

"I'm not walking out," Erin replied, all fight gone from her voice. "I'm walking away Jay. If there's anything these last few days showed me is that I want you in my life. So I'm doing the smart thing and walking away for now before we both say or do something we can't take back." She closed her jacket. "I know you don't believe me and I can't blame you but it was never my intention to hurt you Jay. I know I did and I hate myself for it because you are the last person who I want to hurt. If you don't believe anything else I say, please believe that. I'm sorry." She braved herself to lean over to give him a peck on his cheek, leaving him stunned, eyes unblinking, and she left him with a small sad smile on her face.

* * *

"God damn it!" He slammed the coffee pot back to its warmer, cursing at the electronic gods for not complying with him that morning. Nothing had been going his way since the sun came up. First he woke up with a raging hangover, courtesy of the whiskey he had drank last night after Erin left him sitting at the table alone. Then the snow that had fallen overnight had prevented him from driving his car so he had to call Ruzek for a ride. Third, he had already snapped at Ruzek for being late and making him late. Jay hated being tardy and had prided himself on always being early but damn Ruzek and his inability to be on time. And now the coffeemaker was conspiring against him because it wouldn't start and give him the nectar of the gods he so desperately needed this morning. He slapped the coffeemaker again before pressing the button hard., finally hearing the machine start brewing.

"Whoa, what did the coffeemaker ever do to you?" he ignored Hailey when she entered the break room, not being up for any sort of banter. "Ok," Hailey's tone told him that she got the hint that he wasn't in the mood that morning. He grabbed his usual mug and waited as the pot slowly filled with the black liquid.

"You ok?" Hailey asked as she took out her usual bottle of smoothie out of the fridge. "You look like hell."

"Then looks like you already got your answer," Jay snapped, "So why bother asking?"

He saw Hailey bristled at his rudeness and perhaps another day, he would've felt bad but this morning and after what happened last night, he couldn't bother to care much. He filled his cup as the coffeemaker finished brewing the coffee, taking a sip and letting the effect of the drink work its magic on him. Maybe he'd feel a bit more human and less snapping dragon after he had his fill.

"Got it," Hailey grumbled. "Won't bug you again." Jay sighed as she started to walk out of the break room. Now that he is a bit more awake, he did feel bad about snapping at his partner.

"I'm sorry," he called out, Hailey halting on her exit. "It's just been a crappy morning and I took it out on you." On everyone. He'd have to apologize to Ruzek too, especially since Adam was nice enough to help him out and give him a ride. He didn't deserve Jay snapping at him.

Hailey gave him a nod of understanding. "It's fine." She stepped closer. "Look, I know that everyone else is all thrilled and happy that Erin' back and everything and it's good but…"

"But what?"

"I'm just wondering how you're dealing with it?" Hailey inquired. "I'm your partner and my sense of loyalty is to you first and foremost and I just want to know how you're doing."

Jay narrowed his eyes. "And I appreciate that," he replied. "and I'm fine. I don't need you acting hostile to Erin or treating her like an enemy because she's not." he added, feeling the need to defend Erin. Hailey raised her hands.

"I didn't mean it like that Jay," Hailey clarified, "I just meant that maybe everyone is just too distracted with everything and I don't want you falling to the wayside."

"I'm fine," he repeated. "So you can stop worrying about me." Hailey nodded, accepting his answer.

"Ok," she said, "I also came to tell you that we're gonna head out for the exhumation in about twenty minutes. Just waiting for Al to get back from an assignment." Jay heaved a sigh, the exhumation forgotten in his head until Hailey reminded him of it. "What?" she questioned.

"I just can't believe this is actually happening," he admitted. "That we're about to dig up Yates to see if he's actually in there." Jay looked out the window, looking for Erin. They were about to confirm whether Yates was actually buried or not and he was worried about her and how she'd handled the outcome of what they were about to do. "She shouldn't be here," he mumbled.

"What?" Hailey asked, not hearing him completely. "Who?"

"Erin," he continued, "she shouldn't be here. Not for this. She shouldn't have to deal with this, Yates, again."

"Jay, I think she can handle it."

"I know that," he retorted, "But she shouldn't have to. Yates already took too much from her, he can't take anymore." He let out a small laugh, humor non-existence, "I'd rather her be safe in New York, away from this, and not see her again than have her be close and deal with Yates again." he divulged before walking out of the break room.

* * *

"I can't stress this enough," Hank declared to the team, "whatever we find has to stay in house. We don't need the public to find out and start panicking. Or grubby journalists to get wind of this and start digging into where they shouldn't. Got it?" He waited to get confirmation from the team before turning back to the graveyard workers. "Alright, let her rip."

The graveyard worker operating the crane started the engine and guided it to the ground where Yates was supposed to be buried. Getting a final thumb ups from the officials that were there to supervise the exhumation process, the worker spiked the crane down to start digging up the casket. Jay rubbed his hands together in an attempt to keep warm before deciding it pointless and stuck his hands in his leather jacket. He glimpsed through the rest of the team and found most had their attention captivated on the crane. But he just wanted to focus on Erin and see how she was doing with the whole process. It didn't matter what happened last night or the hurt words that he spat out to her, he couldn't stifle the concern he had for her and it annoyed him. That no matter what she did or said, he still felt the need to put her well-being first. He was glad to find Voight and Kim keeping her close and the worry he was feeling tempered down a bit. If he couldn't be the one to be there for her, he was happy she had people who also loved her to be there.

"Lift it up!" the command from the official directed his attention away from Erin and back to the grave. He watched as the worker carefully lifted the crane, bringing up the casket before laying it gently on the ground. Then two other workers stepped forward with a crowbar to pry the casket open.

"You ready?" the official that Stone sent over to oversee the process asked Hank.

"Let's see it," Voight answered and motioned for the workers to open the casket fully. Jay walked closer to the casket, letting out a deep exhale, bracing himself for whatever they were about to find. He shuffled closer to look inside the open casket and let out a string of curses at what he found inside or more correctly, what he didn't see inside.

The casket that was supposed to contain the deceased body of Yates was empty, Yates' body nowhere to be found.


	6. Chapter 6

AN: Once again, thanks to everyone that reviewed/followed/favorite the story. I love reading your feedbacks and am happy that you guys are enjoying the story. I'm having fun writing the story too. I wanted to get an update up sooner but couldn't do it. But this chapter is my longest yet so enjoy! Hope you guys like it.

* * *

Chapter 6

Erin needed to get away. Her heart was pounding so hard she can barely hear what's going on around her. Audible gasps of shock, muttering of curses and whispers of worries made their way over her head and little that actually made their way in her ear immediately just went out the other. She broke the soft protective hold Kim had on her and turned to get away from the crowd, needing space to process and just _breathe_. She heard her name being called, heard mumbling of 'I got her' but she didn't care at the moment.

She leaned against a tree and inhaled deeply. This really couldn't be happening. She had tried to put the possibility of Yates' body missing out of her mind, tried to convince herself that this whole case was just a misunderstanding, that Yates isn't actually alive. But she could fool herself no longer. The evidence was staring at her in the face and denial is no longer her ally. "Fuck!" she cursed loudly, anger no longer just simmering but now spilling out of her. It was her fault that this was happening. She was the one that took him out, felt relief at putting several bullets in Yates and was at peace knowing he could no longer do damage and terrorize women. But it seemed as though she had failed because he was still alive, still doing his work of terror, and now they had three innocent women dead to show for it.

"Erin," she turned briskly at the voice calling her. She didn't want to be interrupted, just wanted to be alone. She didn't think she can hear platitudes of how it's going to be ok and how they're going to catch him right now. She didn't want any sympathy or any worry because frankly, she didn't think she deserved it. The worried face of Jay was still looking at her, waiting for her to answer and to acknowledge him. She especially didn't want Jay near her right now. Not after the way she hurt him, he really shouldn't be concern for her. After all, didn't he think she didn't care about him? Why was he the one checking up on her? So she did the only thing she knew how to do: lash out.

"What the hell do you want?" she spat, "Here to lecture me some more about me walking out?" She felt remorseful at the flash of hurt that crossed Jay's face at her question. She knew Jay wouldn't do that, he wasn't vindictive. But she forced that feeling down and focused on her anger. "Well?"

Jay brushed off the snide remark. "You alright?" Jay asked, voice soft and far too caring.

Erin scoffed. "Just peachy," she replied, dead-panned. "Wonderful."

"Erin," Jay chided, clearly not pleased with her response.

Erin just shrugged. "I'm fine, Jay. Just leave me alone. You accused me of not caring about you so why don't you do me a favor and stop caring about me too ok?" She made to walk off but Jay grabbed her arm, stopping her. "What do you want from me Jay?" she asked, tiredly.

Jay just stared at her, eyes taking her in. "I want you to be alright. I want you to know that you have people by your side. That you don't have to put on this mask."

"I told you I'm fine." Erin shot back. "I don't need this right now ok? I'm fine and I'm gonna go back and do my job so just…..thanks for your concern Jay but I don't need this right now." She pulled her arm off his hand and walked away, still feeling his eyes on her retreating back. She forced herself not to look back. She needed to focus on finding Yates, breaking down while on the job is not an option for her.

* * *

"Alright, the cemetery owner just sent over the security footage," Kevin announced to the group, walking out of the corridor to the bullpen. "They only have cameras in the front door of the funeral parlor and the front gate. Didn't feel the need to monitor the rest of the graveyard since you know, normal people don't rob graves."

"Also, me and Al talked to the groundskeeper and he said that Yates' grave was a popular spot when he first died, you know kids and their obsession with serial killer so the area was always messy," Antonio added. "But he said it's been a while so the novelty is gone and he hasn't noticed anything disturbed about the grave."

"Focus on the security footage," Voight ordered. "See if we can spot anyone walking in or walking out that might be relevant. That's our only source of info for now. Olivia and Fin are taking the first flight out and they're bringing Yates' record from prison, his call logs, everything they have on the guy and they'll be here in a couple of hours. Let's wait for that."

Erin raised her hand. "Someone needs to go talk to Nellie and her mom. They need to know what's going on. Yates could be after them."

Voight nodded. "Ruzek, you and Burgess get a couple of uniforms and have them sit on them. Keep eyes on them at all times. Brief the uniform about what to look for and stay with them for a couple of hours to make sure they settle in." Adam and Kim complied, leaving the bullpen.

"Hank," Erin stepped closer. "Let me go talk to them and let them know gently. They're gonna be scared after what happened last time. I've dealt with them and I should go."

"Take Antonio with you," Antonio grabbed his jacket and followed Erin out of the room, headed to break the news to Yates' sister and mom that his body was missing from his grave.

* * *

Jay had been staring at his computer screen for hours. The only break he had taken was a quick lunch break where he swallowed and barely tasted the sandwich Kevin brought back for him. He rubbed his nose bridge, feeling the effect of straining his eyes for hours. He felt his frustration was growing, hours and hours of security footage and nothing. Nothing that might give them a lead into what happened to Yates' body. He heard Kevin sighed, knowing he was feeling the effect too.

After Kim, Adam, Antonio and Erin left for their tasks, the rest of them focused their attention on the massive amount of footage the graveyard owner sent over, giving them the full access from the time Yates was buried to today when they exhumed his grave. It was years of footage and Jay was glad at least they had multiple eyes on it when usually it was more Kevin and Adam's tasks. Still, it was boring and tedious to watch grieving people go in and out and nothing more.

"I need a coffee break," Hailey got up and stretched. "You want one?" she asked him. Jay shook his head before turning his attention back to his screen. He spent a couple of more minutes scanning through the footage before deciding that he did need some sort of a break and needed something to make him more alert, give him a new spurt of energy.

"Changed your mind," Hailey teased when she saw him enter the break room and head for the coffee maker. He gave her an unimpressed look and helped himself to a much needed cup. "My eyes are killing me." Hailey started, "how you doing?"

Jay shrugged, "Same. Frustrated that nothing's popping up. At least make our effort worth it."

Hailey hummed her agreement. "And how's Erin doing?" she asked hesitantly.

"I wouldn't know," Jay replied, "she wouldn't talk to me."

"Give her time," Hailey advised, "I mean, this is a pretty big bomb that got dropped. She just needs to process it."

"I know," Jay grumbled. "I just…." he went quiet, thinking of what to say. "Just never mind." he finalized, before leaving. He didn't want to get into the subject of Erin because even he wasn't sure what he was feeling. She had brushed him off earlier and to be honest, he was fully expecting it. He watched her ran off after finding the empty casket and he couldn't stop himself from going after her, needing to make sure she was ok. He stopped Kim from going after her, deciding that he would check up on her. At first, he was hurt at her harsh words but quickly recovered, understanding that she just needed to lash out, to focus her anger on something else so she wouldn't break. He'd gladly be her punching bag if she needed him to be, he just wanted her to be alright. Knowing Erin and her tendencies, he understood that she needed to walk away so she wouldn't be breaking down in front of her co-workers so he let her go, his heart hollow at the realization that he wouldn't be the one she'd turned to for comfort and reassurance anymore.

He sat back down at his desk, ready to resume for more hours of the mind numbing work when he heard footsteps up the stairs and the remaining members of the SVU made their presence known, a strange man in tow.

"Olivia," Hank greeted, walking out of his office at the sight of the newcomers. "Fin, glad you guys are here,"

Kevin got up to give Fin their special handshake. "Fin, my man. Good to see you again."

"I know you Intelligence guys are always needing our help so we're here to save the day….again," Fin snarked.

Jay's attention turned to the third new arrival, a man he didn't know and haven't seen before. "Guys, this is Dr. Ewan Peters." Olivia introduced the stranger to the group. "He has helped out with a couple of our cases before and is our go-to medical expert in a lot of cases. He was the one who worked on the fire vic and got her stabilized before she passed away."

Jay took in the new doctor: mid-thirties, dark blond hair, clean shaven, clearly well to do with his expensive suit and fancy shoes, topped off with a confident smile on his face while making introduction with everyone. Jay shook his offered hand.

"And you're here to what?" Voight asked the newcomer bluntly. Jay was glad he did because he was confused himself on why the doctor made the trip.

"I'm just here to assist in any way I can and I won't be here long," Ewan replied, Voight's bluntness not fazing him. Jay frowned slightly at how unintimidated the doctor was of Voight. That was certainly new.

"Serge, we're back," Adam's voice rang out as he and Kim made their way up to the bullpen. "Got two uniforms sitting on the Carr's house."

"Kim!" Ewan said cheerfully as the female cop made her way up and surprised her by immediately pulling her into a hug. "How are you?"

Kim looked taken aback for a bit at the sudden contact while Adam's eyes immediately narrowed at the strange man embracing his ex-fiancé. Jay's curiosity was peaked too at the familiarity that Kim and the new doctor had with each other. His mind shifting through to connect the dots of how they might've known each other.

"Ewan," Kim looked uncomfortable. "Hi, what are you doing here?"

"I tagged along for the case. Just in case you guys might need some help. It's good to see you again," Kim gave Ewan a small smile.

"Um, how do you guys know each other?" Adam piped up, unable to contain his question any longer. "You're from New York? With the SVU?"

"No, actually. I mean I am from New York but I'm not a detective. I'm a doctor." Ewan answered.

"A doctor, great!" Adam said, sounding anything but happy. "So you're here to help us out. Huh? How exactly?" Jay snickered as Kim shot Adam a glare, clearly unhappy with the jealously Adam was showing. Not that Jay could blame him. He could clearly tell Ewan was someone women would consider a good catch. He was objectively good looking, well put together, confident and not to mention, he was a freaking doctor. Even Jay was feeling like he should go change and put on one of his nice suits, feeling underdressed in his regular Henley and jeans.

"Any way I can. Like I was saying I won't be staying long." Ewan replied, still unfazed by Adam. "So Kim," turning his attention back to her, "how have you been? It's been a couple of months."

Kim chuckled, nervously. "Yeah," she agreed half-heartedly, sounding eager to change the topic. "Good. You?"

"Good. You know patients to see, lives to save." Jay rolled his eyes at the response, already not liking the cocky nature of the guy. He was ready to tuned the guy out as he continued to brag on.

"Where's Erin?"

Now that question certainly got Jay's attention back. His head snapping up at the mention of Erin's name.

"Um, she's out on assignment right now," he heard Kim reply, her eyes glancing over at Jay. Jay's own eyes narrowing. "She's um…..she'll be back soon."

"Great," Ewan eagerly said. "I can't wait to see her." Kim just gave another awkward smile.

"Ewan, why don't we get some coffee?" Amanda asked, seeing the need to distract Ewan and take him away from the growing tension. "Come with me." Ewan obliged, unaware of the glares both Adam and Jay were directing at Kim.

Jay's brain was processing the new information, trying to put the pieces together. Clearly Kim and Ewan knew each other before today, him greeting her as such and him mentioning having seen her before. There was only one possibility in Jay's mind: Kim had been visiting Erin in New York and she didn't think to mention it to Jay. He stepped forward, wanting to get answers from Kim but Adam beat him to it first.

"Kim, can I talk to you? Alone?" Adam asked, heading to the locker room, expecting Kim to follow him. Kim glanced over at Jay before following Adam. Jay sat back down at his desk, mind still running.

"So what are you really doing here?" Amanda's voice coming from the break room broke Jay's thoughts. Realizing he could hear the two talking in the break room, he shuffled a bit closer in his chair to get a better listen.

"Like I told everyone, I'm here to help out," Jay heard Ewan replied. "You'd think I'd get a better welcome."

"Don't bullshit me," Amanda reprimanded. "You know damn well that your help is not needed for this. Just admit it, you're just here to see Erin." Jay felt the burn of jealously starting to build up in his stomach.

Ewan chuckled. "Alright, you caught me. You're a good detective." He joked. "I did come to see Erin. It's just she left so suddenly."

"She got called into a case," Amanda corrected. "We had short notice. How'd you even get Liv to agree to let you come?"

"Oh trust me, it wasn't easy. Listen, I'm not here to cause problems or get in the way. Ok, I was just worried about Erin because I overheard Fin and Olivia talking about the case and how Erin had some history with the guy. I just wanted to come and see if she's ok for myself. I'm leaving tomorrow morning anyways."

Jay fumed. Who the hell was this guy anyway and why did he feel the need to check up on Erin himself? Her boyfriend? Jay couldn't stop his mind from going there and reaching that conclusion. A horrible feeling settled in the pit of his stomach at the thought. It wasn't as though he expected Erin to not move on and stay single for the past two years but to actually see the guy in the flesh, that was a whole another thing.

"You know she's gonna be pissed," he heard Amanda say and Jay had to agree. Erin hated it when people hover over her, a trait they both shared.

"Yeah, I know." Ewan replied, "But I can handle her." Now Jay just wanted to punch the guy.

"Your funeral," That was Jay's thoughts exactly. Maybe he can put the empty casket of Yates to good use and bury this new guy in it.

* * *

Deciding he needed answers and there was only person who can give it to them right now, Jay made his way to the locker room. He figured Kim and Ruzek had enough time to work out whatever they needed to by now and he didn't want to wait any longer. He heard mumblings and harsh whispers coming from inside but knocked and made his way in anyways.

"Great," Kim said, "Let me guess, you're here to interrogate me too?"

"Depends," Jay shot back, "You have something to tell me? Like the fact that you've obviously been visiting Erin and not tell me."

"Erin is one of my closest friends," Kim defended herself. "I'm allowed to see her and I don't have to report to you about it."

Jay pursed his lips. "Thought I was your friend too Burgess."

"You are! Me visiting Erin doesn't change that."

"You don't think I should've known?" A realization clicked in Jay's mind. "Is that where you were whenever you were taking days off? Not with your sister and Zoe like you said?"

Kim sighed. "Sometimes," she admitted. "Not all the time. I visited Erin a couple of times."

Jay shook his head, "Why didn't you tell me? If I had known that she was open to seeing people, maybe I would've…"

"What? Gone to visit her too?" Kim asked, softly. Jay didn't reply as he felt the question was rhetorical. Jay had thought all this time that Erin wanted to close the book on the Chicago chapter of her life and wanted to keep everyone from her past out. Voight had told him that even he barely talked to Erin and Jay had believed him, perhaps taking a bit of comfort in the fact that it wasn't just him that Erin has cut out. That he wasn't the only one she thought unworthy of keeping in her life. But now he found out that not only Kim had been talking to Erin all this time but had actually visited her several times.

"Jay," Kim tried to get his attention. "I'm sorry. I wanted to tell you but we thought that it would be better to keep it to ourselves. She didn't want my friendship with her to affect our friendship or put me in the middle."

Jay sat down on the bench, still quiet. Kim sat down next to him, placing her hands on his arm in comfort and in apology. "She didn't want to make things awkward between us. Erin and I, we got close and she was always there for me after my broken engagement and when I first got into Intelligence. At first, I thought that I should just reach out and see how she was settling in New York. And we just kept in contact." Kim explained. "Then I mentioned something about needing a break and she suggested New York city and offered her place."

"Did she ever ask about me?" Jay needed to know. To find out if he was ever on Erin's mind, as she was constantly on his. "Did you ever tell her about me?" A look of guilt flashed across Kim's face. "Great! So you two were gossiping about me behind my back? Did you tell her how pathetic I was being? Pining over her like a lovesick fool?"

"Jay, I would never say that about you." Kim replied immediately. "Besides, she didn't ask about you much." Jay didn't know how to feel about the answer, hearing that Erin wasn't trying to pry information about him. "But it doesn't mean she didn't care about you."

Jay kept quiet so Kim felt safe to continue on.

"I could tell she was dying every time we talked to hear about you, get updates. It was even more obvious whenever I saw her in person. She was practically bursting at the seams with wanting to talk about you but I guess she wanted to respect your privacy. So sometimes I would drop hints about you or just try to mention you casually and I could just see her soaking all the information in. I'm sure it's easier to think she doesn't care about you but I swear to you, she does."

Jay mulled Kim's confession over. She was correct in that it was easier for him to think Erin no longer cared about him, it was easier to deal with anger than hurt.

"She didn't exactly have it easy you know," Kim continued on. "I mean, she had to pack up and leave suddenly. Besides Olivia, she didn't have anyone she trusted or even knew in New York. When I first called her, I could tell that she was lonely even though she was trying to hide it. And I don't know…I just needed to be there for her. She was there for me when I needed her, without even having to ask."

Jay understood. Even though he hated the constant worrying and hovering, he had a support system around him, ready to pick him up if he'd asked. Will was a solid rock for him, Adam and Kevin were always ready to take him out and keep his minds off of things if needed, and Antonio was always ready with solid advice and a shoulder to cry on. He had all that but Erin didn't. She had no one in a cold new city.

"I'm glad you were there for her, Kim." Jay stated. "Really. I'm glad that she had someone looking out for her and watching her back."

"And I'm sorry that I didn't tell you about keeping in contact with her," Kim offered. "And by the way, her and Ewan, they're just friends."

"Um….I wasn't….I didn't…" Jay stuttered and Kim let out a knowing laugh.

"Oh please," Kim rolled her eyes. "I knew you were dying to ask the minute he mentioned Erin." Jay smiled, timidly. He felt a wave of relief at Kim's revelation. "So you don't have to worry about Ewan. You too Adam," she said, chiding Adam and his unnecessary jealously. "Ewan is just a friend," Kim glared at Adam. "For both of us." She reiterated.

"Got it," Adam responded, thoroughly having put in place by Kim. "Just friends."

By the time the three of them made their way back to the bullpen, Erin had already returned and was talking to Ewan who, if you asked Jay, was standing too close to her. Maybe Jay had taken more satisfaction than he might like in the fact that Erin didn't exactly seem thrilled to see the doctor either, just giving him small nods in reply at his endless blabbering, chancing glances over Jay every so often. '_Just friends' _Kim's words earlier played back in his mind. He believed Kim, not just because it made the bitter pill of jealously easier to swallow but because he trusted Kim.

* * *

"I got to say, I'm disappointed here," Erin looked up from studying the menu, internal debate of whether ordering two entrees would be uncouth interrupted. "You went on and on about how Chicago is such a great city and so far, I'm not seeing it."

"Well that's because so far, you've only seen a police station and this restaurant," Erin retorted.

"Don't forget the airport," Ewan responded, "Now you'd think LaGuardia is bad but it got nothing on Midway."

Erin huffed. "You're crazy if you think anything can be worse than LaGuardia. Besides you showed up unannounced and what? You were expecting a grand tour of Chicago?" Erin couldn't stop the annoyance from slipping into her voice. Ewan was a good friend; he was kind, sweet and caring once you get past his exterior. She knew he wanted to be more than friends with her but she always turned him down, she wasn't interested or ready for a relationship with anyone. Not even with charming, successful and handsome doctors.

So when she saw him unexpectedly in the bullpen, she was surprised then annoyed when it became obvious that he came for Erin. 'To make sure you're ok,' was his response. That was the last thing she needed, one more person hovering over her. She felt like that's all she had been dealing with all day. Everyone treating her with kids gloves, thinking she'd fall apart or relapsed if they don't. She didn't need one more pair of eyes on her, no matter how good their intentions are. She just wanted to be left alone.

"Maybe not a grand tour," Ewan replied. "But maybe more than the inside of the district?" he teased, trying to lighten the mood. He sighed when he didn't get a response from Erin. "Ok, listen I know I probably shouldn't have came here without notice. I just wanted to make sure you were ok."

Erin sighed, knowing she was being rude to someone who just cared about her. "I'm sorry Ewan. I'm just not a big fan of surprises. It is good to see you."

"I guess me showing up does categorize as a surprise. I'm sorry too Erin. But don't worry, I'm leaving tomorrow. So that grand tour will just have to wait."

Erin chuckled. "Maybe another time."

"Deal," Ewan winked. "How about for tonight, you just give me a tour of that bar you're always talking about. What's it called? Molly's?"

* * *

Jay spotted Will and made his way over to his brother, sidestepping other customers of Molly's. Will had been blowing up his phone since yesterday and Jay finally agreed to meet him for drinks.

"Hey man," Will greeted, sliding over the beer he already ordered for Jay across the table. "Got you a drink."

Jay nodded his head in thanks. "What's up?"

"You know what's up. I just wanted to see how you're doing. I've been calling you all day."

"Yeah, sorry about that." Jay offered. "Just a crazy day." Will just hummed his understanding. "And I'm alright."

Will shot him a look that clearly said he didn't believe him. "Really? Even after yesterday? You shot out of the hospital like a bat out of hell after Erin saw Nat's ring and you're really gonna sit there and tell me you're fine?"

Jay shook his head, recalling how he felt when he watched Erin fawned over Natalie's engagement ring. "It is what it is right?" Jay shrugged. "Was it hard to hear Erin liking the ring so much? Hell yeah, knowing that she would've loved it. That kills but it's Natalie's ring now so…" Jay just shrugged again. "Can we just change the subject?"

Will looked at Jay for a while longer before deciding to take pity on him and change the subject. "Fine. Crazy day huh? Did you find out anything more about this Yates thing?"

"You know I can't tell you much," Jay chided.

"I'm your brother!"

"Yeah, and it's confidential police matter," Jay shot back, sending Will a dirty look. "I can't go around telling my big mouthed little brother all the details."

"Hey," Will replied, indignant at being called big mouthed. "I just think that since I was accused of Yates' crimes, I'm entitled to know a little bit. Just tell me this, is it really him? He's really back?"

Jay rolled his eyes. Will was always so nosey. "Fine, I'll tell you a little bit but you better not go around blabbing it to anyone, even Natalie. Got it?" Will quickly agreed, eager to just get more information. "We dug up his grave today and his body wasn't inside." Jay revealed, earning a shock look from Will.

"What?" Will gasped. "Shit."

"Yeah," Jay agreed, taking a sip of his beer. "Shit."

"So how's Erin taking it?" Will inquired, earning a surprise look from Jay. "Don't look at me like that."

"Just surprised that you'd care," Jay explained, shrugging.

Will just rolled his eyes. "I care about the girl even though I'm not a big fan of her right now. So?"

Jay sighed. He wished he could give Will an answer. Hell, he wanted an answer for himself but Erin had been away from him all day and left earlier to go out to dinner with Ewan. He tempered down the annoyance at them going out for dinner alone, trying to convince himself that he had no right to be jealous. That she was free to go out to dinner with whomever she wanted and he can't do anything about it. So after ignoring Will's calls and messages all day, when Will sent over an invitation for drinks, Jay quickly accepted, needing the distraction.

"I don't know." Jay answered. "She seemed fine but you know Erin, she's not really an open person."

Will raised his eyebrows. "Yeah I do know Erin. That's why you have to be careful bro."

Jay frowned. "Me? What are you talking about?"

"I know you and I know you still care about Erin," The worry in Will's eyes didn't sit well with Jay. He didn't need to be warned off Erin. "I know you're gonna run yourself ragged, chasing after her, putting her first and leave nothing for yourself. You can't do that anymore. Don't chase after her anymore."

Jay scowled. "That's rich coming from you."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Will asked, taken aback by the anger in Jay's voice.

"How long did you chase Natalie around? Weren't you the one pestering and badgering her into giving you a chance and go out with you? And look at you guys now. So who the hell are you to tell me not to chase after someone?" Jay argued.

"Yeah, well at least Natalie didn't run off to another state to get away from me," Will shot back, anger rising. "And what the hell do you think is going to happen here? You think you and Erin are gonna solve the case, she's gonna realize that she still loves you, move back and you guys live happily ever after?" Jay just looked down in reply. He heard Will sigh and he knew Will felt bad about what he said.

"I'm sorry man," Will's tone was soft and Jay hated hearing the pity in it. "I know that was harsh but I just care about you. You're my brother and you've been through a lot and I thought you were over everything with Erin. But after the way you reacted yesterday at Erin seeing mom's ring, I knew you weren't over it as you made it seem." Will took a breath before hesitantly asking, "You still in love with her?"

Jay let out a sad chuckle. "Never really stopped."

* * *

Erin dropped Ewan off at his hotel, bidding him goodbye and wishing him a safe flight home. He had talked about possibly seeing her again before taking off tomorrow and Erin just nodded, not wanting to be rude after he made the effort to fly out and see her. She had brushed off his earlier request to go to Molly's, stating how he needed to see the charming bar for himself after Erin bragged about it. But she didn't want to take him there; one because she didn't feel like putting up a façade any longer and fake politeness around him and two because she didn't want to bring him just in case other people she knew were there. She wasn't up for playing buffer between Ewan and other people from Intelligence. So she had feigned tiredness and an early start tomorrow, which weren't lies anyway and offered to drop him back off to his hotel. Ewan agreed, easily enough, making Erin feel even more bad about how she was treating him. She'd make it up to him later, when her mind wasn't so occupied and they were back on New York soil.

So she had walked Ewan out of the restaurant, mind distracted enough that she bumped someone on her way out. She quickly tried to apologize but couldn't before the man walked away briskly, just offering Erin the back view of him and a muttering of 'no problem detective.' She frowned at how the man knew she was a cop before she saw her badge clipped to her pants and assumed the man saw the same and brushed it off.

Now she was making her way to Molly's. She didn't want to take Ewan there but she did want a drink. Maybe someone she knew would be there and she can join or if not, she never had a problem drinking by herself.

"Hey sweetheart," Hermann greeted her. "the usual?" She nodded, her heart warming at the fact that Hermann still remembered her usual order.

"Thanks Hermann." Erin gave him a big smile.

"If you're not looking to drink alone, I'm sure he can use some company," Herman said, pointing to a table behind her. Erin turned to see who Hermann was talking about and saw Jay sitting at a table alone. Before she could turn back around and make it seem like she didn't see him, his eyes landed on her and they made contact. Erin sighed, now her plan of pretending to not see him has gone out the window. It would be just rude if she didn't go over there. So she sucked in a breath, grabbed her drink and made her way over to Jay.

"This seat taken?" Jay shook his head, gesturing her to sit. "You come here often?" she teased, hoping to break the ice. It worked a bit as Jay gave a small chuckle at her cheesy pick up line.

"Best beer in town," Jay replied, holding up his drink. "Plus I used to date one of the owners so I get special treatment." He grinned.

"Well the bartender just called me a sweetheart so looks like I get special treatment here too." Erin said, winking.

Jay leaned closer as if he's divulging a secret. "Hate to break it to you but he calls everyone sweetheart." He teased. "I'm serious, I think he even called me that once."

Erin laughed. "And here I thought I was special." She tsked, shaking her head.

"Oh you are." Jay asserted. "Trust me." Erin just smiled widely in response, feeling happy at the light hearted moment she was having with Jay. She missed this. As great as their romantic connection was, their friendship was even more amazing and had been her favorite thing about them. They always used to banter and playfully flirt, she always kept him on his toes and he knew how to give it right back just as good as he got, not going easy on her just because she was a girl.

"I didn't expect to see you here tonight," Jay said, changing gears. "I thought you'd still be out with what's his face?"

"Ewan," she supplied, knowing that Jay knew Ewan's name. "I just dropped him off at his hotel. He's leaving tomorrow morning."

"Hmm, seems like quite a trip to make just for a day. He didn't even offer that much information about the fire victim." Erin had to agree with Jay. The only piece of information that Ewan supplied was that the last word of the victim he had worked on had been "doctor" and that really could've meant anything. Maybe she had been referencing Yates and his medical scrubs or just Ewan working on her, doing his best to save her life.

Erin just shrugged. "Yeah, he just wanted to help out. Do what he can, you know."

Jay's eyes narrowed. "You sure that was his only intentions?" Erin focused her gaze on Jay and the expression in his eyes was almost challenging her to acknowledge that Ewan was clearly here more for Erin than to help out with the case.

"We're just friends. Ok, yeah I guess he was here more to check on me than anything else," Erin admitted. "So I heard you talked to Kim today."

Jay nodded. "Yeah we did."

"Listen Jay, don't be mad at her ok? It was my idea and I was the one that asked her not to say anything to you about our friendship," It _had_ been her idea. She wasn't that surprised to hear from Kim when she first left Chicago. The guys had sent her messages too, wondering where she was, how she was doing and if she was planning on coming back. What did surprise Erin was the fact that she found herself replying to Kim only, desperately needing someone to talk to. Olivia had been amazing from the minute she first touched down in New York, Hank calling ahead to fill the Lieutenant in. She had been there every step of the way, helping Erin get settled in New York. But Erin didn't feel that comfortable confiding more personal details of her life with Olivia. There was this sense of decorum and professionalism she felt she had to uphold with the older woman, the immense amount of respect she had towards her truly preventing her from opening up.

So when she heard from Kim, she realized just how much she needed another female ear to talk to and she and Kim always had a good friendship, really getting closer during the last year when Kim moved up to Intelligence. That's how she found herself confiding in Kim about everything: Jay, her mother, her dislike for her new job, how much she missed home, how much she missed Intelligence, and how she wished things happened differently for her and Jay. The younger woman had been amazing, always ready to provide an ear, ready to listen to Erin's rants, and sharing details of her own life. Then during one skype conversation, Kim had mentioned off-handedly about needing a break from Chicago and seeing the burgeoning relationship between Adam and Hailey everyday so Erin invited her to New York and offered her place. Kim quickly agreed, shooting a text to Platt about taking some personal days off.

They had a blast together. It was the first time Erin had taken time to do typical touristy things in the big city. They went to see the Statue of Liberty, Ground Zero and even had time to fit in a Broadway show, Kim being a big musical fan. It was the first time since Erin had arrived in New York that she found she can actually learn to like the city,that it didn't all have to be work then home then repeat for her.

"I'm not mad at Kim," Jay replied. "Well, I was at first. But I understood where she was coming from and her not wanting to be in the middle of us."

"Good," Erin smiled.

"Kim also told made me realize how hard it must've been for you at first," Jay continued. "How lonely you must've been." Erin just shrugged, not wanting to make it a big deal of it. "That's when I realized that I was only thinking about myself."

"What?" Erin looked at him in confusion. "No, Jay."

"I was too focused on my hurt and my feelings that I didn't even think to consider yours. You were the one that had to move to a new place. You were the one that lost your friends and your family and had no one around you. And I was too busy calling you selfish when I'm the selfish one."

Erin shook her head, vehemently. She hated that Jay was thinking of himself like that. "No Jay, trust me. You are not selfish. You are the last person that should be calling himself selfish. If anyone was being selfish here, it was me ok? I was the one who left, I was the one who put my need to rescue my mother once again ahead of you. I was the one who threw any possibility of a future between us away. First by leaving and then by cutting you off. And I'm sorry."

"Erin…"

"No," Erin cut him off. "Let me just say this ok? I'm sorry. I knew you were hurting and you weren't doing well and I didn't do anything about it. If the roles were reversed, I know you'd be on the first flight trying to help me. When I heard that you got shot, I almost lost it. You know, I bought a plane ticket." She revealed.

Jay looked at her, dumbfounded. "You did?"

"A red eye to Chicago." She admitted. "I was telling you the truth when I said I cared about you, that never changed. Not for a second. I was also telling you the truth when I told you that I thought I was doing the best thing for you. I was going through some things of my own at the time and…" she trailed off before continuing. "I almost got on the flight then Hank called me, he said it was just a shallow wound and I didn't need to be there so I took that as a cue to stay put. That you had enough on your plates without me coming back," she watched as Jay digest the information she revealed. She didn't know how he would react, but she was telling the truth. Her truth. He might not believe her but she had thought she was doing him a favor by staying away.

"I needed you," Jay's small voice rang out after a while of complete silence. "All I wanted was you by my side. But I believe you Erin. I believe that you truly thought you were doing the best thing for me." A small tear escaped Erin's eyes. "Both of us were a mess and I know you were just doing what you thought was best."

Erin wiped her free falling tears away before taking a chance to reach over and hold Jay's resting hand. A small relief washed over her when he didn't pull away like last night. "I am sorry for leaving."

"You didn't have anything left." Jay responded, rubbing his thumb on her hand.

"I still had you."

"You'll always have me," Jay voiced, his grip tightening on hers and Erin's heart soared.

* * *

"You enjoying being home kiddo?" Hank asked, slicing into his steak. Erin just grunted in reply, far too busy enjoying her dinner. Hank's steaks were always the best and Erin would never turn down a chance to devour one so when Hank had ordered her to his house for dinner earlier that day, she immediately obliged. They had a slow but tiring day. Ewan had stopped by the district to say goodbye before going home. Erin felt everyone's eyes on them as she gave him a hug goodbye but ignored it as best she could. Jay knew that it was platonic between her and Ewan and that was all she cared about. The rest of them could ponder and gossip as far as she was concerned. She had truly felt bad about how she treated Ewan's visit and promised him a better tour of Chicago another time under better circumstances.

Then the rest of the day was spent pouring over the boxes of information Olivia had brought over from New York, every records and details they had on Yates and watching the security footage from the cemetery. As they were still trying to keep the case in house, they only had an APB out with vague details given to uniforms. The work might have been slow and boring but it was still draining. So Erin had been glad to end the day early, eat delicious food and spend some time with Hank.

"Mmm, you still know your way around a grill," she complimented Hank who seemed pleased. It was always his pride and joy, his ability to cook a perfect steak. He had tried teaching her a couple of times, but Erin had been too impatient to care about the perfect temperature of the grill or the exact minute needed to cook a nice juicy porterhouse to its perfect medium rare state.

"What's going on between you and Halstead?" Hank asked, cutting to the chase. She put her fork down and just give Hank a dead stare.

"Did we travel back in time to 5 years ago?" she quipped, mind flashing back to the time when she and Jay were first partnered up and Hank was constantly questioning on the status of their relationship.

"Don't avoid my question Erin. What's going on with you two?" Erin should've known Hank's inquiring and scrutinizing eyes would notice the change in her and Jay's interaction today. After their talk last night at Molly's and a bit of the air being cleared between them, there was this release of tension between her and Jay. Where she had done her best to keep her distance a couple of days before, today she found herself constantly around Jay. They were sharing files and scanning through security footage, heads bent together and Hank obviously noticed.

"Nothing's going on," Erin answered. "We're just focused on the case."

Hank grunted, clearly not believing Erin's answer. "Just be careful." Hank warned. "It might be easy to get caught up and fall back into things but remember, you're only here temporarily. Just think of how Halstead is gonna take it when you take off again."

"Let's not get ahead of ourselves Hank," Erin said, annoyed. Hank was the last person she wanted to talk to about her relationship with Jay. He had barely tolerated their relationship when they were together and was always more critical of Jay than she'd liked.

"Just saying Erin," Hank remarked, "Just be careful." He advised while taking his ringing cell phone out of his pocket, frowning after seeing the message that came through.

"What's wrong?" Erin asked, seeing the expression on Hank's face. "Did something new pop up about the case?"

Hank shook his head, "No, just more bitching from the Ivory tower about completing the paperwork from one of our old cases and needing them right away before the trial starts." Hank sighed, "I got to call the team back in so they can get on it right away."

"Do you need me to come?" Erin asked as Hank got up from the table. Hank shook his head.

"You're no longer part of Intelligence and count your blessing tonight kiddo." Hank gave her a peck on her forehead. "Enjoy your night. Finish your dinner, relax, get some rest. Just lock up when you leave." Erin nodded. "Oh by the way, I took out some photo albums in the living room for you. I know you mentioned wanting some pictures for your place in New York so just look through them. Take what you want."

"Thanks Hank," Erin waved Hank goodbye as he headed back to the district, the rest of Intelligence being called back in.

Erin took her time, savoring the rest of her dinner before washing up and clearing the kitchen. Then she headed to the living room and settled on the floor, photo albums surrounding her. She had said something to Hank during one of their phone calls about wanting some photos to make her place in New York feel more like home. She didn't get a chance to take that many photos, just settling for what she had at her place, before leaving town. Plus she wanted more updated pictures of Danny. He was growing so fast.

She lost time going down the memory lane of her younger years in the Voight's household. Pictures of when she first arrived at Hank's house, piercing and a scowl permanent fixtures in the earlier photos to a more lighter and softer Erin, changed by a mother's love. She selected a few of old Christmas family photos, a couple of her and Camille from her Academy graduation where they were both beaming, her with happiness and Camille with pride, and a few of Danny, his chubby cheeks and toothless grin guaranteed to melt anyone's heart, even Voight's. She was too absorbed in the photos that she was startled when she heard knocking on the front door.

She frowned, not expecting anyone nor could she think of anyone that would paid Voight a visit. She got up, shaking off her sleeping legs, and headed to answer the knock. She opened the door and found no one there. Her frown deepened as she stepped out to the front steps and scanned around, not seeing anyone. She thought it was strange but chalked it up to perhaps a stranger getting the wrong house or a kid selling something, losing patience when she took too long to answer the door.

She looked at the clock, it was still early in the night but she was beat. She put away the albums neatly, gathered the ones she selected to put them in her purse. One last glance around the living room to make sure everything was spick and span as Hank liked so she wouldn't be getting a lecture later, she put on her coat and gloves, locked the front doors carefully and headed down the path to her parked car across the street.

She walked carefully down the icy path, not wanting to slip and break something—she didn't need more damage done to her back—and looked inside her purse to dig out the car keys. She neared her car and was about to open the door when she immediately halted, petrified at what she saw on her front window.

A piece of paper was stuck underneath the windshield, preventing it from blowing over in the window. Trembling, she grabbed the note with her shaking hands and opened to read the content. Her heart stopping at the words written inside.

_It's been a while Erin.  
Can't wait to see you soon face to face._


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Paper work was the last thing Jay wanted to do with his night. He had been having a great day. The talk he had with Erin the previous night had somewhat of a cathartic effect on their relationship. They both apologized, opened up and most importantly, really started listening to each other and started to get past some of the hurt and misunderstandings between them both. It didn't fix everything—it wasn't that easy—but for the first time in a long while, Jay was feeling lighter. That feeling continued onto today where he and Erin started to fall back into the groove of working closely together.

Working with Erin had always been one of his favorite aspects of being in Intelligence. She was smart—both book and street—instinctive and intuitive, always one step ahead of the curve. He loved how they both seemed to be on the same wavelength when it came to working cases, brainstorming sessions were always rapid fire and both always impressing each other with how their brains operated. Today instead of Erin avoiding him—or rather both avoiding each other—she had made the first step and asked him for his opinion on a file the prison had on Yates. He had gladly offered—maybe stepping closer and encroaching Erin's space more than necessary—and from there, they both continued to rake through the files and security footages seamlessly. She had been close all day, close enough where he smelt her favorite perfume—his too—and had to force himself to focus more on the footage and less on the butterflies that started fluttering in his stomach.

He had been hoping that it might continue into the night but Voight had dismissed them early, with orders to get some rest for their straining eyes. Jay was braving himself to ask Erin out for dinner or drinks to talk and make more progress in moving forward but his plan was ruined after hearing Erin's dinner plans with Voight. So he had stalked home, disappointed, ready to just veg out in front of his flat screen and watch the Bears game with a six pack when he got the message about Voight needing them to come back in to finish the paperwork they had cast aside when the Yates case popped up.

So here he was, spending his night, head bent over just staring blankly at the empty forms in front of him. He was having trouble focusing, his mind fleeing to Erin. God, he was pathetic and really needed to stop being this lovesick. But he couldn't help himself. He had no idea what's ahead for them after last night. He knew what he wanted. He wanted them to move ahead, put their scars and demons to rest, and look forward to the future—one they could possibly have together. But he felt that he was rushing things and the last thing he wanted to do was scare Erin and make her run…..again.

_'Baby steps.'_ He reminded himself. Baby step was always the best approach when it came to Erin. After all, it had taken them a couple of years for them to move past platonic partnership to becoming partners in every way important. If he learnt anything from that experience, it's that Erin—_they —_were worth the wait. He let out a small huff of annoyance. He was thinking too far ahead again and he could also feel the glare of Voight's eyes all the way from his office, probably ready to chew Jay out for just staring at his papers and not getting anything done. Not wanting to risk the embarrassment in front of his friends, he buckled down and focused on getting the paper work completed.

Somehow he had managed to focus on the papers in front of him and lost track of time, filling out information and details about their last bust, careful so they can get a conviction. All he needed was to answer the last question, submit it and he'd be able to call it a night and catch kick-off of the game when he heard rapid footsteps coming up the stairs, Erin's ashen face making its appearance, with Platt in tow.

"Voight!" The utter panic in her voice jolted Jay out of his seat and he reached her in three quick strides, grabbing her in his hold and scanning his eyes up and down on her body, searching for the source of her fear, ready to fight off whatever it was.

"Erin!" he held her steady, attempting to calm her down. "Easy, easy! Breathe!" he took a few deep breaths, wanting her to follow his lead so he can soothe the look of fright on her face. He pushed his own anxiety down, alarmed at what had Erin running up here like that.

Voight marched out of his office. "What the hell? What's going on Erin?"

Erin was still taking deep breaths, trying her best to composed herself so Jay shifted her a bit so he was in front of her, shielding her from the rest of the group and giving her a bit of privacy so she can feel a bit more at ease.

"What's wrong Erin?" he asked, gently. He continued rubbing her arms up and down, knowing it always helped calmed her down in the past. Feeling a bit more in control, she finally looked up at him and his heart quickened at seeing the pure terror in her glistening eyes. "Erin?"

She stepped back a bit to reach into her coat pocket and pulled out a piece of paper in a ziploc bag. He gently grabbed the bag containing the paper out of her trembling hands to read what was written inside, his blood running cold at the content of the message.

"Fuck!" he cursed loudly. Now Voight had ran out of patience and yanked the bag out of Jay's hand to read for himself, his eyes closing after reading the note. Then the note was passed around the group, so everyone knew what had them reacting the way they did.

"Where did you get this?" Jay saw Voight trying to control his anger.

"On my windshield," Erin answered, voice shaking. "I saw it when I was leaving your house. It was on my car. I came straight here after reading it."

"We need to dust it for prints," Alvin spoke up, "Good job putting it in a Ziploc." Al gently rubbed Erin's back, his best version to try to calm her down.

"On it! I'm gonna get it over to the lab ASAP!" Kevin took the note. "We got this Lindsay," he patted Erin's back before leaving the bullpen, heading to the forensic lab.

Jay gently led Erin over to his desk and offered his chair. "Here, sit down." Erin complied easily enough. "Did anything else happen? Did you see anyone when you found the note?"

Erin shook her head. "No, there was no one around." She answered before she thought of something and quickly added. "But there was someone that knocked on the door tonight."

Voight's eyes narrowed. "My door?" Clearly, Voight thought of his house as some impenetrable fortress.

Erin nodded. "I was in the living room when I heard knocking but when I went to open it, there was no one there." she sighed. "I just thought it was some kid selling something or some guy getting the wrong house. But it must have been him! It was Yates!"

Jay let out a string of curses in his head. This was his biggest fear. The twisted son of a bitch coming after Erin like he did last time, leaving her notes after notes that left them feeling helpless.

"And this was the first time something like this happened?"

Erin pondered over Voight's question before shaking her head. "No," she finally replied. "I didn't think anything of it at the time but there was this guy that I accidentally bumped into last night when I was at dinner, I turned to apologize but he was already walking away. But he called me 'detective'. He knew who I was."

"He's been following you." Adam's words seemed to make something else click in Erin's head.

"There's something else. There was this car that was following me." she put her head in her hands. "Oh god!"

"When?" Jay questioned, his anger growing at the thought of Yates stalking Erin. He'd kill the bastard if any harm came to her.

"The other night," Erin answered. "After I dropped Dodds off at the hotel and I noticed this black sedan following me so I came straight here to the district and he followed me here but he drove off after a while."

"That was the night I found you in your car, wasn't it?" He didn't need Erin to confirm as he already knew the answer. Jay's mind flashed back to a couple of nights ago when he had found Erin with her head down in her car. He knew something was wrong, that something had happened. She had tried to brush it off that night but he saw the lie. He cursed himself for not pushing the topic, for not making her tell him the truth. Instead he had accepted the clear lie and let it go. "Why didn't you say anything?"

Erin shook her head. "I was hoping it was just a coincidence and that it wasn't important. I guess I was hoping I was just being too paranoid. I didn't know it was Yates."

"Wait," Adam interrupted. "You said you dropped Dodds off at his hotel? Aren't you guys staying at the same hotel? Why did you need to drop him off?"

Jay looked to Erin for an answer. Where had she been staying? He looked over at Voight and by his reaction, Jay knew Voight's house wasn't the answer. "I've been staying with Kim."

"Why? Erin, you know with your back you can't be crashing on someone's couch for long." Voight said. "What's wrong with the hotel?"

Erin shrugged. "I wanted to give Amanda some space to herself and besides, I hate hotels and I wanted to stay with a friend."

"Serg, she's been sleeping on a futon on the floor. Not the couch." Kim added.

"Well, that's got to stop." Jay spoke up. "You can't stay with Kim anymore Erin."

"What? Why?" Kim questioned while Adam nodded in agreement with Jay.

"It's not safe Burgess. For Erin or for you," Jay knew the two women were strong and were more than capable of protecting themselves against perps and criminals they saw every day in their work. But Yates, he was a special case. He knew how to get under people's skin and attack them when they're most vulnerable, he knew how to use his unassuming nature to his advantage. Jay could think of a million scenarios where Kim's neighbors could unknowingly open the door and lead him straight to Erin. He wasn't taking the chance.

"Jay's right," Jay knew he had an ally in Adam. He was just as keen on protecting Kim and the threat of a serial killer out there wouldn't sit well with Adam. "Erin, you shouldn't stay with Kim anymore."

Kim huffed. "Come on, we can protect ourselves. Right Erin?" Kim's voice faltered at seeing Erin's hesitancy. "You agree with them?"

Erin nodded. "Yeah, I'm sorry Kim. I don't want to put you in danger and if Yates is after me, I certainly don't want to lead him to your front door. I should've left the first time."

"You're staying with me Erin and that's final," Hank ordered. "Ruzek, it wouldn't be the worse idea in the world if you stayed with Burgess for a couple of nights just in case huh?"

Jay quickly spoke out, interrupting the beginning of Kim's refusal to have Ruzek stay. "She can't stay with you." Hank jutted his lips and stared at Jay, challenging him to repeat what he said. "Erin's not staying with you!" Jay was adamant, hands on his hips.

"And why the hell not?" Hank barked and maybe another time, it might've made Jay back down but not now, not about this subject.

"Are you kidding me Voight?" Jay's voice rising, eyes blazing. "Yates was at _your_ house, he knocked on _your _door! He left the note on Erin's car when it was parked on _your _street. You really think that's a safe place for Erin?"

Voight seemed to mull over Jay's words and Jay knew that he had Voight beat. Yates obviously had no qualms about approaching Voight's house and seeing as how his house was located in a quiet residential neighborhood, Yates practically had free reign to get to Erin there when she was alone and none of the neighbors would be wiser.

"I can protect my own family, Halstead." Jay should've known Voight wouldn't let his ego go and admit Jay was right. But Jay was just as ready to fight back because if Erin's safety was on the line, he'd go into any battle for her, against anyone.

"What about when you get called in during the night? You're gonna drag Erin out of bed and take her with you? Or leave some rent a cop uniform to keep watch? Because that'll stop Yates right?"

"So what do you suggest then? She'd stay at a hotel?" Voight challenged.

"She'll stay with me," Jay answered, his back straightened, not planning on budging on the suggestion.

"This is not an opportunity for you two to play house!" Voight sneered. "This is Erin's safety on the line here!"

Jay got even more fired up. "You think I'm gonna take advantage of the situation? When it comes to her well-being?" Jay was fuming because how dare Voight assume that Jay would have anything beside Erin's well-being at heart? He knew that the Sergant was never his biggest fan but for him to actually think that Jay would take advantage of Erin during a time like this? Did Voight really think so little of him?

"Hank!" the disapproval was evident in Erin's voice. "That's low!" She added, coming to Jay's defense.

Erin's indignance at Voight's accusation towards him helped to calm Jay down a little. He wouldn't do any good if he continued to butt heads with Voight. He needed to lay out his reasons rationally.

He took a breath to further calm himself down before speaking. "I have an extra bedroom. My place is gated, has 24/7 security, no one can get in or out with a key for the front gate and a code to access the floors and all visitors or intruders are vetted by the front desk. Okay? It's the safest place for Erin. Not the hotel where anyone can get in and out and security doesn't give a damn."

He heard Voight sighed and knew he had made a good case.

"Voight, I think the kid's right," Al's soft voice worked to further convince Hank. "She'll be safe with Halstead." Hank glanced over at Platt who nodded at her head in agreement with Olinsky and Hank rubbed his nose bridge.

"You protect her with your life, got it?" Hank pointed at Jay. "Anything happens and I want to know about it right away."

"I can take care of myself you know?" Erin sounded irritated at the men in her life making decisions for her like she wasn't there.

"I'll keep her safe. Always!" Jay answered Voight, ignoring Erin for the time being. He knew she wouldn't be happy that the decisions were being made without her input but as long as she's safe and sound, she could rake him over the coals for that later if she wanted.

"Seriously guys?" Erin huffed. "I overreacted earlier okay? I just freaked myself out but now I'm okay. This is just Yates' scare tactic. He's just doing this to scare me."

"Better safe than sorry Lindsay," Antonio said. "If he's throwing out a line, don't let yourself become bait. Either of you, ok?" Antonio added, pointing at both Erin and Kim. "This sicko has already done enough damage to this family."

"Fine," Kim relented. "But you're only staying for a couple of nights ok? Until you lose your paranoia about me."

Adam raised his hands, quickly agreeing. "Got it."

Now that Kim had agreed, all eyes turned to Erin. Erin pursed her lips, forming a slight pout and rolled her eyes. "Fine!" she gave in. "I'll go and stay with Jay. But Hank," she stood up, crossing her arms. "You're not benching me like last time okay? I'm not going to stay behind the scene just so I can be safe."

"Erin," Jay gave her a look. He wasn't going to just let her become bait or run after Yates like last time.

Erin didn't back down, giving him and Voight a determined look. "That's my condition." She demanded, slightly smirking when she knew Voight would give in. Voight looked over to him and Jay knew what he was trying to say without speaking out loud. _Protect Erin. _He certainly had no problem doing that, with or without Voight's order.

* * *

Erin exited the passenger side of Jay's car—they decided to leave her car at the station—and tilted her head up to look at the skyrise building. It was one of the newer and more modern buildings, one of the many similar looking ones popping up all over town. Erin wasn't sure what she was expecting about Jay's new place. He had told her that he moved in with Will for a while before the latter moving out to live with Natalie so maybe she was expecting a typical bachelor pad similar to his old place—small and minimal—just enough space for necessities.

But walking through the lobby of the building—all sleek and modern furniture and decor littering the vast room—small and simple went out Erin's mind. "Fancy," she commented, her eyes on the fancy looking coffee shop.

Jay chuckled. "Yeah, if you don't mind paying $6 for coffee, it's real convenient,"

Erin hummed. "I'll bet." She couldn't judge, she was used to New York City pricing. She stepped into the elevator, watching as Jay typed in a code in the side panel.

"You need a code to access your floor." Jay explained, feeling Erin's questioning gaze. "So only the residents on that floor can get in. Everyone else has to go through front desk." Erin just nodded. "The code is 2218. I'll swing by the front desk later to let them know you're staying with me so you can come and go easy."

It was a quick ride up in the elevator and soon enough, they've arrived at Jay's floor. She followed Jay to his unit and waited as he fished his keys and opened the door. He stepped in, widening the door to let her enter.

"Did you win the lottery or something?" she joked as she took in the place. Floor to ceiling covered one side of the wall—letting in the view of Chicago skyline—stainless steel appliances in the kitchen, a big comfortable looking couch took up a lot of the space in the living room, and a huge flat screen hung on the wall. All in all, it was a big place and would otherwise look cold and barren if it wasn't for the warm and dim lightings that was installed all over the ceiling, casting the room in a warm glow and making it more homey.

"I knew a guy," Jay chuckling out loud at the look of disbelief Erin sent. "What? I'm serious." He laughed, making his shoulders shake. "He was one of my army buddies who ended up managing some properties, including this one. He knew I was in a bind and needed a place fast. Plus the building association was eager to give us a good deal after finding out that I was a cop and that Will was a doctor. Most of the residents here are older so I guess they felt safer with us living here."

Erin smirked. "If they only knew," she chuckled at the look of Jay's offended face.

"Oh I'm sorry but did I not always have your back? And I seem to recall you needing Will's medical expertise a couple of times when you were too stubborn to go to the hospital." Jay retorted.

Erin shrugged. "I guess sometimes you Halsteads can come in handy." Jay shot her a look. "Sometimes," she added. Jay just shook his head and laughed.

"Just for that I'm not gonna tell you how to get the perfect temperature in the shower," Jay threatened. "You figure it out on your own."

Erin pouted. "You're evil." She scrunched her nose. "I thought cops were supposed to be nice and protect people."

"I'm off-duty now," Jay smirked. Erin just smiled in response. "Speaking of which, you want to take a shower?"

Erin was dying for a nice hot shower, wanting to wash away the creepiness of Yates' note and just be clean. But she didn't have any of her stuff with her, all of it still back in Kim's apartment. They hadn't wanted to take a risk and go back to Kim's apartment and just decided that the other detective would just bring Erin her stuff back to the district tomorrow so the clothes on her back was all Erin had.

"Because I'm so nice, I'll share my stuff with you," Jay said, reading Erin's mind. "I got something you can change into and sleep in." he offered and Erin quickly accepted. "You can use the bathroom in my room. It has all the soap and shampoo." He led Erin into his bedroom, giving Erin a peek at where Jay slept each night. A king side bed, a couple of nightstands and a smaller television were the only visible things in it; everything else seemed to be put away—probably neatly stacked and organized if she knew Jay—and Erin smiled to herself at how Jay's preference seemed to remain the same after all these years.

She waited as Jay opened one of his dressers to dig up some clothes for Erin. She gave him a smile of appreciation as he handed her one of his t-shirts and pajama pants. "It's probably too long for you," Jay said, pointing to his pajama pants, "but it's either that or one of my boxers. I know that you get cold easily so this is probably warmer."

Erin nodded. "This is fine. Thanks." Jay gestured to the bathroom and Erin followed.

"Just use whatever you need in there, I'll get you a new towel." He headed towards the linen closet to grab one for Erin. "You hungry? I can order something?" His voice was muffled from being inside the closet. "Here,"

"Not really," Erin grabbed the towel, adding it to the pile of clothes Jay has handed her, "I already had dinner over at Hank's."

"You sure? You're gonna turn down Giordano's?" Jay chuckled at Erin's brightening eyes at the mention of her favorite pizza place. "I'll call in for pepperoni." He knew her so well.

In the end Jay had taken mercy on her and decided to renege on his earlier threat of not helping Erin with the shower setting. As she stepped underneath the pouring water—hot enough to just how she liked it—she was more than grateful. She needed a hot shower, something that always helped relaxed her and released her tension. She savored the minutes as the water washed over her. She glanced around the shower and smiled at the familiar shower gel and shampoo that Jay had on the shelf. _Her Jay. Still the same. _

* * *

Jay listened to the running of the shower for a minute—stopping himself from imagining what's happening behind the door—before busying himself. He had already placed the pizza order, picked up a few misplaced items he had lying around, and had set out to get Erin's bed ready. He entered Will's old bedroom—now his guest room—and set out to change the sheet and comforter. He also took out an extra blanket for Erin—she was always running cold—and even placed a new pair of socks on the bed, knowing how her feet were always freezing.

He heard the shower stopped running when he re-entered his room, wanting to take out clothes for himself. He pulled out similar Henley and P.J bottoms for himself as he had given Erin earlier. He heard Erin's soft shuffles behind the door, indicating she was almost done. A few minutes later, she opened the bathroom door and stepped into his room and he felt his breath taken away.

Erin stood, dressed in his oversized clothes—she was practically buried in them—and he gulped. He took her in, loving the way she looked with his clothes on, thinking to himself that she was absolutely beautiful and she looked so damn adorable, his Henley sleeve rolled up and his pants leg running past her feet.

"They're a little big," Erin broke his thoughts, pulling the sleeves down.

"Um..you….you look great!" he tried to steady his voice, stopping his mind from running to places it shouldn't be going to; images of him pulling those clothes off of her or memories of her waking up next to him, wearing his shirt and nothing else. He shook his head, chiding himself for thinking those thoughts. He had told Voight that her staying here was for her safety and he wasn't going to take advantage of that, not when she was vulnerable. He needed a shower. Cold one, preferably.

"Pizza's here," he pointed to the living room. "You should grab a slice while it's still hot. There's also a six pack in the fridge. Help yourself. I have Netflix and Hulu." Erin nodded, not making the move to leave the room. "Do you mind if I take a quick shower?" He needed some space—to get some distance and get himself under control after seeing her all wet and overwhelmed in his clothes. Erin stepped aside and gestured for him to go in.

"Yeah sure. Go ahead. I'll just be in the living room." Erin headed out of his room, nodding one last time at Jay's insistence of making herself at home.

* * *

Jay had taken the quickest shower of his life, just scrubbing what he needed to so he can wash away the grime and sweat of the day. He wanted to get back out there ASAP, not wanting to leave Erin alone. He knew she'd feel uncomfortable being left alone in his new place and that she would ignore his instructions to help herself and make herself feel at home. He dried himself off, quickly dressed into the clothes he set out and made his way out the living room, expecting Erin to be sitting on the couch but frowned when she wasn't where he expected.

He looked around his place and finally spotted her by the large windows, looking at the lights of the Chicago skyline, arms wrapped around herself. He approached her carefully and she slowly turned her head, noticing his presence.

"It's beautiful," she whispered, her raspy voice tugging at Jay's heart. "A million dollar view."

Jay gazed at her—her towel dried hair, the twinkles in her hazel eyes and the captivating dimples of her smile—and he had to agree. _She_ was a million dollar view. "Yeah it is." He replied softly, referring to her. "Beautiful."

* * *

They had finally settled on the couch a while later, the enticing smell of the pizza beckoning them. He handed her a plate and he watched as she bit into the slice, groaning happily. "I missed this so much!" she exclaimed. "Nothing beats a Chicago pie."

"Glad to see New York hasn't converted you to their inferior version," he stated, biting into his own and letting out a similar reaction to hers. "The best!" he declared, taking another bite.

She let out a laugh. "Anything on T.V tonight?" She grabbed the remote and turned the television on, scanning through the channels.

"Yeah. I was actually planning on watching the Bears game. I think it's just the end of first quarter now," Erin nodded at his suggestion, changing the channel until it reached the one broadcasting the football game. "So you still a Bears fan or did you get caught up in Daniel Jones hype?"

Erin scrunched her nose at that. "Never!" she protested, sending Jay a dirty look. "Although Trubisky does make me want to pull my hair out most of the times." Jay had to agree with that especially when the quarterback threw another incomplete pass to a wide open receiver. He groaned. "See, that is what I'm talking about!" Erin pointed to the screen. "Patterson was wide open and Trubisky missed him!"

Jay laughed at Erin's annoyance. If he closed his eyes, he could almost pretend that they were back in their old condo, spending the night in their favorite way—watching whichever game that was on that night with their favorite pizza and brew. Erin had never been a fan of going out and saw little point in date nights, no matter how much Jay insisted that she deserved nice things and nice nights out. They went out occasionally—though he suspected that she did it more for his benefits than her own—but most nights were spent on the couch, cuddling and just holding each other close, just unwinding from their day. That was all they needed.

But now Erin sat on one side of the couch, he on the other, and nothing but space in between them. Still, he was glad for the easy atmosphere they had managed. She looked relaxed enough, feet tucked in under her—he knew those socks would come in handy later—enthralled by the crucial 3rd & 1 in the game. She cheered as the Bears managed to convert the down and score and Jay smiled widely at her antics. He loved seeing her like this.

He had been worried that she might've been more scared and anxious after finding Yates' note to her. Aside from the initial panicked state she came to the precinct with, she seemed pretty unfazed now. He was probably more scared than she was but then again, nothing scared him more than the thought of harm coming to Erin.

"You're gonna keep staring at me or watch the game?" Erin snapped him out of his thoughts, her eyebrow raised. He felt his face get hot and just gave her one of his grins.

"You _are_ better to look at than the Bear offense," he wiggled his brows, eyes crinkling at the blush that formed on her face.

"Well, that's not really saying much then is it?" Erin retorted. "Look at them getting their ass kicked!" Jay wouldn't know. He had been more busy looking at Erin than paying any attention to the game.

After they finished off the pizza and the six pack and after Erin had declared the blowout game pointless, Jay had muted the volume and turned his body towards Erin, sitting closer than before. Erin glanced over at the movement, question in her eyes.

"Tell me something about New York," Jay questioned. He knew practically nothing about her new life. She had given him small details and sporadic details in the past before she had stopped all communication and he was curious. How was she liking the city? Did she find it as beautiful and amazing as Chicago? How is SVU treating her? What really happened to her job with the FBI?

Erin gave a small shrug. "What do you want to know?"

"Anything." Jay would take any information she was offering. "How's SVU?" He decided to give her an easy question, ease her into opening up.

"It's great," Erin answered. "Olivia has been amazing. She's the total opposite from Hank but she's so strong and just as determined to make her city safer just like Hank. I guess that's the kind of person I want to work for." she continued. "Not some ladder climbing boss that cares more about arrest count than the actual people." Jay nodded, agreeing with her. Being Erin's partner for nearly four years, he knew firsthand how much she cared about the victims and how determined she was to bring justice to them. He had told her once that she had too much empathy, leaving nothing for herself, but honestly, it wouldn't be Erin if she wasn't doing everything she can to help the victims.

"And New York? How do you like it now?" The last thing he remembered about her opinion about the city was that not that positive. But it had been when she had first moved there, maybe now she'd find it more likeable after adjusting.

Erin pursed her lips. "Hmm, it has better winters than Chicago," She looked at the falling snow outside the window. "That might be my favorite part about it."

Jay might have taken more satisfaction in her answer than he might've liked. While he was glad that she still seem too fond of New York, he wanted her to be happy and at home since she had to live there. He wanted to continue the conversation, dive deeper into more sensitive topics. "Have you talked to Bunny?" He wondered if her deadbeat mom even knew that Erin was back in town. He'd hoped not. If Bunny even got the hint of Erin's presence back in Chicago, he knew that she'd be ready to pounce and create chaos in her life like she always did.

Erin shook her head. "I haven't spoken to her since I left," The answer pleasantly surprised Jay. Erin always had an infinite amount of forgiveness towards Bunny, a fact that frustrated him because the older woman didn't deserve an ounce of it.

"Good," he stated, "That's good." Erin knew his true opinion of her mother and her presence in Erin's life. He certainly hadn't made it a secret just what he thought of the woman. "Can I ask why?"

"You mean why I didn't give in to her this time?" Erin was quiet for a minute, deep in thoughts. "I guess I just looked around my place in New York and how miserable I was being there. How I had given up everything important in my life to save her. And the sad thing was that I literally had nothing left of myself to give and I knew it still wasn't enough." She revealed, her voice sad. "I knew one way or another, there's always gonna be another crisis with her. Another hole I was gonna have to dig her out of and finally, I realized enough was enough."

"I'm glad," He really was of the way she'd been able to hold strong and walk away from Bunny. "You should've been enough. You _are _ more than enough. If she never realized that then it's her loss."

Erin gave him a small smile. "You know all my life, I thought I had to be a good daughter. I hated admitting it to myself, how much I looked for her approval so I guess I'd feel I was worth something. Because you'd think a mother would love her own daughter right? Like that's supposed to be a given and the only thing I could've thought of was that maybe the problem was me all along."

He hated Bunny Fletcher for ever making Erin feel that way about herself. How could Erin think she wasn't worth something, she was everything and Bunny was just too drunk, too high and too messed up to see.

Erin continued on. "Then I saw how Olivia cared about me, how Camille loved me like her own daughter and I don't know," she shrugged. "I guess one day it just clicked that the problem wasn't me. If two amazing and strong women can love me and give a damn about me, then I am worth something. That it's Bunny who isn't worth my time. And after that , I was able to let some of my past go. Not be so weighed down by my childhood you know?"

"I'm so proud of you," Jay asserted, his eyes shining with pride at the strength she had displayed against the toxicity Bunny brought in Erin's life. If Erin was able to get some perspective about her mother and move on from her past because she got some distance in New York, then he was happy for her and he was grateful for New York.

"None of what happened to you in your childhood was your fault," he stressed. "And look at you now. You're so strong and compassionate Erin. You could've let your past define you, made you turn out like Bunny but you rose above that and you are incredible. I mean that." Jay watched as Erin's eyes glistened with tears, ready to wipe them away if they fall. But she held them back, smiling widely instead—showing those dimples. He offered her a toast in return. "To letting your past go,"

"And looking forward to the future instead," Erin clinked her beer to his, taking a sip. He beamed, his mind already thinking of the future he wanted, the future they could have together. And this time he didn't even scold himself for being hopeful. Hope is a good thing, he decided.

* * *

Jay lolled his head, fidgeting slightly before opening his eyes. His body clock waking him up. He squinted at the glow of the television before looking down at the position he was in and the weight he was feeling on his arm. He had his feet laid on the coffee table and he had his right side propped up on the armrest of the couch but what had him smiling like a fool in the twilight of the morning was the sight of Erin lying across the couch, knee close to her stomach and her upper body tucked into his side. It was a familiar feeling—one that he had gone without for too long—and he had missed it.

After their conversation last night, they had redirected their focus back on the game. After the dismal end result of the game that had them finishing off another beer, they had decided on watching a movie that Jay had wanted to watch but hasn't seen on Netflix. So they settled in, Jay handing Erin a blanket that was hanging on the back on the couch to keep warm as he started the movie.

It had been a good movie—or at least the beginning of it, the only part Jay can recall—but when Erin had scooted closer to him in an attempt to share the blanket with him, all he could focus on was her and the closeness she was granting him. As the movie played on, he saw the long day they had take its effect on Erin as she yawned and leaned back to close her eyes. Then shortly after she had dozed off and her head had started sliding off the back of the couch until it had landed on his shoulder, Jay relishing in the weight. Her legs were stretched out to the side, remained uncovered by the blanket and he knew she would get cold soon enough and didn't want it to disturb her sleep. After seeing that she had dozed off completely—her soft breaths indicating as much—he carefully maneuvered the blanket. He made sure that it was covering her fully so she'd be warm—he didn't need the blanket, her presence was all the warmth he needed—and shifted carefully so he was more comfortable on his side and that allowed her to attached herself deeper to him. And that had been enough to lull him to a peaceful sleep.

Now it was six in the morning—although the Chicago winter had outside still cloaked in darkness—and they had to get to work soon. If he had his choice, he could've laid there like that all day but they did have a pressing case on their hands. He gently shook Erin awake, smiling when she grumbled in her sleep, burrowing herself deeper into his embrace. She was obviously still not a morning person.

"Erin," he tried again, "We have to go to work soon." She slowly opened her eyes—he missed seeing her eyes first thing in the morning—and slowly sat up, rubbing her eyes to get more awake. He immediately felt the loss of warmth and the scent that was all Erin despite her using his body wash.

"What time is it?" she mumbled, voice still laced with sleep. He informed her of the time and laughed softly when she made a face at the lack of time to sleep more. He offered her the bathroom first and set out to make some breakfast for them.

She was more alert by the time she got out of the bathroom, redressed in yesterday's clothes. She would have to wait until they get to the district to get her stuff from Kim and change. Although Jay would gladly offer her his clothes—he wouldn't mind at all actually—he knew she'd probably rather go in naked than have people see her wearing his clothes and start talking behind her back. After receiving a look of appreciation after he had directed her to a freshly made pot of coffee, he had set out to his bathroom to complete his morning routine.

When he came out, ready for the day, she had offered him a bagel she had toasted for him. The two moved about comfortably in the kitchen; him taking out cream cheese for the bagel out of the fridge, her pouring him a cup of coffee and passing him the cream and sugar—just like when they lived together and had developed a routine for the morning. A routine he had missed, a routine he could get used to again.

* * *

Erin followed Jay up the steps of the 21st district, giving Platt a quick wave before Jay entered in the code to buzz them up to Intelligence. It had been a good morning, Erin thought, as she stared at the back of Jay, dressed in his usual leather jacket. Jay had bought her a cup of the $6 coffee that was in his building lobby and she had to admit that it _was_ convenient as she sipped her second cup of the day. Not to mention, she had a pretty good sleep even though they had drifted off on the couch instead of a bed. Jay's preference for function over form making for a comfortable couch to fall asleep on but she knew that she could've been sleeping on the cold hard floor and it would've been comfortable because she had fallen asleep in Jay's arms.

Kim had waved her over as soon as she saw her, holding up her suitcase she left over at Kim's. She gratefully accepted the item, heading to the locker room to change into fresh clothes for the day. She took off her old clothes and quickly put on new pair of jeans and a clean shirt, buttoning it up when she heard Kim come in the locker room.

"So how was your night last night?" Erin should've known Kim would be clamoring for an update. But Erin was ready to share just yet, wanting to keep her progress with Jay to herself for a bit longer. It was amazing but still fragile so she just wanted to protect it from the outside world.

"Fine. How was yours with Adam?" she immediately tried to shift the spotlight onto Kim and narrowed her eyes at the look of guilt flashed across Kim's face. "What?"

Kim bit her lips before blurting out, "we slept together!" Erin's eyes widened at the confession, more so at Kim's sudden outburst than the implications of the words instead. "I know, I know. it was stupid of me."

"What? No," Erin tried to comfort Kim who sat down on the bench, shoulders drooping. "Do you think it was a mistake or something? I thought you and Adam were already….you know." Unless she had the wrong information, she had thought that Kim and Adam were in a friends with benefits situation, although it was obvious that Adam wasn't exactly thrilled about the "friends" part.

"No we are," Kim confirmed.

"Then what's wrong?"

Kim closed her eyes."I'm just so confused about Adam," she confessed. "He had just been so sweet last night, worried and fussing over me. One thing led to another and we slept together. Then this morning, he had assumed that last night meant we were moving toward getting back together for real and got mad when I told him 'no'."

Erin felt bad for Adam, it had been obvious that he had wanted more and was doing his best to convince Kim to give him another chance but her friend was just too gun shy and scared to give it a go.

"Don't you want to?" Erin asked, getting her answer when Kim nodded. "But you're scared?" Erin held Kim's hands. "It's okay. I get it. But you know you want to be with Adam, he knows he wants to be with you. maybe this time things will work out for you two. But you won't know unless you take a risk and give him another chance."

"But what if we don't work out again? What happens then?" Kim questioned, her biggest fear showing.

Erin shrugged. "Then you move past it and become friends. You guys did that once, you can do it again." Kim seemed to mull Erin's answer over and Erin knew her friend needed time to come to a decision on her own so all she could do was to pull her into a hug in the meantime.

"I hate to interrupt the moment," Kevin said as he stood by the door, "Trust me, last thing I want to do is stop you two from being all up each other,"

"What do you want Atwater?" Kim asked her old partner, giving him a glare at his words.

Kevin's face immediately turned serious. He licked his lips before replying, "We got another victim."


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

"Hey man, how is she?" By the look on Will's face, Jay already could guess the answer won't be good. But at least, the first responders had managed to rescue the latest victim and got her to Chicago Med still alive, breathing but barely.

"Not so good," Will grimaced, looking down at his chart. "They barely got her stable before taking her into surgery. She had third degree burn all over her but her legs were the most impacted. They're gonna do their best but honestly if you ask me, those burns might've done too much damage to her leg tissues and muscles."

"So what are you saying? She won't be able use her legs anymore? She won't be able to walk?" Jay heard Erin sucked in a breath at Will's expression, the answer written in it.

"We're gonna do our best but that's a possibility at this point," Will shared the bad news. "Listen, she's one of our own, she's been here for 8 years. We're gonna take care of her." The latest victim had been another nurse at Chicago Med and she fitted Yates' victim type to a tee. Her neighbor had called 911 after seeing smokes come out of her house and it was the quick action of the neighbor that had allowed the firefighters to get there on time and potentially saved her life.

"Does she have any family? I can notify them," Will shook his head at Erin's question and Jay closed his eyes. Poor girl. "None?" He heard Erin's voice cracked and he shared Erin's sympathy toward the nurse. She had been through a traumatic event and was about to get the news that she might never walk again and she had no family to support her. "When does she get out of surgery?"

"Maybe in another 2 hours? But they probably won't have her ready in a room until probably about four hours. She's gonna be placed in the burn unit and have doctors and nurses checking on her constantly to make sure she makes it through the night."

They took in Will's explanation, knowing there's nothing they can do for the victim but hope that she makes it. Jay took out his phone to answer the incoming call from Olinsky. "Yeah, okay. Got it." He hung up and turned to the small group he came to Med with. "That was O. They're sweeping the crime scene right now and found green nail polish bottle," he shared, eyes on Erin. "Voight wants us back there ASAP."

"I'm staying," Erin stated. "You guys go back but I'm gonna stay here with the victim." Jay took a step towards Erin, not exactly surprised at Erin's wish to stay.

"You heard Will. She won't be out of surgery for hours and even then she won't be able to have visitors," Jay said, softly. "We can do more for her at the crime scene and catch Yates,"

Erin shook her head. "We all know that there will be nothing at the crime scene." She argued. "This is Yates and he has done this so many times by now that he knows not to leave anything behind. At least anything he doesn't want us to find," Jay had to agree with her there. He wasn't expecting to find anything useful at the crime scene but still, they had to follow protocol.

By the fierce look in Erin's eyes, he knew it was a battle he wasn't winning. She was stubborn, especially when it came to helping out victims. "Okay," he relented. Jay wanted to stay with her, keep her company so she wasn't sitting in the uncomfortable hospital chair for hours all by herself. "Let me call Voight and I can sta…"

"I can stay with her," Dodds interrupted, "I'm her partner. I'll stay with her." Dodds placed his hand on Erin's shoulder. Jay frowned at the contact and the offer.

"We need to go Jay," Hailey spoke up. Maybe she had felt the growing tension. "Voight's gonna have our heads if we don't get going. Dodds and Lindsay can stay here and we should go," Jay reluctantly nodded. Erin and Dodds might not have to follow Voight's orders but he and Hailey certainly did. Erin gave him a small smile, trying to tell him to go.

"Call me. If there's any updates or…" _or if she needed him_ is what he wanted to add but he knew she'd hate for Dodds and Hailey to overhear that. So he just sucked it up, gave her one last look and a smile before walking out with Hailey.

"She's gonna be fine, you know?" They got in the Sierra and made their way to the crime scene. "You don't have to worry so much about her,"

He ignored Hailey's words. He knew Erin could take care of herself. He knew just how strong and tough she was but he also couldn't stop himself from worrying whenever she got too invested with a case or a victim. He knew that the fact that the victim had no family around would tug at Erin's heart and he didn't want her to get too caught up.

When they arrived at the crime scene, Voight didn't look surprised at the fact that Erin had stayed behind. He was probably already expecting it, knowing Erin. But what caught Jay's attention more was the grim expressions on Olinsky and Antonio's faces. "What's going on?" he asked.

Antonio just shook his head. "Nothing good."

"There's another note," Olinsky held up the note with his gloved hand. Jay stepped closer to read the writing, fear filling his stomach.

_Don't think you can get away with what you did Erin.  
You'll pay for it soon, I promise._

* * *

"Here," Erin looked surprised at the voice. "A peace offering," Will added with a charming grin. Erin smiled and grabbed the cup of coffee Will was offering, giving him a thank you.

"Any update?" Will shook his head. Erin sighed, knowing there wouldn't be an update so soon.

"Not that I'm surprised that you decided to stay but Erin, we probably won't have an update for a couple of hours. You really don't have to wait, especially since it's unlikely she'll be able to get visitors because of the risk of infection," Will advised, sitting down in the seat previously occupied by Dodds before he left to grab some food at Erin's insistence. She wanted to be alone with her thoughts so when she heard Dodd's stomach growled earlier, she had used that as an opportunity to get some space from her partner.

"It's okay, I don't mind waiting," Erin sipped the coffee. "Thanks for this again." Will smiled. "Although peace offering? I didn't know we were fighting,"

"We're not," Will quickly answered, "well at least it's more of a one-sided fight, if you can even call it that." Erin looked at him confused. "I guess it's more of an apology rather than a peace offering, for not being as welcoming as I could have been when you came back," Erin chuckled at Will's apologetic face.

"There's nothing to apologize for, Will," Erin reassured the doctor. "I understand why you feel that way." She really did. He was just being a protective brother and she was actually glad that he and Jay had managed to rebuild their relationship and are as close as they are now. "You're a good brother."

Will laughed. "Sometimes,"

"Don't sell yourself short Halstead," Erin chided. "Jay told me how you have been there for him and how much of a rock you've been for him."

Will looked down at the floor and replied in a small voice. "Maybe I'm just still trying to make up for skipping out on him with our mother. I just still feel guilty about that,"

"Jay understood why you did what you did," Erin wanted to comfort the guy and wipe away the look of self loathing that made its way onto Will's face. She knew that feeling of guilt, of letting a loved one down, trying desperately to make up for it but not able to accept forgiveness when it's given to her. "He has forgiven you for that long time ago." Jay shared as much with her during one of those nights they just laid awake in bed—clothes shed and hearts opened—and Jay talked about forgiving Will for leaving him alone to deal with his mom dying and not being there during the deterioration of Jay's relationship with his father.

"Yeah I know," Will sighed. "Just hard to accept it you know?" Erin hummed in agreement. She knew. "Jay. Always ready to forgive." The moment they were sharing was cut off by the beeping of Will's pager. "Gotta go." Will stood up. "I'll check in on you again later."

"Will, it's not necessary. I'll be okay." Erin didn't want Will to be distracted from his work or want him to be feel obligated to check in on her during his breaks.

"I know you will be." Will smiled, "But still, it'll make me feel better and you know, score some good brothers points with Jay," he winked before walking away to get back to his job.

* * *

Jay kicked away the pile of debris in the burnt room, his boots asserting more energy than necessary on the ground. He lifted what remained of the couch and tossed it over, knocking into the opposite wall with a loud thud. He knew he should be more careful of the crime scene and handle things more delicately so they won't disturb whatever clue or lead they might find but his anger was simmering and it was making it way out onto the items in the room. "Easy," Olinsky's soft warning didn't do much to temper his anger.

The note that Yates left behind had everyone on edge, especially him. He had let out some choice words after reading the note, his blood boiling at the threatening tone of the note. The previous notes that Yates left were more meant to taunt and tease Erin but this one was a warning, a promise of a payback for some imagined misdeed Erin had supposedly committed against Yates. Jay could wring Yates' neck, thinking that he was the victim instead of the women he tormented and actual victims' whose lives he upended.

"We're not gonna find anything here," Adam spoke up, "everything's torched." They had only found the note because Yates had wanted them to find it.

Voight grunted. "Let's head back to the district. We're wasting time here,"

"So who's gonna call and tell Lindsay about the note?" Kevin asked while eyeing Jay and Voight, the most probable two to break the news of Erin. "She should be warned,"

"Erin's already know that Yates is after her," Voight answered. "She's safe at the hospital right now and we'll tell her when she gets back to the district." Jay ignored the looks that Adam and Kevin was sending him, checking to see if he'd agree with Voight or if they were gonna have another heated argument on their hands.

"You don't think she should know right away that Yates just threatened her?" Apparently an argument was on the menu.

"She's safe at the hospital," Voight returned.

"Yates' act involves wearing scrubs. He'll blend in perfectly at the hospital." Jay argued. Not everyone knew about Yates or even what he looked like and Chicago Med was a big place with lots of employees and staffs milling around. "We need to call her right away and she should be back at the district where she'll be safe,"

Jay knew Voight would agree with him when he saw Voight rubbed his eyes, his habit whenever he was about to give in to something. "Fine," Voight said, gesturing to Jay. "Call her and clue her in and tell her and Dodds to get back to the district. We're gonna head straight there."

* * *

"So we have an update," Erin stood up immediately as Dr. Rhodes came to inform them of the patient's status. "Tara is stable for now. We were able to repair a lot of the damage the fire had done, stabilized her airways, and treated her for smoke inhalation."

"What about her legs? Will said the damage might be too much?" Erin questioned, holding her breath.

"Unfortunately we won't know much until later. Like I said, the important thing is to get her stabilize first then we need to make sure she makes it through the first 24 hours, that there's no infection. Then down the road, we can think about repairing her legs."

"Is she awake? Can she get any visitors?" Erin wanted to be inside. She didn't know the victim, she didn't know Tara McCall but she just knew that no one should have to wake up alone in the hospital and wake up to a trauma and the possibility of never walking again.

"Not right now," Conner answered her. "Listen, the risk of infection is still high for now. Maybe if she's doing well in a couple of hours, we can think about letting you, wearing protective gears of course. But until then there's really nothing to do for her right now."

"We can come back in a couple of hours," Dodds said, putting a hand on Erin's shoulders. "You can see her then."

Erin just shook her head. "I already told you I'm staying here until I can see her. You can go back if you want." She turned to Conner. "Is she able to hear what's going on around her?" Conner nodded. "Okay then can you do me a favor? Just tell her and let her know that there's someone waiting for her outside. That she's not alone in this. Please?" Conner gave her a sympathetic smile and nodded before walking back in.

"Erin, we really should go back to the district," Dodds insisted.

Erin sighed. "You can go back if you want. Take the car." She took out the car keys and handed them over. Dodds grabbed it but sat back down. Erin quirked her eyebrows at the move.

"I'll stay. But I'm serious Erin. We're not staying past dinnertime even if I have to drag you out by your hair," he stated, expecting a smile but faltered at the lack of reaction from Erin. He let out a sigh and Erin knew he was frustrated with her, her memory going back to when they were first partnered up and their arguments about being too emotionally invested in cases. But Erin couldn't help herself. She knew what Tara was going through too well. She didn't blame Mike for being frustrated because he didn't know the story or why she was taking it too personally. But frankly, she didn't feel like explaining it to him right now.

"Dodds," she watched him as he answered his ringing phone, listening to whoever was on the other side. She hoped they didn't have any information that would force them to leave right now. He moved the phone to side and looked over to her. "You have your phone off or something?" Erin frowned, pulling out her phone. It was turned on "silence". She grimaced at the several missed calls from Jay and Hank, even Al had apparently tried to reach her several times.

"Yeah I must've turned it off earlier," she turned it back onto ring. "Why? What's going on?"

"Halstead and Voight have been trying to call you several times," he answered. "Here," he handed her his phone.

"Lindsay,"

"Erin!" she cringed at the loudness of Hank's voice over the phone. "Answer your damn phone!" She offered an apology. "There's been another note. I want you back at the station ASAP!"

"What did the note say?" she asked, bracing herself for the answer. Hank repeated the content of the note back to her.

"He's after you Erin. I want you to come back now," he ordered. "This isn't a joke. This was a threat. One that we're gonna take seriously. There's nothing you can do at the hospital. You'll be safe at the district."

"If he's after me then let him come after me," Erin gritted. "I'm staying here. I'll be safe here. If he decided to come after me at the hospital, I can protect myself."

"Erin!" Hank growled but Erin wasn't backing down.

"I'm staying!" she said, determined. "I'll stay until I get to see Tara. Not a second sooner. Bye Hank!" she hung up the phone. She knew she would hear it from Voight later and from Jay. Maybe even Antonio might chew her out for being stubborn but she couldn't make herself leave the hospital. If Yates is promising payback for whatever she supposedly did to him, then let him try.

* * *

"She hung up?!" Jay asked, exasperation showing. He started pacing, hand on hips. "Call her back! Or better yet, let me go down to Chicago Med and bring her back here!"

"Serge!" Kevin and Adam entered the bullpen, a file in their hands. "We got the list."

"What list?" Antonio questioned, grabbing the file and looking through the content.

"These are the possible locations of Yates. Gathered from the last time through the tip line," Kevin explained. "We looked through them and we think we've narrowed down several locations that seem legit."

Voight took the file from Antonio to look it over. "Alright. Vest up." The team nodded, ready to head down to the roll-up. Jay remained standing with his hands on his hips, staring down Voight.

"I'm going to Med," Jay announced. He would drag Erin back to the station if he had to. It wasn't safe for her at Chicago Med where Yates could wander in wearing medical scrubs and blend in with the medical staff.

"The only place you're going is down stairs to vest up and hitting these locations," Voight growled. "I don't need you running off playing hero to Erin right now. I need you focus on your task and help the team find and take down Yates."

"But Serge…" Jay was frustrated. Why didn't Voight understand that Erin wasn't budging unless he or Voight themselves went down there and bring her back to the precinct. Why wasn't Voight putting Erin's safety first?

"I need you focus Halstead!" Voight interrupted. "We're splitting up the locations and we need you. You want to help Erin? Then you help the team find Yates and bring him in. Got it?" Hank was staring down Jay, daring him to talk back. Jay gritted his teeth.

"Fine!" he gave in. "Let's do this." He knew he would just be wasting time if he further argued with Voight. Voight wasn't backing down and Jay knew he had to follow orders. So the faster they hit the locations and hopefully find Yates, the faster he can get back to Erin's side.

* * *

"Erin?" Will's soft voice woke Erin up from where she dozed off, her head snapping awake. "Sorry,"

Erin let out a small yawn, stretching her back. "No it's fine. What's going on?" She saw the empty seat next to her and frowned, wondering where Dodds went.

"He went to get some good coffee. Said he couldn't handle the kind we serve here," Will explained, knowing Erin's question. "So Conner, Dr. Rhodes, told me that they are letting Tara have visitors. But it'll have to be short and quick." Erin nodded. "Come with me, I'm supposed to take you back so you can put on protective gears, make it safe for Tara."

Erin quickly stood up, following Will through the double door to the burn unit. He pointed her to a changing stall where the protective gear she needed to see Tara was located and Erin quickly changed into them. Will stood waiting for her outside and when she came back out, he took her to Tara's room.

"Okay," Will turned back, suddenly stopping in his track. "So she's pretty weak right now but she's conscious and responding. Conner is about to break the news about her legs and her options right now and he thought you'd want to be there."

"Yeah."

"Just brace yourself," Will warned before opening the door to the room and staying behind as Erin walked in the room. She entered the room, ready to be the support Tara needed.

* * *

"What?!" Jay spat into his phone as he finished putting on his vest.

"Hello to you too big brother," he rolled his eyes at Will even if the latter couldn't see it.

"What do you want Will?" he replied back, voice agitated. "This isn't a good time right now."

"Nothing. Just thought you'd want to know that Erin is in to see Tara right now." Will answered, nonchalantly. "But if you don't want updates on Erin then I can just hang up…"

"No, don't!" Jay could practically see the smirk that Will had on his face right now. "How is she doing?"

"She's doing okay, I guess. Her partner, I think Dodds? He told me that she's been quiet and hasn't eaten or drank anything but maybe she'll feel better now that she gets to see the patient."

Jay sighed, rubbing his finger on his forehead. "Yeah, I guess that's not a surprise," He really shouldn't be surprised that Erin was being quiet. She always got that way whenever something was weighing heavy on her mind. He just wished he could be there for her right now. "Thanks for the update man and thanks for checking up on her,"

"You know I got you," Will said, waving off his thanks. "I know how much you care about Erin so I've been checking up on her whenever I can. Take it as my apology for being an ass about you two."

Jay chuckled. Will was such a good brother. "Thanks again." he sighed, looking around the rollup to see the team vesting up and getting their weapons ready. "Listen, I don't know when I'm gonna be done here."

"What's going on there? Did you guys get a lead?"

"Kind of." Jay replied. "We're just gonna check out and bust down a couple of places Yates might be at. If we're lucky, he's hiding out in one of these holes and we catch the psychopath."

"Good luck with that," Will said, clearly not believing that it would be that easy to catch Yates. Jay had to agree with Will there. It was never that easy.

"Will," Jay started. "Keep an eye on Erin please. Yates left her another note and he threatened her. So just keep her safe alright? I'll be there as soon as I can."

"Y…yeah. Of course," Jay felt a bit better knowing Will was at the hospital with Erin. "I got you man." Jay thanked his brother one last time before hanging up. He adjusted his vest one last time—fingers ghosting over his glock—grabbed the case containing his trusty long range rifle before following the team out of the bullpen.

* * *

It was past 2 in the morning when the team dragged themselves back into the precinct, worn and sullen. They had separated into groups and divvied up the locations but they all came up empty. Jay knew his instincts were right, that it wouldn't be that easy to capture Yates. Everyone was all quiet, despondent as they took off their vests, put their weapons away and gathered around in the middle of the roll-up.

"Alright," Voight started, "We're gonna get uniforms sit on some of the locations, just in case Yates goes there. In the meantime, we're gonna gather more intel on our end. I want to rip the files apart, look for anything that we missed in them, any hint of a lead."

"Should we think about opening up the tip line again?" Adam asked, "We got so much information the last time we did that."

"Sure Ruzek. Why don't we just tell the public that a serial killer that was supposed to be dead is alive and is roaming the streets? Then we can just relax and let the public freak out and have everyone call in with bogus tips?!"

Adam just raised his hands, surrendering. "Just a thought boss,"

"Tomorrow we're gonna comb through all of his old financial records with a fine comb. He has to be supporting himself in one way or another. A place to live, the sedan he used to follow Lindsay. Check all the pods we have available. But for now, everyone go home and get some sleep. I don't want to see your faces until 10 tomorrow. "Hank ordered and left the bullpen.

"I guess it's too late for Molly's," Hailey said, looking at her watch. "But I can use a drink. You guys want to come back to my place and get a drink?"

"I'm always down for a free drink," Kevin replied and Adam nodded, agreeing with Kevin. Kim looked hesitant for a second before agreeing, Adam smiling wide at the response.

"I'm beat so count me out," Antonio answered, patting Jay's back before leaving for the night. Olinsky just waved goodbye and left, muttering about young kids and not being able to keep up with them any longer.

"Jay?" Hailey asked, looking at him for his response. He quickly shook his head. It was the last thing he wanted to do.

"Does that invitation extend to me too?" They all turned around at the sudden voice entering the roll-up. Jay frowned when he saw Dodds coming down the stairs. Jay had thought that since it was two in the morning, Dodds would be back at the hotel and Erin would be back at his place, he had left instructions at the front desk to so Erin can get in easily. But if her partner was here then Erin hadn't gone home yet.

"What are you doing here?" Jay asked. "Where's Erin?"

"Erin gave me the keys to the car so I thought I'd just swing by and see if anyone from my unit needed a ride back to the hotel. Erin's still at the hospital."

Jay glared. "You left her alone there?"

"She insisted. I tried to get her to go back to your place or to the hotel but she wouldn't budge. Told me to go home," Dodds shrugged. Jay scoffed at Dodds, disbelief at how Dodds seemed to be okay with leaving his partner alone. Jay shook his head, eyes shooting daggers at Dodds.

"I'm out," Jay said to the group, walking out of the roll-up, no longer interested in his team's plans for the night. He just wanted to get to the hospital quickly and be by Erin's side.

* * *

"Hey man," Will spotted him as soon as Jay walked into Chicago Med, almost as if he knew Jay would be coming and was waiting for him. Jay reluctantly made his way over to his brother. He just wanted to get to Erin. "Did you guys get him?" Jay shook his head. "Yeah I figured."

"Where's Erin? Any news on the patient?" Jay asked.

"Erin's where she's been the whole day. She's just been sitting outside of the ICU. She got to see the patient for a while earlier but they had to pull her out quickly since Tara went into distress." Will replied. "They got her stabilize earlier but I don't know man. I think they're just hoping they can get through the night for now."

Jay nodded at Will's reply. "Has Erin eaten anything?" he asked, already expecting Will's answer that she hasn't. He wasn't surprised but frowned anyway. "Alright, I'm gonna head there. Thanks for looking out for her." he gave Will a solid pat on the back and headed to Erin.

He found her sitting in a chair, arms around herself, eyes closed. He sighed, looking at how tired she looked. He approached her slowly and sat down next to her. She jerked at the sudden presence next to her before calming down when she saw him. "Hey," she offered him a small smile. "You're here!"

"You're here," Jay returned, shrugging—as if there's any other place he'd rather be when she's here. "How's Tara?"

"Okay for now, I think." Erin answered. "They really wouldn't tell me much. But I did get to see her for a while."

Jay nodded. "I heard. How was it?"

Erin pursed her lips. "Not so good. She seemed fine when Conner explained to her about her burns especially since Conner was optimistic about skin grafts. But she pretty much lost it when he told her about her legs and how she might never walk again."

"Yeah that's to be expected right?" Jay knew he would freak if he got the news. Burn marks were horrible but they're only skin deep. But the thought of not being able to walk on his own ever again, Jay didn't know how he'd handle it.

"I guess," Erin answered softly. "I just wish I could do something more for her."

"Erin, I'm sure she appreciated you being there for her, especially since she was alone," Jay reassured Erin. "You've done all you can. You just being there, her knowing there's someone like you fighting for her is more than enough." Erin just nodded at his words.

"You should go home and get some sleep,"

"So should you," Jay shot back. "You're staying then I'm staying," He wasn't going to leave her sitting in the cold waiting room all by herself. "Have you eaten anything yet?" Erin shook her head. "Let me go and get you something to eat."

"No, I'm not really hungry," Erin replied.

"Erin, you haven't eaten since breakfast. It's almost 3 in the morning now. You have to eat something," Jay insisted. "I can go get something from the cafeteria."

He knew Erin would turn down his offer of food but they were interrupted by the clamoring of the medical staff in the background, Dr. Rhodes suddenly running to the back, shouting out medical jargons Jay didn't understand.

Erin stood up, "What's going on?" He held her shoulders, trying to get her to calm down. They heard Tara's name being mentioned so they knew it was about her. Erin broke his hold on her and started pacing, biting her fingers. He let her be, knowing that she needed to let her distress out in some way and held back his need to hold and soothe her.

After a very long and tense ten minutes, Conner came back out and headed over to them, Erin immediately crowding him in hopes to get answers. "What's going on? Is Tara okay?"

"She came down with an infection." Dr. Rhodes started to explain. "We're keeping an eye on it and see how she responds to treatment but…" the grim look on Conner's face had Jay on edge.

"But what?" Erin asked, impatient and needing answers.

"But if she doesn't respond well or the infection doesn't get better, we have to start thinking about amputation." Erin's eyes widened at Conner's reply and Jay's heart dropped. "It's a waiting game at this point." He put his hands on Erin's shoulders, trying to get her full attention. "Listen Erin, there's really nothing more you can do for her at this time. We won't be able to let you see her anymore tonight and not until we get the infection under control. Go home."

Erin didn't respond. Jay grew anxious at seeing the faraway look that came over Erin's face. Conner looked to Jay as he wasn't getting a reply from Erin. Jay just gave him a small nod, signaling that he'll get Erin home.

"I gotta go check on more patients," Conner said, checking his pager.

"Yeah. Thanks man," Jay shook his hands and let the doctor leave. Jay turned his attention to Erin who sat back down, just staring into space. He knelt down in front of her chair, leaning in close. "Erin." He called softly, wanting her to look at him. She slowly turned her head and he grew concerned after seeing Erin totally blank. He gently rubbed her knees, wanting to do something—anything—to comfort her. "You heard Conner. Let's go home and get some sleep." She looked at him for a bit longer before finally nodding. He let out a small sigh of relief that Erin was finally listening to him and gave her a smile. "Come on," he held out his hand, smiling when Erin placed hers in his and he pulled her up gently. He helped her put on her jacket, bundling her tight so she'd be warm and leading her gently out of the hospital, heading home.

* * *

Erin remained quiet during the car ride, quiet on the way up and still silent as they entered his place. Jay wished he knew what to say to make Erin feel better, take her mind off of Tara and her condition. But knowing it was nearly impossible to reach Erin right now. To get her to listen and get her to open up, let him in and let him soothe her.

"You want a shower?" he led her to his bedroom when she nodded. He wheeled in her luggage that he brought back from the precinct so she can grab the clothes she needed. But Erin didn't take the offered luggage, surprising him by grabbing his shirt and pants she wore last night and heading into the bathroom.

* * *

By the time he had taken a quick shower and exited his bathroom, he was expecting to find Erin in the living room. So he was taken off guard when he found her sitting on his bed instead, knee pulled to her chest and staring off into space, seemingly deep in thoughts. He walked over to her slowly, kneeling down beside his bed, hands on her knees. "Erin?" A familiar feeling of helplessness passed through him at seeing her eyes filled with glistening tears. He wished so badly that there was something he can do for her, to ease her distress, take away her pain so he did the only thing he could—wipe away her falling tear gently, his thumb grazing her face. Her eyes landed on his, lips parted at his gentle actions. He tried to offer her a reassuring smile, trying to convey to her without words that he was there for her, always.

He was almost knocked off his feet when she suddenly threw her arms around him, burying her head in his neck. He recovered quickly, gripped her tightly to him, letting out small shushes and words of comfort, letting her know that he was there, he wasn't going anywhere. The tears she was trying her hardest to hold back couldn't be contained anymore as she broke down in his arms, her body trembling as she sobbed. He placed his fingers in her hair, bringing her closer to him while his other hand gently made its way up and down her back. She clutched him tighter, her tears wetting his neck but he reveled in the feeling of having her close, of her letting her emotions out, trusting him to be there for her.

He slowly stood up, her still clinging to him, and he gingerly moved them so they were laying on his bed without breaking contact, without letting her pull away from him. He somehow managed and she remained in his embrace, head laying on his arm, face in his neck and his hands keeping her cradled to him. He let her get her tears out—he'd hold her all night—just wanting to be a wall of strength for her.

* * *

"I was shot," Erin felt Jay tense immediately at her confession as she broke the silence. They were still lying down on his bed, her face buried in his chest. The steady beat of his heart and the soft strokes of his hand on her back breaking down her wall, giving her a sense of safety in his caress. Safe enough to open up and tell him the truth.

"What?" he pulled back a bit so he can look down at her but she clung to him tighter, her forehead pressed against his chest. It was easier to talk that way without seeing his eyes, without her being able to read every expressions, every thought he'd have.

"It was about seven, eight months ago," she continued as he began stroking her back again. "I was still with the FBI. Agent Spencer, she's the head, she was after this promotion and was after this drug ring peddling fentanyl. This big player, he was new on the scene but was already doing more damage than most with the drugs. We didn't have enough intel on them since he was new but she wanted to go in anyway, go ahead with the bust. So we did, went into the warehouse practically blind and the next thing I know I was on the floor."

She remembered telling her boss that it wasn't a good idea to go in, that her team didn't feel comfortable going in without enough intel but Agent Spencer was determined, hungry for the promotion. So she geared up, following orders, and headed into the warehouse where they were cutting the fentanyl and the next thing she knew she was on the ground, pain piercing through her back before passing out from the pain.

"The next thing I remember I woke up in the hospital," she felt Jay clutch her tighter, upset at her confession. "I was alone." That had been the hardest part for her. Waking up—scared and confused—by herself in the strange room. She didn't remember what happened, didn't know how she got there or why she couldn't feel her leg. "The doctor explained that the bullet hit my back and some medical stuff I didn't understand but the only thing I could focus on was that I couldn't feel my legs."

She trembled, recalling the fear she felt at the possibility of never being able to walk again. All she wanted then was just to break down in Jay's arms but he wasn't there. No one was. He felt her tremble and placed a soothing kiss on top of her head. "They told me that I might be paralyzed. That my spinal was too swollen for them to fully know the extent of the damage."

"Why didn't you call me?" he asked, hurt lacing his words. "I would've been there right away,"

"I know you would have," Erin admitted. She knew Jay would've been on the first flight if he knew. "You got to understand Jay. I wasn't in my right mind at the time. The thought of never walking again…it was too much for me to handle and accept."

"You were alone the entire time?" She remembered the feeling of isolation that she felt when she woke up alone, no one by her bedside. That feeling of loneliness when she realized that she had no family in New York, no emergency contact that they called upon. That's why she had taken Tara's injuries so hard, because she knew what it was like to wake up in a cold hospital room alone, afraid for her future. She didn't want anyone else to go through what she did. She finally asked for the nurse to contact Olivia and she arrived straight away, telling her that Hank was on the next flight. She felt a bit better by then, knowing she wasn't so alone but she was still left with the harsh reality of her injuries.

Hank arrived a couple of hours later, came straight from the airport. He just came into the hospital room, took one look at her and she broke down, her fears about the uncertainty of her future spilling out. Kim arrived a couple of days later—when she was still stuck in the hospital bed, still waiting for the swelling to go down so she'd know one way or another. Whether she'd be back to who she was or if her life and her future was forever changed.

"I should've been there," Jay said, irked. "You should've called me, let me know."

"I didn't want you to be," Erin whispered into his chest, feeling Jay tense at her words. "I didn't want you to be burdened."

"Erin, you can never be a burden," Jay replied, holding her tighter as if to emphasis his point. He placed another kiss—harder this time—on top of her head so she can understand. "Never, not for me."

Erin tightened her own hold on him, pressing herself closer to him. "That's exactly why I didn't tell you."

"Is that why you completely stopped talking to me?" Jay asked, Erin knew he was starting to put things together. She nodded into his chest. "That's why you cut me out of your life?"

"Jay," the tears in her eyes clouding her voice. "I wanted to tell you so bad, I swear. All I wanted was you by my side. I knew you'd make me feel better, try to fix things for me, make me realize that things weren't so bad. That you'd make me feel safe, like you always do."

"Then why didn't you?"

Tears were now spilling out of her eyes, wetting Jay's shirt. "I couldn't be selfish anymore. I didn't know if I was going to be paralyzed, I didn't want you tied down to me. To make you obligated to my problems. Not when you can be with someone else, be happier here, away from me and my problems."

That was the truth. She remembered laying in the hospital bed, alone with her thoughts and her future uncertain, pondering over Kim's insistence at calling Jay and letting him know about her condition. But no matter what, she knew she couldn't. She had already broken his heart, it would be unfair and completely selfish of her to tie him down to her. She knew Jay, she knew that he'd feel obligated no matter what to fix things for her, to be there for her. It wouldn't matter to him that they weren't together anymore, that was the type of guy that Jay was. That was why she loved him so much. She had never met a more selfless person, a person that put her own needs and wants above his own. She didn't deserve him, especially when she didn't have anything to offer. No fairytale future that he deserved.

"It wouldn't have been an obligation. I wouldn't have felt obligated. I would have been there because I wanted to be there, not because of some obligations," Jay insisted. "How long were you in the hospital?"

"A couple of weeks," Erin answered. "It was the not knowing that was the hardest. But finally they got the swelling under control and by some miracle, the damage to my spinal cord wasn't as bad as they thought. My back will probably never be the way it was but at least I'm able to walk."

"That's how you left the FBI?"

"Yeah, Spencer knew she screwed up and that they had a huge liability on their hand. I wasn't the only one that got injured during the raid so they were just trying to stop people from suing. I didn't want to sue, all I wanted was to get out. So they let me, with a nice severance package, to make up for it."

"Why didn't you reach out then? After you were okay?" Erin knew Jay would be hurt at her staying away even after her injuries got better, that she wasn't going to be paralyzed.

"It was like a wake up call for me," she replied. "A reminder that I needed to let you go completely, to let you live your life. that it wasn't fair for me to keep you tethered to me and my problems. It was time for both of us to get a fresh start."

She heard Jay let out a sad chuckle. "You know what I always wondered when you cut me out?"

Erin pulled back to look at Jay. "What?"

He looked at her, eyes vulnerable. "Why it was so easy for you to move on. Why you were able to stay away and cut me out when I couldn't move on so easily like I thought you did."

Erin shook her head immediately. "It wasn't." she clutched the back of his shirt tighter. "It was the hardest thing I ever had to do. It wasn't easy when I got your calls and your messages. To ignore them when all I want was to reach out to you, hear your voice, to know you were doing okay."

"I thought you've moved on," Jay replied back, voice small. "that you found someone else."

"I didn't," Erin denied. "I couldn't. Believe me, I tried but I couldn't. Not from you. But I knew it had to be done, that I needed to let you go, let you live your life."

Jay's eyes narrowed. "But it wasn't just your decision to make Erin." A sliver of anger slicing through Jay's voice. "It's my life, didn't I deserve any say in it?"

"Of course you do Jay! But I thought I was doing the best thing for you!" All she wanted was for him to be happy, for him to live a happy life.

Jay gave her a sad smile. "I know you did Erin." He brought his hand up to her face, cupping her jaw. "But you need to know something. You need to know that there's nothing that you can do or nothing that can happen that can make me move on from you, for me to stop loving you. That there's nothing in this world that can make me stop wanting to be with you."

"Jay," her eyes were tearing up again, her chest tightening at his words.

He held her face firmer, his thumb grazing her lips and his eyes piercing into hers so she'd understand. "You wanted me to live my life? Guess what Erin? I wasn't living it okay? I was like a zombie, just going through the motion, just trying to get by every day. Do you know that I've felt more emotions in the past couple of days you've been back than in the past 7 months? That's you Erin. That's all you. No one else can do that for me and I don't want anyone else to."

Jay wiped her tears away before leaning in to whisper, "You're the bright spot in my life."

"But I bring dark storms into it as well," Erin softly replied.

"So what?" Jay shrugged. "I have my own dark storms too. All that matters to me is that you're there with an umbrella covering me." He sighed, his hand tracing her face, his finger lingering on the spot where her dimple was. "Erin, I don't expect sunny days all the time. That's not what I want. That's not realistic. That's not real life. If there's anything I've learned, it's that I'd rather have the good with the bad than feel nothing at all. That I'd rather weathered through the dark storms if it means sunny days are ahead because no matter how short those days are, they're worth it. You're worth it."

Erin lifted her hand to his face, seeing nothing but honesty and affection in his eyes. "Me too." She knew she didn't stand a chance resisting Jay any longer. That whatever little resolve she had left to keep her distance from Jay had completely vanished with each day she spent back in Chicago and now completely broken down at the look she saw in Jay's eyes.

He gave her a heart stopping grin before leaning in to kiss her forehead, his lips lingering at her temple. "Good," he whispered into her skin. "Because I can't let you go a second time. Now when I have you in my arms again."

She leaned back a bit to look into his eyes, making sure he understood completely where she stood. "So don't."

He gave her another smile before pecking her nose. She settled back into his arms, her ear resting against his beating heart and closing her eyes. The four a.m confessions leaving both of them feeling lighter as they drifted off to sleep.


	9. Chapter 9

I'm loving all the reviews/follows/favorites. Thanks again for taking the time to do all that.

um buckle up?

* * *

Chapter 9

Erin jerked awake, the ringing of her phone being the culprit to disturb her from the peaceful sleep she was having. Her eyes squinted at the bright sunlight streaming in through the window and tried to grab her phone but her attempt to silence it before it can wake up Jay failed when she felt him stir awake. He just reached over with his longer arm to the nightstand behind her and handed her the cell phone.

"Hello?" her voice groggy from the sleep. "No I'm good this morning. Okay, bye." She quickly hung up and settled back down.

"Who was that?" Jay asked, re-opening his arms when she tried to settle back into them.

"Mike," Erin replied, burying her face in his chest again. "He just wanted to know if I needed a ride this morning since he has my car," her voiced muffled by his shirt. "But I told him I'm good. That I'd catch a ride with you."

Jay pressed a kiss on her head and she felt him take a deep breath. "I miss this," he whispered into her hair. Erin smiled, agreeing with him. The past two nights where she fell asleep next to Jay were the best sleep she had in a long while. She felt so warm in his arms, protecting her from the chill of the night.

"Me too," she looked up to smile at him, dimples showing. Her heart skipped when he gave her a smile of his own, his eyes crinkling at the corner. He bent down to peck her nose then her forehead and she felt him smile into her skin. "I hate to break this up but we need to get up. It's already 9 and you said Hank wanted us there by 10," she muttered into his chest.

He groaned, still holding her. She tried to pull back—to get out of bed and get ready for the day—but he held onto her, pulling her back to his chest. He looked down at her in wonder. "What?" she giggled, starting to feel a bit self conscious at his heated gaze.

He shook his head. "I just can't believe you're here," he replied, his voice in awe. "I've been dreaming of this for so long."

She felt her heart constrict at his words, the feeling of love surging through her. She leaned up and tenderly kissed his jaw, his morning stubble tickling her. She loved his stubble, his jaw, his smile—she loved everything about this man. She would forever be amazed by his capacity for forgiveness, his ability to accept the darkest part of her and still love her through it all. She was determined to do the same for him.

"Me too."

He was still smiling. "Okay, we really need to get up if I want to keep my job. The way I've been going at Voight lately, I wouldn't be surprised if he's looking for any excuse to get rid of me," he teased.

They both reluctantly got up from the cocoon they created for themselves and got ready for the day. Jay had bought her another $6 coffee much to her delight—she could really start getting used to the artisan coffee every morning—and they headed for the district.

* * *

"Whoa, here's something interesting," Jay looked up from the file he was currently reading on his computer and announced to the group. "So Yates' savings and checkings accounts were closed down after he died but get this, he had a CD at BD Bank,"

"BD Bank? That's that small independent bank local to the area. Heard that they can a bit loose with the paper works, as long as they get some papers coming their way, of course." Olinksy said, offering more information.

"Yeah and get this. The maturity date of the CD was two months ago. He withdrew over $50,000 in cash."

"So that's how he's been supporting himself this entire time, how he bought the car."

Jay nodded at Adam's observation. "We need to go talk to the bank."

Voight pointed at Kevin and Adam. "You two go."

"When did you say the withdrawal date was?" Amanda asked.

"Two months ago. Um October 7th," Jay replied.

"So why don't Fin and I look through the pods near by the bank on that day and see if we can spot the black sedan?" Voight nodded at Amanda's suggestion. "Erin, did you see the make and model of the sedan?"

"Yeah, it looked like a Honda Accord. I'd say 2003 judging by the body. But there was no license plate."

"Sounds good, just fax it over. I'll be waiting," Olivia hung up her cell as she entered the bullpen. "Okay, that was New York. The prison guard that helped Yates during his prison stay was just murdered in prison," she informed the group.

"Jeez, wasn't he just sentenced like two weeks ago?" Carisi asked.

"A crooked prison guard doing time in prison? He's lucky he made it a week," Antonio joked.

"Still, his death might be connected." Erin reasoned. "I mean, he helped Yates out and had information on him. Now he's dead?"

"And that $50,000 withdrawal could be pay off money for the hit," Jay added. "How was the guard killed?"

"Shanked during free time," Olivia answered. "As soon as NYPD signed off on it, they'll fax the file on the guard over. I have someone already looking into the prisoner that killed the guard and see if there's any money send into his canteen or if his loved one have any large amount of money coming in. They'll send the information over as soon as they have that too."

"Sounds good," Hank replied. "Let's dig deeper, see if we missed any more accounts he has hidden away." Hank went back into his office with Olivia and Erin followed him in.

She closed the door. "So I know I should be helping to look through the file but is it okay if I go down to Chicago Med and check on Tara?"

She waited as Hank and Olivia exchanged looks with one another. "What?" she asked, crossing her arms. "You think I'm getting too close to the victim."

"We just want you to be careful," Hank said. "We know Tara's circumstances and we're just.."

"Concerned," Olivia finished. "It's easy to get too invested, especially when you empathize with someone and understand what they're going through. We just think it'd be smart to keep some distance. That's all."

Erin sighed, irritated. "I know that. I just want to check in on her and get an update okay? She wasn't doing too well last night when I left so I promise, I won't fall down the rabbit hole with this. Just a quick update. I'll even take Dodds with me."

She waited as Hank and Olivia exchanged another look, wondering to herself if it's a good thing that the two authority figures in her life seemed to be becoming a unit. "Make it quick," Olivia relented. "You're still on the clock here Erin."

Erin thanked them and walked out of the office. She saw Jay's watchful eyes on her so she headed over to his desk to fill him in. "What was that about?" Jay asked as she perched herself on the edge of his desk.

"I just needed permission so I can go to the hospital and check on Tara," Erin explained.

"Okay, I'll come with you," Jay offered. Erin shook her head.

"It's ok. You can stay here and look through the files. I'll take Dodds."

"You sure?" Jay asked with a small frown on his face. She wanted to run her fingers through his eyebrows to ease the knit that formed there but she held herself back. They were at work at the bullpen after all. She was never that comfortable showing her affection around other people, especially in professional settings.

"Yeah, I'll be fine," she just patted his shoulders, lifted herself off his desk to walk over to Dodds and headed to the hospital.

* * *

"Hey," Conner greeted her as she approached the doctor. "I have some good news. We managed to fight off her infection and she made it through the night. She's in good condition for now but we're still gonna keep an eye on her closely just in case."

Erin let out a sigh of relief. "That's great."

"She has a long road ahead of her in terms of recovery. I think she'll respond to skin grafts really well so there's that."

"What about her legs?" Erin questioned. "Will she be able to walk again?"

"We're optimistic right now," Conner answered, "Once she's up to it, I want to refer her to a specialist in New York about potentially regaining her leg strength. He is pretty famous for miracle work but that's in the future and only if she can get an appointment."

"Wait, are you talking about Dr. Ewan Peters?" Erin asked.

"Yeah, you've heard of him?"

"Um I know him actually. I've worked with him before," Ewan had been her doctor while she was in the hospital after getting shot. That was how she met him initially before introducing him to SVU in professional capacity. Conner was right, Ewan was a miracle worker and had the reputation and clientele to prove it. She was lucky that he had accepted her as a patient after initially treating her at the hospital and helped her through the long and difficult process of regaining full use of her legs. She owed Ewan so much for her being able to do the job she loved today.

"He's a friend. I can talk to him about taking Tara on as a patient when she's ready," Erin offered.

"Yeah, if you can. That'll help her a lot. It's a long ways away but if everything goes well for her then his skills will definitely be needed."

"No problem," She took out her phone, reading the text message that came through it. "Sorry but I have to go. Thanks again for the update."

"Not a problem. I'll get a message to you when she can get visitors." Erin nodded and gave him another pat on his arms as a 'thank you' as he returned to his patients. She turned to Dodds who was standing a few feet away.

"Hey, that was a message from Voight. There's been another fire and we need to go," Erin said. "Let's go,"

* * *

Erin pulled up to the location that Hank texted her and saw the chaos that usually surrounded an on-going fire. "Hmm, strange. This is more of an industrial area than a residential one," she muttered, looking around but didn't see any of the Intelligence or SVU members there yet. Just the familiar faces of Firehouse 51 racing to put out the fire.

"Hey!" Dodds shouted, pointing at a street corner a few feet away from the fire. "Look at that guy!"

Erin directed her attention to where Dodds was pointing and saw a man standing—observing the fire quietly—wearing a long coat and a baseball cap hiding his face. "Is that..that's Yates! He was also there during the first fire!"

Erin and Dodds quickly exited the car, trying to subtly head towards the man—doing their best to not attract his attention. As they got closer to him, he quickly put his head down—stopping them from seeing his face—before running off. They immediately chased after him, following him down the surrounding alleys. "Call it in!" Dodds shouted as he got ahead of Erin.

"This is Detective Lindsay," Erin panted into her radio to dispatch. "We are chasing a possible offender on foot by Industry and Cermak. We need back-up immediately!" She ran after Dodds who got further ahead of her in their hot pursuit of Yates. She cursed her short legs as she continued to catch up to them. She watched as Dodds turned the corner following Yates. She sped up as fast as she can, withdrawing her gun.

She turned the same corner into another alley as Dodds did but skidded to a stop immediately. Dodds was no longer in sight—the alley empty except for a lone dumpster. "Dodds!" she shouted, hoping that her partner would answer back. She pointed her gun and slowly approached further into the alley, trying to open the doors of the warehouses that were located alongside the alley just in case they went into the warehouse. Her heart was beating out of her chest as she continued further down. "Yates!" she yelled. "I know it's you. Come out with your hands up!" Still no answer.

She made her way toward the dumpster—gun still ready to go—and saw her partner laid face down behind it. "Mike!" She was making her way over to him to check for a pulse—praying he's okay—when she heard a loud noise behind her—one of the door to a warehouse opening—and she felt someone grabbed her from behind—taking her by surprise and knocking her gun away—and she felt a cloth placed over her mouth. She immediately smelt chloroform on the rag and she knew she only had a few minutes to fight the guy off before the effect of the liquid would take over and render her helpless.

She tried to fight the offender off as hard as she could, trying to reach and claw any body part she can but he was too strong for her. She tried to turn her head back to get a good look at his face but he had her in a chokehold. She struggled to breath, his arm restricting her airway and the cloth blocking her from taking a breath. She heard him pant and growl into her ears and her desperation to fight him off grew. She elbowed his stomach, breaking away a little before he grabbed her by her hair, pulling her head back. She grunted loudly in pain as her head jerked back, the cloth still covering her mouth.

He dragged her by her hair and pushed her to the dumpster, her head making contact with the edge of the object. She felt the warm flow of blood starting making its way down her forehead, her head dazed from the hit. She still tried to fight—to not give up—but she felt her body giving up as the effect of the hit and chloroform finally taking over and her world went black.

* * *

"What are you guys doing here?" Jay exchanged a look at Boden's question with the team as they arrived at the location of the fire.

"What do you mean?" Hank asked, obviously he was confused by Boden's question of their arrival. "You're the one that sent me the message, telling us to come down."

Boden knitted his eyebrows. "No I didn't. Why would I call in Intelligence for just a regular warehouse fire?"

"Wait, this isn't the work of Yates?"

"No." Boden denied. "We didn't find any body inside or any notes. Wait, you're saying you got a message from me?" He asked Voight. Voight took out his phone to show the text message he received earlier from Boden, the message responsible for their presence at the location.

"That wasn't me," Boden said. "I've been too busy trying to fight this fire. I didn't send you this message."

Jay suddenly got a bad feeling about this. Nothing was adding up. He should've known it the minute they pulled up to a warehouse fire. That wasn't Yate's M.O. "Something's going on." He spoke up.

Hank grunted, agreeing with him. "Who sent this message then?"

"Maybe someone from your team?" Amanda asked, throwing out ideas.

"No one has access to my phone except me and as I said earlier, everyone on my team has been too busy trying to stop this fire to send out any messages."

"Maybe just a miscommunication then." Adam suggested. "A false alarm?"

Jay didn't exactly agree with Adam but they had no other explanation for it so they would have just chalk it up to a miscommunication. It looked like they wasted a trip for nothing—although it was a good thing that there was no new victim. He was about to head back to the car and go back to the district when he heard the static of SVU radio came in, stopping him in his path.

"Go for Benson!" Olivia said into the radio.

"This is Dodds," A dreadful feeling went through Jay at hearing Dodd's voice, groggy and panicked. "I repeat this is Dodds." Jay scowled at how weak Dodds sounded, as if he was injured.

"Dodds!" Olivia shouted into the radio. "What's going on?"

"Lindsay…" his voice came over the radio, cutting off every few seconds. "She's…." The Sergant sounded alarmed and distressed.

Jay wanted to grab the radio out of Olivia's hand and demand Dodds to just tell them what's going on.

"Dodds, we can't really hear you! Just tell us what's wrong with Lindsay? Where are you guys?" Olivia ordered through the radio.

Jay's heart sank as Dodds' words came over the radio. "Erin…she's gone. Yates has her!"

* * *

Somehow Olivia had managed to get the location Dodds was at and they found out he was just a few alleys away. Jay had ran there as soon as Dodds had rattled off his location, footsteps of his team following behind him. But he didn't bother waiting, the sooner he can get there the sooner he can find out what the hell happened. There was a pain in his chest—an agony—after hearing the words of his fear coming true. That Yates had Erin.

He finally rounded the corner into the alley and saw Dodds standing—his head bleeding. Jay surged forward in anger and grabbed Dodds by the collar and slammed him to the wall. "What the fuck happened?!" he roared, unable to control his anger. "Huh? Where's Erin?" He couldn't contain himself, couldn't care about the fact that Dodds was injured and that Jay shouldn't really be slamming him against the wall. He just wanted to know what happened. "Where is she?" He gripped Dodds' collar tighter, the Sergant's back slamming against the wall one more time.

"Jay!" He felt Adam and Kevin pull him back, to get him to calm down. "Easy man! Come on!" The two of them finally managed to control him, Kevin holding him back. "Calm down!" Kevin's words didn't register in Jay's mind. It was blank and all he knew was that Erin was gone and that Yates has got her.

Olivia and Amanda ran to Dodds' side to check his injuries. He waved them off with a hand. "I'm fine!"

"Your head is bleeding! You're not fine." Olivia said, looking over Dodd's head. "What happened?"

"We saw him!" Dodds didn't sound too good and if it was any other situation, Jay would've been concerned. "We saw Yates standing by the corner so we ran after him. I was getting close and Erin was behind me but when I turned the corner, he came out of nowhere and knocked me out." Dodds growled, obviously pissed that Yates had gotten one over him. "Damn it!"

"Focus!" Voight barked. "Then what happened?"

"I don't know!" Dodds shouted back. "I woke up a while later and Erin was gone! He has her!"

Jay bit out a few curses and started pacing—hands on his hips so he wouldn't attack Dodds again. "He has her!"

"Why did you guys come here?" Voight questioned.

"What are you talking about?" Dodds gave him a confused look. "You were the one who texted her about the fire."

"No, I didn't." Voight denied. "When did you guys get this text?"

"When we were at the hospital. Erin said she got a text from you. We came straight away and saw Yates."

"You saw his face?" Fin questioned.

Dodds shook his head. "No, he was wearing a hat but who else could it be? He was wearing scrubs and watching the fire. It was him! Especially now that he took Erin."

"This was a set-up!" Jay snarled. "He planned this. He spoofed those messages to you and Erin," he said to Voight. "This is his old trick. He had this all planned!" Jay's heart was racing, fear and anger coursing through him. He tried to stop himself from thinking about the last time Yates had kidnapped someone he knew. The memories of finding Nadia's body on the beach ran through his mind and he wanted to throw up or to punch something—possibly both right now.

"Guys!" Adam shouted as he hung up his phone, grabbing everyone's attention. "That was Platt. They located Lindsay's radio. It's here!"

Jay stalked closer to Adam. "What do you mean it's here?"

"The GPS said the radio she used to call in on has her location here, somewhere." Adam explained, looking around. "Maybe in the warehouse!"

"Alright, fan out!" Voight shouted. Jay set out, hoping that the radio was actually on Erin and that Yates didn't leave it behind on purpose to trick them. They can't afford to waste any time.

* * *

He searched the alley—found nothing—and tried the doors on the side to get inside the warehouse. He growled when most of them were locked. He tried another door and found it unlocked. "Hey!" He whispered, getting Adam's attention and signaled with his head at the unlocked door. "Here!" Adam nodded, providing back up for Jay as he entered through the door, into the warehouse.

Jay entered the dark warehouse—flashlight and gun ready in hand—and took quiet footsteps forward. Adam's hand was on his shoulder—letting Jay know he's watching his back—and the two searched through the warehouse. Drops of sweat fell from his forehead and his heart pounded as he searched through the crates and boxes, desperate to find Erin. "Come on, come on!" he muttered to himself as he moved about, coming up empty. Not seeing Erin.

They made their way further in, their loud breathing the only sound inside the warehouse.

"Hey!" Adam shouted, getting Jay's attention. "There!"

Jay turned to where Adam was pointing was at and his heart stopped when he spotted Erin, lying on the floor—unconscious. He raced over to her immediately and knelt down by her body. "Erin!" She didn't respond and he brought his shaking fingers to her pulse point—praying to find a pulse. Just praying that he wasn't too late. Only a slight relief made its way to his chest when he felt her pulse—steady.

"We spotted Lindsay!" he heard Adam shouting into his radio. "She's inside the warehouse! We need medic."

"Copy!" Voight's loud voice responded through the radio.

Adam came closer to him, kneeling down beside him. "Is she…?" His body sagging in relief at Jay's confirmation that she was alive.

"Erin," Jay's voice was unsteady as he gently shook her shoulder. "Erin, can you hear me?" he tried again, trying not to linger at the blood on her forehead. She was alive, she would be okay. He needed to repeat that to himself. Anything else, they can deal with.

Erin groaned softly and stirred. He felt a bit of reprieve at her regaining consciousness. "Hey hey!" he placed his hand on her shoulder, trying to get her to stay still when she tried to sit up. "Easy, don't move. You're okay. You're fine." He repeated several times, rubbing her back.

"What happened?" her shaky voice asked. She brought her hand to her forehead and grimaced at the blood she found there. Jay took her hand in his and gave it a squeeze. "Dodds!" She jerked her body, remembering her partner. "He was hurt. He was bleeding. Did you guys find him? Is he okay?"

"He's fine," he threw out, gritting his teeth in anger at how Dodds was incapable for having Erin's back. If he was more rational at the moment, maybe he can understand that it wasn't Dodds' fault and how easy it is for Yates to get the jump on them. But rationality was the furthest thing from his mind right now. It was too occupied with making sure Erin was okay. "Where's the medic?" he asked Ruzek, who was hovering behind them, obviously wanting to give he and Erin some room.

"They're a few minutes out," Hank shouted as the rest of the team made their way to them. Voight and Olivia knelt down, checking Erin's condition.

"I'm okay," she waved them off. She tried to sit up, ignoring their insistence to lay still. "Really, I'm okay." She reached for Jay's hand. Jay immediately held her hand, helped her sit up and leaned her back against the crate behind her. He gingerly placed his hand on her neck—holding himself back from showing too much affection in front of other people—just taking comfort at the sensation of her steady pulse, a reminder that she was okay and was still here with him.

"You're bleeding kiddo," Hank retorted. "You're not okay."

"Is that how you got knocked out?" Olivia questioned, holding Erin's hand. "Did you hit your head?"

Erin closed her eyes, thinking back to what happened. "No, well…I don't know. He pulled me by my hair and banged my head against the dumpster. But I think it was the chloroform that knocked me out."

"He drugged you too?" Yates was a dead man. Erin nodded.

"I tried to fight him off but I couldn't," Erin admitted, weakly. Jay frowned at hearing the weakness in her voice, like Erin was blaming herself for not being to fight him off.

"It's not your fault," Olivia comforted Erin. Jay agreed with Olivia, glad to have the older woman there. He knew Erin trusted Olivia and respected the hell out of her. He knew she'd be able to get through to Erin that this wasn't her fault. "You're safe. That's all that matters right now okay?"

"How's Dodds?" she asked about her partner again. Jay remained quiet, thinking it's best to let Olivia gave her the answer, knowing Erin would be able to read the misplaced anger in Jay's voice at the mention of the Sergeant.

"He's fine. He'll be okay." Olivia assured her. "He's just worried about you."

"The medic's here," Kim broke through the crowd leading the medic and the team made way for Sylvie to get through to attend to Erin. Jay reluctantly retracted his hand from Erin to give them room, knowing Sylvie was better equipped to help Erin. That was all he cared about but he still hovered near them, unable to leave her side for longer distance.

He watched silently as Sylvie worked on Erin, Erin explaining what happened. Erin grimaced a little as Sylvie dabbed a cotton pad on her forehead, the alcohol probably stinging the wound. After a couple of minutes, Sylvie started putting her kit away.

"It looks like the injuries aren't that serious," she started explaining to Erin and the group. "But as you got a head injury, I still think it's better for you to go to the hospital and get a CT scan. Get it checked out and make sure. Also you said you weren't exposed to chloroform for that long but I still want you to get checked out to make sure there aren't any long term damage."

"Really, I don't think that's necessary. I feel okay now." Jay frowned at Erin's stubbornness.

"Erin, you're going to the hospital," Hank cut in. "That's an order."

"Okay, let's her on the stretcher," Sylvie told her partner as she brought the board over.

"Oh no," Erin protested. "I'll give in and go to the hospital but I'm not going in the bus and I'm not getting on the stretcher."

She glared the best she could at Voight and Olivia, not backing down.

"Erin," Jay bent down to get her attention. "Just don't fight us on this okay? Listen to Sylvie and make sure you're really okay." Jay pleaded. Erin looked at him for a few seconds before she sighed. She muttered a small 'okay' and allowed the medics to get her transported to Chicago Med.

"I'll ride with her," Olivia stated, following the stretcher. "Work the scene. I'll let you know as soon as there's any update." She promised as they made their way out of the warehouse. Jay could only look at the stretcher carrying his heart rolled away, the uneasiness still weighing down his chest.

* * *

Jay watched as the forensic dusted the dumpster for fingerprints, his mind racing. His brain knew that Erin would be okay; that despite the worst case scenario that could've happened, she got off easy in comparison. A concussion at worst, a few stitches at best. But he was having a difficult time reconciling that part of his brain with the dread in his heart. The clash of the rational and emotional.

It had been a close call, like they got away with one too easily. When he first heard that Erin had been taken by Yates, the worst case scenarios started running through his head. Like Yates dragging Erin in his car, driving to another states—her thrown in the trunk—rape, torture before finally murder. He rubbed his face, trying to force those thoughts out. He reminded himself that it was okay, she was okay. That for some reason Yates hadn't taken her far away like he feared.

"Hey, we found something," Kevin told him and the two walked over where Voight, Antonio and Olinsky were standing. "Serge, we found another note." Kevin informed them, holding up the small piece of paper.

_See how easy it was for me to get to Detective Lindsay?  
We're just starting to have fun. _

"He wanted us to find her, find this note." Jay concluded. "He set this all up. This was a note for _us._" Yates was taunting them, that it was easy for him to get Erin whenever he wanted. That he left her alive on purpose, that there was something more sinister he has planned.

"Serge," Jay turned to Voight, hands on his hips in an angry stance. "When we caught this son of a bitch, give me five minutes with him. I guarantee he won't make it out this time." He gritted, his eyes blazing with fury.

Voight exchanged a look with Al before turning back to him—hands tucked in his vest. "Get in line, kid."


	10. Chapter 10

Enjoy~!

* * *

Chapter 10

"Will you stop that? You're giving me a headache and I'm not even the one with the concussion here," Will complained, annoyed at Jay pacing back and forth in the small hospital room. Jay turned his head swiftly and glared at his brother, challenging the doctor with his eyes to test his patience again. Will smirked, getting the reaction he expected from Jay.

Erin chuckled, amused at seeing the brothers' interaction. Will returned attending to her wound, applying a couple of butterfly stitches to the cut on her forehead. He tried to give her his whole focus but she knew he kept on getting distracted. Jay—whose heavy boots clomping and clunking on the spotless hospital floor and low growls—could've been mistaken for an agitated pitbull.

"Seriously Jay," Will grunted, "If you don't stop pacing like a caged animal, I'm gonna kick you out." Jay crossed his arms and cocked his head at Will, daring his brother to kick him out of the hospital room. "I'm not scared of you." Will said, defiant.

Jay snarled. "Will you just get back to your work? And pay full attention. I don't need you messing up because you're too distracted."

"I would if I could focus on my patient and not on you pacing like an animal and watching me like a hawk," Will snapped. "I know what I'm doing."

Jay sneered his lips, shooting Will a dirty look. He walked closer to the bed and leaned close to Erin. "How bad is it?"

Will applied the last butterfly stitch on her forehead and gave her a smile. "The wound is not bad at all. Just let the bandages do their job and she'll be good as new."

"_She_," Erin emphasized, not appeased with how they're talking about her as if she wasn't in the room, "is grateful for your help, Will." At least Will had the decency to look sheepish.

"She's really gonna be okay? How about the rest of the bruises?" Jay asked, still looking over the head wound as if he can force it to heal immediately if he stared at it hard enough. Will glanced over at Erin, rolling his eyes to show how he thought Jay was being ridiculous. Erin snickered.

"Jay, I'm fine," Erin tried to diffuse the situation. She could tell Will was going from amused at Jay's antics and crossing over to being irritated. The last thing she needed was two Halstead brothers fighting and arguing, she already had a big enough of a headache.

Jay ignored her words, checking over her cut and trailing his eyes down to the rest of her body not hidden by the hospital gown, beginnings of bruises and scratches making their appearances. His eyes rested on the darkening marks on Erin's neck, evidence of Yates' fingerprints and let out another frustrated growl.

"Okay, that's it." Will stated. "You're agitating my patient and my patience. You need to leave." Will pointed his finger to the door, kicking Jay out. Jay scoffed in disbelief and Will pointed to the door again. Jay looked to Erin, as if she would stop Will from kicking him out.

"Erin?" Jay said as though he was expecting her to stand up for him.

Erin sighed and grabbed his arm that was hanging by his side. "Jay," she pacified, "I'll be okay here. You should go get some air or some coffee." She felt bad at the look Jay shot her, almost as if she betrayed him by agreeing with Will. "Please."

Jay looked at her—a mix between irked and concerned—and finally relented, giving into her wish. "Fine!" he grunted. "I'll be right outside." He pointed his finger at Will. "Take care of her."

Will rolled his eyes for the umpteenth time that night. "We're just waiting for her CT scan results. I'm just going to clean the rest of her bruises and scratches and she'll rest her eyes for a bit until the results come in. It's not exactly brain surgery Jay. I think I got it."

Jay looked unamused at Will's sarcastic remarks but ignored them. Erin smiled as he bent down to place a kiss on the side of her head. "I'll be right outside okay? Just call me if you need me." Erin nodded and watched as Jay gave her one last look before walking out to the hallway.

"Sorry about him," Will offered as he cleaned the scratches on her arms with alcohol wipes. "He's just a worry wart."

Erin frowned. "No, I'm sorry. I'm sure he didn't mean to make it sound like you didn't know how to do your job."

Will waved her apology off. "Please, he knows how good I am," he teased. "But I guess I can't exactly blame him, I am handling precious cargo here."

Erin actually blushed but tried to hide it by giving Will a soft smack on the arm. "I am not an object!" But she couldn't hold the scowl on her face for long before her face broke out in a smile. Will chuckled.

"No I'm serious," he argued. "Jay will kill me if I let anything bad happen to you under my care."

"Well then I guess it's a good thing it's not brain surgery then huh?"

Will turned serious. "Yeah," he agreed. "I heard it was a close call. I don't know how Jay will react if anything worse happened." Erin pursed her lips. She was trying so hard to not think of what could've happened. She was trying to focus on how lucky she has gotten this time, that for whatever reason Yates hadn't kidnapped her or killed her. Instead he had left her alive with nothing but bruises and scratches. She needed to count her blessings and vowed to not let her guard down so easily next time. She wouldn't give Yates the chance to get to her again, not if she could help it.

"He really cares about you, you know?" Will's words broke her out of her thoughts. "I know you're not really too fond when people fuss over you but he's just acting like this because he cares." He paused for a bit. "Me too," he admitted. "I'm glad nothing worse happened to you."

Erin nodded. She knew but she still appreciated Will's words. She knew that Will still wasn't 100% happy with her and her treatment of his brother but she could also tell that he was trying to get past it, to forgive her just as easily as Jay seemed to have.

"I care about him too," Erin confessed. "I know that you might not believe me and I can't exactly blame you but I promise you, however deep you think his feelings run towards me, I feel the same way about him."

"I believe you," he returned. "Besides how big of a hypocrite will I be if I hold a grudge against you for leaving when I've done the same?" Erin knew he was still carrying around the guilt about their mother and his running off. She wished there was something she could say to help him. Will gave her a sad smile—a shared understanding—and directed his attention back to her bruises. "So you guys seemed to have made a lot of progress in your relationship." He said, casually while dabbing more alcohol wipes on the cuts on her arms. She grimaced at the stinging sensation, surprised by just how many cuts she had managed to get while struggling for her life. She heard the question in Will's remark, a subtle attempt to get information on the new development in her and Jay's relationship. But Erin didn't know how to answer. She was confused herself.

They have made progress since she had arrived back in Chicago—she couldn't believe it had only been a week—and she appreciated every inch and mile that Jay gave her. But still she knew they still had a long way to go, to move past everything and return to the place where they were. She didn't even know if he wanted them to go back there anyways. They had gotten close the past two days—falling asleep together both nights—especially last night when she had opened up to him about her time in New York and the reason why she had kept her distance. If she was truly honest with herself, she was expecting a kiss and was disappointed when it didn't happen. Jay seemed content with platonic kisses on her forehead, her face—basically everywhere except where she wanted his lips the most. She tried not to read too much into it, just kept reminding herself to give him time. He had said enough for her to know how he felt about her and she trusted his words. She ignored Will's inquiry, pretending she didn't know his attempt to dig for info. Will seemed to have gotten the hint and didn't push further.

"Okay, that's the last of it," he said as he started putting the items away and took off his gloves. "The results of your CT scan should be coming online anytime soon." He started to stand up before pausing, getting Erin's full attention. "Just….." he hesitated. "Just don't hurt him again."

She reached over to hold Will's hand. "I have no intention to hurt Jay. That's the last thing I want to do." Her earnest answer seemed to satisfy Will enough. He nodded and walked over to the computer to check on her results.

* * *

Jay being kicked out of the hospital room didn't deter his pacing, he just now did it in a different location—in the hospital waiting room. Back and forth, hands on hips, boots clomping on the ground. He paid no mind to the rest of the party sitting in the chairs, waiting for update—to show Erin that they were there for her. Jay had somehow finagled his way into her hospital room earlier before Voight, Olivia and even Kim. But now he was exiled from her room. It wasn't as though he didn't trust Will to do his job—he knew his brother was an excellent doctor—but Jay was just having a hard time relieving the weight that had settled in his chest. He couldn't stop his mind from dwelling on what could've happened or what could actually happen in the future if they don't find Yates soon and stop him.

He felt eyes on him and he knew his Sergeant was studying him closely. He knew Voight would be trying to figure out how or if his relationship with Erin had changed in ways he didn't approve. But Jay no longer cared about what Voight thought or wanted. He respected his Sergeant and even liked the hard ass but he had vowed a long time ago that he would no longer let Voight dictate his love life. If he and Erin had decided to resume their relationship—he hoped they would—then it would be their choice.

Amanda returned to join him, Voight, Olivia and Kim in the waiting room—the rest of the team going back to the precinct. "So looks like Dodds will be fine. Just a couple of stitches and he got a concussion." She informed the group. Olivia and Kim looked relieved and even Voight had managed to look like he cared about the Sergeant—something Jay couldn't bother doing.

He knew his anger towards Dodds was misplaced, undeserved and unfair but he couldn't help himself. But he still took in the information to relay to Erin later—knowing she would be worrying about her partner and would appreciate knowing that he was fine.

"How's Lindsay?" Amanda asked, having been away to be with Dodds to get any updates about Erin.

"She'll be fine too," Kim answered. "Just a couple of cuts and bruises. They're still waiting for the results of her CT scan."

"That's good," Amanda said, sitting down next to Olivia in relief. "Looks like we got lucky."

"This time," Olivia added. "We got lucky this time."

Jay turned to the Lieutenant. "Yeah, because that's how Yates wanted it," he stated. "And we gave him exactly what he wanted. We fell for his trap!"

"Next time, we won't," Olivia argued. "We'll be one step ahead of him. We'll get him."

Jay scoffed to himself, thinking it was easier said than done.

* * *

"Thanks," Erin said as Jay unlocked and widened his door to let her in. She had been finally allowed to leave Chicago Med after hours of tests and waiting. Thankfully Will had delivered the good news that she only had mild concussion and she would be back to 100% after a good day of rest. The rest of her cuts and bruises would take more time but would eventually fade—leaving no scars. All she wanted was to lie down and let the long day be over even though it was only dusk outside. But the daylight was gone, leaving Jay's place dim and cozy. She appreciated the soft lights of Jay's bedroom as he ushered her in—a welcome contrast from the bight white lights of the hospital that added to her headache.

"You want a shower?" Erin shook her head, informing Jay of Will's instruction to not let her bandages get wet. He still seemed visibly upset when his eyes landed on the aforementioned butterfly stitches on her forehead but Erin could tell he was doing his best to control his emotions to not upset her. "You want something to eat then?"

"No, I'm not really hungry," Erin replied. "I just want to lie down," She said, stopping his protest at her refusal of food. "Can….can I borrow another one of your shirt?" she asked sheepishly. He immediately nodded and walked over to his dresser to pull out another one of his Henley and p.j pants, like the one he offered her two nights ago. She gave him a smile of appreciation as he walked closer to her, his clothes in his hands.

She took her coat off and slowly lifted her arms to take her shirt off, grimacing when pain shot through her. "Ow!" she let out, involuntarily, the aches and pains of her injuries taking their effect. He frowned at her pain as though he was in pain himself. Erin put her arms down—shirt still on—trying to breath through it before attempting again to discard her clothes so she can change into something more comfortable.

Jay stepped closer to her, getting her attention and she waited as he gulped before softly asking, "may I?" Erin slowly nodded, granting him permission and he gently grabbed the bottom of her shirt and slowly pulled it up her arms, discarding the item onto the floor. His eyes lingered on the slopes of her bra-clad breasts and the smooth skin of her stomach before gazing further down. Then his fingers slowly undid her jeans button and he bent down on his knees, his eyes looking up to bore into hers. She felt her mouth dry as he softly pulled her jeans down her legs—agonizingly slow—and she stepped out of the garment. He tossed that over to the side, joining her shirt and his fingers returned to her smooth legs, trailing up and down—leaving tantalizing goose bumps on her skin. She felt a familiar feeling of heat and butterflies in her stomach as she stood only in her lace bra and underwear—a sensation only his touch could create—when Jay stood up, fingers now trailing up her side, and tenderly gripped her waist.

She felt no pain, no hint of discomfort from her injuries. Instead of feeling the chill in the room at being so exposed, all she felt was heat from the electricity that was coursing through her from his touch, the feel of his fingers on her body leaving heated prints. His eyes were boring into hers, gazing at her with nothing but yearning, desire and love. His thumb gently grazed the bruises on her stomach and she watched as the look on his face turned from lust to torment when his eyes landed on the darkening marks. She slightly pouted when she saw a tight frustrated pull came over his mouth.

She leaned forward—abandoning her resolve to give Jay time and let him dictate the pace of their relationship—and captured the tight worried frown of his lips with hers, to take his pain and fear and replace it with something sweeter. The suddenness of her action only took him by surprise for a second before he returned her affection with fervor of his own—quickly sinking into the kiss. She shuddered at the intensity of the kiss—his mouth prying her lips open—and she was in total bliss. She gripped his shoulders and clung onto him as if she couldn't get close enough to him. She couldn't stop herself from letting out a soft moan as he delicately sunk his tongue, exploring her mouth, and his hands held her face, running his fingers on her jaw. She opened her mouth wider, granting him more access and she gripped his shirt when he gently sucked on her tongue, sending pleasure shooting through from her head to her toes. She had missed this so much, the softness of his lips, the taste of his kisses and the gentleness of his touch that only he could offer.

They reluctantly pulled apart when the demand for oxygen became too great to ignore and he rested his forehead on hers, both of them panting. He leaned back in to give her a few more firm kisses, her face still in his hold. She couldn't stop herself from smiling, elation running through her and she breathed in his scent. It was like a dream come true for her, her desires and yearning over the past two years finally coming true.

"I'm sorry," Her smile fell at his apology.

"What are you sorry for?" she asked, voice nervous. Did he regret the kiss? Should she not have kissed him? Doubts started to fill her head as though she should not have made the first move.

Jay let out a shudder sigh and slowly peeled his forehead off of her to look her in the eyes. She watched uncertainty passed through his eyes as she held her breath, waiting for his answer. His hand remained on her face, the heat of the contact still giving her a rush. "You're injured and here I am, taking advantage of you."

She couldn't take the look of contempt that came over his face—Jay blaming himself, thinking he took advantage of her. She raised her hands to grip his face firmly—ignoring the aches that came with the move—and directed his eyes to her so she can make her feelings absolutely clear.

"Jay, I was the one who kissed you." she clarified. "If anything, I was the one who's taking advantage of you. " She bit her lips. "I tried to wait and let you set the pace but I couldn't resist you anymore. I kissed you because I wanted—no, needed—to kiss you."

He looked at her as though he was searching for any doubts or lies in her words, a smile slowly coming over his lips when he didn't find any. He bent his head down and soft recaptured her lips with his. She smiled into the kiss, the franticness of the previous kiss now being abandoned in favor of more languid kiss—their lips moving slowly to give them time to re-explore each other's mouths. She could melt into the kiss and forever revel in the soft sucks and nips Jay was administering to her.

"I wanted to kiss you the second you walked into the bullpen," he confessed when he pulled away from her. "I wanted to kiss you the past two mornings when I woke up next to you."

"So why didn't you?"

He gave her a quick kiss before answering. "I didn't want to push you." She let out a small chuckle. She shouldn't have been surprised that Jay was putting her first. But the small doubt that she had in her heart of Jay not kissing her because he wasn't ready—or worse because he didn't want to—went away at his words. "When I saw you on the ground earlier, I almost lost it. The thought of never being able to kiss you again…I wouldn't be able to take it," he confessed, revealing a small part of his fear.

"Jay, I'm okay. I'm here," She gripped his shoulder, letting him feel her strength and grounding him in her presence. "And I definitely wanted you to kiss me," she admitted, enjoying the pleased look that came over Jay's face. "There's nothing I wanted more."

He let out a titter, pecking her forehead and letting his lips stay on her skin. "I should be the one comfort and reassuring you but you are the one doing it for me."

She pulled away so she can look into his eyes. "I don't mind. We can comfort each other." She wanted to give as much as she got from Jay.

That seemed to be all the reassurance that Jay needed to kiss her again, this time with more assurance and affirmation—all traces of hesitancy and uncertainty gone. She followed his lead as he guided them back slowly toward his bed, lips never disconnecting as she slowly laid down—Jay following her. His lips left hers only to direct its attention to her neck, his tongue gently licking the skin. Goosebumps made their way back on her skin when he became bolder and began sucking her neck. She tightened the hold she had on his back, pressing him closer to her—spoiling his attempt to not put his full weight on her. She needed his body on her—she needed to feel the weight—so she knew for sure that it wasn't just another one of her dream where she'd woke up flushed but alone; but that it was a dream come true, a reality where she's deriving pleasure from Jay that she could only dreamed about for the past two years.

He trailed kisses up her neck to her jaw before landing on her eager lips. She couldn't get enough of this—enough of him. So when he pulled back and lifted his weight off of her, she found herself chasing his lips, raising her back to do so. He rested his head on her chest, his breaths leaving shivers between the valley of her breasts. He was breathing hard, trying to get himself under control, his arms lifting slightly so he wasn't crushing her with his weight.

"Why'd you stop?" She couldn't stop the whine from making it into her question. He chuckled, her chest feeling the shake of his body. He lifted his head and looked at her.

"You're injured. I don't want to hurt you more."

"You won't," she insisted, wanting his lips again. Instead, he hovered over her and administered butterfly kisses on her forehead, her eyelids and her nose before getting up. She immediately felt the loss of heat at his action, noticing the chills in the room for the first time. She shivered slightly as she watched him grab the shirt he took out for her and made his way back over to the bed—to her.

She pouted slightly as he stood between her legs, waiting for her to get up. She reluctantly obliged and he helped her put on his Henley to protect her from the cold. He cradled her face in his hand and gave her a searing kiss on the lips.

"Trust me Erin, there's nothing I want more," his eyes trailed down to his legs, emphasizing the evidence of his desire for her. "But you have a concussion. I'm pretty sure strenuous activity is on the list of what not to do." He wiggled his brows at the insinuation.

She scrunched her nose. "It's a mild concussion. I can take the risk."

He grazed her lips with his thumb. "I won't. Not when it comes to you." He gave her one more kiss. She pulled herself up and scooted back so she was leaning against the headboard of his bed. He walked over and got into the other side and joined her under the covers. She turned to face him and he pulled her into his arms. She breathed in his scent, hands on his chest. He leaned back down to kiss her again—his fingers leaving caresses on the back of her neck.

"Get some rest," he whispered into her skin as his lips rested on her forehead. "I'll be here." She smiled at his promise, letting the tiredness finally take over her and drifted off to sleep.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

The weight on Jay's arms was a welcome feeling, even if the said weight killed his ability to feel the arm itself. After a couple of years of waking up by himself without Erin by his side, he was more than grateful to get a mouthful of her hair first thing in the morning. Little things. Ones that he took for granted and only realized what he had when it was gone.

He removed the offending strands of hair that had managed to get in his mouth and smiled to himself as he looked down at the sleeping owner of the said offense. He felt like he was waking up in a dream—like Erin Lindsay couldn't have possibly be in his arms for the third night in a row. That he was getting what he was missing for the past two years. He placed his lips on the top of her head, the scent of her shampoo reminding him that she was real and that she was here. He teared his lips from her head to get a more complete look—eyes tracing over her dreaming eyelids, fluttering side to side, to the high bridge of her nose then to the slight open pout of her pink lips. His eyes stayed on those lips for a bit longer, recalling the events of last night and the tent that he woke up with this morning at having her body pressed to him.

Erin had kissed him. Kissed him with so much intensity and passion that he returned and he was thankful towards to his time in the Rangers for the self-control he had managed to display last night. It was hard—both literally and figuratively—to not take things further and to abandon all qualms and hesitations and just go all the way. To throw all caution to the wind and let he and Erin become one again.

Instead he settled for breathtaking kisses, more than pleased with the step they had taken last night in their evolving relationship. He wouldn't be able to live with himself if he had accidentally hurt her by moving too fast—both physically and emotionally. No, this was too important to him to possibly ruin it by falling into bed too carelessly. So he pulled his eyes away from her lips and resisted the temptation to kiss her again.

Instead his eyes landed on the bruises on her neck, evidence of what she went through yesterday. He felt the tension crawling up him again at the sight—the crippling fear that he felt when he found Erin unconscious, bleeding on the floor. He hated that feeling, the complete helplessness and inability to do anything. He gently brought his lips to the offending marks, placing the softest of kisses on them so he wouldn't break her out of her peaceful slumber.

But he had failed when she began to stir and opened her eyes—the greens of her hazel eyes shining bright in the morning sunlight. "Sorry," he muttered. "I didn't want to wake you up." She didn't look angry or displeased at being woken up. Instead she pressed herself closer to him and took his lips in hers, breathing his warmth in.

"You can wake me up like that anytime you want," she said but Jay knew that to be false—he knew better from his past experiences to let sleeping Erin sleep. "Well, most of the times." She added, grinning. "What time is it?"

Jay looked over Erin's shoulder to the alarm clock resting on the nightstand. "Almost 9 in the morning."

Erin groaned. "I can't believe I slept that long." She began to pull away, leaving Jay discontent. "We need to get up."

"No I need to get up. You need to stay in bed," he corrected. He didn't want to get up and would rather spend the day next to Erin in bed but the faster they caught Yates, the safer she'll be.

"I'm not spending the day in bed," Erin protested. "I'm going with you to the station."

Jay shook his head. "Erin, Will said you needed to rest for at least a day. You're not going to work. Doctor's order."

"Correction: Will said I needed to take it easy but he didn't specify where. I can just as easily take it easy at the precinct as I can here." she argued, smirking slightly.

"Pretty sure we can call Will right now and he'll agree with me," Jay shot back. "You're the only person I know that would rather be at a police station than a bed. Is my bed not comfortable?"

Erin scooted closer to Jay, resting her palms on his chest. "Not as comfortable without you in it." the morning raspiness of her voice and her words were doing things to him. "Besides, you're really rather leave me here all by myself when you can have me by your side all day and watch over me?"

He knew she was goading him, playing into his protective streak and he gave her a glower. She shot him an innocent look right back. "I know what you're doing Erin," he grumbled.

"But you admit I have a good point right?" Erin countered.

Erin smiled widely at him when she saw him giving in. He gripped her hand. "But you're taking it easy okay? Just desk work."

She nodded. "Deal," she closed the negotiation with a kiss.

* * *

Erin was in a good enough mood that she let him use the bathroom first—a rare feat for her so he took advantage of the rare privilege. By the time she came out of the bathroom—ready for the day—he already had coffee and croissant waiting for her, as a thank you.

"Wow," she said as she approached him by the kitchen counter. "That's for me?"

"Who else?" he smiled when she gave him a quick kiss as a show of appreciation.

"Smells good," she complimented as she sipped on her coffee and grabbed a croissant. "You're spoiling me with the fancy coffee everyday. You went downstairs for this?"

He shook his head. "They deliver."

She gave him an impressed look. "Wow, fancy coffee and pastries delivered to your front door. I could get used to this." She commented off-handedly as she devoured her breakfast. A grin came over Jay's face as his chest filled with happiness at her comment. He was already getting used to this again and it had only been three days.

"We should stop by the coffeehouse on our way to the station. I want to grab something for Mike." Erin said. She gave him a curious look when she caught his expression—one of displeasure. "What?"

"Nothing," Jay answered. "Yeah, you should grab him something." He continued, voice flat.

Erin stopped mid-bite and put her food down. "Okay, what's going on? I thought you were fine with Dodds but clearly you seemed mad at him for something? Did something happen between you two that I don't know about?"

Jay shrugged her question off. "Nothing happened. I'm glad the guy's fine."

Erin scoffed at his answer. "Yeah okay," she said, clearly not buying his answer. "That's why you've had that look on your face whenever his name comes up."

"What look?"

Erin demonstrated the look by scrunching her nose—brows furrowing to emphasize the expression.

"Okay, I've never made that face in my life," Jay protested. "I don't think I can even contort my face like that." he tried to imitate her expression. "See? I can't."

Erin laughed at his attempt. "Yeah maybe not exactly that face but I know you're not happy with him. What's going on Jay?"

Jay thought about his answer. "I just think he should've done a better job watching your back, that's all." He shrugged. "He's supposed to be your partner and he left you completely defenseless." From the information Jay had gotten, he had come to the conclusion that Dodds had abandoned Erin in their chase of Yates and left her behind. That was inexcusable to Jay who felt as though Dodds should've waited for Erin and both of them should've went after him together. Maybe then Yates wouldn't have had the opportunity to take them both by surprise and gotten both of them injured.

Erin walked closer to Jay and took his hand. "Jay, it wasn't Dodds' fault." The soft strokes of her fingers doing their best to soothe him. "Yates just got the jump on us, that's all. You know that it could've happened to anyone. So what's really going on?"

Jay sighed, entwining his fingers with hers. "Maybe I'm just jealous." He admitted.

Erin gave him a confused look. "You know there's nothing going on between us. We're just partners. I don't see Dodds like that."

Jay quickly stopped her. "No, I know that. I don't mean jealous like that. I'm more jealous that he's your partner and I'm not anymore." If Jay was completely honest with himself, it was the reason why he had been angry towards Dodds and didn't care much for the Sergeant.

"Lots have changed," Erin said in a quiet voice. She sounded wistful, much like he was feeling. While he was thrilled that he and Erin had reconciled romantically, he had missed being her partner—being able to be the one to watch her back and for her to watch his. He'd missed how they spent hours, riding together and on stakeouts. He knew there was no way he'd let Yates get to Erin if he was still her partner—which had been the root of his anger towards Dodds. While others might have felt that spending all day at work then all night at home together might've been a bit too much, it certainly wasn't the case for him and Erin. Hailey was a good partner—a good of a partner he could've gotten that wasn't Erin—but when it came down to it, she was almost a consolation prize.

"Yeah," Jay agreed. "I guess it has."

Erin brought their joined hands to her lips. "But you still have my back right?"

"Always."

"That's all that matters then," she whispered before fusing their lips together.

* * *

Jay was glad that Erin had kept her promise and stuck to desk duty for the day. Both Voight and Olivia had tried their best to convince her to go home but they had failed, just like he had. So they had settled for her promise to stay on desk duty and to stay behind on following the lead they had gotten.

"What's Lindsay doing here? Shouldn't she be at home, resting?" Antonio asked him as a small group of them were getting ready in the roll-up to follow a lead about potential location of where Yates might be hiding.

"She promised to take it slow," Jay answered. "And she made a good point that we can keep better eyes on her if she was at the station than back at home."

"Ah," Antonio nodded. "So in other words, she played you," Antonio replied, knowingly.

"What? No!" Jay quickly denied, ignoring Ruzek and Atwater snickering in the background. "She just made a good point, that's all."

"Don't worry Halstead," Adam patted Jay's back. "We've always known that Lindsay wore the pants in the relationship." Jay gave him a glare.

Kevin licked his lips. "Oh like Burgess doesn't wear the pants in yours," he said, giving Jay a fist bump.

"Hey! At least I have a girl."

"Yeah, I guess I'll just have to wait until we get more women up in Intelligence," Kevin said. "You know follow in your footsteps, keep it in house."

"Whoever that girl is, I already feel sorry for her," Adam said, earning a punch from Kevin.

"Alright ladies. Time to stop chit chatting. Let's head out." Antonio ordered and the four of them grabbed their gears and walked out of the roll up.

* * *

"Lindsay, get in here." Erin got up and walked into Voight's office, curious at why she was being called in.

"What's going on?" she asked, looking at the serious faces on both Hank and Olivia's faces.

"Erin, Rollins, Dodds and Carisi are going back to New York," Olivia answered. "Rollins misses her children. And we've kind of hit a brick wall with the NYPD on the prison guard so we think it's better to have someone there to pressure them. Dodds can help out there too."

"Okay," Erin replied. "That's good." She was still a bit confused at why she was called into the office.

"We think that it might be a good idea if you go with them," Olivia told her, answering her question.

"What? No, I'm not going back to New York. Not until we get Yates," Erin crossed her arms.

"Erin," Voight started. "We want to put some distance between you and the case, especially after yesterday."

"No!" she refused. "I'm not running away from this. You can't take me off of this."

"We're not taking you off of the case Erin. They are flying back as soon as something comes up or we need them back. And you can help out, help them investigate on the other side."

"I'm staying," Erin was determined to stay. She knew the whole spiel they were giving her was bogus. They wanted her off of the case or at least stay in the background—do menial work. "You're not gonna convince me to leave."

Hank and Olivia exchanged looks with one another, like they were expecting this and relented. "Okay, but you need to remember that you follow our orders," Hank said. "We want you to do something, you do it. You follow our instructions when it comes to the case. Got it?" Hank gestured her to go after she nodded.

"What was that about?" Kim asked as soon as Erin sat back down next to her, open files on display on the desk.

Erin sighed. "They wanted me to go back to New York with Amanda, Dom and Mike."

"Are you?"

Erin shook her head. "No way. I'm not going back until we catch him. I'm not running scared of Yates."

"Yeah, I wouldn't expect you to. You're not one to hide," Kim said then returned to her work. Erin shifted her head to look at Kim, her words giving her pause.

* * *

"Hey, you okay?" Jay asked when he arrived back to the district. Erin didn't need to ask to know if their lead paid off or not. The hunched shoulders answered all of her questions—the lead was useless, Yates was still in the wind.

"Yeah, I'm fine." Erin mumbled, not looking up from the file she was looking at. She felt Jay sit down next to her, elbows on the desk and bent his head down to catch her eyes.

"Then why do you look like there's something on your mind? You find something?"

Erin directed her eyes to Jay. "No," she shook her head. "It's just Dodds and Amanda are going back to New York and Voight and Olivia wanted me to go with them."

Jay raised his eyebrows. "Are you?" She caught the nervousness in his question—him asking if she was leaving again. She quickly shook her head.

"No," she said, turning her body towards him. "I'm not." She thought she saw relief flashed across Jay's eyes but her mind was too occupied.

"Okay, what else?" Jay questioned. "Erin, I know you enough to know there's something else bothering you. Tell me."

Erin sighed. "I don't know. it's just….Kim said something earlier that triggered something."

"What?"

"She said something about hiding and it just got me thinking, why would Yates feel the need to hide his face?" she shared. "Like every time we've seen him or we think we've seen him, he made sure we never saw his face." She watched as Jay took in her words. "Look, he's been leaving us these notes so obviously he wants us to know that it's him right? So then why bother hiding his face, wearing hats when we already know that it's his work?"

"That's a good point," Jay replied. "You think there's a chance it's a copy cat?"

"I don't know," Erin shrugged. "Maybe. Or maybe it's just more of his game. Wants to keep us on our toes." Erin was getting frustrated. They've spent days just pouring over files and records and nothing solid was popping up. She felt like she was wasting time, being useless especially now that she was on desk duty. She was afraid that while they remained twiddling their thumbs, there could be more victims.

"Guys," Platt called as she came up the stairs. "Lisa Brown's finance is downstairs. Said he's not leaving until he talks to one of you."

Erin got up. "I'll go, make myself useful." She said as she followed Platt downstairs.

* * *

Erin watched from top of the stairs as the man stared off into space ahead of him, clothes wrinkled and body hunched over. She saw a broken man even without seeing his face. She slowly approached the grieving man. "Mr. Sutton." He looked up when he heard her voice and her heart broke at the bloodshot eyes looking at her. "Can I help you with something?"

He rubbed his face. "I just buried my fiancé," he said, voice broken. "I thought we were supposed to spend the rest of our lives together but I just sat and watched as they lowered her body into the ground. The love of my life, gone," his voice choked up, tears streaming down his face. Erin felt terrible, watching him break down.

"I'm really sorry," Erin offered, taking a seat next to him. "We're doing everything we can to catch the guy that did this to Lisa."

"Are you?" he asked, voice starting to fill with venom. "Because he's still out there, running free after killing my fiancé. It's been how many days? How long until you guys catch him? A month? A year? Never?"

Erin didn't know how to comfort the man next to her, what to say to make him feel better—knowing that nothing she says will help. "We will catch him, I promise you."

He scoffed. "Yeah and how many more innocent women will die before you guys do?" he spat. "You guys are useless," he said. She couldn't stop him as he got up and walked out of the station, head down. She felt tears started in her eyes, doing her best to hold them back.

"Lindsay, you alright?" She nodded at Platt's question. Gritting her teeth, she turned and walked back up to Intelligence.

"What did he want?" Voight asked her when she entered the bullpen.

"Just wanted to know where we were at," Erin replied. "He just buried Lisa Brown and wanted an update on if we were about to catch Yates."

"Oh." Hank just nodded before turning around to head back into his office.

"Oh?!" Erin's voice bellowed, "That's it?"

Hank turned back around at her question and the rest of the team watched in silence. "What else is there? We're doing our best to catch Yates."

Erin crossed her arms. "Are we? Because I feel like all we've been doing is sitting around, just looking over useless files and footage. Wasting time!"

"We're looking for leads Lindsay!" Hank raised his voice. "We're not sitting on our asses. If you have any bright ideas to make Yates' location magically appear then feel free to share with the group."

"Yeah I do," she returned. "Me!"

"Not this again," Hank said, as he resumed walking back into his office.

"Yes this again!" Erin shouted to get Hank's attention back. "Use me as bait. We know he's after me. he wants me so let's give him what he wants." The answer was so obvious to Erin. Yates wanted her, he wanted revenge so why not give him a chance to get to her? She knew if she was used as bait, they can catch him and put him away for good.

"Erin," she tried to ignore Jay. Instead she focused her attention on Hank and Olivia who came out of his office to stand next to him.

"We're not using you as bait," Olivia said. "That's not an option Erin!"

"Why not?" she asked, getting frustrated. She was getting tired of being overprotected, she just wanted to do her job. "He wants revenge on me. We can draw him out, let him think he can get one on me, get his revenge and then we can just sweep in and grab him."

"It's too risky," Olivia replied.

"That's our job!" Erin shouted. She knew she was crossing the line of how she should talk to her superiors but she couldn't stop the frustration from coming out. Lisa's fiancé was right. How many more women would she have to watch get burned and killed before they can finally stop Yates? If her acting as a bait to trap him can save even one life, that was a risk she was more than willing to take. "Let me do my job! I don't want to be sitting around on desk duty while he is running around putting innocent women at risk for no reason other than his sick pleasure."

"I'm not telling you this again Lindsay," Voight stared her down. "You follow our orders here. Got it? You do what we tell you and when we say no, you don't argue. If you don't' like that then you can quit. We're not putting you up as bait, that's final." He and Olivia stalked back to his office, leaving an angry standing in the middle of the bullpen.

She took in several deep breaths, trying to calm herself down. She saw the rest of the team pretending to get back to what they were doing as though they didn't just watch her and Voight fight. She let out a grunt as she angrily made her way into the locker room.

* * *

She leaned her head against the locker, trying to calm herself. She was pissed at the dressing down Voight gave her even if it was deserved. All she wanted to do was to catch Yates and if she can do something to make it happen faster, why wouldn't they let her? Her life was not more valuable than those nurses or any other potential victims in the future? She signed up for this, signed up for the job that involved taking risks, where the promise of tomorrow was never guaranteed.

"What the hell was that?" She should've known Jay would follow her in and judging by his voice, he wasn't happy with her—not that she was expecting anything else.

"What?" she asked, lifting her head off the lockers to watch his angry body standing next to her, waiting for her to explain herself.

"What?" he asked in disbelief. "I'm talking about you putting yourself up on a platter. What the hell are you thinking Erin?"

"I'm thinking that I'm tired of this. I'm tired of watching Yates hurt people. And if I can do something to stop him then why not?"

Jay rubbed his face, clearly frustrated with her. "So am I Erin. So is everybody. But you don't put yourself at risk on purpose to catch him."

"I signed up for this job Jay," she argued. "We know all the risks that come with it."

"No, you signed up to protect people," he shot back. "You didn't sign up to become a prey for a predator."

She growled, irritated. "I don't need you and Voight treating me like I'm some kind of damsel in distress okay? I don't need that."

"We're not! We're just trying to stop you from doing something stupid!" Erin glared at his words. "And you offering yourself up to Yates, that's all of kinds of stupid."

Jay didn't even flinch when she slammed the locker in anger, probably expecting her anger. She ignored the pain that shot up her arm at the contact. "Fine," she bit out. "Let me get back to my desk duty and follow orders like a good girl." She spat at Jay as she walked out of the locker room.

* * *

They were both silent when they arrived back at Jay's place. It was past midnight and they had put in all the extra hours they could for the day. Voight had ordered everyone home to get some sleep. There was this tension that remained between him and Erin since their spat in the locker room and she was giving him the silent treatment. At least he could take comfort in the fact that he wasn't the only one that was on her shit list—she had apparently deemed Voight and Olivia as her enemy for the time being also.

Stubbornness wasn't exactly a new trait of Erin—he really shouldn't have been surprised by it at this point. Neither was recklessness, which is exactly what it would be if she had her way of offering herself up to Yates. But then again, he shouldn't be surprised by that either. How many times had he watched her go after someone on her own, where she abandoned her own well-being in order to catch the bad guy? He loved her, all of her—flaws and all—but she had blinders on when it came to her own safety.

"You hungry?" he asked, testing the water and hoping she had cooled down by now. While their reconciliation was still in the fragile state and he didn't want to rock the boat, this was something he wasn't going to back down from.

She didn't give him a verbal answer, instead opting to shake her head. "You need to eat something," he said. "I can order a pizza or Chinese." Another head shake. Jay tried to hold in his frustration. She really could drive him nuts sometimes. Drive him so crazy that he could punch the wall. "Erin," he said, voice tight.

She ignored his words and went into his bedroom. He followed her in and watched silently as she took off her coat and began undressing slowly—still favoring her injuries—and put on his Henley, her chosen nightwear. Then wordlessly, she went inside the bathroom and slammed the door shut. He let out a small groan of frustration and sat down on the edge of the bed, pulling his hair. This woman would be the death of him, he knew it.

He held onto that anger—that frustration—ready to fight her on this. However, when he saw the tiredness and bleakness on her face when she came out of the bathroom, his heart tugged. The anger disappeared and was replaced by the desire to take the frown and tilt it upside down. He got up and walked over to her, holding her by her shoulders. His optimism rose when she didn't fight him off and just looked at him to see what he'd do next. He gripped her shoulders and waited until she was looking in the eyes—to make what he was about to say absolutely clear.

"I love you," he said as he looked her in the eyes, voice steady and clear so she understood that he meant his words completely. "I'm in love with you Erin." Her eyes softened at his words and he knew that she got his sincerity.

"Jay, I lo.." she began but he placed his finger on her lips, silencing her for the moment.

"Let me just say this okay?" she nodded at his request and he returned his touch on her shoulders, rubbing slowly into the blades. "I'm so in love with you that it's ridiculous and it's scary," he confessed. "And when I hear you say things like putting yourself out there as bait, you have no idea how much it scares me. You being reckless and risking your life, it terrifies me. I can handle you leaving, I can handle you being far away from me. It's hard but as long as I know that you're alive and you're happy that's all I want. But the thought of you being gone, of losing you completely, I won't be able to handle that."

He watched her eyes begin to glisten at his words and she sniffled, trying to hold them back. But she remained silent, knowing he wasn't done yet. "What we have right now is fragile, I get that and the last thing I want to do is fight with you but you need to understand that I'm never gonna be okay with you putting yourself at risk unnecessarily. If that makes you pissed at me, I can take it. I'm gonna be honest with you, no matter what."

Erin gently held his face and he kissed her palm. "Jay, I'm completely in love with you too." He smiled at her words, flashing back to the first time she confessed her true feelings towards him. "I get how you're feeling because I feel the same about you. This—us—I'm scared too, but in the best way," he nodded, agreeing with her sentiments. "Jay, one of the things I love about you is that you've always accepted me for who I am, you've accepted every part of me—good and bad. I never feel like I have to be someone else around you because I know you won't judge me."

"I love every part of you, Erin."

"I know. I believe you. That's why I know that you understand why I want to do this. You hate the idea but you get why I want to stop Yates any way I can," she said, running her fingers through his stubble.

"We can catch him another way. We just need more time," he reasoned. "We are gonna catch him Erin. I won't stop until we do."

"I know."

"Remember what I said about sunny days?" Jay asked, referring to the conversation they had earlier about sticking by good times and bad. "That's our future Erin. That's the future I want, one that I'm not giving up. So I'm asking you to trust me, trust our team, that we can get Yates without you sacrificing yourself. Can you do that? Have faith?"

Erin gazed into his eyes, shining as much as hers and she gave him a small nod. "I trust you," she whispered as he leaned his forehead against hers. "We'll get him, another way," she conceded.

Jay smiled widely at her response and leaned in to kiss her, breathing her promise in. He ran his fingers through her hair as he deepened the kiss—a kiss that started out as a promise turning more passionate. She opened her mouth, letting him more access to his paradise and he kissed her deeper. She moaned softly as she gripped his arms and they began making their way towards his bed, lips still attached. Her legs hit the edge of the bed and he sat her down. She stared up at him with lustful eyes and he felt the heat growing in his pants. She tugged his shirt up, leaving him bare-chested and she ran her fingers through his abs. She leaned forward to place soft kisses on his stomach and he groaned in pleasure, her wet lips leaving tantalizing sensation on his skin. He tugged at her hair as her lips hovered above the top of his jeans, her fingers flying to unclasped the button of his tightening jeans.

He pulled back at the action and she looked up at him in surprise. He wanted to wipe away the look of self doubt she had, like he didn't want this. That was the total opposite. "Why did you stop?"

He took in a couple of deep breaths to control himself. "I don't want to hurt you."

Erin stood up, placing her hands on his chest. "You won't. I'm not a fragile doll. You can never hurt me," she said, looking at him with earnest eyes. "You want sunny days? Our future?" he nodded imperceptibly. "I want it to start now. Let our future start now," she whispered before capturing his lips.

He took the kiss as permission. He could no longer hold back his desire as he cupped her face, gripping her jaws to kiss her harder. He worked to pry her lips apart more, to explore her mouth completely. Her arms tightened around him and he pressed her closer to him. He pulled his lips from her to redirect them to her neck, tracing the pulse point and sucking the sensitive skin. She moaned as he continued sucking her neck, pushing her back on the bed. He pulled back only to slowly lift her shirt off, leaving her only in her underwear. His eyes blazed with desire at the sight of her bare chest and he watched silently as her fingers began to tug his open jeans down. He decided to help her out by pulling his pants all the way down, stepping out of them and only remaining in his boxer. She settled back on the bed and waited as he followed her, his body hovering over her.

He ran his fingers gently on her face, looking for any hint of hesitancy but finding none, only lust filled eyes. He kissed her again, lips trailing down from her lips, to her neck and finally her breasts, taking the perfect slope in his mouth. She let out sounds of pleasure at his ministrations, urging him to increase the pressure. She whined as he took his mouth off but quickly gave a hum of approval when he redirected his attention on placing soft butterfly kisses on her stomach, slowly inching down. He peeled off her underwear slowly, revealing all of her. She twitched when he placed the lightest of kiss at her core, the soft breath tickling her. He smiled when her impatience started to show as she pulled him up by his shoulder to return his mouth to hers. "Off," she ordered, hands going to his boxer to remove the said garment. He chuckled as he complied, preening when he saw the look of approval in her eyes at his body. "Mmm," she hummed, as she sat her body up on her elbow.

Her hazy eyes urged him to return to her quickly, sealing his lips over hers again, tongues swirling against each other. She mewled at the increasing intensity, hands gripping him tighter to her, all parts of their body touching—leaving no space in between. He peppered kisses on her neck, her collarbone, before flicking his tongue on her pink nipples, feeling them starting to get taut from the heat.

Jay continued teasing her body, tasting every inch he could, leaving his own trail of kisses, like he was searing his intentions and love into her skin with his kisses, making her burn. She began to whine as she bucked her body up, a demand to stop the teasing and take all of her. He reached over to his nightstand to grab a condom—all while she peppered him with kisses, her mouth traveling down to his adam's apple then to his sternum, her hands leaving burning touches all over his stomach and his back, indulging herself. He finally got what he needed and she grabbed the condom out of his hands, pulling it out and slowly sheathing him. He groaned at her touch, hardening even more. She laid back down on the bed and he lifted her arms over her head, holding them in a grip, his hard cock pressed between them on her stomach. He kissed her hard on the mouth, swallowing all of her moans and sounds of pleasure and he lifted himself slightly to settle between her legs. He pulled his head back to gaze at her, asking for one more permission. She nodded at his silent question and he smiled before finally entering her slowly. He entered her inch by inch—so he wouldn't hurt her and to let her readjust to him slowly—until he was buried to the hilt inside her wet core, staying still for a beat to savor the feeling of being inside her again.

He brought one of his hands to her face, cupping her jaw and staring at her. "You're so beautiful," he whispered, staring at her flushed cheeks and pink kissable lips in awe. He was so lucky to be with her like this. She bucked her hips in reply, urging him to start moving. He didn't need to be told a second time as he began moving in a slow pace, pumping his hips in and out. She moved her one free hand to clutch at his back, her fingers digging into his skin. He relished in the sensation—the pain and pleasure of her loss of control—and he began to speed up. He gripped her hips tight before his self control became unyielding and the snaps of his hips became hard and fast, Erin meeting him with fervor of her own, both of her hands digging into his skins and trailing them across his back. He knew he would have scratches to show for it the next day but he didn't care. She cried out, urging him to go faster and deeper and he complied as best he could, letting out grunts of his own at the pleasure. His name began to fall out of her lips in whimpers and his own mouth was releasing broken murmurs of how beautiful she was and how much he loved her.

Finally they reached the peak and he stilled, groaning when Erin began to clench around him. He rode out the climax, trying to prolong it as best he could. Coming down from the high, he laid his head down on her chest, both of them heaving and panting from what just transpired. She brought her arms around him and ran her fingers through his sweaty hair, both of them still incoherent.

"That was…" he was speechless, unable to form the words of how amazing it was. He couldn't speak, not right then. She let out a hum in agreement, clearly feeling the same as him. They continued laying in that position, still clinging onto each other, enjoying the closeness and the feeling of becoming one again. Their bodies kept each other warm in amidst the cold winter night.

After getting some feelings back in his legs, he laid a kiss on her chest and pulled himself out of her, Erin letting out a small mewl at the sensation. He tossed the used condom in the trash can next to the bed and settled back on the bed, gathering Erin close to him and kissing the top of her head. She let out a sigh of contentment and hugged him tight. He smiled into her damp hair, a feeling of adoration for the woman in his arms surging through him. He loved her so much so he voiced it, again and again to make up for lost times and all the times he didn't. He wouldn't make that mistake again.

She ran her finger on his chest before looking up at him. "I love you too," she returned, giving him a dimpled smile. He bent down to seal his lips over hers, slowly and softly at first before she slipped her tongue in, an invitation for a repeat performance. He accepted the invitation, increasing the pressure of the kiss and feeling the blood rush to his cock again. She let out a giggle as she straddled him, feeling his desire for her between her legs again. He returned her raised brows with his own, daring her to continue. She was never one to back down from a challenge and they continued making love well into the night.

* * *

That was how they pretty much spent their Sunday off. Erin woke him up with heated kisses and he quickly responded again and again. They christened the couch, the kitchen counter and even the floor to ceiling windows. Erin just hoped that no one outside was looking up at the windows of his place or they would've been blessed with the sight of her bare behind as he pressed her up against the window, thrusting in and out until she didn't know her name anymore and couldn't stop the incoherent babbling that came out of her mouth.

They couldn't keep their hands off of each other for long, even making quick meals to refuel themselves were nearly impossible tasks as a quick brush of their bodies led to another round then another then another until they both collapsed on the couch, Erin laying down on top of Jay, a blanket covering them both.

"I won't be able to walk tomorrow," she whined as she buried her face in his chest and he had his arms around her, holding her close to him.

"Is that supposed to be a bad thing?" She gave him a light smack, feeling herself shake as his chest rumbled with a smug chuckle. "I'm taking that as a compliment."

She tried to give him a glare but couldn't hold the smile from coming over her face. She loved him so much, even when he was being smug and cheeky. He wouldn't be her Jay if he wasn't. "You should," she agreed. He really should because he was easily the best Erin ever had, no competition. It seemed as though nothing has changed in that department for Erin. While they still had that passion where they couldn't keep their hands off of each other like they did when they first started—a year of sexual tension exploding—there was also this intensity and tenderness that only exist when a couple move past the initial stage of lust into a stage where there's love and trust. Only now there was another level of affection—like they knew how precious it was and how much they should cherish it, that second chances don't come around that often.

So she bent her down and capture his lips, inserting all of the love and adoration she could into it. There was no hurry, no rush, just her trying to tell him with her lips and without words how much she loved him, how happy she was to be with him again. He easily returned her sentiment and she understood what he was trying to say without words also.

* * *

Jay had ordered them Chinese take-out for dinner—they abandoned the idea of cooking completely knowing it was pointless—and Erin didn't refuse food like she did the night before. She was completely boneless and spent and needed the nourishment that greasy Chinese food would provide. So she happily accepted her order of kung pao chicken and she settled onto the couch, tucked into Jay's side as he wolfed down his portion of fried rice—the television was on in the background, Sunday night football game playing on screen.

Erin watched a player get injured in the game and the medic team rushing to player, attending to his leg. She quickly sat up. "Shit, I need to call Ewan!" she said, remembering how she needed to talk to the doctor about potentially taking on Tara as a patient during her rehabilitation process.

"Ewan?" Jay frowned, pulling her back to his side. "Why do you need to talk to him anyway?"

She turned to look at him, hearing the small jealously in his voice. "I need to ask him for a favor."

"What kind of favor?"

"I need his special skills," Erin replied nonchalantly—teasing Jay—and enjoying how his eyebrows furrowed at her words. "Special skills that only Ewan can provide," she added, wiggling her eyebrows.

"Erin," Jay said, voice strained. Erin was having a hard time holding in her laugh at his expression and Jay being flustered, not knowing what to say. She knew he was coming to the wrong conclusion of why she needed to talk to Ewan but didn't want to show that he was jealous, probably because he knew she'd be annoyed by it.

She decided to take mercy on him. "What?" she shrugged, casually. "You don't want me to call him?"

Jay shook his head. "I just think whatever special skills," he started, putting air quote around the words, "he can provide for you, I can do it better. You don't need Ethan or whatever his name is."

"Ewan," she corrected, knowing that Jay knew Ewan's name full damn well. "Okay, I guess I won't call him to ask him to take Tara on as a patient. And I can just tell him that it's because my jealous boyfriend doesn't want me talking to him," she explained off-handedly, ready to enjoy Jay's reaction at his misunderstanding and her teasing him.

He frowned at her words and placed his carton of fried rice on the coffee table, turning to face her, expression serious. "Um, we're boyfriend and girlfriend?" he asked, face rigid and tight.

Erin's throat dried at seeing his face and the hesitancy and confusion in it. Was she wrong to assume that they were together again or was she moving too fast throwing out the term 'boyfriend'?

"Um…." she stammered. "I just thought that…since…you..last night and everything," she was lost for words, didn't know how to begin explaining why she thought they were boyfriend and girlfriend again. She tried to form the correct explanation again until she caught the beginning of a smirk on Jay's face.

"Oh my god!" she shouted, finally realizing that Jay was playing her. He smirked at her outburst before full on laughing at her earlier reaction. "You are terrible!" she declared, giving him a smack on his arms.

"Boyfriend huh?" he asked again, a smug grin on his face.

"I hate you," she said, scooting back when he leaned closer to her.

"Hmm, pretty sure you said the opposite last night, this morning and earlier today when your boyfriend was getting lucky," he retorted, still grinning wide.

"Yeah, keep that smug look on your face and you're never getting lucky again," she shot back, giving him another smack on the arm.

"Ow," he rubbed his arm in jest. "Is that any way to treat your boyfriend?"

"I don't know. I might not have one anymore soon." He shook his head quickly and pulled her to him. She straddled him as he leaned back on the couch, pulling her close to him.

"Oh no," he said. "You're not getting away that easily." She smiled, looking down at him with tenderness, loving the cheeky smile he had on his face. She leaned down to kiss him. "Boyfriend huh?" he whispered, holding her face as she placed her forehead against his.

"Boyfriend," she whispered raspily before sealing her lips over his. She loved that sound of that.


	12. Chapter 12

Seriously I just wanted to thank you guys that always comment on the story. I'm having fun writing the story and I'm glad that you guys are enjoying it too. Honestly this is the first time I've been consistent with updates for a fic because I'm enjoying writing the story so much. So enjoy another chapter~!

* * *

Chapter 12

Erin woke up in the most enticing way possible—Jay's lips leaving scorching kisses on her bare skin. She smiled to herself but her eyes remained closed, keeping Jay in the dark that she was awake. She was curious about what his next move would be, the next action that he would use to wake her up. His tongue traveled from her shoulder to further down her back, kissing her little moles she had on her back, before turning his focus on the dip in her back.

Her eyebrows furrowed when she felt him pull away, the loss of heat too great. She wondered why he did until she realized that he must have saw what was on her back—the scar from her gunshot wound. She could practically see his knitted brows even without looking at his face as he grazed the scar delicately with his fingers so she decided the jig was up and it was time to turn around and let him know she was awake and distract him from the scar. But she halted when she felt his mouth leave the most tender kiss on her scar, as though he could kiss the blemish away. He gave the scar his upmost attention, —sending shivers up her spine.

He smiled into her skin. "I know you're awake, Erin," he spoke into her skin when he felt her response. Oh well, the jig was up. She turned around on her back and gave Jay an innocent smile. "Morning," she whispered. He shook his head at her, amused by her little act.

"Good morning," he responded, crawling up so his face was near her. He ran his fingers through her hair and bent down to kiss her. "Mm, damn good way to wake up."

She had to agree there, waking up with Jay was definitely better than waking up any other way. She gave him a light kiss on his lips as a sign of agreement. She shouldn't have been surprised when he deepened the kiss but she let out a little yelp when the force of his kiss sent her head back on her pillow. But she quickly recovered and responded to the ferocity of the kiss. Goosebumps ran up her skin when he trailed his fingers to the underside of her breasts, the touch tickling her skin.

"I know a better way to wake up," she teased as she broke the contact before straddling him, leaving him on his back, gazing up at her. She bent down to place a kiss on his mouth before kissing his neck, his chest, the crevices of his abs then to the happy trail that led down to his morning erection. He let out a moan and a guttural 'Erin' when she took him in her mouth. She loved his reaction to her, urging her on to keep pleasuring him with her mouth, swirling her tongue around him. She ran her tongue up and down his length before taking him deep in her mouth, hitting the back of her throat. He moaned loudly—unable to stop himself from bucking up. He ran his fingers through the top of her head as an apology but Erin brushed him off, instead started to bob her head up and down and taking him in deeper until he could no longer hold off.

"Inside. I want to be inside you," his words were broken but Erin got the gist of what he was saying. She pulled herself up and straddled his lap again, giggling as his fingers were working as fast as they can to put on protection. She took his cock in her hand and directed the hardened length to her entrance before guiding it in slowly—moaning as he entered her. He held her chest to his, leaving feverish kisses across her breasts as she began to slowly move up and down. He groaned into her skin as she fastened the pace and she tightened her arms around him, pulling his face flushed to her chest. He took a nipple in his mouth, his tongue doing wonders to it as she began to feel pleasure everywhere. She couldn't move fast enough, couldn't get enough of him. So he held her back and began bucking up into her—moving faster than she ever could. She clung onto him—holding on for her life—until all of her senses were all filled by Jay. She tasted his kisses when their mouth met; she smelled the scent of his shower gel and a scent that was all Jay; she heard his broken grunts and murmurs of pleasure; she saw sweat trailing down his forehead and his flushed face; and she felt him all around her, him exerting energy, him working to bring her to the peak and his arms holding her and their bodies connecting in the most intimate of ways.

She couldn't contain her loud moans as she reached her climax and held on as he rode out his until they were both sweating and panting, both still holding onto each other as they tried to come down from the impeccable high. After a few minutes passed and they were both more in control, Jay laid back on the bed, pulling Erin with him.

"That was…that was," his voice was still strained, not fully in control of his body. "You're right. That was a better way to wake up," he admitted, kissing her. "A much better way." Erin hummed her agreement, lost in the kiss. She groaned when her eyes caught the alarm clock on the side of Jay's bed and saw the time.

"We have to get to work," she said sadly as she pulled herself off of him, resisting Jay's arm trying to pull her back. "Come on, it's already 8. We're gonna be late."

"How about we run away? Retire on some remote island and we can do this all day long," he teased, not wanting to get up. "Sounds good?"

Erin chuckled, kissing his chest one last time before getting out of bed. "You'd be bored and you know it," she said, feeling his eyes on her naked body. "Stop looking at me like that." His heated gaze was too much for her, she was already having a hard enough time resisting him lying on the bed.

"Like what?" he shot back. "You're beautiful." She blushed at his compliment, felt heat ran up her face. She shook her head, trying her best to ignore him and his enticing form and entered the bathroom to get ready for the day.

* * *

"Wow, the Grinch is early this year with the Christmas spirit Serg?" Jay asked cheekily as he and Erin made their way up the stairs into the 21st district. They were almost late but managed to get to the district on time. But not before Jay had leaned over in the car to give Erin one last searing kiss before she had to push him away—not wanting anyone to see them making out in the car. She wasn't sure she was ready for her and Jay's reconciliation to be public knowledge just yet.

Erin chuckled when Platt turned from putting up a wreath on the front of her desk to give Jay a patented Trudy Platt glower, unamused by Jay.

"Yeah nice one, Rudolph," she replied, flatly. "Good morning Erin!" she greeted Erin happily, a departure from her tone with Jay. Erin chuckled when Jay scoffed at the difference in treatment. He should know by now that she was Platt's favorite.

"Good morning Trudy," she smiled smugly at Jay. "Beautiful job Serg." She complimented looking around at the few Christmas decorations Platt had put up. Erin couldn't believe how fast the year has flown by and now it was already time to put up Christmas decorations.

"Thank you Erin. At least someone knows how to appreciate all my hard work."

"Um…it's nice?" Jay stammered, Erin chuckling at him and hitting his chest in jest.

"Geez thank you, now all the Whos in Whosville can get a good night sleep now that they have your approval," Platt scoffed. "Grunch!" she muttered to herself as she eyed the two former partners went up the stairs, her expression narrowing in suspicions seeing the close proximity between the two. "huh."

"Suck up!" Jay whispered in her ears as they went up the stairs leading to Intelligence, unaware of Platt's observation of them. Erin laughed as she gingerly made up her way up the stairs, her legs sore from all the workout her body had gotten over the past two days. He noticed her walk and the small grimaces she was letting out with each step up the stairs and he chuckled. Erin turned around to glare at him and the smug smirk he had on his lips.

"This is your fault!" she hissed seeing his smirk on his face, clearly proud.

"You weren't complaining before," he shot back, still smiling. "I'll give you a massage later."

"Hmm," Erin replied. "That's a start."

When they got to the bullpen, only Kim was there. Erin greeted her with a morning before slowly walking over to the empty chair by Jay's desk, trying to not to let the evidence of her and Jay's activity show.

"Look at this baby!" Adam shouted as he and Kevin rolled a monitor into the bullpen.

"What is it?"

"This," Adam answered, proudly pointing at the large flat screen monitor. "This is what's going to catapult this place into a much needed technological update."

"A flat screen?" Jay replied, dead-panned.

"Didn't we make Mouse get rid of that smart computer thingamajig before?" Erin asked, knowing of Voight's refusal to get up to date when it comes to technology. "Voight approved of this?"

"Yep!" Kevin answered before hesitating. "Well not really. This is just a loaner. Lieutenant Benson requested it to communicate with her team in New York."

"Yeah it's just temporary," Adam added sadly. "But at least it's something. We don't have to take video calls on our sad computer screens."

Erin pressed her lips together and raised her brows, approving of the addition. Rollins was the computer expert in SVU and Olivia was pretty open minded when it came to using high tech stuff so Erin had gotten used to the convenience during her time at SVU.

"Cool," Adam and Kevin beamed proudly. Erin chuckled fondly watching them, entertained by their antics. She missed being around them so much.

* * *

"Erin." Erin turned to Kim when the younger female distracted Erin from making herself a cup of coffee in the break room. "You know I bought that futon for you specifically."

"Okay…" Erin replied, confused where Kim was going with this. "Oh, I can pay you back for it."

"What? No," Kim quickly shook her head. "I'm just saying if Jay's guest bed is not comfortable, I'm sure he wouldn't mind if you bring the futon in and crash in his living room instead."

"Oh, I'm okay."

Kim didn't seem to believe her. "Are you sure? You were walking kinda funny earlier like you were in pain." Kim leaned closer to her and dropped her voice so they wouldn't be overheard. "With your back and everything, you know. I think the futon might be more comfortable for you since you seemed to be in pain."

Erin tried to stop herself from blushing, thinking of the real reason why Erin was having trouble walking normally. She definitely didn't want to let Kim in on what had happened between her and Jay just yet. "No, Jay's bed…I mean his guest bed is very comfortable."

She tried to look normal as Kim studied her, hoping that Kim didn't catch her slip. She could kill herself for almost letting it slip out. _Guest bed, guest bed_! She repeated to herself. She was supposed to be staying on the _guest_ bed in the _guest_ bedroom.

"You really think his guest bed is comfortable?" Kim asked, interrupting Erin's monologue with herself. "You know it was Will's old bed before he moved out."

"Yeah," Erin replied. "It's really comfortable."

"Even though it's a water bed?" Erin looked at Kim in confusion. Will had a water bed? Did they even make those anymore?

"Yeah, the motion helps me sleep," she lied. "I can sleep really well on it."

"Huh." Kim leaned closer to Erin. "Doesn't the mirror on the ceiling freak you out? And the purple neon lights he installed?"

She stammered for a bit, thinking of what to reply to Kim. "Yeah, it did at first but you know, I got used to it." She continued to lie. She was just beginning to realize to herself that she had never even been in Jay's guest room. Aside from the first night where she and Jay had fallen asleep on the couch, she had been in Jay's bed every night since then. She really should at least take a look at the room so she wouldn't be caught off guard again if someone else, particularly Voight, decided to question her.

But after hearing Kim described the room, she wasn't sure she wanted to see it for herself. Erin wondered to herself what the hell kind of room Will lived in before settling down. She heard stories of Will's escapades when he was a bachelor in New York and the hoard of women he had been with. But water bed, ceiling mirrors and neon lights? That sounded like a making of a bad 70's porno.

She was too busy being disturbed by Will's room that she didn't notice Kim walking over to the break room door and closing it. She turned around, pointing a finger at Erin. "You liar!" she accused, startling Erin.

"What?"

Kim laughed as she walked back over to Erin. "Oh no, you are not getting away with this." Kim stated. "You've never even been in the guest room have you?"

Erin tried to put on the best innocent expression she could. "Yes. I have…. I mean yes." She stammered.

"Uh huh, sure. Then what colors are the walls?" Kim questioned.

"White," Erin guessed, trying to sound confident in her answer. Jay's walls were white so it would make sense for the color to be the same, right?

"How many windows are in the room?"

"Two."

"How many dressers are in there?"

"Oh my god," Erin whined. "What's with the interrogation?"

"First of all, the walls are light gray. There is only one large window in that room and there are 2 dressers. And second, I'm "interrogating" you—if you want to call it that—because you are lying to me!"

"Since when are you such an expert in Jay's guest bedroom?"

"Since pretty much all of us have crashed in the room at one point or another. And don't change the subject on me Lindsay. What's going on with you and Jay? Are you two back together?"

Erin felt heat crawled up her neck before shyly nodding. "Oh my god!" Kim squealed, making Erin to grab her arm to calm her down.

"Shh!" she shushed her, gesturing to the team gathered outside the door. "Be quiet."

"Ok ok, I'm sorry," Kim offered, calming down. "I just can't believe it. Ok I can but I just didn't think it would happen so fast. Did you two…you know?" Kim's mouth opened wide after seeing the answer on Erin's face. "Wow."

"Ok, how did you know something was up?" She knew she was pouting but Erin needed to know. Was her happiness that obvious that Kim noticed it? Were she and Jay acting obvious? Because if it is then they would need to tone that down so others won't find out.

"Well, I was actually worried about your back at first. I didn't even think of you and Jay being together again." Kim explained. "But when you said his guest bed was comfortable, I knew something was up."

"What?"

"Yeah, we have a running joke that Jay picked the most uncomfortable bed he could find so no one would want to stay at his place for more than one night. Seriously, that thing is a rock."

"So when I said it was comfortable, you knew I was lying."

"Yep!" Kim chuckled. "I should take that detective exam soon," she complimented herself.

"Yeah, you should," Erin pouted. "Okay fine. You caught me. Jay and I are back together and yes, I have never seen the guest bedroom because I've been sleeping with Jay."

"Since the first night?"

Erin slapped Kim's arm. "No! What do you take me for? Only since the other night." she admitted.

"And how was it?" Kim urged her on, wanting Erin to reveal more details. "Was it as good as you remember?"

Erin blushed wildly. "Okay, I'm not talking about this with you here," Erin stated, wanting to head out of the break room. "But you have to keep it between us okay?"

Kim nodded. "Sure of course. But only if you promise to come over to my place tonight and give me more details. I have wine and we can send Ruzek out for food."

"Fine, you got a deal." Erin shook Kim's hand. She turned around before exiting the break room. "Oh by the way Burgess, it was better." She winked.

Kim gaped at her tidbit. "Really?"

Erin smirked. "Like fireworks!" she said huskily before exiting the break room, leaving an openmouthed Kim behind.

Erin sat back down on her empty seat and Kim followed her, taking a seat at her own desk. Kim caught Erin's eyes across the room as they waited for everyone else to settle down while Adam and Kevin were setting up the monitor. Kim wiggled her eyebrows before making a firework gesture with her hands. "Boom!" she mouthed as she gestured her hands in an explosion manner, a satisfied grin on her face after seeing Erin blush.

Jay had caught the little interaction between the two and he looked on in confusion. Erin knew the moment Jay had realized what the interaction and Kim's hand gestures were about because his eyes lit up from their previous confused squint and a smug grin came over his face. He caught Erin's eyes and wiggled his brows at her, obviously satisfied with himself. Erin bit her cheeks and stuck her tongue to the side of her mouth, trying not to look at him and give him more satisfaction. He definitely didn't need more praise in that department. But there was nothing she could do to stop the heat from crawling up her when she heard the low rumbling of his chuckles next to her. This man, he certainly knew how to drive her crazy.

* * *

"I missed your beautiful faces," Carisi teased as his, Rollins and Dodds' faces came over the monitor. Voight looked less than amused at his words.

"Did you guys find out anything important?" Olivia asked her team. The three of them had returned to New York to get more information on the prison guard and to see what else they could find out on their ends.

"Plenty," Amanda replied. "You guys might want to sit down for this." Erin's curiosity peaked, more than interested in what the three detectives have found out and if the information would bring them closer to finding Yates.

"We talked to the prison guard's wife. She gave us permission,"

"More like we made her think we didn't need permission," Carisi corrected Amanda.

Amanda rolled her eyes. "Anyway, we searched her house and found the stash that the guard had hidden away that NYPD missed. He was apparently supplementing his salary by selling off famous prisoners' paraphernalia. Old journals, books, whatever the guard got his hands on inside the prison."

"There's a market for that stuff?" Adam asked.

"A big black market. Lucrative too. Apparently there are a lot of sickos out there who idolize these criminals like they're celebrities."

"That's sick," Erin voiced.

"So he's been selling Yates'old stuff?" Voight questioned. "So he had information about Yates. Read his old journals."

"Yeah, old journals that he kept in prison, some personal products like hairbrushes etc."

"Did you guys find anything more about the prisoner that killed the guard?" Olivia asked.

"Nothing substantial was added to his canteen." Dodds replied.

"But his wife did suddenly come into money," Carisi added. "She was seen buying a new car and shoes, very expensive shoes, I might add."

"Sounds like she's really living large while her husband is about to do more time for murder." Jay commented.

"So I did a little digging and found out that $100,000 was added to her account a day after the guard was killed," Amanda explained. "So someone ordered the hit on the guard."

"100k?" Adam whistled. "That's a lot of green."

"Yeah way too much. Yates didn't have that kind of money, even before he was caught. He was a doctor but he still had loans to pay off, not to mention insurance." Erin said. Something was wrong with this whole picture. There was no way Yates could pay off the prisoner to kill the guard.

"Did you guys get a chance to read the journals?"

"We did you one better Lieutenant. We got his old journals. Now we've read through them but they're just mostly about how he planned and carried out his crimes. Nothing in there that would incriminate him more than what he already was incriminated for. Just more details than one needs to ever know about his twisted mind."

"Ok," Olivia replied. "Bring those with you when you guys come back."

"We've scanned them and we'll send them over right now. But yeah, we'll bring the real things with us." Dodds said, using his ipad to send them the copies of Yates' journal.

"We're working on getting a warrant for the prisoner's wife's financial records. See if we can trace where the $100,000 came from. It's most likely cash but maybe we'll get lucky. Also we're seeing if we can bring her in for questioning but the ADA isn't really easy to work with. He likes that the murder case is open and shut and doesn't really want to make waves that might mess with the conviction." Amanda shrugged.

"Good work guys," Olivia complimented. "We'll talk to you soon." They exchanged goodbye with the team in New York and the monitor went black.

* * *

"Are you guys getting the creeps like me?" Hailey asked to the group, scanning through the copy of Yates' journal.

"Goosebumps," Erin answered. Disturbed. Disgusted would be the better word to describe what she was feeling as she read through the content of the journal. Detailed descriptions of what was going through Yates' mind as he raped, tortured, mutilated and murdered each of his victims. The uncontrollable need to kill and the release he felt when life went out of each woman were all written and memorialized in his journal. Yates was obsessed with his legacy, he wanted his victims and the victims' families to not only feel the pain but to remember the torture. He got off on it. Erin wanted to burn the damn thing, burn his words and burn the man himself. Who takes so much pleasure in someone else' torture and pain? Only truly sick people like Yates did.

"We got to take this guy down. Stop him from doing more of this." A strong sense of determination was evident in Kevin's voice. It seemed as though everyone on the team had the same reactions to the content of his journal and it just added to the motivation to stop Yates, before he could inflict more pain and suffering on innocent women.

* * *

"Let's not talk about work for tonight. Deal?" Erin shook Kim's hand and Kim handed her a glass of wine. They had gotten off work on time for the night and Erin had followed Kim to her place, Kim hungry for gossip about her relationship with Jay. Jay had been "volunteered" for violent reduction duty by Platt—her little retaliation for Jay's earlier remarks if Erin had the guess—and he was on patrol for the night. He was actually glad to hear that she wouldn't be alone at night and Adam had been sent out on food pick up duty courtesy of Kim's request.

"Deal," Erin answered, more than happy to get her mind off of Yates.

"So you gonna tell me what went down with you and Jay? Who made the first move?"

"I'm not really sure," Erin replied. "I guess we both did?"

"And you said it was better than before? Fireworks?" Erin nodded, smiling widely. "That would explain the stupid grin Halstead had on his face today."

"I'm pretty sure I had a stupid grin on my face too," Erin replied.

"Well now that you mentioned it," Kim ducked when Erin swung a pillow at her head. "I'm just kidding!" Erin laughed, loving the time spent with Kim. "So you guys are official?"

"Official?" Erin frowned at the term. "That sounds so junior high. But yeah, pretty much."

Kim gave her a big smile and pulled her into a hug, surprising Erin. "I'm really happy for you. Both of you." The sincerity in Kim's voice touched Erin and she felt a wave of affection for her best friend. Kim was genuinely the sweetest friend Erin could've asked for. "Is that wine that's running down my back?"

Erin pulled back and grimaced. "Oops!" She had accidentally spilled her glass of wine down Kim's back when she was taken off guard by the hug. She offered Kim a look of apology. "I think it'll wash out."

"Yeah, I need to take care of this," Kim stood up and made her way to her room. The ringing of the doorbell stopped her in her tracks. "That's Adam with our food. He's always forgetting his keys. Can you get that while I go change?"

"Yeah, take your time," Erin called out as she made her way to the door.

"If the wine spots don't come out, I'm sending you the dry cleaning bill!" Kim shouted from her room.

Erin laughed. "Okay, you do that!" She called out as she opened the door, expecting to see Adam with their food order. But she was suddenly pushed back into the wall by such a strong force that her head bounced off of it. She barely had time to gather her bearings when she felt a knife being held to her throat, the intruder's elbow pushing her chest into the wall, his hand covering her mouth and she found herself eye to eye with a masked man.

"Hello Detective Lindsay," the man greeted, his voice muffled by the ski mask. "Good to see you again isn't it?"

Erin struggled, trying to fight him off but he was too strong. The knife was digging into her throat and she couldn't scream. Her mind immediately went to Kim in the bedroom, unaware of what was happening out in her living room. She wanted her friend to be safe, for Kim to run and protect herself but she was unable to warn her. Her screams and shouts came out muffled and muted.

"Yates," she managed to get out his name, her voice strained.

She felt him chuckle, his body weight on her. He leaned his face closer and pressed it to hers, leaving a taunting laugh in her ear. "Mmm, you certainly are beautiful Detective." Erin felt a chill ran up her spine and goose bumps crawling up her skin at his voice—both mocking and sinister. "I told you I'd get you back for what you did, didn't I? I promised you that."

Erin shuddered when he took a deep breath, sniffing her. She wanted to crawl out of her skin and just get far away as she can from him.

"Oh my god!" Kim shouted as she reentered the living room and saw Erin and Yates.

"If you don't want your friend to bleed to death here from the neck, you won't move Kimberly." Yates ordered. "You don't want pretty Erin here to die, do you?" Kim shook her head, her eyes drifting over to her and Erin's guns they left on the kitchen counter. "Don't even think about it," he yelled out, knowing what Kim was planning. "You might get to the guns but not before I slit her throat here and I don't know? Maybe accidentally cut her artery and we'll have a nice pool of Erin's blood here on the floor to remember her by."

"Okay, okay," Kim said softly, holding her hands out to show Yates her compliance. "Just what do you want here?"

Yates leaned in and gave Erin a kiss on the cheek. "Detective Lindsay, of course."

"She's not going anywhere with you," Kim shouted.

"I don't see you stopping me officer," Yates said as he began to pull Erin out the door. She tried to fight him off but he was too strong. She felt the warm sensation of blood starting to drip down her neck from struggling and him pressing the knife in her throat. Kim tried to step forward to stop him but stopped herself when she saw the blood, not wanting Erin to get more hurt. Erin tried everything from kicking his legs, elbowing his stomach to scratching every part of his body she could get to but he withstood every blows, kicks and scratches.

Then a buzz over the intercom suddenly came on.

"Kim, I know you're gonna be mad but I forgot my keys again. Can you buzz me up?" Adam's voice and his presence downstairs gave Erin the distraction she needed to try to get free. She managed to get loose to head to her gun for a second before Yates recovered quickly and dragged her back by her neck, pushing her against the wall and began choking her.

"Kim?" Adam called out over the intercom again, not getting the reply he wanted. "Darling?"

Kim saw Erin losing her breath quickly, going pale and Yates taking sick pleasure in watching life goes out of her, too distracted to pay full attention to Kim. So she quickly ran forward to the intercom and shouted out for help. "Adam, Yates is here! Call for backup!"

Yates heard her inform Adam of his presence and he lunged towards her, causing him to let go of his hold on Erin's neck. Erin started coughing, trying to regain her breath. Then that was short lived when she saw him go after Kim. Without thinking, she jumped on his back, trying to stop him from going after Kim. She tried to pull off his mask to see his face but he held onto his mask, leaving him vulnerable enough for Erin to get a few blows in to his stomach. He grunted in pain but recovered quickly. With one last burst of energy, he pushed Erin hard as he could, Erin reaching out to stop the force, digging her fingers into his arms and scratching him—drawing blood. But she couldn't stop herself from falling back and she fell back, hitting the coffee table.

Yates took that as a chance to make his escape before Adam and backup got there and he ran off, slamming the door open causing it to hit and make a dent in the wall.

"Erin!" Kim ran over to Erin's side. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, we have to go after him," Erin gasped out, trying to get up. Kim helped her sit up and ran over to the kitchen to grab their guns just in case they needed the protection. She also grabbed a bottle of water for Erin.

"Here, drink some water," Kim helped Erin take a few sips of water. Then she placed a tea towel on her neck to stop the bleeding. Erin winced at the pressure, feeling pain of the injury.

"KIM! ERIN!" they turned after hearing the panicked voice of Adam coming down the hallway. Relief washed over them both as they saw Adam's face came into view. He rushed over to them. "Are you guys okay?"

"Yeah yeah," Kim stammered out. "Did you see him?"

"Yeah," Adam replied, breathless. "I tried to chase after him but he was too fast and he had a car waiting and he drove off."

"Where's backup?"

"They were too slow. Didn't get here on time," Adam explained. "Whoa, is she okay? Erin you ok?" His eyes widened after seeing the blood.

"Yeah yeah," Erin nodded but Adam didn't look convinced especially after Kim accidentally applied more pressure than needed, causing Erin to shout out in pain.

"I'll get an ambulance here right now," Adam took out his phone.

"No it's fine. It's just shallow cuts. Looks worse than it is. But I need you to call CSU here now," Erin stated, her voice more gravelly than usual. "I need them here ASAP!"

"On it!" Adam got on his phone to fulfill Erin's request.

"I think I might've gotten his DNA when I scratched him and I need to get it to the lab ASAP," Erin explained after seeing the question on Kim's face. "Everything else can be dealt with later." She stood up slowly and sat down on the couch. "Are you okay?" she asked.

Kim scoffed. "Yeah I'm not the one that got choked and almost got my throat slit off." She leaned closer to inspect Erin's injury. "I don't think the wound is that deep. Don't think you'll need stitches either."

"Kim, I'm sorry," Erin apologized, feeling terrible about putting Kim in danger. "I shouldn't have been here. Yates wouldn't have been here if it wasn't for me."

Kim waved her apology off. "Oh please, did you ask for this psychopath to stalk you? To attack you? Then it's not your fault."

"Ok the CSU will be here any minute. I called Voight and the team will be here soon too. What the hell happened?"

"We thought it was you at the door and I opened the door without checking. Stupid," Erin chided herself for letting her guard down. She should've checked who was at the door first before opening. But instead she let her guard down, thinking it was just Adam at the door.

"Don't beat yourself up Lindsay. The important thing is that you both are okay. We'll get the guy," Adam comforted Erin, giving her a hug.

* * *

The scene turned chaotic a few minutes later when the CSU, other officers and the paramedics showed up. Erin had allowed the CSU to work on her first, to get the blood under her fingernails—Yates' blood—and get it tested for DNA. Erin wanted to make 100% sure, get irrefutable proof that it was Yates who attacked her and Kim. Something wasn't adding right for Erin.

"We'll put a rush on it and get the lab results to you right away," the CSU technician promised Erin as she put the swab containing the blood in a sealed bag. Erin gave her a thanks in appreciation.

By the time Voight and the rest of the team showed up, Erin was already getting treated by the medic. But of course, it didn't reduce the worry of her team members. Voight and Olivia had fussed over her injuries and she and Kim spent more time fending them off rather than getting treated for their wounds.

"Shit!" Adam yelled. "I forgot to call Halstead. He's gonna kill me!" Adam pulled his hair and quickly got his phone out to let Jay know what happened since he and Hailey were on patrol.

"Relax Adam," Erin chuckled. "It's okay."

"Yeah let's see you say that when he has my balls. You're vouching for me Lindsay. I did my best here." Erin rolled her eyes at Adam's dramatics.

It turned out Adam wasn't too far off the mark when it came to Jay. He came barging in through the door, eyes frantically searching for Erin. He made a beeline for her after sitting her on the couch and quickly pulled her up. "Erin! You alright? You okay? What happened?" he patted her all over, looking for injuries—missing the obvious one on her neck. His eyes finally landed on the knife marks on her neck and he cussed. "Shit! Erin, you okay?"

"I'm fine Jay. Really," she pulled away from his hold a bit, not wanting her co-workers to see the closeness with her and Jay. He frowned when she pulled away but Erin just gave him the best reassuring smile she could. "I'm okay. The cuts aren't so bad."

"What happened?" She could still hear the edge in his voice, despite seeing that she was still alive and standing.

Erin repeated the events of the night to Jay, seeing the anger flashed in his eyes at her recalling being choked, held at knife point and knocked around by Yates. She wanted to take away that look from Jay, that worry and the animosity that came over his face. It didn't belong on his beautiful face.

"You sure you're alright?" Jay asked again to make sure. Erin nodded. She was shaken, terrified and angry with herself but she was fine physically.

"How the hell did a 50 year old man outrun you Ruzek?" Jay demanded. Erin put her hands on his arms to calm him down and stop him from blaming Ruzek. It wasn't his fault.

And mostly because Erin wasn't sure that it was a 50 year old man that attacked her and Kim tonight.

* * *

The team had made their way back to the district after the chaos at Kim's apartment had died down and the officers and CSU got what they needed to process the scene. Erin felt guilty at seeing Kim's home being turned into a crime scene. Kim would have to crash with Adam for the time being. Kim had assured her that it wasn't her fault and that she was fine staying with Adam, who probably wouldn't let Kim out of his sight for long after what happened.

If Adam was on edge then Jay could be described as over the hill. He was bouncing on his feet the way back to the precinct that Hailey took over the driving duty while he sat with Erin in the back seat, his hands remaining on her thighs. She hated that she worried him and he was constantly stressed out because of her, especially since she refused to go to the hospital. She already spent too much there the past few days than she'd liked. She knew she'd be fine and that her injuries weren't too serious. Obviously Jay wasn't pleased with her resolve. He was silent all the way there but Erin could feel him fuming, trying to hold his anger and agitation in, probably not to stress her out more.

"I'm sick of this!" Voight bellowed. "We keep letting him get to one of our own. Enough is enough!"

"How does he keep getting away?" Kevin asked. "First he overpowered both Dodds and Lindsay and now he outruns someone much younger than him with Ruzek. How?"

"Hey, the lab results are already in since they put a rush on it." Adam said, looking up from his phone. "What the?" He knitted his brows in confusion after reading the results.

"What does it say?" Voight demanded, seeing the look on Adam's face.

"Um, there might be a mistake or something because the results said the DNA was only a 50.9% match to Yates." Adam explained, dismissing the results since he obviously made up his mind that the culprit was Yates.

Erin shook her head and stood up, crossing her arms. "It's not a mistake, Adam." All eyes turned to her. "The guy that attacked me and Kim, it wasn't Yates. I don't think it's been Yates this entire time."

"50% DNA match," Jay pondered out loud, eyes widening in sudden realization. "Wait, are we saying that?"

Erin took a deep breath, ready to share the theory that has been running in her mind the past couple of days with the rest of her team.

"I think Yates had a son and he's been the one behind all this the whole time."


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

"Tell me you're joking," Adam said out loud, pretty much speaking the mind of everyone else. "Yates didn't have a son."

"Yeah, that we know of," Erin replied, pieces of puzzles that have been running through her mind the past couple of days coming together to form a theory. It was just a theory at this point but for some reason, she knew she was on the right track. She felt it in her guts and she always trusted her instincts. That was how she had managed to survive Bunny, her time on the streets and what have gotten her this far in her dangerous career relatively unscathed.

"50% of the DNA matching to Yates would point that it is either his offspring or his sibling," Olivia said, pondering over Erin's words.

"Except we know that he didn't have any siblings." Erin spoke. "We interviewed Susan Williams, his birth mother and she said she only had two children, Greg Yates and Nellie Carr."

"But we've also checked practically every record available on Yates and no children ever mentioned," Antonio stated. "Unless we missed something and that's a pretty big something."

"Okay, hear me out for a second," Erin asked. She knew her theory was a bit out there but she at least wanted to share it with the group. "Look at his journal entries," she started, leafing through the PDF of Yates' journals that she printed out. "Look at how many times he talked about his legacy, leaving a legacy. He was obsessed with it. And when I met him at his childhood home, he talked about me and telling the story of him after he was gone. He wanted his story known, he wanted to leave some sort of twisted sick legacy and I was supposed to be the one telling it."

"Okay, rantings of a lunatic doesn't really mean anything," Voight refuted, his expression showing that he wasn't exactly convinced just yet.

"You did make a good point of how this guy was always hiding his face earlier," Jay spoke up. Erin gave him a smile of appreciation. He was always backing her up and she could tell by his face that Jay was open to her wild theory. "Probably because he's not Yates but he wanted us to think he was."

Erin nodded. "Yeah. That would explain how he was able to overpower both Dodds and me in the alley, not to mention he outran Ruzek when he chased him earlier tonight. The real Yates wouldn't have been able to do that."

"Yeah, I'm not the most athletic guy but I'm pretty sure I could outrun a nearly 50 year old guy," Ruzek scoffed. "That guy earlier tonight, he was too fast."

"Also there's something else," Erin continued. "Yates, he had this control. He waited for the perfect time, he had this demeanor about him that was always eerily calm until he executed his perfect plan. Even when he had me alone, he didn't lose it until the end, until he got out what he wanted to say then he came at me with an ice pick. Tonight though, this guy. He had a plan."

"He wanted to take you," Kim said, recalling his words about wanting Erin and trying to drag her out of the door.

"Yeah, he did," Erin agreed. "He almost had me but," Her voice went small at recalling the earlier events. "But I almost got away and when he began choking me, he almost lost it." Erin saw the dark look that came over Jay's face, his eyes looking murderous and he was breathing deeply. She wished they were alone so she could go over to him, comfort and reassure him that she was fine but that was not going to happen in the bullpen with everyone present.

"What do you mean 'lost it'?" She could also hear the edge in Voight's voice.

"His plan wasn't to choke me to death in Kim's apartment. If I had to guess, he just wanted to scare us both. But then when he had his hands around my neck, he lost control. He wanted to watch me die. If it wasn't for Kim distracting him, he wouldn't have stopped until I was dead."

"Well, he's not gonna get the chance again. Not if we can help it," Kevin declared, his hands forming into fists. Erin gave him a small smile, patting his arms since she was next to him.

"So let's say that it is his son, how can we verify it? Who's the mother? How old is this son?" Olinsky threw out questions that were all in Erin's minds.

"If I had to make a guess, I think he's in his early to mid 20's. I doubt he's older than that."

"So birth year around late 90's to early 2000's. Yates was still in med school around that time," Olivia started. "Okay, I know a way we can find out." She walked over to Adam. "Can you call my team in New York?" Adam immediately complied, making the call on his computer and setting up the monitor so they can all watch. A few seconds later, faces of Rollins and Carisi came on screen.

"What's up Lieutenant?" Carisi greeted. "We were just making plans to head back there."

"Hold that thought," Olivia said into the screen. "Something happened earlier tonight. Lindsay and Burgess were attacked in Burgess' home."

"Oh my god. Are you guys okay?" Erin and Kim nodded at Rollin's question. "What happened? Yates broke in?"

"That's why we're calling you. Here's the thing. Lindsay doesn't think that it's Yates."

Erin could see the confusion on Rollins and Carisi' faces and she didn't blame them. They had been so sure that it was Yates, there have been evidence pointing that way and now she felt like she was taking them down a complete 180 degree turn.

"What do you mean?" Carisi asked. "Who else could it be?"

"I think it might be his son."

"Yates didn't have a son," Rollins pointed out, pausing for a second. "You think he had a son he didn't know about or something?"

"We don't know," Olivia answered. "We are guessing that he's in his early 20's. Listen Carisi, I need you to do something."

"Anything," Carisi quickly agreed.

"I need you to go and talk to Carl Rudnick," Olivia ordered. "He knew Yates during that time and he might know something. A woman that Yates might've been involved with. If anyone have the answer, it's him."

"You got it Lieutenant. I'll go catch up with the doc as soon as the visiting hours start tomorrow."

"Alright, thanks. Then call us back right away. As soon as you have anything." Carisi and Rollins agreed before hanging up and the screen went black.

"Carl Rudnick?" Hailey questioned, not knowing who the man was.

"He was the one who escaped from prison with Yates right?" Adam asked, vaguely recalling the name.

Olivia nodded. "Yes. Rudnick and Yates were in med school together, they were friends. Rudnick asked Yates for medical help after he killed his first victim, his fiancé after she broke up with him. Yates started giving him advice on becoming more efficient in killing."

"How twisted," Erin agreed with Kim's sentiments.

"Very. Anyway they had this twisted relationship with one another. I would bet money that if anyone might have any information, it would be Rudnick and Rudnick trusts Carisi. I'm confident that he can get information we need."

Voight took in Olivia's explanation and nodded. "Okay then. Let's wait and see if Carisi can give us more information tomorrow." He looked at his watch. "It's already almost midnight. I think we need to get some rest."

The team gave their agreement and started to get ready to call it a day.

"You alright kiddo?" Voight asked as he walked over to Erin, checking her injuries over. Erin pursed her lips, knowing that she had everyone worried, especially Voight and Jay.

"Yes Hank. I'm fine," she reassured him, waving off his concern. "The cuts are shallow. It'll heal in a couple of days."

Hank paused for a moment before giving her a slight nod and he turned to Jay. "Take care of her," he ordered, earning an eye roll from Erin. But she was honestly happy that when it came down to it, Voight trusted Jay when it came to her. That made her life a lot easier. The two most important men in her life will never be best friends and probably will never share locker room talks over football games and beer but she knew they trusted each other and that was more important in their lives than just camaraderie.

* * *

"There's Chinese left over from yesterday but I don't think you should have that considering," Jay pointed at her neck. "So I'm gonna make you some soup." He kissed her cheek before heading over to the kitchen. Erin gave him a smile of appreciation before heading over to take a shower.

Jay busied himself in the kitchen, heating up a can of chicken noodle soup for Erin, adding water and some seasonings to make it edible. He wished he had time to make fresh batch of soup for her but he knew she just wanted to get to bed as soon as possible. He had convinced her to at least eat something before going to bed and she had only agreed because she knew that he was stressed out. That was Erin though. Even when she was the one that had been through a traumatic event, she was still thinking of him and trying to comfort him when it should be the other way around.

He should be the one comforting her and be there for her. But first, he needed to calm himself down to do that but that was easier said than done because he felt like he has been freefalling since getting that dreaded phone call earlier tonight.

"Smells good." Erin came out of the bedroom, dressed in another one of his shirt and walking over to him, next to the stove. He smiled, just her presence alone doing wonders to ease his edge—her smile breaking through the dark storm brewing inside his head and shining light through it.

"I think it's about as edible as it's gonna get." He turned off the stove and turned to face her. "So should I worry about running out of shirts? Because you seem to be going through them quick." She just shrugged, knowing he was just teasing her. He actually loved the fact that his shirts were still her preferred choice of sleep wear and that she seemed to be getting comfortable enough to grab a shirt herself from his dresser. He wanted her to be comfortable, to treat his home like it's hers because in his mind, she belonged there always. He tried to stop himself from thinking in absolutes—forever and always—knowing that her being back in Chicago was temporary, for now at least. She was here now—safe and sound—and that was all that matters.

"Can't help it if I look better in them," she cocked her eyebrow, giving him a heated look. He had to agree with her there. He pulled her in his arms and tucked her hair behind her ears. She was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. It wasn't just her physical beauty that attracted him to her though no further words needed to be said in that department. But her compassion, her resiliency, her sassiness and everything in between that made up who she is made her so damn beautiful to him whether she's doing something to make him look at her in awe or make him want to pull all of his hairs out. He leaned in to leave a soft kiss on her lips—a chaste one that just spoke his relief that she was here.

"Come on, I'll get you a bowl." He led her to the stool on the counter and ladled her a bowl of soup. "Probably not the best soup but it's probably easier for you to eat than solids right now."

"It's fine," Erin replied, taking a sip. "You're not gonna eat?" He shook his head. Whatever appetite he had had disappeared the second he heard that she was attacked tonight. He doubted he can even hold down the soup right now. Erin frowned at his answer. "You have to eat something. If I'm eating, you have to eat."

He sighed and walked over to pull out a power bar. "That's not food," Erin pointed out. "At least have some of this soup with me."

"So if you have to suffer drinking this soup, then I have to too?" he teased her.

"We're a team right? I suffer, you suffer." He laughed, leaving a kiss on the side of her head before helping himself to a bowl and taking a seat next to her on the counter. His soup tasted just as he expected, water downed but strangely salty with sad bits of chicken and noodles. He'd have to get a much better and more substantial soup for her tomorrow until her throat healed.

"Delicious right?" Her eyes filled with mirth at his reaction to the taste of the soup.

"Mmm," he replied, dead panned. "Only the best for my baby." She smiled at the term of affection and rewarded him with a kiss. Her kisses were far more delicious than anything in the world.

* * *

By the time Erin had forced herself to finish the bowl and he didn't even bother trying to finish it, he had left the empty dishes in the sink. Normally, he'd cringed at leaving dishes for the next day but he couldn't give a damn tonight because all he wanted was to take Erin and tuck her in bed and just cuddle with her. He wasn't sure if she'll be able to tonight after going through the harrowing ordeal but he wanted her to get some rest.

So he laid in bed—his back against the backboard—and she was sprawled across him, her back to his chest. He circled his arms around her, tight enough so he knew she was safe in his arms but not too tight as to hurt her further. He kissed the back of her head, the scent of her shampoo soothing him. He let out a sigh, just letting her presence ground him and ease the tightness in the chest. She was here and she was safe. He repeated that in his mind. Everything else—all of her bruises, cuts and wounds will heal.

"Try to get some rest," he whispered in her ears. She held his hands that were wrapped around her, playing with his fingers.

"I don't know if I can," she admitted in a soft voice.

"Try," he repeated. "I'll be here and I'll keep you safe. I promise."

She turned her head to look at him. He couldn't help but peck her cute nose, the vulnerable look on her face tugging at his heart. She moved her head up further to catch his lips instead and he couldn't deny her request. They exchanged soft languid kisses, lips meeting more for comfort and contentment rather than the usual passion. Kisses that grounded them in the moment, to help each other get through this difficult time and to remind them of what they still had.

"Okay," he pulled away before leaning back in for a peck. "That's enough for tonight. You need to get some rest." She pouted and he kissed away the pout, disobeying his own order. She seemed satisfied enough and settled back on his chest, closing her eyes and doing her best to fall asleep. He kissed her hair one last time and tightening his hold on her, hoping she will be able to get a peaceful rest for the night.

* * *

Usually all it took was for Erin to be close by him for him to fall asleep, just her presence alone will lull him into an easy rest. But for whatever reason, it wasn't coming to him. He was still restless even though Erin had seemed to already drift off, her weight resting more on his chest as she did. He tried closing his eyes, forcing himself to sleep but it wasn't working. After an hour of trying to force himself to sleep but failing, he just gave up. He slowly reached over to the nightstand and grabbed the remote, turning on T.V and leaving it on mute. An infomercial for some useless product was playing on screen and he couldn't bother changing it to something else, hoping that the dullness of the program would bore him enough to fall asleep. But as one infomercial ended and a second one for another useless product started, Jay knew that too was futile.

There was still agitation running in his vein and perhaps a little bit of residual anger at Adam. He had apologized to Jay for not calling him right away and for letting it slip his mind and Jay knew that he was genuinely sorry. It was a chaotic situation that Adam found himself in and Jay couldn't exactly blame the guy for not prioritizing him in that situation. And it was more the fact that he wasn't with Erin and had to find out from someone else that got him more on edge than any anger towards Adam. He was grateful that he was there and that his presence was the distraction needed for Erin and Kim to make their escape and the intruder to run off. Adam had saved their lives, he certainly didn't deserve Jay's misplaced anger.

Jay looked down at the sleeping woman in his arm, her chest rising up and down in a soft rhythmic pace. The soft glow of the T.V illuminated her face and he was happy that she seemed to be doing better than him in getting some rest. She needed it.

His eyes remained on her, just watching her sleep. She was so precious to him. She had been the most important person in his life ever since she came into it. Since the moment Voight had introduced them and paired them up as partners, her safety became his priority. Then she went from just his partner to his best friend seemingly overnight and she became the person he trusted the most—his confidant, his rock. Then without him even realizing it—or he just forced himself not to because of their work—he fell heads over heels in love with her, his partner and his best friend, and she became his world. The center of his universe. Even when he had lost his way a few years back and he had walked away, he was doing it for her. He had went about things the wrong way—by walking away just like most people in her life when he should've stayed and should've let her see every part of him—even the parts that have been marred by his experiences fighting a war. He certainly wouldn't be making that mistake again—would not walk away even when things got difficult. He'd be there next to her, whenever she was or will be in the future, he wouldn't walk away again.

He knew he couldn't be by her side 24/7, he wouldn't be able to protect her every seconds of every day. And frankly she wouldn't want him to or needed him to. His girl was independent and strong and she'd probably be more annoyed than anything if she felt that he was babying her—putting her in a protective bubble—and she certainly wouldn't be shy letting him know. So he would have to settle for tenderly running his fingers through her eyebrows when it started to furrow, Erin becoming distressed in her sleep. She began to move, clearly having a bad dream and he softly hushed her, holding her tighter, his fingers running through her forehead, easing the creases that formed there before traveling to her hair, gently stranding his fingers through them. That seemed to do the trick as she settled back down, her body becoming relaxed once again. Until he could fight off the monster that's after her in real life, he would fight off the demons she was facing in her sleep. He would guard her through the night.

* * *

She noticed the dark bags underneath his eyes right away and she knew immediately just what kind of night he had. She felt bad, knowing that he was stressed out and tired because of her. He was quiet but she felt tension coming off of his body in wave, he was wound too tight. She heard his mumbles of frustrations in the bathroom, taking his anger out on toothpaste that didn't come out properly and slamming the medicine cabinet door as she sat on his bed. He probably thought she was already in the kitchen, making a pot of coffee like she usually did. But she wanted to wait for him and have a chance to connect and check in with him. Her instincts were right because he looked surprised to see her sitting on the bed as he exited the bathroom and he paused for a second in the doorway. She knew he was wondering if she had heard his outburst earlier and saw a look of guilt flashed on his face when he realized that she did.

She walked over to him, pulling him into a hug, his bare chest flushed against her. He returned the embrace immediately but his arms were tight and rigid. That wouldn't do. So she pulled him even closer to her body, gave him fleeting kisses on his neck until he relaxed and melted into her embrace. "I'm okay," she whispered into his ears, knowing he needed to hear it until he believed it. "I'm okay."

* * *

"How did your talk with Susan and Nellie go?" Jay asked, approaching Erin in the break room. She paused from preparing herself a cup of coffee and looked up.

She shrugged. "Good. As good as things could've went, I guess. Susan was adamant that Yates didn't have any other siblings beside Nellie."

"That's good. Then we can rule that out and just focus on being his son."

"Yeah," she said. Jay studied the dejected expression on her face.

"What's wrong?" he asked, wondering what was going through her mind. Whether or not she'd open up to him was still unknown.

"It's silly." Looked like she wasn't up for sharing today. He held himself back from pushing her too hard. He knew that she still had her tendencies to keep things close to her vest especially if she thought whatever she was thinking or going through would burden the people she cared about. That was why he had tried hard to hide his agitation earlier.

He took a step closer to her and discreetly caressed her fingers that were resting on the counter. "Tell me."

She turned to look at him, hands still touching and sighed. "I just feel bad. Susan and Nellie have been through a lot and Nellie lost her father because of Yates. I just feel like everytime I go see them, I bring nothing but bad news. They probably see me as some type of grim reaper or something."

"You are just trying to help them. They know that. You risked your life to save her father and to stop Yates. They know they can trust you," Jay reassured her.

"Hey guys, sorry to interrupt but Carisi is gonna be calling in a minute so we're gathering out in the bullpen," Kim said, her head peeking into the break room.

"Okay, we'll be right there," Jay called out and Kim headed back out. He turned to Erin. "Whatever we find out, we'll deal with it. Whoever the guy is, we'll stop him." She squeezed his arms, nodding at his declaration and they walked out to the bullpen together.

* * *

"How did it go?" Eager faces were gathered around in front of the monitor, awaiting information from Carisi. "Did Rudnick give you something?" Olivia questioned her detectives.

"Oh yeah," Carisi answered. "You guys sitting down for this?"

"Just tell us the info." Voight ordered, obviously impatient.

"I got into see Rudnick first thing in the morning and he was very forthcoming with the information. Probably because I've saved his life before or because he just hates Yates for leaving him to die in a boat after botching Rudnick's escape plans. But our advantage right?"

Voight closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. "What's the information?" his voice was rising.

Amanda took over the monitor, pushing Carisi out of the way. "Rudnick said when Yates was imparting his wisdom," she paused, mulling over her words. "he often talked about his victims, bragging to Rudnick about what he did to them. Rudnick also said that before Yates got together with Susie, he was obsessed with this girl that went to the same med school as them."

"What's her name?" Olivia asked.

"Maggie Palmer. She was Yates' first rape victim." Amanda informed the group.

"Yates told Rudnick this?"

Amanda nodded. "This was way before he started building his routine, his M.O. Her rape wasn't planned, it was all urges, he liked her and wanted her but she didn't so he just took what he wanted, no matter her answer."

"And she got pregnant from the rape? Did she report the rape?" Erin asked. Amanda shook her head. Jay wasn't that surprise. College campuses were notorious for being careless and unsympathetic to rape victims, especially during the earlier years. Usually victims were the one who were ostracized and punished for reporting a rape than rapists themselves. No wonder victims were often scared to come forward and so many rapes went unreported.

"We can't verify for sure that she did get pregnant but timeline would suggests that if anyone can be the mom, it's her. The rape happened around late 97-98 so the son would be around 21, 22 years old. We also searched for Maggie Palmer and she got married and changed her name to Maggie Stone." Amanda continued.

"Did you get a LKA or a chance to talk to her?"

"No we didn't get a chance." Carisi answered. "She's living in Rockford now."

"Rockford, Illinois?" Amanda nodded at Adam's question.

"Looks like it's your turn. We'll send over her address." Carisi replied.

"Okay. Good work guys. You guys heading back here?"

"Yeah we got seats on the next flight out. Looks like whatever that's gonna go down, it's gonna go down in Chicago. We'll be there soon." Amanda answered. "We'll see you soon."

"Her address is about an hour and a half away," Kevin informed the group, looking up from his computer. "According to the social media, Maggie Stone is now a high school biology teacher at Rockford High School and school gets out in 2 hours."

"Okay, Lindsay you want to take this?" Erin nodded, standing up. Jay also stood up, grabbing his jacket.

"Serge, I'm going too." Voight studied him for a beat, silent. Erin wasn't sure what was going through Voight's head but she could see suspicions in his eyes studying Jay and he didn't look happy about whatever he found looking at Jay. But he finally agreed nonetheless and Erin and Jay made their way out of the bullpen.

* * *

"Maggie Stone?" A pretty woman in her late 40's turned to answer at the mention of her name. Erin examined the woman who might've birthed the offspring of Greg Yates.

"Yes, that's me. Can I help you with something?"

"I'm Detective Lindsay and this is Detective Halstead," Erin introduced, stepping into the empty classroom. They had arrived a few minutes after the school had let out and luckily there were no students there to interrupt their conversation.

"Okay. What's this about? Wait, did something happen to my family? Did someone get hurt?" Maggie asked, worried and confused about why they were there.

Erin quickly shook her head. "No, your family is fine. We're not here because of that."

"We just wanted to ask you a few questions regarding a case we're investigating," Jay supplied, taking a seat on one of the empty lab table, Erin sitting next to him. "Is that okay?" Maggie nodded, although she still looked unsure.

"Look Ms. Stone, I don't really know how to start this but I'm just gonna go. You went to Duke University Medical School right?" Erin noticed Maggie tensing up at the mention of the school but she slowly nodded. "You were classmates with a Gregory Yates?" Erin got her answer when Maggie went pale at the mention of Yates' name. They definitely had the right Maggie.

"Yes," Maggie answered, her voice shaking. "This is about an active case? I….I thought that he was dead." Erin and Jay exchanged a look.

"It's an on-going investigation," Jay answered.

"Ma'am, there is really no easy way to ask you this but we have information that you were raped by Yates back when you were in med school together. Is that true?"

Erin felt terrible about reopening old wounds of Maggie and seeing the older woman started breathing hard. Maggie had clearly gotten her life back together after the horrific trauma and here they were, putting her on the spot. But it was a necessary evil because so many innocent women's lives were at risk.

"Where did you hear that?"

"Carl Rudnick," Jay answered. "Was he telling us the truth?" Maggie confirmed with a nod. "Can you tell us what happened?"

Maggie sat down across the lab table, her hands shaking. "I don't know what to say. I was young, naïve and stupid."Erin reached across the table and hold Maggie's hands. "Greg asked me out a couple of times, I said no. He just always gave me a creepy feeling you know? Like you just know something wasn't right with him. But when you're in the same program, you're around each other a lot. Same classes, curriculum so we ran in the same circle."

Erin gave her a small smile, urging her to continue. "One night we were at this house party and I was alone with him in this bedroom and before I knew what was going on, he was on top of me. I tried to fight him off but couldn't." Erin held her hands tighter when Maggie started tearing up, recalling the event. "Then it was over. And he walked away like nothing happened, like he didn't just ruin my life."

"Did you report the rape?" Jay questioned.

Maggie shook her head. "I tried. I wanted to but I've seen what happened to the girls that reported it before. Girls in the same medical program having to leave the program. They were the one that had to leave school while nothing happened to their rapists. I knew it was pointless. So I just tried to get past it. Move on, pretend like nothing had happened. I was stupid."

"It's not your fault!" Erin said emphatically. "The school should've protected you and all the other victims better. They should've been punished for what they did. Yates should've been punished."

"Ms. Stone, the school record showed that you dropped out of the program a few months later. Can you tell us why?"

Maggie looked up at the detectives, undecipherable look on her face. Erin waited as Maggie seemed to be debating with herself whether or not to open up to her and Jay. "Maggie, please be honest with us. You're not in trouble, I promise."

Maggie took a deep breath before speaking quietly. "I got pregnant."

Erin looked at Jay, their theory one step closer to being confirmed. "With Yates' child."

"It's not his child!" Maggie stated, her nostrils flaring in anger. "He didn't deserve to be that child's father. He may have been the sperm that led to the child but he was never that child's dad. I made sure of that."

"You didn't keep the baby? Yates didn't know you were pregnant from the rape?" Maggie shook her head at both questions. "Did you put the child up for adoption?"

"I did what I thought was best," Maggie replied, voice cold.

"We're not judging or blaming you ma'am," Jay quickly placated. "We're just piecing it all together."

Maggie looked at them suspiciously. "What is this about again? What case are you guys working on?"

"It's a police matter," Jay answered.

"Maggie, did you put the baby up for adoption?" Erin asked her more gently. Maggie turned her gaze from Jay to Erin, studying her for a minute. "Maggie, please. We need to know."

"Yes. When I found out I was pregnant from the rape and that I was carrying Yates' child, I went off the deep end. Before that I thought I could move on and pretend nothing had happened but the baby changed all that. I started missing school, failing classes until I had no choice but to drop out. I didn't know what to do after that so I had to tell my parents."

"And they made you give the baby up?"

"No. I wanted to give him up. I couldn't raise a kid. I was barely getting by each day myself. Bringing a kid into the equation? I may not have love where the baby came from but I loved my baby." Maggie wiped away a tear. "My parents knew this couple. A wealthy couple that didn't have children of their own and they agreed to adopt the baby. I thought it was the best thing for him. That he would have two parents, would not want for anything so I agreed. They took him the minute my son was born."

Erin continued rubbing Maggie's hand, doing her best to comfort the woman. "Was it a closed or open adoption?"

"I honestly can't say one way or another. I'm sorry. My parents took care of everything. All I knew was that I was not allowed to see my son again." Maggie was quiet for a bit. "Is that why you're here? My son? Did something happened to him?"

Erin and Jay exchanged another look, trying to think of what to tell Maggie. "We're not sure."

"Just tell me the truth!" Maggie demanded. "You are asking questions about him so obviously something happened to him." She paused. "Or did he do something? Did Yates do something to him?"

Jay took a deep breath. "Ma'am, there's no easy way to say this but we think your son might be responsible for deaths of several women in Chicago and New York."

Maggie immediately pulled her hand away from Erin, reeling back from Jay's revelation. "No. That's not possible."

"We're trying to find the culprit and we think he might be the killer," Erin explained.

Maggie quickly stood up and turned away. "No, he's not. I've made sure that he was far away from his psychopath of a father. I've made sure he was in a good home. There's no way."

"Maggie. Maggie!" Erin called so Maggie was looking at them again. "What's the name of the couple he was adopted to? Do you know his name?" Maggie didn't answer. "Maggie, please!"

"The Rappaports," Maggie finally gave them an answer. "They own several car dealerships in Chicago. My father was working for them as a salesman."

"And your son's name?"

"Stanley. They named him Stanley."

"Thank you," Erin said. "Maggie, we want to assign you some officers for your protection."

Maggie looked at them in confusion. "Protection? What's going on? Just tell me."

"Ma'am, we think your son is on a killing spree right now. We think he raped and burned several women already. The officer detail would just be a precaution, just in case he comes to your door."

"Raped? Burned?" Maggie sounded horrified, not that Erin could blame her. Even though Maggie might not have raised her son, it was still her son and the thought of someone you know being capable of something so sinister wouldn't be easy to swallow. "Like his father? Oh god!" Maggie broke down. "No! He wasn't supposed to be anything like his father! I tried!"

Erin couldn't just sit by and watch her cry anymore so she got up and pulled Maggie into a hug. "This isn't your fault! You did nothing wrong here!"

Maggie continued crying into Erin's shoulders. "I can't believe this," she sobbed.

"We'll arrange with the Rockford P.D to detail you a couple of officers to sit watch, just in case and just until we catch Stanley." Jay explained.

"No you can't!" Maggie shouted. "I can't explain that to my husband and my kids. They…..they don't know about Stanley or what happened to me."

"We want to protect you and your family," Erin stated. "How about if the officers are in plainsclothes? Your family won't be able to tell that they're cops and the cops can keep watch?" Maggie seemed to be thinking it over for a second before nodding. "We promise, your family doesn't have to find out. Not from us."

"Okay, thank you."

Erin and Jay got up, ready to leave. "We'll arrange it. We have your address so the officers will be there starting tonight. If something happens, you can call me or Detective Halstead anytime," she said, handing Maggie her card. "Thank you for all of your help."

"You know, I knew something wasn't right with Greg. There was this coldness to him but he hid it well. That was my biggest fear when I got pregnant. I didn't want that to be passed to my child. I thought getting him away and putting him in a good home would've prevented that. When I heard about Greg and what he did, I wasn't surprised. And when I heard that he was dead, I was happy. I was so happy that someone so evil was gone from this world," she paused. "But it turns out, I might've given birth to his successor. To carry out his evil into the world."

"We'll catch him and if it is Stanley, we'll stop him," Erin promised. "This isn't your fault. Go home to your family. We'll make sure they're safe."

"Thank you," Maggie hugged Erin. Erin and Jay waved goodbye and left the classroom.

* * *

"Atwater, search everything you can on the name Stanley Rappaport," Jay spoke into his phone, letting the team know about what they found out from Maggie. "Also search for the Rappaports in Chicago that own several car dealerships in the area. Yeah, that's Yates' son. Okay, we'll see you soon."

By the time he and Erin had gotten back on the highway to head back to Chicago, it was rush hour so what was supposed to be a hour and half trip turned to three. He could tell Erin was exhausted. He reached over the seat to hold her hand that was resting on her thigh.

"You okay?"

Erin gave him a small nod and a smile. "Yeah. Just thinking."

"Yeah, pretty crazy huh?" Jay couldn't believe the direction the case was turning to. They were so sure that it was Yates that they had believed in the impossibility of a dead person coming back to life. Technically, the murderer being Yates' son made more sense than a dead Yates resurrecting from beyond to continue his spree but it was still hard for Jay to wrap his mind around.

"I feel so bad for Maggie," Erin spoke, her voice soft. "I can't imagine going through something like that. Being raped, having to drop out of school, giving up my child? She's been through a lot."

"Yeah she has. But look at her now," Jay responded. "She has a good job. She's married and has a family of her own. She seemed to have bounced back pretty well."

"Yeah until we went and messed it up for her," Erin scoffed.

Jay brought their adjoined hands to his chest. "We needed to know to save lives. And she needed to know for her own safety. Yeah, it sucked that we had to do it but it was necessary, Erin."

"Yeah, I know," Erin agreed, shrugging. Jay dropped a kiss on her hand, causing Erin to smile. "I'm glad you were there with me."

"I wouldn't want to be anywhere else." He smiled at her, watching as Erin's dimples began to cave on her face. With the glow of the sunset illuminating behind her, she was a sight to be seen. Erin pointed to the traffic, redirecting his gaze from her to back on the road.

"Pay attention!" she scolded. "Or I'm driving!" Jay grinned, turning his attention back on the road.

* * *

By the time he and Erin had gotten back to the station, it was already dark outside. The team was still there, although they were getting ready to call it a day.

"Did you guys find anything on Stan Rappaport?" Jay asked Kevin.

"Yeah, nothing that jumps out that says he's a crazy homicidal killer," Kevin answered. "We need to dig more underground and that's not really our area of expertise, you know."

"I have that computer analyst that we worked with a couple of years ago on it. In exchange for a favor, of course." The look on Adam's face said that the favor involved something that Kim wouldn't like. If Jay had to guess, probably a date with the analyst that for some reason actually liked Adam after working with him on a case.

"Yeah, way to take one for the team Ruzek," Kim retorted and judging by Kim's umimpressed tone, Jay knew his theory was right. "So noble." She rolled her eyes.

"Just doing what's necessary," Adam grimaced.

"Yeah yeah, when is this analyst giving us the information?" Antonio asked. "Tonight? Tomorrow?"

"Got a date or something?" Erin teased.

"Yeah I do," Antonio replied. "With my kids actually. You know how hard it is to get them to spend time with their dad now that they're in that horrible teenager age?"

"Tomorrow. We'll get more information tomorrow." Antonio looked to Voight after Adam's answer, waiting for Voight to dismiss them for the night. Voight nodded at Antonio, signaling him to go.

"I'll see everyone tomorrow then," Voight said, giving everyone permission to call it a night. The team didn't need to be told twice at getting an early night off. "Lindsay," Jay looked up as Voight walked over to Erin. "I've made reservations for dinner at Gino's. You're coming to dinner."

"What's the occasion?" Erin asked.

"I need a special occasion to take you and Olivia out to dinner?" Voight asked. "Call it Olivia's birthday for all I care. You coming?" Erin looked over to him and Voight followed her gaze to him. "I'm sure Halstead can entertain himself for the night. Can't you Halstead?" Voight sneered, making it clear that Jay wasn't invited to dinner. He nodded, feeling the glare of Voight on him. "See? You coming?" he called back as he and Olivia made their way down the stairs.

"Yeah," Erin replied. She gave Jay a look of apology for Voight. He waved her apology off and just returned a smile. "I'll see you later," she said, stopping by his desk.

"Have fun," he replied, brushing his hands with hers quickly.

* * *

Jay weighted the two packages in his hand, inspecting them closer before finally settling on a fresher looking package of beef and placing it in his cart. He ran through the list of ingredients in his head, checking his cart to see if he was missing anything. It had been a while since he had made beef stew but he wanted to make it for Erin. She was still having a hard time eating after being nearly strangled to death and he wanted her to eat something other than his crappy chicken soup from last night. He wasn't sure if there was something at Gino's that she would be able to eat so he wanted to make sure she had something when she came home. Satisfied that he got everything he needed, he made his way to the checkout lane, wanting to get cooking as soon as he can.

* * *

Erin took a sip of water, watching in envy as Voight and Olivia cut into their prime ribs. She was tired and angry and there was nothing at Gino's for her to order that didn't require massive amount of chewing and that was something she was incapable of for right now. It was the type of place that specialized in one thing and didn't really see the need to put in effort in other menu items since everyone came for that one item anyways.

"Glad to see you two enjoying your dinner," Erin said, taking another dinner roll. At least Olivia had the decency to give her a look of sympathy while Voight pointedly chewed on another piece of his dinner.

"You could've ordered something else," Voight retorted. "Mac and cheese. You can eat that right?"

Erin made a face. "Boxed mac and cheese is better than whatever watered down fake cheese crap they serve here."

"Sorry," Olivia offered. "We should've gone someplace else," she said, looking over to Voight who just shrugged.

"It's fine," Erin replied. "I can make do with dinner rolls here."

"So what's going with you and Halstead?" Voight asked. Erin dropped her bread on her plate and crossed her arms, glaring at Voight.

"Is that why you asked me to dinner? So you can interrogate me about Jay?"

"I just asked a simple question," Voight replied. "Unless you're hiding something or there's something you don't want me to know."

Erin sighed, annoyed. Voight was always like a dog with a bone when it came to her and Jay. But asking her personal questions in front of her boss was taking it a step too far in Erin's book. "It's none of your business, Hank."

Hank pursed his lips. "That answers my question."

"Tell me something Hank. How can you trust Jay to take care of me and protect me but yet you have a problem with us being together?" Erin questioned. "Either you trust him or you don't."

"I do trust Halstead," Voight said casually.

"Then what's the problem?" Erin waited for Hank's answer, lips pursed together in annoyance.

"Halstead is a good guy," Olivia interjected, wanting to diffuse some of the tension at the table. "I trust him and I'm glad that he is there for you Erin. I think Hank might just be a little protective since you two have a history."

"I'm protective of all my team members Erin," Voight stated.

"You think I'm gonna hurt Jay?" Erin questioned, thinking back to the time when Voight claimed that he was looking out for Jay by forbidding the two from getting together. "This is to protect Jay?"

"I just think that it's easy to get caught up in the moment. A life threatening situation can heighten emotions and feelings," Voight explained. "What happens when you crash back down to earth?"

Erin shook her head. "That's for me and Jay to decide if we decide to get back together," Erin said, not letting on that she and Jay were back together. "If that's all then I'm gonna call it a night. Get some rest." She raised her hand to flag down a waiter. "Dinner's on you right Hank?" He nodded. "Okay, can I get a 24 oz prime rib to go?" she said to the waiter. "Since you care about Jay so much, I'm sure he'd appreciate getting dinner on you." She smirked at Hank.

"And a slice of peach cobbler," Olivia added. "Dessert too. Jay seems like a cobbler guy." Erin smiled at her boss in appreciation. Hank shook his head, clearly outnumbered by the two strong headed women at the table.

* * *

The smell of something delicious hit Erin as soon as she stepped into Jay's place. She closed the door and called out, "Jay?"

"In the kitchen." She heard him call out so she went over and a big smile came over her face at the sight of Jay in the kitchen, apron on his waist, stirring something in a pot. He looked so domestic that she couldn't help but melt at the sight.

"You're cooking?" Erin placed the bag of Jay's food on the dining table then she walked over to him, giving him a kiss. "Smells good."

He grinned. "Yeah. I thought I'd make you my beef stew. Something good that you can eat." If it was possible, Erin loved him even more then. "How was dinner?"

"Tiring," she replied. "And there was nothing for me to eat so this is perfect."

"What's that?" Jay pointed over to the bag on the table. Erin walked over and pulled out the take out containers.

"For you," she replied. "Courtesy of Hank."

Jay frowned. "Voight? Should I be worried that it's poisoned?" He questioned, lifting up the containers to smell and inspect the food.

Erin chuckled, knowing Jay was just teasing. "Maybe. You should be careful. Maybe pray before eating."

"Hmm, I'll take my chances." He walked over to the stove and prepared a bowl of the stew for Erin. He set the bowl on the table, gesturing for Erin to sit. "I made the beef super tender so you barely need to chew."

Erin raised her brow in intrigue and brought the spoon to her mouth, the delicious taste hitting her tongue instantaneously. "Mmm, so good. How can you never made this before?"

"I made this for you before. Remember when you got sick with the flu? I brought over soup?" Erin recalled something vaguely similar but she didn't remember tasting this and she knew she would remember something this good. "Yeah you probably threw it up. You couldn't hold anything down then." That would explain it.

"Well this is delicious. Thank you," she leaned over to give him a kiss, touched by his thoughtfulness. "You're the best."

Jay grinned. "I really am. Thank you." She rolled her eyes and watched as he took a bite of the food she brought him. "This is good too. And look I'm still alive."

"Guess it's your lucky day then." He opened the box holding the cobbler and smiled.

"Wow, dessert too?" Jay looked impressed. "Guess I'm really winning Voight over these days huh?"

"That's courtesy of Olivia. She insisted. Apparently she's a fan of yours."

A smirk appeared on Jay's face. "Yeah, no one can really resist the Halstead charm." She scoffed at his joke. "Won you over didn't I?" She reached over to give him a smack on his arm but she couldn't stop the smile on her face. He grabbed her hand and intertwined their fingers together. "As long as you're a fan, that's all I care about."

She got up and walked over to him, taking a seat on his lap. "Big fan," she whispered. "The biggest fan." She closed her declaration with a kiss.

* * *

After they both finished off their dinner, Jay surprised her with a carton of her favorite ice cream and they relaxed on the couch, sharing his dessert and ice cream until they couldn't eat another bite. So they had transferred themselves and their full stomachs over to his bed where they laid awake, an episode of Friends playing on the T.V. Erin wasn't really paying attention to the show, instead she was occupied making patterns on Jay's chest with her fingers, enjoying the closeness with him. She was tired and being next to him was making her relaxed enough to drift off to sleep soon.

"Voight asked me tonight about us," she shared with him.

"What did you say?"

Erin shrugged. "I didn't confirm or deny anything," she answered, feeling him tense up at her reply.

"Oh." She looked up at him at the tone of his voice. He sounded almost disappointed at her response. She pulled herself up so her face was next to him and giving him a deep kiss.

"I don't want to keep us a secret Jay," she revealed. "I don't want to sneak around either. We're adults and we love each other."

"Then why didn't you tell Voight?" he asked. She knew it had always been a sore spot for him, that she would walk away because of Voight's disapproval like she had the first time. She caressed his face, wanting to quell any fear and doubt he had in his mind at her feelings toward him.

"He just caught me off-guard," she replied. "We haven't really talked about what to tell people and I didn't just want to blurt it out without making sure we're on the same page. Although I have to confess, Kim knows."

He cocked his eyebrows. "Couldn't resist telling your best friend?"

"She figured it out," she admitted. "She tricked me."

"Burgess tricked you?" Jay sounded amused. "Is that why you guys were doing that firework explosion thing?"

She nodded. "In my defense, she distracted me. Something about Will and water bed and neon lights. Trust me, you don't want to know." That earned a laugh from Jay. "Hey, she's a good cop. She's gonna make a great detective." He hummed his agreement.

"So why do you think? About us telling people?" Jay asked, sounding nervous.

Erin gazed at him. "You know I'm not really that comfortable about being open, especially about my personal life. But I don't want us to hide or pretend that there's nothing going on between us."

He smiled at her answer. "Agreed. Erin, I'm serious about you. I always have been. This isn't just a temporary thing for me until you go back to New York. Is it for you?"

"I'm serious about you too Jay," she responded. "I'm serious about us. Whether we're together in the same city or not." The bright smile that came over Jay's face made her heart swell with affection for him.

He gave her a searing kiss. "Glad we're on the same page." He tenderly stroked her face. "I love you."

"I love you too," she replied, ending the conversation with a kiss. They were never the type that constantly said those three words before but after being apart for two years, she has learnt how precious those opportunities to let the people you love know you love them were. Well, she was a fast learner so she wouldn't waste those chances again.

She felt him leave a kiss in her hair as she cuddled back in his arms. She wrapped her arms around, feeling him relaxed and she placed a soft kiss on his chest. She hoped that he would sleep better tonight, knowing that he didn't get any sleep last night worried about her.

"Good night," she whispered. "Get some sleep." He smiled down at her, nodding.

"Good night, Erin." His words flutter into the still of the night and Erin drifted off into sleep, Jay joining her soon after.


	14. Chapter 14

Thank you guys so much for all of your responses. Your thoughts on the story makes me smile.

I don't know about you guys but I'm already in holiday mode and it's not even Thanksgiving yet. I'm already playing Christmas music as you'll see. Enjoy~!

* * *

Chapter 14

It was already seven in the morning but neither Jay or Erin were in a rush. Half of her team wouldn't be arriving back in Chicago until 11 so Voight had given them the morning off until everyone was in the same place. Erin wasn't going to complain having the extra hours to do whatever she wanted.

Instead of taking advantage of the chance to sleep in, Erin and Jay were already up by six and after a lengthy makeout session in bed, they had decided to get up and get ready for the day. Erin had offered to make them breakfast while Jay took his turn getting ready so she went to the kitchen and got the coffee started then she put some bagels in the toaster. They weren't really choosy when it came to breakfast so Erin didn't bother with more complicated food. Bagels and coffee would do.

Erin entered the bathroom and found Jay had just finished brushing his teeth and was dispensing shaving cream and applying it to his morning stubble. Erin stood behind him, wrapping her arms around his bare chest and their eyes met in the mirror. She waited for him to continue his task and he smirked, hands returning to applying the shaving cream on his face and carefully running his razor through it. Erin pressed a kiss on his right shoulder blades, the beginning of his spine in the back then finally his left shoulder blades, all while her eyes carefully watched him shaving. Her arms traveled from his chest to the dips of the abs on his stomach and she rested her chin on his shoulder as he finished shaving.

He turned in her arms, allowing her to have full access to his now smooth face and she smoothed her finger across his chin, skin nice and smooth since his morning stubble was now gone. She gingerly cupped his jaw and brought his lips to hers, their mouth slanting to meet—soft at first then intensifying as seconds went by. Jay turned them around so she was pinned against the sink and his hard body, his hands cupping her behind to lift her up and he placed her on the counter. She crossed her legs around him, bringing his body closer to her and their lips still moving furiously against one another.

She pulled back to lift her—_really his _—shirt off and tossed it over to the side and his mouth immediately made its way to her nipple, tongue teasing and his hand working to make the other nipple pert. She tangled her legs around him tighter, pressing him closer to her and her hands made their ways down to the opening of his pajama pants and she pulled his cock out, hands pumping and he hardened in her hands even more. He released a groan, mouth moving from her nipple to her neck and his hands pushing her underwear aside, fingers teasing her. She dropped her head on his shoulder as he worked to open her up even more, pleasure coursing through her body. When his fingers worked their magic on her clit, she knew she couldn't wait anymore—the teasing too much to handle and she needed him inside her right away. She voiced her impatience and he chuckled softly, pulling a bit back to look for a condom.

"It's okay," her voice was heavy from desire, stopping him from his search. "I'm on birth control and I'm clean," she informed him, just wanting to feel him right away. She wanted to feel _all_ of him. She trusted him and she knew he wouldn't put her at risk just like she wouldn't risk his health. He caught her eyes and gave her a tender kiss.

"Me too," he whispered and she nodded in reply, trusting him completely. His lips sealed over hers as he entered her, bare, and she gasped at the sensation, clutching him tighter. She felt so complete as he filled her and she knew no one else would be able to make her feel like this. Jay lifted her slightly so she was tethering on the edge of the sink and he started moving his hips, slowly at first to let her adjust to the pace then fastening when they began to lose all semblance of control. His hands tightened on her back, his hips thrusting in and out of her at a rapid pace and she just clung onto him, lips biting his shoulder to keep her screams in.

Jay shifted the angle a bit, allowing him deeper inside of her and she nearly came. Jay retained his pace, Erin trying to meet him thrust for thrust until she reached her climax, loud moans escaping her mouth to signify it. Jay's hips stuttered for a bit then he moved to pull out but Erin's legs held him in place, not allowing him to move and he stilled, making the most sinful sound Erin has ever heard as he came, Jay emptying inside of her.

He was a mess, Erin noticed as she came down from her high and she started to become more aware. His bare chest was flushed red—both from exertion and from her love bites—and his hair was mussed and messy from her grabbing at it, his eyes were glazed over, still incoherent and his lips were parted, panting hard. He looked like a man who abandoned all self control—unrestrained—and she selfishly loved that she was the one who got him like that. He was especially beautiful when he was completely uninhibited.

He dropped his head onto her shoulder, still breathing deeply and she let out a chuckled into the juncture of his neck. "Good?"

He could only managed to grunt in reply and she beamed, knowing that she was probably looking like a wreck too—a satisfied one—but a mess nonetheless. She needed a shower. "Want to join me for a second round in the shower?"

"In a minute," his voice was still shaky so she complied, putting her arms around him and held him in place as he gathered himself, indulging herself by leaving flitting kisses over his skin. His lips swallowed her small whimpers at the feeling of him pulling out a couple of minutes later.

"I'm a mess," she whined.

"Yeah, you are," he agreed, sounding proud of himself. He lifted her gently off the sink and carried her into the shower. "You need a shower."

She hummed an agreement as the warm water poured over them both, giving them the perfect cover to spend their morning making love in, protecting them from the cold of a Chicago winter morning.

* * *

Erin knocked on the door and slowly popped her head in, waiting for permission to enter. She smiled when Tara indicated for her to make her way in.

"Hi," she walked closer to the patient, standing next to her bed. "How you feeling?"

"Good," Tara replied, voice still sounding weak. "As well as expected, I guess." Erin held Tara's hand and rubbed it gently in comfort.

"That's good. Do you need anything?" Tara shook her head. "I'm glad that you're making really good progress. Dr. Rhodes told me that you're progressing better than they thought." Conner had shared the good news with her earlier when she first arrived at Chicago Med.

She had dropped Jay off at the station since he had to work on paperwork from the bust he made during his patrol the other night and he had already neglected it yesterday. If he had delayed it any longer, Platt would've been on his ass and Erin knew that the Sergeant was intimidating, even to an army Ranger who had seen far worse things than the scowl on Platt's face. So Jay had decided to go in a couple of hours earlier to finish the paper works while she took the opportunity to visit Tara at the hospital and see how she was doing.

"Yeah, he said that they might be recommending me to a specialist in New York," Tara said. "and that you're helping me get an appointment with this miracle worker."

Erin nodded. "Yeah, Dr. Peters. He's a friend of mine and he's amazing at his work. You'll be in great hands, I promise."

Tara reached over slowly to hold Erin's hands, her eyes tearing up. "Erin, I don't know how to begin to thank you." Erin shook her head. She didn't need the thank you. She was just happy that Tara was allowing Erin, a complete stranger, to be there for her. "No, you have gone far and beyond for me. You don't even know me but you've been there for me. I can't…." Tears began to fall down Tara's face. "I can't even thank you enough. Thank you."

Erin tightened the hold on Tara's hand. "You're welcome! Really. I'm just happy that I can be here for you."

"I don't have any family. I've always been a lone wolf and I thought I was fine with that," Tara confessed. "But I don't think I would've made it these past couple of days without having someone by my side." Tara began coughing and Erin rushed over to the edge of the bed to pour a cup of water for her. She gently brought the cup of water to Tara's mouth, helping her drink.

"You okay?" Tara nodded in reply. "Okay then just rest. Don't force yourself to talk too much."

"Thanks," Tara said, closing her eyes. Erin squeezed her hands one more time before saying goodbye.

"I'll come see you soon okay?" Erin waved and walked out of the hospital room, glad that Tara seemed to be in a better shape than she had expected.

* * *

The smell of freshly ground coffee and the smooth sound of soft jazz greeted Erin when she entered the café. She had time before she needed to head over to the district so she decided to treat her team to coffee, knowing half of them would be sleeping in and wouldn't have time to get their own. She stood in the long line, perusing over the menu board to look over the options.

When it got to her turn in line, she placed her order of drinks and a couple of pastries for Jay, after all she had burnt their breakfast because they got _distracted_. She stepped to the side to wait for her order, trying to think of how she would carry the large order out to her car. She should have thought of that before placing it since she was alone and wouldn't be able to carry all those different drinks in one trip.

"Order for Erin ready!" She heard her name being called so she stepped over to the counter, counting to make sure she had all 15 of her drinks—one for each member and a special order for Platt.

"Wow, I should've thought of this before placing the large order myself," she spoke to the barista who was standing by. "I don't…." Erin tried stacking the cup holders on top of one another but it wasn't really working. "I guess I'll have to make multiple trips."

"I'll be happy to assist you carry them to your car." Erin heard a new voice next to her. "I love being helpful, especially for a beautiful woman like you."

Erin rolled her eyes, not bothering to glance over at the man hitting on her. "No it's okay," she replied, trying to carry her drinks.

"Are you sure? Erin." Her head immediately turned at the sound of her name, the man finally catching her attention. Her eyes landed on a stranger, a man Erin hasn't seen before smiling at her. Her eyes moved past his unremarkable nose and lips and her breath hitched when she saw his eyes, a chill running up her arms. She knew those eyes, there were something familiar about them.

"Ma'am!" Her eyes remained on the man as she stood stupefied. "Ma'am!" The barista yelled out, snapping Erin's attention to her. "Here, I found a box and we can put your drinks here so you can carry them out to your car." Erin looked down at the box the barista mentioned and found that her drinks were already neatly stacked and organized in the short time in the box Erin's attention was caught on the man.

"Thanks," she mumbled, handing the barista a tip and she turned back to the face the man only to find him gone. "What the?" She searched around the coffee shop for him. She needed to find him. His eyes, there were something familiar about them.

Erin's eyes landed on a figure walking past the window of the coffee shop. "I'll be back. Just watch my drinks!" She called out to the barista, not bothering to wait for a reply and she ran out the door to follow the figure. She searched around the parking lot, eyes seeking out the man but it was too late, the man was gone. She stood there, dumbfounded, for a second. She made her way back in to grab her drinks and quickly walked to her car, making her way back to the district as fast as she can.

The whole ride there, she couldn't help but think that she just stared into the eyes of Stanley.

* * *

She quickly climbed the stairs to the bullpen, drinks heavy in her hand. Rollins was waiting for her at the top of the stairs, immediately coming over to help with the drinks. Erin handed the box over and Amanda took the drinks into the break room.

A few steps into the bullpen and her eyes immediately landed on the whiteboard that was now filled completely with information with a picture pasted in the center, a pair of eyes staring back at her. The same eyes she saw in the coffee shop. Erin walked closer to the whiteboard, looking at the picture close up. There was nothing remarkable about most of his features—just features of stereotypical white male and she could certainly why witnesses might have confused him for Yates if the top half of his face was covered with a hat. His eyes were a whole different story. Even in the still picture, she saw the coldness in them, this simmering sinister look in them, the same look she saw in Yates' eyes. She felt her stomach dropped. It was Stanley in the coffee shop and she had let him walk away.

"Thanks for the coffee Lindsay," Antonio's voice broke her gaze on the picture and she just nodded, distractedly. "You okay?"

Erin shook her head. "No." Antonio frowned at her answer. "No. This is Stanley Rappaport? Yates' son?" She pointed to the picture.

"Yeah," Amanda replied, walking over to her. "That analyst pulled his latest driver license's picture. Why? You've seen him before?"

"I've seen him."

"At the crime scenes? Did you recognized him from the alley? Or from Kim's apartment?"

"At the coffee shop earlier," Erin replied. "He came up to me."

"He approached you? Without a mask?" Amanda asked, surprised at the revelation. "He let you see his face? Erin! This is serious."

"What's going on?" Jay asked as he and the rest of the team exited the break room with their drinks in their hands. "What's serious?"

Erin sighed. "I saw Stanley at the coffee shop earlier. Only I didn't know it was him, until now."

"He came up to you?" Jay asked. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Erin replied. "Like I said I didn't know it was him. Only that his eyes looked familiar. I didn't put it together until I was on my way here that it might've been him. I tried to follow him and chase him before he left but he just disappeared. I swear I just turned for one second to talk to the barista and he was just gone." She was rambling and she knew it but she was shaken now that she could put a face to the name.

"It's fine," Kim came up to her to placed a hand on her arms in comfort. "You didn't know."

"But it does mean he's stepping things up," Olivia interjected. "He had always hidden his face so we wouldn't know who he was or how he looked like but if he's revealing himself to you then he might be planning something big."

"Yeah but maybe he believes we still think it's Yates, not him," Erin argued. "He has no clue that we're onto him or that Yates had a son." An idea came to Erin's head. "We could use that to our advantage." She glanced over at Jay and saw his brows narrowed. It seemed as though he already had an inkling of what her plan would involve. "He's trying to befriend me so why don't we let him?"

Her team members hesitated, shaking their heads. "No, just hear me out okay?" Erin quickly interrupted. "He thinks that he's one step ahead of us. He wanted us to believe that Yates was still alive and that he was behind all of this. He doesn't know that we know his identity. He came up to me for a reason. We could use that against him. Make him think he's winning while we play dumb and get as much info out of him until he incriminates himself then we swoop in and take him down."

She looked around at her members' faces, hoping she convinced them enough to at least give her plan a try.

"Lindsay," Kevin called out. "We have more information on this Stanley." He handed her a folder, gesturing her to look through it. She opened up the folder, reading through the content of it.

"Most of his records were sealed, probably because his parents paid for it to be like that but the analyst was able to unseal some of it," Adam explained.

"St. Anne's Mental Institution," Erin read out loud. "He was in a mental hospital?"

"His parents admitted him when he was 15 and he stayed there until he was 18 when he became legal," Adam said, giving more details to what he found out about Stanley. "He was there for a whole laundry list of symptoms. You name it, you'll find it. Torturing of animals at a young age, rage episodes, so on and so on but the official diagnosis was bipolar disorder with psychotic features."

Erin took in the information. It was evident from the file that the institution had that Stanley was truly a disturbed person. Disturbed enough that his adopted parents deemed it necessary to admit him to the hospital.

"Yeah so that's a whole bag of crazy in that one," Fin said. "So I don't think it's a good idea to go poke the bear just yet."

"And we won't," Voight stated, his tone leaving no room for argument. "We'll do things by the law and by the books. Get evidence on him by following protocol."

Erin scoffed to herself. Of course now was the time Voight wanted to do things the right way when he had no problems bending the rules or going outside the box to make an arrest before. He had obviously been spending too much time with Olivia that he was becoming a stickler for rules.

"Get the State Attorney on the phone," Voight ordered and Kevin immediately complied. "We need a warrant to search his house. Tell Steve Kot that we have reasonable belief that he's the culprit and he's behind all this." Kevin nodded. "And we need to talk to his parents."

Adam raised his hands. "Can't do boss. We tried to reach out to them but their main office said that they are away on vacation and have been for the past three months."

"Who goes on vacation that long?" Kim questioned.

"Well, when you're freaking loaded like them, they can afford to get away from the Chicago winter," Adam replied. "I know I'd rather be in South Beach than here."

Voight rolled his eyes. "Just get the warrant."

* * *

"You okay?" Jay crouched down next to Erin's chair. She looked up from reading Stanley's file and looked at him.

"Yeah," she smiled at him. "Don't worry about me." She discreetly reached to caress his hands that were lying on the desk. "I have something for you." She wanted to distract him. He raised his brows in intrigue and she reached over and pulled out the pastry bag, handing it over to him discreetly. "Just for you. Don't let others see it."

He peeked into the bag, smiling when finding food inside. "Just for me? I guess I must be special."

Erin rolled her eyes, amused. "Take it as my apology for burning breakfast earlier." After all she was the one who burned their last two remaining bagels when they lost time in the shower so they had to forego breakfast.

"Mmm, don't worry. It was worth it," he winked, getting up and heading over to his desk. She gave him another fond roll of the eyes as he sat across from her, biting happily into the croissant.

* * *

"Yeah I'm not taking this to the judge," Steve Kot, the State Attorney, shook his head. "There's not enough evidence for a warrant. Heck, there's not even enough circumstantial evidence where I can reasonably take the case to a judge and be granted a warrant."

Erin sighed, shaking her head in frustration. She wasn't exactly surprised that Kot would be denying their request for a warrant to search Stanley's home. After all, all they had to go on was her wild theory and at best, a few shaky evidence.

"The DNA result said that the guy who attacked two of my officers at home has a 50% DNA match to Yates," Voight argued. "We have this woman who was raped by Yates admitting that she was raped and impregnated by him and that she gave up the baby."

"Is the woman willing to make a formal statement?" Erin and Jay exchanged looks, knowing that Maggie wouldn't. Her husband and her children had no idea about what happened to her and she wasn't going to tell them.

"No, I don't think so," Erin replied. "The DNA evidence that was under my finger nail, that's not enough?"

Kot sighed. "Not when we can't even effectively connect this DNA evidence to this Stanley Rappaport. All you have so far is this 50% match to Yates but no evidence of who the DNA belongs to. It might as well belong to a John Doe and that's the way the judge is going to see it."

"You know judges sign warrants all the time especially if you're the one making the case," Jay interjected. "If you bring the case to a judge, there's a higher chance of getting it approved."

Kot started packing up his briefcase. "I'm sorry guys. Wish I could help you but I'm not risking my reputation and career on this without more evidence. Or at the very least, I need to know for sure that the DNA underneath Detective Lindsay's fingernail belonged to Stanley Rappaport. Then maybe I will take the risk and bring it to the judge." He gave everyone another look of apology then walked out of the bullpen.

Carisi slammed his desk in frustration. "Great! So no warrant!"

"What's next then Lieutenant?" Rollins questioned. "Wait for this Stanley to slip up and hope he leaves some incrimination evidence behind?"

Olivia solemnly nodded. "Unfortunately, that is looking to be the case."

"So the way to catch this guy is to wait for another innocent woman to be raped and set on fire and maybe even killed."Adam's words were harsh but true. If they couldn't find any more evidence to take to Kot, a search warrant wouldn't be coming their way. If they can't even obtain a measly search warrant, how would they fare when they have to request an arrest warrant? How many more innocent women would have to be hurt until the team can do their job properly and stop Stanley?

* * *

Jay found Erin lying on the couch when he got home, the television was on but she didn't seem to be paying attention to it. He dropped off the bags he was carrying on the kitchen counter and made his way over to Erin, crouching down in front of her.

"Hey." He ran his fingers through her hair. She just gave him a small smile but he would take it. After getting bad news from Kot that they wouldn't be getting the search warrant just yet, Erin had been disappointed and quiet. He couldn't blame her, especially since the case seemed personal to her and Stanley focused on Erin. Jay wasn't exactly thrilled about the fact that this Stan seemed confident enough to approach Erin, to walk up to her and let her see his face. Either he was that confident that Erin wouldn't know that he existed or he wanted her to know how he looked like. Neither of the options sounded good to Jay.

He had tried his best earlier to keep his worry down, not to fuss over her too much while they were at work. Even though he and Erin had decided on not keeping their relationship a secret to the team, neither of them were the type of start displaying open public display of affection at work. Especially for Jay because Voight seemed to be watching his every move like a hawk.

Voight was the least of Jay's worries right now though. Right now his focus was solely on Erin and how he can cheer her up. He didn't want her dwelling on what happened earlier, didn't want her fixated on what she could've done—being hard on herself like she always tend to do. Jay brushed his fingers across her eyebrows, smoothing the furrow he found there, wanting to do something—anything—to put a smile on her face and the dimples that he loved so much would show.

"So you up for doing something tonight?" he asked her. She looked back at him in curiosity before nodding slowly. "Yeah?" He was surprised that she would agree so easily but he certainly wasn't complaining. He held her hand and helped her up, wrapping his arms around her. "Dress warm."

* * *

"So this is where you've taken me," Erin said as she looked around at the crowd and the many different stalls at the holiday bazaar. "I thought it would just be Molly's or something."

Jay shook his head, wrapping his arm around her shoulder. "No. I wanted to take you somewhere special." The Holiday bazaar in the City Center had always been special to both of them. Erin had taken him here for the first time during their first Holidays as partners and they spent hours just walking around the different stalls, eating and sampling different foods and him holding Erin's bags as she browsed, getting her Christmas shopping done. That tradition had continued on the next year and the years they spent together as a couple, only a lot more kissing was involved then. It had been one of Jay's favorite things to do with Erin.

He had to admit that he was initially surprised at Erin's enthusiasm for the Holidays. For some reason, he had thought that she would be the type to begrudge the usually cheerful season—maybe because of her tough childhood and maybe because Erin was usually the type that liked to go against the crowd. So imagine his surprise when during their first Holidays season spent together as partner, she, in all oof her excitement, dragged him to do all the holiday activities she could think of. They had picked her tree together and he had the pleasure of dragging the tree three flights up to her place then helping her decorate the tree, Erin filling the tree with the handmade ornaments she had gotten from the bazaar. He didn't admit it to her at the time but maybe that was when he started falling in love with her. He just saw the happiness and the big smile she had on her face and he just remembered thinking that he would do anything to keep them there.

"Wow, I missed this. It's so beautiful here!" Jay had missed it too. He couldn't bring himself to come here the past couple of years without Erin. It wouldn't have been the same without her. The bazaar was nice and beautiful but it was her presence that made it magical for him. Erin stopped looking at all the Christmas lights and decorations in awe and sniffed around excitedly. "Is that what I think I'm smelling?"

Jay sniffed his nose, searching for what Erin was talking about when a delicious smell hit his nostrils. "Yep." He smiled at her. "That would be the smell of your favorite Holiday drink here."

"Mmm, my warm spiced apple cider," Erin moaned excitedly, looking around for the stall that sold it. "There!" She pointed to a stall and the long line that wrapped around it. "We have to get some!" She exclaimed, practically dragging him there. Jay followed, chuckling at her excitement. He was right, this place would definitely cheer her up and that was all he wanted.

"Ooh they have eggnog too," Erin said as they stood in line, waiting their turn. "Does that sound good to you?"

"Yeah it does," Jay answered. "But only because I actually like eggnog." He gave Erin a look, knowing that she wasn't a fan of eggnog.

Erin shrugged. "Yeah," she muttered, rubbing her hands together to keep warm. "I don't know why but it sounds good to me tonight." She seemed to be in thought, quiet then she threw her hands up. "I can't decide!" she whined.

"You could just get both," Jay reasoned. "It's the holiday season. It's time to indulge."

Erin shook her head. "No. I can't finish both. I can make a decision," she said determined. Jay laughed at her resolve. "Eggnog, apple cider. Eggnog? Apple cider?" she muttered to herself.

Finally it was their turn in line and the salesgirl looked at them, ready to take their order. "Did you decide babe?"

"Eggnog!" Erin decided, smiling up at Jay. He knew she'd regret that decision later but kept his thought to himself, relaying her order of eggnog and his order of apple cider to the girl and paying for the drinks. He held her gloved hands and intertwined their fingers together as they stepped to the side to wait for their order, wrapping his arm around her when they were away from the crowd of the line in an attempt to keep her warm. It was an especially cold night and perhaps it wasn't the best idea to be out and about walking around when the temperatures hit that low but he knew if Erin was going to put herself through the torture of being out in the cold Winter night, it'd be for this only. Besides, it gave him an excuse to keep her close.

Finally their order was ready and Jay weaved his way through the crowd to pick up their drinks, quickly making his way back to Erin. She happily grabbed her order, the hot drink helping to warm her hands. He waited for her reaction as she took the first sip of her eggnog. "Well?"

She pursed her lips together and took another quick sip. He could already tell her thoughts before she replied. "It's good," she said, her tone indicating the opposite. "It's fine."

He cocked his brows at her, not believing her for a second. He took a sip of his own cider, the warm liquid soothing his tongue with its deliciousness. "Mmm," he groaned. "So good!"

"You're doing that on purpose!" Erin pouted, giving him a glare. He quickly shook his head, denying her accusation.

"No, I'm serious! It's so good!" he claimed. "Here, have a sip!" He handed his drink to her, holding her drink in his hand and watched as she took a sip of his drink, eyes brightening the instant she tasted the cider. "See? Now you remember how good it is right?"

"Maybe," Erin mumbled before exchanging their drinks again. "My eggnog is good too."

Jay shrugged, tilting his head back to take another sip, his eyes catching Erin looking longingly at the cup in his hands instead of the one in her. He sighed, rolling his eyes. "You want to trade, don't you?"

"What? No!" Erin denied quickly, shaking her head, though the expression on her face said the opposite. She paused for a second. "Maybe," she admitted, sheepishly. He rolled his eyes again, more in fondness than annoyance, and just held his drink out. She grinned widely at the offer and exchanged their drinks so she was the one enjoying the cider instead. He shook his head, adoringly, knowing that it was going to happen the second she ordered the eggnog.

"Have I mentioned you're the best?" Erin gave him a peck on the cheek in appreciation. "The best."

"Yeah you have. Many times actually. And I know." Erin pouted at his remarks and she looked so damn cute that he couldn't stop himself from leaning in and kissing the pout away, tasting the lingering sweet taste of the cider on her lips. "Mmm, so good." She scrunched her nose, her face showing her dimples and he just wrapped her in his arms.

* * *

Erin was enjoying her night, just strolling around and browsing leisurely with Jay by her side. She loved this bazaar so much. It had been her favorite thing to do as soon as it hit December and the holidays decorations started going up. Jay had always indulged her love for this place even before they got together and she felt her heart filled with affection for him that he still remembered and had been thoughtful enough to bring her here, knowing she needed the distraction and something good to focus on. She never took time to do things like this in New York, mostly because she never felt comfortable or at home there enough. Also the lack of someone to share it with played a part. She didn't want to spend her holidays or do her holidays traditions with just anyone. She rather spent it with someone she loved or she was fine spending it alone, latter being her choice the past couple of years.

She stopped at the stall selling handmade holiday decorations and her eyes lingered on the beautiful and fragile ornaments that were on display. They were always her favorite and she always bought a couple every year to add to her tree. She was tempted to buy a few beautiful ones she had her eyes on but the lack of concrete plans for Christmas stopped her.

"You should get them," Jay said, noticing her looking at the glittering ornaments so icy blue they were almost white. Erin shook her head slowly.

"I don't have a tree."

"We could get a tree." Erin looked up at Jay at his words, voice soft almost as if he was gauging her reaction. "We could get a tree together," he repeated, gazing into her eyes.

Her expression softened. "Really?" She wasn't sure if she'd even still be in Chicago come Christmas but she was already in love with idea of getting a Christmas tree with Jay, decorating it and celebrating Christmas with Jay. "I might be back in New York by then." After all, Christmas was still almost three weeks away. Who knows what could happen with the case or with them by then?

"So?" He shrugged as if it wasn't a big deal. Maybe it wasn't to him. "We could still get a tree. Celebrate Christmas early. It doesn't matter if it's on the actual date. What matters is that we spend it together. Right?" She agreed, indicating as such with her head. "I…um…I put in for some personal days." He confessed, almost sounding nervous. "I don't know what your plans were for Christmas but I thought I could take a few days off, spend them with you."

Her eyes glistened. "Really?"

"Yeah." He licked his lips. "I don't know. I just thought that if you were gonna be back in New York then I can fly out and spend Christmas with you. Or if you were still here, then we could just spend it together. It's up to you and only if you want. I just….I just want to be with you." She cut off his ramblings with a kiss, putting as much affection and love into the kiss as she can so he knew without a doubt that there was no one else she'd rather spend the holidays with. She was satisfied when she pulled back and found his lips red and swollen. "I'll take that as a yes." He grinned, eyes crinkling at the corner the way she loved so much.

"Let's get a tree," she agreed, capturing his lips again, cursing the fact that they were in public so she couldn't have her way with him the way she wanted to. "A big one." She demanded. Jay easily obliged, picking up the ornaments she had her eyes on and handing them over to the vendor.

"We'll take these," he said, getting his wallet out to buy the ornaments for Erin. She beamed at him, wrapping her hands around his arm, the smell of his cologne hitting her. He was amazing, Erin thought, as she watched him look around for more ornaments they could buy to add to their collection. He was her tower of strength, her pillar of hope and she had never felt this unwavering love for anyone else other than him. He caught her eyes—smirking when he caught her staring at him—and he tugged her closer to his chest, leaving a delicate kiss on her forehead that warmed her all over.

* * *

With the bag of beautiful ornaments in her purse and a cup of apple cider in her hand, Erin was a happy woman, content to spend the rest of the night with a casual stroll with Jay's arms around her—just taking the beautiful Christmas lights in. They slowly made their way through the bazaar, almost aimlessly, enjoying the sights and sounds of the crowd. They walked the covered path underneath hundreds of twinkling Christmas lights and their attention was caught by the riffs of a saxophone and piano, beginning to play a beautiful instrumental rendition of "_Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas_".

Erin's attention was rapt on the beautiful melody, the skillful ministrations of the saxophone and she stood in place, in awe. Jay stood behind her, bringing his large coat around her and gently wrapping her in his arms. Her hands went to his that were resting on her stomach and she felt him press his lips to the back of her head, taking a deep breath. She could've stayed like that forever, just the soft music playing in the background as she remained wrapped up in his embrace, warm and safe while new snow softly began falling around them. She glanced around at the other couples beginning to dance to the song, the ambiance too romantic not to and she smiled. She and Jay were definitely not the type to start dancing in the streets and she had no desire to change that at the moment. Instead, she just followed Jay's lead as he softly swayed their bodies side to side, standing in place, his lips on the curve of her neck. She didn't think she ever felt this happy before, she certainly couldn't recall the last time she felt this way. Even as the last ending notes of the song scattered into the air, disappearing as fast the falling snowflakes, she remained in his hold, steadying her.

She finally turned in his arms as the band started playing "_Please Come Home for Christmas"_, one of Erin's favorite Christmas song and she gazed up at him, his eyes glistening, bluer than she had ever seen them before, standing out against the soft lights and the blankness of the white snow. She was so in love with this man, her heart was practically bursting at the seams.

He tenderly brought his fingers to her face, grazing her cheeks and lightly thumbing her lips. She couldn't stop her smile and his finger traveled over to the concaves on her face, his thumbs pressing into the indentations. She brought her arms around his neck, fingers playing with the soft hairs on his nape. With the falling white snow, the slow song playing in the background and Jay looking perfect as ever with his crinkling eyes and heart stopping smiles, she felt like she was in a movie—the perfect ending where the two leads come together for a big dramatic kiss. She knew her life wasn't a fairytale—it certainly wasn't a movie—but Jay just made her feel special like she was a Princess, a star, everything wonderful that she was not.

She knew she wanted to spend her Christmas, all of her Christmas—past, present and future—just like this. With him. She knew she would do anything to hold onto it. She would fight for him—for their future—certainly no crazy psycho with a vendetta would stop her. She'd make sure of it.

* * *

A familiar smell welcomed her as she made her way into the shop, ready to execute her plan. She was by herself just like she had wanted, making sure to stop by the district first to drop Jay off before heading to the coffee shop she was at yesterday. A huge part of her felt guilty that she was doing this by herself—a secret—but she knew it needed to be done. She stood in line, pretending to ponder over the menu, as if she was having a hard time deciding on what type of coffee to get. Then she deliberately made her way into the restroom, putting her plan in action.

She gave it a few minutes, making sure that her actions seemed normal as possible before exiting the restroom, heading back over to the counter. She subtly glanced around the room, looking for a particular face, her heart thudding when she spotted it sitting a few tables away.

She stepped out of line, slowly made her way over to her target and tapped her finger on the table to get his attention. "Hi," her voice was raspy but she tried to steady it as best she can. "I just wanted to say thank you for offering to help yesterday and wanted to apologize for being rude. So um, can I buy you a drink?"

"Sure, I'd love a drink." He replied smoothly as he looked up and Erin stared into the eyes of Stanley Rappaport.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

"I'm Erin Lindsay, by the way," Erin placed a cup of coffee in front of Stanley before sitting down across from him and taking off her leather gloves.

"Stanley Rappaport but just call me Stan," the man smiled, shaking her hands. Erin tried to keep her hand steady as she shook the hands of Yates' son. "Thanks for the coffee by the way."

"Oh no problem. Like I said, I just wanted to apologize for being rude yesterday. After all you were just offering to help."

"You'll come to find out that I am a very helpful person Erin."

"I hope so," Erin replied, studying the man in front of her. He was barely out of his teenage years but he seemed so much older than his age of early 20's. She could definitely see the resemblance to his father—same eyes and nose—but just enough features of his mother to differentiate him from Yates. "Hard to find a nice guy these days."

Stan chuckled. "Well, you found one," he said, taking a sip of his coffee. "And I've found a beautiful new friend. So what do you do Erin?"

"I'm a cop. How about you? You still in school? College?"

Stan shook his head and leaned back in his seat. "College isn't for me. I'm on a more different journey."

"So you're the type that thinks they need to find themselves?" Erin asked, crossing her arms.

Stan gave her a look before a smirk came over his face. "I'm more about fulfilling my destiny. Tell me Erin, you believe in fate?"

"No. Not really."

"Well, that's too bad. Because you see, I think there is a path that everyone must take. You might not know what yours is right away but it'll find you eventually," Stan explained. "Then it'll be totally clear what you have to do or in some cases, what's gonna happen to you."

Erin quirked her brow. "To fulfill my destiny?"

"You laugh now," Stan replied, chuckling. "But everyone'll get what's coming to them. You'll get yours Erin. It's just a matter of time."

Erin felt a chill ran up her spine at his thinly veiled threat. "What's coming to me?" she questioned. "Meaning?"

Greg took a long sip, seeming to ponder over his answer. "You'll see soon. In due time. Here's the thing Erin. Some people are meant to fulfill their destiny, follow the footsteps that have been put in front of them. Then there are others, they're mere pawns, just roadblocks."

"And I'm more the latter?"

"I barely know you Erin," Stan laughed. "A pawn? I wouldn't know."

Erin leaned in closer. "One thing you need to know, I'm definitely not a pawn. For anyone."

He laughed out loud. "You like to think you're strong willed."

"I know I'm strong," Erin replied, face serious.

"Everyone likes to think that until they find out how weak they really are and how vulnerable they can be," Stan retorted, finishing his drink. "Just a word of advice because I'm such a helpful person. Life can be very surprising. One minute you think you have the upper hand then the next, you get burned," he smirked. "Metaphorically speaking, of course."

"I'm not scared," Erin steeled her voice. The last thing she wanted was for Stan to know that he can get to her. It was obvious by his words that he knew why she approached him. That it wasn't merely a coincidence that she was talking to him. He didn't seem shaken by his identity being found out.. In fact, he seemed pretty confident, sitting across from her. Easy going as if he didn't have a care in the world, like he couldn't be caught that he just murdered three women and seriously hurt another. Erin wished she could wipe that smirk off of his face. "In fact, I welcome the challenge. I'm ready for it."

Stan got up from his seat and closed his coat. He walked over to Erin's side and leaned down so he was leveled with her face. "You know what they say. Be careful what you wish for. Goodbye Erin. I'll see you again soon," he whispered in her ear. He gave her one last smirk and walked out of the coffee shop.

Erin let out the breath she was holding. She hated to admit it but she was left shaken by him. She tried to shake it off, to steady herself, determined to not let him get to her. She looked across the table and saw what she came for, the reason why she approached him in the first place. She got out the Ziploc bag from her purse, carefully grabbing the coffee cup Stan just drank out of with a napkin and putting it into the bag, closing it. Hopefully, her plan would work and it would be enough to get the search warrant they needed.

* * *

Erin searched out Kim in the bullpen, hoping to find her friend alone so she could execute the second part of her plan. She spotted her in the break room, alone, and Erin made a beeline to her.

"Kim," the woman looked up at Erin calling her name, giving Erin a big smile. "Do you have plans for tonight?"

Kim shook her head. "Nothing. I mean nothing important anyways. I was just planning on just vegging out in front of the t.v and catch up on some shows. Why? What's up?"

"You want to go out for dinner? My treat?" Erin questioned. "Just us two?"

Kim perked up. "Ooh like a girls' night?" Erin shrugged. "Okay, yeah!" Kim looked out the window, into the bullpen. "We might have to ditch our two security guards." She gestured over to where Jay and Adam were standing together, talking. "I know Adam means well but he's been driving me crazy with his overprotectiveness. He's been hovering over me and I love him and all but if I have to spend another night with him fussing over me like I'm some damsel in distress, I might just strangle him."

"Yeah, you definitely need a night out." Erin laughed at Kim's frustration. Jay was protective, for sure, but at least he seemed to know when Erin needed comfort and knew when to back off a little and give her some space, be more subtle in his attempt to protect her. Adam, on the other hand, seemed to have the subtlety of a bull in a china shop. "Then I'll see you tonight."

* * *

"This is a trick. I can't believe you lied to me!" Kim complained as she signed the form requesting for the lab work to be done. Erin gave her a look of apology while keeping her eyes on the lab technician carefully handling the cup that Stan drank from, the evidence that she collected without her team knowing. She felt bad that she had lied to Kim to get her alone but she really needed her help.

"I'm sorry," she offered, trying to sound as contrite as she possibly could. "But I needed your badge to get the lab work done."

"Yeah that's not the part I'm really talking about," Kim said harshly under her breath so no one can hear their conversation. "I'm more talking about the fact that you went and talked to Stan without anyone knowing and now you're going behind everyone's back to get this thing done. And you've dragged me into this."

"Okay Burgess," the lab worker came over, interrupting their conversation. "You want the DNA test done, match it with what we have on file and…"

"A print match," Erin finished. The lab worker gave Erin a look. "Oh I'm a cop too. Just from New York."

"Oh I remember you. Detective Lindsay right?" Erin nodded. "Good to see you again. Okay, I'll put a rush on this like you asked but it'll be tomorrow morning at the earliest."

"That's fine," Erin replied, just happy that she was willing to get it done as soon as possible. "One of us will pick up the results. Thanks." The lab technician just nodded in reply and Erin and Kim left the forensic lab.

"You owe me a drink," Kim stated. "And a burger. I'm getting fries and dessert too."

"Deal." Erin smiled, looping her arms around Kim's and directed them to her car.

* * *

"What did you tell Jay you were doing tonight?" Erin looked up from her burger, mid-bite, at Kim's question. They had decided on the diner that Kim always came to for breakfast and Kim had ordered a huge burger, fries, and a milkshake for herself on Erin of course and she had ordered the same thing.

"I told him that I was taking you out for dinner, which I'm doing." Erin waved her hands, pointing out the food they had on the table.

Kim scoffed. "Yeah I don't think technicality is going to work when Jay finds out what we did earlier." Erin had to agree. She knew he'd be pissed, not to mention the wrath she'll face from Voight and Olivia for going behind their backs. "You know they're going to have to find out eventually right?"

"I know," Erin sighed, suddenly the food not tasting so good anymore. "And I know how everyone's gonna react, they'll be so pissed. But I don't know," she shrugged. "I just think if we can get the evidence to convince at least Steve Kot and get the search warrant, it's all worth it."

Kim didn't look convinced at Erin's reasoning. "Kim, I know you're mad too. And I'm sorry that I lied to get you out here and dragged you into this."

"I told you it's not about dragging me," Kim snapped. "It's about you doing this behind everyone's back. And you going up to Stan by yourself without anyone knowing? Come on Erin. You know how dangerous he is. He attacked us in my home. What if something happened to you?"

"I know that Voight and Olivia were never really going to approve the idea," Erin explained. She wanted Kim to at least know where she was coming from. "It's not about lying to the team or going behind their back or me thinking I know better. But the thought of waiting until someone else gets hurt so maybe there's a chance he might leave evidence behind? That's not enough for me."

Kim remained quiet, eating her fries. Finally, she sighed and looked up at Erin. "Yeah I get it," she admitted. "I don't like the idea of waiting until there's another victim either. They're gonna blow the gasket when they find out tomorrow."

Erin reached over the table to place her hands over Kim's. "I am sorry for dragging you into this. I don't want to force you to lie to Adam. And tomorrow, I'm taking the responsibility for this okay? It was my idea so I'll take the heat."

Kim waved her apology off. "It's okay. I guess it's not technically a lie since we are out for dinner." They shared a chuckle. "So what's Jay doing tonight?"

"He said he had plans with Will," Erin replied. After Erin had told Jay of her plans for the night, he had taken the opportunity to spend some time with Will, having been too occupied to spend time with his brother lately. Erin guessed she'd been monopolizing all of Jay's free time but she couldn't bring herself to feel sorry, no matter how much she loved Jay's relationship with his brother. "How about Adam?"

"Poke game with Atwater," Kim answered, rolling her eyes. "I swear, they spend more time together than Adam does with me." Erin laughed. "Not that I'm his girlfriend or anything but just that you know…you'd think that he would.."

"Kim. Kim, it's okay," Erin stopped Kim's rambling, amused at her friend. "I get it. You and Adam, it's complicated." Kim gave her a smile.

"What about you and Jay? Complicated still?" Erin thought of an answer to give to Kim. Maybe it was complicated with her and Jay at the beginning but she didn't feel that way anymore. Her and Jay getting back together felt so right and easy, even though the events leading up to it weren't. To Erin, it felt like it was always meant to be. Even though she had told Stan that she didn't believe in fate or destiny, she couldn't deny that she thought that she'd belonged with Jay always, like she was always meant to be with him and him only. But that was far too mushy and personal of a thought to share with Kim.

"No," she replied. "Not complicated anymore."

Kim raised her eyebrow at Erin's answer. "So you guys are officially back together then?" Erin nodded, a happy smile made it way to her face. "Have you guys talked about what you're gonna do when the case is over? Long distance?"

"Sort of," Erin said, recalling their conversations about the future of their relationship. Erin knew what she wanted for their future. She wanted to spend the rest of her life with Jay, whether she was in New York or wherever else she may end up in the future. She'd never ask Jay to leave his home, Chicago, for her so if they had to make it work long distance then she was willing to do that. "We're going to make it work, even when I have to go back. We're spending Christmas together and after that, we'll just take it one day at a time."

Kim gave Erin a genuine smile, happiness evident on her face for her friend. "I'm really happy for you guys. Take it one day at a time then. That's all you can do right?" Erin nodded at Kim, that was all they can do.

* * *

Erin was surprised to find that Jay was home when she got back to his place. She was expecting him to still be out with Will but here he was, sitting at the dining table, browsing something on his laptop. "Babe," she called, getting his attention. She quirked her brows, curiosity raised when he was taken off guard by her presence and immediately closed his laptop.

"You're back early!" Jay responded. "I thought you'd be a lot longer."

Erin walked over to the table, taking the seat next to Jay. "We just had dinner. I thought you were going to be with Will. Kinda early to be back for a guys' night out isn't it?"

"Will had to cancel," Jay explained. "Owen came down with a fever so he stayed home to take care of him." It was certainly strange to Erin to hear about Will becoming a future step-father to Owen, him taking on the father duties. When she had first met Will, Jay made it clear that Will wasn't the type to be tied down. Even Jay wasn't sure if his brother would be around day to day back then. But here he was, years later, having changed completely from that carefree and living that bachelor lifestyle to engaged, committed and he was about to take on the complete responsibility of father duties.

"He's really great with Owen huh?" Jay nodded proudly. It was obvious that Jay was happy for the change in Will's life and he was happy to see his younger brother so settled. Erin scooted her chair closer and laid her head on Jay's shoulder. "So," she began, her hands gently playing with his fingers. "What were you looking at on the computer?" She felt Jay tense a bit at her question, like he was caught doing something wrong. Erin's curiosity peaked at his hesitancy to share. Jay was never secretive when it came to things like his phone or laptop. His passwords were always easy to guess. Heck that was how she found out about Abby's phone calls to him. Erin shook off those thoughts, not wanting to rehash that whole saga. It felt like a lifetime ago. Instead she gave her complete focus to Jay, waiting to see if he'll answer her question.

"Um…" He sounded so unsure that Erin was beginning to worry. "Don't freak out." Well, that was never a good thing to start a sentence like that. Usually when someone began with instruction to not freak out, it made you worry and freak out even more. Jay opened up his laptop again and shifted it so Erin could see what he was hiding. Erin glanced over at Jay before shifting her attention to what was on the screen and what has gotten Jay so nervous.

"Jay," the awe and surprise in her voice was clear as she found out what he was looking at. Several job board sites were open as well as the homepage of NYPD careers page. Jay had been looking for potential jobs in New York. Erin felt her eyes watered, her heart constricting at this information. She felt Jay watching her closely, gauging her reaction like he was nervous how she was going to react. She turned her head towards him.

"Well?" the shakiness in his voice got to Erin. "What do you think?"

"You're willing to move to New York? For me?" Erin reached over to hold Jay's hands. She didn't know how to respond. "You'd be willing to give up Intelligence?" She knew just how much Jay loved his career, how much he loved the unit. That was why she never asked him to give up his position for her. But the fact that Jay was not only willing to do so but that he was doing it without her asking, Erin didn't know that it was possible to love someone this much.

"Yeah," Jay replied, as if it was the most obvious answer in the world, like there was no doubt, no hesitation in his voice. "Erin, I love Intelligence but at the end of the day it's just a job." There was a time when their jobs meant everything to both her and Jay. When they were both unwilling to risk their careers and go against Voight for their relationship. Or maybe only Erin wasn't as she realized belatedly that Jay was about to go against Voight before she had stopped him in fear of losing what she worked so hard for and he had reluctantly complied, following her wishes. "You are more important."

But Erin didn't know if she could be that selfish. "Jay, I don't want you to give up doing what you love. As much as I'd love it if you came to New York, I can't ask you to do that."

He held her hands tighter and leaned his forehead against her. "Erin, I love being a cop. I love being a detective and I'm not giving that up. I'll just be doing that in New York instead of Chicago," Jay explained. He pulled back to look at Erin in the eyes, fingers caressing Erin's face. "The way I see it, we both love being detectives. We both love what we do. Right?" Erin nodded and Jay continued on. "Yeah, and I can be a detective in Chicago or New York or even Milwaukee and you can be a detective anywhere. The only place where you can't be what you love, what you're meant to do is here so if that means leaving Chicago then so be it. You're more important to me than a job. I'm not going to put a job above you, above us."

"Chicago is your home. It's where you grew up," Erin countered. "What about Will?"

Jay laughed softly. "I don't have any ties here, not anymore," Jay replied. "Will has his own life and soon to be his own family. We've spent most of our adult life living in different states and we'll be fine." He played with strands of Erin's hair. "As cliché as this is going to sound and you're going to make fun of me for it but," he started, eyes twinkling. "You're my home. Where you are is where I want to be, if you'll have me."

Erin's face softened, her heart thudding hard against her chest. How could Jay think that she didn't want him close. That was all she wanted. She leaned forward to capture his lips.

"It's okay if you think we're moving too fast," Jay interjected. "This is for the future. Our future. Something to look forward to."

"Our sunny days." Erin sat on Jay's lap, bringing her arms around his neck. She nuzzled their noses, both of them breathing each other in, lips ghosting each other. "You're sure about this?" She searched his eyes for the answer, she wanted him to be absolutely sure about potentially giving everything up for her. She didn't want him to wake up one day and regret choosing her over everything else in his life.

He held her eyes, sincerity and honesty shining in them. "Erin, I've been sure about this since two years ago," he confessed. "This isn't the first time I've searched for jobs in New York or thought about moving to New York. If you had just asked when you first moved there, I would have been there in a heartbeat."

"Really?"

Jay gave her a nod. He seemed so confident in his answer and his decision that it didn't room for Erin to doubt his words. Even if it sounded too good to be true to Erin—Jay in New York—she felt no fear like she usually did when good things happened to her. He caught her lips with his, pressing hard against her to emphasis his point. She understood why he was trying to say with his lips—how important she was to him. She responded back fervently, both speaking the same language with their lips and kisses, words deemed unnecessary in this case.

She separated their lips, only to immediately direct hers to his neck. She let out a sound of pleasure when she felt the bob of his Adam's apple, her mouth ghosting over the skin. He tilted his head back, giving her more room to tease him with her mouth, softly sucking the skin. Her fingers worked to pull his shirt off of him, hands moving across his chest to his collarbone. She shuddered as Jay teased the shell of her ears with his lips, her hands grabbing his shoulders. She felt him smile at her reaction and his hands trailed down her back, going underneath her shirt and massaging the skin there, pausing at the scar for a bit before resuming his actions. She connected their lips again, her hands sliding into his hair while his settled on her waist.

They pulled away, giving Erin barely enough time to take the necessary breath before he attached their lips again, his hands going under Erin's knees and lifting her up off his lap. Her arms hooked around his neck when she felt herself being carried to his bedroom, letting out a giggle, a sound of excitement at what to come and how they would spend the rest of the night.

* * *

Erin was a nervous wreck and her stomach filled with dread as the hours ticked by. She tensed every time the phone rang in the bullpen, just waiting for the phone call from Platt that would announce of Steve Kot's arrival which then everyone will find out what she did. Even though she knew what she did was necessary to move forward with the case, she hated the way she went about it. The last thing she wanted to do was to go behind everyone's back, especially Jay when things were going amazingly between them.

She glanced across the bullpen at her man, her heart filling with affection just at the sight of him. He was engrossed in reading something on his monitor, eyes focused on whatever was on there. He was a great detective—stern but fair and was completely set on doing the right thing the right way. He never faltered from fulfilling his duty, stepping up even when he didn't need to. Chicago would be losing an amazing detective if he was to move to New York with her. She still couldn't believe that he was willing to pack up his life and move to another state for her. That just made the guilt of what she did grow even more in her stomach.

"Kot is here again to see you guys," Erin gulped at Platt's announcement. That was it.

She caught everyone's confused expressions as Steve Kot made his way to the bullpen, his briefcase in hand.

"So I assume you guys have something good to tell me? That's why you requested my presence here?"

Voight frowned. "No," his tone voicing the confusion that everyone minus Kim and Erin was feeling. "We requested you?"

"Yeah," Kot said, hesistantly. "That's what my assistant said. That someone from Intelligence left a message for me to come."

"Well, there must be a mistake," Voight reasoned, shrugging. "No one requested you."

Erin stood up, interrupting Voight. "I did." She cleared her throat. "I was the one who left the message for you." She felt everyone's eyes on her and she did her best to ignore them at the moment. She had a more important task to focus on. She pulled an envelope out of her purse and handed it over to Kot, gesturing for him to open up and read the content inside. He looked at her cautiously before pulling the paper out and skimming it. She saw Voight glaring at her from the corner of her eyes, getting angrier by the second as he was being left out for the moment.

"How did you get this evidence?" Kot questioned her, holding the result of the lab test up in his hand.

"I approached him and offered to buy him a drink. Then after he finished drinking, I kept the cup and turned it into the forensic lab to do the complete testing."

"What the hell is going on here?" Voight bellowed, unable to stand idly by the sideline anymore. "You did what now Lindsay?" Kot looked surprised at Voight's outburst especially when Voight stalked over to him and ripped the paper out of his hand, reading it.

Erin ignored him for the time being, more focused on Kot. "So do you think you'll be able to get the search warrant now?"

Kot looked unsure, mulling her question over. "I don't know," he began, glancing over at Voight unsurely. "It's a good start but…"

"Come on. The DNA from the cup matched the one we got from my fingernail. Not to mention, the prints from the cup got a hit for a match with Stan Rappaport's print from his driver license. You said you needed more proof that the DNA belonged to Stan and this proves it."

"Okay," Jay finally spoke out, getting up and pushing his chair away. "Care to loop everyone in Erin?" Erin heard the clear anger in his voice, mixed with confusion and a hint of betrayal. She knew that he had figured out what she did and what was going on but he wanted to hear it from her.

Erin took a deep breath. "I went up to Stan at the coffee shop so I could get his DNA to run it against what we have on file. So we can get the search warrant for his home." She crossed her arms, trying to look strong under the spotlight, the opposite of what she was feeling inside. She didn't want to look at Jay, knowing that she'll see the look of disappointment and anger written on it.

Kot sighed. "Fine, I'll see what I can do. I think this might just be enough for the warrant. But the earliest I can get one is tomorrow if I can get in to see Judge Lyndons. He's usually more open to listen to me."

"Thank you, really." Kot gave everyone one last glance, like he knew what was about to go down as soon as he left, and exited the bullpen, taking the DNA result with him.

"Lindsay, we need to speak," Olivia demanded. "Now!" Erin cringed inwardly at Olivia's tone of voice. The Lieutenant was usually calm and easy going but Erin knew she crossed the line. She wasn't exactly surprised at the reaction from her. But if the anger in Olivia's voice was anything to go by, she didn't even want to think about how much Voight will chew her out when they're alone in his office.

She followed Olivia and Voight into his office, bypassing a pissed off Jay who was glaring at Erin, hands cocked on his hips. That was the third person she didn't want to face. She gingerly closed the office door, bracing herself for the worst as she turned to face the two higher ranking people in her life.

"Before you begin," Erin started but was cut off by the loud slam of Hank's hands on the desk. She flinched, taken aback by the noise.

"You don't speak!" Hank roared. "You don't get to speak right now!" Erin nodded meekly. She had seen Voight mad, she had seen him lose all semblance of control but this was a whole another level for him. She had a feeling that if Voight could throttle her without damage being done, he would. "What the fuck were you thinking Erin?!" She remained quiet, thinking it was a rhetorical question. "Now you don't want to talk? You seemed pretty chatty when Kot was here! Or when you went up to a psychopath and talked to him! Huh? Answer me!"

"Hank," Olivia stepped in. "Just let's all calm down for a bit okay?" She turned to Erin. "Why Erin? Why would you go behind our backs, disobey my direct order and do this?"

"I wanted to get the search warrant and I thought this was the only way."

Olivia sighed. "You know I care about you right? Ever since I've met you, I felt this connection to you. Maybe I just saw you as a younger version of me, someone who wants to solve everything, make everything right," Olivia said, hands in her jacket. "Perhaps because of that, I've never really asserted my authority. Because at the end of the day Erin, I am your Lieutenant. You know I hate pulling rank and I've never saw the need to do so with you but maybe now I should." Erin gave her a small nod, hating that she had put Olivia, someone who was so kind and good to her in this position. "You went directly behind my back, didn't follow my order and put yourself at risk because you thought you knew better."

"Olivia, I'm sorry," Erin hoped Olivia heard the sincerity in her apology because she was truly apologetic. "I didn't think I know better. I just…I don't know. I couldn't wait until another woman got hurt to move forward with the case."

"So you thought you just do what you want? Even after both of us telling you not to?" Voight sneered, unable to remain quiet by the sideline longer. "We specifically told you not to approach Stan. We told you not to put yourself as bait but you gave zero fucks about what we said because you just do what you want anyway!"

"I'm sorry," Erin repeated. "I'm sorry for going behind your backs, both of you. I'm sorry for not following your orders. But I'm not sorry for doing what I have to do to get what we need, so we can stop more innocent women from getting hurt. I hate the way I had to do it but if you ask me, would I have done it again to get this search warrant? Then you're not going to like my answer."

Voight's nostrils flared in anger, looking like he wanted to hit the wall with his fists.

"Okay then Erin, you're not going to like this either then. But until I feel like I can trust you again and that you can follow orders, I'm benching you." Olivia informed Erin. "That means you don't go anywhere doing work hours unless I tell you to do so. You don't go out on calls or any tasks unless I permit it. If you fail to follow orders again, I'll have no choice but to fire you. You understand?"

Erin nodded, feeling like a child that just got scolded. She knew she had no leg to stand on to argue her punishment so she'd just have to suck it up and take it like a big girl. "I understand."

* * *

She was expecting Jay to be waiting for her when she exited Voight's office, surprised when he was no longer in the bullpen. Kim mouthed that he was in the locker room when she noticed Erin glancing around. Erin thanked her, looking around the room at the questioning faces of her team members, knowing they were disappointed in her. She'd apologize to them later. Right now, she needed to speak to Jay and make things right.

She found him sitting on the bench in the locker room, his hands folded into fists holding his head up. He was tense and rigid and breathing hard—his whole vibe screaming 'do not approach!' Erin braved herself and stepped into the locker room, slowly taking a seat on the bench next to Jay.

Jay's head snapped up as soon as he felt her presence and he immediately stood up, getting far away from her. "Jay," she started. "I'm sorry." He didn't respond, his back facing her. She wanted to see his face, even if she was scared of finding out what will be on it. She needed to look into his eyes, so she can try to make him understand her motives. "Jay, please look at me," she begged.

He still didn't turn around. "I can't look at you right now, Erin." His voice was shaky, filled with disappointment.

"Please," she begged again. She took the chance and stepped closer to him, her fingers slowly going to his shoulder to try to turn him around. She was scared that he would brush her off and shrug off her hands but he didn't, instead turning around to look at her. She found nothing but hurt written on his face and disappointment clouded his eyes. Her heart constricted at the sight. She could handle Voight's anger, she could handle being scolded by Olivia but she couldn't handle knowing that she had let Jay down…again.

"Why?" The question was simple but she found herself lost for words. She thought she knew what she wanted to say so maybe he could see things from her side but a look at his face threw all of her explanations out the window.

"I'm really sorry Jay," she repeated, not knowing what else to say. "I'm sorry."

He sighed, his fingers scratching his forehead. "Yeah I know you are." He paused for a bit. "I…I thought you trusted me."

"I do."

"No you don't," he countered, his voice sounding so sad that it shattered Erin's heart. "Because if you did, you would've told me. You would've came to me with this and you wouldn't have gone and done this by yourself."

"Jay," she began, holding his arm, thumbs moving in circles on his skin. "I do trust you. You're the person I trust most in the world and you've been that person ever since we've became partners. I'm sorry that I didn't tell you that I went to talk to Stan but it has nothing to do with me not trusting you."

"Then why?"

Erin shrugged. "I was stubborn," she admitted. "I just wanted to do whatever it takes so we can catch Stan."

"Including putting yourself at risk," Jay retorted, anger beginning to seep into his voice. "Do you even realize what could've happened when you went up to him alone by yourself? If he had taken you or hurt you Erin, no one would've known and it might've been too late."

"I know."

"So you just don't care what happens to you then? How about everyone else in your life? You don't care about the fact that if something had happened to you, how Voight will take it, Kim your best friend. And what about me?" he broke her hold on him, beginning to pace in the small space. "Do you have any idea what it will do to me? It will destroy me!"

She wanted to take him in her arms and take away the distress he was feeling. "Jay, I'm okay."

He scoffed. "This time. You were lucky Erin." He continued pacing, one hand on his hip while the other pressed the bridge of his nose. "I just can't believe that while I was planning our future, you were busy putting yours at risk." He stopped pacing and stood in front of her. "You said you wanted a future with me."

"I do!" Erin asserted.

"So why then?" Jay questioned. "Why would you put yourself at risk? Why would you risk not having that future? Our one day?"

Erin tried to stop the tears from welling up in her eyes but couldn't as one made its way down her face. Then it was like the dam broke and she couldn't wipe the tears away fast enough. "I'm sorry," she choked. "I know I keep saying it but I don't know what else to say."

"Erin," Jay's voice was softer than before, his anger melting a little bit by her tears but she didn't want that. She didn't deserve it. He tried to reach out to her but she stepped back, she couldn't take him comforting her right now. "I don't want you to cry. I just…" he paused, looking like he was having a hard time trying to find what he wanted to say. "This guy almost got you twice. Both times were close calls and you were lucky that you didn't get hurt badly. You still have scars on your neck from last time!" He eyed the marks that were on her neck, anguish filling his face. "Do you know how helpless I felt both of those times? Hearing that you were hurt but not able to get to you in time, not being to do anything but hope for the best that you were safe. Who knows what he could've done this time and no one would've know until it was too late."

She knew that awful feeling of helpless that he was talking about. She remembered what it felt like to hear over the radio that Jay was ambushed and almost gunned down while she was across town, not being able to do anything but hope and pray that he was alright. She remembered that terrible weight pressing down on her chest while she waited for him to walk through the bullpen, that weight not letting up even after she held him in her arms, knowing that he was alright. Those splatters of blood on his jacket reminded her just how much of a close call it was. She hated herself for putting Jay through that so many times. "It was a stupid thing to do."

"Yeah it was."

"I won't do it again," she promised. She'd never want to make Jay feel like that again. He didn't say anything, just kept looking at her, almost like he didn't believe her. She couldn't blame him if he didn't. She just hoped she'd get a chance to prove herself to him. "Jay, please."

She wanted to hold him, keep him close to her but they were interrupted by a small knock, Kim poking her head in. "Sorry guys," she said, an apologetic look on her face. "Voight and Olivia are looking for you Erin." Erin gave Kim a look of acknowledgement, stating she'll be right there and Kim gave her a small smile, leaving so Erin and Jay were alone again.

"Jay," she whispered, not wanting to leave him but having no choice. "Are we okay?" Jay looked up from staring at the floor and shrugged.

"I just need some time."

She nodded, expecting it but hoping for the best. She didn't want to push him though, knowing she owed him this. He deserved to take as much time as he needed, to work through his feelings at his own pace. She just hoped that he could forgive her and that they can get past this.

"I really am sorry Jay," she said one more time and she took a chance, stepped closer to him and left a chaste kiss on his cheeks. She lingered for a moment, just wanting to be close to him for a second. She let out an exhale, having a hard time tearing herself away from him. But she didn't want to risk angering Voight and Olivia even more so she forced herself to stepped away, sending Jay one last apologetic smile before she walked out of the locker room.

* * *

Erin let out a groan, bored out of her mind. She had been placed on what she could only call as clean up duty, her task—punishment really—being organizing and cleaning up the file room by herself. She had no idea what was going on in the bullpen or what updates they have gotten on the case since she'd been isolated by herself, shredding papers and organizing old files for hours already.

She glanced over at the clock on the wall, eyes widening when she realized it was already past 8 at night. She was ready to call it a night, surely Voight didn't expect her to be doing this all night did he? She tidied up, putting away the files she organized and emptying the bin from the shredder and she made her way back up the bullpen.

"Where's everyone?" Antonio was the only person left in the bullpen. She was hoping that Jay would still be there, waiting for her so they could talk some more. She knew she was supposed to give him time but she just wanted everything to be alright between them. She couldn't stand him being mad at her.

"They left." Antonio stood up from his desk and put on his jacket. "Come on, I have strict instructions from Halstead to get you home safe." He glanced back at Erin, who was just standing there confused. "What?" he shrugged, "You didn't think he'd just leave you here by yourself without making sure you'd be okay, did you?" He clucked his tongue, snapping Erin out of her thoughts and gesturing her to get a move on.

* * *

"So Halstead's really pissed huh?" Erin nodded, looking out the car window. "Can't exactly blame him."

"I really messed up,"

"Yeah you did." Antonio confirmed, agreeing with Erin. She gave him a glare, looking out the side of her eyes. "What? You want me to lie?" he chuckled.

"You're mad at me too?"

Antonio shrugged. "Eh, I have teenagers at home so I'm used to people not listening and not following orders."

She scoffed, offended. "Did you just compare me to a teenager? Seriously messed up, Dawson." She let out a small laugh, the banter between her and Antonio distracting her momentarily from her thoughts. "I'm sorry," she sighed, turning serious again.

"For what?"

Erin gave him a look. "For not telling you guys what I was doing. You guys are my team and I should have been upfront."

"Yeah you should have," Antonio agreed. "But I guess I get why you did what you did. Don't let Voight or Halstead hear me say that." She chuckled, shaking her head. Antonio looked over at her dejected form and reached over the console to hold her hand. "Don't worry. Halstead will get over it."

"If I haven't lost him already," Erin mumbled under her breath, thinking Antonio wouldn't be able to hear her thoughts.

He let out a grunt. "What? You think after 5 years of pining over you and following you around like a lost puppy, this is what's going to send him running? Nah," he shook his head. "Just give him some time. Cut the guy some slack. He'll come around."

She studied Antonio before cautiously asking, "So you know about me and Jay?" He laughed loudly at her question.

"I am a detective," he stated. "And I have eyes. You guys seriously think you guys were being discreet or something?" Erin shook her head.

"No," she retorted. "It's just no one really said anything. Well, except for Voight," she finished, rolling her eyes. "Everyone knows that Jay and I are back together?"

"Well, I don't know about everyone but I know," Antonio replied. "Okay maybe O and I had a bet on how long it would take you two to get back together when you came back," he admitted, sheepishly. "Thanks for winning me a c-note by the way." He grinned at her and she just replied with a punch to his arms. "But I wouldn't put it past Atwater and Ruzek to be in the dark, they're always the last to know."

She just looked at Antonio in disbelief. "I can't believe you would make a bet on me and Jay!"

Antonio laughed as he parked the car in front of Jay's building. "What? It was easy money! I knew it would only be a matter of time."

Erin just gave him one fond shake of the head and exited the car. "Thanks for the ride."

"Anytime," he waved as he drove off.

* * *

Whatever distraction Antonio was able to provide her with in the car had disappeared as soon as she stepped into Jay's place and finding it empty. "Jay?" she called out but wasn't surprised when no answer came. He wasn't here. He wasn't home.

She gave him a call as she made her way to the couch, frowning when it immediately went to voicemail. She let out a deep sigh, crashing on the big couch. She looked around his place, big and cold without him there. She wanted to see his face, to talk to him so she can set things right. She wanted his arms around her, keeping her warm. She wanted to lay with him on the couch, just stay close to him but he wasn't here.

She had this feeling of dread in her stomach. Everything had been going so well between her and Jay. They were moving forward, planning their future together and looking ahead but she had to go and mess things up.

She laid down on the couch, exhausted both physically and emotionally. She just laid there, staring up at the ceiling, just hoping that she didn't just ruin the best thing in her life.


	16. Chapter 16

It's a shorter update but I really wanted to get an update up before I spend the next couple of days stuffing my face! Happy early Thanksgiving everyone~! Thanks for all the reviews/follows/favorites. Seriously. I can't say it enough but I love reading you guys' thoughts.

* * *

Chapter 16

Jay knocked back another shot of Tequila and slammed the glass down on the bar. He grimaced at the burning taste of the liquor as it traveled down to his stomach, giving him a brief moment of warmth. He let the liquor settle before gesturing Hermann for another round, the man giving him a strange and almost worried look before filling his shot glass up. At least Hermann wasn't asking questions of why Jay had decided to get plastered by himself during the week. Small victory. Not to mention, Antonio had texted him earlier that Erin was home safe before he turned off his phone. Another small victory.

Despite Hermann's weariness, Jay wasn't drunk, he wasn't even nearly as buzzed as he wanted to be. Years of handling hard liquor had built up his tolerance where measly two or three shots weren't formidable opponent to his sobriety. Especially when what was supposed to be his third shot of the night was stolen by his brother as he sat down next to Jay, the doctor downing the shot in one quick gulp.

"That was mine," Jay gritted out and Will just replied with a shrug of the shoulder and a grin on his face.

"Eh, I had a long day. I was about to go home when my big brother called me saying he wanted to talk. I figured the least he could do is to buy me a drink." Will joked, his smile faltering when he saw the look on Jay's face.

"How's Owen?"

"He's fine. It was just some 24 hour bug thing," Will replied.

"Sorry for making you come out man. You should be with him."

Will waved him off. "Don't worry. He'll be fine. He's a strong little man and Natalie is with him." Will supplied. "Besides you look like you need me more tonight." Jay gave him a side eyed look. "What? You're the one here drinking all by yourself tonight," Will retorted at Jay's look. "What's up man?"

Jay remained quiet for a minute, thinking about how to start. "Erin and I had a fight." He wasn't even sure if it can be considered as one, usually both sides had to be adversarial for it to be a fight. It was more him being mad while Erin was just apologetic. Still he didn't know how else to describe it to Will.

"What happened?"

"Erin went up to Stan by herself, without telling anyone," Jay revealed.

"Who's Stan?" It slipped Jay's mind that Will didn't have all the details of their investigation and he was clueless on who Stan was. So he explained it to Will with the promise of keeping the information confidential between them.

"And she didn't even tell anyone, didn't even care that she could've been hurt or even worse killed by this psycho!" Jay finished his rant, giving Will the full details of what had transpired between him and Erin. He was getting worked up, his anger surging again after rehashing the events so he was surprised to see Will with the exact opposite reaction, just nodding along as if he was waiting for Jay to continue with his story.

"And?" Will asked, after realizing that Jay was finished ranting.

"And what? That's it."

"Oh," Will stammered, as though he was expecting more from the story. "That's it?"

"What do you mean that's it?" Jay snapped. "That's not enough? Erin went up to a psychopath that has been after her without backup, without telling anyone. That's not a big deal?"

Will raised his hands, surrendering. "It's not that it's not a big deal. It's just that," he paused for a second, trying to think of what to say so Jay wouldn't get even more riled up. "It's Erin." Jay looked at Will, confused. "I just mean, it's not exactly out of the blue for her right? Not like it's the first time she did something like this."

"Yeah, but it doesn't make it okay."

"I didn't say it was okay," Will appeased Jay. "I'm just wondering why you're so surprised by it. Really, you should've almost expected it. If there's a person in this world who's more stubborn than you, it's Erin." Jay had to agree with his brother there. Will wasn't exactly wrong when he said Jay should've expected Erin to go after Stan by herself. Really, he should have. As soon as Voight and Olivia had forbidden her to make contact with Stan, he should've known that Erin wouldn't listen, that she would find a way to do it anyway even if meant putting herself at risk.

"Yeah, maybe," Jay muttered. That was all he was willing to concede to Will for now.

"So why are you really mad then?" Jay shot him a confused look at his question. "Come on man. You know she was gonna do something like this anyway so you know you were expecting it right?" Jay nodded reluctantly. "So there has to be another reason why you're this agitated. Tell me."

Jay let out a sigh, pondering over Will's question. His brother had a point. While he wasn't exactly thrilled about Erin's going up to Stan by herself and he was definitely angry about it, perhaps deep down there was another reason why he was so out of sorts. Why he wasn't at home, not ready to face Erin just yet.

"Maybe," he admitted. Will just looked at him, waiting for Jay to continue. He tried to get Hermann's attention to order a beer, needing liquid courage to continue his deep introspection.

"Well?" Will prodded as Jay took a deep gulp of the beer that Hermann brought over. "You figured it out yet?"

Jay glanced side eye at Will, sighing deeply. "I was scared," he confessed, voice small that Will barely heard him. "I _am_ scared."

Will gave him a look of empathy. "What are you scared of?"

Jay took another long sip, contemplating over his thoughts and whether or not he was ready to say them out loud, if he was ready for someone else to hear what he was feeling. Will was waiting patiently, as if he knew how hard it was for Jay and that he needed time.

"Have you ever feel like you're about to get everything you ever wanted and instead of just being happy about it, it just scares the shit out of you?" Jay questioned.

"Almost like it's too good to be true?" Will asked. "Of course. That's what you're scared about?"

Jay nodded slowly. "It's just two weeks ago, I was set on the fact that I was either going to be alone for the rest of my life or going to have to settle for someone who's second best. Someone that was never going to compare to Erin. Then one day out of the blue, Erin walked back into my life and somehow we're able to get past all the bullshit and everything that happened and be together again," he continued. "It's all I wanted for the past couple of years."

"And now that you have it, you're scared to lose it," Will finished, understanding Jay's thoughts. "I get it."

"You do?"

Will chuckled. "You're looking at a guy that's about to get married after chasing the woman of his dreams for over a year. No shit, I get it."

Jay conceded, maybe Will did get what he was feeling. "I just never thought I'd be together with Erin again," Alcohol loosening his lips and revealing his deep thoughts that he would never tell Will otherwise. Maybe he was more inebriated than he thought. "That no matter how much I wanted it, she didn't want the same. But one day I wake up and Erin's there next to me and it's so great. Everything I've wanted. And instead of just being happy, I'm scared shitless. Like it's just a dream that I'm going to wake up from and she'll be back in New York or worse, gone and I'm alone again."

"So when she does things like that today, it makes you even more freaked out."

Jay nodded, knocking back the last of his beer. "This past week that she's been back, it's like she never left in the first place. Like we were never apart. It was so easy to just fall back into place with us and it's been amazing. The thought of losing her, I can't stand it. This psycho almost got her twice already yet she decides that it's a good idea to put herself on a platter to him."

"Well it is easy to caught up. But Jay, I hate to point this out but she is only back in town for the case. I know you're scared of losing her but what happens when she goes back to New York? Have you guys talked about that? Maybe that's why you're feeling this scared."

"We've talked."

"And?"

"This isn't just some temporary thing while she's back in town for either of us. I want to be with her. We want to be together."

"Even if she's back in New York?" Will sounded skeptical.

Jay nodded. "Even when," he paused for a bit, thinking of how to tell Will the next part. "I've even started looking for jobs in New York again."

"Really?" Will raised his eyebrows. "And how freaked out was Erin at that?"

Jay punched Will's arm, shaking his head. "She didn't freak out, you ass."

Will looked surprised at that. Not that he could exactly blame Will for reacting that way. It had been Jay's fear when Erin had caught him browsing for jobs in New York, he had fully expected her to freak out and pull away, claiming he was moving too fast. So imagine his surprise when not only did she seemed open to the idea but she was actually for it, just slightly hesitant because she thought he would be giving up too much for her, which was the opposite of the truth. She was the most important thing in his life, she was his world. Everything else was just fodder.

"I'm just kidding man," Will laughed, brushing Jay's remark off. "Seriously though, I'm happy for you. That feeling you're feeling right now, it's a good thing."

Jay looked puzzled at Will's words. "Tell me how feeling like I want to throw up or punch the wall every five minutes is supposed to be a good thing."

Will chuckled. "That's what I felt when Natalie finally agreed to give me a chance and that feeling only grew when I realized that we worked as a couple. And when she agreed to actually marry me? I wanted to throw up." Jay made a face at that. "I'm saying, you dim bastard, that you only feel that way when you have something amazing to lose, something you're willing to fight for. Okay, think about this," he explained. "These past few years when Erin was in New York, you didn't feel like this right?" Jay nodded. "Were you any happier for it? No, right? Jay, big brother, I watched you walk around like a zombie for the past year, like you stopped living your life. So seeing you this way, I don't know, I'm enjoying it so sue me."

Jay scoffed at Will. He had been focused on his work but only because his job was time consuming and draining. Plus it wasn't as though he was a serial dater much, even before Erin. He always preferred to be in relationships so it meant that he didn't have much time—okay maybe desire too—to actually date and put the work to be in any sort of relationship. But he spent time with his friends, they just happened to be his co-workers and his brother. Maybe Will did have a point.

"So how did you stop feeling this way?" Jay questioned, seeking Will's advice.

Will shrugged. "Who said I've stopped? But you know what helps? Talking to Natalie about it and finding out that I'm not the only one feeling this way." Will stopped Hermann from coming over with another beer for Jay. "That's why you should stop brooding at the bar, drowning your feelings in alcohol and go home and talk to Erin. I guarantee you that if she loves you as much as I think she does then she's feeling the same way too."

"So you're okay with me and Erin?"

Will laughed, patting Jay's back. "Any girl that got my big brother looking this lovesick is good in my books," he teased. "But seriously though, Erin and I are fine. We've talked and we're good." Jay gave a small smile at that, a small weight lifted off his shoulders knowing that the two most important people in his life were friends again. "Come on, let's get you back home to your girl." Will grabbed Jay's car keys that were sitting on the bar and pushed his brother out the door.

* * *

Will had kept the window opened on Jay's side the whole ride back home, insisting that Jay needed fresh air to sober up. That bastard. But Jay had to admit he was feeling more alert and sober when he entered his place, closing the door gently just in case Erin was already asleep in the bedroom. Instead he found her asleep on the couch. She looked so small, being swallowed up by the couch under the dim soft lighting.

He tried to remain as quiet as possible as he walked closer to her slowly, his heart filling with guilt when he realized she had probably fell asleep, waiting up for him. He sat down on the coffee table and leaned forward, his fingers reaching out to gently brush the silky strands of hair that had fallen over on Erin's face, tucking them softly behind her ears. She really was his world, the central hub of his emotions. Happiness, joy, fear, lust, love—everything ran through her. He frowned when his fingers made contact with the icy skin of her ears and he noticed that she didn't even have a blanket to protect her from the cold night. He reached over to the back of the couch to grab the throw and covered her with it, making sure she was warm. He waited with bated breath when she began to stir but let out a breath he was holding when she didn't wake, too caught up with whatever she was dreaming of in her sleep. That was good. He knew he'd wake her up sooner than later, he didn't want her sleeping all night on the couch with her back but for now, he just wanted to watch her as she slept.

The talk with Will had been more helpful than Jay realized. At first he just wanted someone to vent to, someone that he felt comfortable sharing details of his relationship with Erin with and really, that left only one person: his brother. He wasn't expecting Will to offer any helpful advice but he guessed he should've given him more credit. After all, Will seemed to have his life together more so than Jay at the moment. Will helped him see that maybe he wasn't alone in his feelings.

Was Erin feeling the same way as him? Scared? He certainly didn't want her feeling scared of losing him, he wasn't going anywhere. But they were both alike in so many ways, they both needed to be in control and the simple fact that neither of them can't control what was going to happen in the future had affected him more than he wanted to admit.

He trailed his hands over her closed eyelids, the curve of her nose and her soft lips, the small open pout releasing warm breaths over his skin. He lowered his touch to her neck, ghosting over the marks that were still marring her otherwise ivory skin and he closed his eyes—as if her lingering scars pained him.

"You're home," Erin's raspy voice snapped his eyes open and she was looking at him, eyes full of sleep but she looked relieved that he was in front of her. He didn't even notice that he was gripping her blanket until she held his hands, smoothing circles into his skin to ease his tight hold on the soft material. "I was worried about you."

He felt that second wave of guilt at her words, knowing it was messed up of him to leave her at the station alone. It didn't matter that he had asked Antonio to get her home safely, he should've been the one to make sure and he certainly shouldn't have turned his phone off as soon as he got the message from Antonio that she was home.

"I'm sorry," he apologized. Immediately Erin shook her head, as though he didn't have anything to apologize for.

"I'm the one who's supposed to be sorry," Erin whispered, voice filled with anguish that Jay wanted to take away. "I really am sorry Jay," she repeated the apology for the umpteenth time. She reached over and held his face in her hand.

"I know," he reassured her, leaning into her touch. Her touch was soothing on his soul, she steadied him during his storms. "I'm just glad you're okay."

Erin gave him a small smile. "Me too, I'm glad you're home."

"Sorry for leaving you at the station."

"You needed some time. I get it. It's fine," she placated him.

"Still, I shouldn't have done that," Jay insisted. "I've accused you of walking out and yet I did the same thing. I should've stayed and worked things out with you. I should've made sure that you got home safe."

Erin pushed off her blanket and sat up properly, her hands landing on Jay's shoulder, anchoring him. "Jay, you're back. That's all the matters to me. Okay? I'm home and I'm safe. You made sure of that with Antonio."

"Still," he mumbled.

Erin shook her head at his contrite, opting to bring her hands around his neck, trailing her fingers up and down on the nape of his neck. "Where were you?"

"With Will," Jay replied. "I just needed an ear to vent to."

"I get it." The look she was giving him was so soft, her touch so comforting and her presence so calming that he found himself wanting to tell her everything that he and Will talked about, everything he was feeling inside.

"Will and I had a good talk," he started, nerves growing in his stomach. She gestured for him to continue, her hands remaining around his neck, her touch in a toe-to-toe battle with his nerves. "He made me realize something."

"Care to share?" she asked but he knew she wasn't pushing him. She was leaving it up to him whether or not he wanted to tell her and he thought it over. Maybe Will was right about this too. Maybe sharing what he was feeling, his turmoil inside, would help ease it. After all, she had the ability to make everything else better in his world.

He placed his hands on her knees, needing that contact—something to tether himself to as he opened up. "He helped me realize that I wasn't just angry. I was also scared. That I've been scared since we've gotten back together."

Erin parted her lips, a look of doubt and hurt colored her eyes. "Do you regret us getting back together?" He shook his head immediately to deny her words.

"NO!" he asserted, hands gripping her knees tighter to emphasize his point. "No! Never. I will never regret us Erin." She still looked unsure so he leaned forward to capture her lips, he wanted to swallow all of her doubts and insecurity, to kiss them all away so there was no room for doubt left in her mind about how he felt about her.

She rested her forehead against his as they parted their lips, his hand automatically traveling to her waist, skimming the skin that had gotten exposed as her shirt had ridden up. "You're everything I've ever wanted, Erin." He wanted to reassure her, to make her realize how important she was to him. "This is all I've ever wanted and we're about to have it all and I'm scared out of my mind," he confessed, sharing his fear with her.

"What are you scared of?"

He sighed. "Losing you," he admitted. "That this is too good to be true and that I'll just wake up tomorrow and you won't be here anymore. That I've been in some sort of dream, imagining you here."

She didn't say anything. Instead she crushed their lips together again and she cupped his face, pulling him closer to her and her lips pressed harder against his. Her tongue slipped inside of his mouth and he gripped her hair, clinging onto her as though his life had depended on it. She was exploring everywhere in his mouth, tongue running over teeth, their tongues battling for dominance as they swirled against each other. Finally she pulled apart and tugged his face down so he was staring into her eyes—shining brightly in the soft glow of the lights.

"I'm here!" she declared, bringing his hands and placing it over her chest so he could feel her heart beat, letting him know she was right there with him. "This is us. This is real." She gave him a quick kiss. "I'm not going anywhere. You don't have to be scared Jay." He pressed his forehead against her, eyes closing. He had never been like this before, letting someone see him be so vulnerable but this was Erin. He didn't want to keep her at arm's length anymore. He didn't want to make the same mistakes as last time. "I'm scared too." Erin whispered.

He pulled back to look at her face, seeing nothing but honesty there. "Yeah?" Erin nodded.

"Yeah, but I'm alright with that because it just means I have something worth fighting for." She lightly traced his jaw with her thumb, holding his gaze. "But I promise, I won't be reckless anymore. I won't go off by myself after Stan. I don't want you to think for a second that I don't want a future with you and I'm going to do everything I can to make sure we can have that future."

He smiled, taking his hands off her chest to bring them around her waist. She scooted closer to him until she was barely sitting on the couch, their knees knocking against each other. "Erin, you told me once that one of the reasons why you love me is because I accepted every part of you and you can feel like yourself around me."

"And that's true. I do."

He chuckled softly at her insistence. "And I know that you're not the type that can just sit by and watch people get hurt and not do anything. I don't want you to change yourself just for me. But it doesn't mean I want you to go after Stan or any other psycho by yourself. I'll never be okay with that. So I want you to promise me something."

"Anything," Erin whispered, eyes earnest and willing.

"The next time, I want you to tell me what you're thinking of doing. We promised each other a long time ago that we would always be each other's back-up. I want to keep that promise but you have to let me Erin. Promise to let me be your back-up? No matter how much you think I'll hate your plans?"

She leaned in closer so he could feel her soft breaths. "I promise."

"And I promise that I won't shoot your ideas down immediately just because I'm afraid for your safety," he returned. "I'll listen to your side of story first. I'll always be on your side Erin. You just got to let me."

He saw Erin's eyes watered as she nodded her promise. "I promise to do the same for you too." He smiled, her promise already working to soothe his heart. He had no idea how she did that. How she had the ability to just make everything better for him. He walked in here troubled and confused but one look at her and everything that was wrong, off-balance and tilted in his world shifted to their rightful places.

She closed the distance between them, bright eyes gazing into his and he felt anticipation grew in his stomach then a wave of warmth wash over him when her lips finally touched his. He sank his hands into her hair, fingering through the soft strands. She titled her head when he brought her closer so they could deepened their kiss, concerns about running out of breath tossed out the windows. He gave her a few closed mouth kisses when they finally pulled apart and she was looking at him like he painted the stars.

"Alright, time to get to bed," he said, unable to control the grin that took over his face. "We have a long day tomorrow. I have some actual police work while you have more files to organize." She gave him a light smack at his teasing. He just grinned back at her, chest rumbling with contained laughter. "Come on," he gave a wave with his hand, gesturing to the bedroom with his head.

"Give me a lift?" she asked, slightly pouting. He knew he couldn't resist when she looked like that, her pout was his kryptonite. He still shook his head for effect, he couldn't let her know just how much she got him tied around her fingers. Well, he was pretty sure she already knew but still, he had a reputation to protect and all.

"Alright, come on Princess." He brought his hands underneath her knees and stood up. She let out a small squeal when she was lifted off the couch and he spun her around to head to the bedroom, tugging her closer to his chest.

He laid her down gently on the bed and she immediately burrowed herself under the cover. He felt her eyes on him, skimming over his body as he took off his shirt and his pants and walked over to the side of his bed in just his boxers. He got under the cover to join her and their bodies were like two magnets, automatically seeking and attaching to each other in the small space. She was warm, soft and she smelled like home to him and her fingers were doing their usual magic on his chest, the patterns she was drawing on it were the bedtime story only his heart can hear.

"We're okay right?" she asked into the still of the night. He tugged her closer to him and laid a kiss on the top of her head.

"We're great." She returned his reassurance with a blinding smile and he leaned down to peck her nose.

"Night Jay," she whispered as she tucked herself closer in his arms, her head resting underneath his chin.

"Goodnight, Erin." He voiced into her hair and he wrapped his arms tighter around her waist, seeking out all the heat her body can offer him to take him through the night.

* * *

Erin halted in her step when she spotted Olivia in the break room, making herself a cup of coffee. While Erin was glad to catch her Lieutenant alone, she had to admit she was quite nervous. But she braved herself and walked closer.

"Olivia, I'm glad I caught you." Olivia turned to her, stirring her coffee with a questioning look on her face. "I just wanted to apologize again for yesterday."

"Erin," Olivia started but Erin quickly interrupted her.

"Please," Erin held her hand up, asking for Olivia to let her talk. "I'm sorry for not listening to your order and I'm sorry for blindsiding you by bringing Steve Kot here before I talked to you and Hank. But what I am most sorry for is for putting you in the position where you feel like you can't trust me," Erin vocalized. She bit her lips before continuing. "I um.. I'm so grateful for our relationship Olivia and the fact that it goes beyond the office. I just hate to do anything to ruin that and I hated that I crossed the line where you needed to pull rank. I know you hate doing that."

Olivia gave her a small smile, putting her coffee cup down on the counter to hold Erin's arm. "Erin, I know you are sorry. Trust me, I get it. I do trust you Erin," Olivia affirmed. "I just," Olivia pursed her lips, choosing her words carefully. "I need you to trust me too. Trust that I have your best interest at heart and that I'm not trying to control you or assert my authority. I just want all my team members to be smart and safe."

Erin nodded. "I get it, I really do. It's just," she shrugged. "It's just hard for me sometimes to just sit by and do nothing."

Olivia chuckled. "Yeah, that seems to be the trend of all my team members. But I wouldn't have anyone else on the team anyways. Come here." Olivia opened her arms and Erin smiled gratefully at her Lieutenant, hugging the older woman.

"Guys, Kot just sent over the search warrant," Fin interrupted the little moment between them. "We're getting ready in the roll up. Rolling out in 15."

Erin's eyes widened the good news. They actually got the search warrant. Her efforts weren't wasted. "That's great!" Then she deflated at the fact that she was probably going to be left behind, just stuck doing paper work and finishing secretarial duties while everyone else searched Stan's house. But she decided that she wouldn't pout about it. She would take her punishment like a professional adult.

"I should get going," Olivia said, heading towards the door. She paused by the doorway and turned to look back at Erin who was staring dejectedly at the floor. Erin felt Olivia's gaze on her and quickly schooled her expression so she wouldn't see her looking sad. She tried to give her the best smile as she can, trying to appease Olivia that she was fine with staying behind. That she wouldn't complain about being benched. "Erin." The tone of Olivia's voice let Erin know that her efforts had failed anyway. She wasn't that good of an actress.

"Good luck," she pursed her lips into a smile, waving at Olivia. She turned back around to make herself a cup of coffee, needing the caffeine just as much as she needed the distraction of the task. She flinched a bit when she felt a pair of hands on her shoulder, turning around quickly to come face to face with Olivia.

"Come on," Olivia gestured with her head, giving Erin permission to come on the search.

"Really?" Erin couldn't contain the surprise and the excitement in her voice. She couldn't believe that Olivia was really allowing her to come.

Olivia held up her finger. "A few ground rules," Erin nodded, ready to agree with whatever rules Olivia would set. "You follow my orders. Stick to your partner. Don't forget that you're on a short leash okay?"

"Understood," Erin agreed with a wave of her hands.

"You got us this search warrant Erin," Olivia patted Erin's shoulders. "You deserve to come on it. Let's go."

Erin didn't need to be told twice. She would gleefully follow all of the rules and guidelines set for her, anything beat being benched.

* * *

"Hey! Look who's out of the doghouse!" Adam yelled out when Erin came down the stairs with Olivia. Erin just responded with a playful roll of the eyes.

"Seeing as how you're so often there Ruzek, you would be the expert," Olinsky quipped, patting Adam in the back. Adam just let out a 'pssh' sound.

"Everybody just likes to pile on me huh?" Adam mumbled. "But you Al, I expected a little bit more loyalty from you man. We were partners for how long? I'm hurt."

"Just go put on a vest," Olinsky just waved Adam off, mumbling a fond 'idiot' under his breath.

"Maybe a hard hat too!" Kevin yelled out. "I don't think that head can take any more damage!" Adam just flipped Kevin off, giving Kevin the response he wanted when he was riling Adam up.

Erin tried to ignore her favorite two idiots and focused on putting on her vest, just excited that she would actually be able to join everyone on the search.

"So Olivia is letting you come?" Jay asked her as they stood side by side, getting ready.

"Yeah, can you believe it?"

He stopped and turned to face her. "Yeah, I can actually," he replied. "You're the one that got us the warrant. You deserve to come on it." Erin smiled, recalling his words last night about promising to be always be on her side. He didn't even realize that he already fulfilled his promise over and over again.

"Here, let me help," Jay came up behind her and took the strap from her hand. She pulled her hair to the side, tilting her head giving him full access to her neck. He pulled on the straps, tightening them and double checking them to make sure they were put on properly. Then his hands moved to the other side, Jay stepping closer to her body until she felt him pressed up behind her and felt his breaths on her neck, tiny hairs on her nape standing up at the sensation. He adjusted her straps to make sure they were put on properly, to get them right and he ran his hand down her arm until it landed on her hand, discreetly intertwining their fingers together, hidden from all the other eyes in the small cage.

"I got you," he breathed into her ears and she closed her eyes, goose bumps forming on her skin at his voice. She squeezed his hands, giving each other one last reaffirmation before they go into a potentially dangerous task.

"Alright!" Voight's voice thundered through the roll up, catching everyone's attention. Erin let go of Jay's hands so they can join everyone that was gathering in the middle of the roll-up, all set and ready to go. "We are going to search every inch, every loose floorboard, every nook and cranny of this psycho's house. Got it?" Voight instructed. "We will find evidence to nail this guy. If he comes at us while we are there?" A callous grin came over Voight's face. "Then we take him out. No hesitation. Understood?" Voight looked around the room until he was satisfied with everyone's response to him. "Good, let's roll out!"

Erin followed everyone out the roll up, heading to her car where Dodds was waiting for her. She opened the car door and looked across the street to where Jay's car was parked, finding him still standing outside of his car, staring back at her. Even from the distance, she could see Jay's eyes pleading with her to be careful, to watch her back and she hoped he saw the same in hers. She sent over a nod and a smile, conveying her intent to keep her promise to him. Then the smallest of smile began to form on Jay's mouth and Erin felt satisfied enough with his response to get inside the driver's seat and start the engine.

"Ready?" her partner asked her.

She was so ready for this. It was time to start bringing Stan down.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

"Chicago P.D! Open up!" Voight banged on the door of the townhouse, Stan's address. Erin gripped her gun tighter, feet practically bouncing in place. "Stan Rappaport! We have a search warrant. Open up!"

No answer. Voight looked back to Kevin who was holding the battering ram and signaled him to knock the door down. Kevin stepped up, holding the heavy equipment in his hands and waited for the '1, 2, 3' go ahead and rammed the door down, giving them the opening they needed. Jay entered first, gun pointed and they followed one by one, clearing the place until they were sure it was empty.

"Stan's not here," Erin concluded after clearing the last room of the house. "Looks like he hasn't been here in a while." The place looked like no one has been there in weeks, dust gathering on practically every surface.

"Fridge's empty," Jay added, confirming Erin's suspicions. "Seems like he's been living somewhere else."

Voight stuck his hands in his vest. "We're in so let's just do this. Search everything you can, take anything and everything you think can be used as evidence or might lead us to getting this guy. Tear this place apart if we have to."

* * *

Erin followed Dodds up the stairs, heading straight for his bedroom. The townhouse was big and spacious. The nice location of the house made it clear that Stan came from money although one wouldn't be able to tell looking at the inside of the house. It was big but it was mostly empty, impersonal and just had the basic necessities. But as soon as Dodds opened the door to the bedroom, Erin's eyes widened.

It was the complete opposite from the rest of the house. This was clearly where Stan spent most of his time, when he still lived there. There were boxes filled with papers and books and a whiteboard filled with incoherent writings and pictures.

"Looks like he did all this while he was on a manic episode," Dodds theorized, pointing to the state of the room. Erin agreed, recalling how Stan was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. She walked over to where the boxes were and looked inside.

"Hey, check this out." She pulled out books on different topics, biology and medicine among them. "Think he was studying to be a murderer?" Then underneath all the books, there were several notebooks. Erin scrunched her brows, carefully pulling out the books and flipped through one of them. "Bingo!"

"What is it?" Dodds asked, walking closer to Erin and looking over her shoulder. "Is that Yates' diary?" Erin nodded. "The one that the prison guard sold? Stan was the one who bought them?"

"Looks like it." There were three notebooks, all of them contained the ramblings of Gregory Yates. His innermost thoughts, his sadistic tendencies and wishes, his routine when he tortures and murders women, his feelings of release and euphoria after committing each kill. Stan had access to them all, these were his inspirations, his guideline. It was sick.

Dodds opened up Stan's desk drawer while Erin was still leafing through the notebooks, getting sicker by the moment as she skimmed through the words. She couldn't fathom how someone can be so evil, so callous but Yates proved that it was possible. "Erin," she turned to Dodds who was calling her over. "Letters!"

She grabbed the stack of envelopes that Dodds was holding out, looking at them one by one. The same two addresses appeared on all of them, just alternating between return and send to address positions. Letters between Yates and Stan. They had been communicating.

"Jackpot!"

Erin nodded, digging further through his desk drawer seeing if there was anything more inside. She moved the knick knacks that were in the drawer around, pausing when she saw a photo turned upside down. She turned it over to find smiling eyes of a young woman forever captured in the picture, an equally happy looking Stan with his arms around her. He looked so normal, so happy and so in love that Erin had a hard time wrapping her mind around that this was the same guy that was capable of murder.

"What do you think? Ex-girlfriend?" Dodds asked, studying the picture.

Erin shook her head, pulling out and opening a box from the drawer, holding up the engagement ring that was sitting inside it. "More like ex-fiancé." It seems as though there was more to this Stan than they realized.

* * *

"Go ahead." Voight gestured the team to start as he took a seat on the desk, everyone gathered back at the bullpen after the search. "Let's hear what we've got."

Erin raised her hands, asking for permission to start and explain to the group what they've pieced together. "We've put together a timeline so far. So this all started back in 1997 when Yates raped Maggie Palmer, now Stone, and she got pregnant by him. She gave the baby up to Tim and Martha Rappaport who owned several car dealerships and a few other businesses in Chicago. Super wealth couple. They adopted Stanley, Yates' son."

"They raised Stanley as their own until he was put in a mental hospital at the age of 15 after he was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder. He got out when he turned 18 as they had no legal rights to hold him anymore." Jay continued the explanation before volleying back over to Erin.

"Which is around the time that Yates first contacted Stan. We have the letter for their first communication and it was Yates who reached out to him first."

"Do we have a theory on why? Why at that time then?" Olinsky asked, peeling an orange and popping a piece into his mouth.

Erin nodded. "Yates' fiancé, Susie Fraine, was pregnant when she got murdered by Carl Rudnick. The loss of his child was what sent Yates to search for his birth parents in the first place, to get revenge on them when he escaped with Rudnick from prison."

"Rudnick told Carisi that there were rumors back when they were in medical school that Maggie, Stan's birth mother, was pregnant and that was why she dropped out of school," Olivia added. "Yates might have put two and two together while he was 'researching' in prison and found out that he had a son. Coupled that with the loss of his unborn baby, it was probably the motivating factor for Yates to reach out to his son. The prison guard helped him with sending the letter because the return address on the initial letter was the guard's home address, not the prison, which is why it went under the radar."

"Yates was manipulating Stan in the letters," Jay spoke, reading through the letters. "Look at this, he talked about how he's the real father and how his birth mother betrayed him and gave up his baby. Yates made himself the good guy while completely trashing Maggie. He raped her but he made it sound like they were together and Maggie cheated on him. How she was the one who didn't want the baby and went back his back to get rid of it."

"Yates planned all of this," Kim remarked, tone unbelieving. "He planned all of this. Why? So he could get some sort of sadistic pleasure out of this?"

"To make sure he left a legacy," Erin vocalized. "He lost his chance when his unborn child died with Susie so he went searching for another. Yates wanted Stan to follow in his footsteps. Yates hated his birth mother so he tried to make Stan hate his. He practically set up instructions on how to copy his M.O for Stan to follow."

"Yeah but there was a gap between Yates' death and now when Stan started his spree. Why the wait? Or better yet, why start now? What's the trigger?" Fin questioned.

"We think we found it," Erin answered, pointing to the picture she found from Stan's desk. "Stan's ex-fiancé. Kevin did a search and he got a hit on the name."

"Jenny Crane," Kevin read his notes. "Now her social media stopped updating about a couple of months ago but before it did, there were pictures of her and Stan all over it. They were definitely a couple and she was wearing that engagement ring in several pictures."

"So he got dumped so he started killing?" Olinsky sounded unconvinced. "That's an easy trigger."

"I mean he had problems before, mentally and psychologically," Erin replied. "Sometimes that is enough for someone to go off the deep end."

"Where is his ex-fiancé now?" Voight stood up. "We need to talk to her, see if the timeline match. We need to get a location on Stan. He's in the wind now."

"We put an APB and Bolo out for both Stan and Jenny," Kevin spoke. "No hits so far."

"Wait, do you think he did something to Jenny?" Concern filled Hailey's voice. "That's why she's missing?"

Erin wished she had the answer but she had none. There was no telling where Jenny was. She was no longer at her previous job, her social media went dark around the same time the killings started and there was no lead on where she could be.

"Let's hope not," Olivia answered. "Alright, this is what we have so far. We need to get Stan's location. Look through what we got from his house today for anything we can use to tie Stan to these crimes. Receipts for green nail polish, diary entry detailing his crime, old clothes with fire residue," Olivia listed with her fingers. "Anything at all. No matter how small or inconsequential you think it might be. Even if it's circumstantial evidence, it might help down the line."

"Stan's parents were rich right?" Antonio started. "Maybe he's hiding in one of their properties."

"Could be," Jay agreed. "They're on vacation right now so perfect time if he wanted to lay low and stay hidden."

"Alright, look through all of their properties and see if he's hiding out in any of them," Voight ordered.

"Um Serg, don't we need a warrant before we go knocking wealthy people's doors down?" Adam raised his hands in question.

"Heard of asking for forgiveness instead of permission?" Hank sneered. "That's what we're going to do."

"How about that house Yates died in? That was his childhood home right? Maybe he's there."

Kevin shook his head after looking through his notes. "No, some realty group bought that house and is already remodeling it so they can flip it."

"Oh, just a thought," Jay finished.

"Hey, we got a hit on Jenny," Dodds shouted. "Springfield P.D spotted a woman matching Jenny's description and got a confirmed match from the picture we sent over."

"Great!" Olivia pointed to Erin. "Erin, I want you to take the lead on this and go and talk to Jenny." Erin was surprised to say the least. Even though she made amends with Olivia already, she didn't think Olivia would entrust with a big task right away. But she knew this was Olivia's way of saying that she had accepted Erin's apology and that she trusted her.

"Got it." She stood up from her seat and put on her jacket. She looked over to her partner, thinking that he was supposed to come with her. She wanted Jay to be there but she knew she was already treading on thin ice and neither Olivia or Hank would allow that.

"Actually, Kim. I want you to go with Erin," Olivia ordered. "This might be a fragile situation and I think Jenny might feel more comfortable opening up if she's talking to women."

"Got it, Lieutenant." Kim complied immediately, following Erin out the bullpen.

* * *

"So you think she dumped him?" Kim started while they were in the car, starting their long drive to Springfield. Erin was glad they had an early start and was hopeful that they can get back to Chicago by late afternoon.

"If I had to guess? Yeah."

"Think she knew there was something wrong with him? Like he wasn't all there?"

Erin shrugged. "I think so. Yeah. I think women always know whenever something's not right in their relationships. That the person they're marrying isn't right. It's just a matter of whether they want to face it or not."

Kim was quiet for a bit. "Yeah," she said quietly. "I knew."

Erin glanced over at Kim at her words, watching the younger woman look outside the window. She reached out to her friend. "You knew that it wasn't the right guy? Or the right time?"

"Right time," Kim replied. "Adam was just dragging his feet at the time you know? It was like pulling teeth just to move one inch back then."

"And now?"

A smile came over Kim's face. "Now he's the one taking all the initiative. I don't know. It's kind of nice." Erin was happy for her friend and conveyed that to her. Sometimes it was all about timing. It seemed as though both she and Kim had found their right guy years ago already, but now they finally had the right timing.

* * *

"There she is," Kim pointed to a blond woman in her early 20's, juggling plates on her arms. They had been sitting outside of the small diner for about twenty minutes, watching Jenny as she worked as a waitress. "She's pretty."

"Let's hope she's in a talkative mode." Erin and Kim exited the car and entered the diner. Erin glanced around and finding the diner not too busy. There were just a couple of tables occupied, which wasn't surprising given it was during the odd hours right after lunch rush and too early for early dinner crowd. Perfect timing, she hoped. She followed Kim into a booth, over in the back away from the crowd.

"Hey guys," Jenny came over with a big smile, dropping a couple of menus on the table. "Can I get you guys started on something to drink?"

"Coffee," Kim ordered.

"Okay, two coffees." Jenny smiled. "I'll give you guys some time."

"She seems nice," Kim commented, looking over the menu. "Ooh the burger looks good." Erin gave her a pointed look. "What? I'm hungry. I skipped breakfast and lunch." Erin couldn't help but chuckle, looking back down at the menu. She had to agree with Kim, the burger looked delicious.

"Enjoying your burgers?" Jenny inquired, earning enthusiastic nods from both Kim and Erin. "I'm about to go on my break so is there anything I can get for you guys before I go?" Erin and Kim exchanged looks, knowing that it was their opening. Erin wiped her hands on her napkin and set it down.

"Actually Jenny," she said, reading the nametag. "We wanted to talk to you."

Jenny looked confused. "About what?"

Erin reached inside her jacket and pulled out her badge, setting it down on the table. "Your ex-fiancé, Stanley Rappaport."

The first look that came over Jenny's face was panic, followed by true fear. So much so that she turned white, losing all blood in her face. "Stan?" she stammered, "What about him? He doesn't know where I am, does he?"

Both Erin and Kim immediately reached out to the poor girl, scared out of her mind. "No," they tried to reassure her. "Can you take your break now? And sit down?" Jenny nodded, sitting down.

"It's fine. They're not really that strict about breaks and all that. So what about Stan?"

Erin cleared her throat. "Actually we were hoping that you might be able to tell us more about him. More about your relationship with him."

"You guys are police?" Jenny sounded suspicious. "Can I see your badges again?" They both took out their badge and letting Jenny inspect them. "Sorry but I just needed to make sure," Jenny offered, after studying their badges until she was satisfied. "With Stan's resources, it's hard to tell sometimes."

"It's okay," Kim claimed. "We understand."

Jenny nodded, folding her hands together on the table. "So what do you want to know?"

Erin looked at her gratefully. "You and Stan were together? You were engaged right?" Jenny nodded, confirming the nature of their relationship. "Where did you meet Stan?"

"I've known him forever," Jenny replied. "We went to the same schools growing up."

"You guys were childhood friends then?"

"No," Jenny chuckled. "Stan didn't really have friends. He was more of a loner. He was always bullied in school. We were more classmates."

"So when did your relationship with him start?"

"About three years ago," Jenny said, answering Erin's question. "He transferred out after his freshman year. I didn't see him again until I graduated high school."

Erin quirked her brows. "He transferred out?"

"Yeah, like I said he was always bullied. I just figured that he had enough of it and his parents transferred him to another school. Stan told me that he went to some sort of private academy to finish high school." Kim and Erin exchanged a look with each other at the lie, clearly Jenny was in the dark about Stan having been admitted to a mental institution.

"So you got together then? How was Stan when you first reconnected?"

"Oh um," Jenny thought over the question. "He was always quiet and withdrawn so he wasn't very different in that regard. I met him again when we were checking out some community college classes so I saw a familiar face and we just started talking. Like I said, we weren't really friends while in school so I didn't really know him or his interests. But he was always sweet and nice. I don't know, one day we just got together."

"What were some of his interests?" Erin questioned, her interest peaked when Jenny looked down at the table sheepishly. "Jenny, you can tell us anything. You're not in trouble here. What were some of Stan's interests?"

Jenny looked up, pausing. "He didn't really share his interests with me but he was into things like documentaries about serial killers, human body, things like that." She caught the look on Erin and Kim's faces. "Hey, I know what you guys are thinking okay? He's really…he's really not that type of guy."

"Yeah?" Kim retorted. "Why did you guys break up then? Did you break off the engagement or did he?"

"I did," Jenny admitted.

"Why?" Erin saw the look of guilt on Jenny's face yet it was clear to both her and Kim that Jenny seemed scared of Stan, that it wasn't just a coincidence that she was no longer living in Chicago but instead three hours away in Springfield. "Why did you move to Springfield?"

Something flashed through Jenny's face, a look of fear mixed with distrust. "Jenny, we really are police. Okay? We're not working for Stan." Erin wanted to reassure the girl, who seemed so frightened and skittish. "Are you running from Stan?"

Jenny nodded, eyes averting from them and down on the table. "Yeah."

"Why? Did he do something to you?" Jenny shook her head.

"Not yet but I knew that if I stayed with him longer, I'd no longer be alive."

"What makes you say that?" Kim patted Jenny's arms, comforting the girl.

A few drops of tear made their way down Jenny's face, the girl wiping them away with her hands. "He didn't hit me or anything like that. He was just so great in the beginning you know?" A small smile appeared on Jenny's face. "I've always had a crush on him in school so when we saw each other again, I thought that it was my chance. Maybe I ignored all the signs that were there because of it."

"What kind of signs?"

"He had a temper," Jenny replied. "He didn't show it towards me, or at least he didn't in the beginning. And he would have these moments, periods of time, where he'd just isolate himself in the room. I just always chalked it up to him being a loner and him not having many friends."

"How was his relationship with his parents?" Erin was curious to see how Stan reacted to finding out that he was adopted.

"He didn't talk about them much. He didn't really seem close to them. I've never met them. That's another reason why I broke off the engagement. His family is really wealthy and I'm not and whenever I ask for Stan to introduce me, he'd always change the subject. I think he was embarrassed of me."

"How did he take it when you broke up with him?"

Jenny scoffed. "Not well. He accused me of cheating on me and he was so angry," Jenny revealed, voice going small recalling the events. "He started threatening me, saying how he can kill me like that," she snapped her fingers for effect. "That I was a whore. Unfaithful slut like every other woman out there. I was so scared. I didn't really think he'd do anything until he started stalking me at work, waiting outside the restaurant I worked at. He even got into a fight with one of my co-worker because he thought I was cheating with him. I knew I needed to get away, that I couldn't stay in Chicago any longer."

"So you moved here," Erin said, passing Jenny her glass of water so she can calm down a bit. "Does he know that you're here?"

Jenny looked panicked at that. "No," she whispered harshly. "And he can't find out! Okay?"

"Why didn't you go to the police? Get a restraining order?"

Jenny gave Kim a pointed look. "You know how much money Stan has? His parents? They can just buy the police off. It's useless. That's why I was suspicious with you two. I wanted to make sure that you weren't working for Stan."

Both Kim and Erin shook their head, wanting to reassure Jenny that they weren't working for Stan. "When did you break up with him?"

"About three months ago. I thought that he'd be better, that he'd get over whatever he was going through. Before our relationship ended, he has gotten so withdrawn, so secretive." Erin nodded along. Stan was probably going through a depress episode during the time but Jenny was in the dark about his mental illness so she wouldn't know. All she probably saw was the man she loved turned into someone else, a new side of Stan that she hasn't seen before. Three months ago, about a month before the first murder in New York started.

"We want to help protect you, Jenny." Kim stated. "We can get you a police to watch over you. For now at least."

"Why? What's going on?" Jenny questioned.

"We don't want to scare you," Erin started, knowing that she would be scared regardless. "But we think Stan is responsible for murders of three women." Jenny dropped the glass she was holding in her hand, liquid splashing out and the glass tumbling on the table.

"What?!"

Erin pursed her lips as Kim worked on drying the table with a wad of napkins. "I know this is hard to hear. But he is extremely dangerous."

Jenny closed her eyes. "I guess I'm not entirely surprised," she admitted, voice sounding defeated. "I guess I've always known somewhere deep down inside. That's why I ran. Where is he now?"

Erin and Kim exchanged looks. "We don't know. We're looking for him. That's why we want to put some police protection on you."

"No," Jenny shook her head, denying their offer. "Like I said, I can't trust them."

"You trust us right?" Erin asked.

Jenny studied their faces. "Yeah," she admitted hesitantly. "I figured if you were working for Stan, you wouldn't be here warning me from him. Listen guys, I appreciate the offer but I can protect myself. Okay? I've taken care of myself for over 20 years."

Erin sighed, frustrated. She saw the look of disbelief on Jenny's face. It was small but it was there. like Jenny couldn't believe that Stan was truly capable of hurting her, like she still saw some good in Stan, despite all the warning signs. She wanted to snap Jenny out of it. She wanted Jenny to see Stan for what he truly was, what he was capable of.

"Jenny, did you know that Stan was in a mental hospital?" Jenny looked surprised at the revelation, just like Erin thought she would be. "Those years in high school? He didn't transfer out. His parents admitted him to a mental institution because he was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. He got out when he was 18 because they could no longer hold him there."

"No..I…he didn't tell me," Jenny stammered out.

Erin scoffed. "Of course he wouldn't. Did he also tell you that he was adopted? That the Rappaports weren't his birth parents?" Jenny shook her head again. "His birth father? He was a serial killer. He burned, raped and murdered so many innocent women."

Jenny still looked in shock, like she didn't believe them.

"His birth father's name was Gregory Yates," Kim chimed in, pulling up a picture of Yates on her phone. "See the resemblance?" Jenny looked at the photo, quiet and unable to deny the resemblance Yates and Stan had with each other. "His name was Gregory Yates."

Jenny snapped her head up hearing the name. "What?" Erin questioned, wondering why she reacted that way. "You've heard of him?"

"Stan talked about him all the time. He would always mentioned how Greg was his mentor, his hero. I just thought it was like his uncle or something. That's his real father?" Kim nodded. "And he killed how many women?"

"Over twenty people," Erin answered. "Now you know why we want to get you in protective custody?"

Jenny remained quiet, taking in the information. "How would that work?"

"Um, we would get a police officer to sit on you, guarding you. They'll keep a distance so you won't feel suffocated." Jenny thought over Erin's offer before finally agreeing.

"Fine," she still looked unsure and unhappy. "I guess."

"Great." Erin was glad that Jenny would be taking their offer of protection. "We'll call the Springfield P.D and get on it. Listen Jenny, thanks for talking with us."

"You think you know someone right?" Jenny murmured, staring off into distance lost in thoughts. "I loved him. I know he's capable of doing what you said but I still love him."

They consoled the poor girl. "We know. We understand."

Sometimes you just can't help who you love.

* * *

"Time line!" Erin taped the last piece of information on the whiteboard, turning to the group in the bullpen. "Yates raped and impregnated Maggie Stone who gave up the baby, Stanley, to the Rappaports. They adopted him and raised him but they admitted him to St. Anne's mental institution when he was 15 years old because of bipolar disorder. He got out at 18." She glanced around the room, letting a couple of them finish taking notes before continuing. "A couple of months before that, Yates lost his unborn child with his fiancé Susie Fraine when she was murdered by Carl Rudnick. Yates then started doing research in prison, he looked up his birth mother, his birth father and sister and he found that he had a son, Stan."

"So he made contact with him." Carisi commented.

"Yeah," Erin nodded. "From the letters we've found in Stan's home, Yates first got in contact with Stan right around the time he got out of the institution."

"What a perfect timing," Antonio huffed. "For a deranged killer to manipulate a vulnerable psycho."

"Yates revealed himself as the father in the letters but he left out the part about him raping Maggie. He made it seem like he and Maggie were involved but Maggie betrayed him and gave the baby up without him knowing."

"So he's the victim," Jay snarked, shaking his head in anger.

"He and Stan started communicating back and forth, Yates began to mentor Stan, revealing details of his killings and how he would go about it. Jenny, Stan's fiancé, said that Stan saw Yates as his hero, his mentor. Given the strained relationship with his parents, it was easy for Yates to get inside Stan's head, get Stan to trust him. He filled his head with how horrible women were, how they were evil. First through the letters and after Yates died, Stan bought his diaries that he kept in prison from the prison guard." She pointed to the picture of Jenny. "So when Jenny broke up with Stan three months ago, Stan went off the deep end."

"Why did she break up with him?"

"She knew something wasn't right with him," Kim answered, looking over at Olinsky. "He was going a depressive episode but she didn't know because Stan never told her that he was bipolar. So all she knew was that he became withdrawn, angry and she was scared. That's why she moved to Springfield."

"So she's hiding out there." Kevin commented, writing it down in his notes.

"Pretty much. We've talked to Springfield P.D about putting protective order on her and they said they're able to start in a couple of days."

"So let me get this all straight. Stan gets dumped by his fiancé, that reinforces every lies Yates manipulated him with about women and that triggered him to follow in his father's footsteps and start raping, burning and killing these women."

"That's our best guess right now." Erin crossed her arms. "Actually I would bet my badge on it."

"Alright," Voight waved his hands. "Llet's get back to checking out the rest of the Rappaports' properties and see if he's hiding in any of them."

* * *

"Okay when you said we're going to get our Christmas tree, this wasn't what I had in mind," Erin commented, looking out the window of the car as they drove way past the City lights and into a more rural area, snow covered trees surrounding them as they wind through the path.

Jay laughed. "What did you have in mind?"

"I don't know, like just getting a tree in one of those tree lots in the parking lots like normal people," Erin remarked. "Not actually going into the woods for a tree. We are actually getting a tree right? You're not taking me into the woods to murder me are you?"

Jay gave Erin a pointed look. "That's not funny when there is an actual serial killer on the loose," he grumbled, not finding Erin's joke amusing. Erin laughed at Jay's reaction.

"It's just a joke Jay," Erin held Jay's hand, softening him up. "Really, where are we going?"

"They have this Christmas tree lot here," Jay began explaining, bringing Erin's hands on his lap. "It's supposed to be really cool where you can pick out your tree and you can even cut it down yourself. Makes it more authentic."

Erin smiled, giving a hum of appreciation. "Mmm, I get to see you get all rustic on me and cut down a tree?" She quirked her brows, giving him a heated look. "I like the sound of that."

Jay licked his lips, looking at Erin from the side of his eyes. "You're killing me here Erin."

"What?" Erin shrugged innocently. "I'm not doing anything."

"You saying those things, while looking like that?" Jay dropped his voice. "You're driving me crazy."

"I'm completely covered from head to toe Jay," Erin retorted, pointing to the many layers she had on: jacket, scarf, hat, boots, not an inch of her skin was showing except for her face. "I look like an abominable snowman."

"A very adorable Abominable snowman," Jay said, bringing Erin's hand up to lay a kiss on it. "The cutest."

Erin rolled her eyes, chuckling. "Is this the part where you tell me that you have a secret fetish? That you're secretly a furry?"

Jay scrunched his nose, making a face. "And now the mood's gone." He shook his head, feigning annoyance as he pulled into a parking lot. "Good thing we're here."

Erin looked out the window as Jay drove slowly in the lot, searching for an available spot. It was out of the way from the City but it was busy as the lot was almost full. Erin could see why people made the trek out here when she stepped out of the car. It was dark out so she couldn't really see the true beauty of the natural surroundings. Jay took Erin's hand and led her down the snow covered path, the glow of the moon in the sky their only light. They carefully made their way inside more, where there were tons of families there, children running around excited at the prospect of getting a Christmas tree while Christmas carols played faintly in the background.

"So we just pick a tree?" Erin started to ask when they heard a man calling Jay's name. She turned around to see a guy around their age making his way over to them, a smile on his face.

"Hey man!" Jay greeted the man, giving him a half hug and a genuine smile. "Erin, this is Mike. He's a buddy of mine. And Mike, this is Erin, my girlfriend."

Erin gave Mike a smile and a firm handshake, already feeling comfortable around him. He just exuded good spirit and happiness, Erin could definitely see why he was working in a place where his cheerful demeanor fit in perfectly.

"Wow," Mike commented, punching Jay in the shoulder playfully. "You definitely didn't sell her short. She is as gorgeous as you said Jay." Erin blushed at the compliment. "So you guys know what to do?"

They shook their heads. "It's both of our first times here."

Mike nodded knowingly. "Got it," he handed over the axe he was holding to Jay. "Here, take this. So just walk around and pick out a tree. Then use that," he pointed at the axe. "and just cut it down. Then just call one of the workers over and they'll help you out."

"That's all?" Jay asked, swinging the axe slowly, mimicking the action of cutting the tree down.

"Pretty much," Mike answered. "But since you're a friend, I'll throw in free delivery and even a few boxes of Christmas lights. Just call one of the workers over and tell them who you are." Jay shook Mike's hands in thanks. "No problem. Anything for this guy. Have fun then guys!"

Erin gave Mike a smile of appreciation for his help and she followed Jay, hand in hand, as they made their way into the woods, where their Christmas tree was standing just waiting for them to pick it out and take it home.

"How about this one?" Jay pointed to a beautiful pine tree. Erin looked up and down at it, inspecting the tree for any imperfections.

"Hmm." She walked around it. "Not too big, not too small." She got closer to smell it. "Smells good too." She looked over to where Jay stood, waiting. "I think we found it!"

He gave her a grin. "Okay." He walked closer to the tree, setting his feet apart, bringing the axe over his shoulder. "Ready?"

"Ready," Erin replied, excited to see Jay get all rustic and primitive with the axe. She could only imagine what his muscles would look like underneath his jacket, all bulging and swollen, as he swung the axe down, hitting the stump of the tree. Damn the jacket, preventing Erin from getting the full experience.

Jay swung the axe a couple of more times, the tree loosening a bit but still not falling. "Need some help?" Erin called out. Jay shook his head, immediately.

"I got this!" He assured her, confidently. "Just need a couple more whacks and we'll be good to go." Erin shrugged, letting Jay do this thing. Jay tried a couple more tries but the tree was still standing, leaning to one side. Erin held the chuckle to herself, knowing Jay wouldn't appreciate her teasing at the moment.

"Come on Halstead!" He rolled his shoulders, muttering to himself. "You got this!" Erin swallowed her laugh, amused at her city boy. Jay caught her dimples. "Hey, I can do this," he asserted. "I've spent tons of time in my grandfather's cabin, just roughing it. I've cut down trees before. It's just this stupid axe. It's old and it's dull."

"Of course," Erin agreed, placating him playfully. "Stupid axe." Jay gave her a glare over the tree so she just flashed him a smile, knowing he couldn't stay mad at her. "Come on Jay!" she cheered him on. "You can do this!"

That seemed to motivate Jay again and he swung hard, the tree finally breaking from the stump as it started to fall. On instinct, Erin reached out to hold the tree upright before it hit the ground, underestimating the weight of it and she stumbled back, the tree falling on her as she stepped into a muddy slosh a few feet away and she fell on her butt, the tree falling limply beside her.

She was dazed for a minute, eyes blinking until she was snapped to attention by Jay's laughing, practically on his knees. He was obviously amused at her predicament and he looked so handsome as she stared up at him, eyes crinkling at the corner and pearly white teeth blinding as he laughed, that Erin couldn't help but laugh alongside with him.

He tried to control his laughter as he walked closer to her, bending down so he was kneeling on the snow next to Erin. "You okay?"

"Now you ask," Erin griped, anger missing from it. "Help me up, you loser!" Jay cleared his throat, trying to hold in his laughter. He held his hand out, waiting for Erin to grab it so he can help pull her up. She innocently grabbed the offered hand, Jay not seeing the mischievous glint in her eyes until too late and she pulled him down until he found himself lying on the ground next to her.

Erin roared with laughter at the look of shock and disbelief on Jay's face that she pulled him down. "I can't believe you just did that," he sputtered, wiping the snow that got on his face. He gave a glare at her laughing face. "Oh you're going down. It's payback time." To Erin's defense, she didn't notice Jay's hands gripping the snow into a ball until it was too late.

She let out a playful shriek when he jumped on Erin, straddling her and throwing fresh snow all over her. She squirmed, laughing loudly, as Jay continued his attack. "Okay, enough! I surrender!" Erin yelled out, joyful exhaustion colored her voice. Jay let up them, stopping his snow attack blitz on her, instead leaning down so she was staring up into his twinkling eyes.

"Had enough?" he smirked, eyebrows teasing. Satisfied with Erin's answer, he leaned down to kiss Erin, his tongue prying Erin's mouth open so he can explore her mouth deeper. Erin gasped in much needed air when he pulled his head up, nuzzling their noses together as they laid in the snow, fresh flakes falling around them. He leaned back down to cover her mouth again and Erin lost her surroundings, everything around her was filled by Jay and Jay only. She didn't know how long they laid on the ground, making out like a couple of teenagers until they heard a throat cleared.

"Guys, this is a family place." They broke apart immediately, directed their heads to where the voice came from and coming face to face with an annoyed looking worker, giving them the evil eye. Erin blushed, embarrassed, and she buried her face in Jay's chest, unable to look at the worker in the eye.

"Yeah, sorry about that," Jay mumbled, his grin saying the opposite.

"So this is the tree you want?" Jay nodded and pulled himself off Erin, helping her stand up too. "Okay, you Jay Halstead?" Jay nodded. "Okay, Mike got it covered then. We'll deliver it within two hours and Mike said he'll include the lights too."

"Thanks man." Jay shook the disgruntled worker's hand, smiling widely until the worker couldn't help but smile back. That Halstead charm. Erin just nodded her thanks, still embarrassed. She just stepped aside as a couple of workers made their way over and tied up the tree they picked out and hauled it off, ready to get it delivered to Jay's place.

"So," Jay turned back to her, arms wrapping around her. "Where were we?" He leaned back so he can kiss her again but was stopped by Erin's hands on his chest.

"Not here," Erin placed her finger on his lips. "That was so embarrassing." She placed her head on his shoulder, hiding her face. "People are staring."

She felt Jay's chest shook with laughter. "So what?" He looked around, mostly finding people minding their own business. "They can see how beautiful you are and why I can't keep my hands off of you." Erin rolled her eyes fondly at her sweet talker, always so charming. "Come on," Jay said, holding his hand out. "We should go back before the tree gets there."

Erin held his hand, taking a step forward before stopping. She frowned when she felt her feet squished, looking down to find her boots completely wet after stepping and falling into the slosh earlier. She groaned and Jay directed his attention to her feet. "Just great!" she muttered, annoyed.

"Your feet will freeze," Jay said, bending down to look at them closer. "They're soaked. You should take them off."

"What? How am I supposed to get back to the car?" Erin mumbled, taking her boots and socks off. Better to be barefoot than continue wearing wet socks and boots but she wasn't walking through the snow barefooted.

Jay turned so his back was facing her and he turned his head back, signaling for Erin to get on. "What? No, Jay. It's fine."

"Come on, Erin." He waited for Erin so he can give her a piggy back ride. "It's a short walk to the car. I don't want your feet to freeze. I got you." Erin still looked unsure so Jay insisted again. She sighed, giving in, and pulled out a plastic bag she had buried in her purse and putting her boots and socks in it, stuffing it back inside her purse. She wrapped her neck around Jay and he placed his hands behind her knees, slowly lifting her up. "Comfy?"

Erin nodded, holding onto Jay tighter as he began making the way back to the car.

"See, I told you I got you," Jay said, turning his head to look at her. "Always." She smiled, taking her big scarf and wrapping it around Jay's shoulder so they were both covered by it, keeping them warm from the falling snow. She looked around, seeing a couple of people look at them but she couldn't bring herself to care about what they would think. "I'm a gentleman, as always."

Erin buried her face into Jay's neck, kissing the skin she found there. "Yeah, but I can't promise I can be a lady right now," she whispered as she began sucking on his pulse, his sensitive spot that always got him going. She couldn't help herself. Being in this close of a proximity with Jay had sent her nostrils filled with the intoxicating smell of his cologne, not to mention she felt so precious as his strong arms held her up.

"Erin," he groaned, her lips still working on his neck. "Just wait until we get home."

"Oh really?"

"Oh yeah, that's a promise!" He grinned, tightening his hold on Erin as they made their way back to the car, Erin latching onto Jay's back, holding on.

* * *

They barely had time to finish making hot chocolate back at Jay's place when the tree got delivered. Erin stood as Jay and the delivery person dragged the tree in, placing it at its perfect spot in the living room by the windows. The lights had been installed, strands of twinkling Christmas lights had been weaved perfectly through the tree, just waiting to be plugged in.

"Ready?" Jay asked while Erin looked over from the arm of the couch, nodding excitedly. "Alright, here we go!" He connected the plug to the outlet, the lights immediately coming on and emitting a beautiful glow, the warm soft lights in perfect contrast to the dark green color of the pine tree. Erin sighed happily, taking in the beautiful sight. Jay walked over to her, taking a seat on the arm of the couch, next to her, wrapping his arm around her shoulder. "You like it?"

Erin nodded. "It's beautiful." Suddenly she wished they had stopped by the store so they could get started on decorating the tree right away but they made their way home immediately. The tree was beautiful but it definitely needed some ornaments, waiting for them to adorn its crisp branches. Then she recalled the ornaments Jay had gotten for her at the bazzar, heading into the bedroom to grab them. Jay was looking at her curiously as she made her way back out, holding up the two fragile icy blue ornaments in her hand and handing one over to Jay so they could each put one on.

"Hold that thought," Jay interrupted her and she watched as he pulled out a box from behind the couch and laying it gently on the coffee table, gesturing Erin to open it. Her interest peaked as she undid the flaps and peeked inside, wondering what surprise Jay had for her. Her eyes widened in awe as she gingerly pulled out her old ornaments, her favorite handmade ones that she and Jay had gotten from the bazzar from years past. "I went into storage and pulled them out while you were off with Kim," Jay explained, seeing the question in Erin's eyes.

She couldn't believe that Jay had kept them all this time. She had thought that he would have gotten rid of them already. But her heart filled with love for Jay knowing that he kept them, that the memories and love associated with these ornaments were worth keeping for him. "I can't believe you still have them. I thought you would've thrown them out."

Jay came behind her, wrapped his arms around her. "I couldn't. They're too precious to throw away. Too important." He nuzzled her neck as Erin's eyes remained on the ornaments, studying them closely. Still beautiful, still glittering, still here after all these years.

They made their way over to the tree with the box of ornaments in hand, Erin handing one over to Jay and he hung one up, picking the perfect spot for it. Erin couldn't help but watch in awe as Jay hung up the old ornaments. She couldn't help but think how the ornaments represented them: both old and new. The old ornaments were like their past—marred with time and memories but ultimately beautiful and well-taken care of and cherished. The new ones were their presents and their future—still pristine, blank, waiting for them and time to write their story on them, to fill it up with love and memories.

After they finished hanging up all the ornaments that they had, Erin stepped back to admire their work. While the tree had a lot more room for decorations, it was still beautiful and perfect to Erin. Even the bright lights of the Chicago skyline outside the windows couldn't compete with the lights of their Christmas tree. Erin closed her eyes when she felt Jay's arms around her, him leaving a soft kiss in her hair. Her perfect tree and her perfect man. She felt so complete.

He held her closer to him, her back pressing against his chest and Erin brought her hand up so she can intertwine her fingers with Jay. She could spend the entire night like this, in Jay's embrace as their past and their future represented by the ornament hung side by side on their Christmas tree.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

Erin intertwined her leg with Jay, arms wrapping around Jay's warm body as she burrowed herself closer. Jay smiled at her actions, her own naked body doing a great job at keeping him warm. After decorating their tree last night with the ornaments they had, they had finished off their night making love right there on the living room floor, just the fairy lights from the tree illuminating them as their passion consumed them, unable to even make it to the bedroom. After having spent better part of the night teasing, exploring and pushing each other to the edge many times, they had been too tired to even lift themselves off the floor. But somehow Jay had managed to utilize last spurt of energy he had to grab the cushions and the blanket from the couch and covered themselves and they had crashed right there on the floor.

Now it was early in the morning, still dark outside and the tree remained the only source of light. They had to go into work soon, get their day started but right now, Jay was just happy to spend the morning just like this—cuddling, all nestled up in each other.

"I love our tree," Erin gushed, still enamored with their Christmas tree, her eyes hooked on it. There was still sleep laced in Erin's voice, raspy and low. Jay hummed his agreements, fingers playing with Erin's hair, the strands emitting their sweet scent as usual. "I still can't believe you kept the ornaments." The tips of her fingers were playing with his skin on his side. "I thought you would've gotten rid of them already."

That had been the plan—or at least it was Will's plan. After Erin had packed up what she could and left in a hurry, Jay had been left to clean up the mess left behind. Will offered to help out and Jay honestly couldn't refuse at the time, mind too messed up and heart too broken to truly care about the state of his life and home. So Will had taken charge, brought over moving boxes and Jay sat idly by on the couch, drinking himself to a stupor and trying to numb himself, as Will packed up the life Jay had shared with Erin into two separate stacks of boxes—his and hers. Will insisted on getting rid of everything that wasn't owned by Jay, a cleanse of some sort so Jay wouldn't constantly be reminded of the fact that he got his heart ripped out. Not that Jay could ever forget it, hurt filling him every time he had a second to himself, every time he walked into the bullpen and saw Erin's empty desk, every time he drove past by their favorite restaurant, coffee shop, every corner of the city reminding him of her. But Will was adamant that those reminders didn't need to exist in his home, that it should be an Erin-free zone. But Jay couldn't do it. He couldn't get rid of her like he thought she easily did of him. Especially those ornaments that Erin cherished so much and Jay associated holidays with. Will wasn't happy to hear that and neither of them were willing to back down until Jay had punched Will in the face and kicked him out. Hurt and angry, Will stormed off—leaving Jay to be truly alone. Still he couldn't get rid of her stuff, even if it was the smart thing to do—the easy thing to do. It took Will a while to come around on the idea that maybe Jay needed reminders of Erin and pushing Jay to pretend as though he didn't just lose the love of his life wasn't the best idea.

"I couldn't," Jay shared, looking down at Erin. "Those ornaments are very important to me." Erin gave him a sleepy smile, head tilting up to catch his lips. "Besides, I knew how much those things cost." She let out a small laugh at that, giving him a half hearted smack on his chest. "But I'd spend ten times that amount because I know how much you love them."

"I love _you_," Erin corrected. "And I know it would've been easier to throw them out but I'm happy you didn't." Erin had shared with him her thoughts about how those ornaments represented their past and their future, a rare moment of Erin getting sentimental, but he had fully agreed with her.

"Yeah they do look pretty nice hanging up there, don't they?" Jay acknowledged, "Almost put the tree at the Rockefeller Center to shame, huh?" He felt Erin shrug and mumbled a quiet 'I wouldn't know'. He looked down, surprised at her words. "You've never seen the tree in person?"

"Was never really in holiday spirits," Erin admitted. "Plus the crowd and the tourists. Not really my thing." A small moment of sadness passed in Jay's heart at Erin's admittance and he thought about how miserable both of them have been in the years they've been apart. He was not in holiday spirits for the past two years either, only mustering up enough enthusiasm to exchange gifts with Will and Owen despite his brother's many failed attempt to cheer him up.

"Yeah, me either." But he thought about it more and how nice it would be to see the giant tree in person if Erin was there next to him. He had heard stories and had seen pictures of the popular tourist spot and perhaps he had thought before that if he had the chance to be one of the many tourists and New Yorkers in the crowd, milling around the area filled with Christmas spirit and holiday cheers, it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. "But it would be nice to see it in person, at least once. Just to see what all the hype is about."

"Really? I just never pegged you as someone interested in doing typical tourists things."

Jay just shrugged. "Not really," Jay said, agreeing with her. "Just thought it'd be nice."

Erin tilted her head, looking up at him. She ran her fingers on his jaw. "Then we'll do that." He met her eyes, questioning her words. "When you come to New York for Christmas, we'll do that."

"Really?"

Erin smiled, reaching her head up to land a kiss on his jaw. "Sure," she replied, making it sound like it wasn't a big deal. But he knew it was. Erin didn't deal with crowd unless she had to, Erin didn't like doing touristy stuff. "We should see what the big deal is all about right?"

"You'd put yourself through the crowd? Do some touristy thing? Maybe even get you in one of those I heart NY shirt and hat?" he wiggled his brows, teasing.

Erin held her hand up, stopping Jay. "Okay, don't push it," she threatened. "Besides I need to keep you busy during your visit. Otherwise, we'd probably never leave my place."

Images of him and Erin spending his entire Christmas vacation naked and in bed flashed through Jay's mind. "Now that's a good Christmas. Forget the tree. We can just do that."

Erin laughed, shaking her head to let him know it was too late. "How many days of vacation is Hank giving you? Will you be able to stay for New Year too?"

Jay did a quick math in his head. "I got a little over a week off. I guess Platt must've been in a good mood or something. Or maybe she knew that I'd be with you and she can't refuse her favorite."

"Everybody loves me Jay," Erin quipped. "Better get used to it. So New Year?" Erin repeated her question. Jay lifted Erin's hand that was lying on chest and threaded his fingers through hers, bringing them to his lips.

"As long as I'm the one you love, everyone else can deal with their love going unrequited," he proclaimed against her fingers. "Yeah I'll be there for New Year too."

"Really?" Erin's face lit up at the news. "Good."

"Why? You got big plans for us?"

"Maybe," Erin replied, her tone teasing enough to rouse Jay's curiosity. Jay prodded Erin to tell him with his eyes but she remained tight lipped, a teasing smile on her face. "It's a surprise."

"Come on," Jay whined, almost pouting. "Tell me." Erin shook her head. "I'll make it worth your while." He dropped his voice to entice her but Erin held her ground, not revealing anything. Jay took that as a challenged and scooted his body down, body hovering over Erin and he began leaving kisses on Erin's neck, lips and tongue teasing her. She let out a small moan and he focused on her favorite spot, the place that always turned her on. "Not fair," she mumbled breathlessly, "You….can't….seduce me…" she could barely let out her words. She gripped Jay's shoulder hard when he began sucking at the spot and Erin let out a moan.

"Gonna tell me now?" Jay mumbled against her neck, mouth still working to drive Erin crazy. Erin still didn't give in so he pulled his lips from her skin. "Okay then." His sudden stop snapped Erin's eyes open, her hands reaching out to stop him. A smug smirk came on his face at her reaction. He quirked his brows, waiting for her to crack.

She gave him a glare. "You really don't play fair," she griped as he laid on his side, holding her in his arms. He just grinned in response. "Fine," she gave in, playing with his hair as she looked at him. "I don't know. I was just thinking about ringing in the New Year with you. My place has this rooftop terrace and I don't know," she shrugged before continuing. "We can see the fireworks from there and maybe even see the Time Square ball drop. I just thought it'd be the perfect place for us to spend the New Year eve."

Jay's eyes softened at Erin's plan, already sounding perfect in his head. Really all he needed was Erin. As long as it was Erin he was kissing when the clock struck midnight, it was already perfect for him. "That sounds amazing," he returned her smile, his forehead leaning against hers. "Us and New Year, I can't wait."

"There's something else." Jay pulled his head up and frowned when he saw the nervous look on Erin's face, like she's about to tell him something that he might not like. He tried to reassure her, finger ghosting over her cheeks. "I'm going to put in for some personal time too. I thought that maybe we could spend Valentine's day and my birthday together." Now Jay realized why Erin sounded nervous about telling him. Usually Valentine's Day was not Erin's thing, she never saw the big deal in celebrating a made up holiday. Even when they were a couple, she insisted on not making it a big deal but of course Jay couldn't resist spoiling her with flowers and presents. When else could he unleash his full cheesy self if not on Valentine's day, a day made for sappy love poems and romantic gestures? So for Erin to take the initiative and bring up celebrating the day together, not to mention her birthday which was months away, he knew how big of a deal this was to her and how serious she was about them.

His heart lifted and filled with glee and love. He couldn't get over the fact that not only was Erin in his arms, she was making plans for their future. He just stared at her in awe, amazed and so unbelievably grateful at whatever higher power that was out there for giving him a second chance with the love of his life, for allowing him to love again and for bringing her back in his life. "Well? I know my birthday is a few months away and you might even be in New York by then but I just wanted to make sure that we can spend it together, in the same city. Whether it's New York or Chicago." She sounded hesitant and unsure and Jay realized that even though his insides were flipping around like a lovesick fool, she couldn't hear his joyful cheering inside and she didn't know just how happy she had just made him.

Well, she might not be able to hear his thoughts but he could certainly show her. And he did just that as he bent down and slanted his mouth over hers, taking her by surprise. He kissed her with all the passion and love he held for her, consuming and hungry and she shuddered in his arms. He deepened the kiss, prying her lips apart and she easily gave in. He took the chance and explored the caverns of her mouth deeper, his paradise and nirvana. She gripped his shoulders and her legs crossed around his waist as she pressed herself closer to him, their bodies touching and attaching to each other like two sides of a Velcro, unable to stay apart. He teased the skin on her side with his fingers, ghosting over the underside of her bare breasts and she wrapped her arms around his back in response, dragging his body so he laid on top of her, body hovering so she wouldn't have to bear the brunt of his weight.

The kiss slowed until they parted and she gasped in a breath. He gazed down at her, a lovestruck smile on his face as he remained completely enraptured with her, staring up back at him as she laid on the floor.

"So I take it that you like my plan?" As if she didn't already know or could tell by his enthusiastic reaction. It wasn't just the idea of spending important days with Erin that got his heart racing but the fact that Erin was already had future plans in mind that got him so completely enamored with her. And he just knew that no matter what distance is between him and Erin geographically, they were meant to be together and they'd make it work.

"I love it," Jay replied, lips pressing against her. "Sounds perfect," he voiced against her lips before sealing their lips together again, as the sun slowly came up behind them, light slowly streaming in through the window but they remained oblivious, far too lost in each other.

* * *

"Well, we can cross the townhouse over on Westmoore off the list."

Another day, another list of failed attempts at trying to locate Stan. They've checked and raided nearly every properties the Rappaports owned but to no avail. Stan was a ghost. No footsteps, no digital footprint that they can trace and follow. Nothing. All they have to show for their effort was more frustration mounting as they debriefed in the roll up, taking off their gears and vests.

"How can someone be so good at hiding?" Rollins wondered. "I mean, this is a guy that was sheltered his whole life, he was institutionalized. How did he get the street smarts to evade cops?"

"Look at the resources he has," Olivia replied. "He had disposable amount of money and connections. He can pay off anyone to help him."

"Yeah not to mention the off shore accounts his parents must have stashed away," Carisi muttered. "What? You know for someone to get that rich, it's not all clean money," he claimed, feeling eyes of the team on him at his remarks. "I bet you that they have plenty of money stashed away in the Cayman Island or something. Something funny in their books so they don't have to pay Uncle Sam the true amount in tax."

"Well unfortunately, there's really no way of truly knowing," Olivia interjected. "All we can assume is that he has infinite amount of money at his disposal. He's dangerous, he's vengeful and he's angry."

"He's lost."

All eyes landed on Erin as she voiced her thought out loud. "He's lost," she repeated, earning a couple of disbelief looks from her team.

"You're sympathizing with the killer?" Hailey asked.

Erin averted her eyes, knowing she'd sound crazy if she said yes. And Erin truly didn't want to sympathize with him. He had hurt people, he had killed innocent women, he had sent Jenny running for her life, he had burned Tara and changed her life forever. She definitely wasn't going to go easy on Stan if she got her hands on him, she'd make sure that he'd faced the true extent of the law. But there was a voice inside of Erin that kept on saying that Yates had started all of this. That Stan was truly ill and wasn't in his right mind. His mind was definitely wasn't strong enough to fend off the twisted lies and manipulation that Yates had inundated him with. Yates got him at a vulnerable time, where he had just gotten out of the mental institution, still healing, still recovering and found himself in a trap. A mere pawn of Yates' cruel game.

"I'm just saying that he's lost, that's all. Yates started all of this. He was the one who reached out to Stan in the first place. Yeah Stan definitely shouldn't have listened and he definitely shouldn't have murdered all of those women. I'm not defending that or him with that. I just," Erin trailed off for a couple of second. "I don't know. I guess I just feel bad for the guy a bit. Even if he doesn't deserve it."

They all went quiet, her words bouncing around on everyone's mind. Each of them wondering to what extent did his mental illness excused his actions, was it a defensible excuse? No one really had the answer.

"But it doesn't mean I'm going to let him get away when we catch him," Erin declared. "We will catch him and he will face justice. We will make sure of that."

* * *

Jay had followed her to the staircase that connected the station and the roll up, grabbing her arm so she'd turned around and face him after she had stormed out of the roll up.

"Erin, hey." She turned around, arms crossed. "You okay?"

"Yeah," Erin sighed. "I'm sorry for that."

"Hey, I don't care about that," Jay said, waving off her apology. "I know you and I have zero doubt that you will do what's right. I'm not worried about that. I'm worried about you."

Her stance softened at his words and she exhaled, her body relaxing and walls crumbling. "Tell me what's going on?" His voice was coaxing and gentle.

"Maybe I can just relate to Stan in some way, that's all." Erin shrugged. Jay knitted his brows, indicating for her to elaborate. "Maybe I can relate to that part of him that just wants the approval of his father." Jay's eyes filled with realization and understanding at her explanation. She shouldn't have been surprised that Jay would get it, that he would get her. After all, he had been there by her side as she dealt with her parents issues. Each time Bunny had disappointed her or Erin had cut off her arm to help Bunny, Jay had been there. When Jimmy had thrown Erin's baby pictures on the street, spitting accusations at Erin's face, Jay had been there, ready to pick her up as she crumbled time and time again, lost and starved for her parents' approval and affection.

"Erin," Jay started, taking a couple of steps up the stairs so he was leveled with her. "You're right. Stan is lost and he is probably confused but he still killed people." He held her face, brushing her jaw. "I love that you have a big heart and that you can see things from his side too. That's one of the reasons why I love you so much. You don't have to be embarrassed that you feel for the guy. You don't have to be ashamed that you can sympathize with him. That's what makes you a great detective. One of the best detective I know. You can still feel those things, you can have those thoughts, share them with the group because at the end of the day, I know, everyone knows, that you will do what's right and you're gonna make sure that the victims will get their justice."

Erin closed her eyes at his words, leaning into his touch. "How is that you know just exactly what to say to make me feel better?"

He chuckled softly. "Because I know you." She smiled, looking into his eyes, full of sincerity. "Come on." He held his hand out and Erin held on as she followed him up the stairs. She'd follow him anywhere.

* * *

Erin sat down at her usual seat by Jay's desk that she has claimed over the time she'd been back and waited nervously as everyone made their way back in the bullpen. But everyone just trailed in, one by one, acting normal as usual and Erin's love for her team members—both old and new—grew even more.

"Okay, what's next?"

"We still have a couple of more locations to hit," Kevin spoke. "We still have eyes out searching for Stan."

"What's his endgame here?" Olinsky questioned. "What is he looking for at the end of this? We figure that out and we might be able to figure out where he is and how to stop him."

"The endgame is pretty unclear," Dodds replied. "We do have this." He pointed to the picture they had taken of Stan's whiteboard they found in his room, full of gibberish and scribbles that no one really understood. "No one can understand a damn thing but we have it."

"So the only thing we know is that he wants to inflict much pain and torture on women as he can, just like his father."

"No," Rollins interrupted Kim, disagreeing with her. "That's not all. We do know one more definitive fact. He's after Erin."

Erin felt Jay tense up next to her and she wanted to reach over but held herself back.

"Why is he after her?" Adam voiced, wondering the same thing as everyone else on the team. "Why is he focused on Erin? What made her the target?"

"Because I was the one who killed Yates." All eyes turned to her. "I was the one who shot his father. Stan wants revenge. He wants to kill the person who killed Yates, the one person Stan trusted when he went off the deep end when he thought Jenny was cheating on him and broke up with him. He didn't trust Jenny, he lost his relationship with his parents when they admitted him into the hospital and he felt that he only had Yates but I had taken him away."

"Yeah, that could be it," Antonio said, as he tapped his fingers on his chin. "It did made national news that he was killed by a female officer in this unit and you were the only female officer at the time. He could've easily put two and two together and connected the dot that you killed his father."

"So Erin is his end game and everyone was just collateral damage? His way of scorching the earth."

"Everyone else, all of his victims, were just victims of opportunity," Fin voiced, confirming Dodd's thoughts. "He had no connections to any of them, except for they fit the type of his father's victims and he was following in his footsteps. From the start, the only person he had specifically targeted was Erin."

"So that means that he has to stay close," Jay spoke. "He's not going to be far if he's after Erin. He's still in the Chicago area."

"Okay," Kevin looked through the list. "We still have a couple of properties in the Chicago area that we still need to hit. We should focus on them first before branching out to other places."

Voight nodded, pointing in agreement. "Okay so we narrow it down then. And we hit those places." Their heads turned to the staircase as Platt and the Commander walked up, unhappy look on the Commander's face.

"I need to speak to you Sergeant Voight, in your office now," the Commander ordered, walking straight to Voight's office without sparing a glance back at anyone. Voight put his hand in his pocket, glancing back to Platt who just gave a shrug back as she went back downstairs. Voight sighed deeply and shook his head as he entered his office.

"Now what?" Antonio murmured as everyone had their eyes on the small slits in the windows, giving them a peek inside Voight's office.

A couple of minutes later, the Commander exited and again without a word or a glance, stormed off the bullpen, footsteps heavy as they made its way back downstairs. Voight followed shortly after, standing in the doorway of his office, fingers rubbing his head in frustration.

"What was that?" Olivia asked, getting closer to Voight. "What did he want?"

"Everyone go home," Voight ordered. "Apparently, we've been shut down until we get warrants tomorrow. The Commander won't allow us to search through anymore properties tonight."

"Really?" Carisi whined, "We're really gonna let something like warrants stop us?"

"It's not a stop!" Olivia retorted, holding her hand up. "Right?" Voight nodded. "Maybe this is better anyway, waiting to get a warrant. Do things by the book completely. So go home guys. We can pick this up tomorrow." Voight went back inside his office briskly and Olivia gave everyone a reassuring smile before following him inside.

They all stood around for a minute, not knowing how to process what just happened, until Adam spoke up, rubbing his hands together. "Okay early night then! How about Molly's? I got the first round!"

Sounds of agreement made its way around the room. Erin and Jay exchanged glances with each other, each wondering if the other person was down for it. Adam walked over to them, putting his hand on both of their shoulders and squeezing it. "Oh no, don't even think about it. You two are coming. You haven't been out with the group, all holed up in your place." Jay shot Adam an annoyed look. "I'm not taking no for an answer."

Jay looked over at Erin and she just shrugged, indicating that she'd be down for it. It did sound fun, not as fun as spending the night with Jay just the two of them but she did miss hanging out with her team and they've been so good to her. "Yes!" Adam cheered. "See you guys there!"

* * *

Jay parked the car and looked over at Erin. "Ready?" She nodded. "We don't have to stay long. Just have a couple of drinks then we can go home."

"No, it's fine. It actually sounds kind of fun."

"Then why do you look so nervous?" Jay shot back, noticing the look on Erin's face.

"I'm not nervous!" Erin denied. "It's just…okay, promise you won't make fun of me." Jay gave a nod. "It's the first time we're hanging out with our co-workers since we've gotten back together."

Jay grinned. "You're nervous about us making our first public appearance?" Erin shot him a look and he tried to hold his grin back. "I'm not making fun of you. It's just you're so cute." He reached over to hold her hands. "You don't have to be nervous. I know you're not really comfortable letting people see your personal life but these are our friends. They know you, they know us. They're cool with it."

Erin nodded, letting Jay's words comfort her. She didn't even know why she felt so jittery , walking into Molly's with Jay's hand in hers. But it would be the first time she had came back that everyone will know that status of her and Jay's relationship. She suspected that most of them already knew, Antonio had confirmed as much, but this would be a declaration from them, not just to the 21st district and their little unit but to everyone else, the regulars that always seemed to be at Molly's, Firehouse 51. She just needed a reminder that it was just Molly's, a bar that she had been to many times with Jay as a couple. Heck, it was the place where she and Jay had became official and he had kissed her in front of everyone, letting people know he was hers and she was his, that they were together. Perhaps it was fitting that Molly's would be the same place that they'd be doing the same again.

"Yeah," she squeezed Jay's hands and he smiled, bringing her hand to land a kiss on it. "Let's go. I need a drink."

"That's my girl." Jay grinned and they exited the car, meeting in the middle so Jay can wrap his arm around her and they made their way to the bar.

* * *

The first thing she noticed was the immediate warmth the bar provided, in stark contrast to the cold outside. The second were the lingering eyes from some people she recognized and a few she didn't as she and Jay made their way to the large table their friends had commandeered in the back, Jay's arms around her as she leaned into his embrace. She knew what a small world they were in, that all the first responders and civil servants practically knew each other, if not by friendships then by name at least. And that the news of her and Jay's reconciliation would already be making the rounds as gossip before they even leave tonight. But seeing Jay's self-assured face, just smiling widely as he led her further inside, murmurs and mutterings of words about them rolling off his back as if he didn't even notice or cared, got Erin wanting to do the same. She was in love, she was back with Jay, screw what other people think.

"So we finally got the damn thing fixed, out of our pockets I might add and we respond to our next call, all happy thinking Platt won't be on our ass about it, and guess what happened next?" Kim paused for dramatic effect. " A freaking brick falls on the damn hood! A freaking huge dent was on the hood! And me and Kev just looked at each other and we were like 'yeah, we're screwed.' It was bad!" Roars of laughter made its way around the table as Kim regaled the tale of her and Kevin's patrol days.

"How did Platt take it?" Carisi asked. "Because she's one scary lady. I wouldn't want to piss her off."

"She was pissed!" Kim replied, dragging the last word out for emphasis. "She just gave us this look like she could kill us with her bare hands."

"I wouldn't be surprised if she could," Fin said. "That one, she's a real battleaxe!" Erin laughed, recalling Fin's first impression of Platt.

"So there we were, out of $250 and nothing but a dented hood to show for it. Yeah, we got the worst details for the next month. It was horrible."

"You know, now that you reminded me Burgess," Kevin sniffed. "You still owe me $125 for that. So cash? Check? Never mind, I don't take checks so just cash please."

Kim smacked Kevin's shoulders. "No way! I was the one who got us that discount!"

"I was the one with the connection!" Kevin shot back. "Trust me, it would've been a lot more than $500 if we went somewhere else."

"How about I get the next round and we call it even?" Kim offered, holding up the empty pitcher of beer that was on the table. "Yeah?"

Kevin rolled his eyes, giving in, earning a squeal of happiness from Kim as she stood up and made her way over to the bar. "And I'm supposed to be the cheap one," Kevin muttered.

"Yeah sorry bud, I think that the statue of limitations on old debt expires after 2 years," Jay said, patting Kevin's back. "At least you're being compensated by a glass of beer." Jay grabbed the pitcher that Kim was carrying as she made her way back. "And because I know you're a nice guy Atwater, that you're willing to share it with the rest of the group," Jay teased as he filled up Erin's empty glass before filling up his own.

"To Kevin!" Jay toasted and they all cheered, as everyone finished filling their own glasses leaving just the amount barely enough to fill half a glass for Kevin.

"To Kevin!" Everyone cheered in jest, laughing. Jay held his glass out, sharing a look with Erin as they toasted each other, their glasses clinking. Erin held Jay's gaze, his eyes crinkling at the corner and a wide smile on his face. Jay reached for her hand underneath the table, locking their fingers together as their eyes remained locked on each other. The night was turning out even better than she thought.

"Look at these two!" Adam's boisterous voice interrupted the moment, him coming around the table to wrap his arms around both Jay and Erin, head bending down. "Look they haven't been able to stop staring at each other with those lovey dovey faces. Anything you two want to share with the group?"

Jay sent Adam a glare, his eyes turning into slits. "Come on, leave them alone Ruzek. They're adorable together," Antonio defended them, a teasing smile on his face. "Look, I bet they're even holding hands under the table." At that, Erin and Jay quickly pried their hands apart, Erin trying her best not to blush and trying to put on the best annoyed look on her face. Usually a scowl on her face was enough to scare Adam and Kevin off and sometimes Antonio but she had lost her touch because they were grinning like idiots, taking the rare chance to make fun of her and Jay.

"Shut up!" Jay grumbled, brushing Adam's hand off of his shoulder.

"Oh come on," Adam whined, hand returning back on his shoulder. "We're just having fun. We think it's great that you two are back together! Really!"

"You two are together?" Dodds asked, sounding surprised. "Really?" Everyone at the table just looked at him in disbelief, like they couldn't believe that he didn't know.

"You didn't know? Really?" Kim questioned.

"I don't know, no one told me?" Dodds replied. "Oh come on, everyone knew really? Carisi you knew?" Carisi nodded, looking at Dodds like he was an idiot. "Fin you too?" Fin just raised his brows, answering his question.

"Me and Nick knew the first time they came to New York," Amanda spoke up, everyone's attention turning to her. "Halstead tried to deny it but we knew there was something going on between these two, especially when he said that Erin was the toughest person he knew. He looked like a lovesick fool."

Erin turned to Jay, her eyes looking at him in wonder. "You said that about me? Really?"

A soft smile came over Jay's face. "Yeah," he admitted sheepishly. "I meant it too." Erin smiled, eyes remaining on Jay's face. She knew that he always held her in high regards but to hear it from someone else, that even someone that didn't really know them that well at the time could tell his sincerity towards Erin, it melted Erin's heart.

"Awww," gushing sounds from both Kim and Hailey broke them out of their reverie and they turned their heads to find half of their friends looking happy for them while the other half had mischievous looks on their faces, probably wondering how they could embarrass and put them on the spot even more. Erin's theory was confirmed right away when Adam suddenly walked across the bar, jumping up to grab the mistletoe that was hanging on top of the bar—ignoring indignant sounds and questins of what the hell he was doing from Hermann and Otis—and walked back over to them, a shit eating grin on his face.

"Guess what I found?" He held up the mistletoe over Jay and Erin, pointing his finger between the two. "Now kiss!"

"You're a child Ruzek!" Erin chided, smacking Adam in the chest. "We are not kissing because of some mistletoe." That seemed to egg Adam and Kevin on more and Adam started pumping his fist, chanting "Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!", waving his hand to get others to join in on his crusade. Of course, Adam's partner in crime, Kevin was ready and he joined in, chanting alongside with him. Erin's jaw dropped when she saw Antonio and even Olinsky joining in. She glanced over at Jay who was turning redder by the second.

"Hey Hank!" she suddenly yelled out, pretending to look over the table. Immediately everyone went quiet at hearing the Sergeant's name, Adam immediately dropping his hand holding the mistletoe and hiding it behind his back, even Jay looked panicked. Erin bursted out laughing at their reactions, slamming her hand on the table trying to control her laughter. "Oh my god, you guys should see your faces!" she claimed, still laughing. "It was priceless!"

"So Voight's not really here right?" Adam asked, face turning red. "Because I don't want to get fired."

"Payback Ruzek!" Erin patted Adam's arm, trying to control her laughter at the scared look on Adam's face. "Hank's not here. Relax."

Adam and Kevin let out their breath. "Oh you're evil Lindsay," Kevin cried, his hand over his chest. "That was evil."

"Spoilsport!" Adam whined, sitting back down in his seat.

"Oh come on guys!" Erin giggled. "How about I get the next round and make it up to you guys?" After a round of enthusiastic nods, Erin stood up heading over to the bar.

* * *

"Hey Hermann, a couple of more pitchers please!" Erin ordered as the firefighter winked at her request. Erin smiled back at him, always enjoying her interaction with the sweet man behind the bar. She leaned on the bar, her arms crossed as she waited for Hermann to come back with her order. She really was having a fun night, even Adam's relentless teasing of her and Jay had her more amused than anything. She knew that her team cared about them and were happy for them. They have always been supportive in their own ways at her and Jay's relationship.

"You guys sound like you're having fun," A voice whispered in Erin's ear and she recoiled in surprise. "Whoa it's just me." Kelly Severide reached out to hold Erin in place.

"Kelly," Erin gasped, her heart beating fast at the sudden appearance of her ex-boyfriend. "You scared me! I didn't even see you there."

Severide chuckled. "I'm not surprised. You looked like you were deep in thoughts there," he said. "So out with the guys huh? You guys sound like you're having so much fun, I almost feel left out."

Erin laughed. "Well you're welcome to join us, anytime." She knew the guys wouldn't mind, the first responders and the Intelligence unit often crossed paths and were friends with each other. She just wasn't sure if Molly's would be able to handle the loud boisterous atmosphere that was sure to come if the two groups joined together.

"Yeah maybe," Severide replied. "Although I have to ask if Halstead is going to kill me for coming over," he teased. Erin lightly smacked his arm, giving him a pointed look.

"Severide," she retorted, trying to insert a hint of warning in her tone but ultimately failing. She guessed it was open night for people to tease her about Jay, although she wasn't exactly surprised. She had been expecting it when she walked in here in Jay's arms.

"See," Severide said, nudging her with his shoulder. "I knew it!"

"Knew what?"

"That you two would find your way back to each other," Severide replied, eyes and smile earnest. "I called it the first night I saw you back at Molly's."

Erin pursed her lips, flashing back to the night she had met up with Jay at Molly's and the conversation they had then. They had come a long way since then. "Yeah, I guess you did," she admitted, recalling Severide hinting back then of how maybe her and Jay weren't done yet. He was right.

"Yeah see, I knew it," he noted. "I could see just how much you two still love each other." Erin looked over the bar, her eyes landing on Jay at the table across the room. He looked so handsome as he nursed a beer in his hand, his eyes smiling and mouth grinning at some joke Adam was telling that Erin couldn't stop the smile that came over her face. He caught her eyes across the room, as if he could feel Erin's gaze on him and he smiled at her, giving her a subtle wink and she flushed, feeling the heat of his gaze all the way down to her toes. How he could drive her wild and crazy with just a look from across the room, Erin would never understand. But if the lovesick look on her face—one that Severide definitely noticed judging by the knowing smile on his face—was anything to go by, she didn't care how or why. She just loved him, that was all. That was all she needed to know.

* * *

They crashed through the door and Jay's back hit the wall hard as he braced himself, holding up Erin's weight. Their lips were in a heated battle, locked against one another as Erin tightened her legs around Jay's waist. She was heated and she was desperate and she just needed Jay closer than closer. She could taste the lingering hint of alcohol in Jay's kisses and his skin pulsating beneath her. Her hands worked to pull his jacket off, Jay lifting himself off against the wall a little so she can discard the garment and throw it across the room, not giving a damn about the obstructive object. She needed to feel Jay's skin now and the shirt he was wearing was just standing in the way of that so it needed to go. She pulled the shirt off as he held her up, cupping her behind as she straddled him. She bent down, lips working on his throat then his clavicle, her hands roaming everywhere else.

She heard him let out a guttural moan that drove her crazy with lust and she bent her head to the side, giving him full access to her neck as he nipped and sucked at the skin. She clung to him, their lips reattaching to one another as he carried them over to the couch. Jay sat down on the couch with a thud as Erin followed, still straddling him, pressing their bodies together as much as they could. She pulled him harder against her and he groaned softly, his arms tightening around her. They kissed and kissed, Erin could feel her lips getting swollen but she didn't care. His kisses were intoxicating, his touch exhilarating and Erin was gone, ready to give into every demand his hands were making as he pulled her shirt off, bra quickly unclasped and thrown to the side. She moaned when his mouth traveled to her chest, the valley of her breasts becoming the landing strip for his tongue and she tugged his head closer to her chest, him burying his face between the slopes of her breasts.

She lifted his head, needing his lips again and Jay was quick to comply, eagerly meeting his lips with hers and she wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him closer.

"Ignore it," she mumbled against his mouth as his cell phone started to ring in his pants. She kissed him again, distracting them from the sound. Then it was her phone that went off. Jay brought her head down and caught her lips again, both of them doing their best to ignore the ringing sound. Finally, Jay's landline rang several times, both of them still lost in each other's kisses.

_Beep_

"Halstead! Lindsay!" Voight's gruff voice came over the answering machine. "If you guys are there, pick up the goddamn phone!" Jay groaned at hearing Voight's voice, head lolling back to the couch. "Something jumped off. Get your asses down to the station as soon as you get this message. Get here right away!"

Erin turned her head to Jay, both of them exchanging looks with each other. Whatever that happened, judging by Voight's voice and the urgency in it, it definitely wasn't good.

* * *

Both of them ran into the station, Jay quickly entering the pass code needed to get upstairs and they took two stairs at a time, entering the bullpen in a rush. Everyone else was already gathered, faces tense and apprehensive.

"What's going on?" Erin asked, walking closer to where everyone was standing in front of the monitor. "What happened?"

Voight stepped forward, fingers running through his forehead. "A video message came through the server earlier. It was addressed to you."

Erin's eye widened. "Is it from Stan?" Hank nodded. "Have you seen the video? What's in it?"

"Not yet," Olivia answered, stepping closer to Erin to calm her down. "We were waiting for everyone."

"Okay so everyone's here now," Erin said. "Let's play it!" Voight gave the signal to Adam to play the video, Erin walking closer to the screen, arms crossed, ready to watch whatever that was in the message.

"Hello Detective Lindsay," Stan's voice came over the screen as the camera scanned around a room that Erin didn't recognize. Then the camera turned and Stan made his appearance, holding up the camera in a selfie style. "I assume by now you already know who I am. You're a smart girl. Or at least that's what my dad thought."

Erin watched as a callous smirk appeared on Stan's face. "Remember when we met earlier in the coffee shop and you pretended that you didn't know who I was? Remember that?" he chuckled. "Remember what I told you back then? How I'm a helpful person?"

Erin bit her lips, her body running cold. Whatever Stan had in mind by sending the video, she knew it wouldn't be good. "Well," his voice continued on the video. "Who knew at that time that you'd be the more helpful one?" He let out a laugh, sending chills up Erin's body. It was a cold and heartless laughter. "Because you've been so helpful Erin. See, I've been searching for a while now and you come in and you helped me find it like that," he said, snapping his fingers. "So easily. So helpful."

"What the hell is he talking about?" Jay snapped, anger clouding his voice. Erin shrugged, she was just as in the dark as the rest of them.

"So I just want to say thank you," Stan said before turning the camera around. "Because you've helped me find her. You led me to her." He smirked, as the camera turned and landed on Jenny, bound and gagged to a chair, crying as she tried to struggle to get free.

Erin's eyes widened at seeing the girl in Stan's grasp.

Stan came in the picture, leaning down next to a scared looking Jenny. He held a knife in his hand, skimming the sharp object over Jenny's skin, running it through her hair. "Thank you Detective Lindsay," he spoke into the camera, leaning to kiss Jenny on the cheek as she remained struggling,trying to get away. "Truly!"

He smirked, a callous look coming over his face as he stared into the camera, a knife in his hand and a terrified Jenny in his grasp. Jenny that Erin had promised to protect. Jenny that Erin had led Stan to find.


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

"Oh my god," Erin dropped her face in her hands, anger coursing through her body. "He has Jenny."

She felt Kim stopped next to her and patteD her shoulder. She exchanged a look with Kim, knowing that the other woman was feeling the same way that she was—it was their fault.

"If you want to see Jenny alive again, then come. Come alone," Stan continued on screen, still holding Jenny at knifepoint. "At midnight. Come alone to where it started and finish it, Detective. I'll be waiting. One minute past midnight and Jenny, my sweet Jenny," he sniggered, giving Jenny another kiss on the cheek as the girl recoiled in fear, "will die a painful death, just like she deserves." He promised and the screen went black.

"He didn't give a location," Kevin noted.

"He knows we're going to be tracing the source of the video." Rollins explained. "We need to trace the IP address and find out where he sent the video. That's where he is." She quickly got up and walked over to a nearby computer and started the task.

"Let me call the Springfield P.D and find out what they know on their end," Antonio said, picking up his phone and dialing the number.

Voight looked down at his watch. "Midnight, we have just about two hours before the deadline."

"He wants me to come alone," Erin spoke, turning to the group. "I was the one who led him to Jenny, this is my fault that he got her." She shook her head, frustrated. Jenny was trying to move on and live her life far away from Stan but she had led Stan straight to her and now Jenny's life was in trouble because of her. "I'm going," she declared, face set. She knew that Voight and Olivia wouldn't be pleased with that but she was the one who got Jenny into this, she would be the one who would get her out.

"Absolutely not," Olivia interjected, holding up her hand.

"Lieutenant, I led him to her. She was hiding from him and he found her because of me. Because he was following me."

"You guys made sure that no one was following you when you and Kim went to Springfield right?" Voight questioned.

"Yes," Kim answered. "We made sure that no one was following us. We were extra careful. I don't know how he found out her location." Kim had the same look on her face as Erin did, like she was responsible.

"Okay, got the location," Rollins announced. "1493 Bernard."

"1493 Bernard," Jay repeated, pointing his finger. "That's the Rappaport's main house," Jay said as he looked through the files. "That's why he said where it all started. This is where he grew up."

"Alright then. Two hours! We know what to do," Voight proclaimed, directing everyone to the roll up to get ready to confront Stan. One by one, they exited the bullpen, heading to the rollup.

"Olivia! Voight!" Erin called out, following behind them down the steps, trying to convince them to change their minds about her coming along. "Please. I need to be there."

"Erin," Olivia turned around, staring Erin down. "We're not going to give him what he wants, especially what he wants is to get his hands on you. Okay?"

Erin clenched her lips, frustrated. She hated being coddled and she hated being not trusted and she just knew that it was just about her superiors not trusting her completely to go after Stan herself as much as it was about protecting her.

"Lieutenant, you can trust me. I will follow all of your orders on the scene, I promise. I just want to be there."

Olivia almost looked hurt at Erin's word, turning her head away. "Erin, this isn't about not trusting you," Olivia claimed. "I trust you. Voight trusts you. I'd do the same thing as I'm doing if it was someone else on the team. This isn't about punishing you or singling you out for what you did before."

"I was the one who led Stan to Jenny," Erin pleaded again. "I'm responsible for her being in his clutches. I'm the one who got Jenny in trouble. I have to fix it. It's my fault!"

"Maybe not," Antonio interrupted, coming down the stairs into the rollup. "That was Springfield P.D," he started, holding up his cell phone. "So protective detail for Jenny wasn't going to start until tomorrow so Stan had one hell of a timing. Got to her in the nick of time. They also had uniforms go over to the diner where Jenny worked and she wasn't working today, Stan didn't get her from the diner. He got her from her house. Uniforms found the lock broken in and signs of struggle at her home."

Kim knitted her brows. "But we didn't go to Jenny's house. We just met her at the diner where she was working. How did he know where she lived then?"

"Springfield Police," Erin theorized, her finger wagging as she tried to put the pieces together. "Remember Jenny was afraid of us working for Stan?" Kim nodded, recalling Jenny's suspicions and paranoia about them being dirty cops. "Jenny mentioned that Stan could've paid people off to do his dirty work for him. And we alerted the Springfield P.D about putting protective detail on Jenny."

"He could've had a mole in there," Kim said, following Erin's thoughts. "Stan could've been paying off cops in different cities, just in case Jenny was hiding out there."

"Exactly. He knew that Jenny didn't have a lot of money so he knew she couldn't have gone far and Springfield is just a couple of hours away, definitely a reasonable area that Jenny could've been in. So let's say he had an insider, a dirty cop, he was paying off and that cop would've found out Jenny's home address when she was put into protective custody."

"And that's how he was able to get her from her house," Kim concluded.

"So he was lying then when he said you led him to her," Dodds said.

"I mean technically I did. We were the one who put in that protective detail for her. That's how he was alerted to where she was."

"You were trying to protect Jenny," Jay interjected, defending Erin. "You couldn't have known that he had someone working inside for him."

Erin shrugged. "It doesn't matter at this point. All that matters is that he has her and he wants me to come," she turned to Voight and Olivia again. "Please."

"Remember what we said in the break room?" Olivia stepped closer to Erin, holding her shoulder. "You said you'll follow orders and this is it Erin. You're staying behind. Follow my order or I will be forced to strip you of your duties for insubordination."

"Fine," Erin gritted out, her stubbornness showing. "Then that'll just leave me to do whatever I want."

"Not if I arrest you for obstruction of justice if you don't stay away from police investigation as a civilian," Olivia threatened. Erin scoffed in disbelief.

"Lieutenant," Jay interrupted, stepping in between Olivia and Erin. "Just give us a minute. Please." Olivia nodded and Jay held Erin's arm, gently pulling her into the stairwell to give them some privacy. Erin let herself be pulled, knowing that it was the smart thing to do before she said things she couldn't take back to Olivia and Voight.

* * *

"Erin," Jay's voice was soft and gentle as he closed the door, giving them the privacy they needed.

"Jay I know what you're going to say," Erin began, crossing her arms in defensive stance. "You don't want me on this."

"Do you trust me?" Jay asked, ignoring what Erin said. She furrowed her brows at his question. "Do you trust me?" Jay repeated his question.

"Of course," Erin replied. "You know I do Jay."

Jay nodded, accepting her answer. "Do you trust this team?"

Erin sighed, knowing where Jay was going. "Jay," she stopped him, her voice stern. But he ignored her as he repeated his question again. Erin gave in. "Yes, I trust the team. This isn't about…"

"Do you trust us to bring Jenny back alive and safe?" Jay questioned, interrupting Erin. His eyes were gazing into hers as he waited for her answer, inquiring. She tried to hold his gaze but couldn't and she directed her eyes to the ground, muttering a soft "yes" in reply.

Jay acknowledged her quiet answer and rubbed her arms, holding her in his hands until she met his eyes again. "Then let us do this. Listen to Olivia and Voight. Stan wants you there for a reason and that's to get to you. To get his revenge on you. Don't give him the chance, please."

She looked at him, his plea piercing through her stubbornness and breaking it down. She thought back to just a couple of nights ago where Jay had poured his heart out to her, confiding his fear in her. His vulnerable state during that night where both of them broke down their usual walls and letting the other in was rare and she knew just how difficult it was for Jay to do so—to show such a vulnerable side to him, being that open with another person after years of hiding his pain and struggles. They made promises to each other that night. They were both trying their hardest not to repeat mistakes of the past, letting go of their desperate need for control and the instinct to pretend that they were fine and lean on each other as they build the solid ground for their relationship. She couldn't break her promise to him, she didn't want to.

Erin's hand went to his that was resting on her arm and she squeezed it, giving him the answer he wanted. "Okay," she gave in. "I'll stay behind. I trust you and I trust the team to get her back." Jay smiled, leaning into give her a kiss on the forehead, whispering a thank you into her skin. She pulled back and directed his eyes to hers. "I won't go after Stan. I won't risk our future," she promised.

A smile came over Jay's face. "Our sunny days," he breathed, foreheads leaning against each other again and he caught her lips in a quick kiss. "We're going to have a ton of those Erin. We're going to get Stan and it'll be over and we can have everything we want."

"Our sunny days," Erin repeated, leaning into Jay's touch as he held her face in a tender grip, fingers brushing the shell of her ears. She smiled, mirroring the one he had on his face. They pulled apart, reluctantly and Jay led them back to the door so they can rejoin the group. Erin stopped Jay's hand just as he was about to open the door again and break the bubble of privacy they had.

"Jay," she intertwined their fingers, turning him around so she can look him straight in the eyes. "I promise. I won't go after Stan by myself," she vowed again, hoping he can read the honesty in her eyes. "So when you are out there, I don't want you distracted, worrying about me. I'll be safe here."

She wanted to make sure Jay understood her promise fully. That she wouldn't run after Stan like she did Yates or other criminal. She would keep her promise. She didn't want Jay distracted while on the job, worrying about whether or not she was safe. She needed him focused completely on his job, so he can come back to her safe and sound.

"I know, I trust you." Jay nodded, understanding where she was coming from. She reached up to kiss him again, one more reassurance for each other.

"Come back to me," Erin whispered against his lips. "I'll be waiting." Jay nodded, searing his own promise to her into her skin with his lips.

* * *

"One hour!" Voight shouted as the team got vested up and got their weapons ready. Erin stood by, arms crossed, as she watched silently while her team got ready for the mission. She hated being benched and put on the sideline to do nothing but watch idly by as everyone else put their lives in danger but she gritted it, knowing that it was the smart thing to do. She already had gone off and done a stupid thing by going after Stan on her own already and she knew that she wouldn't get another chance. Her eyes landed on Jay's back as he got his rifle ready, inserting bullets in it, muscles taut as he focused on his task. She had made a promise to Jay and she fully intended on keeping it.

"Alright, got the blueprint!" Kevin announced as he bounced down the steps, holding up a rolled up piece of paper. He walked over to the table and unrolled it as the team gathered around it, the blueprint of Stan's childhood home and surrounding houses in the middle.

"We could enter through here," Jay pointed to a spot on the paper. "It's a big house. Basement, attic, plenty of rooms to hide in."

"Judging by the room in the video, I think we can rule out the first floor," Fin said. "Living room, kitchen. Cross those off the list."

They remained standing, coming up with a plan then a contingency plan as the hour counted down. It helped alleviate some of the nerves in Erin's stomach knowing that they had a solid plan going in and that they weren't just going in blind. She still dreaded the thought of being left behind, left to worry, while everyone else were risking their lives in a dangerous situation but at least this was something.

"Alright, we got to roll Serg," Kevin called out, looking at his watch. "It's 11:30."

Voight nodded, pressing his fingers on the bridge of his nose. "Okay, we'll roll out as soon as Ruzek gets back."

"Where is he anyway?" Erin questioned and as soon as her question was out, Adam entered on cue with two uniform officers in tow. Erin rolled her eyes to herself, realizing what Voight had ordered Adam to do.

"Hey guys, this is Gutierrez and Maloney," Adam introduced to the group, pointing to the two patrolmen. "They were my academy mates and I trust them completely. They're great cops," Adam vouched.

"I don't need a babysitter," Erin scoffed, indignation rising in her chest. "I already told you I'll stay behind. I don't need uniforms babysitting me. I'm not gonna run off."

"Great!" Voight exclaimed. "Then looks like you have nothing to worry about and they get easy overtime pay." Erin rolled her eyes, not even bothering to protest again knowing it was pointless. She was on a short leash and she'd just have to suck it up. She didn't want to make any more waves before they leave.

So instead she shifted her focus to the weapon lock up where Jay was, putting his vest on. She walked over to join him and Antonio. The older detective gave her a knowing smile and squeezed her shoulder before walking away, giving her and Jay some space. She grabbed the strap from Jay's hand and attached the two ends on his shoulder, patting it several times to make sure it was put on properly. He gave her a grin over his shoulder as she focused on doing the same for the other side of his shoulder. After the vest was on, he turned around, stepping closer in her space.

"You alright?" Erin gave Jay a pointed look at his question. He was the one who was about to go on a dangerous mission and he was worried about her? She voiced as much and he returned her look, as if she should've known that she came first for him. She knew what he wanted from her. He wanted for her to tell him what she was feeling inside. But how was she supposed to tell him that there was this heavy feeling in her guts about what they were about to do. That it was similar to the same feeling she had before she went on the raid that got her shot. Despite coming up with a quick plan and a contingency plan, she still hated the thought of being left behind, unable to do anything but worry. She trusted her team members but she also loved her team members so the fact that she wouldn't be there to have their back, to have Jay's back, was gnawing at her. She couldn't tell Jay that right before he was about to leave. She didn't want him worrying about her, she needed him focused on himself.

But as usual, he seemed to understand her feelings without her needing to speak them. He gave her an understanding smile as he reached into his pants and pulled out something. He reached for her hand to place the object inside and Erin felt the coldness of the stainless steel in her hand.

_Jay's dog tags. _

The same ones Jay had given to her after Jay went through the ordeal with Terry getting killed, after she was scared out of her mind—not just because of the close call Jay had—that Jay would lose a part of himself in the guilt. She remembered wanting to be there for Jay, to be the wall of strength for him as he had been for her, even if all she could do was to be next to him while he dealt with his grief. She remembered lying in bed with him after Jay had returned from pouring one out for Terry with Mouse and Ethan and talking with Hank and he had allowed her to be there for him and how grateful she was at that. She remembered stroking his hair while he laid in her arms, giving her free reign to pepper kisses on his face while he fought off the demons in his sleep, her embrace his armor, her love his armament. The next morning, he had slipped the chain with his dog tags attached in her hands, telling her that he wanted her to keep it, that with her in his life, he'd never be lost. It became her good luck charm of sorts, her comfort item. It was a symbol of Jay, that she always had him in her life, by her side.

But she had left it behind when she left, it didn't feel right to take it with her despite wanting to. She knew how important it was to Jay and she didn't deserve it, not while she was doing her best not to look back.

"I got it out of my desk earlier," Jay explained. "I want you to hold on to it again for me." She gripped the object in her hand, clutching it to her chest.

"I'll keep it safe," Erin promised. "Thank you." He gave her a blinding smile in return.

"Be careful out there," she urged with both her eyes and her words. His eyes traveled behind her, scanning their surroundings. She turned around, following his move and found everyone else caught up in their own task, leaving them in their own bubble. After being satisfied that they had a quick private moment to themselves, Jay leaned down and placed a quick kiss on her lips, a final reassurance for both of them.

"I'll be careful."

"Alright, let's roll out!" Voight ordered and Erin reluctantly let Jay go, their fingers brushing as he headed out. She followed behind as everyone gathered in the middle of the rollup one final time, vested up and ready. Voight nodded and headed out first, leaving everyone to follow him. She watched, arms crossed and cheeks hollowed, as one by one her team members walked out of the rollup, ready to end this thing and save Jenny. Jay was the last to walk out, turning back one final time to look at Erin, catching her gaze one final time, their eyes telling the other '_I love you', _ before joining the rest of the group. Erin stood, watching Jay's back retreat further and further away from her, her hands tied and her chest heavy as the most important people in her life had gone off without her.

* * *

Jay exited the car, gun holster attached to his thigh and a rifle in his hands. His heart was pumping, full of adrenaline, ready to take Stan out. If Stan was cooperative then great. If he wasn't then Jay had a bullet with his name on it. No more running around, hiding in the shadows and terrorizing women. No more threatening and taunting Erin. Not if Jay could help it.

"Everybody look alive!" Voight ordered gruffly. Jay's eyes were narrowed and focused. It was a cold night, every breath he took was sharp but it helped him. It kept him from going numb, it kept him in the moment.

He held his rifle out and approached the large house, the house where Stan grew up with his adoptive family. The lights were off, lending weight to the theory that they had about Stan keeping Jenny in the basement.

"Chicago P.D," Voight whispered, not wanting to give Stan any indication that the unit was there but still following protocol. Voight turned to Kevin and Jay stepped aside as he rammed the door down. Jay was the first person through the door, rifle pointed and ready. The flashlight on his rifle offered just enough light for him to see what was in front of him and he scanned his surrounding, the opulent home quiet and dark. He made his way further in, Antonio behind him and they worked in silent to locate Stan.

He entered the large kitchen, footsteps slow and steady in contrast to his thumping heart. He felt Antonio's hand on his shoulder and the other man gestured with his head to a closed door, mouthing "basement". Jay nodded and walked closer to the door. He pointed his finger, signaling for Antonio to cover him and he slowly twisted the door open, his weapon immediately pointed back out.

The small light showed steps leading to a dark room at the bottom. Jay slowly made his way down the steps, Antonio still behind him. He felt sweat starting to gather on his forehead as he neared the bottom. Taking the last step down, he yelled out "Chicago P.D!" He waved the light around, scanning the room, finding the basement empty.

"It's empty! There's no one here!" He relayed it to Antonio, frustrating building inside of him. The basement was their best guess on where Stan had stashed Jenny but it was empty. "Come on," he moved to get back upstairs and continue their search.

"Clear!" Jay heard voices shout when they got back upstairs into the kitchen. He followed the voices and found most of the members gathered back in the living room on the main floor.

"Basement's empty!" Jay informed the group, teeth gritting. "What about the rest of the house?"

"Clear upstairs!" Hailey said, Dodds nodding alongside her. "We checked every room and they were all empty. Untouched."

"There's nothing in the backyard," Rollins said, her and Carisi rejoining the group. "There was a tool shed or something in the back but it was clear."

"They're not here!" Jay spat, a heavy dread starting to fill his chest. "It was a trap!"

"Guys!" Kim ran in the room, panting and her face was pale, all blood gone. "We found a note!"

Jay stalked over to her, ripping the note off of her hands and reading it right away. His blood ran cold and he felt the wind knocked out of him as the words on the note taunted him.

_Did you really think it would be so easy?  
But don't worry, I'll treat Erin really well.  
She won't feel a thing. _

* * *

Time had never felt so slow to Jay as he sat in the passenger seat of Voight's car, it felt as though seconds inched by. Their drive back to the district felt like it was taking forever, like a snail crawling to the finish line in a race it already lost. He couldn't get back to Erin fast enough, the threat looming over them, Stan's words stabbing Jay inside as he was rendered helpless. He hated this feeling—this helplessness. He felt like he was underwater, drowning and no matter what he did, no matter how hard he kicked his legs, he couldn't get to the surface fast enough. He couldn't breathe.

He was bouncing in his seat, urging Voight to drive faster, demanding the Sergeant to weave through the traffic recklessly, their own safety tossed out the window. There was only one goal in mind—to get to Erin. He needed to make sure she was safe, that they didn't just fell into Stan's trap and had left Erin vulnerable, ready to be taken. He slammed his hand on the dashboard, the car not moving fast enough even though he knew Voight was just as eager to get back to the district as he was and that he was driving as fast as he can. But the short drive felt so long, like it was never ending. Every second and every minute they were away was one more second Stan could've gotten to Erin.

Finally the district came into view and before the car could screeched to a stop, Jay had jumped out of the seat. Ignoring Voight's barks of waiting for backup, Jay took off, heading straight for the roll up. His chest was tight, his heart pounding, and he knew he wouldn't be able to breathe until he can confirm with his eyes that Erin was still there, waiting for him to come back. He needed her in his arms, he needed to take in her scent, the heat of her body for the weight in his chest to vanish.

He knelt down as the gate started to roll up and as soon as there was enough space for him to get through, he made his way in, gun ready. His eyes immediately searched for Erin but instead finding two bodies on the ground instead.

"Bodies!" he shouted, knowing that his team was right behind him. He ran further inside, searching every lock up, every inch of the roll up, desperate to see his girlfriend but not finding her.

"Gutierrez's gone! Maloney is out but he's still breathing." he heard Adam shouted behind him but it didn't fully register, his eyes still frantically searching for Erin.

There was chaos behind Jay but his mind was racing too fast that everything was a blur. There was only one thing that was clear in his head.

"Erin's gone!" he shouted, his voice breaking. "That son of a bitch took her! He has her!"


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

It was his worst nightmare came to life. His eyes frantically searched the small rollup over and over again, praying for different results. But whatever Einstein had said about insanity, he was right. Jay felt like he was about to go insane, his head knowing that Erin was gone but his heart wouldn't let him stop from searching the area again and again.

"She's gone!" His voice was shaking, fear and anger in a locked battle. How could they have been so stupid? So naïve? Why did they expect it to be that easy to get to Stan? He had been one step ahead of them the whole time and he was still one step ahead. Stan knew that Erin wouldn't be with them, that she would've been left behind. Jay could've punched himself in the face. He had left her behind. So what if she came with them? At least he could've had eyes on hers, had her back. Instead, they had left her vulnerable and they had served her to Stan on an easy platter.

"It's our fault!" Jay spat to Voight, anger winning out in the battle. "We left her behind! We let him get to her!"

"We didn't know this was going to happen," Voight reasoned, trying to contain his own distress. Jay shook his head, hands on his hips.

"She's not in the bullpen!" Kim informed them as she ran down the stairs. "We have patrolmen searching the district but no luck. She's gone."

"What the hell is going on?" Platt came barging in, confused look on the desk sergeant's face. "Two cops down? Lindsay's missing?"

"Where were you?" Voight questioned Platt, stepping closer to her. "You didn't hear the shots? We called the desk but no one picked up!"

"I was in lock up, escorting several people!" Platt answered, defending herself. "There was a chaotic scene earlier. A bunch of people barged in the station, screaming at each other in a drunken fight. We had to control the scene and locked a bunch of them in the drunk tank for the night."

Their attention was diverted as the ambulance rolled up, paramedics getting out to attend to the two cops that were down.

"Gutierrez is gone," Adam said, walking alongside the paramedic, tone sullen. "He was D.O.A. Maloney is breathing. I think it's just a flesh wound, through and through, and he got the wind knocked out of him." Brett nodded at Adam's information and walked over to the cop that was still alive. "I can't believe this!" Adam muttered, hands covering his face. His good friend from the Academy was gone, the other injured.

"Serg, he planned the whole thing," Jay concluded, finger pointing. "He created the diversion upstairs while he got to Erin in the roll up." He turned to Platt. "That fight, what the hell were they fighting about?"

"Umm…they were homeless, fighting over their territory on the streets. They were drunk," Platt stuttered, relaying what happened earlier. "No!" Guilt came over her face when she realized that she too had fallen for Stan's trap, that she had taken the bait and let herself get distracted by the diversion.

"He got all of us," Voight reassured Platt. "Get all the available officers out searching for Erin. Search all of the properties he and his parents owned. He has taken her somewhere and wherever he has her, Jenny is there too."

"On it!" Platt complied, turning to leave to get the search party going. She turned at the loud sound of the table being flipped over, Jay being the culprit to do so. She exchanged looks with Voight at the state of the detective, a crazed look in his eyes as more chairs hit the floor.

"Halstead!" Voight shouted, his gruff voice catching Jay's attention. "You going to keep your head about this or do I need to bench you?" That seemed to be the wrong thing to say as the thought of being benched while Erin was missing riled Jay up even more. He stalked over to Voight, getting in his boss' face.

"You are not benching me with this!" The only thing more dangerous than Jay's voice at the moment was his eyes, staring Voight down, just daring the boss to stop him. Voight stared right back, seeming as though he was unfazed.

"Then you need to keep your cool Halstead. Erin needs you to keep your head right now. Got it?" The mention of Erin's name seemed to do the trick of quelling Jay's anger and he nodded stiffly. "Good. Now let's go get Erin back."

* * *

"We have uniforms searching the properties that the Rappaports owned within 25 miles radius. Even if he snatched Lindsay right after we left, he couldn't have taken her that far. It's only 1:15 right now. We've pinged Lindsay's phone but he was smart to get rid of it or he turned it off so we can't get anything from there. So we are going to split up too, go and assist on the search while a couple of us stay and try to figure out where they are."

"Great," Olivia said, accepting Rollins' plan. "Upton, Dodds, Carisi and Fin, I want you four to assist the uniforms and the state troopers. The rest of you guys will stay until you're needed on the field further." She turned to the whiteboard as the four of them left the bullpen. "We have to narrow the locations down."

"Adam, did you hear anything from the hospital?" Kim asked when Adam came back up to the bullpen, a solemn look on his face.

"Yeah," he replied, rubbing his face. "Gutierrez was already gone. Nothing they could've done for him. He bled out from his neck. But Maloney is going to be fine. His shoulder wound was through and through and he could actually walk out of the hospital tomorrow. "Lucky bastard."

"Yeah, that is lucky," Rollins remarked, exchanging looks with Olivia. "His partner got shot in the neck, a brutal spot and he lucked out with a shoulder wound."

"Yeah, that's Maloney for you though. He's always lucking out."

Jay let the conversations around him fly past him, his mind not in the right state to pay attention. All he had on his mind was to find Erin and he knew sitting on his desk, twiddling his thumb was not going to bring her back. He needed to be out there, breaking down doors, looking everywhere he can to find her.

"Serg," he walked over to Voight. "I have to be out there. I need to be out there."

"Halstead," Voight turned, "Once we narrow down the location, then you'll get first shot. I promise but right now we need to figure out where he has her."

"Let me join on the search!" Jay demanded, starting to lose his patience. "I can't stay sitting here, wasting time when Erin's out there!"

"Jay," Olivia started, walking closer to Jay like she was approaching a wild lion, which he wasn't far off from right now. "I know you do. But we need you in here okay? You have knowledge of the case, you know Erin. You can do more from here than out there. Let the other officers handle that for now."

Jay growled, slamming his fist on the desk. "This is bullshit." Erin needed him. Who know what kind of sick twisted thing Stan was doing to her now that he has her alone? It twisted Jay's stomach and he wanted to throw up, the unknown of where Erin was and what she was going through right now was making him sick.

"Atwater, can you help me with something here?" Rollins yelled out and Kevin immediately went over to help.

"Okay so the clue in the video, he said something about where it started," Olivia spoke, waving her hand around, thinking out loud. "So it's not his childhood home. Where else could it be?"

Jay sighed, defeated. He rubbed his face, the tears that were threatening to drop since he found the rollup empty made his hands damp as he rubbed his eyes. If he wasn't allowed to be out there then he might as well make himself useful here.

He sat on the edge of his desk, arms and legs crossed and studied the whiteboard filled with information about the case. "What about his apartment? Or where Jenny lived?"

"Those are on the lists. We have uniforms over there right now," Olivia replied.

"Maggie Stone? His birth mother," Jay threw out there. "We have plainclothes officers on her but maybe that's also a place where he could've taken Erin."

"Maybe."

Irritation built stronger inside Jay. "Maybes aren't going to get us anywhere and it's not going to get Erin back safely. We need to stop exhausting this stupid list because we tried that already and they're not there. He hasn't been on any of those properties in months!"

Voight sucked in his cheeks, anger starting to cloud his face but Jay couldn't care. He knew that both Voight and Olivia were giving him a long leash right now, a leash that was about to be cut short if he didn't contain his anger. But he was frustrated, irritated, worried but most of all, he was scared out of his mind. He blamed himself for leaving her behind. She should've been next to him then she'd still be here. He failed her, he promised to protect her and always have her back but he failed and now her life was in danger and he couldn't do anything about it.

"We all want to get Erin back just as much as you do Halstead," Voight hissed, "but you throwing a hissy fit isn't going to solve anything. Unless you have a better idea on what we should do right now then by all means, share with everyone."

Jay stood up from the edge of his desk and began to pace, his arms crossed across his chest. "How about the tip line?" Jay began. He looked over to Voight and saw the look of hesitancy on the Sergeant's face. Jay knew about Voight's need for keeping things in house, keep their cases in the unit but they needed all the help and information they could get. If Voight didn't like it or he was uncomfortable by it, then screw Voight's comfort as far as Jay was concerned. "I know you wanted to keep this in-house but I think it's time we go public with this," Jay reasoned. "It's Erin. She needs us right now. She needs this!" His eyes remained on Voight, unblinking and unwavering.

Voight must have saw the desperation in Jay's eyes because he just let out a deep sigh and pressed his nose bridge with his finger, a sign of giving in from Voight. "Call Trudy up here. Tell her we need to get a press conference started as soon as she can. We're going public with this case." he ordered Kim. Jay gave his boss a nod, a thank you for listening to his idea.

"Um Adam," Rollins called out and all eyes turned to her. "So your friend Maloney, he's from a rich family?"

Adam's eyebrows creased in confusion. "No, a blue collar like mine. Why?"

"He got any large inheritance he might've mentioned?"

Jay frowned, walking over to Rollins. "What's going on?"

Amanda looked over to Adam before turning to the group. "So I thought it was strange that while his partner was shot in the neck, Maloney got away with just a shoulder wound and Kim and Erin said earlier about Stan paying cops off so I thought I'd just take a look."

Kevin licked his lips and cleared his throat and looked nervously over at Adam. "We searched through Maloney's financial record and um.."he paused. "He deposited $500k into his account in cash this morning."

Jay's nostrils flare in fury when the information made its way to him. "That son of a bitch!" he growled, grabbing his jacket. "I'm going to kill him!"

"No," Adam denied, unable to believe that his friend was dirty. "No! Gutierrez was his best friend. His partner. Maloney wouldn't do that."

"Yeah while you stay here and try to wrap your head around the fact that your friend is a rat, I'm gonna go kill him." Jay spat, running down the steps of the bullpen. Olivia and Voight exchanged worried looks.

"Don't worry!" Antonio called out as he quickly followed Jay down. "I got him!" Adam snapped out of his stance and followed down the steps, debating between stopping Jay or helping him kill Maloney.

* * *

Fury was Jay's driving force as he stormed into the hospital room, his anger pouring out when he spotted Maloney lying on the bed, sipping a juice box. Immediately Jay grabbed the guy by his hospital robe and pulled him up, not giving a damn about his injury.

"You dirty son of a bitch!" Jay shouted, eyes blazing and fury spilling out of his body. "You helped that bastard! You helped him get to Erin, didn't you?"

The other man looked petrified of Jay and that egged Jay on. He was going to get answers from him, one way or another. "Answer me you coward! You took his money and you let your partner get killed. You help that psycho kidnap Erin!"

"Man, I don't know what you're talking about!" Maloney stuttered out, voice shaking and a panicked look at the murderous glint in Jay's eyes. Jay tightened his hold on him and shook him, Maloney cried out in pain at his action. "You're hurting me!"

Jay wanted to kill the guy with his bare hands if he could. Maloney was a dirty cop, a coward and he played a part in Erin getting kidnapped. "You don't know what real pain is. Not yet," his voice was chilling and Maloney gulped. "So if you don't tell me what you know, you're going to need more medical help than that cast on your arms!" Jay threatened, squeezing Maloney's injured arms, Maloney screaming out in pain. "Tell me where she is!" Jay shouted, shaking the man.

"Jay!" He heard voices coming in behind him and arms around him as he felt himself being pulled away from Maloney. But Jay wasn't ready to let go yet, he still needed answers and the man in front of him had them. He tightened his hold on Maloney's hospital gown, fighting against the strength of other men trying to pull him off. "Jay! Come on man!"

Finally Antonio and Will had managed to pry Jay off the other guy and they pushed him out the door, Jay shouting in protest. "I'm going to kill you you asshole! You're going to wish you were dead tonight!" Jay was still struggling, still fighting to get back inside the room when with a burst of strength, Will pushed him to the wall, holding him in place.

"Calm the fuck down!" Will shouted, struggling to hold a raging Jay in place even with Antonio's help. The hospital security guard came up beside them, at the chaotic scene and Antonio waved him off, flashing his badge. The security guard looked unsure but a glare by Antonio and the angry stance of Jay got him backing away slowly.

"He helped that bastard!" Jay thundered, frustrated and angry that he was being held back from getting his hands on Maloney. "He knows where Erin is!"

"You need to calm down Halstead!" Antonio stressed, face to face with Jay. "You want to help Erin? You want to find her? Then you need to keep your wits about you man! You threatening people? You losing it? All that's going to get you is benched. Then how are you going to help Erin like that? Huh?" Antonio tried to reason with Jay.

That seemed to work a bit as Jay calmed down a little, enough to let Will loosened his hold on Jay and Jay shrugged his brother off, pushing him away. He was breathing hard, anger still coursing through him.

"What happened with Erin?" Will questioned, not knowing what was going on. All he knew was Antonio and Adam running into the hospital room, shouting something about Jay so he had followed, concerned about his brother. Then all he saw was his brother losing it on some guy that was admitted in the hospital, screaming threats in his face and he knew that he needed to stop Jay and get him back in control.

"Erin's been abducted. By Stan," Antonio explained. Will looked over to Jay who looked devastated at Antonio's words and Will understood. He got why Jay had lost it like that earlier.

"Oh man," Will muttered, placing a hand of comfort on Jay. "I'm sorry," he offered weakly, knowing it was useless. "So who's the guy in there?"

"He was an officer that was supposed to be guarding Erin tonight," Antonio replied. "We found out that he was getting paid off by Stan and helped him. Got his partner killed too." Antonio turned to Jay. "You good now?" he asked Jay. "Ruzek's in there, getting answers. You going be alright in there or do we need to keep you out here?"

Jay glared at Antonio who just looked back at Jay, waiting for his answer. Jay nodded stiffly. "Yeah, I'm good." Antonio patted Jay's back and the three of them went back inside the room. Jay spotted Adam already in the room, questioning Maloney. Jay realized he must've blacked out or something in anger because he didn't even realize when Adam came in.

"How could you do that to Gutierrez?" Jay heard Adam questioned Maloney, hurt and disbelief in his voice. "He was your partner! He was your best friend! All for money?" Maloney remained quiet, not giving a reply. "You better start answering Maloney okay? You're already going to prison for aiding and abetting a criminal, not to mention for second degree murder. Gutierrez's death, you're responsible for it too. You're a cop too. You know the rules. You cooperate and maybe you get lighter sentence or you're gonna rot in prison for the rest of your life."

Maloney looked scared, his head down. "I didn't mean for him to get hurt," he started, voice small and full of regret. "He promised that no one would get hurt. It was supposed to be easy."

"What was supposed to be easy?" Adam questioned. "What did Stan Rappaport asked you to do? What did he pay you $500k for?"

"All he wanted was for me to make sure that we'd be on duty to guard Lindsay. That's why I volunteered earlier tonight," Stan explained. "It was supposed to be in and out. I was just supposed to let him know when you guys left and where she was. He was just supposed to come in and grab her while I distract Gutierrez. I didn't know he was going to shoot him!" Tears began to make their way down his face.

Jay stepped forward, pulling on his head to direct his eyes. "What did he take Erin?"

"I don't know." He winced when Jay tugged on his head harder. "I swear! He just wanted to take her and didn't tell me anything else!"

"Was she hurt?" Jay demanded. "Did he hurt her when he took her? Was she…was she shot?" his voice trembled at the last part.

"No he didn't shoot her," Maloney answered, a slight relief made its way in Jay's chest. "But…"

"But what?"

Maloney paused, afraid of Jay's reaction. "He knocked her out. She wasn't conscious when he took her."

Jay's eyes flashed, his anger making its way back. He was going to kill Stan when he got his hands on him, he was going to kill him with his bare hands for ever laying a hand on Erin.

"Why?"

Maloney looked over at Adam at his question. "Why?" Adam repeated. "Why would you do this?"

"Come on man," Maloney started, scoffing. "You would've turned down 500k?"

Adam looked incredulous at that. "I wouldn't turn on my friends for money."

"I'm not like you then," Maloney replied. "I'm not going to make detective. I'm not going to luck into some specialized unit like you did Ruzek. Okay I was going to make cop's salary for the rest of my life and that is if I don't get shot on the job. I was never going to see half of $500,000. So yeah when it was offered to me, I took it. I didn't think it was going to get Gutierrez killed."

"So it didn't matter to you that an innocent person was going to get hurt then?" Jay sneered. "Just as long as it wasn't anyone you know."

"Well, it doesn't matter now Maloney. Karl Maloney, you're under arrest," Adam started reading him his rights. "I got to cuff you man." Maloney nodded, giving in. Adam took out his cuffs and he handcuffed Maloney to the hospital bed. "An officer will be here to keep watch and as soon as you're discharged, you'll be transported to jail."

Jay got in Maloney's face. "One last chance for you Maloney. If I find out that you know something and you kept it to yourself, then you're not going to make it to a jail cell."

"I swear! He didn't tell me anything!" Jay let his grip on the man go and stalked off the hospital room.

* * *

"Hey Jay!" He heard Will call after him but he didn't stop. "Hey!" Will finally caught up to him and spun him around. "Just wait!"

"I don't have time to wait!" Jay spat. "I need to get back and search for Erin."

"I know man, I know," Will said, offering his support. "I just wanted to make sure you're okay."

Jay scoffed at that. "No I'm not okay," Jay grunted. "Erin's missing and a psychopath has her! He's been after her all along and he finally got her. How can I be okay? It's my fault!"

"It's not your fault!"

"I was supposed to protect her," Jay said, his voice sounding so heartbroken that it made Will's own heart tugged for his brother. He knew just how important Erin was to Jay, just how much Jay loved her. Jay was always diligent about putting Erin's safety and well-being above everything else. As long as Will knew the girl, he knew how she came first for Jay, even above himself in Jay's life. So her being kidnapped and her life being in danger, he knew Jay was going through torture, blaming himself. He couldn't even imagine. If Natalie was the one who was missing then Will knew he'd be feeling the same as Jay right now. "I was supposed to have her back and I failed her."

"Hey, you couldn't have known that there was a dirty cop on the inside," Will reasoned. "Okay? This is not on you." He stepped closer to Jay and placed his hands on his shoulder. "I know you. I know you're not going to stop until you find Erin. You're going to get her back safe and sound. I know that and she knows that. And it's Erin. What do you always tell me? That she's the toughest person you know?" A wistful look came over Jay's face at that. "So you know she's going to fight and she's going to give Stan hell."

Jay nodded, letting Will's word bring him a bit of comfort. He knew Erin was tough, she was a fighter. She wasn't one to go down easy. She'd just have to hold on. Hold on until Jay can get to her and he wasn't going to give up until he found her and had her in his arms again, safe and sound.

* * *

Jay made his way up the steps to the district, taking two steps at a time. He paused at the doorway at the group of people, scrambling around inside, cameras and sound equipments filling the space. The press conference.

He paused as Platt stood on the make shift stage in front of her desk as she informed the reporters and news media about what was going on.

"As of midnight tonight, Stan Rappaport is a wanted man. He is responsible for the death of a Chicago police officer whom he shot to death as well as injuring a second officer. He is also wanted for abduction of a NYPD Special Victims Unit detective who is currently assisting the Intelligence unit with this case," Platt said into the microphone. "Now Stan Rappaport is a white male, 22 years of age. He has dark blonde hair, 5'10, slender. He should be considered armed and extremely dangerous. He blends in well with his surroundings, he comes off as unassuming but be assured that he is an incredibly resourceful and dangerous person who has no qualms about killing to get what he wants."

Jay felt Antonio and Adam arrived next to him but he was too engrossed in the press conference.

"We believe him to be still in the Chicago area. We are asking for the public for any tips or information they may have. If anyone has spotted him or has seen him, please call the Chicago police department immediately. Do not approach him. Do not take matters into your own hand. Just call the police and we will handle it."

Jay took in sharp breath when a picture of Erin came up on the screen next to her. Her lips pressed into a small smile.

"This is the detective that was abducted tonight. Her name is Erin Lindsay and she is a member of NYPD Special Victims Unit. She is white, 5'4, brunette, petite. If you have spotted her or have any information about her whereabouts, again please contact the police department." Platt concluded, leaving the floor open for any questions or comments.

Without thinking Jay took a step forward. He didn't know what he was doing. All he wanted to do was let people know what an amazing person Erin was, how brave she was and what an amazing detective she was. How he needed her in his life, how she made everyone's lives around her better and how the world was a darker place if she was no longer in it. He'd beg and plead to Stan—to everyone—let himself make a fool of himself on national T.V, if it would bring Erin back. He'd get on his knees in front of Stan himself, begging to trade places with Erin if it meant Erin was back safely. Antonio pulled him back, stopping him and Antonio and Adam pulled him away and back up to Intelligence.

* * *

Voight looked over at them, asking for answers.

"Nothing!" Antonio said, frustrated. "Maloney didn't know anything." Dejection came over both Voight and Olivia' faces.

"We have confirmation from three of the locations," Kevin interrupted. "All clear, no sign of Stan or Lindsay."

Jay sat down at his desk, dropping his face in his hands. They were getting nowhere and not any closer to finding Erin. They didn't have any leads yet.

"So tips have started pouring in," Platt said as she came up the bullpen. "We have a couple of officers taking the calls and trying to sift through credible ones."

Voight nodded. "Okay, thanks Trudy." Platt returned the nod sullenly and she made her way back down, her back hunched over.

"Serg!" Kim yelled out, hanging up the phone. "Just got a call about a fire at one of the properties on the list. Firehouse 51 attended to the call and…." Kim paused, glancing over at Jay, an undecipherable look on her face. Jay stood up and walked closer to her, the look on her face making him unsettled. He gestured for her to continue with his head, his stomach starting to knot up after seeing how difficult it was for Kim to say the next few words. "They found a body inside."

* * *

Jay was about to lose whatever little semblance of sanity he had left as he ran out the car before it could come to a complete stop. The scene at the property was chaotic as firefighters were running around, smoke coming out of the house and bystanders were standing around, watching the scene. Jay ran past all that. All he needed was to get inside and confirmed with his eyes that that body wasn't Erin. That it was someone else. But there was no way that Erin was dead. She couldn't be gone. Not when they have their whole future to look forward to.

He stomped up the steps to the house, barging his way inside but was stopped by Carisi stopping him from making his way inside. He pushed him off, fighting his way inside but he was overpowered by both Carisi and a couple of firefighters from Firehouse 51 stopping him.

"Halstead!" Carisi yelled. "You can't go inside! Okay?"

"I need to see her!" Jay screamed back, tears welling up in his eyes, not dropping just yet. "I need to see if it's Erin!"

"You can't," Carisi answered. "Okay? You wouldn't be able to tell anyway. The body's too burned to make identification." Jay wanted to scream. Scream so they'd understand that Jay would recognize Erin anywhere, that he would know if it was her that was inside that house. He knew he'd feel it if she was gone, his heart and his guts would know.

He surged forward again but held back quickly. "Come on Halstead!" Carisi held him tight and pushed him until they were out of the house, back on the street and the rest of their team joined them.

"Guys!" Severide came out of the house, a devastated look on his face. "We found something."

They all turned, waiting as Severide sighed, holding up something in his hands. As soon as the object came into view, the silver chain holding up the two stainless steel plates containing Jay's information on them, Jay's world stopped, his heart utterly breaking as the realization of what Severide finding the object inside the house meant and Jay crumbled completely.

Jay's dog tags. The same ones he had given to Erin earlier. The same ones she was holding on for him.


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

"It's not Erin. It's not her."

Jay was adamant, even if everyone else around him seemed to be thinking the worst. Voight seemed like he was trying to hold back his emotions, tears threatening to fall out of his eyes while Kim made no attempt to stop hers, openly crying softly at the thought of losing her best friend. "Stop crying Kim," Jay admonished. "There's no reason to cry because it's not Erin inside."

The look others gave him was worrying, like he was in denial.

"Halstead." Jay turned to glare at Adam, hating the tone Adam was speaking to him with. Like Jay was coming unhinged and they needed to treat him with kid's gloves. "Come on, we should go back to the station."

"What you _should_ do is take your damn hands off of me," Jay sneered, brushing off the comforting hand that Adam had on his shoulder roughly. "Don't fucking touch me. I'm not going anywhere until I can go inside and prove to you guys that it's not Erin." To his credit, Adam didn't look a bit angry at the harsh way Jay was treating him, the younger man understanding that Jay was dealing with a lot at the moment and needed to let some of his stress out. He was unable to do much else for Jay so he didn't mind being Jay's punching bag for the moment.

Jay gripped the dog tags tighter in his fists, the object weighting heavier than ever before. His mind was racing a million miles a minute, running through all the possible scenario of how his tags could've ended up here, ones that didn't involve Erin being burned to death. No, that wasn't possible. They had their whole lives out in front of them, their future. He kept running those words through his head, trying his best to drown out the more rational but harrowing thoughts of Erin being gone so he wouldn't break down, not right here. Not right now. Erin needed him still. She was still waiting somewhere out there for him, waiting for him to find her and rescue her. To be by her side, her back up, while she got justice for the victims and herself against Stan. So no, it couldn't be Erin inside the house.

He heard whispers going behind his back, his team talking in hush tones with each other while they waited for the firemen to bring the body out to bring to the coroner. Voight and Olivia remained quiet, just silently waiting for the body to come out. Severide and Casey had warned them that the body was burned beyond recognition and that it might not be the best idea for them to see it. But screw that as far as Jay was concerned, he needed to see it. He needed to see the body with his own eyes so he'd know that it wasn't Erin.

Finally after waiting what felt like forever, they brought the body out on a stretcher, a white sheet covering it. Jay sucked in a breath, heart beating hard against his chest as he walked over to the body. The first thing he immediately noticed got him coming to an abrupt halt.

"Halstead?" Olivia questioned, wondering why he wasn't walking closer. "It's okay. We need to see the body," Olivia said, coming to the conclusion that Jay wasn't walking any closer because he didn't want to see the body.

"No, it's…." he paused, blinking his eyes several times to make sure what he was seeing was right. He felt tears began to well in his eyes at what he saw. "It's…..those are Erin's boots." He could barely breathe when he stepped closer to examine the boots that were sticking out from underneath the white sheets. He knew those boots. Those were the same ones Erin was wearing when they went to pick their Christmas tree, all happy and clueless about what was to come. Those were the same ones she got wet so he had carried her to the car, her body all close to him and keeping him warm. Those were the same ones she had thrown haphazardly in front the fire to dry as they made love on the living room floor, in front of their Christmas tree. Now those were the ones, charred and burned, but remaining recognizable enough to taunt him that the body was Erin.

"I'm sorry," Severide offered weakly, his own face red and teary. Jay shook the useless apology off, he didn't need platitudes right now. He couldn't handle them right now. What he needed were answers. He needed to go back out and find Erin.

"I need a confirmed ID on the body ASAP!" Voight demanded. If Jay was in a better state, he would've credited Voight for being able to remain so detached, even though Erin was his daughter in every way that mattered. Perhaps having been through several tragedies in his life and losing the most important people to him had conditioned his Sergeant. Severide and Casey nodded, knowing the importance of the case.

"We'll take care of it Voight," Severide said. "Just get the guy. For Erin."

Jay hated the way they were talking, like it was 100% confirmed that the body was Erin and that she was gone. As far as he was concerned, she was still out there somewhere, waiting for him. She wasn't dead.

"It's not Erin," he repeated again, glaring at the people around him, daring them to say otherwise. "So stop acting as though you guys know for damn sure it's her!"

Severide, Casey and Voight exchanged looks with each other and it was Jay's breaking point. If one more person looked at him or treated him as though he was crazy, he was going to lose it on them. "It's not her!" he gritted out, staring them down so they'd listen and understand his words. Voight motioned for Severide and Casey to take the body away. "Erin is still alive!" Jay said to Voight, "We have to continue looking for her. She's still out there and she's waiting for us!"

Voight just nodded stiffly. "Let's go find her then."

* * *

"The coroner's rushing to get us an ID. They're going to process the body and hope that they can get a useable print to match. Otherwise it might take longer until we can get a positive I.D," Kim informed the group as everyone gathered back in the bullpen.

Voight nodded, rubbing his nose bridge. He was about to speak when Jay interrupted his superior. "It doesn't matter because we're not going to stop looking for Erin. That body doesn't change anything. We're not going to stop until we get Erin back safe." He stared down his team, hands cocked on his hips. Everyone smartly remained quiet, just nodding in response. "Good. Let's get back to finding her."

If Voight was angry that Jay had interrupted him or seemed to be speaking as though he was in charge, he didn't show it, just giving him a nod as a show of support. They all had the same goal: find Erin.

"Alright, how about the tip line? Any credible tips coming in?"

Platt stepped up. "We've managed to sift through many of them and think we've found several credible ones that should be checked out." The Sergeant's demeanor was muted and sullen, still feeling guilty for falling for Stan's diversion and letting Erin down.

"Alright," Voight said, taking the papers from Platt and looking them over. "Let's split up. Al, why don't you take a couple of guys with you and check these locations out?" Al gestured for Adam and Kevin to follow and they left the bullpen. "Halstead? You good enough to join us?"

Jay took a deep breath and steadied himself. He needed to calm down so he can join in on the search for Erin. "Yeah, I got this." Voight studied him for a minute before accepting his answer. "I'm good." Jay repeated for emphasis. "I'm going to find Erin. I'll get her back."

Voight just nodded in reply, a silent understanding between both men. They needed the most important person in their lives back and they were not going to stop until she was back.

* * *

As the sun rose higher and higher in the sky, the team's hope began to fall further and further down. They had been at it all night and now it was morning, the sunlight reminding them that it had been over 8 hours since Erin had been missing and they were no closer to finding her. But Jay wasn't giving up and he wouldn't let anyone else give up either. Erin was still out there, alive and they needed to find her.

"Any more tips?" The exhaustion was clear in Fin's voice as everyone gathered back in the bullpen, the long list of tips already searched and cleared with no sign of Erin and Jenny.

"Yeah, they've been coming in steadily," Kim replied since she stayed behind to man the tip line along with Olivia, not trusting any other officers to do so after what happened with Maloney earlier. All the searches involved was being overseen by at least one Intelligence or SVU members. They weren't going to take any chances with this, no more allowing Stan to stay one step ahead of them. "All the news stations have been running the press conference all day, they're staying on top of this and making sure that the public knows what's going on."

"Okay, how about any useful tips then? Any places we can check out?" Jay questioned. Kim gave him a worried look, taking in his red eyes. He knew he looked like shit right now, hair all messed up tugging at it all night long, eyes wide and red from both the cold and all the unshed tears and lips red and swollen from biting at them in frustration. He looked like he aged 20 years in 8 hours and he felt like it too. But he needed Kim to focus on the task and not waste her time and energy worrying about him. He wasn't the priority right now, Erin was. "Kim!" She snapped out of her inspection at Jay's bark and a small flash of guilt went through Jay. He was losing his cool and taking his frustrations out on people that didn't deserve them. He'd apologize later but right now he was solely focused on breaking down more doors and following any leads they got.

"Right, sorry," Kim offered, grimacing. "A few tips that can maybe pan out but," she sighed. "The problem is that Stan's description is so common that half of the people calling in are confusing him with any random white guy in their neighborhood."

Jay let out a grunt of frustration. "Okay then we follow any and every lead we can. I don't care how long it takes, how many tips we get, I'm not stopping."

* * *

There were three things Erin first noticed when she first stirred, all of them overwhelming her to finally regain consciousness. First was the blinding sunlight streaming in through the window of the room. The bright light was too much for her eyes after having been out cold for so long. She couldn't see anything at first, just the glare of the light too much for her.

The second was the overwhelming stench in the room. The smell was so nauseating and vile that she gagged several times. She didn't know what the stench was or where it was coming from but just the overpowering smell was enough to rouse her awake.

And the third was the freezing state of the room.

"Oh thank god you're awake!" Erin blinked several times, trying to regain her sight and find out where the voice came from. Her eyes finally adjusted in the bright room and she looked around the room, trying to figure out where Stan had taken her.

"Jenny!"A sense of relief came over Erin when she saw that the girl was still alive. But then Erin finally took in the state of Jenny, still bound to a chair, tear tracks running down her face, hair messed up. She looked like she'd been through the ringer. "Are you okay?" Erin questioned, her voice still hoarse from not being used for a while.

"Yeah yeah, I'm fine," Jenny replied. "Are you? I was worried because you've been out since he dragged you in a long time ago." Erin winced at her head throbbing but still managed to give a small nod to Jenny as not to worry the girl any further. She touched the back of her head, the area sensitive after being hit. She grimaced when she felt the dried up blood caked on there. The last thing she remembered was watching Jay's back as her team went to rescue Jenny at Stan's childhood home. Then just as she was about to go back up to the station and the bullpen, she heard Maloney, Adam's friend, called her name before being hit in the back of her head. She vaguely remembered lying on the floor of the rollup, unable to get up, and hearing confused voice of Gutierrez then the distinctive sound of a gun silencer. She couldn't even distinguish whose body it was that dropped near her after the gun went off, couldn't held her head back up to see what was going on, the pain from the blow too much to handle. Then all she saw through the blur was the menacing smile on Stan's face as he stood over her, Erin unable to defend herself, as she felt something being injected in her body then she was out cold.

"How long ago was that?" Erin asked, trying to comprehend everything that was happening but still having a difficult time fighting through the fog. She recalled her team leaving some time before midnight and whatever took place happened quickly after they left. Now the sun was out which didn't happen until around 7:00 due to it being winter.

"I don't know," Jenny replied, "Maybe 8, 9 hours?"

Erin gasped with panic when she finally realized the state of undressed she was in, her bra and her underwear the only form of clothing that remained on her body. No wonder she was freezing as soon as she woke up, she was practically naked, unprotected against the harsh condition of the weather. She patted herself down, squeezing her eyes tightly, just trying her best to recall what had happened, if her worst nightmare had taken place.

Jenny must've realized what was running through Erin's mind because she filled in the gap without being asked. "He didn't do what you're thinking of." Erin's head snapped up at Jenny's words, waiting for the girl to elaborate. "I saw you were fully clothed when he first brought you in. Then he just took off your clothes and left. Nothing else happened." A huge amount of relief coursed through Erin's body, grateful that nothing else had happened. She didn't need anything more to make her throw up, the stench that permeated the room was enough. She tried to stop from gagging but couldn't.

"What is that smell?" she rasped out, trying to hold her stomach in. She didn't have any food in her stomach to actually throw up but the vileness of the smell was too much.

"I don't know," Jenny shrugged. "It smelled like this ever since I got here. Just breathe through your nose. The smell dies down after a while, or maybe my sense of smell is completely destroyed by now."

Erin exerted energy so she could sit up, tucking her legs in to her body in a weak attempt to get a little bit of warmth. "How long have you been here? How did Stan get to you?"

"I don't know," Jenny replied, voice weak and defeated. "I just remembered answering the door to my apartment because I saw an officer on the other side of the door. I thought that he was there for my protection like you said so I didn't think much of it. I opened the door and let him in and I turned my back for a second then he hit me on the head. The next thing I know I woke up here and Stan is next to me, watching me while I was out cold."

"I'm so sorry Jenny," Erin said. "It's my fault! I will get you out, I promise." Jenny just looked at Erin, not saying anything. Erin didn't blame the girl. She wouldn't believe herself if she was in Jenny's place. After all, Erin had promised to protect her but instead Erin had gotten Jenny into this mess. Erin scanned the familiar looking room, looking for a way out. She stood up gingerly, her legs weak from whatever drug Stan had injected her with. She stumbled her way over to Jenny and knelt down, looking for a way to free Jenny from the restraints Stan had her in. She realized why Stan didn't feel the need to have Erin in restraints when she unsuccessfully tried to undo the knot binding Jenny's legs and hands to the chair. It was useless, the rope was tied too taut for Erin to undo with just her bare hands. She quickly scanned the room again, hoping for something—anything—that could be useful but finding nothing. Stan had left them completely defenseless, the room was completely empty except for her, Jenny and the chair. She had nothing on her body to utilize, no object she can "Macgyver" to get them out. She walked over to the door and was unsurprised to find it locked. She made her way over to the large windows next and looked out, thinking maybe they could escape that way. But the windows too were completely locked and even if they were open, the fall would be too far to make their escape. Stan wasn't stupid, they were truly trapped and had no way out.

"It's no use is it?" Erin looked at Jenny, not answering the younger woman's question but it seemed as though the answer was already written on Erin's face. They'd have to wait until Stan came back and just hope and pray that they'll find a way to escape. "We're going to die here. We're dead!" Jenny cried.

Erin shook her head. "No we're not," Erin tried to comfort her. "Hey! Look at me!" Erin shouted, snapping Jenny's attention to her. "We're not going to die here! Okay? We are going to get out of here. My team is going to find us and they'll get us home. And I'm not giving up. I will get you out safe and sound! That's a promise okay?"

Jenny continued to cry and Erin just let her, knowing that the other woman was just scared out of her mind and no words of comfort would be enough right now. Erin sat her shivering body back down on the cold floor, her mind going to Jay. She knew he must be freaking out right now at her missing. She hated the thought of putting him through that again, his biggest fear coming true. She knew that he wouldn't stop until he found her though, her whole team won't. She trusted her team and knew they would be doing their best right now. Jay would be scorching the earth to get to her, she'd just have to hold on until he found her. In the meantime, she wasn't planning on going down easily. Whatever Stan had planned for her, if he wanted to kill her, then she'd give him hell before he could get what he wanted.

* * *

"Hey, you guys are finally back!" Kim said immediately when the team walked back into the bullpen. "I was just about to call you guys."

Jay quickly strode over to where Kim was. "You got something?" He couldn't stop hope from making it into his voice. After all night and now morning of following one tip after another and not having any of them panned out, he was desperate for some good news.

"Oh yeah," Kim replied. "So a tip came in earlier from a liquor store owner over on Cermak. He just caught the footage on the news about Stan and Erin missing and guess what?" She caught the look of annoyance on Jay's face, just urging her to cut the dramatics and hurry up with the actual news. "So he saw Stan around 2 a.m hooking a girl matching Erin's description."

"I knew it," Jay said, knowing his gut was right. "The body's not Erin."

"He's sending over the security footage he got from his store camera and it's going to come in any minute now."

"Got it!" Kevin shouted, getting everyone attention. Jay rushed over to Kevin's desk and pointed to the computer.

"Let's see it!" Jay demanded, crouching closer in front of the monitor so he can closely inspect the security footage coming in. Jay watched as the camera captured Stan getting out of his car on the curb in front of a woman, matching Erin's description—white, petite, brunette.

"Look, those are Erin's boots!" Jay exclaimed, pointing to the screen where Stan was giving the homeless woman a pile of clothes—Erin's clothes—with her boots on top. "He wanted us to think that the body was Erin, even made sure the victim was wearing Erin's clothes." Jay tried to not let his mind go there, the implications of where Erin's clothes were and what it meant for Erin. He'd lose it otherwise. He made eye contact with Olivia who seemed to be on the same wavelength as him. He couldn't blame her, after all Olivia dealt with rape cases every day. He tried to take a deep breath, finding it difficult to do so, and he started panting, getting attention of his team.

"Halstead?" The concern was palpable in Antonio's voice. Jay shook him off, focusing back on the footage. He needed to see it, he needed to see if there was any clue—just any hint—as to Erin's whereabouts were. His eyes remained on the screen as the woman got into Stan's car and left with him, completely unaware of her fate.

"So he wanted us to think that the body was Erin," Antonio concluded. Not that it was a new development since the team was pretty much operating under that thinking anyways, not believing that Erin was actually gone. But still, they couldn't lie about the slight relief that they all felt when they found evidence that actually corroborate their belief. "He made sure that the woman was wearing Erin's clothes." Everyone exchanged looks at that, the unspoken implication hung in the air. Jay clenched his fists, unable to stop his mind from going to the worst place. He swore that if Stan laid one finger on Erin, Jay would kill him with his bare hands and he would enjoy it.

"Guys, the lab just sent over the results," Kim announced, looking at her phone. "They found a partial print that was usable on the body and it's not Erin." Even though Jay knew in his guts that the body wasn't Erin, he couldn't deny the small weight that lifted off his chest when there was actual confirmation that it wasn't Erin. "The print matched to a Madison Reese. She was a working girl that was living on the street and had been arrested a couple of times for solicitation so her prints were in the database."

"He went through all the trouble to make sure we think that Erin was in that house. Jay's dog tags, Erin's clothes, he even made sure that girl matched Erin's description. Why?"

"Because he wanted us to throw us off the path," Jay answered Rollin's question. "He wanted us to think she was dead so we'd stop looking for her."

"Why?" Kim asked.

Jay's eyes flashed with realization. "Because he still has her in the area."

* * *

Erin groaned softly as she begun to wake, her body laid face down on the cold ground. She had no idea what kind of drug Stan injected into her body with but all she knew was that she was having a hard time staying awake for long periods of time. She had no idea when she even dozed off or how long it had been but the return of the stench from earlier had woken her up. The smell was somehow even worse now and she wanted to throw up. She blinked several times, groaning at the fog she was in and turned her head to the side, gasping loudly at what she saw staring back at her.

Suddenly she understood where the stench was coming from.

Staring back at her was the decomposing corpse of Yates, wrapped in a plastic bag but the effects of being buried 6 feet under for over 3 years still visible. Erin screamed—both in shock and fear—quickly sitting up and she began backing away from it, scooting back from the dead body as fast as she can. She didn't get far before she hit something on her other side and she turned around, only to come face to face with two more dead bodies, only these two bodies were much fresher. Tim and Martha Rappaport. Stan's adoptive parents.

Erin covered her nose and mouth with her hand, the close proximity to the odor of the rotting bodies too much for her to handle, especially since she was already nauseated from her head wound. She couldn't believe her eyes. Stan had killed his parents. All this time, they had thought that his parents were on vacation like their employees thought but they were murdered—by their adoptive son. Stan had truly gone off the deep end. He was also the one that dug Yates' body up from his grave. No wonder they didn't find it when they exhumed Yates' grave, Stan had his body with him all along. A sick keepsake of his father.

Erin snapped her head over to Jenny, concerned that the girl was being so quiet. Erin had certainly freaked out when she saw the bodies, her heart was still beating loudly. But Jenny was in a total catatonic state, mouth and eyes wide open, gasping to herself. She seemed like she was in total shock. Erin crawled her way over to her, patting her all over. "Jenny?" Erin tried getting her attention, calling her name several times but nothing was working. Jenny was going through a panic attack. Not that Erin could blame her, the shock of seeing three dead bodies too big for someone like Jenny to handle. Even Erin was having a hard time herself and dead bodies were regular occurrences in her job. But digging and stealing a dead body from the grave to keep for themselves and murdering his own parents and keeping the rotting bodies were definitely new for Erin.

"Jenny!" She tried again, still not getting a reply. She resorted to one final measure and slapped Jenny's face, hoping that it would snap the girl's attention back to her. "Jenny?"

It seemed to work a bit as Jenny began to stammer out incoherent words. "He….his parents….bodies.."

"I know, I know," Erin got on her knees and held Jenny's shoulders, trying her best to comfort and calm her down. "It's okay. They're just bodies. It's fine."

Jenny let out a huge sob, her body trembling all over. Erin shushed her, both trying to calm her down and keeping her quiet, not wanting to get Stan's attention. "Jenny, calm down okay? It's gonna be okay." Nothing seemed to be working and Erin was getting frustrated herself. "Shh," she tried again. "You don't want Stan to come in here do you?"

"A bit late for that," Erin's head snapped to the door, Stan standing underneath the doorway. "Hello Erin." Immediately Erin's protective mode kicked in and she stood up as best she could and stood in front of Jenny, protecting the younger woman.

"What the hell do you want?" Erin bit out, doing her best to steel her voice. She would never let Stan know that she was scared out of her mind right now. She wouldn't let him know that he could get to her.

He just chuckled and Erin hated that sound. "I already got everything I want right here." He gestured to the room. "My dear adoptive parents, my real dad, the love of my life," he leaned to the side to look at Jenny behind Erin's back, smiling at her. "And now I also have you."

Erin studied Stan cautiously as he walked closer to her. She stood in place, not backing down. She wasn't going to let him intimidate her. "What do you want with me? Why me?" She needed to know why Stan was after her, if it was really simple as her being the one that shot and killed Yates? Or if there was a more sinister and twisted reason—a logic that only Stan understood—behind all of this. Stan reached out and caressed Erin's hair, Erin doing her best not to flinch at the contact, and he smiled at her, tucking her hair behind her ear.

"You're special Erin. That's why."

Erin took in his cryptic words. "What do you mean?" She held her breath as his hand made its way down her jaw, cupping her face and lifted it up slightly. She glared at him, anger and fear surging at the look on his face. She felt so creeped out being this close to him. He leaned his face in so it was inches away from her, Erin doing her best not to recoil in disgust.

"It's so sad," Stan began, puffs of his breath coming out on Erin's face from being so close to him. "That you don't know how special you are. Doesn't your boyfriend make you feel that way?" Erin gritted her teeth, the last thing she wanted to talk to Stan about was Jay. He was the best part of her life, she didn't want Stan tainting it with his twisted words. "Doesn't he tell you how much he loves you? How special you are to him? How much he loves you?" Erin remained silent, not answering his questions. Stan gripped her jaw tighter. "Answer me!" he demanded but Erin just glared back, remaining quiet. A flash of pure anger made its way onto his face, a sneer coming over it before he spat out, "it doesn't matter anyway because sooner or later, you would've betrayed him. Like the bitch behind you." He directed his gaze to a trembling Jenny behind Erin. "I did all those things for her. Treated her like a queen, provided her with everything she wanted and what did she do? Betrayed me anyways. Cheated on me like a whore!"

Jenny shook her head, tears streaming down her face. "No Stan."

"She didn't cheat on you," Erin replied, directing Stan's attention back to her. "She didn't betray you."

He tightened his hold on Erin's face and dragged it closer until his lips were practically on hers. "She did!" he screamed in Erin's face. "She betrayed me by cheating on me with some loser from her restaurant!" Suddenly he let go of Erin's face, pushing to her to side as he bent down and got in Jenny's face. "You cheated on me you fucking slut! I loved you!"

"Hey!" Erin shouted, grabbing Stan's shoulder and getting him away from Jenny. "Get away from her!" She pushed him as best she can and stood in between them again. "Don't you dare touch her!" she pointed her finger at Stan, warning him to stay away from the scared girl in the chair.

"Stan, I didn't cheat on you," Jenny sobbed, begging Stan to believe her. "I loved you."

"Lies! Lies! They're all lies!" Stan screamed, tugging on his hairs. "Everyone lies!" His shouts drowned out the tearful protests from Jenny of how she wasn't lying to him and her begging him to believe her. "Everyone always lies!"

"She's not lying," Erin tried to reason with Stan, despite how useless it might've seen. "She loved you. She didn't cheat on you. Okay? She told me that the first time I met her. That guy from the restaurant? He was nobody."

Stan scoffed. "Why should I believe you? You're a woman, you lie as easily as you breathe."

"I'm not lying!"

"I don't believe you," Stan replied. "You're lying just like she is, just like my so called mother did and just like my real mother did to my dad!"

Erin shook her head vehemently, knowing Stan needed to know the truth about Yates and how he was manipulating Stan. "No, your real birth mother didn't lie to Yates. He is the one who lied to you. He was manipulating you." That seemed to have gotten Stan's attention so Erin continued on. "He lied to you when he said that your birth mother lied to him and that she didn't love you. They weren't together. Okay? He raped her and got her pregnant. He didn't even know that you existed until about three years ago."

"Shut up!" Stan barked. "Stop your lies!"

"They're not lies," Erin urged on, pushing the boundaries. "Your mom wanted to protect you from him. Yates was sick and he was evil. She loves you enough to give you up to people who can protect you better. It broke her heart but she did it because she loves you!"

Stan growled and grabbed Erin's throat and with strength that she didn't know he had, he dragged and slammed her to the wall, his hand remained tight on her throat. "My real father was the only one who told me the truth! My parents," he said mockingly, "was lying to me my entire life. And when they didn't want me anymore, they left me in that hellhole alone."

"You needed help!" Erin gasped out. "You are sick Stan and they were getting you the help you needed!"

Stan lifted Erin by her throat and slammed her back to the wall, Erin wincing at the harsh contact the back of her head made against the wall. "I'm not sick!" Stan roared in Erin's face. "They just wanted to get rid of me! They made up lies so they can lock me up! Just like everyone else did to my father."

"Stan," Erin tried again, her throat closing up by his tight grip. "Your mother loves you, your adoptive parents loved you, Jenny loves you! The only person that didn't was Yates. Okay? He was lying to you the entire time. He was manipulating you for his own selfish needs. He wanted you to follow in his footsteps, he wanted you to hate your real mother. He wanted you to become like him, kill people for his own sick pleasure!"

Her words angered Stan beyond control and he began to choke Erin again. She tried to fight him off, hitting him everywhere she could with her hands and trying to pry him off of her but she was too weak. She heard Jenny calling her name in the background, worried for her life but there was nothing Erin could do. With a burst of strength, she brought her leg up and kneed him in his groin, causing him to groan in pain. That gave Erin enough room to push him away and she made her escape, running away from him. She tried to head to the door so she could get help and backup for Jenny.

She felt the pain first before she heard the loud bang of the gun. She collapsed onto the ground and she quickly registered the blood beginning to pour out of her thigh, the bullet from Stan's gun being the culprit. She looked over to him and he was holding the gun out, pointing it at her. She felt immense amount of pain at the wound, trying her best not to cry out at how much pain she was in. She began breathing hard, trying to control herself but having a difficult time doing so. She heard Jenny's worried cries but she didn't fully register it, the fact that she was shot and that Stan was armed were the only things on her mind.

"You're not going anywhere!" Stan sneered, still pointing the gun at her. "Not by yourself anyways. Not until we're all ready." Erin looked up at him confused and saw him reaching for something in his pocket, pulling out a lighter.

"What are you doing?" she managed to stammer out through the pain.

A menacing grin came over Stan's face, still holding up the lighter. "Like I said, you're not going anywhere. Not yet. You smell that?" He sniffed around, the grin still on his face. Erin looked at him, confused and she tried to do the same, wondering what smell he was talking about. The smell of the dead bodies were overpowering every other odor. But Erin heard a faint hissing sound coming from outside the door and her eyes widened with fear and realization at Stan's plan. "Yeah that's the gas leaking into this house. You move again and I'll light this up and," Stan threatened, mimicking the sound of house exploding, "Boom!"

* * *

Jay paced around the room, hands on his hips, as the ideas whirled past in the bullpen. With the confirmation that the body inside wasn't Erin, it seemed to reenergized the team and motivated them even more to find Erin faster.

"Okay so he wanted us to think that Erin was already dead," Olivia spoke to the group.

"So we'd stop looking for her," Fin finished. "And he can have all the time he wants with her. They got to still be in the area."

"Okay let's look through the list and the tips that came in and narrow down any locations that are close by. Even if we've checked them already, we'll re-check them." Olivia ordered.

"Hold on," Jay held up his hand. "We can't just recheck the same area over and over again. It's wasting our time," he argued. "There has be a special location near here that he has taken her to."

"Yeah," Dodds replied. "How are we going to figure out where's the location?"

Jay rubbed his forehead, deep in thought. He felt like the answer was right in front of him and that he was failing Erin by not seeing it. He couldn't fail her. "Okay, so we know Yates did everything for a reason. Most of his victims were random but when he had his target set on Erin and Nellie, he planned his attack meticulously."

"Yeah," Olivia agreed. "He was planning his revenge on his family for a long time in prison. He was the one who also reached out to Stan first."

"So we know that Stan was following in Yates' footsteps, targeting the same type of women, the same M.O." Jay continued.

"And Erin," Hailey joined in. "His victims were all random both in New York and Chicago except for Erin. She was the only one he was targeting specifically. Well except for Jenny now."

Something in his head clicked for Jay. "New York, New York," he muttered to himself, earning curious looks from other people.

"Halstead?" Voight barked, catching Jay's attention. "Something to share with the group?"

"Yeah," Jay nodded stiffly. "Why New York? Why would he killed those two victims in New York? He had no ties there. He grew up in Chicago. Every family ties he had was in Chicago."

Kim snapped her finger. "Because Erin was in New York at the time."

Jay nodded, eyes unblinking. "Exactly. That's why you guys came to Chicago," he said, pointing to SVU. "Because the cases were connected. If there was no victims in New York then Voight wouldn't have called you guys in."

"So he wanted to lure Erin to Chicago," Adam theorized. "So he can kill her? Why couldn't he just do that in New York?"

"Because he needed to finish it where it started," Jay finished, finally seeing the answer. "That's what he said in the video, that he needed to finish where it all started. There has to be a specific location then."

"Where? We know it's not his childhood home. Where else could it all have started for Stan?" Voight questioned, pointing his finger. Jay stopped his pacing and walked closer to the whiteboard, studying the timeline.

"It's not where it all started for _him_," Jay ventured, turning to the group. "It's where it all started for Yates. Think about this. With Erin, it was all about getting revenge for her killing Yates. It has all been about Yates when it comes to Erin's involvement." Jay snapped his finger. "Yates' childhood home, the house where Erin shot him. That has to be it!"

"Except like I said, that house has been bought by some realty group to be remodeled and flipped." Kevin spoke up. "It's no longer abandoned like before. It's private property now. I don't' think that Evermark Property would be kind enough to leave the property open for a serial killer to get his revenge."

Jay's eyebrows furrowed and he snapped his head to Kevin's direction. "What did you say?"

Kevin licked his lips. "Um, I said I don't think Evermark Property would be…"

"Evermark Property," Jay cut Kevin off, running over to his desk and searching through the files that were on it. "Evermark. That name," he muttered to himself, leafing through the papers, searching for something. The team exchanged curious looks with each other at Jay's behavior and they all walked closer, gathering around Jay's desk.

"Halstead?" Voight called out, expecting Jay to explain what he was doing.

"Evermark!" Jay exclaimed, fingers snapping on the paper. "I knew that name sounds familiar. Get this. You know how the Rappaports owned car dealerships and several companies in the area?" They all nodded, waiting for further explanation. "And guess what? Evermark is the name of a shell company they owned. That realty group that bought Yates' house? It's not a legit realty group. Stan bought that house using his parents' dirty money. That's where he has Erin."

"Alright," excitement and hope seeped in Voight's voice. "Vest up!" he ordered and everyone began to make their way down to the rollup, finally getting somewhere. Jay was stopped in his track by Voight's hand on his shoulder, the younger detective looking back at Voight. "Good job!" Voight said, catching Jay off guard.

He just nodded in reply, the words of how he'd do anything for Erin remained unspoken in the air but both men seemed to understand each other. "Let's go!" Voight said, patting Jay's shoulder. It was time to get their girl back.

* * *

"Stan," Erin started cautiously, slowly getting up on her leg despite the gunshot wound on her thigh. "You don't want to do that."

"Of course I do."

"If you light that lighter, everyone here will die, you get that? Including you."

Stan just laughed. "Duh, that's the point Erin." He shook his head, still laughing. "That's why I've brought all of you here. All the important people in my life. My parents who abandoned me, my father, the love of my life and you. Why continue living in this world filled with lies and empty promises when we can be together forever in a better place?" He pointed to the dead bodies of Yates and his parents. "Look, they're already waiting for us." He walked over to them and crouched them to caress the corpses. Erin tried to hold in her disgust at the action.

"Stan," Erin tried again. "You don't want to do that. You have a whole life to live here, in this world. Okay? Your dad wouldn't want you to do that."

"Don't act like you knew him Detective," Stan sneered. "The only person that understood him was me and the only person that truly understood me was him. We were one and the same and you took him away from me."

"And you want to get your revenge on me, I get that."

Stan chuckled loudly. "Oh no," he said, shaking his head. "You got me all wrong. I don't want revenge on you. I want you to join us. You were very special to my dad you know? That's why he was so focused on you. That's why I'm bringing you with us." Erin knew it was hopeless trying to reason with Stan at this point. He was completely gone, sanity was no longer with Stan. She glanced over at Jenny who was understandingly in fear for her life, begging with her eyes to Erin to stop Stan.

Erin turned back to Stan, trying to think of her options. She needed to stop him from lighting that lighter. The second he did, the whole house would explode and all of them would burn right along with the house. She couldn't let that happen. Not to Jenny. Not to herself. Not to Jay. She needed to give herself a chance, do anything she could so she could survive this. The house exploding would give her zero chance of survival. There had to be another option. She needed to fight. She made a promise to Jay that she would do anything to stay with him. They had their whole future to look forward to.

"Any last words before we see each other on the other side?"

Erin sucked in a breath, preparing for her next move. She glanced over at Jenny, giving her a reassuring look with her eyes before she turned back to Stan who had his hand on the button of the lighter, ready to blow the house up along with everyone else in it. With one final burst of strength she had, ignoring the searing pain from her thigh, she made her move, running as fast as she can to catch Stan off guard. She threw her body at Stan, surging forward and the momentum threw them through the window, glass shattering around them from the collision and they were in a free fall to the ground, unable to control their bodies.

The last thing that flashed through Erin's mind was Jay's smiling face staring up at her before her body hit the ground, head hitting the ground in a painful thud and indescribable pain coursing through all over her body. One last hope and prayer to survive this and see Jay's real smiling face was that last thing that ran through Erin's mind before her world went dark and she was completely pulled under.


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22

Jay Halstead had seen a lot of gruesome things in his life. He was an Army Ranger for god's sakes, he had been in the thick of a war zone, barely making it back out. He had seen men being tortured for information, convoys with men in them exploded, limbs being blown off, and friends never getting the chance to come home. Then after two tours in Afghanistan, he was in a different war zone when he joined the Chicago Police Department. He had patrolled the mean streets of Chicago and saw his share of people being shot and killed over drugs and meaningless gang wars. But he could honestly say that nothing twisted his stomach and wanted to make him throw up more than seeing the love of his life come falling through the windows of the second story of the house and landing on the ground with a loud thud. She didn't stir, she didn't move, she was left completely defenseless on the ground as Stan got enough bearing to sit himself up and pointed his gun at Erin, aimed to take her out.

Jay saw red.

Everything happened in a quick blur. It was almost automatic as he ran as fast as he could toward them, gun aimed and finger on the trigger and it didn't fully register for Jay until he reached them and saw Stan with a hole right between his head and several rounds in his chest. Stan laid on the ground, eyes opened but lifeless, courtesy of Jay's bullets. Jay quickly kicked Stan's gun away, just wanting to get to Erin as fast as he could.

The sight was traumatizing, Jay shaking as he knelt down beside her still body. There were cuts all over her almost naked body from broken glass shards, her thigh was bleeding but everything else was almost minor compared to the fact that she was unconscious, head bleeding.

"Erin?! Erin!" The panic was clear in his voice as he gently shook her, desperate to see her hazel eyes. She could have glared at him all she wanted, she could've scolded him for not getting to her fast enough, she could've hit and slapped him until he was bruised all over, he'd take it all happily, just as long as it meant that she was conscious and being the same fiery spitball that he loved. He brought his shaking fingers to her pulse point, both needing and afraid to know the answer of whether she was still alive. Her pulse was low but it was there, a sign that she was still with him. That was all that mattered at the moment. She was still alive. Erin was still here.

He took off his jacket and covered her battered body with it, trying to keep her warm as she laid motionless on the snow covered ground. He saw the pristine white snow stained with red from her blood and the sight made him sick. He pressed his hand on her thigh, putting pressure on the wound to stop the bleeding, doing anything he could to lessen her injury, give her the best fighting chance he could.

"Just hold on for me okay Erin? You're gonna be fine! You just got to hold on," he begged, nose running and eyes watering while his hands remained pressed on her wound. He was sputtering like a fool, just hoping to get through to Erin, just pleading with her to stay with him, not to leave him in this world. "You got to stay with me okay baby? Just stay with me."

He didn't even realized when Voight and Olivia arrived next to him until he vaguely heard Voight's voice, telling him that the medics were on their way. His focus remained completely on Erin, trying to stop the bleeding from her wound, all while praying to whatever God was out there to save Erin. His fingers were shaking and he was trembling all over all at the sight of his girl lying on the ground, the fact that he was in just a thin t-shirt out in the cold not even registering for him. All that mattered was Erin. He didn't dare move her, it was difficult to hold back and not clutch her to his chest, keeping her close and warm and protecting her from the cold snowy ground but he knew he'd never forgive himself if he made her injuries worse.

"Where's the damn medics?!" he shouted. He needed to get Erin to the hospital as quick as possible. He needed to get her help.

"A minute out," Voight replied, his Sergeant's voice sounding more gruff than usual at seeing Erin in that state but Jay couldn't care at the moment for his Sergeant. Erin was his priority, nothing and no one else mattered.

"You hear that Erin? Help is almost here. So just hold on a bit more okay? You're gonna be fine," He was mumbling like crazy, just saying anything and everything that might help Erin to hold on and stay with him. He dropped his head onto her stomach, just wanting to be closer to her. "We're going to go see the Rockefeller tree remember? We're going to do all those cheesy tourist things. And your rooftop? We're going to ring in the New Year together right? We have plans Erin. We have all those sunny days ahead of us, so please baby, just hold on," he begged into her stomach.

The sound of sirens had never sounded more beautiful to Jay as the paramedics finally arrived, Brett and her partner running over to them in a rush. He was reluctant to take his hands off Erin, trusting her life in someone else's hands. He felt Voight tug him back and he let himself be pulled, knowing it was best thing for Erin. But he hovered over them, rambling off her injuries to Brett.

"We got her Jay," Sylvie assured Jay while she remained focused on her task, wrapping the wound quickly to stave off the bleeding. Jay just watched silently as Erin's neck was put in a brace and after what felt like forever, she was finally lifted onto the backboard and was being transported inside the bus.

He didn't bother waiting for Voight's permission, instead he jumped onto the ambulance to ride with Erin to the hospital. He reached over to the hand that was hanging limply by the side and he clutched it, like it was a lifeline for him. The only thing running through his mind was that she had to be okay, that she had to be fine. They made plans for their future. He was going to New York for Christmas and New Year, Erin was coming for Valentine's Day and he was moving to New York. They had their whole lives to live together. They were going to be so happy. Erin just had to hold on.

* * *

The second they reached Chicago Med, everything turned chaotic. Dr. Rhodes was already waiting by the entrance with a whole team of nurses, ready to transport Erin inside. Jay followed blindly as the stretcher holding Erin was wheeled inside, Rhodes shouting medical jargons Jay didn't understand. All he knew was that he wanted to be by her side, holding her hand. Ugly words like head trauma, gunshot wound and potential spinal injury made their way into his ears and it was too much for Jay to handle.

"Please just save her," Jay didn't recognize his own voice that came out, all broken, pleading with Connor. The doctor just looked at Jay and gave him a reassuring nod, a silent promise that he'd do his best. Jay wanted to follow further in but was stopped by a nurse, halting him in his steps and all he could was watch as Erin was wheeled inside, fighting for her life as the medical team poked and prodded her as they worked to save her life.

"Jay." Jay barely registered Will calling his name, still watching the double door that had Erin behind it like he could see through it if he tried hard enough. "Jay!" Will placed his hand on Jay's shoulder gently to get his attention but Jay was still caught up in his mind to pay attention. "Come on," Will called gently, pulling his brother back away from the door. Will frowned with worry when he noticed Jay shaking in his thin t-shirt, his hands covered in Erin's blood. "Let's get you cleaned up."

It was like moving around a rag doll for Will as he dragged Jay to the nearby restroom to wash up. Jay was like a robot, completely silent as he washed his hands and the water turned red from Erin's blood as it swirled down the drain. The water was scalding hot and Jay scrubbed and scrubbed harshly, his hands turning red from the action.

"Ok, I think that's enough," Will said softly and he reached over to turn the water off. Jay didn't move, instead he gripped the sink tightly until his hands turned white, head down and he was panting. Will was taken off-guard when his demeanor changed suddenly and Jay slammed his down on the sink, a loud noise resonating through the otherwise quiet restroom.

"Fuck!" Jay shouted, anger spewing out of him and he slammed his fist into the towel dispenser repeatedly. Will moved quickly to hold Jay back as his brother continued to take his anguish out on the innocent object. "Fuck! Damn it!"

"Hey! Calm down man!" Jay became the opposite of the rag doll then. Now he was the epitome of an angry bull, filled with rage and fear, ready to take his anger out on anything and everything.

"One minute!" Jay shouted, voice cracking. "Just one minute earlier and she wouldn't be like this!" The sound of anguish in Jay's voice broke Will's heart. It was obvious that Jay blamed himself, whether it was deserved or not.

"Come on, Jay," Will tried again. "Don't do this okay? You got to her in time. She's still alive right? She wouldn't want you to do this."

"I should've figured it out earlier," Jay uttered, voice small with blame—blame on himself. "I was too late." He turned to Will, eyes red with tears threatening to fall. "The way she hit the ground when she fell," he couldn't continue his words, the harrowing image of Erin falling to the ground replaying over and over in his head. Instead he dropped his head on Will's shoulder, his brother's arms coming around him in comfort. "If she doesn't wake up."

"She will!" Will refuted. "It's Erin and she's strong. You know it, I know it. She's going to be fine." Will lifted Jay's head to look him straight in the eyes, trying his best to break through the grief of his brother. "She'll be fine and she's going to need you. So you can't go around taking your anger out on random object and hurting yourself okay?"

Jay didn't reply, just breathing hard to calm himself down. He just nodded stiffly when Will suggested going back out to the waiting room.

* * *

The waiting room was already filled with his team when Jay made his way back out, worried and scared faces studying him. They all decided to keep quiet about his hands, which were red and getting more swollen by the minute. He didn't bother saying anything, instead just opting to take a seat away from the group. He didn't want eyes on him nor did he want some useless words about how it was going to be okay. Nobody knew that for sure and he didn't want to hear platitudes right now. He had seen people become brain dead from less traumatic injury than what he saw Erin went through. Falling out of the second story and hitting her head on the ground, Jay didn't want his mind to go there but the words brain dead was running through his mind.

It was like torture waiting for any sort of news about Erin, each second ticked by so slowly as he sat rigid in the uncomfortable chair, unmoving as he waited for Connor to come out with an update. The pain that course through his hands as he had them in a tight fist was welcomed, it was his own punishment for not getting to Erin on time. He failed her and he deserved to be in pain.

There were conversations around him and he half-heartedly listened as his team filled Will in on what had happened. New information of how Stan was planning on making the whole house explode with a gas leak and how Erin had saved Jenny's life made their way to him. But that was not the information he wanted, what he desperately needed to hear. What he needed was for Connor to walk through those doors with a smile on his face and tell him that Erin was going to okay, all she'd need is a few weeks of bed rest. Erin would gripe and complain about being stuck in bed and she would pout when Jay would inevitably hover over her, smother her with attention but he'd cherish the grumpiest grumpy Erin because at least she'd be okay. That was all he wanted to hear at this moment.

"Coffee?" He shook his head, declining Kim's offer as she carried a cup holder filled with coffee cups. Even Voight had stiffly accepted her offer as he sat across the room, just as silent as Jay had been while they waited with bated breath and heads snapping up with hope every time they heard footsteps thinking it was Dr. Rhodes. He saw Voight received several calls during the past couple of hours they've been waiting, the Sergeant's face becoming dark whenever he saw the caller I.D and he didn't even bother to pick up the calls. Instead Jay felt Voight gazed over at him several times whenever the phone rang.

Finally after what felt like years, Connor walked through the door, a serious look on his face. Jay jumped up out of his seat and reached the doctor in quick strides, eyes pleading with him to give him good news. "How's Erin?"

Dr. Rhodes held up his hands to quiet the group and their clamors of how Erin was doing down. "The bullet was lodged in her thigh but we managed to get it out with minimal damage. She had a couple of deep lacerations that we stitched up and those will heal in time. She also had mild hypothermia from being in the cold so long. But those are the least of her worries right now," Connor explained, taking a deep breath before continuing. "We took a CT scan and an X-Ray and the results showed that she doesn't have any major injury to her spine. She was very lucky in that aspect." Jay let out a small breath of relief at that news but his relief didn't last long as he studied Connor's face and saw the hesitant look.

"What about her head?" Voight asked, worry evident in his question.

Connor took a deep breath, almost like he was bracing himself to lay bad news on them and Jay's heart was beating out of his chest. He needed to hear the words right away—good or bad—he'd rather the bandage be ripped off instead of it being dragged out. "She suffered a pretty severe head injury when she landed on the ground. Now head injuries are always hard to tell and they can vary from one person to another. We've packed her head with ice to get the swelling to go down before we can run some more tests on her head. But all you need to know right now is that her brain is still showing brain activity so that's the best news you could get right now."

Jay released a shaky breath. Erin was still with them, her body and her mind. "So what happens next?"

"We wait," Connor replied. "Like I said, her brain is still showing strong signs of activity so that's good. At this point, we're trying to get the swelling to go down so we can release the pressure in her brain and then we'll run some more tests, a few more X-rays, CT scan and a MRI."

"When is she going to wake up?" Voight asked and Jay just knew that his Sergeant was flashing back to the last time he had a child in the hospital bed, Justin not making it as a result, the pain of losing a child too great to truly forget.

"It's really unknown at this point," Connor replied. Jay looked at him confused, heart dropping.

"But you said that there's brain activity," Jay stammered out, words quickly rushing out in worry. "That…that means that she'll wake up for sure right?"

Jay hated the look on Connor's face, filled with pity as the doctor contemplated on how to best drop the news. "As I said, brain injuries are difficult because it can be really random and can vary from one person to another. I can't make any guarantee at this point. I'm sorry." Jay huffed, hands going to his hips as he took in the news. There was no way that Erin not waking up could be a possibility. She had to wake up. She had her whole life to live. "All we can do right now is to take it one step at a time. We're going to do everything we can to help her okay?" Connor looked at the devastated looks on the faces, feeling horrible to be one delivering the news. "Listen, Erin is young and she's a strong healthy woman. She has her best fighting chance to come out of this." He sighed, his words of reassurance not doing much to comfort the group. He just smiled tightly, knowing there was nothing he could do or say that could make things better right now, not unless he had a miracle way of waking Erin up and while he was a good doctor, he was no miracle worker. He couldn't go around making promises that he couldn't keep, a tidbit his attending doctor drilled into his head during his internship.

"Can we see her?"

Connor shook his head at Olivia. "Not just yet. We still need to run some more tests on her before we can get her settled into ICU. Then maybe in a couple of hours, we can start letting you in, one by one."

Jay fell onto his chair when Connor left after giving them an update. Jay dropped his face into his hands, tears threatening to fall at the news that Erin may not wake up. He couldn't breathe, every inhale he took was sharp and every exhale he let out was shaky. He was trying his best from completely breaking down in the waiting room, not wanting anyone else to see him crumble into pieces. He needed to be strong for Erin, she would need him as she recovered. He needed to keep faith that she'd be fine, that she would wake up.

"Hey," Will patted Jay's shoulder. "It's going to be okay. You heard Connor, she still has strong brain activity. That's good." Jay just nodded, letting Will's words of comfort and reassurance sink in. Erin would be fine, she had to be.

* * *

Jay sat, arms crossed across his chest, as he stared at a spot on the wall. A lone black dot on the large white wall. Maybe it was a stain or it was just some random mark but even though it was tiny compared to the size of the wall itself, it stood out, marring the otherwise pristine whiteness of the space and drawing his attention to it. His eyes focused on it as the hours went by, no new updates of Erin coming from the medical staff, as he waited to see Erin.

For some reason, that black dot made Jay angry the longer he stared at it. How dare such a tiny mark make such a big impact on something so clean and pure? How can what was supposed to be a random blip in Erin's life can turn her world upside down? Yates was supposed to be just another criminal, just another serial killer that they need to catch, another name on their arrest records before moving onto another name. But instead, Yates had turned their lives upside down. He had torn Erin's life apart. He was the black dot on Erin's white wall. A random mark that demanded attention until it was all you can see. First he had taken Nadia from Erin that had led to Erin almost completely losing herself and then he had manipulated his sick son and now Erin was left fighting for her life. Suddenly a round of bullets didn't seem enough of a justice for Jay, Stan's death too fast for him to felt any real pain. No, the psycho needed to feel the pain and torture his victims did instead Jay had delivered him a quick death, a merciful one in Jay's books.

Voight's phone buzzed again and Jay stared from his side eyes as the older man huffed and turned the ringing off, ignoring the call again. He glanced over Jay and caught his inquiring eyes and he just shook his head. If Voight wasn't going to share who had been calling him constantly since he had gotten to the hospital then Jay was more than happy to be going back to his thoughts while they waited for the okay to see Erin.

He heard Voight sighed before saying, "That's IAD calling." Jay turned his head over to his Sergeant, eyebrows raised in confusion, waiting for him to elaborate. "Since the case got high profile since we got the public in on it, they want to close it as fast as possible," Voight explained, eyes focused on Jay. "They want your statement about what happened on the ground earlier, about the rounds of your bullets in Stan."

"I killed that psycho because he was about to kill Erin. That's what happened," Jay replied, a chill in his voice.

Voight nodded. "I get that. But you know IAD. They've been bugging me to make sure you go in to Ivory Tower so they can investigate. 24 hours. You know the drill."

Jay glared at Voight. "I'm not going anywhere until Erin wakes up." There was no way that he would be leaving Erin so he can give some bullshit statement to the freaking IAD. He did nothing wrong as far as he was concerned. The bastard had kidnapped Erin, held her hostage and was about to shoot her before Jay had shot him. If IAD had a problem with that then they can all go to hell. Voight didn't reply, probably already expecting the answer from Jay, instead just crossing his arms as the two of them resumed their waiting in complete silence.

* * *

"Sergeant Voight. Detective Halstead," Jay's head snapped up at hearing his name and saw the Commander standing over them, unhappy look on his face.

"Commander Rawley," Voight greeted, sounding as happy as a kid that was about to go to a dentist. "What do we owe for this pleasure?" The Commander gave Voight a pointed look before directing his attention back to Jay, who was ignoring his superior. Jay knew what he was there for and all Jay knew was that this Commander made a trip for nothing if he was expecting Jay to leave Erin's side.

"Detective Halstead," Commander Rawley started, staring down Jay. "You are expected at the Ivory Tower right away so you can be properly investigated for the shooting of Stanley Rappaport. You need to give your statement so we can make a decision on whether the shooting was justified or it was excessive."

Jay's anger surged at his words and he stood up, staring the Commander down. "You're kidding right?" Jay sneered. "Excessive? You need to investigate to know whether it was justified to shoot the psychopath that kidnapped and that was about kill a police officer? You're out of your freaking mind."

The Commander didn't look happy at Jay's words and he sucked in a harsh breath. "Now Detective, I'm asking you nicely to make your way down to the tower."

"I'm not going anywhere," Jay retorted. "You want a statement? You want a report? Then here." He cocked his hands on his hips, eyes blazing with rage as he stared at the Commander. "Stan Rappaport had already murdered six people and injured many others. He killed a Chicago police officer and kidnapped another Detective and another innocent woman. He was about to shoot a police officer after kidnapping her so I shot him before he could, several times. And he deserved each and every one of those bullets."

"Halstead!" Jay brushed off Voight's warning in the back.

"And if you ask me if I would do it again then I'd say fuck yes, in a heartbeat." Jay finished, eyes remaining steady on the Commander. "There's your fucking statement."

"Detective Halstead!" Commander Rawley barked, getting angry. "Watch how you speak to your superior! I'm giving you one more chance to get your ass down to the tower or so help me, I will strip you of your badge right here!" he threatened.

Jay snatched his badge that clipped to him and slammed it in the Commander's chest roughly. "You think I care about my badge right now?" Jay exploded, face turning red in anger. "The woman I love is fighting for her life right now and you expect me to leave her side to give some bullshit statement about whether or not killing a psychopath that tortured and murdered people was justified? Fuck off!"

He felt himself being pulled back by Antonio and Kevin, the two offering apologies and explanations to the Commander for his sake but Jay didn't care about that at the moment. He was too far gone in his fury and rage to worry about saving his job at the moment. It didn't matter to him, they could take his badge, they could take everything from him and he didn't care.

"Come on Halstead. Just breathe man!" Antonio urged, trying to calm Jay that was struggling in their tight hold down. "You don't want to do this man." Antonio tried again, knowing Jay wasn't listening to reasons at this point.

"Is that your final answer Detective?" the Commander questioned one last time, holding Jay's badge in his hands. Jay stopped fighting against Antonio and Kevin's hold to look at the Commander, not even looking at his badge that was in someone else's hands.

"I'm not going anywhere," he stated each syllable clearly so the man in front of him knew exactly where he stood. "I'm not leaving Erin's side until she wakes up. You want to take my badge from me for doing that? Then go ahead." Jay shrugged. "Erin comes first."

The Commander kept his eyes on Jay for a minute, the look of unwavering determination and stubbornness on Jay's face convinced him enough to put Jay's badge in his pocket and he left the waiting room. Jay glanced around, panting heavily to calm himself down, and saw the shocked faces of his team, unable to believe what just happened and he dropped back down to his seat, exhausted both mentally and physically. The silence in the room was deafening, everyone too in shock at the fact that Jay had just lost his badge. But he didn't care about anything else at that moment, the only thing that mattered to him was that he wasn't leaving Erin's side until she woke up—there was no way in hell he was going to leave her side—he was going to do everything in his power to make sure that this time she wouldn't be waking up alone. He'd be the first face she'd see _when_ she woke up, there by her side to reassure her that everything would be alright. He'd make sure of it.


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23

"I'm really sorry. We've done everything we could but there was nothing we could do," Dr. Rhodes said with, his face ridden with sadness and guilt. "Erin is officially considered brain dead."

Jay shook his head, unwilling to believe Erin being gone. "No...but you said that she was going to wake up," he started stammering, tears clouding his vision. "You said that her brain was fine! She can't be gone!" Jay started shouting. Connor had to be playing a joke on him, the cruelest of joke but it was all okay, he could get over it as long as it was a joke. Because he couldn't fathom the idea of Erin, his Erin, being gone.

Connor didn't say anything, just dropped his head unable to retain eye contact with a crumbling Jay. "I'm sorry." That was all he could say, all he could offer. "Like I said, the brain is just unpredictable."

"Jay," he heard Will calling his name but he couldn't look at his brother, not when his world was just completely destroyed. He couldn't breathe. His chest was tight, it was like he was having a heart attack. His lungs weren't cooperating with him, they were preventing him from taking in a breath and he was falling into darkness and Will was left holding his crumbling body up.

"She can't…no," he was still in denial. "Just tell me that it's a joke."

"As a doctor, I'd advise for Erin to be taken off life support soon," Connor just said. "We find that it's the best thing for the patient and the family, not to hold on too long. You can say your goodbye and start the healing process."

Jay just stared at the doctor in disbelief. Connor made it sound so easy, like Jay was supposed to just walk back into her hospital room and just say a mere goodbye then Erin would be gone forever. Not only her brain would stop working but her heart would stop beating, her lungs would stop breathing. One minute her heart would still be beating then the next, all at once, Jay would have to say goodbye. He couldn't do that, giving up on Erin would be the hardest part. There still had to be a chance that she would wake up.

"There's no chance," Connor said like he was reading Jay's mind. "She's not coming back. No matter how much you want her to, she's gone. Accept it Jay. You failed her and now she's gone. All because of you."

* * *

Jay jolted up, his head snapping up from where he had it laying in his hand. His eyes immediately searched for Erin even though she was literally only a few inches away from him as he sat by her bedside. But the dream—nightmare—he had felt too real, too possible, that he was left trembling from it. Even when he saw Erin in the same position as before and the machines connected to her sounding the same, he couldn't stop shaking, unable to shake off the dream he had. He reached out to her, clasping her hand in his and kissing it until his lips turned white. He needed the touch, he needed to feel her skin, he needed to make sure that she was still here with him. Only then he was able to breathe again.

Despite the coldness of the room and the fact that he was still in his t-shirt, he was sweating, too worked up from just the thought of losing Erin. He sighed, rubbing his face with his free hand roughly. That was why he didn't want to fall asleep. Even if he had just dozed off for a couple of minutes like he just did, he dreamt of the worst possible scenarios, like Erin being pronounced brain dead or him not making it on time and arriving too late only to find Erin bleed out on the ground, her blood coloring the snow crimson red.

_She was still here._

He repeated those words to himself, reminding himself that she was still holding on, still fighting like the fighter she was. Despite his still palpating heart, he felt like he should've been grateful for his brain for conjuring up those torturous dreams because it kept him awake and the last thing he wanted to do was to be sleeping away like an idiot when Erin woke up. No, he wanted to be awake when she woke up, he wanted to see her beautiful eyes and delicate smile. He wanted to take it all in with his starving eyes when she flashed her dimples at him. He needed to stay awake.

Jay sat in the uncomfortable chair by Erin's bedside, not moving an inch despite having sat there for hours already. The night came and went and now it was sometime in the mid afternoon again, judging by the small light that peeked through the windows of hospital room.

It had been 28 hours. 28 hours since Jay saw Erin fell through the window—an image even his worst nightmare couldn't have dreamed up—and it had been over 20 hours since Dr. Rhodes had given the okay to see Erin and 20 hours since Jay had planted himself by her side and hadn't moved since. For hours, Voight had sat by the chair across from him, arms crossed and faces stoic as they waited in silence for any sign of Erin waking up. But duties called and Voight had been called into the station, their team having been sent back hours earlier and SVU followed, having to turn in their own report. Not everyone could be as reckless as Jay, nor could they just given up their badges as easily as Jay did. So Jay had been the only one left, just like he preferred. The only sounds in the otherwise dead silence of the room were from the machines.

Heartbeat. Brainwaves.

Jay didn't understand all the machines that were hooked onto Erin or what all the squiggly lines on the monitors meant. But he knew what the steadying beeps meant. Those beeps were so melodic to Jay because it let him knew that she was still here with him, body and mind. That her brain was still working, her heart still beating even if she needed help breathing. _Just a precaution. _Will had explained. _It's just to make things easier on her._ Will reassured Jay when he freaked at the sight of a mask being put on Erin, the line being attached to a ventilator.

_Beep. Beep. Beep. _

Those rhythmic sounds could've lulled him to sleep again if he wasn't so damn worried about missing Erin opening her eyes while he slept like an idiot. At this point, the only sound that would be more beautiful to him was Erin calling his name, her raspy voice and all. But until that happened—_it will happen,_ he corrected himself—he forced himself to stay awake, clutching Erin's limp hands in his own, as if they were helping him breathe, his own breathing machine.

She looked so small in the bed, hooked onto wires and tubes but she remained just as beautiful as ever. Even though her ivory skin was marred and etched with scars and scratches from the broken glass, she was still flawless to Jay. He wanted to bury his face in her hair, he wanted to take in the sweet smell of her shampoo that she always used but he didn't dare to, in fear of accidentally knocking some wires and hurting her more. So he remained sitting, his hands clasping hers and he counted every rise and fall of her chest as the hours passed by. It didn't matter how much his back was hurting or how much his stomach was clamoring for food, he'd sit there until she woke up, his face would be the first face she'd see when she opened her hazel eyes again. Besides no matter how much his stomach was growling, he couldn't actually eat. He barely tasted and swallowed a bite of the sandwich Kim had brought him during her last visit and had tossed it to the side.

"Hey." Jay looked up at the voice and found Olivia standing by the door, a small smile on the Lieutenant's face. He just greeted her with a small smile and a tilt of the head, eyes returning to Erin. Olivia took that as an invitation and she made her way further into the room, sitting down on the chair that Voight occupied before he had to leave. "How's she doing? Any changes?"

Jay shook his head solemnly. "No." He ran his fingers along Erin's knuckles. "Rhodes said that her swelling has gone down a little bit but there's been no change. She hasn't woken up."

Olivia gave him a comforting smile. "I guess in cases like this, no news is good news." Jay shrugged. He'd preferred actual good news but when had things ever been easy for Erin? It was like life was determined to make things as difficult for his girl as it could, testing her over and over again. Lesser person would've given up already years ago but she was the strongest person he knew and he knew she wouldn't give up this time either. She'd keep her promise and come back to him. That was the only thing that was keeping his sane at this moment.

"You don't have to be at the station?"

"The good thing about my job is that there's not a lot of people I have to answer to," Olivia joked. "And the people that I do have to answer to are a 2 hours plan ride away so.." Jay let out a small chuckle, the action feeling strange to him, not having anything to laugh about for so long.

"Must be nice," he replied. "Although I guess I have no one to answer to anymore myself."

Olivia exhaled. "Yeah, about that," she started, glancing over at Jay until he took his eyes off Erin and gave Olivia his focus. "Erin's definitely not going to be happy to hear that when she wakes up."

"Yeah," Jay agreed, knowing exactly how Erin would react to hear that he gave up his badge and pretty much cussed a commander out in front of the whole hospital. "I can already hear her," he laughed softly, imagining the look that Erin got whenever she was pissed in his head, cheeks sucked in and eyes blazing, his fiery girl. "It's worth it though." There was no way he was leaving her side, especially not so he can justify himself for shooting Stan to a bunch of Commanders that were on a power trip and had completely forgotten what it was like to be on the streets and be actual police, not up in their Ivory Tower.

"Maybe it'll all cool down. When things calm down, maybe you can fight for your badge back."

"Maybe," Jay shrugged. Would he like his badge back? Sure. He loved being a detective and he loved being part of Intelligence but at the end of the day, it was just a job. Perhaps he had hidden himself behind his badge before, made it his whole identity and when Erin left, he made his job his whole life but it wasn't as though he was any happier for it. He had learned the hard way that it wasn't what he did that was important but who was in his life that brought him happiness. Erin made him happy. Will made him happy. His friends made him happy. That was the most important thing. "It's really not that important to me right now. Being able to be here for Erin, that's my priority."

Olivia remained quiet, just studying him. "She's really important to you huh?" Olivia voiced after a couple of minutes. Jay looked up at her at the turn in conversation, never really pegging Olivia as someone he'd opened up to about his feelings. "I guess that's a silly question," Olivia rescinded after Jay remained silent, almost like she was embarrassed by her question. "It's pretty obvious."

Jay just nodded, intertwining his fingers with Erin's. "She's the most important person in my life," he replied, tone serious. "I just want to be here when she wakes up."

"She told you what happened last time?"

"Yeah," Jay replied, jaw tensing at recalling how hard it was to sit and listen as Erin told him about being shot and laid up in the hospital all alone. "She didn't deserve to be all alone. I should've been there."

"You didn't know."

He should have. Perhaps there was a bit of hurt that remained with Jay that Erin decided to keep him in the dark about what happened to her, not allowing him to be there. He would've flown to New York in a heartbeat and would've been by her side the last time if he knew.

"I'm glad she had you though," Jay responded. "Thank you for being there for her. Erin's lucky to have you looking out for her." Jay said honestly. Olivia had done more for Erin than Bunny had her whole life. He would always be grateful to the woman sitting across from him for that, Erin's own mother was worthless as far as Jay was concerned, bringing nothing but trouble for Erin's life. She deserved someone that truly cared about her without expecting anything in return, not to see her as either a piggy bank or a free get-out-of-jail card like Bunny did.

Olivia smiled and shook her head, waving off Jay's thanks. "I care a lot about Erin. I couldn't believe that her previous supervisor didn't call anyone or had done the basic thing like leave instructions with a nurse to call someone for Erin. I was so angry when I found out. Erin was the one in the hospital bed and she was the one calming me down from ripping her supervisor a new one."

"She didn't deserve someone like Erin in her unit," Jay said adamantly. "Erin belongs on a team that cares about her."

"We do," Olivia replied. "The moment I had the opportunity to bring her on, I took it and I haven't regretted it since. She may be stubborn."

Jay scoffed. "That's an understatement of the year," he said fondly.

"Yeah," Olivia agreed, laughing. "But I know that she's going to do anything she can to do right by the victims. That's all you can really ask for in a cop." Jay nodded, affection filling up again for Erin at Olivia's words. Erin gave all of herself to her job, whether it was a good thing or not. Maybe if she was more selfish and more self-serving, she wouldn't be lying in the hospital, unaware of everything that was going on around her.

"Yeah," he said, sounding wistful. "She's the best cop I know. She's the best_ person_ I know." He reached up and brushed his fingers on her face, taking in the softness of her skin, the soft strands of her eyebrows. He just desperately wanted to see her eyes. He felt Olivia's eyes on him, studying his gesture and maybe if it was Voight that was sitting across from him, he would've refrained from letting his weakness show—his boss always scrutinizing his relationship with Erin—but it was almost nice not having to hold himself back from showing his affection.

"Have you thought about what you're going to do? About your job." Olivia clarified after seeing Jay's confused face.

Jay mulled her question over. He really hadn't, his mind too occupied with worry for Erin to care about his career. Maybe he had been hasty in just slamming his badge in the Commander's chest in anger but he didn't find himself regretting it, knowing that he would've done the same thing over and over again if he was given another chance.

"Not really," he replied, shrugging. "Maybe I'll get my badge back. Maybe I won't."

"You're being awfully cavalier about this," Olivia retorted, face frowning. "You worked hard for that badge, you're a great detective."

"Maybe," Jay replied. "But that's not all I am." He paused, wondering if he should tell Olivia a part of what he and Erin had planned. "Um..me and Erin were actually talking about me moving to New York."

"Really?" Olivia said, sounding not surprised at all, making Jay surprised. "I guess I can't exactly say that I'm surprised at that."

"Yeah?"

"Call it a woman's intuition," Olivia laughed. "Ever thought about becoming a SVU detective?"

Jay raised his eyebrow in surprise at Olivia's question. "Is that a job offer?" he questioned, tone unbelieving.

Olivia shrugged, confirming his question. "Just something to think about when you're thinking about what to do later."

"You really have room to take in another Intelligence stray?"

"Well the last stray, as you put it, I took in worked out so well so what's one more?"

Jay was in disbelief. "I umm…I don't know what to say."

"Of course, you have to pass all the necessary tests to get your credentials in New York but you're a smart guy and Voight's always complaining about your affinity for sticking to the rules so I'm guessing you just have to brush up on the books a bit before taking the tests again and pass with flying colors. So just think about it. Talk it over with Erin when she wakes up and the offer is on the table."

Jay couldn't believe it. He couldn't believe that he was being given another opportunity to work together with Erin again. He had just assumed that when he made his move to New York, he'd settle for another department like Narcotics or Vice, something that kept him in the City but he'd be working far from Erin. But Olivia was giving him a chance to be in SUV, to work alongside Erin again. He'd be a fool not to take it.

"I'd be honored," Jay replied, standing up to shake Olivia's hands. "Really. Thank you."

"Don't mention it."

* * *

After Olivia had left, the room became silent again, the machines emitting the only sounds. Jay didn't even bother turning on the T.V, just rather sit there in silence than have whatever drivel that was on T.V playing in the background. The sun was already setting, the darkening light outside indicating as such. Jay sighed, a second day has passed by and there was still no change in Erin. No sign that she would wake up soon. He crossed his hands and placed his elbows on the bed, edging closer to sleeping Erin. He knew he had to patient when it came to Erin. He waited for her until she was ready to stop hiding behind Voight and was ready to be in a real relationship with him, he waited for her until she felt safe and comfortable enough to break down her walls and really trusted him. He'd wait for her this time too. He stood up and leaned over her, placing the softest kiss he could on her cheeks, letting his lips rest there for a little bit. He frowned when he felt how hot her face was. He immediately checked her hand, resting her palm against his cheeks and his palm on her forehead and felt the same type of heat present in both places.

"Shit!" How in the hell didn't he notice her catching a fever earlier? He ran out the door, shouting for help. The nurse that was right outside the door ran over to him right away at his panicked state. "I need help. Erin, she got a fever."

The nurse immediately took action, running over to the counter to page Connor and rushed back in the room with other nurses, the medical staff pushing Jay out of the way.

"She was fine earlier," he started rambling, saying anything he could that might help Erin. He felt like such an idiot, he was too busy feeling sorry for himself that he didn't even notice when the fever started. "She's going to be okay right?"

Connor came in then, quickly going over to Erin's bedside while the nurse started reading off her vitals. The serious expressions on their faces indicating to Jay that it wasn't good, not that fevers were ever a good thing. He felt so helpless, just standing there while they worked on Erin. He couldn't do anything for her. He just wanted to know what was going on.

"We need to get an urinalysis and culture done," Connor ordered the nurse. "We also need to take her in for an X-ray to see what's going on. Eliminate all possible causes for the fever before we can diagnose her." The nurses complied, removing the wires attached to Erin and released the brakes on her hospital bed.

"Wait, where are you taking her? What's going on?"

Connor barely gave Jay a glance, too focused on Erin. "We need to take her in for an X-ray and get some tests done."

"She's going to be alright though right?" he needed Connor to tell him that she would be just fine. "Hey!"

Connor stopped in his tracks, finally turning around to face Jay. "We're going to do everything we can Jay. You just need to wait until we have more answers." Then Connor was gone, taking Erin with him.

* * *

"Hey," Will walked over to Jay as he sat outside of Erin's hospital room, his face buried in his hands. He looked up at his brother and Will paused, taking in Jay's bloodshot eyes and dark bags underneath his eyes. "I heard about Erin."

Jay tugged at his head, remaining quiet. He heard Will sighed before sitting down on the empty chair next to him.

"She's going to be fine."

"You don't know that," Jay retorted. He was so sick of everyone telling him that everything was going to be fine, that she was going to be fine. All that led to was him letting his guard down and failing to see important things like Erin catching a fever. He needed to be on his toes.

"It's probably just an infection," Will started explaining. "They're pretty common in patients like Erin. And fevers are a good thing in those cases."

Jay looked at Will incredulously. "So this is a good thing?" he challenged. "Look Will, I know you're just trying to make me feel better but I can't take it right now okay? Not when it comes to Erin and what's going on with her okay? I don't want to kept in the dark about anything. I just need the truth."

Will remained quiet before releasing a deep sigh. "Okay," he agreed, readying himself to tell Jay. "Obviously I can't tell you what's going on with Erin exactly but I can tell you what I know in other cases like Erin." Jay just nodded, bracing himself to hear what Will had to say. "I wasn't lying when I said infections are common and that fevers were a good thing. It's just the body's way of fighting the infection off. But there could be other underlying causes for the fever."

"I have a feeling that whatever you're about to tell me isn't going to be good."

"Because it's not," Will replied and Jay leaned forward in the chair, crossing his fingers together. "It could be a blood clot or even just from the impact of the fall itself."

"Will…will she be okay?" That was all Jay wanted to know. He just wanted her to be fine.

"Well, let's not get ahead of ourselves first Jay," Will said, releasing a small humorless chuckle. "Connor is going to do everything he can to make sure Erin's okay. You know that right?" Jay didn't reply, feeling like his question was rhetorical. "Look Jay, they're going to take a while to get all the tests done so why don't you go home, get some rest?" Jay didn't reply again, feeling no need to. There was no way he was leaving while everything was still in limbo and Will was a fool for even suggesting it. "Come on Jay," Will tried again, patting his back. "No offense but you look like crap. You need some sleep or even just a shower. You're smelling kind of funky right now." Will's smile faltered as his attempt to cheer Jay up failed. He knew it was a long shot getting Jay to actually leave Erin's side and go home but he had to try. It wasn't healthy for Jay to skip eating and sleeping for almost two days because he was sick with worry over his girlfriend. "So no chance of me convincing you to take a break huh?" Jay shook his head. "Alright. I got to go back to my rounds. Seriously though man, I know it may not seem like it right now but everything's going to be fine. Just don't make yourself sick in the meantime. She's going to need you when she wakes up and recovering. Call me if you need anything." Jay smiled tightly, thanking his brother silently.

* * *

If Jay thought the wait was agonizing before, it was vacation in Hawaii compared to the current torture he was going through, waiting for any news of Erin. Nurses have came by and went and no one had any news to share with him, no updates or results of the multitudes of tests that they were putting Erin through. He knew he should call Voight and let him know what was going on but he was putting it off until he had something more to tell him than just Erin was running a fever and worrying everyone else in the process when none of them knew for sure what was going on with Erin. Maybe there was a small part of him that preferred waiting alone too, after all he had plenty of practice of waiting in hospitals all by himself with his mom.

After what felt like hours, Connor finally returned and Jay stood up from the chair, the sudden action causing the chair to scrape and made a loud screeching noise in the otherwise quiet hospital corridor.

"How's Erin?" he started to question Connor, invading his space. "She's going to be okay right?"

Connor held up his hand to calm Jay down. "Hold on Jay," the doctor said, backing away a bit. "So we ran several tests on Erin and good news, she just has an infection and it was causing her fever to spike."

"That's good news?"

"Yeah," Connor replied, chuckling a bit. "I know it doesn't sound like it and people usually freak out after hearing the word infection but honestly, it's lesser of many evils in Erin's case. She's lucky that the fever isn't being caused by anything worse. We've located the infection source and we're putting her on antibiotics."

"So she's going to be fine right?" Jay needed more clarification, an actual confirmation from Connor's mouth that everything was going to be fine. "This won't hurt her in the long run? Or stop her from waking up right?"

"It's not going to affect her recovery in the long run," Connor replied, keeping things vague. Jay sighed frustrated. "I'm sorry but you know I can't make any promises about her waking up. No matter how much I want to. But I can tell you this," Connor said, holding Jay's arm. "the antibiotics will help with the infection and fever. Everything else is up to Erin."

Jay just nodded, knowing there was nothing more Connor could do for Erin. "Where is she right now?"

"The nurse will bring her back into the room in a while. They're just finishing up."

"Thanks," he muttered, dropping back into his chair to wait for Erin to return to her room and for him to return to her bedside.

* * *

Jay clutched Erin's hand and brought it to his lips, happy to be by her side again. She was in the same position just as she was before, before the fever that suddenly came on that gave him the biggest fright that day. He still wasn't completely settled, his heart was still racing even though the nurses assured him several times that the antibiotics will bring the fever down. It was almost like he was waiting for the other shoe to drop, for the doctor to give him the news that he dreamt about—that Erin was gone.

The same steadying beeps returned to the room as Erin was hooked back onto the machines that were helping her and what was once comforting sounds to Jay before were just now driving him crazy. He thought that those sounds meant that Erin was doing okay but obviously it had lulled him into a false sense of security and he missed Erin running a fever. He needed to fill in the silence. He wanted to talk to Erin, tell her everything he had on his mind. He wasn't sure if she would be able to hear him but he felt like he needed to try anyway. Any minuscule chance that Erin could hear him and hear him plead and tell her how much he needed her was a chance that he was willing to take.

He intertwined his fingers with her soft ones, resting his cheek on the back of her hand that was clasped with his. He brought his other hand up and reached over to caress her cheeks, the soft skin that he loved so much felt like heaven underneath his fingertips.

"God Erin," he started, voice soft and shaky. "You scared me real bad." He let out a small chuckle. She was always scaring him, either for her well-being or for making him realize just how much he loved her and just how deep his love ran for this girl. It was a feeling he never thought he'd be capable of, this pure love for another person that wasn't family. He never thought it was possible to love someone this much but Erin was always exceeding his expectations. He wasn't the most open person and he didn't have the best example growing up with his parents and witnessing their marriage first hand and seeing the heartbreak his mother went through made him closed off to the possibility of finding love. And that resolve only grew after he came back from Afghanistan and he fell into his dark hole. But Erin, with her stubbornness and her dimples, broke through that resolve, the walls he had around himself were no match for her, barely putting up a fight and he fell for her hard.

"There's a thousand things I can say, a million things I want to say," Jay whispered into her skin. "To make you wake up and come back to me." His mind was racing a thousand mile a minute, words tumbling in his head about what he wanted to say but when he opened his mouth, the words wouldn't come out like he wanted them to. He just wanted her to know just how much he loved her.

"I don't know if you can hear me Erin but there are just a couple of things I need you to know if you can," he kissed her hands and clutched it to his face. "I need you to know that you keep me up all night, that there's no one else that can get me like this. And I need you to know that you are the most stubborn person I've ever met in my life and sometimes you get me so frustrated that I want to pull all my hairs out. But there's not a damn thing I would change about you, even when you built a wall around yourself to protect yourself. It just makes me want to work harder to break them down and be the one person that never let you down. But I know I already have," he closed his eyes, feeling that guilt that he was trying so hard to push down. "If I had just figured out where Stan was at sooner or if I fought against Voight about bringing you with us, you wouldn't be here. I'm sorry," he said into her hand. "I'm so sorry Erin. But please, I need you to do something for me. Okay? Don't leave me alone alright?" he begged. "I wouldn't be able to take it. I already watched you walk away once and it was enough. It nearly killed me and I can't do it again, I can't lose you twice. So just fight for me and open your eyes Erin." He stood up shakily and kissed her forehead, pressing his lips there and resting it. "I'll wait here as long as you need to make your way back. Just come back to me."

* * *

After nearly breaking down in her room, he gathered himself up, not wanting anyone to see him like this. Then he had finally given Voight a call, updating him about Erin's condition. The older man told him that he'd be there as soon as he can, as he had to finish a few loose ends with the case and they can finally close the Stan Rappaport and Yates chapter to a close—officially anyway. There would still be lingering effect left behind by the two psychopaths but as far as Jay was concerned, they were both dead and could no longer harm anyone else.

There was a couple of quick knocks on the door and Will made his way in. "I got the update from Rhodes. Looks like everything was alright."

Jay wouldn't exactly define an infection or a fever as alright but he knew it was better than the alternative. "I guess," he shrugged, a little bit of irritation running through him. Honestly at this point, he just wanted to left alone. He didn't want anyone around him until they absolutely had to. He just wanted to keep his eyes on Erin just in case he missed something else again like he did her fever. He knew he couldn't keep Voight away from her but he thought he still had a couple of hours to himself. He rubbed his face before resting his head on the small space on Erin's bed, wishing silently that Will would understand to just leave him alone without him needing to ask. He didn't need or want Will hovering over him.

But he knew it was an empty wish when he heard Will take the seat across from him. He sighed deeply to himself, not wanting to look up just yet. Maybe if Jay ignored Will long enough, his brother would get the clue that he wanted to be alone.

"Jay," Will called out, waiting until Jay couldn't ignore him longer and looked up. "Go home. Get some rest."

"I'm fine," he replied tensely. He felt the small irritation grew larger as minutes passed by.

"Seriously man," Will tried again, feeling like a broken record at this point after telling Jay to go home several times already but his brother not budging. Will understood Jay's need to stay by Erin's side but there was nothing he could do for Erin by making himself sick. Usual pleading wasn't working so he tried a new angle. "Listen, the nurses here have been looking the other way about you staying here past visiting hours because they're grateful that you guys got Stan. Everyone here had been living on edges the past couple of weeks knowing they had a target on their back. But pretty soon, that gratefulness is going to run out if you continue to stay here."

"Then I'll wait until it does run out."

Will sighed, frustrated. As far as he was concerned, Jay and Erin were made for each other, both hard headed. He just worried about their future kid and just how much stubbornness he or she'd be born with. "Go home. You can't do anything for her anyway."

Will knew everyone had a breaking point and when a person went over two days without sleep or food, that breaking point was a lot shorter. That apparently was the wrong thing to say as Jay finally reached his and he stood up, fuming. "I know I can't fucking do anything alright. I don't need you reminding me that I'm fucking useless to help her!"

Will held up his hand in surrender, hoping to calm Jay down. "I didn't mean it like that man. I just meant that you will be a lot more useful to her when you are actually rested." Jay was still breathing hard, trying to contain his anger. "You can't do anything for her right now okay? She's still in a coma. She's under heavy antibiotics, she's not waking up anytime soon. So just go home and take a shower and come back when you're not going to lose it every second."

"I'm not going to abandon her right now."

Will rolled his eyes. "You're not abandoning her okay? Don't be so dramatic."

That riled up Jay even more. Perhaps he was being unreasonable but Will pointing it out wasn't going to help. "That's easy for you to say," Jay roared, his emotions—fear, anger, worry, anxiety—all spilling out. "You might be used to running away when someone needs you but I'm not!"

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Will asked, his nostrils flared in anger.

"You know exactly what I mean," Jay replied, hands going to his hips in an angry stance. "This isn't exactly the first time I've waited in the hospital by myself. I'm used to it so why don't you do exactly what you did the last time and just leave me alone?"

Jay knew he had gone too far when he saw the look of hurt made its way onto Will's face, the younger man not even attempting to hide it. It was a low blow and Jay knew it. He and Will had worked out their issues when it came to their mother already and Jay already forgiven and made his peace with Will on the subject. But he brought it up again and used it against Will, even though he knew the immense amount of guilt Will was carrying around about that, all because Jay was pushed and didn't want to be the only one hurting.

"I'm sorry," Jay muttered, genuinely feeling like shit. "That was a low blow and you didn't deserve that. I'm just….I don't even know why I brought it up in the first place."

Will studied him, taking in the state of Jay-disheveled clothes, messed up hairs and bloodshot eyes—all screaming that Jay wasn't in his right mind right now. He couldn't hold it against Jay for lashing out, no matter how hurt he was. "It's okay," he replied, trying to give him a convincing smile so there wouldn't be another thing Jay was feeling guilty about. "It's fine."

"No, it's not fine," Jay refuted. "I shouldn't have brought it up. it's not your fault. None of this is your fault."

"It's not yours either," Will retorted, wanting to ease Jay's misplaced guilt. He wasn't responsible for what Stan did or the state Erin was in. Jay just looked down and shrugged. "You want to make it up to me? Then listen to me and just go home. Just for a couple of hours at most. I'm serious when I said Erin's probably not going to wake up in the meantime. They have her on antibiotics and her body is still fighting off the infection," he explained. "This is the time for you to go home and you can come back later."

Jay sighed, rubbing his face again, finally giving into Will's relentless request. "Fine." He sat back down. "I don't want to leave her alone though, no matter what." Will started to speak but Jay cut him off. "So when Voight gets here, I'll go." Will knew that was the best he was going to get out of Jay so he'd have to take it.

* * *

It felt like forever ago that Jay had been back in his home. It was almost strange stepping back into his place, seeing it almost as though everything inside was put on pause while chaos happened outside of it. Had it really only been three days since he was last here, lips and body attached to Erin's as they were about to make love on the couch? It felt like a lifetime ago since Voight had interrupted them with a phone message that completely tossed their lives upside down.

He slowly made his way further in, not bothering to turn on the lights, choosing to stay in the dark, placing his keys in its usual place and tossed himself on the couch, body too tired to make his way into the bedroom. He ran his hands through his face and his hair, rubbing some of the fatigue out but at this point, it was useless. He glanced around the living room, seeing Erin everywhere in it. Even though Erin had been living with him for not even two weeks, there was evidence of her presence already everywhere. The cushions and the blankets they had slept on was still on the floor, all crumbled up from their love making. Her boots already laid in a pile on the ground, her favorite magazine that Jay had bought for her on the coffee table, next to her hair brush. She was everywhere and he didn't know whether it was comforting or just more stark reminders that she wasn't there with him in person, instead she was across town unconscious.

His eyes finally landed on the Christmas tree by the windows, the lights from outside illuminating the tree from behind. He slowly got up and made his way over to the tree. His eyes automatically went to the ornaments that were hanging there, side by side—their past and future like Erin said. His fingers ghosted over the delicate items, feeling the glitters and the smooth material, his head recalling the memory of Erin laying in his arms, a bright smile on her face as she rattled on about how much she loved the ornaments, the tree and him after they spent the night decorating the tree.

That was when the levee finally broke.

He crumbled onto the floor—clutching an ornament in his trembling hand—as every emotion he was holding in the past couple of days came spilling out, like when the rain became too much for the levee to handle until everything just started flooding out. He hated anyone to see him like this so he had tried his best from breaking down in front of other people, despite wanting to countless times in the past couple of days. But now that he was alone in his home in the dark, he could finally let go. All the fear, worry and anxiety he felt for Erin, all the feelings of hopelessness and helplessness, all the anger he held towards Stan and himself, he could finally let out. He felt the ache of his chest when he sobbed, he welcomed the deep painful rumbling he felt in his body, the pain had kept him in the moment. He brought his knees to his chest and buried his head in it, his body still shaking like he was out in the cold, an emotional wreck trembling in the wind. The last time he had broken down like this was the night he had punched Will and kicked him out after fighting with him over Erin's stuff so it was almost poetic that the next time would be over Erin too. Only last time, he thought he already lost her but this time, he couldn't.

Finally his body settled and the trembling turned to just soft shudders and he felt more in control. He still didn't feel better but the heavy ache in his chest that was squeezing his heart was a bit looser than before and he felt like he could actually breathe a bit more. Before it was like he was drowning in the ocean and no matter how much he kicked and fought, the tide was too powerful and kept pulling him under. The breakdown he just had was almost like a life preserver, it didn't solve all of his problem, he still needed to kick and fight to make his way back to the shore but it made things a bit easier. He didn't feel like he was going to pull back under any second now.

He gathered enough energy to finally pull himself off the cold floor and made his way into the bathroom, grimacing when the bright light came on. He looked at himself in the mirror and almost didn't recognize himself. His eyes and noses were red from rubbing at them so hard, his lips were cracked from being dehydrated, his face was dry and the most prominent things on his face were the dark puffy bags he had under his eyes. He looked like a broken man, he _felt_ like a broken man. No wonder Will was so worried about him, he did looked like shit like Will said. He took off his t-shirt that he had been wearing for the past couple of days and tossed it into the hamper and took off his pants and stepped into the shower, the scalding water a welcome to his aching body. He scrubbed himself down with soap, needing to feel clean and washed himself. Then his hand seeked out his shampoo, his eyes spotting Erin's own shampoo next to his. He felt tears made his way to his eyes again but he sucked them back in. He couldn't keep breaking down like this, he didn't have time to. He just wanted a quick shower and a change of clothes so he didn't look or smell like a wreck and he wanted to make his way back to the hospital. He'd never forgive himself if Erin woke up and he wasn't there for her.

He dried himself off quickly and finally felt some semblance of a human again after putting on new clothes and he stepped back to his living room, ready to make his way back to the hospital. He still wasn't hungry despite not having eaten in days. He knew his stomach wouldn't be able to take any food right now but he still grabbed a bottle of water and downed half of it quickly, finding it sufficient enough to tide him over. He checked his phone, ready to shoot a text to Voight that he'd be there soon and found multiple messages from his team, all checking up on him and seeing if he needed anything. He paused, his eyes landing on the ornament that he hung back on the tree and without a second thought, he sent Kim a text message, asking her for a favor.

* * *

Neither Will nor Voight looked that surprised to see him return so soon, both of them smartly deciding not to mention it. Will seemed to be just glad that Jay actually left the hospital in the first place and that he didn't look like he was about to fall over anytime soon. Jay just gave them a small tilt of his head in greeting, Voight returning the same as he sat by Erin's side, arms crossed as usual. Jay took his usual seat and held Erin's hand, like he was telling her that he was back and she could actually understand in her state.

"I got to get back," Will said, breaking the quiet atmosphere. "My break is over. I'll check back in later." Jay just nodded, still feeling residual guilt about lashing out at Will earlier although his younger brother didn't seem to be holding any grudges about it towards him. He just gave Jay a smile and a wave before he left the room.

"You can leave too," Jay said to Voight. "I'm here so if you need to get back to the station, you can go." Jay knew that the red tape and bureaucracy of the now high profile case was keeping everyone at the station longer than they wanted and was keeping them from visiting Erin as much as they wanted. He also knew that since Voight was the head of Intelligence, most of the responsibility fell onto him and he felt for the Sergeant, understanding his desire to be by Erin's side.

"I have a few more minutes before I have to be back," Voight replied gruffly. "I don't like the idea of you being here all by yourself."

Jay frowned at his words. "What do you mean?" he asked, almost offended.

Voight just sucked in his cheeks. "I meant it's easy to go stir crazy when you're sitting vigil by a loved one alone. Will told me that you hadn't left her side for two days, not even to take a break. You can't keep doing that Halstead."

"You don't have to worry about me," Jay just retorted, not really knowing how to react to finding out that Voight actually gave a damn about him. He knew he wasn't being fair to his Sergeant, knowing deep down that he actually cared in his own Voight way but to actually hear it being expressed was a whole another thing. "Burgess is coming by in a few minutes on her break."

Voight didn't reply, just kept staring at Jay as though he was looking for something on Jay's face. Finally, Voight relented. "Alright then. I do have to be back at the station." He stood up from his set and leaned over to give Erin a peck on her forehead—a rare moment of vulnerability for Voight—before turning back to Jay. "If anything changes, you let me know. Got it?" Jay just nodded in reply, knowing the protocol.

"Got it."

Kim arrived just as Voight was leaving and the two almost collided in the small doorway. Voight looked at the bag Kim was carrying weirdly before walking out, leaving Jay and Kim together in the room.

"Hey," Kim smiled brightly, trying her best to keep a positive attitude and Jay appreciated it. He needed all the positivity he could get and Kim was trying. "I got the stuff you asked for." She handed him the bag she brought, her face confused at his weird request.

"Thanks," he said sincerely as he opened the bag and pulled out a small Christmas tree that was meant for desk decoration. Kim just watched quietly as Jay placed the silver tree on the small table at the end of Erin's bed. Then he took out the two ornaments he brought from his home and hung it up, the past and future ornaments hung side by side on the small tree, almost filling the whole tree up. He smiled wistfully and he sat back down and held Erin's hand again.

"Look Erin," he said so softly that Kim could barely hear him but it didn't matter, it was meant for only Erin to hear anyway. "I couldn't bring our tree so I brought the next best thing." He dropped his head onto her hand and closed his eyes. Kim got the hint that it was a vulnerable moment for Jay and she quietly stepped out of the room, wanting to give him some privacy, knowing he was a private person and wouldn't appreciate anyone being a witness to seeing him in a weak moment. She could wait to see Erin later, Jay looked like he needed the time.

Jay heard the soft click of the door and he opened his eyes, returning his gaze to Erin as he rested his face on her palm, pressing it close to him. "It's not as big as the Rockefeller tree or as bright but it's still beautiful because it has our ornaments on it. See? The ones you said were like our past and future? I brought them here so you can see them when you wake up. We still have to go to New York and see the Rockefeller tree, don't we? We made plans Erin. Remember? So as soon as you wake up and you're all better, I'm going to take you to see the real thing, we'll be like those cheesy touristy couple that wear matching I love NY shirts while taking a ton of pictures. I promise I'll even smile in those pictures this time. Then we'll go ice skating right there and I promise I won't laugh when you fall because you don't know how to ice skate. We'll have so much fun." He kissed her palm. "And we'll kiss on your rooftop as the ball drop on New Year eve, just like you wanted. Even though it'll be freezing and too cold out, we'll stick it out so we can ring in the New Year together. We're going to have an amazing life Erin. That's a promise. All you have to do is wake up." He would promise her the world, if only she would wake up.

* * *

It was afternoon again, yet another day had gone by without any changes in Erin's state. Jay was still there by her side, still holding on hope that today would be the day that she would wake up. The members of both Intelligence and SVU had made their visits during various times throughout the night and day, just sneaking in whenever they had a break to check up on both Erin and Jay. Kim had even managed to force Jay into eating something, a sandwich she had brought for him and he complied, only to thank Kim for bringing him the Christmas tree like he asked, and he ate the sandwich, not even tasting it. Nothing would taste good for him right now, not even coffee. He hadn't even touched the liquid since he was here, not needing the caffeine to stay awake like he usually did, the thought of missing when Erin woke up too harrowing for him and motivating him to stay awake without any additional outside stimulation.

At least he was warmer now though, remembering to bring a jacket with him when he went home to take a shower. That was all the comfort he needed. That and the small Christmas tree he had by Erin's feet. But the warmth had lulled him into almost a deep sleep and he felt himself dozing off for a couple of minutes. But he jerked awake quickly after getting another nightmare again and he sat up fast in his chair. He groaned, rubbing his eyes and stretching his body while he remained sitting in the chair. He twisted and turned in the seat, doing his best to stretch his body and fight against the aching he was feeling and he turned back around, his eyes widening in utter shock and his heart stopping when he saw Erin's eyes. Her eyes that were opened and staring blankly ahead, unblinking.


	24. Chapter 24

Another long chapter but there is a specific point I wanted to be at for the story. After all Christmas is in like three days! Enjoy!

* * *

Chapter 24

"I need help here!" Jay shouted at the nurse after running out of Erin's room. The nurse on duty rushed over to him, questioning him about what he was screaming about. "Erin, she's awake!" Jay answered quickly, his heart jumping out of his chest at the surprise. Despite waiting all this time for Erin to wake up, having it finally happen was almost unexpected, taking him off guard.

"I'll page the doctor," The nurse replied, rushing over to the counter to do so before following Jay inside the room, Jay leading the way. He stopped in his steps when he got back inside the room and found Erin's eyes closed again, as though she never woke up in the first place. He frowned, blinking several times to make sure what he was seeing was right.

"I swear her eyes were open just a minute ago!" Jay started sputtering, seeing the confused look on the nurse's face. Connor came in to the room then, excited look on his face at the good news. His grin quickly dropped after seeing Erin in the same position as before. "She was just awake!" Jay repeated, confused and baffled. He _knew_ he saw Erin with her eyes open, staring out ahead. He knew he didn't imagine it, at least he didn't think he did.

"Alright," Connor said, trying to calm Jay down. "Let me check Erin out." Jay was still breathing hard, his heart dropping like it was falling off the ledge. He had gotten his hopes up and he was so happy that Erin was alright—that she was finally awake—and now he felt like he was going crazy. He couldn't even be a hundred percent sure now that his eyes weren't playing tricks on him. He watched in shuddering silence as Connor checked Erin's pupils, scanning his eyes over her body as the nurse read off her vitals. Jay ran his fingers through his head as he waited for news.

"She was awake," he repeated, not knowing what else to say. "I swear, her eyes were open! She woke up."

Connor finally finished his inspection and stepped toward Jay, a tight smile on his face. "Jay," he started.

"I'm not going crazy," Jay said, defending himself. "I know what I saw."

Connor held his hand up, "I know," he said calmly. "But Erin's not awake yet."

"But her eyes were open!"

"I believe you," Connor said. "It can happen in coma patient. It just means that she's making progress, she's fighting her way back. She is not fully out of the coma yet but it's a good sign."

Jay rubbed his face, not knowing exactly how to feel. On one hand, it was good that there was finally progress. On the other, he couldn't deny the huge disappointment he felt after being so relieved thinking Erin was finally awake. "She's okay though right?" Connor nodded. "She's going to wake up?"

"It's a major progress," Connor said, giving Jay a small smile. "She's strong and she's resilient. Just keeping holding onto that." Jay just nodded, eyes attached back onto Erin as Connor left after giving Jay a pat on the back.

Jay returned back to his seat, almost dejectedly and took the same position as he had been in for the past three days. He sighed, rubbing his face again. It was like he just deflated after what happened. He had been trying so hard to stay positive and just telling himself over and over again that Erin was going to wake up. Then he finally saw her eyes opened and his heart jumped, hopes filling his body. Now that he had gotten confirmation that it was just false alarm for now, it took everything that was left in his tired and aching body. He held Erin's hands and buried his face in them.

"You're doing so good Erin," he said, trying to keep his voice positive. "You're fighting so hard. So just keep fighting okay? I'm right here. I'll be here." There was little chance to Erin could actually hear him but if there was a one percent chance that she actually could, he wanted to make sure that she heard him be strong and encouraging, not defeated and heartbroken that he actually was. He wanted to get rid of that feeling. If his girl was fighting, then he needed to do his share and remained strong for her.

* * *

The first time she came around, she felt like she was underwater, everything was muffled and muted and she was having trouble taking in a normal breath. Her eyes were closed but she heard some indistinct sounds around her, sounds she couldn't make out. She wasn't sure if those were voices or just random noises, everything just sounded muffled and confusing. She wanted to call out for help but couldn't make any noise.

The second time was a little bit better but she still felt like she was underwater. She was trying her hardest to break to the surface and get some air, still unable to take a normal breath. Only this time she was able to notice something shoved down her throat, preventing her from breathing like normal. She's panicked but was unable to move her body properly. The only movement she could make was small wiggles in her fingers—more reflexive than purposeful—as she felt something holding her hand.

After what felt like countless cycles of gaining some consciousness before being pulled back under, Erin finally felt like she could see the surface of the deep ocean. Her eyes finally opened but everything was blurry around her. She was confused, not knowing where she was or what happened to her. All she could notice was the painful sensation down her throat, like something was shoved in it and it prevented her from taking a deep breath like she needed. She gasped, trying to take in a breath, and she heard indistinct noise coming somewhere else in the vicinity. The voice sounded familiar although she couldn't make out any of the words. She felt her hand being tugged and lifted up off the bed but she was too weak to protest or do anything else except blink a few times to clear her vision and let her hand be moved. Then the sensation moved to her forehead and she felt something cold touch her face before traveling to her head, moving her hair back. The action was almost comforting and it calmed her down during this confused state. It quelled the panic that was rising in her chest at her current predicament, not knowing what was going on around her.

"Erin?" She wanted to move her head to where the sound was coming from, the voice sounding familiar but she couldn't. Everything was still fuzzy around her but it was becoming more clearer by the minute, slowly but surely. Finally a face came into her view and she blinked, taking in the relieved looking face of Jay—unshed tears threatening to fall out of his eyes. She wanted to say something but couldn't, the breathing tube still preventing her to do so. All she could do was blink a couple more times, her vision regaining its clarity with each movement. She was still confused, unable to take in everything that was happening around her. She saw Jay bent down and kissed her forehead, happiness written all over his face when he pulled away before saying something to her that she couldn't make out completely. Then he was gone and she heard his shouts a few feet away.

He quickly returned to her eyesight and she felt her hand being held again. Then she heard more voices filled the room and she felt Jay being pulled away, her hand separating from his. She wanted to reach back out, wanting the comfort that she had earlier but she was unable to reach out to him and still unable to voice her desire.

Then her attention was pulled to the other faces that surrounded her bedside and she focused on them. Everything was becoming more coherent to Erin as time went by and she felt herself being poke and prodded, the medical staff examining her. She processed the simple commands given by Connor and she did her best to follow them, some commands proving more difficult than others. She was still confused and there was a pounding in her head that was painful but she didn't feel like she was underwater anymore.

"Okay good job Erin," she heard Connor say, an encouraging smile on his face and she saw Jay somewhere in the periphery but she couldn't see him completely. "We're going to do some more tests and then we can try and remove the tube from your throat okay? That might make you feel more comfortable. Blink once if you can understand." She complied.

Erin felt herself getting tired after what felt like endless amount of trying to follow the doctor's command and enduring endless amount of poking of her body. Finally she got what she wished for the second she woke up, the breathing tube was removed from her throat. She felt like she could take in a normal breath for the first time and she did just that, a small smile made its way on her face at the sensation. Then she felt a mask being put on, to further help her breathe but she'd take the mask over the tube any day.

"Everything is looking good Erin," Connor said as she settled back down on the bed, her hand being held by Jay again as he sat by her beside. Only this time Erin was able to turn her head and look at him. He gave her a blinding smile when he met her eyes and she returned a small one, the most she could manage at the moment. "Your vitals are strong, you did well on the neurological exam. You're not completely out of the woods but I have every confidence that you'll pull through." Erin could only nod.

"How are you feeling?" Jay asked her as he ran his fingers softly through her hair, Erin relaxing at his touch.

She reached up to pull the mask off of her face so she could answer. "Tired. Sleepy," she answered honestly. Her voice was hoarse and there was a little soreness in her throat. She felt like she could've slept for days despite apparently having done just that for days.

"Is that normal?" Jay asked Connor, concern palpable in his voice.

"Completely normal," Connor replied, reassuring both Jay and Erin. "Your body and brain have been through a lot. It's normal to feel tired and sleepy. It's important to listen to your body and rest when you need to."

"You hear that?" She heard Jay and she frowned, knowing that he just got full permission to completely hover her now. It wasn't as though she could've protested as much anyways, her body was aching all over and she felt like the weakest she ever felt in her life. The last time she could recall feeling like this was the last time she was in the hospital, only she was more scared back then. But seeing Jay's smiling face on her side brought her relief like she never thought possible, he was her wall, her calming force.

"Alright," Connor chuckled, "I'll be back to check in on you later and we want to do some more neurological tests when you're feeling a bit more capable. Rest your body Erin." He ordered and all Erin could do was nod. "It's great to have you back. You have a lot of people waiting for you." He winked at her, smiling genuinely as he left the room.

She turned to Jay, peeling off the mask to talk. "Jay, can you tell me what happened?" Her voice still didn't sound like her which wasn't exactly surprising, considering she hadn't talked in over three days.

She heard Jay sighed, an undecipherable look coming over his face. "Maybe when you're feeling better Erin." She shook her head, she wanted to know now. She needed to know now. Her memory of what happened was fuzzy and she wasn't sure what was real and what was her imagination. The last clear memory she had was being captured in the room with Jenny and Stan threatening to blow up the house. Everything else after that was a complete blank.

"Tell me," she repeated sternly. She began coughing after that, having exerted too much energy. Jay grabbed the hand that was holding the mask and brought it back to her face, allowing her to get some much needed oxygen in her lungs.

"Please keep it on," Jay begged, his hands still holding the mask for her. "I can't take hearing you in pain." Erin covered his hands with her and nodded. But her eyes remained on his, gesturing him to tell her what happened.

Jay sighed again, giving into her request. "Okay," he relented. "But if it gets to be too much for you, let me know and I can stop okay?" She nodded. "You were abducted by Stan from the rollup. Ruzek's friend, Maloney, he was working for Stan and he was helping him. That's how Stan was able to get to you. The whole video and his childhood home was a diversion so he got you alone." Jay closed his eyes, recalling the hell that they had been through. "When I got to the rollup and found you gone, I lost it. I've never been so scared in my whole entire life," he confessed, voice shaky. "We did everything we could to find out where you were and we couldn't find you in time." She held his hand that was tightly gripping her sheets, hoping to ease his obvious distress. "And when we finally figured out where you were and got to the location, we saw you fall out of the second story window." Now the tears that were threatening to fall out of Jay's eyes finally spilled over after recalling the memory of Erin falling through the window. "It was the most horrible thing I've ever saw," he said, tears falling onto Erin's hand. "I can't get it out of my head. I felt so helpless, watching you hit the ground. Then I saw Stan got up and pointed his gun at you and I just completely lost it."

She pulled her mask off. "You killed him? How's Jenny?"

He nodded. "I shot him, several times. He's dead. Jenny's fine. She's alright, thanks to you." Erin felt nothing but relief at Jay's words, knowing that Jenny was fine and that Stan was finally dead. She did feel sorry for him at one time but after what he did to his parents—murdering them in cold blood—all resemblance of compassion and empathy for him was gone. Stan would've killed her and Jenny if he got his way, he was a cold blooded killer. That was a fact.

"Thank you," she said sincerely.

Jay shook his head immediately. "Don't thank me," he protested, guilt written all over his face. "I was too late to save you. I should've figured it out earlier. I never should've left you behind." He dropped his face onto her hand and her heart broke for him, seeing the pain he was going through.

"Jay," she whispered coarsely, "It's not your fault!" She exclaimed the best she could, hoping to get through him. "You saved me. You killed Stan."

"If I had lost you," Jay said, voice broken. "Or if you never woke up, I don't know what I'd do. How I could've go on." Erin wanted to do nothing more than embrace the broken man by her side, unfairly blaming himself for things that were out of his control.

"I'm here," Erin reassured him, gripping his hands as best she could, still not having full strength. "I'm alright." Jay stood up and pressed his lips on her forehead, lingering there for a while. She felt his beating heart as he leaned over her and she wanted to do nothing more than just be in his arms.

"I love you," he whispered, his face inches from hers. "So much." She saw the sincerity in his eyes mixed with the pain and relief swirled in them. His eyes always told the whole story.

"I love you too."

He smiled widely at her reply. "I never thought I'd be able to hear you say those words again," he whispered, faces close together as he studied her. "I was so scared." He was still studying her closely and reached down to bring the mask back on her face. "I know you're tired so just rest Erin," he ordered, caressing her face. "I'll be here. Just sleep."

That was the easiest request she had to follow.

* * *

He couldn't stop staring. Staring and counting as his eyes remained on her sleeping body. He watched for every sign that something wasn't right, his brain counted every rise and fall of her chest, like he was waiting for something to go wrong. Despite Connor's repeated reassurance that Erin was doing better than expected for having come out of a coma, he was still holding in his breath, anxiety in his chest. She had been sleeping for hours already after first waking up and he was worried enough that he had called for Connor, who had reassured him that it was completely fine and normal for Erin to sleep for a long time. And that being in a coma wasn't the same thing as being asleep. Who knew?

In the time she remained peacefully sleeping, he had given the good news to Voight and everyone on their team, all of them relieved and overjoyed. Then one by one they had made their visits, Voight and Kim having stayed the longest. Jay had made sure that they didn't wake her up in their celebration, following Connor's orders to let her rest as much as she needed. Then they were called back to the station, still tying up loose ends. Adam had told him what was going on back at the district and why they were still not finished with the case. That because of how the case went so public with the press conference and tip line, there had been a lot more eyes on the case so the Ivory Tower had been on their backs, making sure that every i's were dotted and t's were crossed. It was almost as though his team was the criminal in the case, having to answer to every investigative questions and inquiries by IAD. Jay felt bad upon hearing that, like he abandoned his team. But Adam had reassured him that everyone understood, that Adam would be the same if it was Kim and everyone was just sorry that he lost his badge, for the moment anyway. Adam hinted on something was in the works about his badge but he didn't really pay attention to it, he wasn't going to get his hopes up at the long shot.

Erin finally stirred and he sat up more, moving closer to her. She opened her eyes slowly and looked around the room, smiling softly when she saw him.

"Hey," he smiled, running his hand through her hair. "How you feeling?"

She shrugged. "Okay," she answered, pulling off her mask. "I don't need this anymore," she told Jay when he moved to put it back on her. "I feel better without it." He nodded, wanting her to be as comfortable as she could be.

"Okay," he smiled again.

"How long had I been sleeping?" Erin asked groggily.

"A few hours," Jay replied. "Like about 7." Her eyes widened at his answer. He chuckled at seeing her reaction. "It's okay babe. You're supposed to sleep as much as you can so you can get better faster. Voight stopped by earlier. Everyone did but they didn't want to wake you up. But they'll be back later."

She nodded, smiling after hearing about her team. "Everyone is okay right?"

If it was more possible, he loved her even more then. She was always more concerned with other people rather than herself. "Yeah, everyone's great. They're excited to see you."

"Hmm," she gave a small hum, still sounding tired. As much as he knew that it was normal, he couldn't stop worrying about her. She looked so weak and fragile lying in the bed and he just wanted to protect her, take her away from anymore bad things happening to her. As he was studying her, looking for any sign of a problem, it seemed that she was doing the same to him. She frowned when she saw the state he was in, finally noticing his tired eyes and dark eye bags. "Are you okay?"

He smiled, kissing her palm. "I'm great." She looked like she didn't believe him and she lifted her hand, gesturing for him to get closer to her. So he leaned closer to her, resting his face in her hand just like she wanted. "Erin, I'm the happiest man in the world right now because you're okay." He kissed her hand again. "I promise," he spoke into her skin.

She looked like she still didn't believe him but she didn't have the energy to protest so she let it go. It wasn't as though he was lying. Despite the hell he had been through the past four days from the moment he found Erin missing to watching her fall to her finally waking up, everything was alright because she was awake and she was alright. That was all he needed, he didn't care about his own well-being or the torture his body and mind had been through.

Erin shifted and her eyes landed on the Christmas tree that was by her feet—the one that Jay had brought for her. She gasped with surprise at seeing the tree and their ornaments hanging on it. He followed her eyesight and smiled when he saw the tree himself.

"Jay," she said, her voice filled with awe. He smiled widely, intertwining his fingers with hers.

"I couldn't bring the real thing so I brought the next best thing," he explained. "I wanted you to see it when you wake up." Her eyes welled up at the thoughtful gesture. "You like it?"

She nodded, tear falling down her face. "I love it," she smiled. He returned her smile as he reached up to wipe her tear away. "Tear of happiness," she clarified, chuckling softly. "Thank you."

"You know I'd do anything for you," he told her, completely sincere. He'd go to the end of the earth for this girl, do anything to put a smile on her face.

* * *

The calm atmosphere between the two was interrupted when Erin was taken in for multitude of tests. Jay couldn't do anything but sit by and wait for her to return to the room. Voight and Olivia had arrived and the three waited in silence as they waited for Erin to get back, both of them anxious to finally see Erin awake.

"Connor said the initial tests came back good," Jay supplied, wanting to break the quiet atmosphere. Plus he wanted to share the good news. It seemed as though they had dodged a bullet when it came to Erin's injury. Despite her falling into a coma, her brain was doing well, better than expected, according to Connor. She was able to follow simple commands and pass the neurological tests Connor had put her through. She was talking more and more and she no longer needed assistance to help her breathe. That restrictive feeling that Jay had in his chest was slowly easing with every test Erin passed with flying color. Now they just had to wait for the results from the X-rays, CT scan and MRI that Erin needed to take.

"That's great news," Olivia replied while Voight opting to remain quiet. Jay knew the Sergeant was just anxious to Erin, not feeling the need to make small talk. He didn't blame the man for that, knowing he'd be the same if he hadn't gotten a chance to see with his own eyes that Erin was alright either. "Best news I've heard all day." Jay smiled at her.

Finally Erin was wheeled back in the room, a bright smile immediately came over her face at seeing the new arrivals. After she was settled, she reached out to them, opening her arms. Olivia was the first to hug Erin, rubbing her back gently. Voight was more careful in doing so, claiming he didn't want to mess with the wires and machines that she was still connected to. She rolled her eyes and hugged him tighter.

"Glad to see you awake kiddo," Voight said gruffly like he was holding back emotion. "You had us scared for a minute there." Olivia was gently rubbing Erin's hand as they sat on the other side of her bed, Jay on the other. He knew he should've given them some privacy but he was having a hard time tearing himself from her side. But the look on Olivia and Voight's faces didn't show that they minded his presence in the room at all. Small progress as far as he was concerned when it came to Voight's opinion of Jay being in Erin's life.

"I'm sorry."

"What are you sorry for?" Voight retorted. "It's not like you chose to get kidnapped." Erin rolled her eyes again, the blunt nature of the older man was welcomed. It made things feel normal for everyone.

"How are you feeling really?"

"Okay," Erin replied to Olivia's question. "I'm still tired despite having slept for hours. I have a small headache but it's nothing like the pounding like before. My thigh hurts a bit but I guess that's just comes with being shot."

"What did the doctor say?"

"That she's doing even better than expected," Jay answered for Erin, not wanting to tire her out even more. She gave him a grateful smile. "The neurological exam was good. She still has to spend a few more days in the hospital so they can keep an eye on her, make sure everything is fine. And she'll probably need physical therapy when she gets discharged but honestly, considering the worst case scenario, she's doing amazing."

"Hmm," Voight grunted, crossing his arms. "I'll feel at ease when we get the results from the brain scans." Jay didn't argue or tried to change Voight's mind, considering he felt the same. While it was great news that Erin seemed to be doing better, he still wanted confirmation from tests—actual proof—that she'll be completely fine. He didn't think he would be able to completely relax until then, if he'd be able to relax even then.

"I heard things are crazy at the station." Jay grimaced inside when Erin brought up the station. He still hadn't told her about him losing his badge and he wasn't sure how to start, knowing Erin would be pissed and he didn't want to stress her out.

Voight gave Jay a quick glance. "Yeah," he replied, keeping the answer short.

"What's going on?"

"Just typical Ivory Tower bullshit," Voight replied, "You know how it goes." Erin wasn't satisfied with the answer and asked for more details. Voight sighed. "We had to go public with case so we could out where you were," Voight explained. "You know how the department is already under heavy eyes so whenever the public's involved, they all get their panties in a twist and want to control everything. So the team is stuck making sure that their reports show that they followed protocols and did everything by the books."

Erin frowned, knowing what it was like to have the Ivory Tower on her back. "You don't have to go?" she asked Jay, realizing that Jay had been by her side the entire time.

Jay avoided her eyes, hoping that she wouldn't ask that dreaded question. He exchanged looks with Voight and Olivia who were just waiting to see how he'd answer. "Um…" he started, not knowing how to. "I don't actually."

"Why not?"

"I kind of gave up my badge." Erin's eyes widened at his answer and she tried to sit up, groaning in pain at the movement. He quickly got up to settle her back down, calming her down. "Erin, it's okay." He repeated, trying to get her to calm down. He didn't want her to hurt herself.

She coughed, getting worked up, and she rubbed her chest, trying to ease the ache she felt there. He tried to help and she finally calmed down. "What happened?" she asked, her voice raspy. "What do you mean you gave up your badge?"

He licked his lips, taking his time to think about what to say. "They wanted me to go down to the Ivory Tower and I didn't." She gave him a pointed look, knowing he wasn't telling her whole story. "I wasn't going to leave your side," he finally answered. "You were unconscious and we didn't know if you were going to be okay or not. I wasn't going down to Ivory Tower then to give some stupid statement about shooting Stan. So I told the Commander that they could have my badge when he threatened to strip me."

"Jay," she rasped, frowning. "You shouldn't have done that."

Jay just shrugged, holding her hand. "I don't regret it," he stated. "I wasn't going to leave your side. You're more important."

"But it's your badge," Erin reasoned, tone still unbelieving. "I don't want you to lose your badge because of me."

He leaned forward, forgetting that Voight and Olivia were in the room. "I don't care about my badge," Jay said, pushing her hair back. "You're the most important person in my life Erin. I was going to be here for you no matter what. They weren't going to keep me from you." Erin reached up to cup his face, thumbing through his stubble. "I'm okay," he said, reassuring her. He could tell by her face that she still felt bad.

Olivia cleared her throat, interrupting the moment and both of them blushed, finally remembering that they weren't alone in the room. Jay could've smacked himself. He wasn't one to let other people see his emotions that easily, Erin really being the only one that brought out that side of him. And he especially didn't want Voight of all people to catch him in that moment. Voight was just looking at them, studying with keen eyes and crossed arms, face unreadable.

"There has to be a way to get your badge back," Erin said, looking over to Voight and Olivia for help. "They have to give him a second chance. It was in the heat of the moment."

"Erin, it's okay," Jay said, not wanting Erin to get worked up again. "I did it by choice. If I get to do it over again, I'll do it over again."

"Jay," she said, glaring at him the best she can. "It's your career. It's not some frivolous thing. How come you're not freaking out more about this?" Jay glanced quickly over at Olivia, the job offer on his mind. He didn't want to tell Erin in front of Voight though, not knowing how the man would react to Jay moving to New York to be with Erin. He wanted to tell her in private, see what Erin thought about it and make their decision together.

"I'll be fine," Jay just replied. She started to protest again, worried about him.

"I'm working on it," Voight's gruff voice interrupted them. Jay's head snapped up, looking at his former boss. The other man didn't elaborate further.

"What do you mean?"

"Like I said, I'm working on it," he repeated, "I'm not making any guarantee but," he shrugged, indicating that there was probably some Voight way involved in getting Jay's badge back.

"Thanks Serg but really you don't have to."

Erin scoffed, glaring at him again. He tried to contain his smile at her expression, knowing it would just piss her off even more. But he couldn't help it. Even with Erin pouting and glaring at him, he couldn't contain his happiness at seeing any of emotions on her face, her being awake and slowing returning back to the fiery spitball she was. "Thank you Hank," she said pointedly.

"Speaking of which, you'll need to show your face at the precinct sometimes Halstead," Voight ordered, stopping Jay from protesting. "I've given you space and left you alone when Erin was still unconscious but now that she's awake, you can tear yourself away from her from an hour." Jay just nodded to stop the conversation, having no intention to actually follow Voight's order.

The phone rang, indicating that it was time for Voight and Olivia to get back. Voight sighed, putting his phone back in his pocket after reading the message that came through. "We got to get back," he said. He stood up, bending over to give Erin a kiss on her forehead. "I'm glad you're awake kid." She smiled at him, understanding his relief that she did come out of the coma unlike Justin. Maybe if they were alone, he'd be more comfortable showing his affection.

"Thanks Hank."

Olivia did the same, hugging Erin tightly. "Good to have you back Erin. I can't wait until you're back on your feet completely." Erin just nodded, just as eager to be out of the hospital too.

Erin turned to Jay after Voight and Olivia left—with a promise that others would definitely make their visits soon—giving him a pointed look. Jay knew he was in trouble whenever Erin gave him that look.

"Jay," she started. "You have to get your badge back. I mean, it's your career. What are you going to do without it?" Jay held her hand, knowing that it was a good time to tell her.

He leaned forward, resting his elbows on her bed. "Well, what do you think about me joining the SVU?" She looked surprised at his question. "Olivia offered me a job."

"She did?" Jay nodded. "What did you tell her?"

"Nothing concrete just yet," he replied. "I wanted to talk it over with you and see what you think? I know we talked about me moving to New York and everything but I don't know. I don't want to push you too fast or feel like I'm crowding into your space, taking the job where you work."

She shook her head, reaching up to touch his face. "Jay, that sounds amazing," she said, smiling. He returned her smile, relieved that she was for the idea. He didn't want to push Erin or made her feel like he was moving things too fast. It was one thing for him to move to New York but he was afraid that she might feel pressured if he took the job at her workplace too. "But," he looked at her apprehensively. "I still want you to fight for your badge back." The look of question was clear on his face. "Otherwise you'd regret it."

"What do you mean?"

"Jay, you're a great detective and you worked so hard to get this far in your career," she started. "Don't let a heat of a moment mistake erase all that."

"Erin," he was going to protest again that it wasn't a mistake but she held up her hand, stopping him.

"You know what I regretted most when I was stripped?" He remained quiet, waiting for her to elaborate. "That I didn't fight hard enough for my badge. I didn't regret what I did to that pedophile and I would've done the same thing again if it meant I could've saved that little boy's life. But I should've fought harder to keep my badge, make them see that I was a damn good cop and I deserve to keep my badge because I was trying to protect the people I took an oath to protect."

He caressed her hand, knowing it was a hard topic for her to talk about. It was a dark moment in both of their lives, both of them were lost without each other.

"I don't want you to have the same regret," she continued. "I'd love it if you moved to New York and the idea of working side by side with you again, it's a dream come true Jay. But I want you to do it on your terms. Don't let some jerk Commander force you out. You earned that badge, you deserve that badge so fight for it." He took in her words, letting them rattle in his head. He knew she had a point and she knew him so well. Despite all his best attempts to deny it, he knew that if he just left without putting up some sort of a fight, he'd regret it like he failed himself. He needed to try and get his badge back or at least try.

"Okay," he conceded, earning a smile from her. "I'll fight." She showed him the dimples that he loved so much and he couldn't stop himself any longer. He stood up and leaned it for a kiss on her lips, missing kissing her so much. He felt like it had been ages since their lips last touched. He felt her smile into the kiss and he pressed closer, their lips moving slowly against each other. He didn't want to push her too much, still minding her injury but he could no longer held back his affections for her. "I love you," he muttered against her lips, pulling back to look at her in the eyes, pushing her hair back.

She smiled, returning his sentiments. "Get some rest," he told her, noticing the tired look she had again. "I'll be here." He reassured her again. He wanted to make sure that she knew that he wasn't leaving her side.

"Okay," she murmured. "But you have to get some rest too. You're looking a little rough there Halstead." He raised his eyebrows.

"Look at me. Are you saying you don't find me hot?" he teased.

"Not with those eye bags on your face," she retorted, laughing. He kissed her again, loving that she was feeling good enough for their usual banter even though she still looked exhausted. He could listen to her laugh forever, it was the most beautiful sound to him and it wiped away all the fatigue and stress he was feeling as long as he could hear her laugh. "I'm serious," she said. "Go home and get some rest."

He shook his head. "I can sleep right here." He pointed to the chair. "Trust me Erin, I'll get more sleep in that chair than I'll get in our bed." She sighed, giving in, too tired to fight with him on the topic any longer. "Get some rest," he said, kissing her forehead and slowly running his thumb on her forehead, trying to lull her into a peaceful sleep.

* * *

Erin was woken up by distressed sounds coming from her side. She opened her eyes and found Jay sleeping on the chair, head propped by his arm. He was muttering some incoherent words in his sleep, body moving like he was in distress. He looked like he was in agony, too caught up in whatever he was battling in his sleep.

"Jay," Erin called out, hoping to wake him up from his nightmare but he didn't hear her. "Jay!" she tried as loud as she could but her voice was still too weak. She grunted, slowly sitting up so she can reach him and she shook him gently. "Jay, wake up." She tried again.

Jay suddenly woke up, grabbing Erin's arm that was shaking him awake. His eyes snapped open and he was breathing hard. "Jay?" Her voice finally broke him out of his dream and his eyes landed on her, wide and unblinking.

"Erin," he breathed out, sounding so scared. He stood up from his chair and pressed his lips against her forehead until his lips turned white—like he needed to make sure she was still there.

"Jay, I'm okay," she reassured him, landing her handson his chest—her hand feeling his heart pounding. "I'm here." His lips were still on her forehead, like he couldn't bear to pull away—like she might disappear the second he did. "Jay?" Then suddenly, he dropped his head into the crevice of her neck and her arms went around him immediately. He was shaking and trembling as he buried his face further into her neck. She wanted to take away his pain, her heart hurting at seeing him like this. She shushed comforting sound to his ear. "It's okay babe. I'm okay. I'm here." She kept on repeating those words, hoping that he could hear her. She kissed the shell of his ear and he tightened his hold on her.

Finally he regained control of himself and he pulled back, her arms reluctantly pulling away from him. "I'm sorry," he murmured, rubbing his eyes.

"It's okay," she rested her hand on his chest, wanting to ease his pain. "You just had a nightmare." He sat back down on the chair and he looked so exhausted. She really wished that he'd listen to her and go home and get a proper rest—a much needed one looking at him. "Jay, are you okay?"

He rubbed his face then his head harshly, messing up his hair. "Yeah," he stuttered out. "Just a bad dream." He didn't need to specify, his reaction made it clear that his nightmare was about her. "I can't stop them." She held out her hand, waiting for him to grab it and she brought it to her chest.

"Jay, I'm okay," she reassured him. "You heard what Connor said. My tests, all my scans, were fine. I'm fine. I'm going to be okay." He nodded, taking in her words. She knew that he was still not completely okay. "Come here," she scooted over in her bed, patting the empty space next to her. He looked at her unsure. "It's okay babe."

"I don't want to hurt you."

"You can never hurt me," she reassured him, pulling him up. "I want your arms around me. I need you." She knew she wasn't playing fair, knowing that he'd do anything to make sure she got everything she needed. She did need him close to her, she wanted to quell his fear, protect him from his nightmare. She wanted to be as close as she could be to him, so maybe he'd start believing that she really was feeling alright, that she was going to be fine. He made his way over to her and got in the bed slowly, minding the wires she had on her arms. She sighed contentedly as he leaned back onto the bed and she laid on his chest, his arms coming around her like an armor protecting her from the world. She felt him land a kiss on her head and she smiled, playing idly with his fingers that were resting on her stomach. "Thank you."

He kissed her hair again. "I should be thanking you." She tilted her head so she could see him. "I know you're just doing this more for my benefit. Thank you," he whispered into her hair. She shifted a bit so she can rest her hand on his chest, feeling his heart still beating fast but slowly calming down from the super fast pace it was before. "I'm so happy you're okay." She smiled, stroking her hand on his chest in a soft rhythm, hoping to subdue his fears and ease him back into an easy sleep. She was tired and sleepy but she didn't want to fall back asleep just yet when she knew Jay was still awake. So she just continued her action, softly brushing her hand over and over again until she felt him drift off. She turned her head to the side as best she can, pressing her lips softly on his chest before she followed him into sleep.

* * *

"Hey there she is!" She smiled brightly as her team filled the small room one by one, all coming forward to give her a hug.

"Hi there partner," Dodds said, hugging her tightly and kissing her head. "I've missed you." She returned the same, holding Dodd's hands. "It didn't feel right being out there without you."

"How you feeling Lindsay?" Kevin asked, holding up the flower they brought for her. Flowers weren't really her thing but she still appreciated the gesture. She pointed to the empty space on the table as pretty much every other space was filled with more bouquets sent by various people. She seriously could've opened a flower shop with how many bouquets that was in her room. She appreciated the gestures, touched by people's thoughtfulness but if she was being honest, even the most beautiful flower arrangement didn't hold a candle to the Christmas tree Jay had brought her, still standing by the end of her bed so she can see it at all times.

"You gonna be okay?" Erin nodded, patting Kevin's arms. "Good. You had us worried there."

"Sorry," she offered. Kim stepped forward, tears in her eyes. Erin opened up her arms and her best friend flew into them, clutching Erin tightly, openly crying.

"I'm so happy you're okay," Kim sobbed, holding Erin. "I was so worried." Erin patted Kim's back, comforting the younger woman. "You are okay right?" Erin nodded.

"Yeah I've been through so many tests ever since I woke up and everything looks good," Erin replied.

"Good to hear," Fin said, kissing the side of her head. "Can't wait to have you back squirt. We're missing your toughness." Erin chuckled, hugging Fin.

"Jesse and Billie are going to thrilled to hear that you're alright," Amanda said, talking about her two daughters. "They called last night wondering when we're going to be back and you can have your tea party with them."

"Tea party?" Jay asked, a grin on his face. "A princess tea party?"

She gave him a glare, knowing that he was already picturing the image in his head. She didn't need anyone to know that maybe she had pretend tea parties with Amanda's two daughters every so often. She'd never hear the end of it.

"That sounds adorable," Jay teased, the grin still on his face despite Erin's glare.

"Whoa! Looks like there's party going on here!" Will exclaimed as he walked into the room, squeezing by people in the cramped room. "And I wasn't invited?"

"Yet you're here," Jay retorted dryly, earning an eye roll from Will.

"Well, I heard the good news that sleeping beauty was awake so I came for my kiss," Will said, stepping forward to greet Erin. He kissed her forehead and he leaned in, his head to the side. Erin chuckled before pecking his cheek, Will grinning widely while Jay rolled his eyes at his brother's antic.

"Watch it!" Jay warned, trying to look as serious as he could but he was having a hard time, the cheerful atmosphere putting him in a good mood.

"How you doing?" Erin nodded, indicating she was doing fine to Will. "Yeah you're probably getting annoyed answering that question huh?" She just shrugged, causing him to chuckle. "Well you better get used to it because there are a lot of people that are worried about you. You have a lot of people caring about you Erin. Lucky girl." She gazed over at Jay, catching his eyes. She looked around the room, seeing her team and the love that they were showering her with. She truly felt like the luckiest girl in the world, knowing she had her team on her side. She felt Jay's hand on her arm and she intertwined her fingers with his and he beamed at her, looking better than he did the night before. She had Jay, that was all the luck she needed.

* * *

It was an uphill battle but she had finally managed to convince Jay to leave the hospital to go to the station and hear Voight out on how to get his badge back. He didn't want to leave her alone so she took the opportunity when Platt showed up to visit her. Finally with Trudy's help—the Sergeant practically shoving Jay out the door saying all she needed was the multiple HBO Channels the hospital had to keep Erin company—she had managed to convince Jay to go, only failing to convince him to go home also. So Jay had kissed her goodbye and left, looking back several times and she promised many times to call him if she needed something.

The desk Sergeant was unusually emotional, apologizing to Erin for falling for Stan's diversion. Erin reassured her that it wasn't her fault, it was no one's except Stan's. Still seeing that side of Platt was strange, even though it wasn't the first time Erin had seen it and she knew she was one of the very few Trudy showed that side of herself to.

Then Kim had shown up, her emotions more in control than the last time she saw her best friend. Platt had left by then, needing to get back to her desk but subtly threatening Kim to take care of Erin or she'd face the wrath of her. Erin chuckled, knowing that Trudy was harmless and she just enjoyed messing with Kim because she always gave her the reactions Trudy wanted.

"How are you doing really?" Kim asked, sitting on the edge of Erin's bed, holding Erin's hand.

"I'm good, honestly." Erin replied. She really was doing better. She was still tired most of the time, she still felt weak but she actually felt okay. Much better than she expected to be, coming out of a coma. Her body was still aching from the fall but she was just thanking her lucky stars that she didn't get much worse injuries, her mind automatically going to the last time she was in the hospital and getting the news that she might never walk again. Somehow by some miracle, she managed to not fuck up her spine even more and Connor reassured her that with physical therapy, she'd be back to her old self. That was all the good news she needed.

"Good," the younger woman smiled. "Do you need anything? You must be bored in that bed. I can go get some trashy magazines? Or a book? Anything you need, just say the word."

"I'm fine Kim. Thank you."

"We were so worried," Kim said, her voice dropping. "It was so scary when we found you missing. Jay completely went crazy and nobody could blame him. We were just working as hard as we could to find you but everywhere we searched, we came up empty. Until Jay finally figured it out."

Erin didn't know that. Jay didn't tell her that he was the one who figured out where she was. "Jay was the one who found out where I was?"

"Yeah," Kim replied. "He was so determined to find you." Erin took the information in. It wasn't as though the information was exactly a surprise, she knew that Jay would have stopped at nothing to find her. He really was her hero.

"My hero," she said, earning a soft laugh from Kim.

"So do you remember anything?"

"Um, I remember being in that house, I remember what happened there and I remember Stan telling me that the house had a gas leak and he was holding up a lighter. After that I don't remember anything."

"That's probably for the best," Kim said, stroking Erin's arm. "The important thing is that you're alright." Erin nodded before her attention was caught by what was playing on the television behind Kim. The television in the room was open, Trudy having left it on some news channel before she left. Erin watched in shock as the footage of her fall played on the screen. She watched in horror as her body landed in a thud on the ground and she watched as Jay appeared on the screen as he ran over to her and shooting Stan until the other man laid on the ground, dead.

"Oh my god," Kim shouted, horrified that Erin just watched herself fall out of the house. "I'm so sorry Erin!" Kim stood up, searching frantically for the remote so she could turn the television off. Erin stopped her, holding her hand and her eyes returned to the screen, the footage of her fall and Jay shooting Stan replayed over and over again on screen.

Erin didn't know how to feel, watching what happened to her and having no recollection of it. She didn't remember falling, she didn't remember the pain as she hit the ground, she didn't remember anything.

"How did they get the footage?" she asked.

"There was security cam on the property next door and they had the footage. Apparently the owner sold the footage to the media," Kim replied. "It's been on the news for the past couple of days."

"What?" Erin was surprised. No one told her.

"I'm sorry," Kim said, not completely sure if she should tell Erin the whole truth. "You shouldn't be hearing about this."

"No," Erin stopped her. "I want to know. It's okay. I can handle it." Kim still looked unsure but Erin wanted to know. Finally Kim sat back down on the bed. "Okay then," Kim sighed, thinking of where to start. "So the case got the public's attention with the press conference and that media attention only grew when the footage was leaked. It's a pretty big story in the news cycle."

"What are they saying?"

"The bad news is that there are idiots out there that hate the police so they take joy in the fact that an officer got hurt," Kim started. "But the good news is that the majority of the people are on your and Jay's side. Seriously, you should read some of the comments on social media."

Erin grimaced. "I'm not sure I want to." She wasn't a big social media person in the first place and her being the subject wasn't going to make her like it any more.

"No really," Kim said, whipping out her phone and scrolling. "They're totally on your side, talking about how brave you were for stopping that house from blowing up. Apparently there are no more confidentiality in the department anymore because the details kept getting leaked to the media." Kim scrolled through her phone and showed it to Erin. "See, here's a person saying how CPD was dumb to let you go."

"How do they know about that?"

"Erin, it's the 21st century," Kim replied, giving Erin a 'duh' look. "All it takes it one quick search. But don't worry. Like I said most people are supportive. Of you and Jay. The overwhelming sentiment is that they'd do the same thing if they were in your shoes and how CPD need more cops like you. Can't say they're wrong."

Erin tried to process all the information that Kim was giving her and she just ended up tiring herself out in the process.

"Sorry, I'm overwhelming you," Kim said, sheepishly putting her phone away. "But don't worry Erin. People are on your side." All Erin could do was nod. "You should probably get some rest. I'll come back to visit you later. Do you need anything?"

"No I'm fine." Erin smiled at Kim. "Thanks Kim." Kim gave Erin a hug and waved her goodbye, leaving Erin to get some more sleep.

* * *

Erin jerked awake, feeling someone's eyes on her. She opened her eyes and saw someone standing next to her.

"Easy Detective," she heard the voice. "It's just me."

Erin blinked several times, fighting the drowsiness and tried to see who was in her room. She was surprised to see Commander Crowley standing next to her bed and she wondered what the woman was doing in her room.

"Commander, what are you doing here?"

"How are you Detective?" the woman asked, her demeanor as cold as ever. Erin was confused to say the least. She didn't know what the Commander was here for, knowing for sure it wasn't because she gave a damn about Erin.

"Um, I'm okay," Erin replied. "Can I help you with something?"

"I did come to check up on you," Commander Crowley replied, her arms crossed behind her back. "A detective got hurt working a case in Chicago, protecting the civilian. I'm not heartless like you think I am."

"Okay?" Erin didn't know what to reply. "Thank you."

"There is also another reason for my presence," Commander Crowley said, taking a seat. "I've come to you with an offer."

Erin furrowed her eyebrows, trying to get her head around this conversation, having completely caught off guard by the Commander Crowley's presence. "Okay? What's the offer?"

"I'm here to offer you your job back," the Commander revealed, crossing her arms as she sat on the chair. "What do you say? You ready to return to Chicago and work in Intelligence Unit again?"


	25. Chapter 25

I just want to wish everyone Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays! Enjoy!

* * *

Chapter 25

"Jay Halstead, good to see you finally managed to grace us with your presence here." Jay let the sarcastic remark rolled off his back and took the seat across the table from the group of Commanders, trying not to be intimidated by the judgmental looks on their faces.

"Thank you for giving me this meeting," Jay recited, almost robotically. If he had his choice, he'd be anywhere but here in the Ivory Tower, pleading to get his badge back. But after talking with Erin and Voight—who was decidedly mute about how he even managed to get Jay this meeting—he swallowed his pride and went home for a quick change into his police blues and now here he was, sitting in the hot seat ready to justify himself for killing a psychopath that murdered and kidnapped multiple people.

"Commander Rawley here said that you disobeyed direct orders, displayed insubordinate behaviors and turned in your badge at your own volition. Frankly, I don't know why we're wasting our time sitting here with you but Commander Fischer there insisted that we had to listen to what you have to say," Commander Franklin spouted, giving a side eye look at Commander Fischer who just looked down at the table. Jay scoffed to himself.' _Probably blackmail from Voight_.' Jay thought to himself, having a clearer picture of what antics Voight used to get Jay this meeting. The Sergeant told him when Jay went back to the district that he had convinced the Ivory Tower to sit down for a meeting and it was all he could do, everything else was up to Jay now. And after hearing Commander Franklin listed off how Jay had lost his badge, he wasn't holding much hope of actually getting it back. If there was one thing that the egomaniacs in the Ivory Tower hated the most, it was being shown up by lesser ranking officers and Jay had practically cussed out Rawley in front of Intelligence and whoever else that was listening in the Chicago Med's waiting room and judging by the look of disdain on his face right now, Rawley hadn't forgotten that.

"I want to apologize for my actions at the hospital," Jay said, trying not to sound bitter about his apology. He knew he didn't regret what he did but he did want to go back and tell Erin that he did whatever he could to get his badge back. "I was out of line and it didn't matter what was happening, it was a line I shouldn't have crossed."

"You made it clear that your badge wasn't important to you, Detective," Rawley argued, a scowl on his face. "You clearly made your choice back at the hospital that you'd rather waste time and stay there instead of doing your job."

"I wasn't wasting time. I was scared for my girlfriend," Jay bit out. He took a deep breath, trying to control his anger, knowing it wasn't going to help him in this moment. He clenched his fists under the table. "I was worried," he tried again, trying to sound more in control. "for another police officer. The police officer who was abducted and was almost killed after she risked her life so she can save another woman's life."

"Detective Erin Lindsay," Franklin read off the file. "We're aware of the situation."

"I was caught at a bad time," Jay replied, trying to explain himself. "We didn't know if she was going to make it and I was being ordered to come in and justify myself for shooting the person that kidnapped and killed several people, including a member of the Chicago Police Department. But that didn't give me the right to disrespect Commander Rawley."

"We'll put that off for now and focus on the actual shooting. The report here said that you shot your service pistol five times."

"That's right."

"You can see why we'd think it's a little excessive right?"

Jay stared them down. "He was about to kill Detective Lindsay. She was lying on the ground, unconscious and defenseless and he was about to shoot her, after already having shot her, I might add. So yeah, I took quick actions to make sure he didn't. So no I don't believe I was excessive in protecting a police officer's life."

"The officer who is also your girlfriend," Rawley interjected.

"What does that matter?"

"Well personal relationship matters," Rawley said with a condescending smile on his face. "Maybe that personal nature of your relationship caused you to make a misjudgment and kill Stan Rappaport."

"I would've done the same thing if it was anybody else lying on the ground, not just Detective Lindsay," Jay argued. "I took an oath to protect and serve and I would've protected anybody else from that psychopath." Jay felt himself getting heated again, wanting to wipe that smirk off Rawley's face with his fists. "That's what I do daily on the job and that's what I've done every since I took the oath and they pinned the badge on my chest."

"Almost like you're implying something there Halstead," Rawley said, leaning back in his seat. "Are you saying we're not real police?"

"No that's not what I'm saying," Jay replied, although he was thinking it inside. "I'm just saying that I care more about protecting people that I swore to protect rather than worrying about the optics, red tapes and the bureaucracy of everything."

"We care about people," Franklin argued, anger in his voice. "We don't just care about going after good police."

"Yeah?" Jay retorted. "Is that why in the past ten minutes I've been here you haven't once asked how Detective Lindsay is doing? Because you care so much about the actual people right?" Jay couldn't bite his tongue.

"We're not the one under scrutiny here," Franklin barked. "We don't have to defend ourselves to you."

"You're right. I am." Jay sighed. "Look I don't really know what you want from me here. I shot Stan Rappaport and I did it to save another police officer's life. Yes, she's my girlfriend and we have a personal relationship but I am telling you," Jay stressed, pointing his index finger on the table to make his point. "I would do the same to protect anyone else in that situation. I am a good detective and I am a damn good police. I take the oath I took seriously and I have fulfilled it since the moment I got my badge. I made a mistake in the hospital and crossed the line, I'll admit to that. But everything else, I don't regret what I did. You can investigate the shooting all you want, look over all the evidence and all the footage you have. It was a clean kill and it was a good shoot. I stand by it." Jay released a breath after his rant. "So if you want to strip me officially then go ahead but I know I've done nothing wrong here and I deserve to have that badge."

The group of them were quiet, all exchanging looks with each other and glancing over at Jay every so often but Jay was done. He had nothing more to say, he said everything he could. If they wanted to keep his badge then so be it. He was not going to beg or plead his case any longer.

After what felt like a very tense hour—the leaders all in a hush hush conversation that Jay couldn't hear—Franklin finally addressed Jay. "Well Detective Halstead, we have a lot more to discuss amongst ourselves. We will let you know our decision soon but in the meantime, you are still stripped."

Jay stood up and nodded. "Okay," he said, knowing that there was nothing he could do but wait. He studied the faces of the group, Franklin and the other Commanders' faces blank and unreadable but Fischer gave him a small nod as if to say he was on Jay's side. That little support was negated by the sneer on Rawley's face that was glued on ever since Jay stepped foot inside the office, still holding a grudge against Jay. "Thank you for your time." Jay said and he left the room, releasing the top button of his uniform and tugging to loosen his tie as he walked out of the Ivory Tower, his future in Chicago as a detective up in the air.

* * *

Jay smiled when he saw Erin when he got back to the hospital. She was watching something on the television, not knowing he was standing there and he took the opportunity to study her in silence, knowing that she had a tendency to hide how she was really doing in front of others so she won't worry them. She was beautiful, Jay thought to himself, but he couldn't deny that she looked exhausted and the fact that she looked so small in the hospital bed, dressed in the hospital gown, just made her look more fragile. She was just so precious to him and he just wanted to protect her from everything bad in the world. Whatever she was watching had her completely captivated and had her eyes glued to the screen. He knocked gently on the door to alert her. Her face lit up when she saw him and his heart soared, his own face grinning wide.

"Hey," Erin said, her voice still soft and raspy as she held out her hand, beckoning him to come closer. He didn't need another invitation to be next to her and he stepped closer, intertwined his fingers with hers and he sat down in his usual seat after giving her a kiss. "How did it go?"

Jay shrugged. "As good as it could've I guess," Jay replied. "They didn't say I was never going to get my badge back so that's good." Erin frowned, wanting more specific answer. "They're going to let me know their decision." His answer didn't put the look of worry on her face to ease and he just knew that she was thinking back to when she was in the same situation and her leaving Chicago. Only this time if he had to leave, he knew he wouldn't be alone. He'd be with Erin. "It's going to be fine." He wanted to put her at ease. She just returned a small smile in reply. "What's going on?" She looked like there was something on her mind.

"Crowley came by earlier." Jay frowned at her words, wondering why the Commander was here. He noticed that she wasn't at his meeting earlier but he was too occupied with other things to figure out the whereabouts of the Commander. "She umm…" Erin paused, searching for words to tell Jay. "She offered me my position back in Intelligence."

Jay's eyebrows rose to his forehead. "Really?" Safe to say, he was surprised to say the least. "Back in Intelligence?" Erin nodded, letting out a small chuckle. "Wow, that's big. What did you tell her?"

"Well first, I kind of chewed her out," Erin grimaced. "I thought she was giving me your job so I kind of yelled at her for thinking that I would be willing to replace you." Jay chuckled softly, the image of Erin pissed off playing in his mind. He just hoped that she went easy on Crowley. "But then she reassured me that it was not meant to be a replacement for you."

"Did you give her an answer?"

Erin shook her head. "No. I mean, I don't even know how I feel about it to be honest." Jay's eyes were inquiring her to elaborate. "Me back in Intelligence? Back in Chicago? I don't know. Plus you don't even have your badge right now. Everything is just complicated."

Jay ran his finger through her hair, smiling at her. "I get it," he said, reassuring her. "Did she say why?"

"Apparently we're getting popular," Erin said, laughing. Jay frowned, looking at her confused. "Somehow the footage of me falling and you shooting Stan are all over the internet and T.V and Kim said the public was on our side," Erin explained, rolling her eyes thinking how ridiculous everything was. "did you know about it?"

Jay shook his head. He really didn't. He'd been practically isolated from the society as much as she had been the past few days. The only time he'd been outside was when he went home for the quick shower and when he went to the station then the Ivory Tower. He was completely in the dark about everything.  
"Ruzek was rambling about me going viral or something like that earlier when I was at the station but I wasn't really paying attention." He had been too occupied, his only purpose to be at the station was to listen to what Voight had to say about him getting his badge back and him trying to make a quick of an exit as possible. So he had just nodded, his mind elsewhere, when Ruzek caught him and started chattering in his ears.

"Yeah, apparently the footage went viral. So I guess this is Chicago P.D's way of gaining some good publicity for once, giving me my job back."

"You deserve that job," Jay stated, leaning forward. "You should've never been stripped in the first place anyway. Really Erin, out of all the crap that we've seen and done by C.P.D, you shouldn't have been kicked out of the unit in the first place." That was a fact he truly believed and he would say it to anyone who'd listen until he was blue in the face.

"Maybe," Erin just replied. "I just told her that I needed time to think about it. I didn't want to make any decisions without you." Jay smiled at her words, touched by the fact that she was considering him in making any major decisions. "Besides if you aren't going to get your badge back then there's really no decision to make. I want to be where you are and if you're going to take that job in SVU then that's where I'll be." The smile grew on Jay's face and the corner of his eyes crinkled in happiness. He leaned forward and connected their lips, their lips moving in a slow rhythmic fashion, just enjoying the closeness and taste of each other.

"And if I do get my badge back?" Jay questioned, his face just inches away from her, studying her eyes. "What do you think then?"

"Then we'll decide together," Erin replied, holding Jay's gaze. "Here or New York, as long as we're together right?"

"Right," He closed the distance with another kiss. "As long as we're together," he said into the kiss.

* * *

Erin ended up spending another week in the hospital, although if someone asked her, it felt like years to her. She hated being trapped in the bed, being poked and prodded and undergoing so many tests and exams that she just wanted to push everyone away, no matter how good their intentions were. Her only reprieve was Jay's constant presence by her side and her team members visiting her whenever they had a chance.

Finally, she got the good news that she'd been waiting for ever since she woke up—she was going home.

Although home was a relative term for her right now. New York, Chicago. Everything was still up in the air. Jay still hadn't gotten a decision from the Ivory Tower about whether he'd be getting his badge back and despite him trying to hide it from her, she knew it was making him anxious. She couldn't blame him, understanding his desire to just have all the cards on the table and then they could finally decide on their future together.

"Alright," Connor said, smiling widely to deliver the good news. "Everything looks good. Now I want you to take it easy for the next month or two okay? Get a lot of rest. I'd order you to bed rest but I have a feeling you won't follow that order. So just listen to your body. If it's telling you it's tired, rest up. Get a lot of sleep and let yourself truly recover. You can't be on active duty yet. Your injuries are healing nicely but it doesn't mean you're Superwoman."

"Yeah yeah," Erin mumbled impatiently. She was just dying to hear the words that she would be discharged today and would be able to go home.

Connor chuckled, seeing Erin's impatience. "You would need physical therapy in a couple of weeks, build your strength back up. Your neurological and physiology exams look good. It'd also be a good idea for you to talk to someone about what you've been through." Connor looked over her chart one more time."Other than that, you're free Erin. You can go home today."

A round of cheers erupted in the hospital room as her team cheered her release.

"Guys, this is still a hospital," Connor chided, waving his hand to quiet down the loud group. "The nurse will be by in a little bit with the discharge papers. Erin," Connor got serious, "If you feel anything is wrong or if you need anything, call me. Anything at all okay?"

"Thanks," Erin said, patting Connor's hand. "For everything."

"Just doing my job," Connor replied. Jay got up from his seat and shook Connor's hand, showing his gratitude toward the doctor for saving Erin's life.

"So congrats for finally getting out of here," Adam said, giving Erin a congratulatory kiss on the head. "Anything you want to do first?"

"Eat a really good burger," Erin replied. She hadn't had a huge appetite since being in the hospital but for the first time since she woke up, she was actually craving for something. "A huge juicy burger sounds amazing right now."

"You got it!" Adam replied, giving her a grin. "Anything you want. We have to celebrate."

Kim smacked Adam's chest. "No, did you not hear what Dr. Rhodes said?" Kim chided, rolling her eyes. "Erin needs to take it easy."

"We'll celebrate easily then," Adam shot back. "We'll come over to Halstead's place with food and we can just sit and watch some games or movies and just take it easy."

While Erin wanted to spend time with everyone, the whole thing sounded exhausting to Erin. And if she was being honest, she was just really looking forward to spending time with Jay in his place, just the two of them. And judging by the glare Jay was sending Adam, he was thinking the same thing.

"Or we can just do that in a couple of days after Erin had settled down ," Kim suggested, already knowing Erin's wishes. "Then we can go to Halstead's or…Sergeant…" Kim paused, not knowing where Erin would be staying at now that Stan was dead.

"Halstead's," Voight answered, speaking for the first time since he'd arrived. He had been quiet, just standing off to the side and just watching over the group. "She'll stay at Halstead's." Erin looked over to Voight, surprised by his answer. Not that she was planning on staying elsewhere but she thought she'd have to work to convince Voight to let her stay with Jay now that her life was no longer in danger. But she saw him and Jay exchanged a look between the two of them and she narrowed her eyes in suspicion. But for now, she let it go, just relieved that she didn't have a fight on her hand about staying with Jay.

"Okay," Adam said dejectedly, like he had been planning the party for a long time. "We'll postpone the party then."

* * *

The group had finally left after another hour or so, but not before being scolded by a nurse to keep it quiet—and Erin was glad for the more peaceful atmosphere. Not that she didn't love her team and everyone but it was tiring her out and she was starting to get a headache. However, she wasn't about to admit that to anyone so they wouldn't change their mind about her getting discharged. She was leaving the hospital today, she was determined.

"What was that about?" Erin asked Voight, after having been left alone with him. Jay had left the room to turn in her discharge papers and sign her out so she had a couple of minutes alone with the older man.

"What was what about?"

Erin rolled her eyes. "That look that you and Jay exchanged. Not to mention, you practically insisting that I stay with Jay."

Voight shrugged. "Are you saying you don't want to stay with Halstead? Because your room is still available at my house, in perfect condition." Erin shook her head. "Yeah that's what I thought. Just thought I'd save both of us the energy and time and a fight so you can stay with Halstead."

"Hmm," Erin hummed, still suspicious. "I guess. But I still saw that look."

Voight sat down next to Erin, crossing his arms. "Let's just say Halstead and I have an understanding with each other."

"What does that mean?" Erin asked. "I swear Hank, if it's some archaic manly prideful father of the bride thing…"

"I wasn't aware that you two were engaged."

"We're not," Erin denied, blushing. "I'm just saying."

"That you two might get engaged?" Voight questioned, face stoic.

"Okay," Erin held up her hand, "Can we get off the subject about me and Jay getting engaged." She begged. It was too soon for the topic even though she couldn't ignore the butterflies that started fluttering in her stomach at the thought of her and Jay being engaged and getting married. But she pushed that to the side. They already had a lot on their plates right now; they didn't need the added pressure of a wedding and a marriage on top of it just yet.

"So you don't want to marry Halstead? Good to know. The thought of Halstead becoming an official family member and having to sit across from him every Holiday," Voight shuddered.

Erin scoffed, indignant on Jay's behalf. "I did not say that I didn't want to marry Jay. And you can deny it all you like Hank but I know you actually like Jay for me. Not to mention you two are buddy-buddy now, you're helping him to get his badge back and exchanging secret looks with one another."

"You're like a pitbull. You know that kiddo?" Hank chuckled fondly. "You don't ever let up. Fine, if you must know," Hank started, sitting closer to Erin. "I will admit that I haven't always been too fond of your relationship with Halstead. Romantic relationships between partners always get complicated. Always. It did get complicated between you two."

"That's history Hank."

Voight raised his brows at Erin for interrupting him. Erin relented, telling Voight to continue. "But I can't deny how much he loves you, even after you two being apart for the past couple of years. Halstead, you know he'd always been a pain in my butt," Voight said, chuckling. "Ever since he joined Intelligence. Always a stickler for the rules, always questioning and second guessing me thinking he knows better, wanting to do things by the books." Erin nodded, recalling the many times that Jay and Voight clashed over the differences when it came to their morals. "But I saw how he was when you went missing. How far he was willing to go for you. How far he did go. Giving up his badge might be the stupidest thing I've ever seen him do but he did it because he wasn't leaving your side." Voight paused. "You two are going to be together no matter what I or anyone say, I see that now. But I trust him with you. I trust him to have your back 24/7," Voight admitted, his face scrunched up like he was swallowing a lemon. Erin chuckled, knowing just how hard it was for Voight to admit he was wrong about Jay or that he had given Jay his full approval. His approval was something Voight always had dangled in front of Jay, just pulling it out of reach no matter how close Jay got. Jay never admitted it to her but she knew that Voight had been a sore spot in their relationship sometimes and she couldn't blame him. She had walked away from him once just because she was afraid to go against Voight and she walked away a second time after taking Voight's advice to not look back.

"Thank you," Erin said, holding Voight's hand. "I know how much you're hating this conversation. But I love him so much and I've tried to take your advice and not look back but I can't do it any longer. I don't want Jay to just be in my past. He's my future Hank."

"Yeah, I know," Voight replied.

"And thank you for getting Jay a meeting with the Ivory Tower."

"That I would've done regardless," Voight said, catching Erin by surprise. "Halstead is a good detective and I'm lucky to have him in my unit. I want him in my unit."

"I just don't know why they are taking so long with the decision," Erin griped. "It's been a week."

"Yeah they just like to see people sweat, exert their power," Voight shrugged.

"You don't look worry," Erin noticed. "You think he has a good shot at getting it back?" Voight nodded. "I hope you're right."

"Hey," Jay came in, grinning widely. "It's done. You're officially discharged!" Erin did a little cheer in her bed, excited to finally be leaving the hospital and going home. "I brought you some clothes you can change into."

Voight stood up. "That's my cue to leave." He gave Erin a kiss on her forehead. "Congrats kiddo. I'll be by to visit you after you get settled." Erin nodded, holding Voight's hand before letting go. Voight turned to Jay. "Take care of her, got it?"

"Always," Jay said, shaking the outstretched hand of Voight. "You can trust me."

Voight didn't say anything, just keeping his eyes on Jay. Then the older man just gave him a nod before leaving the hospital. Erin watched the interaction between the two most important people in her life silently. Voight might not be the most open person—none of them were really—but it was clear to Erin that Voight trusted Jay completely. She believed Voight when he said that he wanted Jay on his unit, she just wasn't sure if Jay would remain in Intelligence.

* * *

Jay had insisted on carrying her bridal style up to his place, despite her many protests that she was able to walk with her crutches. Finally Erin gave in and let herself be lifted off the seat and he tugged her close to his chest and carried her up the elevators to his place. He opened the door the best he could with one hand and they crossed the threshold, Jay flipping the switch and letting his place filled with lights.

Erin had managed to convince Jay to return to his place a few times throughout the week, although Jay never stayed long enough—insisting he slept better by her side even in the chair. But he had cleaned up his place enough for Erin's return. He dropped her gently on the couch like she asked, after declining his offer to take her to their bed. She just wanted to be in the living room for right now and just relax. He covered her with a blanket that always remained on the couch and tucked her in, kissing her forehead. She smiled, holding his arm gently to thank him.

"I'll go get the rest of the stuff from the car," Jay said, reluctantly pulling away from Erin. "You need anything before I go?" Erin shook her head. "Okay, I'll be right back." He kissed her one more time before leaving.

Erin sat on the couch, just glancing around the room. Even though it had been nearly two weeks since Erin had been here, everything looked the same and Erin felt like she was home. Her eyes remained on their Christmas tree and she smiled, thinking back to the thoughtful gesture that Jay did for her—bringing her the tiny Christmas tree by her bedside. She felt so lucky to have Jay in her life again and that somehow it was her that he loved. Growing up, she never really cared about love and was instead focused on survival. Even when Hank and Camille took her in and showed her what love was like for the first time in her life, there was a part of Erin that still had walls up around her heart. Familial love, she understood thanks to the Voights but romantic love? That was far too much trouble, as far as Erin was concerned. That string of broken hearts like Voight loved to call it was just another way of Erin protecting herself, her way of not becoming like Bunny who seemed to fall in love every five minutes with different men, only to have a revolving door of men coming in and out of her life. But it was so different with Jay. It always had been. He had been unlike any other men she had met in her life—caring, considerate, and dependable. Just everything she never knew she needed or wanted.

The front door opened and the subject of her thoughts walked through, trying to balance himself while holding all of Erin's stuff, including her crutches that she'd have to use to get around until her thigh healed. She smiled widely seeing his face, he just made her so happy. He returned her smile when he saw her, dropping all the stuff off by the door and walking over to her, sitting gently on the open spot next to her. She leaned into his arms, resting her head on his chest and he laid a kiss on the crown of her head.

"How are you feeling?"

"Great," Erin replied honestly. She had a bit of a headache like Connor said she would but she still felt good just being home. "Happy to be home."

Jay smiled at her calling his place home. "Might not be home for much longer," he said, glancing around the place. Even though they both had tried not to think about it too much, the question of where they'd be in a few weeks still weighed heavily on their mind. Everything was still up in the air—whether Jay would get his badge back, New York or Chicago, SVU or Intelligence.

"Yeah maybe." Erin sighed as Jay began to run his fingers through her hair gently, lulling her to a sleepy state. "We still have to figure things out."

"Tomorrow," Jay said as he pressed his face into her hair. "Tonight, I just want you to relax and rest." He tightened his arms around her stomach. "I'm just so happy that you're home. That you're okay." She could hear Jay's heart beat steadily underneath as she remained pressed to his chest and it was the perfect soundtrack to the night. Just the two of them, sitting on the couch in each other's arms. It was all she needed and she was so close to not having it ever again.

"Me too."

"I love you," Jay said, pressing his lips to the side of her head. She looked up so she could see him and laid her hand on his chest, right over his heart. She lifted her head up to catch his lips and he smiled, leaning in to meet her lips. The kiss was like a summer rain—warm, gentle and welcomed. She moved her lips against his, her arms curling around him so she could reach just enough to play with the hairs on the nape of his neck. He cupped her face gently, fingers ghosting over the shell of her ears and his lips pressed harder. He swallowed her sounds of pleasure, answering her demand for more and she pressed herself closer to him until their chests were flushed against each other, just fabrics in between them—no space.

He gave her a couple of pecks before he pulled away, resting his forehead against her, breathing hard. "God, I missed this." He pecked her swollen lips again. "I thought I'd never be able to kiss you again." His voice was heavy and she placed her hands around his arms that were holding her face. "I almost lost you and if I did.." Erin cut him off with another kiss, wanting to abate his fears. He was falling apart at the thought of losing her and she wanted him in her arms and to hold him up, keep him from completely crumbling and fight away his unfounded fears.

"But I'm okay. I'm here with you." Erin held his face so she could look at him straight in the eyes. "Thanks to you, I'm alive. You found me and you saved me. Thank you." He closed his eyes and he kissed the tip of her nose. "Thank you," she repeated as his head dropped to her shoulder and she held onto him tightly, she wasn't letting go ever.

* * *

Erin stirred awake in bed and reached over to find Jay. She was cold and she wanted his warmth. Her eyes jerked awake when she saw the side of his bed empty, the sheets crumbled up and cold. She could hear the soft voices coming from the television playing in the living room, letting her know where Jay was. She got up gently, reaching over for her crutches and she made her way out to her man.

He was sitting on the couch, remote in his hand, while his eyes remained on the screen. But there was a blank look on his face, like he wasn't even paying attention to whatever was playing on the T.V. He noticed her and he stood up immediately and made his way over to her.

"Are you okay?" He sounded worried and scared at her appearance and she felt bad for scaring him.

"I'm fine," she answered quickly to calm him down. "I just missed you in bed." He released a sigh of relief and he helped her over to the couch, resting her crutches by the arm rest and propped her feet on the coffee table, placing a blanket over her to keep her warm.

"Sorry if I woke you up," Jay said as he sat back down, arms coming around her shoulders.

"Are you okay?" Erin asked, concerned. She knew that whenever Jay was having trouble sleeping or if there was something on his mind, he'd try to drown out the noises with late night television shows—either some boring documentaries or some mind numbing infomercials so he can fall back asleep.

Jay shrugged. "Just had some trouble sleeping."

"You want to tell me?"

"You should go back to sleep," Jay said, hand gently massaging Erin's shoulders. "You need plenty of rest."

"So do you," Erin shot back, "Besides I couldn't sleep without you. You keep me warm." Jay chuckled softly.

"So I'm just your blanket then huh?"

"The best," Erin said, wrapping her arm around his waist. "The only one I need." She let him play with her hair but she wouldn't let him avoid her question. "What's going on Jay?"

He sighed, knowing she wasn't going to let this go. "I just couldn't fall asleep."

"Nightmare?" Erin asked, already knowing the answer. Jay nodded, confirming her suspicions. "Tell me."

He let out a deep sigh. "Every time I close my eyes, I see you falling out of that window over and over again. No matter how fast I run, I couldn't get there fast enough. It's like I was totally helpess." He admitted in a small voice and he just sounded so broken that she just wanted to fix everything for him and make everything better. The only thing she could do was to stroke his chest softly over and over again. "I know you're okay, I get that. But it's like my brain knows it but my heart isn't there yet."

"Me too." Really she was feeling the same way as he was. Watching herself fall and hit the ground was traumatizing and she really should've listened to Kim and shouldn't have watched it. Like Jay, she knew that she'd be alright physically but there was still this feeling in her chest that was weighing her down. Connor suggested talking to someone about it and perhaps it was a good idea to go back and talk to Dr. Charles, the doctor having helped her out tremendously when she first started seeing him. "I think if I wasn't so tired physically then I'd be having trouble sleeping too."

Jay frowned, kissing her cheeks. "I'm sorry for waking you up."

"Come back to bed with me? I'll sleep better with you next to me." He nodded, standing up and placed his arms underneath her knees to carry her back to bed, kissing her head as she clung onto him. He laid her down gently on the bed and covered her with their blanket before getting into his side of the bed. She immediately sought out his warmth and she settled into his embrace, her arms around his waist. Now she was warm and she felt safe. She just needed him by her side to be happy.

"I can't wait until everything settles back down," she whispered into his chest and she felt him nod above her, agreeing. She had her suspicions that one of the reasons why Jay was so restless was because of the still unknown and everything still being in a limbo. Maybe when they had finally received the decision from the Ivory Tower, Jay would feel more at ease.

* * *

They finally got the decision they've been waiting for the next day. Jay had been called down to the Ivory Tower because IAD had finally made their decision on whether Jay would get his badge back. He was hesitant to leave her alone at home but there was no way she was making him miss it because of her. She reassured him several times that she'd be fine and declined his suggestions of bringing someone over to take care of her in the meantime. But frankly, Erin didn't want someone fussing over her so she told Jay that she'd rather spend the alone time sleeping and relaxing. He agreed after some convincing and he left her with a kiss.

She was a nervous wreck the whole time he was gone as she waited for the news—not knowing whether it'd be good or bad. She wanted Jay to get his badge back because he was a great detective and an amazing cop and she hated the thought of something like this marring his record. She tried to distract herself by going online shopping. She had been given time off from SVU for six weeks while she recovered and had decided to spend Christmas in Chicago and she hadn't gone shopping at all. She had no presents for any of the people in her life and she needed to change that immediately now that she was staying in town for the time being. So she browsed Amazon and various websites trying to look for perfect presents for the important people in her life, hoping that not only she'd find the perfect presents but they'd offer next day delivery too since Christmas was fast approaching in less than a week.

Even though she tried to distract herself, she couldn't help but look over at her phone every five minutes, waiting for a message or a call from Jay. The suspense was killing her and she needed to know. But the black screen didn't change, much to her dismay.

After spending an obscene amount of money—more for overnight shipping than the presents really—she still found herself waiting to hear from Jay. She tried calling Voight to see if he knew anything but he wasn't at the station either and wasn't picking up his phone. She wanted to throw her useless phone against the wall. Seriously if it wasn't going to give her the answer or connect her to a person that could give her the answer, what good was it?

Thankfully before she flung the object into the wall, the door clicked open and Jay walked in, his police jacket in his arms and his button up untucked with the sleeves rolled up. His face was unreadable and Erin turned her body on the couch, trying to get a better look at Jay. He just made his way over to the couch and plopped down, remaining tight lipped.

"Well?" Erin asked, frustrated that he didn't tell her straightaway. "What happened? What did they say?" She was practically bouncing off the seat, anxious to know the answer and the relaxed demeanor of Jay was making her mad. He just turned his head to look at her before looking down and Erin's heart fell. "They didn't give you your badge back?"

"I'm sorry Erin," Jay said quietly and Erin reached out to him, her hand on his shoulder to comfort him.

"It's okay Jay," she offered weakly, hurting on his behalf. "It's gonna be okay."

"No," Jay said, shaking his head. "I'm sorry but you're going to have a difficult decision on your hand because I got my badge back." His face widened into a grin and Erin was shocked, confused by the sudden change. When she finally realized that it was just Jay teasing her, she smacked his arms.

"God, Jay!" she griped. "You totally had me." He laughed, his blue eyes sparkling. "So you did get your badge back?" Jay nodded, holding it up. "Congrats babe!" She smiled, giving him a kiss. "You deserve it."

"Apparently most of the Commanders agree," Jay said, wrapping his arms around her and giving her a deep kiss in return. "Well, except maybe Rawley. He still hates me." Jay shrugged, laughing. "Oh well. I've been suspended without pay for a month but after doing my time, I'm going to be reinstated."

"A Commander hating you should be a badge of honor at this point," Erin said. "We should celebrate. What do you want to do?"

"Well the thing I want to do we can't for another couple of weeks," he replied, raising his brows suggestively. "So how about we do the next best thing?"

It turned out the next best thing for Jay was to spend the day just lounging around, doing nothing but cuddling with one another. They laid wrapped up in each other on the bed, Sports Center playing on the screen and Jay looked so content, kissing her every so often. She tried to focus on the television and be in the moment but her mind kept getting distracted. She was feeling unsettled and she wasn't sure why.

* * *

The next day Jay had to go to the precinct for a short while to inform Voight and get his paper works in order. She knew that he had noticed her being distracted all morning, glancing over at her worriedly every so often. She had tried to pretend that everything was fine but she knew she didn't fool him. He was reluctant even more today to leave her behind but she had practically pushed him out the door, especially when Olivia had arrived to check in on her. He frowned, still worried about her, before finally relenting and left but not before making sure she knew that she could call him if she needed anything and that he loved her. She returned those words back to him, the only moment of the day where she genuinely smiled.

"Are you okay Erin?" Olivia asked as they sat side by side on the couch. "You look pale."

"I'm okay," Erin replied, sipping on her cup of tea that Olivia made. "It's winter in Chicago and I haven't been in what little sun we do get in weeks. I'm practically a vampire at this point." She tried to make a joke but she knew Olivia wasn't exactly buying her fake cheerful demeanor. So she tried another approach. "So the team left and went back to New York already?"

Olivia nodded, resting her cup on the table and propped her hand on the back of the couch. "Yeah, they left yesterday. They wanted to stop by to see you again before they left but they thought it'd be better to let you rest." Everyone had been by to Jay's place since she was discharged but it was a quick visit because she had been tired out quickly and they wanted her to rest properly. But still she was glad that at least she got to see her SVU team one more time before they left.

"That's okay," Erin said. "I'll see them again soon."

Olivia looked like she had something she wanted to say but wasn't sure if she should say it or not. "Yeah, you will," Olivia started, deciding to say it after all. "I'm just not sure whether it'd be as a team member." Erin realized that Olivia knew what was going on.

"So you know about the offer for my spot back in Intelligence," Erin said, giving Olivia her full attention.

The older woman nodded. "I heard it from Voight," she explained. "So? What are you going to do?" Erin shrugged, not having the answer herself. "It's a big decision."

"Yeah it is," Erin agreed. "I don't really know to be honest."

"What does Jay think?"

"We haven't really sat down and talked about it thoroughly," Erin answered. "With Jay not knowing whether he still had his badge until yesterday and everything, we just haven't had a chance to. But knowing Jay, he'll say that it's my choice and he's fine with either choices."

"Well, what are you thinking about doing?" Olivia questioned, seeing the look on Erin's face.

"I don't know. Like you said it's a big decision. I haven't really thought about it." Olivia looked skeptical at her answer. "You don't believe me?"

The older woman titled her head, biting her lips. "You want me to be honest?" Erin nodded, answering 'of course'. "Okay then. I think you have something weighing heavy on your mind and it goes beyond whether you want to work in Intelligence or SVU. There's something holding you back from making the choice you want to make and whatever it is, it's big enough that you are keeping it to yourself. Maybe even denying it to yourself."

Erin was amazed at just how perceptive Olivia was. "Yeah," she admitted.

"In continuing with honesty, all I can tell you, Erin, is to be honest with yourself and with Jay. You need to talk to him and tell him everything you're feeling if you two are going to have a chance. He's a good guy and no matter what it is, he'll understand and he'll support you. And I'll always be here for you, you know that. Whether you decide that you want to still work for me or return home, I'll always be in your life. That's not going to change."

"Thank you Olivia," Erin said genuinely, hugging the woman she respected so much and that had done so much for her. "For everything. Really. I couldn't have survived the past two years without you and everything that you've done for me."

"Don't mention it," Olivia smiled. "I got to go and catch a flight. I'll see you, no matter what you decide. You deserve to be happy Erin and you should do whatever it is that will make you happy. You and Jay. Talk to him and let him in."

* * *

"Wait a minute," Adam raised his hand. "So you're telling me that Lieutenant Benson offered you a job at SVU?" Jay nodded, stirring his coffee. After he had finished the necessary paper works before he was going to serve his suspension, Adam, Kevin and Antonio cornered him demanding him to at least have a cup of coffee in the break room before he rushed back to Erin. And somehow Jay found himself telling his friends everything that was going on, including the job offer from Olivia.

"So what are you going to do?" Antonio questioned.

Jay shrugged. "Whatever Erin decides to do," he replied.

"Man," Kevin crossed his arms. "I still can't believe Crowley offered her the job back here. I mean, that's totally great but just surprising."

"Believe me, no one is more surprised than Erin herself," Jay replied, chuckling.

"I just don't get how you're not totally freaking out about this," Adam marveled. "I mean, you have a chance to have Erin back here in Chicago for good. Otherwise you're going to have to move to New York but you're acting like it's no big deal." Jay looked over at Antonio who just gave a shrug like he agreed with Adam. "If I was in your position, I'd be freaking out like crazy. Maybe even trying to convince my girl to stay so I wouldn't have to move."

"Yeah I'm not doing that," Jay stated. "And I'm not freaking out because the only thing that matters to me is that Erin's happy."

"What about your happiness?" Antonio questioned, looking out for Jay as always.

"I'll be happy if she's happy," Jay replied seriously and Adam and Kevin groaned, shouting out how soft Jay had turned and how lovesick he was. Jay glared at them, ignoring Kevin making the whipped sound effect and gesture. "Yeah, good talk guys. I'm out of here. See you in a month."

"Have a good vacation," Antonio called out, laughing at their ability to drive Jay away.

"It's not a vacation!" Jay shouted back, waving his hand up as he descended down the stairs, not even looking back to the three guys standing in the door way of the break room, still teasing Jay.

* * *

He found Erin sitting on the floor when he got home and opened the door, boxes upon boxes and a pile of wrapping papers and bows surrounding her. He felt his heart filled with happiness, seeing her sit there completely focused on wrapping up a small box, her face totally concentrated on folding the corners perfectly. It felt so domesticated to Jay just coming home to Erin and it just reinforced everything he was feeling and he just wanted to keep coming home to Erin for the rest of his life. She heard him enter and looked up, a cute pout on her lips.

"Who knew wrapping presents could be so hard?" she whined as she got pieces of tape stuck all over her. "I've been trying to follow this stupid tutorial on youtube but I can't get the corners right."

"When did you go shopping?" Jay questioned, stepping around the piles of boxes so he can bend down and give Erin a kiss.

"Thank god for online shopping and next day shipping," Erin replied. "Otherwise I'd be screwed."

"Is my present in this pile?" Jay scanned the boxes, trying to peek to see what was inside of them. Erin reached over and pulled the box he was shaking away from him.

"Hey, no peeking!" she commanded, giving Jay a stern look. "Not until Christmas Eve." Jay raised his hands in surrender, smiling innocently at Erin.

"How did you get on the ground anyway?" Jay asked, wondering how she had managed to get herself in the position, worried. "Wait, should you even be on the ground?"

Erin rolled her eyes at him being overprotective. "I'm fine," she replied. "It wasn't easy but I just sort of rolled down." Jay's eyes widened. "Hey desperate times calls for desperate measures. And when you can't bend your legs without being in pain but you still need to wrap all these presents, you do whatever it takes." Jay still looked worried, not wanting her to hurt herself further. "Really, I'm fine."

"Yeah?" Jay inquired, tone hesitant. "You were acting kind of weird earlier. I was sort of worried." He had noticed how quiet Erin had been ever since she woke up today, like there was something on her mind. He knew that she had a tendency to keep things to herself and hide what she was feeling but he just wanted her to open up and let him in.

"Yeah," Erin answered, putting the present she was wrapping down. He was just surprised that Erin had admitted to it, totally prepared to hear her just brush it off. "We should talk."

Whenever someone said that those dreaded words, it was never a good thing. It was always _'we should talk' _ followed by _'it's not you, it's me'_. Jay looked at her, concerned. "Can you carry me to the couch?" Erin asked and Jay complied and he carried her gently over to the couch, sitting down next to her. His chest felt tight, his head running through different scenarios just wondering what had gotten Erin like this.

"What's going on" he asked her, his fingers brushing the back of her hand, waiting for her to open up.

"I was talking with Olivia earlier and she knew about my offer for Intelligence," Erin started. "We just need to talk about what we're going to do."

"Okay," Jay nodded, knowing that they had an important decision to make. "What are you thinking?"

Erin sighed, looking down at her lap. She looked worried, biting her lips and it just made him more concerned. "Hey," he reached to tilt her head up so she was looking at him. "You can tell me anything."

"There's a part of me that's scared to be back in Chicago," Erin revealed, her voice small. "Chicago got to be too toxic for me before that I needed to leave and I don't know," Erin shrugged. "I'm worried that I might fall back into that if I come back."

"It was a difficult time for both of us," Jay concurred. He was still dealing with his PTSD while she dealt with Bunny and they were both lost, miserable without each other but too self-destructive to reach out to other people. "But we're past all that right?"

Erin pressed her lips together, shrugging and Jay knew there was something else she wasn't telling him, something that was weighing on her mind. "Erin," he held her hand, hoping that he could convey himself enough so she'd understand that he was completely on her side. "What are you scared about really?"

"Bunny," she finally confessed. "I don't want to get sucked back in with her and fall back into that lifestyle. I gave up everything for her last time and I just don't want to mess up my life for her again."

"You won't." Jay wouldn't let her. "You've cut her out of your life. You won't let her back in and mess everything up again."

"It's easier said than done Jay," Erin retorted. "It's easy to be in New York and far away from her where she can't lie and manipulate me and just hit that part of me that had always felt the need to give her a chance after chance. But if I'm back in Chicago, it's easier for me to get her hooks into me."

"Erin," Jay started, looking at her in the eyes. "You're the strongest person I know. It's hard because she's your mother, I get that but I know you and I know you won't let Bunny get to you anymore. But if it makes things easier for you being in New York then stay in New York. We can both be in New York."

"I don't want you to uproot your entire life. I don't want to keep you away from Will. Chicago is your home," Erin replied.

Jay laughed softly, shaking his head. "Erin, you don't get it." He reached over and held her face so she'd understand completely what he was about to say. "Listen to me. You are my home Erin. Anywhere you are, I'm home." He thumbed over her jaws and her lips. "I don't care if we're in Chicago or New York. If you want to say fuck it, let's move to Oklahoma, I'm there." She chuckled, her nose scrunching at the thought of living in Oklahoma. "All that matters to me is that I'm with you. That's all I need."

"Yeah?"

Jay nodded, pressing his lips against hers to make her understand. "You've done an amazing job keeping Bunny and her toxicity out of your life and yeah it's easier to do it if you're far away from her but I know you Erin. I know you can do this whether you stay in Chicago or not. Bunny is toxic and she doesn't deserve to have you in her life. I understand why you're worried and why you're scared and I'm saying you don't have to be. I'm here. I won't let you let fall back into that hole. No matter how deep it is, I'll always reach to pull you out."

"I know you will," Erin said, leaning her head into his palms.

"I'm leaving this decision up to you babe. Make your choice on what will make you happy, that's all I care about. I just want you to be happy." She gave him a kiss. "Anywhere in the world, I'll be there right next to you if you'll let me."

* * *

Erin let Jay's words played in her head over and over again as she laid in his arms. He was fast asleep, sleeping soundly for the first time in a while and she watched him as he breathed in and out. She just knew that Jay would understand her fear and she should've told him sooner instead of keeping things to herself.

She looked up at the ceiling. Chicago or New York. She knew deep down though that she had already made her choice, her talk with Jay just reinforced her decision. She had already gotten Jay a gift but she needed to buy one more thing. She moved away from his arms slowly so she wouldn't wake him up and she got out of bed, reached over for her crutches and she quietly made her way out to the living room. She needed to make a purchase and she needed to do it without Jay knowing just yet.

* * *

Christmas Even had finally arrived and they were spending it just the two of them. They had a Christmas party tomorrow on Christmas Day where everyone would be coming over to exchange gifts but the night was just for them two. Jay had the fire going, their Christmas tree all lit up and soft carols playing in the background and as far as he was concerned, it was the perfect atmosphere. Erin looked beautiful as she sat on the blanket on the floor by the tree, her oversized sweater falling off her shoulder, revealing her ivory skin that was healing nicely. Jay kept sneaking kisses onto her soft skin, unable to resist.

"Ready for presents?" Erin nodded excitedly, rubbing her hands together as Jay brought over the presents they placed under the tree for each other. "Want to open yours first?"

"Oh yeah," Erin grinned, holding out her hand so Jay could place a small box in them. Erin smiled as she ripped the wrapping paper to reveal a small jewelry case. "Jay," she gasped as she admired the earrings that Jay had gotten for her.

"You like it?" Jay asked. He had searched hard for her gift, wanting to get her something special.

"I do. It's totally my style," Erin said, giving Jay a kiss.

"I have something else," Jay said, almost sounding nervous. While he was happy that she seemed to like the earrings, really he had a more important gift for her. The earrings were beautiful, yes, but this next present he had for her was far more meaningful to Jay and he was both scared and excited to see her reaction.

"Another present?" she smiled when he held up another jewelry case, this one bigger in size. She gently grabbed the box and opened it, her eyes landing on the necklace that inside. The necklace was made of gold and it was dainty looking but what really caught Erin's eyes was the gold locket hanging from it. It was in a shape of an oval and it was one of those picture locket, vintage if Erin had to guess. It was a simple necklace overall but it was beautiful.

"It's so beautiful Jay," Erin gasped out, running her fingers over the object delicately. "I love it."

Jay's eyes brightened at her reaction. "It was my mother's," Jay revealed, Erin looking up at his words, surprised. "It was her favorite and she wore it all the time." He reached over to the locket and opened it, revealing what was placed inside of it. "She got it for herself after I was born and it had my picture in it." She looked and found a small picture of a young Jay, missing tooth and freckled face, staring back at her, grinning widely to the camera. The other side was a picture of Jay and Erin, one of the few they have taken shrunk down to fit into the small space.

Jay saw Erin's eyes glisten at his gift and his own eyes glistened up also. He was just so happy that she seemed to love the necklace. There was a huge part of him that regret not being able to propose to Erin with his mother's ring and he knew that there would be a part that would always regret it. But he still wanted her to have something important of his mother's, the two most important women in Jay's life. So he had remembered the necklace that his mother wore everyday of her life until she couldn't anymore and he just knew he wanted to give it to Erin, that she would understand how precious it was to Jay and she'd appreciate it for what it was. Her reaction was exactly how he imagined it in his head.

"Thank you," she said genuinely. "I love it so much." She pulled the necklace out. "Help me put it on?" He smiled as he held the necklace in his hand while she turned, pulling her hair to the side. He brought the necklace around her and connected the clasps together. He bent down to kiss her neck, her fingers still ghosting over the object as she leaned further to give him more access.

"It's beautiful on you," he spoke into her skin. "You're beautiful." She turned her head around and kissed him deeply, cupping his face gently.

"My turn," Erin said, holding up a neatly wrapped box. Jay grinned and opened it, finding an expensive looking watch inside.

"Wow," he admired, "This must have cost you a fortune."

Erin smiled. "A small fortune," she shrugged. "You like it?"

"I love it," he replied, giving her a thank you kiss.

"Well I have something else for you." Erin said, holding up a small envelope this time and Jay looked at her, excited about what else she had for him. He opened the envelope, while looking at her and he pulled out the two pieces of paper from inside. She looked both excited and nervous to see his reaction and it just added more to his excitement. He read over the papers, his eyes widening at seeing what the gift was.

"It's two flight tickets to New York," Erin explained. "I don't have the actual tickets yet since I just bought them yesterday but I figured the receipt was symbolism enough."

"Does this mean you've made your choice?" Jay questioned, holding up the papers. "We're going to be living in New York?"

She shook her head, causing Jay to frown in confusion. "No," she started. "I want to spend the New Year with you in New York. I want us to ring in the New Year on my rooftop like I said and after that, I want you to help me pack up everything in my place there so we can start the rest of our lives together, in Chicago."

Jay's eyes widened and he was unable to stop a huge smile from forming on his face. "Really?"

Erin nodded. "Yeah, I'm so ready for our future Jay and that future is in Chicago. This is where I belong. This is where we belong." Jay's heart soared with happiness and he just kissed her hard, his happiness overflowing. Their lips remained connected as he poured all the love he could into his kisses. He was completely in love with her and this was the happiest he had ever been in his life and she was the reason. He wanted to make love to her but since she wasn't able to yet, he'd spend the entire night showering her body with intoxicating kisses and just show her just how much he loved her. As the fire crackled ever so often in the background, the sound playing perfectly in sync with the smooth jazz instrumental of the Christmas carols that was coming from the stereo, Jay couldn't have asked for a more perfect Christmas eve. Erin had just given him the best Christmas present he could ever asked for—certainty about their future.


	26. Chapter 26

Happy New Year guys! I hope everyone have a great New Year celebration and a great 2020!

Oh, there's also another A/N at the end of the chapter for the future of the fic so be sure to read that too.

* * *

Chapter 26

It was the only way out. Or at least the only way she saw. She knew she needed to take quick actions if she wanted to make it out of there alive, both her and Jenny. So she sprung forward, hoping to catch Stan off guard, using her whole body weight and then they crashed. Her body was in a freefall and she saw the ground getting closer and closer then…

Erin's eyes opened suddenly and for a moment, there was an indescribable fear that coursed through her, the dark state of the room not helping. But she felt a steady presence behind her—Jay releasing warm breaths down her neck and the heat radiating off his body—and she settled a bit. She blinked a couple of times to let her eyes adjust to the dark and she let his arm that was wrapped around her stomach calmed her down.

_It was just a dream._

It was the first she had of the incident with Stan since she woke up in the hospital. After Jay had several nightmares of her falling through the windows, she was expecting herself to have some but was relieved that she didn't. Until now that is.

She still didn't remember what happened after she pushed Stan out the windows, she didn't remember the fall or the painful moment when she impacted with the cold hard ground. Frankly, she didn't want to. She didn't want to relive that trauma and was counting herself lucky that her brain had blocked that out. She hoped she'd never remember. That the dream she just had would just be a one-off thing. She didn't want to remember the fear and the pain of what happened ever again.

Her heart was still beating fast but as soon as she felt Jay tugged her closer to his chest and him burying his face closer in her neck—nuzzling her in his sleep—she felt herself immediately relaxed. His presence was all she needed to get through the dark night and she let his hold on her calm her down, making her feel safe enough to drift off to sleep again.

The next time she woke, it was already morning. Streams of sunlight peeked through the curtains and it illuminated the room. She turned around, Jay's arms around her had loosened enough for her to do so and she studied the still sleeping man next to her, the morning light allowing her to do so. There was a chill in the morning but as always Jay was like a furnace in his sleep. She moved closer to his bare chest because she craved the closeness, she craved the warmth. Plus it gave her an even more up close view of her subject. Morning stubbles lined his perfectly chiseled jaw, the eyelids that were harboring piercing blues behind them were still closed and shifted around in his sleep, and his pink lips—pinker that any guy's lips should be—were releasing warm puff of air. He looked at peace, perfectly content in his sleep and in his dreams and Erin wished she could have the power so all of his sleeps were just like this. He had been her protector as long as she had known him and she wanted to be the same for him in the one place he couldn't protect himself from—his dreams. She scooted even closer to him and she laid the softest and gentlest kiss she could on his chest. She didn't want to wake him up and disturb him but she couldn't resist, the smooth skin beckoning her. He didn't wake but he tightened his arms around her, bringing her flushed up against him and she smiled against his chest. She could smell the familiar scent of his shower gel and she brought her arms around him, her fingers trailing up and down his spine, finally resting on the dip of his back. She closed her eyes again, just enjoying the moment. That she was here, she was in his arms just like where she was always meant to be.

She felt him stirred a little bit before he pressed his lips in her hair, causing her to smile again. She knew he was awake now even though she still had her eyes closed but she felt him pull back to gaze down at her. She didn't want to let him know she was awake just yet and kept still as his fingers gently trailed her face, skimming over her eyebrows down the slope of her nose before ghosting over her lips. Then they traveled down to where her sweater had fallen off her shoulders, exposing the skin. His touch was enticing enough to leave goosebumps in its path and she felt the heat all the way down to her toes. His focus landed on the necklace that he gifted her last night and he held the object in his hands. Her hand joined his that held the necklace like it was the most precious item in the world, finally letting him know that she was awake.

"Merry Christmas," he whispered, his voice heavy with sleep and the morning.

"Merry Christmas," she whispered back, feeling herself being tugged toward him so he could land his lips on hers. She wondered if the sparks she felt whenever their lips connected—even in a lazy morning kiss—would ever go away and she hoped it never did. She loved kissing Jay, he knew just how to turn his head, move his lips, swirl his tongue and kiss her so deeply that her toes curled. Honestly if there was a job that required just kissing him, she'd happily give up her career as a detective.

"This looks even more beautiful on you in this light," he said, his fingers still playing with the necklace as it laid against her skin. She smiled, looking down at the necklace he gave her last night. His mom's necklace. Safe to say, she was surprised and immensely touched when he presented her the jewelry box last night and she opened it to find a beautiful necklace and locket inside. The fact that it belonged to his mother and he wanted her to wear it just made it even more special. While she loved the earrings that he also bought her, it didn't hold a candle to this necklace. Jay never talked about his parents much. They were alike in that they didn't believe in rehashing old wounds and would rather just leave the past in the past. But whenever he did talk about his mom, it was obvious just how much he loved her and how special she was to him. So for Jay to entrust a piece of his mom to Erin by giving her his mom's favorite necklace? Erin didn't have the words to say how honored she felt but she wanted to try anyway.

"Thank you," she started, holding Jay's hand and looked at him straight in the eyes. "For giving me this necklace. For trusting me with something so precious to you, to your mom. I can't say how much I love this enough. And I promise you Jay, I'm going to take care of it." His eyes that were filled with sleep before just cleared and brightened at her words and he kissed her again.

"It belongs to you," he replied, massaging her shoulders softly. "It's yours. Just like I'm yours."

She smiled at his words. Jay was never one for overly flowery words which was just fine with her because Jay showed his love and affection the way she preferred—with his actions. She never doubted his love for her because even though he might not have said it every day, he showed it with everything he did. So whenever she would catch him in a rare vulnerable moment and he would expose that side of him that could make her blush and set her heart fluttering all in the same breath with his words, she would get taken aback.

"I'm yours too," she returned before fusing their lips together. She wanted to do nothing more than throw doctor's orders out the window and make love to this man right here, right now. His hands were sending her body on fire, touching her skin like they were mapping out the best path to give her the most pleasure. She got rid of her sweater quickly and pulled him closer so he was hovering over her, Jay careful not to put his weight on her. But she wanted his weight, she wanted to feel his chest flushed against her, skin on skin. She brought her leg across him to get his body even closer while he worked on leaving breathtaking kisses on her throat. She moaned in pleasure when she felt him getting hard against her core and he pressed harder against her. This was what she wanted and what she had been craving for ever since she woke up. His tongue had now traveled to her chest, dropping wet kisses on the valley between her breasts and she couldn't stop her fingers from stranding through his hair, almost tugging at them. He groaned when she bucked her body up and his hand went underneath her to gather her closer to him and her arms went around him as she easily followed.

"Wait wait wait," he stuttered out, pulling away from her—breathing heavily. "We can't."

"We can," she corrected as she returned her lips on him.

"No Erin," he tried again, keeping her at arm's length while he got himself under control. "We can't. Connor said no strenuous activity. I don't want to hurt you."

"You won't."

He groaned, dropping a fleeting kiss on her forehead. "Erin, as much as I'd love to," his eyes trailed down his body to the evidence of his desire for her, "we can't. Not until you're 100% better."

"But that might be a whole month away," she whined, pouting. How was she supposed to keep her hands off him for an entire month, she had no idea. Especially when all it took was just a look across the room for her to heat up and made her want to pull him against the nearest wall and have him.

"I know babe," Jay agreed, resting his head in the crevice of her neck, still breathing heavily. "It's harder for me. Literally." She chuckled at his lame joke, giving him a light smack on his back. "But the only thing that would be harder is to see you in pain."

"I think I'll feel nothing but pleasure," she returned, dropping her voice to the raspiness that she knew drove him crazy.

He groaned again, his head burying further in her neck. "Yeah for the first hour maybe. But then you'll feel that pain."

"An hour?" she raised her eyebrows suggestively. "Is that a promise?" she asked, in the same voice.

"You drive me crazy, you know that?" he retorted fondly, rolling his eyes. He lifted his head and placed a quick kiss on her lips. "I promise that when you are cleared by the doctor, I will spend the whole night showing you just how much I want you. That hour? It'll be a blip compared to what we'll do."

"Hmm," she hummed, her smile showing the dimples he loved so much. "I'll hold you to that," she replied, sealing the promise with a kiss.

* * *

After they spent the next hour just lazily kissing and touching each other everywhere they could, they finally managed to get out of bed. Voight was coming over in a few to see Erin and drop off her gift and they wanted to look at least decent when he arrived, Jay wanting to make sure he didn't look like he just spent the better part of the morning in bed, ravishing Voight's almost daughter.

Erin laughed as she watched Jay moved frantically around his place, tidying up the mess that wasn't there, running in and out of the rooms putting things away. She knew that Jay wanted things to be perfect for Voight's arrival—wanting to impress him—and her heart filled with even more affection for him. "Jay," she called out as he disappeared back into the bedroom, to put away her sweater that she had left out from before. "Jay!"

He popped his head out the door. "Yeah? You okay?" She nodded, patting the seat on the couch next to her. "Erin," he said, almost whining, "I still have to clean the bathroom."

"Jay," she called, "Voight's not even going see the bathroom in that room. If he does have to use it, he's going to use the one out here."

"But still," he began to protest but she shook her head, patting the seat next to her again. Sighing, he gave in and made his way over to her—sitting down. "I just want to make everything perfect so he doesn't have any complaints about you staying here."

Her mouth pulled into a smile at his words and she leaned in to give him a kiss. "You're amazing you know that?" He shrugged, a cocky smile taking over his face. "All Hank wants is for me to be happy and he knows that I'm happy here with you. Plus he sees me living here and this place spotless? He'll automatically think something's strange is going on."

"Yeah, you are messy." His quip earned him a smack on his arms as she scoffed, indignantly. "I just want everything to go perfectly. I don't want him to doubt whether or not I can take care of you or that you should be here."

She reached over to smooth the creases that formed between his brows. "Jay, he knows." She wanted to reassure him, touched by his efforts. "Voight knows that you can take care of me. He wouldn't have let me stay here for a night if he didn't so just relax babe. Everything will be fine. I'm not going anywhere even if Hank doesn't approve." She wanted to let him know that she was here because she wanted to be. She might have let Voight's opinions and rules kept her and Jay apart before but that was in the past. While Voight's opinion meant a lot to her, she'd no longer put it ahead of Jay's feelings. Jay came first.

* * *

It turned out just like Erin had expected and Jay was worried for nothing. Voight had stopped by, holding Erin's gift in his hand. Erin had a gift of her own for him, the latest grill that she had bought and had arranged a delivery to Voight's house.

"That's too much Erin," he said, giving her a thank you kiss after she gave him the receipt and the delivery details for the grill.

She waved his thank off. "Jay helped me pick it out and he chipped in for half actually. He wanted to get you something and we just thought it'd be perfect for you." Voight turned his eyes onto Jay who was sitting across from them, giving Voight a small tight smile, studying the older man's reaction.

"Hmm," Voight grunted. "Halstead, you should've saved that money now that you'll be without income for a month." The smile dropped from Jay's face and Erin gave Voight a glare. She knew that Voight liked Jay but it was a habit for him at this point to make Jay squirm.

"Hank," she said, her tone warning Voight to be nice.

"No, I wanted to get you something special for Christmas," Jay replied. "It really wasn't that much money." Erin rolled her eyes, keeping the true dollar amount to herself. She wouldn't call it little and she had planned to purchase the new grill for Voight herself but Jay had caught her browsing and had insisted on going in for half on the present.

"Now I feel bad that I didn't get you anything for Christmas Halstead."

"It's okay," Jay said, not expecting anything from Voight in the first place.

"I mean I didn't get you anything that I had to spend money on anyways," Voight interrupted, pulling out an envelope and handing it over to Jay, who seemed surprised that Voight had even gotten him a present in the first place.

He read the content of the envelope, his eyes widening as he read the letter. Erin waited as patiently as she could while Jay took in the present. "What is it?" she questioned, unable to stay quiet any longer.

"Wow," Jay stood up, shaking Voight's hands. "Thank you Sergeant." Voight shrugged, as though it wasn't a big deal. Now Erin's patience had ran out, having been kept in the dark while the two interacted. Voight chuckled, seeing the annoyance that started to make its way on Erin's face. "I just called in a few favors, pulled a couple of strings and made it so Halstead's suspension wouldn't be on his record."

"He managed to turn my suspension into a paid furlough," Jay added, still sounding surprised that Voight had gotten something for him in the first place.

"I would've gotten you back in the bullpen ASAP but I figured you'd want to spend time with Erin while she got back on her feet so."

"Hank," her voice was soft as she leaned over to give Voight a hug, happy that he was thoughtful enough and had accepted Jay's position in her life. "Thank you."

"Don't mention it," he muttered, staring down Jay. "Really, don't mention it again. Let's not make this a habit." Erin laughed, amused at how uncomfortable they both looked. The two most important people in her life getting along—or trying to anyways—was all she needed for Christmas.

* * *

"So what's up? You look like you have something to tell me." Erin was left alone with Voight while Jay was busy in the kitchen, making something for her to eat. She knew that he had just wanted to give them a moment alone by themselves so he had removed himself.

Hank sighed, looking over to the kitchen to see what Jay was doing before turning back to Erin. "Bunny contacted me." Erin took in a sharp breath. "She saw your accident on the news so she knows you were in town."

Erin's stomach dropped at Hank's words. That was the last thing she wanted to happen. She didn't want Bunny having any inkling that she was back in Chicago. "What did she want?"

"To know if you were okay. And she was asking questions like whether you were back in town for good or not."

Erin's eyes narrowed. "You didn't tell her I'm moving back did you?" Jay heard the distress in Erin's voice and he made his way back to her, sitting down on the arm rest of the couch.

"What's going on?"

"Bunny," Erin replied, shaking her head. "She found out about my accident and was asking Hank questions if I'm back or not."

"You didn't tell her anything, did you?" Jay asked sharply, staring down Voight.

Voight crossed his arms. "Of course I didn't." Both Erin and Jay released sighs of relief at Voight's answer. "I didn't tell her anything except that you were fine and that you were back in New York. I also warned her again to stay away from you just in case she needed a reminder."

"Thank you Hank," Erin said, the worry that started to build when she heard Bunny's name slowly going away. Bunny was like a shark in the water, ready to pounce as soon as she smelled a hint of blood. She didn't want or need Bunny anywhere near her. She didn't want Bunny to have any idea that she was back in Chicago.

Voight left shortly after, reassuring her again that Bunny wouldn't come anywhere near her. Erin tried not to let Bunny ruin her Christmas just by the mention of her name. She really wanted to stop letting her mother have that much power over her life. No, this was going to be a good day and Bunny wouldn't ruin it for Erin.

* * *

The rest of the team came over steadily throughout the day. Kevin and Olinsky making quick appearances—having their own family to spend Christmas day with—but they wanted to hear from Erin about whether or not she accepted the job back in Intelligence. So everyone gathered in the living room, Erin on the couch and Kim next to her—and the rest of the guys sat on the floor, around the coffee table.

"Not that I don't like my new cell phone case," Adam started, holding up the new case that was practically indestructible that Erin had gotten him after the countless time she has caught Adam dropping his phone, "the only thing I want is to hear the words from you Lindsay that you're back, officially." Everyone's eyes turned on her, waiting for her answer. "Well?"

Erin glanced over at Jay, who just nodded at her encouragingly. "I've decided to take Crowley's offer and come back to Intelligence, if you guys will have me." She held her breath, shrugging her shoulders and waited for everyone to react. Suddenly the room erupted in cheer at her answer and she found herself in the arms of her team, all congratulating her and welcoming her back genuinely. She felt so loved and welcomed by the people she loved the most that she found herself tearing up at their reaction, trying her best not to let her tears fall.

"I can't believe I get my best friend back," Kim gushed, wiping away her tears and pulled Erin into a tight hug. "I'm so happy."

"Me too," Erin returned, both of them swaying side to side still in the tight embrace. "You have no idea how much."

"When are you going to be back officially?"

"I still have my medical leave so I'll be back in the bullpen probably by February," Erin replied, already feeling the itch of wanting to get back to work.

"Well we can't wait to have you back," Antonio said. "But take your time, get yourself 100% better before you come back." Erin nodded, hugging Antonio.

"I can't wait."

* * *

The air felt different but familiar as soon as Erin stepped out of LaGuardia, Jay following behind closely carrying their luggage. After spending a couple of more days in Chicago after Christmas, they finally made it to New York, probably the last time for her in the city for a long while. Not that she was having second thoughts or regretting her decision to move back to Chicago. Especially when she was reminded again that the milder winter in New York—compared to Chicago anyways—was the only feature she liked more about New York City over Chicago. Really, it was kind of sad that the weather was the only thing she had found more likable about the city during her two years here.

They took the cab ride back to Erin's place and she was nervous to let Jay see where she had been living for the past two years. She opened the door to let Jay in and he entered, dropping the bags by the door and glancing around her place, taking it all in.

"So this is your place huh?" Jay muttered as he walked over to the windows and glancing out to see the view. She joined him by the window, crossing her arms.

"It's no Chicago skyline," she said, looking out at the buildings. "More of a concrete jungle." Her place was right in the middle of Lower Manhattan, Erin wanting to stay close to her work when she was at FBI. Long commute wasn't her thing, especially since she moved to New York and relied on public transportation so she found a building on Broadway that was just modern enough for her liking. When she made her transfer over to SVU, she didn't bother moving since her place was also close enough to the courthouses and places she had to frequent for her job. "But it's a safe building and I got a good price on it so," she finished, shrugging.

"You own the place?"

Erin nodded. "Part of my compensation package from FBI. All it took me was a bullet to my back," she joked but Jay didn't laugh, not finding the humor in her getting shot. "Want something to drink?" Erin asked, wanting to change the topic. "I left in a hurry so everything in the fridge probably already gone bad so I probably just have water and a six pack."

"I'm good," Jay replied, wrapping his arms around Erin. "Give me a tour?" Erin nodded, taking Jay's hand to give him the tour of her place. Jay was quiet as he followed her around, room to room. Erin's place was pretty bare, Erin just opting to have the essentials. She had most of her stuff from her old place stored in Voight's place, not wanting to bring them to New York with her, just wanting a fresh start. At least it made packing up things easier, she really just had to pack up her clothes and a few personal items and take them back to Chicago with her.

"Have you thought about what you're going to do with the place?"

"Probably keep it," Erin replied, sitting down on the couch slowly. Her thigh was still recovering and she was still limping but she was determined to go without her crutches, much to the chagrin of Jay. "Turn it into income property. Have you seen the monthly rent I can get for this place? Got to love realty prices in New York City."

"Hmm, sounds like I'm getting myself a sugar momma," Jay joked. "I don't mind being a kept man, just sit around, doing nothing and just have you use my body for your pleasure."

"You're an idiot," Erin said, chuckling. "Nah, whatever money I'm going to get from leasing this place out is going to rent in Chicago."

Jay's face turned serious, turning his body on the couch to completely face Erin. "Rent?"

Erin nodded. "Yeah," she replied, "I have to live somewhere and it won't be free."

"Oh," Jay's face fell. He cleared his throat a couple of times before quietly saying, "I thought you were going to be living with me. At my place." His voice sounded unsure and Erin frowned.

"We haven't exactly talked about where I'd be living permanently," Erin replied, shrugging. "We should probably do that," Erin said, stating the obvious. "What are you thinking?"

He grabbed her hand and intertwined their fingers together. "I'm thinking I want you to live with me at my place. I want you there 24/7, I want to go to sleep next to you and wake up and you be the first thing I see in the morning, even if you are grumpy in the morning and I want us to make my place into our place."

Erin smiled. "Yeah?" she asked, Jay nodded, not hesitating a bit. "Jay, I want nothing more than live with you and sleep next to you every night even though you snore super loud," she quipped back. "I just didn't want to assume or push things too fast. I thought maybe you'd want some space now that the whole thing was Stan is done and finished."

Jay shook his head. "I don't," he quickly refuted. "I don't want space. I have had enough space for the past two years. I just want you with me."

Erin leaned in and kissed Jay. "Me too," her voice was soft but sure. There was nothing she wanted more in the world than to move in with Jay, for them to officially share a home.

Jay's face brightened and he squeezed her fingers. "Erin Lindsay," he said, grinning and the corner of his eyes crinkling in the way Erin completely adored. "Will you move in with me? Officially?"

Erin chuckled softly at his question. "Yeah," she replied, nodding quickly, elation on her face. "Yes, Jay Halstead. I will move in with you." She chuckled at how ridiculously cheesy they were being, a complete contrast to the first time Jay had asked her to move in with him.

He leaned in, studying her face closely and grinning at the certainty he found in her eyes, before kissing her deeply, both of them ecstatic and excited about the future.

* * *

Olivia had insisted on throwing Erin a good bye gathering, Erin having informed Olivia of her plan to leave SVU and return to Chicago. So it was the night before New Year Eve and it was also the night of the small party in Erin's honor at Olivia's place. Erin and Jay made plans to stop by the Rockefeller Center right before heading to the party, wanting to see the tree that they talked so much about while they were here and the tree was still up.

Jay buttoned up his dress shirt and was deciding on whether to wear a tie or not. He knew that the gathering was small and mostly casual but he still wanted to put in the effort. After all, the party was for Erin and he was grateful toward everyone in SVU for treating his girl so well over the year. He had decided on a cobalt blue tie that matched his eyes and went out to the living room to finish putting it on, Erin still putting on her makeup in the bathroom. He pulled the knot on the tie up until it fit comfortably around his neck, checking out his reflection in the window. His eyes got caught on the picture frame in the background of the reflection and he turned around and made his way over to the mantle, taking a closer look at the picture Erin had up. He couldn't stop the fond smile that came over his face when he saw the picture of Erin when she was younger in her ballerina outfit, grinning widely at the camera, her dimples showing. He had seen this picture before and it was just as adorable as he remembered, a peek into a rare happy moment of Erin's childhood. Suddenly his heart filled with love and longing, his mind imaging a little girl of their own with his freckles and Erin's dimples, running around their home, all dressed up in her own pink tutu. He could easily imagine their little girl, just twirling and dancing around in her dress, without a care in the world while he and Erin watched on, their hearts full of love for the little human that they created together.

His fingers made their way on to the picture frame, skimming it gently. He had never really thought much about whether or not he wanted kids but in that moment as he imagined a mini Erin running straight into his arms, hearing her happy squeals in his head, he had never been more sure that he wanted a family, as long as it was with Erin. The thought of them having a family of their own one day made him more excited than he ever thought possible. He was too caught up in his fantasy that he didn't hear Erin come out of the bathroom until he felt her arms wrapped around him from behind, kissing the shell of his ears.

"What are you looking at?" she asked softly as his eyes remained on the picture.

"I love this picture of you," Jay replied, holding up the frame to get a closer look. "You were so cute."

"Hmm, are you saying I'm not cute anymore?" she teased. He turned around in her arms and got a good look at her and how stunning she looked, all dressed up. She was so beautiful, absolutely flawless in his eyes.

He brought his own arms around her and pulled her close. "Now you're absolutely gorgeous," he replied, eyeing her up and down. "Stunning," he whispered, face just inches away from hers. Erin hummed happily at his answer, leaning in to meet his lips.

"Good answer. Can you zip me up?" She turned around, showing him her exposed back as she stood, most of her weight on her good leg. She had opted for a knee length dress, wanting to hide the wrap that was still around her thigh but she looked beautiful all the same to Jay, the green color of the dress making her eyes sparkle even more than usual. He zipped her dress up slowly, fingers teasing the bare skin that aligned the path of the dress. He leaned down to kiss her exposed shoulder, sucking the skin softly before moving his mouth over to her neck, her scent intoxicating him. "Jay," she gasped softly, his lips working their usual magic on her skin. "We have to go." He groaned into her neck, pecking it before pulling away reluctantly.

"Alright," he sighed, putting on his jacket and Erin stepped into his space, hands adjusting the tie on his neck. "How do I look?"

"Decent enough," she shrugged, earning a glare from him. She laughed at his reaction. "You look hot babe. All the girls will be jealous of me."

"The only women I know would be Olivia and Amanda at this thing and I'm pretty sure I'm not their type."

"Jay Halstead? Not somebody's type? Impossible."

"Okay, now you're just teasing me." he said, rolling his eyes. "Come on. Our tree is waiting for us." He helped Erin put her jacket on, bundling her tight so she'd remained warm and they headed out to see the Rockefeller Center tree that they've talked so much about.

* * *

It was absolutely breathtaking, Erin thought, as she stood and took in the tree that stood proudly in front of the Rockefeller Center. It was massive and was completely filled with multi-colored lights with a huge star on top of the tree. The lights were absolutely blinding, the sheer amount of them completely lit up the area and filled it with beauty

"It's so pretty!" Erin gasped as she curled her arm around Jay, leaning her body weight on him. She had decided to forgo the crutches and Jay had been patient with her, acting as her support, as they exited the cab and she had practically limped around, determined to make her way without her crutches.

"Yeah," Jay agreed, holding her tighter. "I can't believe this is your first time seeing it," he murmured as he looked up to take in the whole tree.

"You see all these people around?" Erin asked, glancing around at the crowd that surrounded them, all clamoring for space to take their own pictures. Erin didn't do large crowds, especially tourists, already feeling a little bit overwhelmed by the amount of people around her. And it was supposed to be considered a lighter crowd than usual, Christmas already having passed and New Year not yet here. "The only reason I'm even here right now is because you're here with me. You make things more bearable."

Jay bent down to catch Erin's lips, kissing her soundly. "The tree is beautiful," he started, their faces close together that their visible breaths in the cold mixed together. "But I like our tree a lot better."

She grinned, rolling her eyes before closing the gap between them. "Me too," she admitted softly against his lips. "It's definitely the better tree."

* * *

After taking several pictures of themselves—where Jay had shown off his smile that Erin loved just like he promised—they decided that they had enough of fawning over the tree and had enough of being pushed by the crowd and made their way over to Olivia's place.

"Hey," Olivia greeted warmly as Jay and Erin made their way inside to her place, happy for the warmth that was waiting for them inside. "Thank you," Olivia said as she accepted the bottle of wine that Jay had brought for her. "Come in," she led them inside where her SVU team was already there and waiting for them.

"It's the guest of honor," Dodds greeted happily, coming over to wrap Erin up in a tight hug and dropping a kiss on her forehead. "How you feeling partner?"

"Great," Erin said, patting Dodd's arms. Suddenly she felt a wave of sadness passed her at Dodd calling her partner, knowing they'd no longer be partners.

"You sure you're okay to be walking around like this?" Fin asked, concern written on his face at Erin leaning on Jay. "Where are your crutches?"

"I'm not walking around the city using crutches," Erin retorted. "I'm fine. I just can't put much weight on it and can't walk too fast."

"Hmm," Fin just said, not completely believing Erin. "Alright, then come and sit down and rest your feet. You're the guest of the hour." Erin followed as Fin led her to the empty couch, sitting down on it gently. Jay shook Fin's hands and sat down next to her.

"I can't believe you're leaving us," Amanda said, face sullen at the thought of Erin leaving. "You sure we can't change your mind?"

Erin's mouth formed into a sad smile at the thought of leaving SVU. She was going to miss her team so much. While she might not have liked New York City much—hating her time working for F.B.I—her team at SVU was a completely different story. They had easily welcomed her and made her feel like she had a family in the city and despite the short time she had been at SVU, they had managed to make their way into her heart and she teared up at the thought of leaving them.

"Hey no tears tonight," Carisi chided, handing Erin a glass of wine. "This is supposed to be a celebration."

"Yeah," Amanda agreed, wiping away evidence of her own tears and sniffing to hold more back. "We're so happy for you. Really Erin." Erin nodded, holding up her glass to meet everyone's in a cheer, taking a sip of the liquid afterwards. She felt Jay's silent but unwavering support when his hand reached for hers to lace their fingers together and she was reminded again of why she was moving back to Chicago. That no matter how much she was going to miss her team in New York, she belonged in Chicago, she belonged with Jay.

* * *

They had been pulled in different directions as the night went on as Fin had engaged Jay in a deep conversation that had both of them completely enthralled and engrossed in so Erin had made her way around the room, making small talks and saying her goodbye to other members from the precinct, knowing that it was likely the last time she'd see them. She was pulled into a conversation with the secretary that worked with them that she didn't notice Ewan's arrival until she glanced over to Jay and found Jay and Ewan standing together, talking.

She grew nervous as she watched them from across the room, unable to decipher what they were talking about. She knew Jay wasn't too fond of Ewan, despite Erin telling him that Ewan was just a friend, no matter how much Ewan wanted to be more. She bit her lips, wanting to go over to them when Amanda held her back. "Don't worry," she said quietly in Erin's ear. "They're both behaving."

That didn't stop Erin from wanting go over to them so she made her way over, ready to intercept if their civil conversation turned otherwise. She almost halted in her steps when she saw Jay stuck his hand out, waiting for Ewan to shake it and she frowned in confusion as the two men shook hands, Jay a small smile on his face while Ewan's remained stoic.

"Hey," she said as she reached them, trying to put on her most sure smile. "Ewan."

He returned her smile and leaned over to give her a peck on the cheeks. Erin caught Jay's eyes and he seemed fine enough at the interaction between her and Ewan. "Erin," Ewan said, holding Erin's hands. "I heard that you were moving back to Chicago."

"Yeah," Erin confirmed. "I'm here to pack up my things."

The sadness was palpable on Ewan's face. "I'm going to miss you a lot," he said, frowning. "I can't believe you're leaving. Anything I can say to convince you to stay?"

Erin shook her head. "Afraid not." She glanced over at Jay, who gave her a smile. "But it's not like you're never going to see me again. You're still coming to Chicago to treat Tara right?"

"Of course," Ewan replied, keeping his promise to Erin from earlier to help Tara out. "As soon as her doctor in Chicago clear her, I'm on my way."

She hugged him, patting his back. "Thank you Ewan," she said genuinely. "For everything you did for me. You have no idea how much I appreciate it. You're a great friend."

He returned her hug, squeezing her tightly. "You're welcome," Ewan replied, sadness clouding his voice, especially with Erin reiterating that she saw him just as friends. He turned to Jay. "You're a lucky man."

"I am."

"I actually have a shift soon so I should get going," Ewan said, "I just wanted to swing by and make sure I saw you before you left. I'm going to miss you Erin. Take care of yourself and remember, anything you need I'm one call away." Erin nodded as Ewan turned back to Jay. "Take care of her."

Jay just nodded, holding out his hand again to shake Ewan's. "Thanks again man. For everything." Ewan didn't reply, just a quick tilt of his head to acknowledge Jay's words and he leaned in for a final quick kiss on the cheek with Erin and he turned and left, shoulders sagged, sadness radiating off of the doctor.

"What were you two talking about earlier?" Erin asked as she watched Ewan leave Olivia's place.

Jay dropped his head, quiet for a second that Erin wasn't sure if he was going to answer her. "I just wanted to thank him," Jay finally replied, catching Erin by surprise. "For what he did for you."

"I didn't think you liked him," Erin said sheepishly. She was half expecting to have to pull Jay off of Ewan when she saw the two of them together so she was definitely caught off guard when their interaction had been nothing but civil. She really should've given Jay more credit.

"I'm still not a fan of the guy," Jay said, referring to the cocky nature of the confident doctor. "But he helped you when you were in the hospital. He's a big part of the reason why you're standing here tonight. How can I not thank the guy when he helped out the woman I love? Everything else doesn't matter." Erin beamed, Jay continuing to surprise her over and over again with the depth of his love for her. After all, wasn't that what love was? To put aside all the personal bullshit and put the other's well-being and happiness first? Where the most important thing was making sure that nothing but good things happened for the one you love, no matter how it affected you. Just when Erin thought it wasn't possible to love Jay more, he continued to prove her wrong—that it was possible to love him even more than she did at the moment.

* * *

"I did two tours in Afghanistan then I came home and signed up for the academy," Jay repeated his life story for the umpteenth time this evening, making small talks with the random people from the SVU's precinct, most of them he never met before. They were nice enough but it was getting tedious, having to repeat the same thing over and over again. Small talks were never his thing and sharing his life story even more so but he wanted to be polite and gave off a good impression, for Erin's sakes. So he sucked it up and just tried to listen—or pretend to listen as best he could—as a detective droned on and on about his arrest record and the medal of honor he received from the Mayor of New York, clearly proud of himself.

After the third repeat of the same story, Jay had already tuned the guy out, eyes just glancing around the room before landing on Erin across the room. A love struck grin came on his face when he spotted Erin holding Noah in her arms, playing with Olivia's son, making the little boy laugh out loud. He stood absolutely captivated as Erin bounced Noah on her leg and tickled him, making the boy squealed out in giddiness and for the second time that night, he got lost in the fantasy of he and Erin having a child of their own—only this time instead of a little girl in a ballerina dress, it was a little boy, toothy grin and missing tooth, dressed in his little league outfit. He saw himself hoisting their son up to his shoulders as Erin walked next to them, arms hooked onto Jay's as she warned him affectionately to be careful. He would roll his eyes at her fondly before playfully dipping their son to tease Erin and she would smack his chest. But their faces would be smiling, happiness beaming off of the three of them, their little family in their own little world.

"So what do you think Jay?"

"It sounds amazing," he replied, voice filled with awe.

"You think the growing vitriol against the police is amazing?" Jay snapped out of his fantasy at the disbelief that came from the person he was tuning out. Jay cleared his throat, having been caught not paying attention to the conversation that was happening around him.

"Yeah, I just think it's amazing that people care so much," Jay said, trying to cover his ass. "Not that vitriol against the police is amazing or anything. Excuse me," he excused himself, feeling the glares on his back from the people he walked away from. He needed a drink and to snap himself out of his fantasy. If Erin knew what he was dreaming of for the second time that day—Erin and him with a kid of their own—he was pretty sure she'd be running for the hills. He needed to take things slowly and the last thing he wanted to do was to rush Erin. They had just decided to live together officially, they had plenty of time for marriage and babies in the future. But he couldn't stop the smile that kept taking over his face at the thought of them becoming parents but for now, he'd keep it to himself in his heart. His own little secret until Erin was ready.

* * *

"I'm going to miss him so much," Erin murmured as she blew kisses on Noah's face. "You gonna miss me Noah?" The little boy didn't reply, just giggling happily as Erin blew more kisses. "Say you're going to miss your Auntie Erin."

Olivia chuckled fondly as she watched Erin and her son interact. "He's going to miss you. We all will Erin."

"Me too," Erin said, letting Noah go so he can run off to play with his toys in the corner, Erin watching him happily. After watching Noah play with his train, she turned to Olivia. "I can't say enough how much I owe you Olivia," Erin started, holding Olivia's hand. "You've done so much for me and I can't thank you enough."

Olivia patted Erin's hands, smiling sadly. "You don't ever have to thank me," Olivia replied. "I'm happy for you really. You're going home, where you belong."

"Thank you," Erin stressed, making sure Olivia knew just grateful she was to the older woman who in the short time had become a mother figure that Erin never had. She deeply respected her, always ready to help Erin out whenever she needed and knowing when to hold Erin responsible. "For giving me a chance. For giving me my own little family in this cold city when I felt lost and alone. For making me see that there was someone out there that cared about me when I needed it the most and for making me safe when I was terrified."

"Stop, you're making me cry," Olivia chided as she wiped away the tears that welled up in her eyes. She exhaled, trying to hold in her tears. "This is supposed to be a happy occasion."

Erin agreed, her own tears falling. "I know," she chuckled, wiping her own face. "But I'm going to miss you so much."

"I'm not leaving your life," Olivia proclaimed. "I'm just a plane ride and a phone call away whenever you need me. You know where to find me. You're going to be alright Erin," she said, holding Erin's face. "Remember what I said though. Let the people you love in and I promise, you'll be just fine." Erin nodded, leaning into her touch.

"I will. I promise."

* * *

Erin was tuckered out, both physically and emotionally, but she had just one more person to say goodbye to before she and Jay made their exit. She approached her partner and laid her hand on his shoulder to get his attention. "Hey partner."

He grinned at her. "I guess that's the last time we'll get to call each other that huh?"

Erin smiled, nodding. She was going to miss having Dodds as her partner. They didn't get along at first, both clashing constantly, but they had learned to appreciate each other's differences over their time together and had formed a strong brother-sister relationship and she was going to miss seeing him every day. "I know your new partner won't be as awesome as me," Erin teased, rolling her shoulders. "I mean, really who is?"

"Yeah, they definitely won't be."

"Take care of yourself, especially now that I won't be here to watch your back anymore."

Dodds flashed her his award winning smile. "Got it," he agreed, hugging her tightly. "You too. I'll admit that Halstead might be prettier than me but I'm pretty sure I'm better with the gun so you be careful back in Chicago."

Erin laughed. "Don't let him hear you say that. Keep in touch okay?" Dodds nodded, agreeing and they hugged one final time for the night, him leaving a kiss on her head. "I'll see you soon okay?"

* * *

Erin sighed, taking in the room one last time, seeing the faces of the people she considered friends and family in New York, knowing that it was the last time she'd be seeing most of them for a while. She had no idea that she would feel this sad at the thought of leaving them, didn't think she had gotten so attached to her unit. Jay stood next to her—supporting her weight as always—and he gave her a comforting smile, rubbing her shoulder softly. "Ready to go?"

Erin nodded, reaching down to lace their fingers together. "Ready," she replied and they made their exit, Erin waving everyone goodbye one last time, her team at SVU waving back, smiles on their faces—all happy for Erin to return home—no matter how much they'd miss her.

* * *

They had the rooftop to themselves, just like Erin had predicated and hoped for. Everyone else had probably opted to go for the many celebrations that were taking place in the City but all Erin needed was Jay to ring in the New Year with. She and Jay made their way up to the empty rooftop about fifteen minutes before the clock struck midnight, wanting to take in the atmosphere before the countdown began and the fireworks started.

Jay poured them champagne and handed her a glass as she huddled underneath her coat, trying to stay as warm as she could. It was snowing lightly, snow flurries coming down faintly gathering on the ground and some falling in her hair. Jay let out a soft laugh as he tenderly brushed away the flurries of snow that made it onto her face, Erin's eyes closing at his tender touch. They heard the faint sounds of the parties and celebrations that were happening around them but it only added to the atmosphere instead of detracting from it. She held her glass up and Jay clinked their glasses together, toasting each other as they waited for midnight.

"This is perfect," Erin broke the quietness as she settled in Jay's arms while they sat on the bench. "This is everything I'd hoped it would be." Jay kissed the side of her head, resting his lips on the cold skin, his arms hugging her tighter to him.

"It's almost time," Jay spoke into her skin as he held up his watch—Erin's present to him—and the watch read 11:59. She and Jay smiled at each other, ready to countdown to midnight and ring in 2020 together.

"_5, 4, 3, 2..1!"_

They counted down together as the atmosphere around them exploded, the nearby parties and celebrations out on the streets erupting in cheers and cries of "Happy New Year" but Erin and Jay were lost in their own world, their lips meeting in a passionate kiss, as the song _Auld Lang Syne_ played softly around them, echoing from the neighboring buildings that were hosting their own New Year's parties.

"Happy New Year," Jay whispered as his hand caressed Erin's face.

"Happy New Year," Erin returned, face filled with happiness as she gazed into Jay's piercing blue eyes that stood out brightly against the dark atmosphere. Erin's own face was lit up by the start of the fireworks and she stood up, excited to watch the fireworks show that started to celebrate the New Year. She pulled Jay's hand to get him up and she made her way slowly over to the edge of the roof, leaning over to see the firework display that was taking place over the Hudson River, her rooftop giving them a perfect view of the annual show.

"Wow," Erin exclaimed in awe as the pyrotechnics exploded in the sky, the falling snow only adding to the beauty of it—the falling flakes changing and mirroring the colors as they fall from the sky. "It's so beautiful."

Jay agreed, draping the blanket they brought up over both of them as he stood behind her, wrapping them up underneath the soft material, enveloping them in a cocoon of warmth and love. He nuzzled her neck, feeling the soft strands of her hair against his face and he hummed his happiness. She turned into his touch, smiling widely when she felt him smile against her. She turned her attention back on to the view, the fireworks still exploding above them, and she didn't think she could be happier than she was in this moment.

She turned in his embrace and she brought her arms around Jay so she can softly play with the hair on the nape of his neck. "I love you," she said, eyes gazing into his. He grinned happily, leaning in to nuzzle their noses together, their lips ghosting over each other, their breaths blending together harmoniously.

"I love you too," he voiced, sincerity mixing in with the cold air. "So much," he added before crashing their lips together, sending both of them to their own heaven on earth. Erin pulled him closer to her, her arms making their way to his stomach so she can get him closer than close and he snaked his own arms around her back, tugging her flushed against him. There were no more needs for words, their lips would do all the talking needed, as they held each other as tight as they could, snow falling around them quieting all the noises, even the explosion of colors in the sky still happening in the distance.

And Erin just knew that in her heart that 2020 would be their year.

* * *

A/N: I got to say I'm going to miss the SVU team.

Anyways, I have had a couple of people PMing me about the future of this fic since the case with Stan has pretty much came to a close. And yes, I will be continuing the story as I still have a lot more planned in store for Erin and Jay so I just hope you guys stay with me as we move onto the next chapter for Linstead.


	27. Chapter 27

Seriously guys, thank you for all the responses last chapter. I always love reading your reviews and I'm happy that you guys are interested in reading more of this story.

Really, I wanted to put up an update earlier but I celebrated the beginning of 2020 with a cold that knocked me on my ass. So I do apologize for the late update but I am really excited about what's coming up in the next couple of chapters. Enjoy~!

* * *

Chapter 27

It had taken them three days—relatively quick three days—to pack up everything that Erin had wanted to keep and shipped them back to Chicago. Everything had fit into simple four cardboard boxes and Erin stood, pondering just what kind of empty life she had lived in the past two years where all of her important belongings can be summarized up in just four beige boxes. But that was then—she thought as Jay wrapped his arms around her from behind—and this was now.

Now, she was flying back to Chicago and returning home, where she belonged. Despite enjoying her time with the SVU and appreciating the relationships and friendships that she had formed with her old team, she couldn't stop the smile that was practically pasted on her face—and Jay's—as they went through Erin's things and had separated them into two piles—keep and donate.

They had even lucked out and found a tenant that would lease out Erin's place quickly—a young woman looking for a fresh start and she had reminded Erin so much of herself that she had given her new tenant a good deal on her place. So now everything was done and ready. They had a flight back to O'Hare in the morning and they had decided to spend their last night in New York back on the rooftop where they rang in the New Year.

Olivia insisted on sending them off at the airport and she and Dodds—who had made his case that it was his last duty as her partner to be there—had hugged and waved them goodbye as she and Jay boarded the plane hand in hand. They were practically giddy on the flight, hands intertwined and never separating, as the airtight capsule flew through the clouds—Jay and Erin in the cloud 9 of their own. Finally they touched down in Chicago a couple of hours later and as Jay held her closer to him as they exited the airport, Erin truly felt like she had come home.

* * *

They were both looking forward to settling back down. After the rollercoaster of the past couple of months with the case with Yates and the nightmare that was Erin getting hurt, Jay was actually excited about not having to go to work for a few weeks and just spending time with Erin and helping her fully recover. He knew that she was itching to get 100% better—scheduling her first physical therapy session as soon as she could—and he couldn't exactly blame her as he watched the energy she had to exert just to get around their place. _Their place._ The smile that had been permanently glued to his face didn't seem to be going away anytime soon, especially whenever he thought of his place as now theirs.

"Babe," he called, walking over to where she was standing to grab the pile of her sweaters she was carrying. "Let me help." She wouldn't let go, instead tugging her sweaters closer to her chest as she resumed the tedious journey—for her anyways—that stretched from their living room to their bedroom. He rolled his eyes at her stubbornness. No matter how much he insisted on helping her out, she refused—claiming that she wasn't crippled and she wasn't going to spend the next six weeks of her life on the couch. So he let her be, knowing that she was fiercely independent and loving her for it.

Instead he slowly followed her from behind and watched from the doorway as she opened a dresser and stored her sweaters away. Again the damn smile took over his face again—his jaw would be in pain if he wasn't so damn happy—as he watched her laid her belongings next to his little by little until his and hers were just now _theirs_—just like it was always meant to be.

"I noticed that your pajamas pile was much smaller," he spoke from the doorway, raising his eyebrows. "Any reason?"

She returned with a quirk of the eyebrows of her own before shrugging. "I knew you'd be willing to share your shirts with me so I figured those pajamas could be put to better use for someone else. Besides," she continued, dropping her voice to that raspy tone that drove him crazy, "I made sure to keep all the lacy ones," she emphasized her statement with a suggestive raise of her eyebrow. He felt blood rushed straight to his groin at her suggestive statement, groaning because he wasn't able to do anything of the things he had been dying to do. Erin was under strict order from the doctor not to do any strenuous activity for at least a month and everything Jay had in mind of what he wanted to do with her was definitely strenuous.

"You're killing me," he muttered as she giggled, satisfied with the reaction she elicited from him.

"One month," she commented, running her eyes up and down his body as he approached closer to her, closing the distance between them. "Think you can handle the wait?"

He caught her lips with his own, gripping her waist so she was pulled against him completely. "Definitely not," he murmured between kisses, his hands traveling to her back to get her even closer. Then she let out a moan that sounded so seductive to his ears that he had to pull away from her, groaning loudly as he dropped his head on her shoulders. "You're killing me," he repeated as he buried his face in her neck. "You're so damn irresistible," he muttered into her neck. "How am I supposed to survive the next 30 days with all this pent up energy?"

"I have an idea," she said, again using that voice of hers that drove him wild and Jay brought his head up just in time to catch her smirk.

* * *

"Left, left, little bit more." He groaned as sweat began to drip down his forehead as Erin repeated her instructions. "Right there. There. That's perfect!"

"You're sure this time?"

"Yep," Erin smiled, patting his chest as she studied the dresser that used to be in their bedroom, now in the guest room. "This is the perfect spot. Now we can get a big comfy chair for the bedroom."

Jay had insisted that Erin change whatever she wanted to around the place, determined to make her feel at home as much as he could. It took several coaxing from him and she certainly didn't have any extravagant plans like he did when he first moved in to her place with the 65 inch flat screen but she had wanted to add a big comfy chair to the bedroom. It didn't take much convincing—just the image of what they could do on that chair immediately had him moving one of the dressers they didn't need into the other bedroom. However, he had to admit he was surprised by how much of a perfectionist Erin was when it came to home décor. He had told her several time to make everything how she wanted it and she certainly took that to heart, taking the opportunity to turn him into her own labor boy.

But she was right. Moving around furniture—repeatedly until they were in the exact spots that Erin wanted—was certainly a good way to expend all of his pent up energy. But he had a feeling Erin wasn't done just yet, judging by that cloying smile she had on her face.

"Yes?" he asked with a knowing tone as she walked closer to him.

"Don't be mad," she warned him, giving him a smile. "But I think I like the dresser better on the other side." She bit her lips as though she was anticipating him getting mad. But really, who were they kidding? They both knew that he was a sucker for her and her dimples, even if he rolled his eyes at her request, knowing he was just doing it for effect.

At least she rewarded his efforts with a kiss.

* * *

"So what do you think?" she asked from the couch, watching him place the last of the item on the shelf. He stepped back and admired the changes around the room. What was once a pretty bare and impersonal living room now was decorated with several of Erin's things that she kept in storage over at Voight's. Now the place looked like there wasn't just a lonely brokenhearted bachelor living there but instead a couple, made obvious by the feminine touch mixed with several of his sports memorabilia.

"It looks great," he admitted, joining her on the couch and she immediately cuddled into his arms. "You were right, that chair does look better by the window." She hummed happily at him admitting that despite all the heavy lifting and pushing by him, she was right about everything. His only contribution—aside from the hard labor—had been his insistence to place the picture of little Erin in the ballerina outfit on the mantle by the fireplace. He had placed the frame on there as Erin busied herself with other part of the room but the smile that came over her face when she saw the picture told him that she had approved. Even now whenever his eyes caught a glance of the picture, his face broke out in the sappiest grin. It was like his own promise of '_one day'. _One that he was keeping to himself until Erin was ready. One day when there would be a picture of their daughter or son next to his favorite picture. He couldn't wait. "How about you? What do you think?"

"Hmm," Erin laid her head on his chest, running her fingers over his heart. She turned her head and looked up at him, her dimples caving in on her face. "Feels like home." The corner of his lips turned up at her words and he pressed a kiss to her head. "I feel like I'm finally home."

* * *

If the heavy snores that were coming from the other side of the bed was any indication, it seemed as though moving heavy furnitures around all day had tired Jay out. Instead of being annoyed by the loud noises, Erin was glad that Jay was having an easier time sleeping. Besides it wasn't as though she could blame her restless night of sleep—a common occurrence the past couple of nights—on his snores anyway. The blame went solely on the dreams she kept on having whenever she just drifted off to sleep.

Apparently now that all the holidays were over and things were finally calming down and returning to normal, her mind had decided it was the perfect time to conjure up nightmares and recall more pieces of memory from that night that she wished had went away forever or be all tucked into the corner of her mind where she couldn't ever reach it. But the lack of distractions and the end of seasonal celebrations had gave way to clear up the fog of what happened during her abduction and little by little her memory came back.

Whenever she fell asleep, she dreamt of falling through the windows. Only each time, she got closer and closer to the ground, waking up in time just before she fully hit the ground. But each time, cold sweats would cover her body, making her shiver even more. She had refrained from seeking Jay's warmth, not wanting to be selfish and wake him up when he had been sleeping well the past couple of days—making up for the days he had missed sleep because of her. Instead she tried to go make herself fall asleep again—praying that this slumber would bring better dreams.

* * *

_She felt his hands on her body, skimming slowly as though he had all the time in the world. She couldn't move, she couldn't fight him off, wanting his disgusting touch away from her. Instead she had laid there, helpless, unable to stop him from opening up the buttons on her shirt before moving down to her pants and pulling them off until she was left in her underwear. She wanted to break his hands that was touching her inner thigh, anger surging inside of her but she couldn't lift her hands. Then her world went black. _

Erin's eyes snapped open, blinking several times so her eyes adjusted to the darkness of the room. She felt Jay's warm breath on her neck and his arms around her stomach and she tried to keep her body from trembling. She didn't want to wake him up and deal with her bullshit so early in the morning.

"You okay?" his voice was heavy with sleep yet the concern still shined through. Erin felt bad that she had woke him up anyways.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Go back to sleep."

"You're shaking," Jay countered, tightening his arms around her waist. "You cold?" he asked, bringing the blanket more over to her side, covering her up more underneath the heavy comforter.

She turned around so she could face him. "I'm fine. Just hold me like this," she whispered as she burrowed herself closer to him. He frowned, worry clouding his face as he held her closer, his hands rubbing her back tenderly.

"Erin," his tone told her that he didn't quite buy her answer of being fine. "What's going on? Tell me."

He sounded so worried and concerned that Erin couldn't help but wanting to tell him everything. She just wasn't sure how to start. So she rested her forehead on his bare chest, his skin giving her comfort to tell him everything.

"I'm just starting to remember what happened little by little," she started, absentmindedly drawing patterns on his chest. "Every time I go to sleep, I remember myself jumping out the window, I see the ground get closer and closer, just waiting for the impact and I couldn't stop myself. I remember being so helpless, knowing that it was my only chance of getting out alive before Stan blew us and the house up and I saw your face as I fell and you were smiling and I just thought that I'd never get to see your face again if I didn't survive this."

"You're safe now Erin," he reassured her, pressing a kiss on her damp forehead. "Stan won't get to you ever again."

Erin nodded. "Yeah," she murmured quietly, trying to think of how to tell Jay the next part, knowing the anguish that her confession could bring him. But they made a promise to each other to be open, not hide things from each other, no matter how much they wanted to protect each other. "I remember something else."

"What is it?" he asked, sensing her hesitation. "You can tell me anything Erin."

She sighed, mustering up enough courage to tell him. "For the past two nights, I remember feeling his hands on me." She felt him immediately tense at her confession and she already knew that his mind had gone to the worst conclusions. Despite feeling guilty, she knew she had to tell him. After everything Jay had done for her and was continuing to do for her as she recovered, he deserved to know. "Jay, nothing happened. I promise." She at least wanted to get that out of the way, reassure him once again that the worst didn't happen. Both Jenny and the rape kit that they had done on her were proof of it but she knew he needed the reminder all the same.

"I know," he still sounded tortured and Erin would rather go through a million more nightmares than to have Jay sounding like that. "But I just hate thinking of what could've happened. But I still want you to talk to me. I can handle it."

"The memories come and go and I don't really remember anything when I'm awake. Maybe my brain had blocked most of it out and it's protecting me during the waking hours but when I'm asleep, I'm defenseless. I feel him just hovering over me, I feel his hands touching me. I have flashes of him undressing me and I remember wanting to fight him off, wanting to defend myself but I couldn't. Whatever he did to leave me defenseless worked because I kept on blacking out. I couldn't even tell which way was up or down but I still felt his fingers on me." She shivered, recalling the flashes of images and the crippling fears she felt when Stan had her. Jay was doing his best to calm her down, his hands the complete opposite of Stan's, bringing her nothing but comfort and safety. "I know nothing happened. I know that. But it's still hard," she shrugged. "I just want to get over it already."

"Hey," he gently lifted her face so she was looking at him. "What you've went through, it was real and it was difficult. You're allowed time to heal, to get past everything on your own time when you're ready. There's no rush, no pressure."

"I just hate that I keep doing this to you," she admitted in a small voice. "That whenever we start to have some sort of normalcy again, here I am with my problems." She didn't think it was possible for him to bring her closer to his body but apparently it was, his arms tugging her so close that every inch of their bodies were against each other.

"Hey," he asserted, his voice adamant and unwavering. "That's not how life works. That's not how we work. Erin, look at me." She couldn't deny his request and she definitely couldn't tear her eyes away from his eyes, so piercing blue with determination that it stood out even in the dark room. "You told me once that if I ever needed help carrying my load, you'll be there to help. Well, that goes the same for me. Whatever you're going through, whatever your problem is, I'm here. I'll help you carry yours. That's us. That's how we have always worked, even before sex and relationship came into the picture."

"My load is heavier than most."

"I'm pretty strong," he retorted, trying to lighten the mood a little. "Whatever you need help carrying, I got you babe." He sealed his promise with a kiss, just quick enough to ease the bit of tightness in her chest. "I'm serious though," he started again, running his fingers on her forehead gently. "There's no timeline here. There's no rush. I know you're eager to get over everything, with your leg and with everything else you went through but what's important is you deal with it the right way and we deal with it, together."

Erin nodded, he sounded so sure and unyielding that it left no room for her doubts and hesitation. "I honestly don't even know where to start."

"Like this," he replied. "By asking for help. Telling me, telling someone, what you're thinking, what you're going through. That's the first step. Then we can talk for as long as you want, whenever you want until you get past this and you feel 100% safe and you realize that Stan never can get to you again. I'll be ready to listen to you whenever you want. And maybe it's a good idea to reach out to Dr. Charles again. He helped you out so much last time."

Erin let his words play around in her head, knowing he was right. He had always been there, no matter what. She knew he was also right about Dr. Charles. The doctor was a huge help for her when she was working through her grief of Nadia's death as well as her spiral down afterwards. Maybe it wasn't the worst idea in the world to reach out to him again.

"Thank you," she gave him a reassuring smile to let him know she was okay now. "I think I'll call Dr. Charles in the morning. See when his next availability is."

Jay nodded. "Okay. I'm here too, anytime."

"I know you are. Even if I wake you up at 4 in the morning," she said, glancing over at the clock that showed her just how early it was. "Thank you."

"Anytime." He smiled when she laid her forehead against his chest again, arms going around his waist. "Try to get some sleep. I'll be here." He kissed the crown of her head. "I'll keep you safe," he spoke into her hair. That was the reassurance she needed tonight. Despite feeling bad about waking him up so early in the morning, there was just something about their 4 a.m confessions that left her feeling lighter and took away her troubles. That and his fingers that were stroking through her hair so gently were just the remedies she needed to fully drift off to sleep.

* * *

Erin quickly learned that her new favorite part of officially moving back in with Jay for the past couple of weeks was the discovering and re-discovering of both of each other's new and old habits. Before when they had lived together, they had gotten used to learning and adapting to every little quirks that they both had—good and bad. Like how Jay liked to lay out his clothes at night so he could get as much sleep as he could in the morning and how it rubbed off on her enough that she started doing the same, or how he liked to charge his phone as soon as he got through the door and how it drove Erin crazy because he was always hogging the charger or how he was a big believer of coasters, insisting that every cup needed a coaster underneath it if it was going to touch any surface or his new habit of hanging up his keys on the hook instead of tossing it on the counter or the bowl by the kitchen counter like she preferred to do. She was sure she had longtime habits of hers that drove him crazy too like her always leaving her mascara tube out on the bathroom counter because no matter how early she woke up she always seemed to be in a rush in the morning or her hogging all the blankets at night because she got cold easily.

But those little habits and quirks—both new and old—were what made them…_them. _And it was the perfect symbolism of their relationship right now. Where it was new and they were learning new things about each other and how both of them had changed over the past two years and they were both eagerly soaking in every new fact they learned about each other and committing them to memory. Yet there was still this foundation of familiarity and intimacy that had lasted through the time and distance that grounded and strengthened them. Like Jay knowing just the exact spot on her neck that his lips can drive her wild and the thrill he had when he found another spot just below her ear that had her gripping his arms in uncontained pleasure.

She didn't think she had ever been this happy in her life before. Despite everything else that was going on and the things that she was slowly working through, things with Jay were pretty damn perfect right now. Jay had told her before that not every day could be sunny and that there would be days where the dark clouds would take over but everything looked pretty damn sunny for Erin right now.

It was because Jay was like the sun—she mused to herself as she watched him release soft snores next to her, the sunlight from outside just starting to peek through the curtain and delicately kissing his bare skin, illuminating this perfection of a man in a soft warm glow that made him even more beautiful—and somehow she was lucky enough to hold this sun in her arms.

He was the warmth and the light, always shining to fight away the cold and the darkness in her life. He was bright—sometimes so bright that it left no room for her shadows to see the light of day. And when he loved, he loved with this blazing intensity that burned her soul, setting her body on fire and making all the defensive walls she had built around her heart ablaze. And just as she was sure that the sun would rise tomorrow and every day, she was sure that Jay would be there if she needed him. Because he was dependable, he was constant, he was her forever.

* * *

"So how are you this morning?"

"Better," she replied, leaning on the armrest of the couch in Dr. Charlie's office. Despite it being her third visit to him, she still hadn't felt truly comfortable in the office no matter how much the décor in his office were intended to make its patients feel comfortable—secure enough to open up.

"How are you sleeping?"

"Better," she repeated. She shrugged when Dr. Charles took off his glasses, waiting for her to elaborate. But she honestly was telling the truth. Between the energy that she was expending during her physical therapy sessions and the couple of sessions she had with him, she found sleep coming to her easier. She hadn't had any nightmares in a couple of days, the last one being when she woke up screaming last week because in her dreams, she finally made the impact with the ground hard. But Jay had been there, shushing her softly and gently rubbing her back until she got her heart under control and was able to go back to sleep.

"Any more nightmares?"

Erin shook her head. "Not since the last time we talked. Not since I um…..went to see his grave."

"Whose grave Erin?" She knew that Dr. Charles already knew which grave she was talking about and it was more about making sure she said his name out loud.

"Stan's grave." Dr. Charles nodded, pleased.

"And how was seeing his gravesite?"

"Good," Erin replied honestly. "I wasn't conscious when he was killed but seeing the headstone with his name on it and knowing that he was truly dead and buried," she paused, pondering over her words. "It was good."

* * *

_It had been a couple of days ago and she had been through a particularly hard physical therapy session. She was frustrated and angry because she wasn't where she wanted to be with her progress and no matter what the therapist had said about Erin making more than good enough progress and advising her on not forcing herself too hard, it wasn't helping her. So she had done what she always did best—take out that frustrations on those around her, no matter how much undeserved. She had given Jay the cold shoulder that night—alternating between giving him one worded answers one minute and ready to bite his head off at his questions the next. Just her usual pattern of self destruction, anything to get the anger simmering inside of her out. But Jay had taken it all in strides, seeming to understand just what she was doing and not giving into what she wanted—for him to fight back. Instead he had tossed her coat onto her lap and told her that they were going for a ride, giving her no room to refuse. _

_Erin had been surprised when the car had turned into the cemetery and wordlessly, she followed Jay out of the car and into the park, deserted at night. Finally they had stopped and Erin had let out a soft gasp when she saw the name that was on the tombstone. Stan Rappaport. _

_"I know what you're doing Erin," Jay started talking as Erin couldn't keep her eyes off of the grave. "Why you're pushing yourself so hard in physical therapy. You're feeling defenseless and I know how much you hate feeling like that. So you push yourself so you're 100% better physically, thinking that's what you need to do and you get frustrated because you're not back to yourself yet. You see it as yourself being weak, vulnerable to that monster to get to you again." He stepped closer to her, hands wanting to wipe away the tears that had started to fall down her face but stopping himself—knowing she needed that release. "But you're the strongest person I know Erin. And you're safe. He's dead, he's gone. That grave is the proof of that. I wasn't sure if you should see it before but I think you needed to see it in person so you can really start to believe it." The sobs that were coming from her were loud and raw and they shook her body until she couldn't hold herself up anymore. But like always, Jay was there to catch her before she hit the ground and he held her to his chest as she bawled, releasing all the fears and worry that she had pent up inside of her and finally letting herself crumble, knowing that Jay was there to hold her together. _

_He clutched her trembling body to his chest—just repeating the words 'you're safe' over and over again until she started to truly believe it. Finally after all of her tears had run out and the shuddering sobs had turned to stuttered breaths, he had picked her up and pieced her back together. _

"I just really needed to see that," Erin explained, "I had no idea just how much I needed to see that he was really dead so I can finally start to put it behind me."

"How did seeing his grave make you feel?"

"Like it was finally over," Erin replied, shrugging. "That he can't get to me ever again. I know Hank would make sure that there were no mistakes made with Stan's burial, not when it comes to protecting me and I trust him. I don't know, that night and seeing that grave was the catharsis I was needing but wasn't able to find. But Jay knew what I needed and how to give that to me."

"He has been a strong rock for you."

Erin smiled. "Yeah, he has been the best. Although that is not exactly a surprise. Jay," she breathed his name, feeling the rush of affection that took over her just thinking about him. "He's always looking out for me, even before we got together."

"You two have recently reconciled your relationship right?" Dr. Charles asked, looking over his notes.

"Yeah, it's funny," Erin scoffed. "This case with Stan was the thing that brought us back together. In a way, it makes going through everything worth it. I know that sounds horrible."

"It's honest."

Erin nodded. "I'm trying to be that. Honest. Open. Everything that I wasn't before." She paused, thinking if she really wanted to say what was on her mind but the understanding eyes of the doctor had her opening up. She was sitting there because she wanted to get help and the only way to do that was to be completely open and honest. "To be completely honest, sometimes I don't know why Jay wants to be with me."

Dr. Charles' eyes narrowed in confusion. "What do you mean?"

Erin shrugged. "He's everything good, you know. Even though he has his past and his own history, somehow he had managed to come out of them stronger. He has his own convictions and his own way of seeing the world yet somehow he had managed to see something good in me, good enough to love even after all the things I've done. Even on my most darkest days when I can't understand how someone like that can be with me, he still manages to break through the shadows. He deserves better, I know he does. He deserves someone that isn't filled with baggage from her childhood, someone that's not constantly looking over her shoulders for her crazy mother, someone whose first instinct isn't to lash out at him, expecting him to take everything in strides."

"Why do you think you do that? Why is that your first instinct? Why lash out at Jay?"

Erin remained quiet, the question rattling around in her head. The obvious answer was that it was the result of years of protecting herself, trying to survive. But she knew there was a deeper reason when it came to Jay.

* * *

Jay had picked her up after her session, just like he always did from both her physical therapy sessions and her meetings with Dr. Charles. Seeing him smile as he waited for her in the lobby of the hospital had lightened her heart and lifted her spirits after a grueling and draining session. He was just what she needed. He didn't say anything, he didn't need to. Just a look at her face and he knew how much the meeting with Dr. Charles had taken out of her. So he opted to restore her energy with his affection, kissing her deeply until her tired heart had regained the beat it needed to feel like herself again.

* * *

"Can we talk?" Jay looked surprised at her request and she couldn't exactly blame him. She hadn't been in the mood to talk after her sessions, claiming that she did enough talking for the day with the doctor and didn't have enough energy for more. But Dr. Charles had given her food for thought during their session today and she had wanted to follow his advice.

"Of course," Jay had quickly replied, taking the seat next to her on the couch. "What's going on?" She smiled and leaned into his touch as he palmed her face, concern shining in his eyes.

"I was just thinking of what Dr. Charles and I talked about today."

"Oh yeah? What did you guys talk about?"

"You."

A surprised smile came over Jay's face. "Me? Is that a good thing or a bad thing?"

She chuckled at his question. "Good things, mostly."

"Mostly?" He quirked his eyebrows, shifting slightly in his seat. "Now you got me all nervous."

She bit her lips, thinking of how to start. Erin let Dr. Charles' advice play in her head.

_'The best thing you can do is to be honest with Jay. The start to working on feeling like you deserve Jay is by giving him things you think he deserves. Does he deserve your honesty? Your truth? If the answer is yes then start by giving him what he deserves.'_

"Erin?" Jay's voice shook her out of her thoughts and she gave him a small smile, reaching out to hold his hands.

"I was talking to Dr. Charles about the night we went to see Stan's grave," she started, deciding that the best way to start telling Jay was just to start from the beginning. "And I remembered how I was lashing out at you that night. I was angry and frustrated over my physical therapy and instead of working through that, I decided to take it out on you."

He nodded, remembering the night.

"And you didn't deserve that," she continued. "You don't deserve to be my punching bag. Not after everything you've done for me. Then Dr. Charles asked me why it was my first instinct to lash out at you and it got me thinking."

_'Tell him, no matter how hard it might be. Trust him to understand where you're coming from.'_

"And I realize that it was because subconsciously I was still protecting myself. From you."

She immediately saw in his eyes that the notion of her protecting herself from him had broken his heart. The pain in his eyes was obvious but Erin wanted to continue explaining herself. Jay deserved to know the truth, he deserved honesty. So before he could've said anything, she continued her word vomit.

"Jay when you left that night and you walked out the door with your duffle bag, it broke me. I had never let myself got close to a person like that before you and it was how I lived my life so I can survive and protect myself. But then falling for you was so easy, I really had no chance," she chuckled. "You know I tried to fight it, tried to run away from it many times. I hid behind Hank, my career, grief over Nadia and many potholes that was my life but each time, you fought back and you found me. You were always there and you didn't give up." God knew she had done enough running of her own, always kept Jay at arm's length because the idea of giving up her heart completely to someone else petrified her. But Jay came into her life with his easy smile and trusting eyes and she was completely done. "You showed me that it was possible to love someone that much and not be so afraid of good things in my life."

He was listening to her intently, not interrupting her and he was just letting her get her words out.

"Then you left and I know why you did it and that you did to protect me." There was no blame in her voice, no bitterness. She didn't blame him or held a grudge at what happened that tore them apart. It was never about Jay not loving her enough or them not loving each other. Perhaps it was the opposite, their love for each other causing them to become unnecessary martyrs. "But I'd be lying if I didn't say that it shattered me. It broke me."

"Erin," Jay finally spoke, unable to hold back anymore. "I'm so sorry. You know I never meant to hurt you."

She didn't need to see his unshed tears to know that hurting her was the last thing he wanted to do. "I know," Erin reassured him, holding his arms. "But it didn't stop me from closing myself off and protecting myself. I didn't realize it but I kept taking the easy way out with us since then. Instead of fighting for you and making you see that coming home was the right thing to do, I let you go. I let you push me away and walk out the door and I kept you at a distance because it hurt too much and I wanted to protect myself. Then the first chance I got, I left. I ran like I always do. Yeah I could blame it on Hank's advice or Bunny's drama but at the end of the day, it was me."

"But you're back. You're here," Jay stressed. "That's all that matters. We have a second chance here Erin."

Erin nodded. "Yeah we do. And Jay it's so precious and I don't want to repeat my mistakes anymore. I don't want to lash out at you, trying to push you away when things get hard and I get frustrated and mad. I don't want to run anymore."

"Then don't," he urged, scooting closer to her and holding her face so she can feel his urgency from his touch. "It's time both of us stop running. Stop finding excuses and reasons to push each other away because we're afraid of hurting the other. No more."

Erin gripped his arm that was holding her and nodded. "Jay, I'm ready."

The start of a smile came over Jay's face as his eyes implored straight into hers. "For what Erin?"

"To fall for you completely," Erin whispered, her eyes shining with tears. "No more defense mechanisms, no more walls to keep myself from getting hurt. Happiness, pain, pleasures, all the smile and tears—I'm ready to take on everything that comes with a life with you. And this time I won't be afraid to fight for you."

The kiss that Jay gave her was intense, it was powerful and consuming. It was the fervor she needed to give into him completely and just sink in his arms—to surrender her heart completely to him and trusting him to take care of it.

"I'm happy to hear that," Jay muttered between kisses, barely able to get his words out. "Because I've fallen for you completely already Erin." He was finally able to tear his lips away from hers to rest his forehead against her, breathing heavily. "And I promise, no more pushing you away, thinking I know what's better for you or how much you can handle. From now on, we'll help carry each other's loads." Fluttering touches grazed her face, matching the flutters of butterflies in her stomach at his promise. "Erin, you're my partner, my best friend and you're the love of my life. Always."

"Always," she repeated, returning his sentiments to him. "Can you promise me something else?"

His reply was quick. "Anything."

"Promise to always call me on my crap when I need it and I'm gonna need it," she said, causing both of them to laugh. "I don't want us to just become a better couple. I want us to make each other better people."

"You're already the best person I know," he replied, running his fingers on her eyebrows. "But I promise. I'll happily call you out on your crap."

"When I need it," she stressed, staring him down.

Jay rolled his eyes teasingly and scoffed, chuckling. "Of course," he said, giving her a wink. "Just when you need it."

* * *

Erin didn't realize just how much they needed that last promise until she saw the effect of it. It was as though there was this unspoken layer of tension and hesitancy lifted between them. Erin didn't even realize that they had been tip-toeing around each other, afraid to step on each other's toes or to screw their reconciliation up. But after making promises to each other to call out each other's crap, they had fully returned to their old relationships where banters and innuendos and silly fights flowed easily between them. There was an understanding that while their relationship was precious, it wasn't that fragile and it wasn't made of glass. And they finally felt settled with their new life together.

* * *

They would have happily stayed in their little cocoon—isolated from the outside world—if it hadn't been for Voight dropping by several times to check up on Erin or Adam insisting that double dating was all the rage and convincing—more like nagging until Erin and Jay had given in—them to go out a couple of times with him and Kim. Erin would begrudgingly admit that maybe those double dates weren't all that bad, just not in front of Adam so she didn't egg him on even more.

Because no matter how much she enjoyed seeing Voight or how much laughter flowed during those double dates, nothing compared to the time she got to spent with Jay, just the two of them. They talked so much—about everything and anything. Their lives while they were apart, parts of their childhood that they didn't share before, the cases they worked, everything was on the table. And they kissed too. They kissed so much that Erin was surprised that her lips weren't permanently swollen by now but that would a small price to pay just to feel his lips on hers. Erin just knew that they were secretly counting down the days until they reached that month timeline and Erin could finally feel more than just Jay's lips and hands on her body, just like she was desperately craving.

But of course, that little peaceful bubble they had found themselves in had to burst sooner or later.

Jay had been acting strange all day, checking his phone every so often and just generally being skittish. He was acting so out of normal that it actually worried her.

"You okay?"

"Huh?" Jay looked up from his phone that had been distracting him all day. "Yeah, I'm fine." Erin frowned, not believing him. "You know what? I need to go out for a second. I'll be back real quick." He stood up, giving her a quick kiss and ran out of their place like it was on fire.

Just as fast as he left, he returned just as quickly while Erin was still sat on the couch, wondering what the hell was going on. But he came in through the door with the grin on his face that told her that he had something planned.

"Jay, what's going on?" she questioned, almost reluctantly like she wasn't sure if she wanted to know whatever he had planned. He quickly came over to her on the couch, hiding something behind his back and sat down.

"I kind of did something," was his vague reply.

She narrowed her eyes at him. She couldn't help it, she was a detective. She was practically born to be suspicious of everything. "What thing did you do?"

He bit his lips, eyes sparkling with excitement, as he handed her what he was holding behind him—a stack of papers stapled together.

"Jay," she gasped as she read the papers over. "You got your lease agreements changed?" Because the leasing paper that used to have just Jay Halstead listed as the tenant now read both Jay Halstead and Erin Lindsay.

He shrugged as though it wasn't a big deal. "The leasing office wasn't exactly happy to come in over the weekend but I wanted it done ASAP. I just thought we should live in a place where both of our names are on the papers." He reached over to grab the papers and held them up. "This right here, officially means we are living together," he explained. "Again," he added, playfully rolling his eyes.

"So that's why you were being weird all day."

"Pretty much," he shrugged. "It's just a small thing but I still wanted to surprise you but I wasn't sure if I'd be able to get the papers by today." She leaned over to give him a thank you kiss.

"Thank you," she verbalized, her dimples showing her appreciation. He reconnected their lips again and almost toppled over as she pulled him down on the couch, him hovering over her body as their lips remained connected, opening and closing to derive the most pleasure from each other. She moaned, draping her arms around him to pull him closer, hands going underneath his shirt to touch the bare skin underneath, so he was resting his weight on her, crossing her legs around him so he was all pressed up against her.

He groaned, his hand roaming all over her body, kneading her soft skin. His lips traveled to the tantalizing trail of her neck and he pressed kisses all over it, softly sucking at the sweet taste he found there. She tightened her legs around him and he couldn't stop himself from bucking into her, Erin releasing the most seductive moan at his action.

She wanted to go all the way, to throw the doctor's order out of the window and just reconnect their bodies in the most primitive and thrilling way. But Jay had managed to get himself under control, slowing down their fervent kisses until he was left pressing fluttering kisses all over her face, leaving Erin writhing underneath him with anticipating and pure need. "Just five more days," he whispered into her skin, finally voicing the unspoken countdown until they were able to make love again. "Just five more. And it'll be worth the wait." He seared his promise into her lips with a deep kiss.

* * *

They had decided on celebrating their new lease in the most 'them' way—by watching the football playoffs and Erin's favorite pizza. It was all she needed to be happy in life—football, pizza and cuddling with Jay on the couch.

"Ugh, I still can't believe the Packers made the playoffs," Erin griped as the announcers were doing their pre-game show.

"They got the bye too," Jay added, earning a glare from Erin. "What? They did!" he added, laughing at her reaction.

"Yeah yeah. But just watch, the Seahawks are going to kick their asses! Especially Roger's aging ass."

Jay chuckled, knowing that her hatred of the Packers and Aaron Rogers hadn't waned a bit over the years. Whatever his reply was about to be was interrupted by the ringing of his cell phone.

"Did Voight call you?" Jay asked, looking at the caller I.D.

Erin checked her phone that was next to her and shook her head. "Nope. Why is Hank calling you?"

Jay shrugged, answering the call. "Halstead."

Really, Voight calling Jay first instead of her should've been her first clue that something had went down. If it was something personal, she knew that Voight would be reaching out to her first.

"What? You're serious." The sudden panic in Jay's voice got her attention and she looked over to him, face pale and eyes wide open.

"What's going on? What's wrong?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'll be right there," Jay spoke into the phone before hanging up and standing up frantically.

"Jay, what's wrong?"

The look on his face and the hands on his hips told her that something was seriously wrong.

"There's a hostage situation at Chicago Med and Will's inside."

* * *

_A/N: Ugh, I almost threw up writing something positive about the Seahawks._

_Anyways, I hope you guys enjoyed the chapter and are looking forward to the next one._


	28. Chapter 28

Chapter 28

"What's going on?"

"Some lunatic snuck a gun into Med and he's holding the maternity ward hostage. Apparently some sort of custody dispute between the mom and the husband. I got to..I got to go." Jay was frantic, patting down his pants trying to think of what he needed.

"Jay, calm down for a bit."

"I need to get there right away," Jay continued, ignoring Erin's advice to take a breath. "Will's on a shift right now." Will was inside and if Jay knew his brother, he knew that Will would do something idiotic, trying to be a hero like the time when he disarmed a bomb.

"Okay. Is there anything I can do? Call Natalie or something?"

Jay shook his head, trying to think of what he needed before he left. _His gun, his badge._ He listed in his head. "No, Natalie is…..shit." He cursed, closing his eyes.

"What? What's wrong?"

"Natalie is working today too. Great," Jay groaned. Now he was even more worried about Will. Especially since the gunman was in the maternity ward where Natalie worked. He just hoped that Will kept his head out of whatever was going on. He had a lot to lose now, his fiancé, his future step-son. _Step-son. _"Shit," Jay cursed again, scratching his forehead. "Owen."

"What about him?"

"Natalie's mom is out of town so Will was supposed to go pick him up from daycare. Someone has to go pick him up."

"I can go," Erin offered, wanting to help.

Jay sighed. "You can't. The daycare won't release him to anyone that's not on the list. I…I have to go pick him up."

"Hey," Erin called, approaching Jay to hold him and calm him down. "Take a breath." Jay exhaled. "Okay, now go and pick up Owen from the daycare and bring him here. I may not be able to pick him up but I can watch and take care of him while you go down to Med. It's going to be okay."

"Erin, Owen may look nice and easy but he's at that age where he takes a lot of energy to take care of. I don't want you to exert yourself when you're still recovering."

Erin rolled her eyes. "Look at me," she stated, holding out her arms so Jay can look at her body. "I'm practically healed already and it's just for a couple of hours. I'll be fine. Besides," she wrapped her arms around Jay again. "he's like family. I'll be fine." She gave him a quick kiss. "So hurry and go pick him up and bring him back here. The sooner you do that, the sooner you can get down to Med."

Jay nodded, giving Erin a quick kiss on the side of her head before leaving.

* * *

Just about ten minutes later, Jay returned with an adorable Owen in tow, carrying his little backpack on his back following Jay through the door. Erin stood up from her seat on the couch and walked over, crouching down so her hands were on her knees.

"Owen, this is my special friend Erin," Jay introduced, Erin waved smiling. Owen shyly offered out his hand for Erin to shake which Erin did happily.

"Hi Owen," Erin said, trying to sound welcoming as possible. He really was a cutie, giving Erin a shy smile. "Can I take your backpack for you?" He nodded, turning around so Erin can take his backpack off of him and place it on the couch.

"Owen," Jay kneeled down so he can look Owen in the face. "I have to go somewhere for a little bit but Erin here will take good care of you. Okay?"

"Where's my mommy and Will?" Owen questioned, Jay and Erin exchanging looks with each other.

Erin groaned a bit as she crouched further down to join Jay at Owen's eye-level. "Your mommy and Will are a little bit busy right now and Jay here is going to go and get them. In the meantime, we can play and watch television. Just until they get back. Is that okay?"

"Okay," Owen agreed, voice small and timid.

"Alright," Erin cheered, trying to sound as happy and reassuring as she can. "We're going to have so much fun! Are you excited?" Owen nodded, looking a little bit more comfortable than he did a moment ago. Erin gestured with her eyes to Jay that it was now okay for him to leave, knowing that he was dying to get down to the hospital right away.

Jay kissed the top of Owen's head. "Alright buddy. I'll be back. Have fun with Aunty Erin okay? Bye." Owen waved his little hand and walked over to take a seat on the couch. Jay turned to Erin. "You have no idea how much this means to me," he said, holding her face. "Thank you."

Erin nodded. "No thanks needed," she held his arms before stepping away quickly to grab something. She walked back over, holding his badge and gun and handing them over to him. He nodded his head appreciatively, clipping his badge and placing his gun on the holster. "Be careful okay?" Jay leaned in for a quick kiss, agreeing.

"Owen! Be good for Erin okay?" he called over to Owen before turning back to Erin. "I love you."

"Love you too," she returned, heart filled with worry as Jay walked out the door. It was a strange feeling, being here but not being able to have Jay's back yet. She just hoped that everyone can make their way back home.

* * *

"Serg," Jay joined the team gathering outside of the hospital. The scene was chaotic, different tactical teams and departments surrounding the hospital along with several media vans. There was even a helicopter flying overhead, spotlight on, trying to get the inside scoop of what was taking place in Chicago Med.

"Halstead," Voight turned to Jay. "You're officially back on the job for right now. We need all the hands we can get." Jay nodded, knowing that he would have forced his way back even if Voight didn't reinstate him anyway. That was his brother inside. That was Owen's mother inside. He wasn't going to let anything happen to his family.

"Brief me," Jay requested. "What's going on inside?"

"Justin Daly stormed into Chicago Med about an hour ago. His wife is inside and just gave birth. But he started waving a gun around, demanding to walk out with his baby or he'd start shooting," Adam explained. "Typical Sunday in Chicago, you know?"

"Voight," they all turned at the new voice. "We're going to take the lead on this," the S.W.A.T leader demanded. "We have the best hostage negotiator on stand-by and as soon as the perp makes contact, we'll try to talk him down."

Voight shook his head. "No offense. Morelli was it?" the man nodded, "But this isn't a typical hostage situation here. That son of a bitch in there isn't going to be demanding a getaway car and unmarked bills so he can retire on some beach in Bora Bora." Jay stood, crossed arms, watching Voight and Morelli argued over who would take the lead. "He's holding up the damn maternity ward because he wants to walk out with a baby," Voight continued, hands stuck in his vest. "So we can waste time here in this pissing contest over who gets the credit or we can actually focus on how to stop that guy from harming any innocent people, including newborn babies, in there. Your choice." Morelli reluctantly nodded, agreeing to Voight's offer of working together. "Good. Now what do we know so far?" he asked, turning over to Kim and Kevin who came back from meeting with the other teams.

"The hospital security cameras from the entrance showed him entering the hospital alone and there's no indication of any partner so he's likely working alone. Tact team on the ground got the other floors on lockdown but the 3rd floor where the maternity ward is open. The incoming patients and buses are being redirected over to Mercy Hospital." Kim briefed the team.

"Do we have eyes on the inside?"

Kevin shook his head. "No, he shot out the security cameras in both the department and the nursery. But the last image of him had him in the baby nursery where all the newborns are kept. The department schedule list has 7 nurses and 4 doctors on shift. Most of the patients from the floor have been evacuated, including the mother of the child that he's claiming to be the father of."

The tense atmosphere was interrupted by the ringing of Jay's phone, Jay frowning when he saw Natalie's name on the caller I.D. "Hold on a sec guy. Natalie's calling me and she's inside," he informed the group before answering. "Natalie?"

"Jay!" her voice was quiet but Jay could hear the pure panic and fear in it.

"Natalie, are you inside? Are you okay?"

"Yeah," she replied, still whispering. "Me and a couple of people are hiding in the supply closet. I couldn't reach Will and I didn't know who else to call."

"Okay Natalie," Jay spoke into the phone, "I need you to tell me what's going on inside."

"A man barged into the department and he started waving a gun around and he wanted to kidnap a newborn baby but a nurse hit the alarm before he could so he grabbed a couple of nurses and locked him and the nurses in the nursery."

"Okay, you're in the closet right now? You're okay?"

"Yeah. I'm fine."

"Sit tight Natalie okay. We're going to get everyone out safely. We just need to get eyes on the inside and we'll get you guys out."

"You don't have eyes on the inside?"

"No, he shot out the cameras but we're working on it okay? Don't worry." Jay said, trying to comfort his brother's fiancé, relived that she was okay. He just needed to get a hold of Will and let him know that Natalie was alright. Jay was hoping that Will had either gotten out of the hospital or he was in some other floor, safe and locked down.

"Jay," Natalie broke his thoughts. "There's a small window in the closet. I can be the eyes."

"No," Jay refused her offer quickly. "It's too dangerous." He turned to the team. "Natalie's hiding in the supply closet with a couple of other people. She said there's a window in the closet and she can see outside."

"Great, ask her to do it," Morelli instructed.

"She's my brother's fiancé and she has a child. I'm not going to put her or anyone else in that closet in danger," Jay shot back.

"Jay," Natalie spoke to him through the phone. "Something's going on outside."

"What's going on?"

"I'm not sure. There was a loud crash right now and I hear new voices," Natalie said. "Hey, I'm going to look real quick." The line went quiet as Jay assumed Natalie was trying to sneak a peek outside the small window to see what was going on outside. He heard some shuffling then Natalie quickly picking the phone back up. "Oh my god!" her voice had reached a new level of fear. "It's Will. He's here and the guy has him at gunpoint!"

* * *

"So are you hungry Owen?" Erin asked, sitting the seat next to Owen on the couch. It had been a bit awkward since Jay left them alone and Erin learned quickly that Owen wasn't much of a talker, his eyes had been glued to the television since he arrived. But food always seemed like a good ice breaker, especially when it came to children.

"A little," Owen replied, looking away from the television screen for the first time since Jay left.

"Okay." Erin stood up and walked over to the kitchen. She glanced around at the options they had, trying to find the most kid-friendly ones. Not that she was trying to bribe Owen to like her but she figured it couldn't hurt to grease his little palms a bit. "So Owen what do you feel like having?" She walked back over to him and held up his choices. "Mac and cheese or grilled cheese?"

"Mac and cheese!" Owen replied quickly, smiling happily for the first time.

"Good choice." Erin returned his smile. "It's my favorite food."

"Mine too."

Erin gave him an impressed look, holding up her hand to give him a high five. "Alright! Let me go get it ready for you."

"Can I watch?"

Erin smiled. "Of course." She held out her hand and Owen took it, getting up from the couch so they could start their dinner in the kitchen. Erin lifted him up and helped him get seated in a stool by the counter and she took out the pot and ingredients needed. She boiled the water for the macaroni and started heating up the milk for the cheese sauce. She kept an eye on Owen as she busied herself in the kitchen. "You want some cheese to snack on while you wait?" She placed small pieces of cheese in front of him and he happily nibbled on them.

"More," Owen asked, after quickly finishing off all the cheese. "Please?" he added, pouting cutely and Erin couldn't resist. A fond smile came over Erin' face as he already went to work on the new portion Erin gave him, he really was too adorable. He probably had his mom and Will wrapped around his little fingers. She had only been watching for less than an hour and she was already a sucker for him.

"You like cheese huh?" Erin ruffled his soft hair. Owen nodded, still focused on eating his snack. Erin just chuckled, resumed making his dinner.

"Are you Uncle Jay's girlfriend?" His question startled her and she paused her stirring the sauce. She glanced over at him and he was waiting for her answer with his big eyes. She wiped her hand on the tea towel and walked back over to him, leaning her elbows on the counter.

"Yeah, I am." The corner of her lips turned up.

"He's really nice," Owen said almost off-handedly, still munching on the cheese bits. "He buys me toys." Erin laughed at his comment. Kids, they were always so honest.

"Yeah, he buys me things too," Erin returned. "Really pretty things." Her hands automatically went to her ears where the earrings that Jay had gotten her for Christmas was hanging. "He's pretty great isn't he?"

* * *

"Serg I need to get in there. That's my brother in there and he's in trouble." Jay's eyes were steely and determined. After Natalie had relayed that Will somehow was inside the nursery, Jay's heart dropped. He knew that something like this would happen. He knew Will would do something idiotic like barge his way into where the guy holding the gun was, trying to be some hero to Natalie.

"Hold on a minute. We're not just gonna go barge in just yet. We'll let the hostage negotiator make contact and then we'll go from there." Jay was impatient, especially when someone he loved was in trouble but he just kept quiet, knowing they had a protocol to follow.

"Voight." They all turned at the new voice coming in.

"You're the hostage negotiator?" The new man nodded.

"Jenkins," the man introduced himself.

"Okay, make the first contact." Voight directed.

"Justin Daly. My name is James Jenkins and I'm here to help you get what you want," the negotiator spoke through the mic as the team gathered around the phone to listen in. "We want the people inside and the babies to be safe. So why don't you tell me what you want and we can get it for you."

There was no answer at first and Jay wasn't sure if this Justin was even in any state to be negotiated with. This wasn't just a random bank robbery situation where the guy wanted money, he wanted a baby. There was no negotiation with that.

"Justin? Are you there? You got to talk to me buddy."

Finally a reply came from the other side. "I want my baby. I want to walk out of the hospital with my son."

"Your son born just a couple of hours ago Justin. Even if we wanted to, it's not safe for him to leave the hospital just yet."

"I'm walking out of here with him. That's my son and no one is taking him away from me." The man sounded desperate and erratic. "Especially not that bitch!"

"Ex-wife," Kim mouthed to Jenkins, filling him in. "Name's Susan Daly."

"Susan just wants her baby to be safe," Jenkins tried. "She doesn't want to keep him away from you."

A cold laugh came over the speakers. "Yeah she does. But I'm not going to let her take my son. Especially so she and that bastard can raise him. I'm leaving with my son so you get me a safe way out of here or I start shooting people."

"You don't want to do that Justin," Jenkins replied. "You know you don't want to hurt innocent people inside."

"I don't give a fuck about anybody else," Justin yelled. "Either get me and my son out of here safely or I swear to god, I'll start killing babies one by one until they're all dead. Don't call me back until you have a way out." With that he hung up, nothing but a dial tone left on the speakers.

* * *

"Here we go," Erin placed a bowl of mac and cheese in front of Owen. "I made it extra cheesy for you since you love cheese so much."

"Thank you," Owen dug in, his fork picking up pieces of macaroni and putting them in his mouth. "Yummy!" he hummed, swaying happily side to side in his chair. Erin giggled, loving his reaction. Who didn't love mac and cheese? Simple, cheesy, delicious and hard to screw up. She ruffled his hair fondly and walked over to the fridge to get him a glass of milk.

"Here you go buddy." Owen took a large gulp of the milk, leaving a milk mustache on his face. Erin reached over to wipe it away from his mouth. "You like it?" Owen nodded, enthusiastically. "Good."

She let him continue eating and she stepped over to the side, using her iPad to get an update on the situation. As much as she tried not to worry, she was anxious at what was going on. She had been trying to hide it, trying to look as normal as she could, not wanting to worry or tip off Owen that something was going on. As much as she had been around children, especially over the past year working at SVU, one thing she had learned was just how perceptive children can be. They just seemed to be attuned to the emotions around them, even if the adults had tried to hide them so she knew she had to remain as calm as she could for Owen's sake.

She grunted in frustration inside as there were no new updates about the situation other than who was evil enough to take babies as hostages. She tempered down her frustrations and closed her iPad, turning back over to Owen with a smile glued to her face. He was still eating happily, unaware of everything that was going on. She envied the innocence of childhood. "More milk?" she asked as Owen finished the last of his milk and he nodded, holding out his glass. Erin refilled his glass and got a bowl of food for herself and she sat down next to him on the counter. She started eating but not really tasting the food, worry and anxiety filling her to really enjoy her favorite meal. But Owen seemed to be enjoying his food plenty and he seemed happy. That was all that mattered right now.

* * *

"Justin Daly, 34 years old," Kevin read from the file that they had just received about the man inside. "He was in the Army up until 3 months ago then he was honorably discharged."

"A military man, honorably discharged yet 3 months later, he's pulling a gun on newborn babies? What are we missing?" Olinsky questioned.

"Maybe this," Jay spoke up. "His wife filed for divorce a month ago, claiming irreconcilable differences. Didn't he say that she had a new boyfriend? Seems pretty quick for a new boyfriend to come into the picture, especially when she was 7 months pregnant. Doesn't it?"

"Sounds like she was having an affair to me," Adam concluded. "Would explain why he's insisting that he's the father. Maybe the kid's not even his." Jay agreed, nodding.

"Holding up babies? That's a whole new level of unhinged," Jay voiced. "Plus he's an army man, who knows his mental state or if he has PTSD. That's a whole new variable. One that's unpredictable. He's not going to listen to reason and he's not going to work with the negotiator. We have to get inside and stop him before he really lost it and start shooting up the nursery."

Voight stood quiet, thinking things over. "Alright Morelli," he turned to the S.W.A.T leader. "Let's get inside."

* * *

"Here's the blueprint of the third floor," Antonio laid out the large paper on the desk. "The nursery is a whole separate room and it's completely see-through."

"You guys know Choi," Jay pointed to Ethan with his thumb as the two walked over to the group. "He was in the Army and he works inside the hospital so he knows the lay out better. I figured he can be a big help."

"Thank you," Voight said.

"Of course, anything I can do to help." Ethan offered. "Those are my friends in there. Anything to get everyone out safely."

"We're looking for the best route to get him off guard," Antonio explained. "We know the nursery is mostly made of glass so new parents can look at the babies."

Ethan nodded, crossing his arms. "Yeah, there's a glass wall that's separating the nursery from the rest of the maternity department." He looked at the blueprint, eyes studying the layout. "You said he's in the nursery?"

"Yeah, Natalie said he holed himself up in the nursery with a couple of nurses."

"If it was up to me, then I'd approach him from behind this wall here," Choi pointed to a spot on the blueprint. "Enter from the south stairwell and enter the corridor here. That's just several feet away from the nursery. It won't take you right in front of the nursery but it's the closest you'll get if you want the element of surprise."

Voight thought over Ethan's plan, hands tucked into his vest. "Alright," he finally spoke. "Tonio, Halstead and Atwater, I want you three on this with the S.W.A.T team. Vest up." The three men nodded, heading over to the armor van. "Halstead," Voight called, causing Jay to pause in his step. "I want you to take the lead on this. But it's your blood that's in there. I need to know if you can handle it."

"Oh yeah," Jay replied, staring straight into Voight's eyes to let him know how determined he was. "I got this." Voight remained silent, just held Jay's eyes before finally jutting his lips and gesturing Jay to go.

* * *

"You want a little bit more or are you full?" Owen certainly seemed to enjoy his dinner, judging by the way he practically licked his bowl clean. It seemed as though he finally had his fill, shaking his head at Erin's offer. So Erin just grabbed his bowl and placed it in the sink. "Alright," she turned back to him. "Want to go watch some t.v?"

"Yeah!" Erin helped him from the stool and walked with him back to the couch, both of them plopping down on it. "Okay, let's see what's on." She surfed the channels, looking for some shows that he could watch but it was getting late and there wasn't much option. Finally she landed on the football game that she and Jay were planning to watch. Football. Sports. That was kid friendly enough, she decided. "Have you watched a football game before?"

"No." Erin was surprised, thinking that he might have seen a game or two before with Will. But Jay was the sports enthusiast in the family. "Will said football is dumb and that baseball is better."

"Okay," she chuckled, rolling her eyes at Will's opinion. "Then this is the perfect time to introduce you to the awesomeness that is football." She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, bringing him closer to her. "You see the best part of football is that it's a team sports. And you have to work together with your team to beat the other team."

Owen looked interested enough that Erin continued. "You see that man right there? With the mean looking mustache?" Owen nodded, looking at who Erin pointed out. "That's Aaron Rodgers. He's the bad guy here because he's the quarterback of the Packers and we don't like the Packers." Erin made a 'blech' face and turned her thumb down. "Boo Packers!"

"Boo Packers!" Owen repeated, mimicking Erin and turning his thumb down too. "Rogers bad!"

"Yeah! That's right. Rogers bad," Erin chuckled. "You're so smart." She ruffled his hair affectionately, earning a blinding smile from him. "And you see the other team? They are the Seahawks."

"What are seahawks?"

"Well, seahawks are a type of birds and we like them here."

"Go birds!"

Erin laughed. "Yeah go birds!" She hugged him tighter. "Alright let's watch this thing."

* * *

"Okay we're coming in now so sit tight and Natalie, from here on out don't call anymore. If anything else go down, you text and keep the phone on silence. And remember, keep quiet until an officer comes and clear you guys. Don't leave the closet and don't let anyone else inside with you leave either." Jay hung up the phone and put in the pocket in front of his vest. "Let's go."

"Okay," Voight spoke to the group mixed with Intelligence members and the tact team. "Halstead is the lead on this. Keep the comm lines open so just in case Daly makes contact again with the negotiator, we can fill you in. Alright, let's go!"

Jay held his rifle tightly in his hands and took a deep breath. He was the leader of the team so he had the most on his shoulder, not to mention that was Will in there with the gunman. He couldn't mess up. Will had a lot to lose. He had a lot to lose. An image of Erin flashed through his mind, her smiling face reminding him of just what he had to fight for. "Follow my lead," he directed the group and they made their way inside the hospital, boots shuffling on the ground, guns ready.

"Approaching the south stairwell now," Halstead spoke through the mic, communicating with the team on the ground. "Clear."

"Alright," Voight's voice returned from the other end. "Daly isn't answering any call. He cut himself off. It's up to you guys now."

"Got it." Jay held up two fingers and waved it, signaling that they were moving forward. He continued up the stairs as quietly as he could, his boots going up each steps as slow as quiet as they could. He held his gun out, ready to shoot if needed. Finally they reached the third floor where the maternity ward was and he held out a fist, signaling his team to pause while he peeked out the door of the stairwell and cleared the corridor.

After clearing the corridor and making sure there was no one there, he stepped out and followed the path down to where the nursery was. He heard vague voices coming from the nursery and as he got closer and closer, the louder the voices became until the muffled noises from before became clearer. He immediately recognized one of the voices. Will.

"It's not too late," he heard Will say. "Just walk out of here. You haven't hurt anyone yet."

"I told you I'm not leaving without my son. You stand in my way and I'm going to shoot."

"Then go ahead," Jay cursed to himself after hearing Will's words. "I mean why haven't you left yet? I can't stop you. I don't have a gun or any means of protecting myself. None of the nurses you're holding back here do either. Who's going to stop you? The newborn babies behind you? So why haven't you left yet?"

"Don't tempt me man," Daly shouted and Jay's heart leapt, hearing Daly cock his gun. But he signaled his team to stand down. He poked his head around the corner and saw Daly across the room a few feet away, holding his gun out, pointing it at Will who had his back to the glass.

"Let these people go man," Will tried again, holding up his hands. "These nurses, they don't deserve this man. It's not too late. Do the right thing here."

Daly laughed. "The right thing?" he scoffed. "I did the right thing for years and look where it got me. My wife screwing some other guy while I was overseas fighting for my country. I lost everything, trying to do the right thing."

"I get it. It sucks," Will returned. "You don't deserve that. But you doing this? It's not right and you know that."

"All I know is that you shouldn't have come here," Daly waved his gun around some more. "That was your mistake. What the hell were you trying to do anyway? Play hero?"

Will cleared his throat. "I thought…I thought my fiancé was here but she obviously got out already."

"Fiancé," Daly spat, disdain obvious at the word. "You risked your life for a woman? You're stupid."

"No offense but I'm not the one holding a gun in the nursery." Will retorted. Jay groaned, closing his eyes. He knew Will's big mouth would get him in trouble one day. If Daly didn't kill him, Jay knew he would. Who else other than Will would think it was a good idea to insult a guy who had a gun pointed in their face?

"You think you're funny huh?" Daly shouted. "Let's see if you're still laughing in a couple of years when that bitch that you risked your life for leave you for someone else and try to take your kid from you. Then let's see who's laughing then."

"Is that what happened to you? Your wife cheated on you while you were deployed and had a kid with that guy?"

"That's my kid! My son! Not that son of a bitch's." Daly sounded enraged.

"Okay, okay," Will said, trying to appease him and diffuse the situation. "It's your son. I'm sorry man. You didn't deserve that happening to you."

Daly scoffed. "What the fuck would you know? Look at you. Pretty boy doctor. Probably haven't lifted a finger a day in your life."

"He doesn't but I do." Daly grabbed Will at the sudden voice, holding Will by the neck and the gun pointed at his temple.

"Who the fuck is out there? Show yourself or I shoot him!" Daly shouted, eyes frantically searching for the newcomer. "Show yourself!"

Jay signaled the team to stand down and he slowly came around the wall with his hands up, slowly showing himself to Daly.

"Who the fuck are you!? How did you get in here?"

"My name is Jay Halstead and I'm with Chicago P.D." He heard Voight's shouts of what the hell he was doing over the intercom but Jay ignored him. Jay knew he was taking a risk doing this but there was something—a part of Daly that wasn't all gone—that he heard when he and Will were talking. A reachable part of him that Jay could relate to. And Jay knew that if anyone can talk Daly down and end the whole thing peacefully, it was him.

"I told the cops to stand down or I start shooting and they send you in?! Who else is in here with you?!"

"No one man," Jay replied, walking closer inch by inch. "I'm alone."

"I don't believe you!"

"I swear!" Jay promised. "I'm alone. Okay. I came alone because that's my brother you're holding at gunpoint there."

"Halstead, talk him down if you can but don't hesitate to take the shot if he steps out of line." Voight's harsh voice came through Jay's ears but Jay ignored it again. He had more important task to focus on.

"Why don't you let him and everyone go? And I can get you out of here safely." He spoke to Daly.

"I'm not leaving here without my son!" Daly yelled. "Now toss your weapon over! Do it!" Jay complied, putting the safety back on and slid his rifle over to the side, where neither he or Daly could get to it.

"I don't want to hurt you or get you hurt man," Jay tried again. "I just want to get everyone out safe, including you. So why don't you let everyone go and you can have me."

Daly laughed. "What? Your life isn't more valuable than these people?"

"I'm an Army man just like you," Jay said. "I was a Ranger. I was trained to protect. And I know what you're going through right now."

"Oh really? You do?" Daly mocked Jay. "So your so-called faithful wife had you believing that you were going to be a father only to pull out the rug from under you when you came home? You come home and there's nothing waiting for you but divorce papers and a new man she's fucking sitting in your chair, sleeping in your bed? And the son that you were going to raise, the one you thought of while you were trying to stay alive while bullets were flying over you? That son that you thought was your blood and DNA, now she tells you that it's not yours. You had that happen to you?"

"No. It didn't. But I came home and I found out that my mom was sick. That there was nothing more the doctors can do for her. You said your son was your motivation to stay alive overseas? My mom was mine. So no, I don't know exactly what you're going through but I know enough."

Jay felt safe to walk even closer so he did just that, the sliding doors opened so he can enter the nursery and stood directly in front of Daly. "It's hard as hell and some days you don't even feel like getting up and facing the day. I know. I understand," Jay began. "You're angry all the time because you feel like you lost precious time, time you should've had!"

"I should've been here," Daly started, voice breaking. "I should've been here. If I was then she wouldn't have left me. And there would be no doubt that it's my son."

"It's not too late," Jay reasoned. "If he is your son, it's not too late for you to give this up and you can be in his life. You don't want to do this man."

"He is my son!" Daly screamed, his hold on Will tightening. Jay chanced a quick glance at Will who was getting redder by the second, fear clearly written on his face. Jay hoped that Will could understand what Jay was trying to tell him with his eyes—that there was no way in hell that Jay would let Will get hurt.

"Okay okay," Jay agreed, just wanting to calm the man down. If Daly wanted to live in the delusional fantasy that he was definitely the father then Jay would play along. "You're the father. That's your son in there. You know what that means right?"

"What?"

Jay pointed his finger at the bassinet that was holding the baby behind them. "That as of today, it's your responsibility to protect that boy as much as you can. It's your job man. His life comes first before anything!"

"I know that! I'd give up my life for his!"

"Look at what you're doing right now though Justin!" Jay waved his hand around. "This isn't putting your son first. This isn't protecting him. You want to take him and leave? You want to shoot me and my brother and run? Okay you might get away with your son but as soon as you step out of the hospital, there's a whole squad of teams waiting with their guns for you and they're not going to hesitate to shoot. Your son is going to get caught in the cross fire then. Is that what you want?" Daly didn't reply but Jay could see that his words got to Daly. "You don't want that. You don't want to put your son in danger right?"

Daly finally released his hold on Will. "Will," Jay called, getting Will's attention. "Get out of here!" Will looked reluctant and he stayed put. "Go!" Jay shouted. He just needed to get Will away from the room while Daly was letting him go. The guy was unstable and Jay wasn't sure how long he had before Daly changed his mind again and made promise on his threat to shoot. "Go! Get the fuck out of here!"

Finally Will listened and slowly started walking, his face screaming that he didn't want to leave Jay. "Go," Jay mouthed again, urging Will to make a quick exit. The sooner Will left and got to safety, the sooner Jay could get Daly under custody. Will paused, wanting to stay and say something but Jay had enough and he pushed Will out the door. "I'll be fine, just leave!" With that, Will finally made his exit and Jay knew that the team would be waiting around the corner to get Will to safety. Now Jay could fully focus on bringing Daly under control.

"Okay," Jay resumed speaking to Daly. "We're almost there. Now just pass me the gun and we can walk out of here. Both of us, alive." Daly didn't comply but his eyes were filled with tears, an internal battle clearly brewing with Daly on whether he could surrender or not. "Do it Daly. Do it for your son!" That seemed to be the motivation Daly needed and he slowly began to crouch down. "Okay, just kick your gun to me." Jay instructed.

Daly was almost on his knees, just about to place the gun on the ground and kick it over to Jay when suddenly the red dot sight flashed—a definite sign of a sniper rifle. Daly caught sight of it from the reflection and he panicked, suddenly picking his gun back up, ready to shoot his way out.

It happened so fast. Too fast for his team that waiting behind the wall to make it in time and take actions.

Jay knew he only had one chance—a quick blink of an eye—to catch Daly off guard and stop him before he made his way over to one of the nurses that he was keeping hostage and use her as a body shield from the sniper. So Jay acted fast, taking the small window of opportunity where Daly had his eyes away from him and rushed forward as fast as he could and tackled Daly. The sudden move caught Daly off guard but not enough to release his hold on his gun. But both of them were on the ground now, fighting for dominance as Daly was fighting to get a shot off while Jay fought to get Daly to drop his gun.

Jay grunted as Daly got a few blow into his stomach but Jay held him off, straddling him to get Daly under control. Jay reached for Daly's hand next, trying to hit his wrist so Daly would release the gun but Daly held on, kneeing Jay in the groin. The pain weakened Jay's position and Daly took the opportunity to flip them over, now Jay was on the bottom while Daly had the upper hand. Jay dodged the punches that were coming his way and he reached his hand up to grab hold of Daly's neck and began choking him so he would lose consciousness. When he began to feel Daly lose his strength, Jay flipped them over again and this time, he successfully knocked the gun away from Daly, the gun sliding a few feet away from them. "Stand down!" Jay ordered but Daly didn't listen, using the last burst of strength he had to punch Jay clear across the face, knocking Jay off balance. Jay stumbled to the ground next to Daly and Daly pushed Jay fully off of him, using the chance to scramble and head towards the gun that was laying on the ground. Jay recovered quickly and got on his knees and followed suit. They both raced toward the gun, both stumbling and unbalanced just trying to go as fast as they could. Jay leapt forward toward the gun, seeing Daly do the same from his periphery and both of their hands reached for the weapon that was up for grabs.

Then three shots rang out.

And all that came over Jay's radio was Voight's shouts.

"_Shots fired! Shots fired! Breach! Breach!"_

* * *

A sudden feeling of dread came over Erin and she felt a chill ran up her spine. There was this feeling in her gut that something had gone wrong, even if she didn't know what. She tried to remain calm, not wanting to scare Owen. But she needed an update. She needed answers.

"You want some water Owen?" He nodded. "Okay sit here and watch the game. I'll go get you a glass." She got up from the couch and made her into the kitchen where her iPad was. She went on the internet, hoping for an update and see if they had the gunman under control. But she almost lost her mind when she saw the update of shots being fired inside and somehow she just knew that Jay was inside the hospital where the shots were fired.

She knew she needed to stay calm, just keep pretending that nothing was wrong, for Owen's sakes but she was having a hard time breathing. She was dying to call someone—Jay, Kim, anyone on her team—so she can get a real update and see who was inside. She almost hit dial several times but stopped herself, knowing that no matter what was happening, her team was too busy to be answering her call. And the last thing she wanted to do was distract them or even worse, give them away to the gunman at a pivotal time. So she swallowed her anxiety and the dreadful feeling she had in her heart and focused on what she needed to do—take care of Owen just like she promised Jay.

Even as thirty minutes flew by since she had read the update about shots fired, not even a little bit of that anxious feelings in her stomach lessened. Instead it had heightened even more, hearing radio silence from Jay. She should've gotten a call by now from Jay if he had gotten out safely, even if he had a protocol to follow. Half an hour was plenty of time before he could sneak away and just give her a heads up that he was okay. And the fact that he hadn't made her want to run out the door and head to the hospital so she could see what was going on for herself. She didn't do well with staying behind and waiting around while people she loved were putting their lives at risk.

"Look Erin, the birds score!" Owen cheered as the Seahawks scored a touchdown. "Go birds!"

Erin forced a smile on her face so Owen wouldn't get an idea that his mom and his soon to be stepfather were in danger. "Yeah go birds!" She knew her voice sounded flat but thankfully Owen didn't pick up on it. Instead he giggled, bumping his small fists and he returned his focus on the game, clearly becoming a fan of football that day. But not even Owen's enthusiasm and the Packers losing distracted her from what was going on, her eyes more focused on her phone than the television screen.

Finally, her phone rang and she quickly grabbed it in her hand. "I'll be back," she told Owen and she went to the kitchen to answer the call, thinking it was Jay finally reaching out to her to let her know that he was fine.

But she didn't see Jay's name and the picture of them flashed on the screen like she thought—like she hoped. Her heart dropped as Adam's name came on the screen instead and tears began to well up in her eyes.

There was only one reason why it wasn't Jay calling her. There was only one reason why it was someone else from her team giving her the call—the dreaded notification call. Her lips quivered as her trembling fingers hit the answer button and she shakily brought the phone up to her ear, trying to brace herself for the worst.

"Hello?"


	29. Chapter 29

Chapter 29

"Hello?" She held her breath, bracing herself to hear the worst from Adam.

"Erin?!"

* * *

_30 minutes earlier_

He was just a beat late, half a second really, but that was enough for Daly to grab the gun from the floor and pulled it away from Jay's reach. Jay's mouth dried, his life flashed before his eyes, knowing that his life was in the hand of this unstable man. The sniper that was hiding in the other building wouldn't have a good shot—not without Jay becoming collateral damage too. So it was all up to him.

Daly put his finger on the trigger and pointed it at Jay but Jay grabbed his wrist, trying to prevent Daly from actually pulling the trigger. The worst thing wasn't him getting hit, it was the innocent babies behind him getting caught in the crossfire. They were in a dead even battle, gripping each other, trying to gain control of the gun. Daly got the edge and he slammed Jay to the ground, his back hitting the hard ground with a loud thud. Jay groaned but barely had a second to recover and get past the pain when the head of the gun was pointed in his face again and he was literally staring up at the barrel of the gun. It was a miracle but Jay had moved quick enough and dodged the bullet that shot off the gun, hitting the ground just barely a couple of inches next to his head. Just a couple of inches to the right and Jay would've been dead with a bullet hole in his forehead.

And Daly was at it again, adjusting his aim back on Jay's head. Jay reached up to grab his arms, redirecting his aim to the ground next to him, all while trying to knock the gun out of Daly's hands. He grunted, hitting Daly's wrists as hard as he could but the bastard had a vice grip on the gun. Then just as Daly had it pointed at Jay again and was about to pull the trigger, two more shots went off. Jay shut his eyes tight, waiting for the pain and pressure to come but it never did. Instead a weight fell on top of him and he reopened his eyes to find Daly's body on top of him. Jay lifted his head and found Antonio standing a few feet away, his gun pointed.

Jay groaned, pushing Daly's weight off of him and the assailant groaned in pain, having been shot twice. Jay got on his knees and scanned Daly's body for the source of the bullet wounds.

"He alright?" Antonio asked, running over to join Jay on the ground.

"Yeah. Looks like he's going to live. Just get a medic here!" Jay barked, too busy pressing his hand on Daly's shoulder. "The one on his arm looks like it's through and through but the shoulder one looks bad. Looks like the bullet is lodged in." Antonio nodded, calling for medic on his radio.

Jay was too busy trying to keep Daly alive that he didn't even notice his team members and other tact teams rushing in to the nursery, clearing the room and making sure that the nurses that were held hostages were alright and got them to safety.

"Okay, we got this from here Detective," the paramedic said, pushing Jay slightly to the side so they can tend to Daly. Jay released his hand and stood up, trying to catch his breath. Antonio and Kevin were there by his side, patting his back and trying to calm him down but the adrenaline was pumping so hard in his body that he could barely hear what was going on around him or what his teammates were saying to him. Instead he just let himself get pushed out of the room, his mind spinning too much to really protest being treated like a rag doll.

The cold air that hit him as soon as he stepped out of the hospital to where the rest of Intelligence was gathered outside felt good. He didn't realize how much he was sweating until he started to feel the chill of his sweat drying off.

"You alright Halstead?" Voight asked, scanning his eyes up and down Jay's body. Jay just nodded, his mouth still not working properly.

"That was a close call kid." Al patted Jay's back in comforting manner and handed him a water bottle which Jay took gladly. He gulped down the whole bottle. Who knew that coming inches to death would make a person thirsty but he felt like he needed more water. Finally after taking the last gulp, he felt his heart started to normalize and the heavy thuds in his ears started to ease.

Then all hell broke loose.

Morelli walked over to them, a smug smile on his face and his hand held out like he was waiting for a congratulatory handshake. Instead he had received the full extent of Voight's rage as his Sergeant roared forward and grabbed Morelli by his lapel.

"Who the fuck authorized the sniper?!"

Morelli grunted, trying to get rid of Voight's hold on him but rage was stronger than fear. Adam and Antonio pulled Voight off. Morelli cleared his throat, trying to regain his composure.

"I did," he replied, tugging on his lapel. "It's standard protocol."

"Standard protocol my ass!" Voight barked back. "Your protocol almost got one of my guy killed. We didn't discuss a sniper being there!"

"The sniper was there as a contingency plan!" Morelli defended. "He was supposed to take Daly out as soon as he got the shot. And watch yourself Voight. I don't answer to you and I'm not someone you can push around like one of your lackey. I am the higher ranking person here and if I wanted the damn sniper, I didn't need to clear it with you!"

Voight sneered. "I don't know how they do things over in S.W.A.T and the whole brawn over brain mentality your team seems to have but here in Intelligence, we use our brain and we come up with a smart plan that our team, the whole team, is aware of. You putting that sniper there without giving anyone a heads up was stupid. You want to use one of your monkeys? That's fine! You should've let everyone know that. Especially the guys that are risking their life to go inside the building!"

"My sniper was highly trained and he was just there as a contingency plan."

"You mean the guy who gave away his position without having a shot?" Jay interrupted, unable to bit his tongue back anymore. "That sniper? If he's the best you got then frankly sir, I'm afraid to see the rest of your team."

The glare that Morelli sent Jay's way was strong but Jay's anger was mounting too. He almost had Daly to give himself up but instead that sniper's incompetence by giving away his position too early had almost got Jay killed.

"I'm not talking about this more with you," Morelli huffed, shaking his head and walking away. "Good to see you alive Detective!" He yelled out.

Jay rolled his eyes, shaking his head in disbelief. "I hate fed guys!" Jay grumbled, earning murmurs of agreements from his team.

"Jay!" He turned around and saw Will rushing over to him, engulfing him in a huge hug. Jay was almost knocked off his feet at the impact, letting out a loud grunt. "Man, I'm so glad you're okay!"

"Yeah I'm fine!"

Will squeezed him even more, patting his back. "You are a fucking idiot you know that? What the hell were you thinking taking my place in there!?"

Jay raised his eyebrows. "I'm the idiot?" he asked disbelievingly. "You're the one who went to the maternity ward searching for trouble. Not to mention, I heard you running your mouth. You could've been shot because of your big mouth."

"I almost had him," Will grumbled. "Idiot."

"You're both idiots!" Natalie cut him fondly. "Really, both of you Halsteads are idiots. Brave but idiotic."

Will and Jay rolled their eyes and Will held Natalie tightly to his chest. "I'm glad you're okay," Natalie said, "Both of you."

Jay nodded and smiled. "You too."

"Thank you," Natalie told Jay. "Not just for coming to save us but for getting Will out safely. That was a close call."

"Of course," Jay waved her thank off. "We're family. Or soon to be family." That triggered something for Jay. "Oh that reminds me. Owen."

Will and Natalie's eyes widened. "Right! Oh my god! I can't believe I forgot that Owen was still in daycare! I totally blanked that my mom is out of town. He must be so scared!"

"It's okay," Jay interrupted. "I went to pick him up already and Erin is watching him."

Natalie let out a breath of relief. "Oh, thank you so much Jay. And Erin too."

Jay smiled. "She's happy to help. It's probably driving her crazy that she couldn't do more but she was happy to watch him." A police officer came over. "I think you guys have to go and give your statement," Jay pointed over at the officer. "Just take your time okay? I know it was a close call and both of you guys probably need time to settle down so me and Erin, we can take Owen for the night and you guys can pick him up in the morning."

Will nodded, hugging Jay again. "Thanks man. I really appreciate it. Really." Jay nodded, patting Will's shoulder. Natalie smiled and thanked Jay again before they both followed the officer to give their statement.

* * *

Jay walked back to the team and waited for Daly to be escorted out. Finally after about fifteen minutes, the man was already bandaged up and walked out, cuffed and escorted by several officers. Jay found himself walking over to the man, who almost killed him tonight. But instead of anger, he felt remorse and almost sympathy for the man.

Daly noticed Jay but he remained silent, wondering what Jay was going to say. Jay didn't know himself but all he knew was that he wanted to say something. "Hey man, I'm sorry that it all went down like this," Jay started. "I hope you work out your issues man. Good luck….with everything." Daly didn't reply, just hung his head and refused to make eye contact with Jay until he was pushed and put in the police car.

Adam came over and stood next to Jay and the two men watched as the car drove away to take Daly into custody and book him for his crime. "They found a lab report that the mom did. A paternity test. The kid wasn't his."

Jay didn't know how to feel about Adam's revelation. "So all this was for nothing."

"He thought it was his, you know?" Adam replied. "Sometimes we want something so badly that we lose ourselves."

Jay nodded. "I think he was already lost. This just pushed him over the edge," Jay said to himself. Perhaps there was a part—a huge part—of him that related to Daly. They were almost one and the same: military man who lost their ways when they came home. A sudden heaviness came over Jay's heart—a feeling he hadn't felt in so long. He didn't want to go back down that path, to relive those memories of him returning back home and lost and disillusioned. He didn't want to fall back into that dark hole. He wouldn't. Not this time because now he knew better than to fight his battle alone. Now he knew to ask for help, to lean on Erin.

Thinking of her and how she must be freaking out, he desperately wanted to talk to her. He needed to hear her voice—her raspy but soothing tone that would drown out all the other noises in his head. He reached into his front pocket to pull out his phone, frowning when he saw the front screen cracked. He pressed the button but it didn't work.

"Shit," he cursed. "Hey Adam, let me borrow your phone a second. Mine didn't make it and I want to call Erin." Adam happily handed over his phone and Jay called Erin, unable to wait any longer to hear her voice on the other line.

* * *

"Erin!" She deflated, hearing Jay's voice on the other side. All the fear, dread and worry that filled her body and made her tense just eased out at hearing the most beautiful sound she had ever heard in her life. Jay's voice.

"Jay!" The tears welled up in her eyes quick and she couldn't stop the choked sob that came out of her mouth. "Jay!" That was all she could say at the moment, words of how relieved she was that he was safe not coming to her properly. She leaned against the fridge and fell down to the ground, unable to hold herself up longer.

"Erin, you okay?"

She almost laughed. He was the one who faced danger tonight and he was asking her if she was okay. This man. Her man. She just loved him so much. "Yeah, I'm great. You okay?"

"In one piece," was his reply. There was nothing more Erin wanted at that moment than to have Jay in her arms again so she could squeeze the heck out of him and pour out all of her love for him. She wanted to pepper his face with kisses, a kiss for every pound of relief that coursed through her body that he was just fine.

"I was so worried," Erin whispered hoarsely, the whole waiting thing had been a nightmare. "I was so scared."

"I know babe. I know. But I'm alright. Everyone's alright. Will and Natalie are safe."

Erin nodded even though Jay couldn't see her. "That's good. When are you coming home?"

Jay sighed. "Not for a couple more hours. We need to wrap everything up here and help out with getting the hospital settle again. But I'll be home as soon as I can. I promise."

"Okay," Erin gave in. "Just be safe. I'll see you soon okay? I love you."

Even though she couldn't see him, she almost felt his smile at him replying "I love you too," before they hung up. Erin held the phone in her hand for a bit longer, just she could saw Jay on it. But Owen's little shouts at the game broke her daze and she quickly wiped away her tears, not wanting Owen to see her crying.

* * *

After gathering herself, she sat back down next to Owen who was totally engrossed in the game even though Erin was sure that he didn't understand fully what was going on. But it was enough to see his smiling face. Even the fact that the Packers were winning wasn't enough to sour her mood.

"Go birds!" Owen cheered again, pumping his fist even though the Seahawks were losing and had a turnover. Erin giggled, pulling the boy to her side.

"Go birds!" she agreed, planting a kiss on top of his soft hair.

* * *

Jay was exhausted. He was the type of tired where it seemed to seep into his bones, like coming down hard from an adrenaline high and it took everything out of him. After spending the next couple of hours cleaning things up and wrapping up loose ends at Chicago Med, he was finally done for the night. Now all he needed was a hot shower and a good sleep with Erin wrapped up around him. That was all he had in his mind as he unlocked the door and walked in to their home.

He hung his keys on the hook and made his way further in to where the light was coming from. The television screen was playing some sports highlight show and the city lights from outside the window added to the dim glow of the room. But what caught his attention was the two figures sleeping on the couch, Owen tucked into Erin's side as they both softly snored, deep in their sleep. Jay smiled, his heart lightening up immediately at the sight. Erin's arms around Owen's small body as if she was protecting him in her sleep, Owen relaxed and at peace in her arms, trusting her. It was just what Jay needed after the night he had. Coming home to the people he loved the most.

He sat himself on the edge of the couch, just watching them sleep, the fond smile still glued to his face. His mind drifted off to the thoughts he had been having a lot lately—the future where he and Erin had children of their own. He could just picture the future where Erin was his wife and their little boy or girl would be waiting for him to get home. All the tiredness would be wiped away just like it was right now. He wanted it, he wanted all of it.

He chuckled to himself as Owen began to stir a bit. Jay walked over to him and crouched down, picking up his sleeping body to take him to the guest room. He lifted Owen up slowly, careful to not wake either of the sleeping beauties up, and hoisted Owen over his shoulder and made his way over to the guestroom. But Owen was apparently a light sleeper as he began to move around. Jay shushed him, patting his back softly.

"Go back to sleep buddy."

Owen whined sleepily a bit, squirming in Jay's arms. "It's okay. It's just me, Uncle Jay."

"Where's Mommy?" Owen's sleepy voice asked.

"She and Will will be here in the morning to pick you up. So you can sleep in our big boy bed tonight." He entered the guestroom and gently laid Owen on the bed and tucked him in.

"Erin?" Owen mumbled, still half asleep.

"She's in the living room. Go back to sleep."

Owen mumbled a few more incoherent things, causing Jay to laugh. "She's fun," was the only coherent thing Jay caught.

"Yeah? You had fun with Aunty Erin? What did you guys do anyway?"

Owen squirmed on the bed and muttered, "Rogers bad."

Jay quirked his eyebrow before understanding dawned on him. "Rogers bad? Yeah it sounds like Erin got to you huh?"

"Go birds," was the last sleepy mumble from Owen before he fell back asleep. Jay chuckled to himself before leaning down to plant a kiss on his face.

"Night," he whispered before turning off the lights and softly closing the door.

He made his way back to the living room and kneeled down next to the sofa, taking the chance to just watch Erin in her peaceful sleep. She was the one person he wanted to come home to for the rest of his life, the one person he wanted waiting for him every day. Going through nights like this just made things clearer—even more so than before. He sighed, grunting slightly as he stood up and sat on the edge of the couch, ignoring his sore muscles. He reached over and ran his fingers gently over Erin's cheeks, smiling to himself at the soft touch he felt. And just like that, all the heaviness in his heart, all the doubts that were swarming in his head about what he could've done better tonight, all the what-ifs and what-abouts just vanished, all at the sight of her.

She finally stirred and fluttered her eyes open, immediately widening at the sight of him. Then before he knew it, he was engulfed by her everything. Her arms were wrapped tight around his neck while her mouth was peppering kisses all over his face and just about everywhere she could reach and he just let himself relish in the moment. "You're okay!" she kept muttering in between kisses and he just chuckled, just trying to hold her in his embrace. "You are okay right?" she finally managed to pull away to scan him and made sure that he was fine.

"Yeah Erin. I'm perfect now." She scanned him again for good measure but all he needed was her lips so he pulled her close to him and connected their lips. That was all he needed. She sighed into the kiss, especially when he sank his hands into her hair and pulled her closer. She pressed her forehead against his and they regained their breath together.

"I was so worried," was her whisper against his skin. He understood her fear, knowing he would've been the same if he was in her shoes.

"I know. But I'm okay. I promise." She just nodded, looking into his eyes.

"Will? Natalie? Everyone's okay?"

"Everyone's just fine."

"What about the gunman? Did he make it out alive?"

"He got shot a couple of times but he'll live." Jay shrugged, his mind clouding again at the mention of Daly. He was just so close—so so close—to get Daly to give in but he had failed and the man had gotten hurt. The last he heard from the medics was that while his injuries weren't life threatening, the bullet lodged into his arm looked pretty bad. And Jay just hated the thought of a Veteran who had already fallen so deep to get another punch in the mouth—the knockout punch.

"Hey where'd you go?" Erin's worried voice broke him out of his thoughts and he met her inquiring eyes. He gave her a small smile and shook his head, waving her concern off.

"So I heard that you've taught Owen some interesting things tonight."

She grinned. "Hey it was about time he learns that the Packers and Rodgers suck. After all, he's a Chicagoan. And Will wasn't even going to watch football with him. Can you believe your brother?"

Jay laughed, kissing her cheek. "Well, I'm glad that you're in Owen's life now. Got to teach him the important thing."

"Damn right," she agreed, smiling when he laid a kiss on the side of her head. "So Owen is spending the night here?"

"Yeah, I put him in the guest room. Will and Natalie are probably going to be busy all night with getting Med back in order with all the patients and maybe even need time to de-stress. Told them we'd be happy to keep him for the night and they could pick him up in the morning."

Erin agreed, leaning into Jay's arm. "He's really an adorable kid. Will and Natalie are lucky."

"Yeah. He's the best." _Until our kid_ was what he wanted to add but he kept it to himself.

"Are you hungry? I have some mac and cheese left over." Jay shook his head.

"I just want to get to bed." He just wanted to sleep the night away, cuddled up with Erin. She nodded, understanding his wish and stood up from the couch and held out her hand. He grabbed onto her and wrapped his arms around her back and they both stumbled clumsily to their bedroom, attached to each other.

Jay didn't bother changing, just getting rid of his shirt and pants until he was in his boxers and laid down. She immediately cuddled into him, just like he needed, and he laid a kiss on her hair. That was all he needed to de-stress and unwind from the day. Just her. So he voiced it, wanting her to know just how vital her presence was to him and his sanity. Just how her usual-Erin smell and her arms around him brought him a type of serenity that didn't exist anywhere else in his world.

She didn't need to reply with words. Just a smile into his chest and her fingers telling another bedtime story for his heart to hear were just the reply he needed.

* * *

It was the sudden and rapid knocks that reverberated through the rooms that woke him up, high alert and had him reaching for his gun. His sudden movement in bed woke Erin up from her peaceful sleep too, ready to back him up even in her half asleep state. But he motioned for her to stay in bed and stay in the room. But of course, Erin was Erin and he should've known that there was no way she was staying behind so they both walked to the door to see who was waking them up at four in the morning. He looked in the peephole and released an annoyed sigh.

"It's Will and Natalie," he told Erin and opened the door, finding his brother and his fiancé on the other side, bouncing on their feet. "What are you guys doing here?"

They just entered the apartment, practically pushing Jay out of the way. "We couldn't wait to see Owen any second so as soon as we were done, we came straight here," Natalie said. "Where's my boy?"

Erin pointed to the guestroom. "He's sleeping. Come on, I'll take you there." She led Natalie to the guestroom, leaving Jay and Will in the living room.

"What's with the gun?" Will gestured with his head to the gun Jay was holding in his hand. "Expecting any intruders?"

Jay rolled his eyes, making sure the safety was on and putting his gun on the counter. "Just a couple of idiots who thought it was a good idea to knock on a cop's door like the world was ending at four in the morning."

"Yeah," Will grimaced. "Sorry about that. Natalie was just eager to see Owen. And I was too. I just want to hug my little boy you know?" Jay nodded, understanding.

"Will!" Owen shouted happily, despite still being sleepy at seeing Will and he squirmed in Natalie's arms until she handed him off to Will who happily caught the boy.

"Hey little man, you have a fun night?" Owen nodded, quickly falling back asleep on Will's shoulders. Jay chuckled seeing how Owen could be hyper as hell a minute then falling asleep just as fast another. Kids.

"Thank you so much Erin for watching Owen tonight," Natalie said, hugging Erin.

"Of course. I had fun too. He's a great kid." Erin smiled at the proud parent look that came across both Natalie and Will's faces. "And I'm so happy that you guys are okay. Really."

"Yeah it was a close call," Will sighed. "But Jay here was the hero as usual. Saved my ass." Erin turned her head over to Jay and gave him a beaming smile, although the confusion was on her face, Jay haven't had a chance to fully tell Erin what happened just yet.

"Everyone is alive and kicking to see another day. That's all that matter right?"

"I think we got to get this little guy in bed so we should get going." They exchanged final hugs and Erin laid a kiss on Owen's face. "Thanks again Erin." Will said and he and Natalie left, carrying Owen.

* * *

Jay was having a hard time falling back asleep after being woken up so he just laid still in bed, not wanting to wake Erin up again. He turned to his side slowly until he was facing her. She was on her stomach, hand tucked under her pillow and the moonlight that came in from the window was hitting her just right—making her glow against the darkness of the bedroom. So Jay just took the chance to watch her in her dreamland.

"I can feel your eyes on me," she mumbled, squinting an eye open to look at him. He laughed, bringing his hand to rest on her hip and tugged her close to him. "Can't sleep?"

He shook his head. "I always have a hard time falling back asleep." She just nodded, her hand tracing pattern on his bare back, trying to lull him back asleep. "That feels good," he muttered, closing his eyes.

"Yeah?" She scooted closer to him and laid a few soft kisses on his chest. "How about this?"

"Mmmm," he moaned, "That feels better." She laughed softly, laying a few more kisses on his chest.

"What's on your mind?" she asked between kisses, knowing the perfect way to get him to open up. "Tell me," she gently held his shoulder until he was looking at her in the eyes, knowing that he wouldn't be able to refuse her.

He sighed, burying his face in her hair. "Just thinking about what went down earlier."

She nodded, knowingly. "Will said you saved him? What happened?"

"You know Will. He wasn't supposed to be in the maternity ward but he went searching for Natalie and instead of him finding Natalie and saving her, he became the hostage. Of course, he was running his mouth as usual even with a gun pointed at him so I went in and distracted Daly so he wouldn't shoot Will."

"Jay," her tone was unreadable and Jay didn't know whether she was angry with him or not for putting himself in danger. She didn't elaborate or said anything else, just pressing her palms on his chest, allowing him to continue.

"And I almost had him. I almost had him giving up but Daly, he saw the red dot from the sniper from across the building and he panicked. And we just started grappling for the gun. He got the edge on me and I came…." he paused, "I came so close to getting hit with the bullet. But I got lucky and Antonio stopped him. Shot him twice."

"Better him than you."

He released a small chuckle, although there was nothing funny about the situation. "The thing is I still feel like I failed him. Like I should've stopped him before he got shot. And I almost had him too. He was about to drop the gun and surrender himself but some power tripping SWAT guy thought he knew better and put a sniper on the case. But I almost had him, Erin."

"Jay, it's not your fault," Erin said, holding onto his arm. "This guy, he made his choice when he decided to hold the hospital hostage. He was the one who decided to hold up babies. He made that choice."

"Yeah I know. I get that," he sighed. "But I just…there was this part of him that I could relate to."

"What do you mean?"

"He was in the military just like I was but it's more than that. He came home and found that there was nothing waiting for him. I know what that's like." He shut his eyes, just kept his face buried in her hair. It made it easier for him to talk, to open up. "Erin, when you're deployed and fighting for your life overseas, it's hard. Not just to stay alive but _to want_ to stay alive. Some days when bullets are flying past you or you're crawling through mud and god knows what else, you just come to a point when you think it's just easier to give up, not have to fight for every breath, to get past every day in that desert hell. But then you remember what's waiting for you back home, what you have to lose. Everyone has something or someone." His voice became strained, thinking about his mother. "For me, it was my mom. She was the picture I kept in my head when I was fighting to make my way out, just kept picturing her face knowing that every bullet that I shot, every day that passed was one day closer to seeing her again."

It was something that was hard to talk about for him, even with all the support group sessions. Even with all the years that passed. But her soothing hands on his skin was the key that unlocked all the darkness he held inside, hidden away from the world so no one, especially her, ever saw it. But they made promises to each other—to help carry each other's load. And tonight, his back was straining from the weight and she was willing to offload some of it.

"Then I came home and found out that my mom was sick, Will was off to wherever he was and my dad was too busy caring about himself. And just as quickly as I had her back, I lost her. The only person that kept me alive, one that made me want to fight to live, she was gone. And that broke me." He sighed, recalling the dark time in his past. "So I drowned myself in alcohol and nameless women every night, not wanting to feel anything. To stop living. When Daly was telling me about his story, how his wife and his son were his motivation while he was there and coming home and finding out that his wife was having an affair and that the son wasn't his and losing everything he thought he had? I got that. I understood that. I don't know. I got where he was coming from I guess."

"Jay, so you sympathized with him. That's because that's the type of man you are. Understanding, compassionate. It doesn't make you a bad person."

"Erin, he held up newborn babies, put them in danger and I empathized with him? What kind of monster am I?"

Erin pulled away enough so she could hold his face, not allowing him to hide anymore. She cupped his face with enough force so he was staring at her, full focus on her, no hair or walls to hide behind. "You are a good man Jay Halstead. The best man I know. You didn't hold anyone hostage. You didn't hurt anyone, even when you were lost and suffering. You didn't put anyone in danger. So you empathized with Daly. That just showed how big of a heart you have. That you were willing to look past the heinous thing he was doing and see how lost he was. And not just seeing it but understanding it and wanting to help him. Not a lot of people would do that. Not a lot of people would risk their life like you did tonight. They would've happily let the sniper take the shot and call it a day, not caring if Daly was brought in alive or not. That doesn't make you a monster. If anything, that makes you a hero. My hero."

"I don't feel like a hero," Jay whispered. "I feel like I failed."

She ran her thumb on his jaw, smoothing the skin. "You said you almost had him surrender right? You got through to him Jay. That sniper being there wasn't on you. You didn't fail anyone. Daly's alive, he'll live to see another day. Hopefully to put his life back together just like you did. I don't know about you but that's called a success in my book."

Jay nodded, letting Erin's comforting words wash over him, trying to drown the noises in his head. She always knew just what to say, just how to make him feel better and he was eternally grateful for this woman that was lying next to him, happy to have her in his life, carrying his load that was too heavy for him.

"Thank you," he told her sincerely, running his fingers on her face. She tried to wave it off like it wasn't a big deal but he wouldn't let her. "No, Erin. I mean it. Thank you." He kissed her. "I can't even being to explain what it means to have you here with me. You, everything about you, just makes everything about me better."

She smiled, capturing his lips again. "Well get used to it because I plan to be here for a long time."

"Even if I keep waking you up at 4 in the morning?"

She chuckled. "Even then." _For the rest of their lives_ remained unspoken between them but somehow they knew, understanding the unspoken words without needing to be said. Jay just tugged her closer to his chest, letting her rest her face on his chest and letting her soothe him like she had been doing all night.

* * *

"You know what's in three days right?"

Jay turned around in the kitchen, catching Erin send him a heated look from her seat on the couch. He bit his lips, pretending to think over her question. "Hmmm? Dentist appointment? A night out at Molly's?"

She rolled her eyes, leaning back on the couch. "Hmm, don't start with me Halstead. If you can't remember what's in three days, I will hurt you."

He laughed, walking over to the couch and plopped down next to her. "Remind me again?"

She didn't wait a second before jumping on him and straddling him on the couch, arms going around his neck and head bending down to kiss him deeply. She moaned into the kiss as his hands roamed all over her body. "Thought it'd be better to demonstrate it for you instead." She raised her eyebrows at him. "Remember now?"

He leaned up to catch her lips again, sticking his tongue in her mouth. He snuck his hand underneath her sweater and explored the smooth skin he found there, gripping her back. "Yeah, it's coming back to me. Slowly. Need a bit more reminder though."

In three days, Erin would have her final check up with the doctor. She had already completed most of her physical therapy and was feeling better than ever, both mentally and physically but they were waiting for the final approval from Rhodes so not only she could return to work but he could finally have her fully again and make love to her like he had been dying to do for the past month. They had been counting down the days, practically bursting with anticipation and needs that had been building up for weeks. Jay had an inkling that their first time in over a month would just have them ripping off their clothes in mere minutes and he couldn't wait.

"Hmm," she moaned into his mouth, tongue swirling around his as her fingers played with the hair on the nape of his neck. "That's enough of a reminder." She pecked his lips a couple of more times and made to get off but he held her in his embrace, her still on his lap.

"Excited to get back to work?" he asked, twirling her hair around his fingers.

"Oh yeah," she quickly answered. "Maybe even more than anything else." She teased him, squealing with laughter when he dug his fingers in her side, tickling her. "Okay okay, I give up!"

"That's what I thought!" he smirked at her, catching her lips again.

"Don't get so cocky there Halstead. I'm going to have my gun back soon."

"Hmm, not before you have to recertified for your weapon," he grinned, teasing her. "And who knows? Maybe your time on SVU might've dulled your skill a bit. I mean do you guys even fire your weapons there?"

She smacked his chest. "I'm pretty sure I can still kick your ass when it comes to shooting Halstead. It's like riding a bike. You never forget. Muscle memory."

"Challenge accepted," Jay said. "We'll see who's still the best shot in this house is."

"Me!" they both said simultaneously, laughing at each other's response.

"You're such a dork!" she chuckled, smacking his chest fondly.

"But you love this dork."

She sighed. "Unfortunately I do," she bent down to kiss him again. "A lot. Too much for my own good really."

He smiled into the kiss. "That's a good thing this dork loves you that much too. What are we going to do?"

"Live happily ever after together?" she whispered. "Although I'll take keep making out for right now."

"Mmmm, exactly what I was thinking," he mumbled before they reconnected their lips again. She moved her mouth to his neck, pecking at the strip of skin she found there. He held her hip, fingers gripping at it in pleasure. They were in their own heaven, getting lost in each other when rapid knocks came through the door.

"Jay! Erin!" Will shouted from the other side. Jay groaned, feeling Erin laid her head in between his neck in frustration. "I know you're in there! Open up!"

"I'm going to kill Will!" Jay griped. "Why does he insist on keep knocking at our door in the middle of the night?"

Erin sighed. "Let's just see what he wants." Jay groaned, Erin getting off of him so he could stand up and open the door. He had a glare on his face as he swung the door open, ready to give Will a piece of his mind about interrupting him and Erin at an ungodly hour of the night.

"Finally!" Will shouted as he and Natalie barged their way inside.

"What the hell do you want Will?"

Erin walked over and stood next to him, seeing the gleeful and grinning faces of Will and Natalie. "What's going on?" Erin asked.

"Pack your bags guy!" Will said, bouncing on his feet. "We're eloping!"


	30. Chapter 30

Chapter 30

If someone had ordered Erin to guess what she would be doing on a Friday night, squeezing into the back of Will's 4-door sedan with Owen in his car seat in the middle on their way to the cabin in Wisconsin would've been her last guess. But apparently, that was her reality now. After Will had dropped the bomb on them about he and Natalie eloping, he had hurried them to pack for the weekend away and basically pushed both of them into the back of his car and they were off.

"I thought you guys wanted an outdoor wedding in the Spring. What happened?"

Will looked back at Jay, holding Natalie's hands as he drove. "We've decided that we didn't want to wait any longer, especially after what we went through with the hostage situation. Life is short you know. We don't know what's going to happen every day."

"And we were lucky enough to find each other and we want to make it official as soon as possible. We want to be a family, the three of us." Natalie added, beaming.

"So what's the plan here?"

"Well, we've talked to Pastor Dave from that little church a few miles from the cabin. Remember him Jay?" Jay nodded. "He agreed to officiate the ceremony in the morning. That's why we had to rush you guys. We want to get to the cabin by about three in the morning, get a few hours of sleep and in the morning, me and Natalie are going down to the courthouse there and get our marriage license. In the afternoon, Pastor Dave will come and officiate the wedding. You two will be our witness." Will laid out the plan. "Jay, you'll be pulling double duty as my best man of course and a witness."

"It all seems a little rush Will," Erin piped in. "Are you two sure you don't want any other friends or family there? Natalie, how about your mom?"

Natalie shook her head. "My mom is still on vacation for a couple of more weeks. And it's not like we're not going to have a reception later where all of our friends and family can come. But for this, just the five of us is enough. That's all we need."

Erin smiled, touched by the fact that she was being included in this. When she first came back to Chicago, her and Will's relationship had been rocky to say the least. Will had been angry with her for how she left things with Jay—not that she could blame him—but they had worked through it and now they were on better terms. And even though she had never been particularly close with Natalie, Erin was appreciative that they wanted her to be there when they committed the rest of their lives to each other. "Thank you," she voiced, reaching across from the back seat to touch both of their arms. "For inviting me."

Will sent Erin a grin. "Of course we want you there," Natalie also nodded, agreeing. "Besides, we're going to be family." Erin looked over at Jay, curious at how he was going to react to Will's statement. She didn't know what to expect at Will basically implying that she and Jay were going to get married one day but as Jay just winked flirtatiously at her, she couldn't help but smile back, blushing under his attention. Jay kept his eyes on her and Erin couldn't look away and they shared their little moment in the backseat of the small sedan.

"Go birds!" Owen shouted, raising his little hands, turning to Erin. Erin chuckled, reaching over to tickle his tummy, causing Owen to shriek in laughter.

"Oh thanks by the way Erin, for teaching Owen about football," Natalie turned to look at Erin playing with Owen. "He has been saying 'go birds' all week. It's so adorable. Although it was driving my mom crazy. She's a Packers fan and Owen kept on saying 'Rogers bad' whenever they facetimed together."

"I had to teach the little guy about America's sport, seeing as how Will hasn't gotten around to it."

"Hey," Will shouted, indignant. "Football is a violent sport. It's barbaric."

"Oh this coming from the guy that got himself and Jay front row seats for MMA?" Erin shot back. "That's not barbaric?"

"That's art!" both Jay and Will said at the same time, causing Erin to roll her eyes, sharing a look with Natalie.

"Sure, sure," Erin relented.

"Besides your effort to turn Owen into a Bears fan has failed. I think you've turned him into a Seahawks fan instead."

"It's okay," Erin said, ruffling Owen's hair. "As long as there's one less Packers fan in the world, it's a worthy sacrifice." She turned to Owen. "isn't that right? Give me five!" She held her hand up and Owen gave her a high five. Erin laughed, looking up to find Jay looking at her completely mesmerized by her interaction with Owen. She reached over to hold Jay's hand, squeezing it. Jay didn't say anything, not wanting to break the moment so he just flipped her palm over and intertwined their fingers together.

* * *

It was a long ride to get to the cabin and Erin had slept most of the way there, only waking up every so often when there were heavy bumps on the road. Each time she woke up, she saw Jay either playing with Owen or helping Owen feel more comfortable in his car seat and each time, she just fell in love with him a little bit more. He was such a caring person and it was just instinctive for him, like he didn't have to think about it, it just came naturally. He had the biggest heart of anyone she had met and she just knew that he would be the best father to their children. She felt her heart skipped a beat when the thought of her and Jay having a kid made its way into her mind. She had never been the one to crave for the whole 2.5 kids and a white picket fence dream but as she snuck peeks at Jay playing along to Owen's game that only Owen understood the rules to, she felt herself wanting it more than anything—the whole nine yards with Jay.

* * *

They made good time and arrived at the cabin a little bit earlier than Will had expected. But seeing as it was past 2 in the morning, Erin was beat and she just wanted to crash for how many hours she had before she needed to get up and help Natalie get ready for the wedding. She stepped out of the car and stretched her body, yawning. Will and Jay unloaded their luggage from the car and led the way down the path to the cabin.

It felt almost strange for Erin to be back at the cabin. She knew just what this place meant to Jay. The memory of Jay excitedly telling her about the cabin and all the 'perks' that came with it for the first time still ran clear in her mind. That excitement and giddiness were only multiplied by ten-fold when he finally got her to willingly come to the cabin for the first time when they first became official and he had shown her around, showing off everything he talked excitedly about back in the bullpen and they were still sneaking around.

It had been right after Jay went through the whole ordeal with Terry. She didn't realize just how much Terry's death would impact Jay—since it hadn't been that long since they knew each other—but when she found him breaking down in the locker room, her heart completely shattered for him. There was her Jay, who had been nothing but strong and unwavering for her ever since she had known him, being a broken and sobbing mess on the floor and she couldn't do anything but just held him in her arms while he clung to her. She wanted to do something—anything—to ease his pain but she knew there was nothing she could do except let time pass by and let Jay work through the process. It wasn't until Voight told her that he had basically forced Jay to take a week off that the idea had come to her so she packed a suitcase for them and asked Will for the address and directions to the cabin and whisked him here—his favorite place to heal. It had been just what they both needed—time to themselves, doing nothing but getting lost in each other and healing each other with kisses and caresses and forgetting about the troubles and darkness that came with their job that was waiting for them back home.

She didn't think she'd be back here again after she and Jay broke up. But as soon as she stepped into the cabin, it was just like she remembered and the cozy feeling that the cabin always emitted the several times she had been here still remained the same.

"Why don't you and Jay take the master bedroom and we'll take the smaller one down the hall," Will suggested.

"No," Erin protested, not wanting to take the bigger room when it was Will and Natalie's special occasion. "It's your wedding. You guys have the big room."

Will shook his head. "It's okay really," Will insisted. "The master bedroom is practically Jay's at this point and besides, the three of us are only staying for tonight."

Both Erin and Jay frowned, looking confused.

"We're leaving for our honeymoon right after the ceremony tomorrow," Natalie explained, seeing the looks on Jay and Erin's faces. "We couldn't get a lot of time off of work and we really wanted a honeymoon so we're just kind of squishing everything in."

"Where are you guys going for honeymoon?" Jay asked.

"We can watch Owen while you guys go on your honeymoon," Erin offered at the same time.

Will held up his hand. "Thank you, really but the little guy is coming with us," Will picked up Owen and carried him on his shoulders. "It's going to be a family trip. We're going to Disneyland! You excited buddy?" Owen squealed with excitement at hearing Disneyland.

"That's your honeymoon?" Jay asked, narrowing his eyebrows. "Not very romantic. Although Owen seems very excited."

"Oh trust me Jay, this big kid here is more excited than Owen," Natalie quipped, fondly rolling her eyes at her husband to be.

Will grinned. "Star Wars Land," he clarified. "It's going to be so awesome!"

"I didn't know that you were one of those Star Wars geek."

"Hey!" Will said affronted, "We prefer to be called Star War enthusiasts."

"Yeah, I think 'enthusiast' went out the window when you tried to convince me that a real life size Stormtrooper would make a great piece of décor in the living room."

Erin's mouth dropped at that and she looked over at Jay. "Please tell me you're not one of them too."

Jay rolled his eyes, scoffing. "Of course not," he wrapped his arms around Erin. "Besides you know me babe. I'm a Trekkie," he winked, holding up the hand signal for the Vulcan salute.

Erin sighed, leaning into his arms and looking over at Natalie. "What have we gotten ourselves into?" she asked, commiserating over the fact that both of them were heads over heels crazy for the two Halstead brothers and every little quirks that came with them. Jay just chuckled, Erin feeling his chest rumbled against her head as he pulled her closer to him, dropping a kiss on her head.

"Too late, I've got you right where I want you," he teased, nuzzling their noses together. "And I'm not letting you go. Ever."

"Promise?" Erin asked, looking up at him, her hand on his chest. Jay nodded, meeting her for a kiss.

"Oh boo!" Will shouted, covering Owen's eyes with his hands. "My son doesn't need to see this. Get a room you two!"

Erin and Jay laughed, Jay bending down to pick up their luggage before grasping Erin's hands and leading her down the hallway to their room. "Finally a good idea from you Will!" Jay shouted, looking back at them. "Good night!"

"And here I thought we were the ones that were supposed to be sickeningly sweet, you know? Since we're the one that are actually getting married tomorrow. Not you two!" Will shouted at their backs. Jay just waved his hands up, ignoring Will.

* * *

Erin yawned, only having gotten about three hours of sleep, but they had a lot to get done before the Pastor would come over and Will and Natalie would officially be husband and wife and since it was just her and Jay, it was basically up to her get all the decorations up and ready before Will and Natalie came back from the court house with their marriage license.

After dropping them off at the courthouse, she and Jay had stopped by the local store and bought some flowers and a few other simple things to make the ceremony more eventful. Seeing as how it was such a small town, it didn't leave Erin much options to work with but she was crafty enough, stringing some flowers on a piece of twine to wrap around the porch of the cabin, creating a beautiful backdrop for the ceremony.

She stood up on the chair to reach the top so the entire porch would be wrapped around with the handmade flower vine, stretching on her tippy toe so she can actually reach it, despite already being on a chair. It was times like this that she hated being petite. Jay came out of the cabin and noticed her predicament and instead of helping her with his 6'3" length, he just leaned on the side of the banister, crossing his arms and grinning up at her.

"A little help here Jay?" she grunted.

"I think I'm fine here," Jay replied, "I'm enjoying the view too much," he added, his eyes stuck on her ass as he admired her from the bottom. She gave him a glare, muttering about how he wasn't going to get anywhere near that ass if he didn't get his own ass up on the chair to get this done. Jay laughed, walking over to where she was standing and lifted her off the chair by her legs with ease and set her down on the ground. Then he grabbed the vine from her hand, got on the chair and easily wrapped it around the top of the porch.

"What would you do without me?" he joked as he stepped down and came over to her. She pressed her lips together, pretending to think her answer over.

"Hmm, let's hope I never have to find out," she answered, hands reaching up to brush away a piece of flower petal that had fallen on his head. "Thank you."

He hummed, giving her a quick peck before stepping back to admire the handiwork. "It looks good."

"Yeah? Think they'll like it?" Erin was nervous. She wasn't the most creative person or had the girliest tastes. But she still wanted to make the cabin beautiful enough for a wedding, no matter how hastily it had been put together.

"They'll love it," Jay reassured her, wrapping his arms around her from behind as they stood on the steps of the cabin. Apparently luck was on their side because instead of the usual snow that was to be expected in Wisconsin in January, the weather was actually behaving. There had been a forecast of a snowstorm predicated for that night but it didn't affect the wedding so it was a problem for a later time. "I can't believe they're actually doing this," Jay shook his head. "For the past year, I have had to listen to both of them drone on and on about what they want at their wedding, which venues were available, which flowers they wanted. Trust me, I learned more about the in and outs of a wedding than I ever needed to know. And now they're giving up all that to elope."

"I guess when it just feels right, you just got to do it," Erin replied, resting her hands on his arms that were wrapped around her. "At the end of the day, it doesn't matter where they get married or what kind of flowers are there. It just matters the person that's waiting for you at the end of the aisle." He bent his head and laid a kiss on her neck, conceding and agreeing with her. She closed her eyes automatically, the sensation of his lips on the sensitive spot on her neck feeling too good not to. They remained standing in that position for a while, his head buried in her neck while he embraced her from behind before Erin pulled away. "Come on, we still have to finish a couple more things before they get back and I still have to change."

* * *

Jay knocked on the door and entered Will's room, finding his brother by the mirror, trying to put his tie on but having a hard time. Jay went over to him and helped Will fix his tie, Will giving him a thank you smile. After making sure that the tie was perfectly placed in the middle, Jay smoothed out a couple of wrinkles on Will's suit, looking at him in the mirror.

"You ready man?" Jay asked, meeting Will's eyes in the mirror. His brother looked a bit nervous but the happiness and excitement were evident on his face, nodding in reply at Jay.

"I can't believe it's actually happening," Will voiced, nerves filling his voice. "I can't believe this day is finally here. Who would have thought that I'd be getting married before you?" Will joked, sharing a laugh with his older brother.

"Yeah, who would've thought that you would stop screwing everything that moved in sight and would actually settle down?" Jay retorted, earning a playful punch from Will. He grinned, seeing the happiness on his younger brother's face before clearing his throat, voice more serious. "But really though, I'm really happy for you. You're about to get everything you dreamt about. A wife and a great son."

Will nodded, looking serious for the first time that day. There was a look of sadness in Jay's eyes that Will noticed and he knew that it didn't have anything to do with him. "Listen Jay," Will started, holding Jay's shoulder. "I just wanted to say thank you again for letting me propose to Natalie with mom's ring."

Jay nodded, solemnly before trying to put on his best smile. But it was clear that Will saw right through it. "No problem. You got there first, it's the right thing to do."

"But still," Will cut him off. "I know how important that ring is to you and how close you were with Mom. I'm sorry that you didn't get to propose to Erin with it like you wanted to. But I swear to you, we are going to take care of the ring and do right by it."

Jay dipped his head, accepting Will's words and promise, before pulling his brother in a tight hug. "I know. I have no doubt." He patted Will's back and pulled away, pasting on a smile. "Come on, let's go get you married."

* * *

The ceremony was short but sweet. Pastor Dave stood at the head by the lake, Will on one side, Jay behind him as his best man and Owen by Will's legs. Erin had helped Natalie get dressed into a simple white dress and of course, since it was freezing outside Natalie opted for a white faux fur coat to cover up. But Erin thought she still looked gorgeous all the same, the genuinely happy smile on her face making for the best accessory for the wedding.

Erin had led the way, walking along the flower covered path that she and Jay created earlier in the day and the whole entire walk down the aisle, Jay's eyes were on her as soon as she stepped out of the cabin, like he was completely captivated by her. She was just as enamored by him, seeing him stand there in his suit, looking incredibly handsome. They shared a secret smile as she continued down the path, their eyes never leaving each other until Erin reached the end and walked over to stand on the other side, ready to act as Natalie's bridesmaid.

The vows between Natalie and Will were incredibly heartfelt, both of them promising to love and respect each other and vowing to become a family, the three of them. Erin felt her eyes teared up, seeing Owen stand in between the couple, looking up at them with so much trust and love in his eyes, knowing that he was getting the family that he deserved. Will was going to make such a great step-dad, Erin was sure. It was obvious just how much he adored and loved Owen, as if he was his own.

When it was time to exchange rings, she glanced over at Jay, wanting to see his reaction and her smile faltered a bit when she noticed a faraway look on his face. He quickly recovered though, the smile coming back on his face but not quite reaching his eyes. Erin became curious at the slight change in his demeanor but was quickly distracted when Will had dipped Natalie into a passionate kiss as Pastor Dave had pronounced them husband and wife and she cheered, bending down to grab Owen's hands to join him in his cheers also. It had been a picture perfect moment as the newly pronounced Mr. and Mrs. Halstead, holding hands, shared another kiss before Will lifted Owen and the little boy was in the middle of the couple, both of them kissing each chubby cheeks. Erin cheered, raising her bouquet in happiness, her heart filling with pure glee for the new family.

Somehow Will had managed to pull his attention away from his new wife and stepson long enough to pull Erin into a hug, thanking her for all of her help. She brushed his thank off. "That's what family's for right?" He nodded, pulling her into another hug. Jay joined them and the two brothers shared another quick hug, Jay reiterating just how happy he was for Will in a sincere congratulation.

She held out her hand and smiled when Jay took it, lacing their fingers together before bringing her hand to his lips and laying a kiss on it. She looked up at him, searching for that look in his eyes that she saw earlier. "You okay?" she asked, brushing his jaw gently, eyes concerned.

He just nodded in reply, reassuring her that he was great before meeting her lips in a tender kiss. "I love you," he told her, gazing at her with so much sincerity in his eyes. He didn't need to voice it for her to know of his love for her, _she felt it_. She felt it whenever he looked at her, whenever he touched her, whenever he held her in his arms, as if he never wanted to let her go. But she loved hearing the words—so simple yet so complex all at the same time—just the same. He could repeat the three words a million times and she would never tire of listening to it.

* * *

After the ceremony, they had a quick lunch over at the only diner in town. It was a sight to be seen, the five of them in their dresses and suits, stuffing themselves into a booth at the diner, a round of burgers for each of them.

"I propose a toast," Jay spoke up, holding up his glass of water, "As the best man, it's my responsibility to make some sort of speech but given that I wasn't given much notice of the wedding taking place today, I don't have a speech prepared so I'm just going to speak from the heart." They all gave their attention to Jay, listening intently at what he had to say. "Will, my little brother, I am so happy for you and this journey you're about to embark on. I remember when you first met Natalie, you came back home to my apartment and just told me that you were in love. Of course, she couldn't stand you at first because come on, it's you," he joked, earning a round of soft laughters from Natalie and Erin while Will looked less amused. "But I knew she would see your sincerity and the love you have for her eventually. Because it was obvious to me from the start just how much you love her and how much you love Owen. Now as of today, you three are officially a family and I couldn't be happier for you, all three of you. Will, I love you man. And Natalie and Owen, welcome to the family."

They all toasted and cheered, glasses clinking against one another. Erin reached under the table to hold Jay's hand and he turned to her, giving her a kiss on the side of the head before bringing his arms around her. She leaned into his body, sighing in contentment, enjoying the perfect atmosphere between the five of them where love and happiness overflowed from each of them. The wedding and the reception might have been low key and non-fussy but it was just perfect because Will and Natalie got to celebrate their love for each other exactly the way they wanted to and Erin was happy that she was part of the day that was all about love.

* * *

By mid-afternoon, Will, Natalie and Owen had their luggage already packed and they were ready to leave for their honeymoon to Disneyland. Jay was going to be driving them to the airport for their flight and she and Jay were going to drive Will's car back to Chicago when they return home. She had hugged the newlyweds and Owen goodbye and wished them a fun honeymoon and they were off, ready to go on their first family vacation.

Erin had stayed behind, Jay reassuring her that he was fine driving them alone to the airport and that he'd rather she stayed behind to get some rest, knowing that she didn't get much sleep the night before. Erin honestly couldn't refuse, her eyes practically falling close by themselves so he just tucked her in bed and kissed her goodbye before leaving and Erin had easily slipped into a deep and restful sleep. There was just something about being at the cabin and being surrounded by nature and the peaceful atmosphere that made sleep come easier for her. She had dozed off completely and by the time she woken up, the light outside was gone and was replaced by complete darkness. There was a strong chill in the room and as Erin looked outside the window, she saw heavy snow coming down, the ground already being covered by inches of white snow. She rubbed her hands together in a sad effort to get warm and wrapped the blanket around herself and exited the bedroom, wondering where Jay was. She missed him and the warmth of his body and she wanted him in bed with her, holding her.

The whole cabin was now enveloped in darkness except for a soft glow coming from the living room, indicating where Jay was. Her feet patted lightly into the room, searching for Jay and that was where she found him. He was sitting on the floor, his back leaning against the couch, his legs stretched out and crossed by the ankles in front of him and he was holding a glass of what she assumed was whiskey. He was entirely focused on the crackling embers of the fire and even from where she was standing, she noticed the same faraway look on his face that she saw earlier. Clearly there was something on his mind and she wanted to find out what he was thinking.

She approached him slowly and he finally noticed her presence, looking away from the soft glow of the flames and up her, giving her a soft smile when he saw her face. The smile was soft but there was still something heavy behind it. She returned a smile back before she sat down on the couch behind him. She brought her leg over so he was sitting in between her legs and she bent down, enveloping him in her arms, her head going around his neck to look at him from the side. He turned his head slightly to the side to meet her eyes before leaning in to kiss her.

"You're awake," Jay said.

"It got too cold," Erin replied, nuzzling the crevice of his neck. "I missed you and your body heat." She laid a kiss on his skin.

"Ah, so you just want to use me for my body," Jay returned, trying to make a joke but Erin could tell it was half-hearted at best, almost like he only said it because he thought he was expected to. She held the bottom of his face and turned his head slightly so she could look into his eyes, still seeing the remnant of the distant look in his eyes from earlier. The pretense of a smile on his face dropped when he noticed her studying his face and he tried his head away from her grasp but she wouldn't let go.

"Are you okay?" she asked him, searching for an answer on his face about why she had noticed him being distant the whole day, like he was distracted or had something weighing on his mind. She tried to chalk it up to Will getting married—the younger brother getting married before the older one—but she knew Jay wasn't like that, he wasn't petty. Of course, he had tried to hide the look throughout the day, looking happy enough on the surface but whenever he thought no one was looking, that look returned to his face.

"Yeah, I'm fine." He tried to give her a reassuring smile but she wasn't buying it. He sighed, knowing that she saw right through his attempt. "Really, I'm okay."

She kissed his cheek, resting her lips on the smooth skin for a second. "I noticed you being a little off the whole day and I didn't want to bring it up earlier when Will and Natalie were here. But it's just the two of us now, whatever is going through your head, I want to know." She sought out answer, her fingers trailing soft patterns on his collarbone, trying to get him to relax enough to let his guards down and coax answers out of him. "It's me, Jay," she continued, her lips still on his face. "You can tell me anything."

He turned his head away from her so he couldn't look at her, Erin growing slightly more anxious at him pulling away. But he didn't go far, still remaining in her embrace as she still held him in her arms from behind. She felt him gulp, like he was bracing himself to say whatever he was about to. "Did you know that I was going to propose to you?" Erin let out a small gasp at that, snapping her head back so she could get a wider view of him but he was still avoiding her eyes, almost as if it was easier for him to say whatever he had to say if he wasn't looking at her.

"No, I didn't," her voice rough at finding this out. She really had no idea. Did he mean he was going to propose before two years ago when they were together? Or now when they reconciled? She was certainly surprised. "When?" There was a part of her that wasn't even sure if she wanted to know. To find out that she could've been engaged to him years ago but she had thrown it—and him—away.

"Um, it was when…" he cleared his throat, getting rid of some of the roughness that had built up at recalling the memories. "It was when we were apart and you were up at the review board and the whole Bunny thing. Before my mom died, she told both me and Will to whoever find the right girl first should propose with her ring. I knew I had the right girl so I asked Will to get the ring out of the deposit box so I could ask you to marry me."

She parted her mouth, both surprised and heartbroken at Jay's revelation. He was going to propose? They weren't even together then and she was doing everything she could back then to get over him and not feel her heart break every time she looked over at his desk and saw his face. "I had no idea."

He let out an empty laugh, "Yeah." He was breathing heavily and Erin knew he was having a hard time rehashing the painful memories. But she needed more clarification, he had essentially just dropped this bomb on her and she was left reeling from it. But before she can ask him, he continued. "I had the ring in my pocket the whole day, just waiting for the right time to ask you—to give us another chance and spend the rest of your life with me. I almost did it when I saw you outside of the station but you left before I could." She recalled the moment he was talking about, she remembered just telling him what she had found out about Bunny and walking away because it was too hard to be in close proximity with him and not touch him or fall apart in his arms. "Then I thought Molly's that night was the perfect time. I can just take you aside and explain to you just how much I fucked up by walking out and how much I wanted to come home. That I never stopped loving you even for a second. That somehow I loved you even more because I hurt you by leaving but you were still there for me. I waited and waited but you didn't show. I called and called but you didn't pick up." She rested her head on his shoulder, hiding her face, hating herself for how she acted that night. She remembered standing by the bridge, Voight's tag in one hand and her phone in the other—Jay's name flashing across the screen—and ignoring his calls, convincing herself that it was easier for her to just walk away. She wasn't thinking of him that night, of how he would feel to find her just gone.

"I'm sorry." That was all she could tell him. She couldn't go back in time, no matter how much she wanted to and do anything else but just leave him hanging. "I'm so sorry."

He shook his head, finally turning his body around so he could face her. "Don't apologize. It's not your fault." He reached up to cup her face, giving her a small smile—even though all she saw in them were residual hurt and sadness of when they had fallen apart. "You did what you had to do. I understand that now."

"Doesn't mean I didn't hurt you." She brought her hand around his face, holding him so tenderly in her palm, almost as if he was a glass doll and she was trying to keep him from shattering in her hand. "The ring. It was your mom's ring?" He nodded. "That's the ring that Will proposed to Natalie with, isn't it? The one that I saw on her finger." She didn't need him to answer. Now she understood why he reacted the way he did when she first returned and gushed over Natalie's ring. Why he looked like he had been shot and why he needed to walk away immediately. "I'm sorry." She was repeating herself, she knew, but she didn't know what else to say.

He skimmed her lips, stopping her from apologizing again with a shake of his head. "It's not your fault." He swallowed, his adam's apple bobbing at the action. "Will asked me for permission to use the ring. He said that he knows that it was meant to be on your finger but since we weren't together anymore, he'd like to give it to Natalie. I couldn't refuse him." He looked down at the floor, avoiding her eyes. "I didn't know if you were coming back or if I'd get another chance to ask you to marry me. So I gave him the ring. I thought I was fine with it and that I made my peace with knowing that I'd never be able to put the ring on your finger but when you came back and you were telling Natalie just how beautiful the ring was, I just broke. Because I wasn't over you. I'd never be able to get over you."

She took a chance and leaned into kiss him, wanting to take away some of the sadness and hurt that were written so clearly across his face, across his body. He returned the kiss, their lips connecting in the gesture of love. She pulled away and gazed into his eyes and licked her lips. "I love the ring. It is beautiful and the thought of wearing your mom's ring, I would've been so honored and touch." She brought an arm around his neck and the other under his face so he was looking at her. "But I'm glad that you didn't propose." A storm formed in his eyes at her words but she was quick to temper it. "Jay, both of us, we were a mess back then. I wasn't in the right headspace and neither were you. You proposing? It would've been just a bandage for the problems we were going through. It wasn't the right time."

He just nodded, trying to avoid her eyes but she wouldn't let him. She had more to say to him and it was time that they laid all the cards on the table, to tell each other what they want in the future and finally lay the past to rest, forever. "But it doesn't mean I didn't want to marry you." He snapped his head up at that, confusion in his eyes. She broke the hold she had on him and stood up, his eyes watching her every move. She bent down and straddled him as he sat on the ground, her arms coming around his neck so they were face to face with each other. "Or that I don't want to marry you," she confessed, seeing his eyes widened at her confession.

"What?"

She laced her fingers at the back of his neck, leaning into his face so close that she could feel the sharp intakes of his breath, his chest rising up and down at what she said. "I love you Jay." She kissed his nose. "I loved you then." She kissed his chin and he gripped her hips, finger splaying against her skin. "I love you now." She leaned in to kiss his lips but paused before their lips touched. "And I want to spend the rest of my life with you." He inhaled sharply and before he could exhale, she met his lips, taking his breath away. One of his hand came to rest on the back of her neck, pulling her closer to him as their lips moved in perfect sync. And she couldn't get enough of him and the taste of his lips and the life she got from his kisses. She moaned hungrily when his tongue entered her mouth, hungry and consuming, as his hands explored all over her clothed body, in search for a patch of bare skin that he could set on fire.

"Wait, wait," he pulled away suddenly but reluctantly, still breathing like he couldn't get enough air. "Repeat that last part. For me." He looked like he was waiting with bated breath for her to repeat her words so she tightened her hold around his neck and brought him even closer to her.

"I want to spend the rest of my life with you," she whispered, lips ghosting over his but not meeting just yet. "I want to marry you Jay Halstead." He was looking at her like she had just told him that she solved world peace, nothing but complete love and awe in his eyes. She giggled, feeling the same type of giddiness that had taken over his face at her confession.

"Really?" he asked, as if he still couldn't believe it. She wasn't sure why, there was nothing she wanted to do than spend the rest of her life next to this man, loving him and cherishing him. She just nodded and was about to repeat the words again and again until there was no doubts between them when his lips suddenly crashed onto her. She gripped his shoulders when she was taken by surprise but she quickly recovered and met the fervor of his kiss. There was a sound from the back of his throat, a mix of a moan and a growl, and pure pleasure shot through Erin's stomach. "I don't have a ring," he whispered after he finally managed to pull himself away from her.

She chuckled, looking at his disheveled state. She was sure she looked equally undone but she didn't care. "I don't mean we need to get engaged right away Jay," she clarified and before his face could drop and he misunderstood her words, she quickly added, "there is zero doubt in my mind that we're going to end up together for the rest of our life. That one day in the future when we're both old and gray, we're going to be right back here at this cabin, retired and nothing holding us down and we'll have nothing but time to just love each other and spend our remaining days together." She caressed his face, fingers brushing over the freckles that dotted his beautiful face. "I don't need a ring right now. I don't even need a proposal right now. We will get engage when the right time comes and I can be patient because I already know how our story is going to end. We'll ride off into the sunset and live happily ever after." Erin was never the type to believe in fairytales or grew up dreaming about a Prince sweeping her off her feet. But she didn't need to because being with him right then and there, she already felt like she was living in fairytale of her own and her Prince had found her, ready to whisk her away to their happy ever after.

"One day," he voiced, sounding nothing but certain, "Because I see that future too for us and I can't wait." She smiled, matching the one on his face. They both leaned in at the same time, meeting in the middle for a kiss. The kiss grew passionate as Jay ran his finger underneath her shirt and caressed the soft skin of her back. She toyed with the hairs on the nape of his neck, one of her favorite way to get him going. He parted her lips expertly, his tongue exploring every inch of her mouth. She pushed against his shoulder, feeling complete bliss at the way he was kissing her. She sucked his tongue, causing him to moan and she smiled, loving the way he was reacting to her. She swirled her tongue against his and his hands around her back gripped tighter, pulling her into his chest.

"Make love to me Jay," she whispered. She needed him, she wanted to come undone under his touches and wanted to feel her body blazed up under his kisses.

"The doctor said," he began, hesitant, not wanting to hurt her. But she was quick to stop him, bringing her hand up to his mouth to quiet him.

"I don't care. I need you." She knew he wouldn't be able to refuse her and she was proven correct when he sealed his mouth over hers again. She smiled into the kiss, anticipation building in her stomach at what was to come. This had been building for a month now, both of them had been counting down impatiently so their bodies could express the ultimate language of love and trust.

Despite them not having made love to each other in a long time, the deliberate way Jay had undressed her completely had let her known that they were going to take this nice and slow. He laid tantalizing kisses on her neck, her collarbone before bringing the heated kisses over to her bare breasts, his tongue coming over them and she arched her back, gripping his shoulder when he began sucking on a nipple while his hand was playing with the other, making the nipple taut from pleasure. Even though she was loving the attention he was showing her chest, she needed his lips on hers again so she slid her hand around his neck and pulled his head up and crushed their lips together again. All the while, her hands were skimming across his stomach, hands going under the shirt to feel all the edges and ripples of the abs. She pulled his shirt off of his head and tossed it to the side, thinking it was only fair for him to be at least half naked when she was already completely bare under his ministration. He sent her a seductive look as his fingers reached down and slipped between her legs. She groaned, tossing her head back at the way his fingers were working her open, her breath becoming heavier with each passing second. She was completely lost in the raw sensation of not being touched for so long and soon enough she was gripping his shoulder as he worked to bring her over the edge for the first of many that night.

She tried to regain her breath but he didn't give her the chance to before his hands came around her back and lifted her before gently laying her on the floor, nothing but soft carpet under her skin and the fire beside them illuminating every inch of her body. But even the embers that crackled beside them was nothing compared to the fire she saw in his eyes, looking like he wanted to completely devour her and she was thoroughly ready for anything he wanted to do to her body.

He started by kissing every inch of her body, so slowly that it left her trembling. He kissed her thigh, goose bumps forming on the milky skin, and his breath ghosted right over her core. He looked up at her, meeting her eyes, smirking when he saw just how desperate she was for him. The smug bastard. But before she could voice her impatience, his tongue entered her, causing her to gasp out loud at the pleasure that coursed through her entire body at that. He lapped her fold and flicked his tongue over at her most sensitive spot that she gasped out loud, hands reaching down to grab his hairs. "Jay," she moaned, the pleasure almost being too much but needing more of it at the same time. He continued his mission—kissing, nibbling and diving deeper that it drove her absolutely crazy. She couldn't control her hips as they began trembling, bucking up to meet every movement of his mouth until she came apart, her body left trembling from pleasure.

He pulled himself up to her face, smirking and enjoying the reaction he had gotten from her before bending down to kiss her. She needed more of him and this time, she needed more than his tongue. She wanted to feel every inch of him as he entered her and fucked her senseless. So she reached her hands down to begin working on the zipper of his pants and tugged his pants down, Jay helping to unclothed himself. She wrapped her hand around his cock, tugging at the length, Jay getting harder by the second and he groaned his pleasure into her chest, burying his face in the slopes of her breasts. She wanted to return the favor, to bring him over the edge with her mouth just like he did for her and she began to move down but he stopped her, shaking his head.

"Tonight, it's all about you. I want to make you feel good," he said, hovering over her. "So tell me what you want."

"I need you in me right now," was her demand and he was ready to comply to her request. He brought her hands up over her head and he laced their fingers together, giving him full control over her. But there was no fear in her eyes, no hesitation, nothing but pure lust and anticipation, ready to feel all of him inside of her. He brought one of his hand down to his cock, guiding to her entrance and slowly, he entered her, making her lose her breath in pure bliss.

He stared at her again, holding her gaze before meeting her lips and slowly he began to move his hips. It was almost torturous at how slow he was moving at first like he wanted her to feel every inch of him as he moved in and out of her. She wrapped her legs around him, clutching his back to bringing him closer to her. Her gasps became louder as he fastened his speed, scratching his back in pleasure. He crushed their lips together again, unrestrained as their tongues moved wildly against each other and he brought her hands up again, their fingers laced together tightly as he drove into her again and again. She moaned into his mouth, feeling the pleasure mounting in her body with each feral snap of his hips. He was grunting over her now, half muttering just how much he loved her were flying out of his mouth. The way she was feeling right now, she felt her heart was about to explode as she hung on for the ride until they both arrived at the climax.

And with a couple of urgent kisses and a few more snaps of his hips, she had finally arrived at her destination and she fell over the edge, her body left quivering after reaching her peak. He was chasing his own release and a few second later, he released the most sinful guttural groan as he reached his climax, emptying himself inside of her, pulling her close to him as possible.

* * *

She had lost count of how many rounds they had gone tonight but it was as though they couldn't get enough of each other. Every kisses and every touches still set her body on fire and she was putty under his hands. She ran her finger through his hair gently as he laid his face on her chest, both needing to take a breath after the latest climax. He smiled at the soft actions and she kissed the top of his head. She just loved him so much that she wanted to tell him over and over again. So she did, there was nothing stopping her. Not even her life long fear of coming off vulnerable to other people was strong enough to stop the overflowing of love she felt for him.

"I love you too," he returned, tilting his head up and resting his chin on her chest to gaze up at her. "So much." She smiled, especially when she felt him growing to life again. It was crazy, how quickly he could recover, as if no matter how many times he has had her, it wasn't nearly enough. She felt the same so she brought him up over to her and flipped them around so now she was straddling him, his hands coming up to rest against her hips. She bent down to kiss his lips. "Now it's my turn to make you feel good," she whispered raspily and she began working to bringing him the ultimate pleasure and have him fall apart under her touch, the fire still burning strong in the background, not withering, just like their passion for each other.

* * *

Erin was almost sad that it was time to go back. The weekend had gone by quickly and it was Sunday morning now and it was time to head back. Her body was deliciously sore but she didn't regret anything, even if she'd be feeling it for the next couple of day. Last night had been amazing. Her and Jay have had great sex before, they have made love countless times but last night, there was something different. She didn't think sex with Jay could get better but last night proved her wrong.

She crossed her arms as she waited for him to bring their luggage out on the front porch of the cabin. Last night's snow storm had blanketed the entire area with fresh white snow and she couldn't help but think of the fresh snow as a complete blank slate. Much like the one she and Jay got last night after Jay had finally told her about his failed plan to propose to her with his mother's ring. It was as if the last piece of their past that was unknowingly hanging over them had finally fallen off, giving them a fresh new slate to start the rest of their lives together.

Now Jay knew that she wanted marriage in the future and she received the same assurance. It wasn't time for to be engaged just yet, she wanted to just enjoy the time with him as a couple before adding a ring and a wedding but there was a lightness in her heart at knowing that it would definitely happen in the near future. And as he came out and stood next to her, wrapping his arms around her from behind and laying a kiss on her cheek, she knew he was feeling the same lightness she was feeling too. She tilted her head to kiss him.

"Ready to go back home?" She nodded, closing her eyes when he kissed her forehead and her nose before meeting their lips again. The cabin had been nice—a nice escape from their everyday lives—but their future was waiting for them back in Chicago.

"Let's go home."

* * *

_I know a couple of you were wondering when Erin was finally going to find out about the ring. But I had been planning for her to find out like this, by Jay telling her and as a way of them finally putting everything about their past in the past and leaving no more secrets or baggage. I hope I did it justice. _

_Anyway, next they are finally going to return to work and that means new partnerships and new cases in Intelligence. As always, thank you to everyone that reviewed/favorited/followed the story. I love reading all your guys' thoughts, especially when they're detailed. Thank you guys, really. _


	31. Chapter 31

Chapter 31

It was finally the day Erin had been waiting for—the day when she was finally going back to work. It just so happened that work was now at Intelligence. She felt butterflies in her stomach as she sat in the passenger seat while Jay drove them to work. The good kind. The same ones that appeared when she and Jay were about to kiss each other for the first time in his apartment, and the same ones that made their presence known when she told Jay she loved him for the first time—even though she tried her hardest to made the moment as casual as could be. Jay probably noticed her antsy hands and feet because he reached over the center console to hold her hand, bringing the limb to his mouth so he can lay a kiss on it.

"Nervous?" She inhaled, sighing deeply, indicating her nerves. He chuckled, amused at her state. "Don't be. It's Intelligence. It's practically your second home."

"My second family." He nodded, agreeing. He was right. She had no reason to be nervous. This was her team, she knew these people inside and out and she loved them. And most importantly, she knew that they loved her back and was thrilled to have her back.

Jay parked their car in the lot and looked over at her, grinning. "Ready?"

"Let's do this!" She opened the car door to exit but paused when she noticed Jay's hesitancy to get out. "What?" By the apologetic look that was already on his face, Erin just knew that there was a surprise waiting for her up in the bullpen. "They're planning something for my first day, aren't they?" He had the decency to look sheepish, knowing that she had caught him.

"Don't be mad," he held up his hand, "But they really wanted to do a little something for your return. And they were so excited, I couldn't say no." She groaned, Jay being a softie as usual. He had already been back at work a week already so he had been included in their planning. "I told them to keep it small." The skeptical look remained on her face. "It's probably just donuts and coffee. I've convinced them to nix the balloons and they listened, I think." He reached for her hand again. "Hey, it's just because they love you and they're happy that you're back."

She pursed her lips together, giving in. "Yeah, I know." She was lucky that she had people that cared enough in her life. "Come on, the sooner we get up there, the sooner we can get the party started." She was about to exit but was suddenly pulled back and before she can voice her surprise, she was met with Jay's eager lips, pulling her into a kiss. She knew she should pull away, given that they were in the precinct parking lot already and there were several cops already milling around but as always, Jay's kisses always had a way of making her forget the time and place. Thankfully, the need for oxygen worked as a double duty, snapping her back to the present and she finally managed to pull herself away.

"Sorry," although he didn't look a bit sorry at all. "Just needed a kiss before we spend the next eight hours being 'professionals'. Come on."

* * *

She bounded up the steps to the 21st District, a extra pep in her steps. It wasn't her first time going up these steps yet now that she was officially back with Intelligence, it felt like she was finally coming home. Several of the patrol officers that were by the front desk greeted her, some expressing their relief that she was fine and other showing their excitement that she was back.

"Erin!" Platt called from her usual place, Erin approaching the Sergeant. "Welcome back."

"Thanks Serg," Erin felt Jay's presence behind her, him always preferring to keep some distance from Platt. No matter how much Erin had tried to convince Jay before that Platt was actually made out honey underneath all that vinegar exterior, Jay hadn't bought it, going as far as to claim that if he had a choice of a person to be stuck on a desert island with between Voight and Platt, he'd choose Voight.

"Chuckles," Platt's tone soured, the usual glower coming back on her face as she greeted Jay. Erin held in her amusement, knowing that Platt was really doing it more for fun than any actual dislike of Jay.

"_Detective _Chuckles," Jay corrected her from behind Erin. Platt murmured a few choice words under her breath. "Alright, this has been nice Serg but we really should get upstairs." He pointed his thumb over his shoulder to the Intelligence stairs. Erin gave Platt a wave before following Jay to the stairs. He stopped at the door, waiting for her instead of entering the code to open it. "You should do the honor," he said after seeing her inquisitive look. Her eyes softened, nodding, as she stepped into his space so she could enter the number, the door buzzing to open and letting them in. Their eyes met, both bright with happiness and excitement, as they bounded up the steps together.

* * *

"Hey hey! Look who's finally back!" Adam's voice was the first thing they heard even before they reached the top. He had been ready, waiting with open arms to engulf Erin in a 'welcome back' hug and from there, it had been a whirlwind of one hug after another while Jay stood a few feet away, arms crossed and amusement filling his whole body at watching Erin suffer through the brouhaha of her return.

"Thanks guys!" Erin spoke to the whole group, touched by their welcome, "You guys have no idea how happy I am to be back."

Jay had done a good job of keeping the celebration down, his assumption of it just being donuts and coffee being correct. Although it was a special kind of donut—Hailey taking charge of the food and bringing in her special Greek pastries. All Erin cared was that it was sweet, it was flaky and it was still warm and she polished two of them rather quickly, would've gone for thirds if Adam didn't beat her to it and had taken the last one.

"Um, who ate the last donut?" Kim asked, holding up the empty box. "That was saved for Voight." All fingers immediately pointed to Adam, who looked up startled, his mouth gaping open to show the evidence of the donut in his mouth. "Oh," Kim tossed him a dirty look. "You are in trouble. You can explain to Voight how you took his donut Adam."

Adam whined, "how was I supposed to know?" He held his arms out, protesting. "Quick, get rid of the box and Voight won't know."

"Voight won't know what?" Voight suddenly appeared at the top of the stairs. Adam, who was holding the box trying to get rid of the evidence, got so surprised by his sudden appearance that he started coughing, the last bit of the donut in his mouth choking him. Voight kept his eyes on Adam, whose face was now red both from fear and coughing.

"Nothing Serg," Adam managed to force out.

"Is that a donut box you're holding there Ruzek?" Adam's plan to get rid of the box had obviously failed and Voight walked over to Adam to grab the box, opening it up and finding it empty. "Huh? I guess there's none for me."

"Sorry Serg," Adam offered, sheepishly, the rest of the team looking on in amusement, holding their laughters inside at Adam's predicament. "I…I didn't know you wanted one. Didn't think you like sweets or ate donuts."

Voight tossed Adam an unimpressed look. "Are you calling me fat or something Ruzek?"

Adam gulped, immediately shaking his head. "No! I would never call you fat. Not that you're fat or anything. I mean you're not!" he began stammering. "You have a very nice body sir for a man of your age," he said, waving his hand around Voight. "Very hard and…..tight…and stout," he ended, puffing his chest to demonstrate his thoughts.

Voight arched his brows, scratching his nose with his finger. "Oh now you're calling me old?"

Adam was just speechless now, mouth opened but no words coming out. "Ummm…" he looked around at the rest of the group. "Oh come on, help me out here guys!" he begged and the look of fear and desperation of his face was the final straw that sent the whole group over the edge and they all started guffawing in laughter, taking the piss at Adam and his uncontrollable mouth. "I hate you guys!" Adam cussed, finally realizing that Voight was just fucking around with him.

"Next time Ruzek, make sure you always save the food for the boss. Got it?" Voight advised, patting Adam's back, who just nodded and replied 'got it' before tossing everyone around him a glare.

"Now that everyone is filled up on donut and coffee, let's get to work!" Voight ordered, standing at the front of the bullpen. "Obviously we have one more member to the team so I think it's a good time to switch up the partnerships, give everyone a chance to work with someone else." They all just nodded, expecting the changes with the return of Erin.

"Sounds good," Antonio yelled out from his desk.

"Antonio, you're with Halstead now." Antonio glanced over at Jay and gave him a nod. "Atwater you're with Upton. Lindsay and Burgess, you're together and that means," Voight glanced over at Olinsky and Adam.

"Yes!" Adam said, pumping his fist. "The dynamic duo is back together!" Olinsky shot Voight a dirty look. "Oh come on Al, don't look like that. You missed working with me. I know."

"Sure kid."

"Burgess, catch Lindsay up with the case. The rest of you, talk to your CI's and see if there's any update with the case. Let's get this thing closed already," Voight ordered before going back into his office.

* * *

Erin knocked on the door twice before opening it and walking in. Voight looked up from the file on his desk as she sat a cup of coffee down on his desk. "You didn't get any earlier."

He took a sip, giving her a tilt of the cup to say thanks. "Something else on your mind?"

Erin shrugged. "Nothing. Just had a little moment so I thought I'd come in and bring you coffee. And of course, tell you congratulations."

Voight frowned. "What? Don't tell me Halstead knocked you up and I'm going to be a grandfather again."

Erin scoffed, rolling her eyes. "No!" she immediately replied. "Ugh, please."

"What am I supposed to think?" Voight defended himself. "Halstead has had that stupid grin on his face the whole day and you come in and tell me congrats."

"No, I'm not pregnant Hank!" Erin stressed. "I mean congratulations for evolving." Voight looked more confused than insulted so she elaborated. "I remember when you had a problem with pairing up two female detectives and now look at you, pairing me up with Burgess. You've evolved! Congratulations."

Voight looked unamused at her teasing. "Burgess is a good detective and a great cop," he said, crossing his fingers and placing them on his desk. "You two are going to be good partners, I can tell. Besides it's not like I'm going to pair you back up with Halstead. Or Burgess with Ruzek." He shook his head. "I can't believe I have two in house relationships in my unit and I'm allowing it to happen."

Erin chuckled. "You've turned into a softie," she teased. "And I for one am glad."

"Uh," Voight grunted. "Same rules still apply as before. You and Halstead can be a couple in my unit, just don't let me see it or bring your problems into the bullpen." Erin rolled her eyes, nodding. She and Jay had always been uber professional when they were on the job even when they became a couple, so much so that for the longest time most of the district had no idea that they were even together. At least not until a few different patrol officers had tried to ask either her or Jay out and had been shot down. And of course, there had been that one patrol officer in particular that had a hard time taking 'no' for an answer. That patrol officer had learned his lesson though to not mess with Erin or harass her because he was quickly met with Jay's ire and the strength of Jay's fists and the rage behind it. From then on, news had spread quickly that Jay and Erin were partners—both on and off the job and to not mess with Erin unless one had a death wish and wanted to deal with both Voight and Jay.

* * *

Before Erin knew it, the week had gone by quickly and her first official week back in Intelligence was in the books. To commemorate her first week back, the team had decided to gather at Molly's, all drinks on Erin. Erin was all too happy to pay, being in a good mood after a good week back. Kim had been a great partner and if Erin couldn't be partnered up with Jay, she was glad that it was Kim. And they were having a blast together. The fact that they were both women had got most of the criminals they dealt with underestimating them and she and Kim had been taking advantage of it—lulling the bad guys into a false sense of security, letting them think that they could get one over on the two women just because of their gender before showing them just why they didn't want to mess with the two detectives. It was quickly becoming one of their favorite things.

Plus the week just seemed to have gone by faster compared to her old position at SVU. Erin loved what she did over at SVU and the women and the children she helped. But she had to admit that dealing with heavy cases that involved battered women, tender aged children and just vulnerable people often took heavy toll on her, especially because of her empathetic nature. But she could deal with gang members taking each other out or grown men and women putting themselves in terrible positions. She still wanted to bring justice to the victims, she just didn't want to lose a part of herself with every case like she had before.

"A toast," Antonio began, holding up a bottle of beer. "To old family returning and completing the family and to new partnerships. Salute!" They all joined in, cheering to Antonio's toast. Erin was happy that Voight had paired Jay up with Antonio. She trusted everyone on her team but she knew how close Jay and Antonio were and how Jay saw the older man like a brother, often going to him for advice. She knew Jay would be in safe hands with Antonio watching his back. If Erin couldn't be the one that could watch his back, she was glad it was Antonio.

"Speaking of partnerships, do you think Voight was being obvious enough that he did not want to pair you two," Kevin pointed at Jay and Erin, "or you two," he continued, pointing at Adam and Kim, "together?"

Jay laughed. "All I'm saying is that for a guy that hates in-house relationship, he seems to like pairing people together." Erin looked at Jay, confused. "I mean he is the one who made us partners," Jay said, looking at Erin to explain, a soft look appearing on his face. "And Kev, you and Upton should totally hook up and drive Voight crazy," Jay suggested, laughing.

"Oh I think Voight's head will explode if there is a third in-house relationship," Olinsky voiced.

"And uh no offense Hailey but you're not really my type," Kevin said, teasing. Hailey rolled her eyes, smacking Kevin in the chest.

"Trust me Kev, you're not the one I have my eyes on either," Hailey shot back, catching Erin's knowing eyes. She looked worried for a second as if Erin would say something but Erin kept quiet, just holding up her beer to give Hailey a toast and a smile, letting her know that her secret was safe with her.

* * *

"Erin!" Erin paused on her way to the bathroom and turned to find Hailey running up next to her. "I'll join you." Erin nodded, opening the door to the bathroom and both of them entering. After doing her business and coming out to wash her hands, Erin found Hailey waiting for her by the sink, wringing her hands together, looking like she wanted to say something to Erin.

"You okay?" Erin asked, wondering what the detective had on her mind.

"I just wanted to say thank you for not telling everyone at the table," Hailey began. Erin turned off the faucet after washing her hands and grabbed a few paper towels to dry off. "You know."

Erin nodded. "Of course," she replied. "It's really not my place to tell."

"It's just that..this thing with Mike is so new and we're long distance and everything. I just…I'm just not ready to let everyone know just yet. And I know he told you about us." Erin held Hailey's hand, stopping her from rambling and giving her a reassuring smile.

"Hey, don't worry. I won't say tell anyone that you and Mike are dating," she promised. Dodds had called Erin a couple of weeks ago and had looped her in on what had been going on between her old partner and Hailey. Apparently the two had hit it off while working the case and they had been tentatively trying things out long-distance. Erin was happy for Dodds, knowing that this was the first time he had dated since he and his fiancé broke up and he was finally moving on. And while she didn't know Hailey that well, she had heard enough good things about her to know that she was a solid choice for Mike. She was happy for both of them. "Mike's a really good guy and I'm really happy for you both."

"Thank you," Hailey replied, smiling. "I know we're not really close and all but I'm hoping that that can change now that you're back."

Erin returned a genuine smile. "Me too."

"Hey guys!" Kim poked her head in, interrupting the moment between Erin and Hailey. "We got to go. We caught a body."

* * *

"What do we have here?" Voight questioned the patrol officer on duty, the dead body lying on the ground covered by a tarp.

"Male, white, early 20's, shot three times in the chest." Erin bent down to get a closer look at the victim, the dead man's eyes opened and looking up at the night sky, lifeless.

"Any witnesses?" Jay questioned, his notepad in his hands. The patrol office pointed to a young man a few feet away, dazed and scared.

"He was next to the victim when he got hit. He's fine, came out unscathed but scared out of his mind." Jay nodded, he and Erin approaching the friend.

"Hey, I'm Detective Halstead and this is Detective Lindsay. We heard that you saw the whole thing and was here when it happened. Do you mind if we ask you a few questions?" The young man was shaking but he managed to look at them and nodded. "What's your name?"

"Michael."

"Michael what?" Erin questioned.

"Michael Brett. My dad…..I need my dad here," Michael stuttered. "He's always told me to call him before I talk to anyone. I need him."

"Okay," Erin said as calmly as she could, trying not to agitate the witness further. "What's your dad's name? We can call him and get him here."

"Brett. Um his name is Steven Brett."

"The Councilman?" Jay asked, his brows narrowing. Michael nodded. Jay exchanged a look with Erin, both of them knowing that things could get more complicated if a son of a Councilman was involved. "Alright, let's get him here."

* * *

"Victim's name is David Fizdale, 22 and he was childhood friends with Michael Brett," Erin began, pasting the pictures of both David and Michael on the whiteboard. "They were out strolling along the river when according to Michael, a car drove up and shot David before driving off. Michael wasn't hit and he said the guys that shot David were wearing red and black."

"G Park Lord's colors," Jay added. "What G Park Lords were doing in Downtown or why they targeted a white kid with no connections to any rival gangs, that's still unknown."

"It's strange isn't it?" Olinsky voiced, studying the board. "Both David and Michael were standing next to each other but only David was hit. Michael wasn't hit even once while his friend got shot three times?"

"It was a targeted hit and the target was David," Kim concluded. "They were specifically after David."

"Alright, dig into this David and see why a gang would target him. Talk to your CI's, pull footage from the pods to see who was in the car and match it to the gang database. I want names of who was the trigger man. We find him, we find out the why," Voight ordered, the team nodding. "Now this Michael kid, he's a Councilman's kid?"

"Yeah," Erin replied. "His dad, Steven Brett, he's running for Mayor of Chicago."

"Where's Michael?"

"He's here in the interrogation room," Jay sat on the edge of his desk, his leg parted. "He's still a bit frazzled by the events but he wants to talk, help find out who did this to his friend. But the problem is his dad."

Speak of the devil and he shall appear. That was the case because as soon as Jay started to explain about Michael's father, Steve Brett barged upstairs. "Where's my son?!" he barked.

Voight stood tall, blocking Steven and stared him down. "He's in one of our interrogating room. He's calming himself down."

"You have him in an interrogation room?!" Steven shouted. "He's not on trial here. He's coming home with me!"

"I can't let him go yet," Voight returned, trying to steady his voice and not let anger seep in. "He's our primary witness to the crime. His friend was shot several times and killed right next to him and your son saw who the people that shot him were. He wants to cooperate."

"My son is the victim here. He's not on trial."

"Who said he is?" Voight shot back. "His friend was killed, your son could've died tonight but was lucky. As a father, you should be wanting to find out who was responsible for it. And your son can make that happen. If his life is really in danger, whoever shot his friend isn't going to stop and Michael might not be so lucky next time to come out unscathed. So the quicker we find the shooter, the safer your son would be." Voight explained, trying to make Brett see that this was the best option for Michael but the Councilman wasn't having it.

"He's leaving with me or I swear to god, I will call my lawyer and he will get him out." Voight shook his head, knowing that there was nothing that he could do to hold Michael so he gestured to Kevin to lead Brett to his son and to let Michael leave. The Councilman shot everyone a dirty look before following Kevin.

"You'd think that he'd want to find who did this to his son," Erin said, crossing her arms.

"Alright thanks," Antonio hung up his phone and turned to the group. "One of my CI's said that a group of G Park Lords members came into his business and paid upfront of a large supply of kush, all cash."

"Sounds like somebody came into some money," Jay remarked. "Payment for a hit?"

"Sounds like it," Antonio replied.

"Alright, you and Halstead, hit it." Jay grabbed his coat and stood up. Erin shot him a look, telling him to be careful with her eyes, Jay giving her a small grin and a nod before he and Antonio left the bullpen to follow the lead.

* * *

"Chicago P.D!" Jay shouted before Kevin rammed the door down, the gang members inside immediately scrambling at the sudden presence of police. Erin jammed the butt of her gun at a gang member that charged towards her, the man immediately recoiling in pain before Erin apprehended him and shoved him against the wall.

"Stand down!" she ordered, twisting his arms behind his back and putting the cuffs on him, despite the man's best efforts to get away. Voight stalked over to her and studied the man in custody, grabbing the man by his jaws.

"You Bender?" the gang member didn't reply, just squeezing his mouth shut. Voight tightened his grip on his jaw, the man shouting out in pain. "I'll ask again, you Bender?" Bender finally nodded, grunting. "Get him up!" Voight ordered Jay and Kevin who were standing next to him. "Bring him back to the Cage."

* * *

Bender sat in the cage, hands locked and eyes glaring at Jay who stood watching guard. Voight came down the stairs and unlocked the cage, entering it, his ominous presence striking a hint of fear in the gang member's eyes.

"One chance for you here Bender," Voight started, pointing his finger. "You tell me who ordered the hit on David Fizdale and I'll make sure all the charges go to one of your boys and you walk away a free man." Bender just kept looking, mouth shut. "One chance!" Voight repeated. "And that offer goes away in 5…4…3….2…" Voight counted down, slowly backing away from the cage. Jay crossed his arms and stood watch, wondering if Bender would call Voight's bluff or take the offer.

"Alright!" Bender shouted, Voight stopping to turn back. "I'll tell you but you better keep up the end of your deal man."

Voight grunted. "I need a name. Who ordered the hit?"

Bender cussed to himself, like he was almost sorry for throwing members of his gang under the bus. But apparently not sorry enough to take the fall himself because he started singing like a canary. "A dude, a white dude, named Joe brought $75K all cash in a suitcase, told us that he wanted us to hit this kid and only that kid. Didn't say why or anything. Just dropped the cash and the instructions and left."

"Joe what? I need more than a fucking 'Joe'."

Bender shrugged. "I don't know!" he cried. "I don't know his fucking last name. We ain't boys or anything."

Voight pursed his lips, his tongue stuck to the side of his mouth. "Unless you can tell me something more useful, the deal's off." Bender grunted, protesting. "How did this Joe look like?"

"I don't know! He was just this white boy, um.." Bender tried thinking more details. "Oh yeah, he usually comes by and buy dope every week, just rolled through on his car. But he only stopped this one time to order the hit."

"Anything distinguishing about this Joe?" Jay asked from his spot. "Any scars, piercings, tattoos?"

Bender's eyes lit up. "Yeah yeah, he had this face tattoo, you know real stupid white boy shit."

"What does the tattoo say?"

"Misunderstood."

* * *

"Joe Simmons." Erin pasted the picture of the guy—the tattoo visible in his mug shot—on the whiteboard. "28's, repeat offender, in and out of jail for possession."

"Possession, holding," Kevin read off the file. "These are all minor offenses. He's an addict, that's for sure. But the leap from an addict to ordering a hit?"

"What's the connection between this Joe and our victim?" Olinsky asked, his feet crossed on his desk. "Is there even any?"

Jay scratched his nose, standing up with the file in his hand. "Not one that we can find. They ran in very different circles. Grew up in different parts of towns, according to our records, didn't even cross paths even once."

"So no motive." Adam sighed, rubbing his face.

"Where is this Joe Simmons?" Voight asked, tapping the whiteboard. "Let's bring him in and make him talk."

"He has a part-time job at the 7/11 on Wabash. We had a patrol roll by to see if he was on shift and according to the manager, his shift starts in an hour." Erin replied.

"Alright, what are we waiting for? Go get the bastard!"

* * *

"Chicago P.D," Antonio held up his badge, he and Jay entering the small 7/11. "Where's Joe Simmons?" The owner pointed to the back of the store and Antonio signaled Jay with his finger the location, the two carefully began to make their way to the back. Jay held his gun in his hands, eyes focused on the small door for any sudden movement. "Joe Simmons!" Antonio called out as they reached the back. "Chicago P.D. Come out with your hands up!" No reply. "Come out right now before we drag you out!" He and Jay exchanged looks, getting ready to go in when the door burst open, the man they were looking for came running out, trying to make a run for it.

Jay was ready though, managing to reach Joe by his collar and dragged his back, shoving him against the wall. "Stop!" Jay roared, his hand gripping Joe. "You're under arrest!" The guy struggled for a bit but was clearly not a match for both Jay and Antonio and the two partners quickly got the guy in handcuffs. "Let's go!" Jay stated, shoving Joe to move and head to the car, ready to take him back to the precinct.

They were about to make it out the door when shots rang out, the windows of the convenience store shattering. Jay barely had time to crouch down and take cover, Antonio dropping next to him, hands over his head. The two crawled on the floor, trying to get behind the counter to take cover and fire back, the owner of the store crouching down behind it. "Stay down!" Jay ordered and he fired shots back outside the door. The car that was shooting at them started to roll away, Jay taking the opportunity to get up and run after the car, firing his gun. The car was peeling off the empty lot by the time Jay got outside, Jay still firing his gun. A bullet managed to make contact with a rear wheel, the car spinning out of control at the sudden loss of a wheel before skidding and crashing against a telephone pole.

"Squad, this is George 50-21. We have shots fired at Wabash and Huron. Send backup and roll a bus!" Jay barked into his radio, running over to the car to see the offender inside. The backup squad car rolled up immediately to back up Jay. Jay shook his head, seeing the red and black clothing of G Park Lords inside the car, a retaliation hit on Joe for ordering the hit and getting their members in trouble. "You guys got this?" The backup patrol officers nodded and Jay ran back to the store. "Antonio!"

"Here!" Antonio replied, Jay quickly running over his partner who was on the floor, trying to stave off the bleeding from Joe's chest, the man coughing up blood. "He needs a bus!"

"Ambo's on its way!" Jay replied. "Joe! We need the answer from you! Why did you order the hit on David?" The man didn't reply, blood continuing to sputter from his mouth. Jay tried again, knowing that Joe likely wasn't going to make it and they needed the answers. "Joe! Who told you to order the hit? Because we know it wasn't you. The worst thing on your rap sheet was possession for some weed, not murder. So we know someone put you up to this. Just tell us who?"

"Jojo…"Joe stuttered between coughs. "Flesh…nightclub." The paramedics arrived then, pushing Jay and Antonio out of the way so they could save his life before he bled out to death. The two detectives moved out of the way, exchanging looks with each other.

* * *

Jay splashed water on his face a couple of times, letting the cold sensation take over and calm him down. He ran his fingers through his hair, wetting the strands before turning off the facuet and clenching the sink with his fingers, head bent down. He just needed to catch his breath. It was always a harrowing experience to get ambush and despite the fact that he and Antonio got out unscathed, his heart was still racing with adrenaline from the close call. He clenched his eyes closed, taking in deep breaths, lost in his own thoughts that he didn't notice a new presence behind him. A soft touch on his back startled him and he snapped his head up, meeting Erin's gaze in the mirror. He immediately calmed, seeing her face and he let out a sigh.

"You okay?" Erin asked, her voice soft much like the touch that remained on his back, running up and down in a gentle and soothing motion. He nodded, trying to reassure her that he was fine. He saw in her eyes that she needed more so he turned his body around and brought her to his arms, inhaling the comforting scent that he loved so much. He buried his face in her hair and he wasn't sure if the embrace was more for her comfort or his. But he needed her and she was here, like always. Her hands were still running up and down his back, trying to quell the last remaining jitters from the close call of the day. "You did good."

He smiled, a hesitant smile, but it was the only one he could manage in that moment. She brought her hand up and rubbed it over his face, trailing over the skin. When her fingers neared his lips, he leaned over to kiss them. "I'm okay Erin," he reassured her again, thinking she needed actual verbal acknowledgement that he was fine. She nodded, her hands resting on his shoulder, squeezing it as to make sure he was really there before guiding him out of the locker room with a soft 'let's go.'

* * *

"According to Joe, he met this Jojo at Flesh."

"That's that nightclub over in South Loop right?" Kevin nodded, answering Adam's question.

"Does this Jojo have a last name?"

Antonio shook his head. "That was all he managed to give before the medics took him. He's undergoing surgery right now and won't be able to talk until tomorrow."

"So what are we thinking here?" Erin asked, crossing her arms. "Gather intel at Flesh? Dig around a little bit?"

Voight rubbed his nose with his finger, thinking over what to do. "Alright, Lindsay and Burgess go get changed and hit this Flesh," Voight said, grimacing at the name of the club. "See if we can find this Jojo there and bring her in when we do."

"Um Serg," Kevin spoke up, raising his finger. "If I can suggest something, I think it should be Ruzek and Halstead hitting the club." The team looked at him strangely. "I mean Jojo might be more open to their advances than Burgess and Lindsay. Sorry girls," he winked, looking at the two women. Erin shrugged, ready to hang back. The fewer times she had to wear a dress, the better. Let Jay and Adam doll themselves up for a change. "Trust me Serg." Voight nodded, accepting Kevin's advice and pointed at Jay and Ruzek to get ready.

* * *

"Don't you look hot?" Erin purred as she watched Jay put on his black blazer, his hair gelled neatly and pushed back, letting more of his handsome face show. There was pure lust in her eyes when she approached him, her insides heating up at seeing her hot boyfriend get dressed up for the undercover stint. He gave her a smirk, enjoying her heated gaze and easily took her in his arms, her hands wrapping around him, his hard body pressed up against her. He leaned down to kiss her, but not before his eyes darting around to make sure they were truly alone. They certainly didn't need anyone from their team—or worse, Voight—to catch them in a compromising position.

"I always look hot babe," he mewled, pecking her nose when she wrinkled it at his not-so-humble brag. He chuckled, his chest rumbling with laughter as she placed her hand on it.

"Be careful alright?" she told him, her eyes turning serious suddenly. He nodded, promising her with a kiss rather than words. "Bring that sexy ass back to me." She tossed him a sexy little smirk over her shoulder as she left his side, walking out of the locker room.

* * *

Jay and Adam entered the nightclub, trying to maneuver their way around the bodies that were dancing and milling around inside. "Busy night," Adam remarked, as he managed to duck out of the way from a group of guys. Jay arched his brows, agreeing. Jay glanced around the club and studied the clientele.

"There are sure a lot of guys here tonight," he commented, noticing the several different group of guys gathered around. There were a few group of girls standing around but it was mostly men in the club.

"Lots of horny guys in Chicago, looking to get laid," Adam patted Jay's shoulders and the two headed to the bar. "2 beer." The bartender gave them a strange look before placing two bottles of beer on the bar. Jay grabbed one and took a sip, his head turning around to find this Jojo. The faster they found her, the faster they could get out of here and he had a few things on his mind he wanted to do with Erin tonight, her short appearance in the locker room had given him a few ideas of what he wanted to do with her tonight. "Hey," Adam got the bartender's attention again. "You know a woman named Jojo?" The bartender gave them a blank look. "Jojo? She should be a regular here, I think?"

The bartender smirked. "This is your guys' first time here huh?" Jay and Adam exchanged a look before nodding. "Oh man," the bartender sounded amused, the smirk still on his face. "Good luck fellas," he said before walking away to tend to other patrons at the bar.

"What the hell did he mean by that?" Adam questioned but before Jay could answer, he felt a hand on his shoulder and a husky 'hey there' behind him. His eyes widened in shock because that hand whose fingers were trailing up to his neck felt too callous and the voice too deep to be a woman's. Jay turned around slowly, afraid of who was hitting on him and sure enough, a man in his 30's stood, smirking at Jay.

"Um…" Jay didn't know what to say, never having been in this position before. "Hi?"

"You are so sexy," the man continued, pretty much undressing Jay with his eyes. "Can I buy you a drink?"

Jay couldn't reply with words, still in shock, so he just held up his beer. Indicating that he already had a drink. That didn't deter the man though, getting even closer to Jay's space and dropped his voice even more, "then let's get out of here?" Jay almost choked on his beer at the invitation, coughing several times.

"Uh no..thanks?" Jay was still in shock. "I can't."

"Oh, he's your man?" the guy gestured over to Adam who was just grinning watching Jay flounder through the interaction but when the attention fell on him, his eyes widened. Adam quickly recovered though and he brought his arm around Jay's shoulder.

"He's taken," Adam said, giving the man a fake apologetic look. "He's mine." The guy looked disappointed at the notion that Jay wasn't available but he nodded all the same, looking sad as he walked away. Then all Jay and Adam could hear through their earpiece was poorly contained chortles coming through before everyone exploded in loud laughters, their guffaws loud and clear in their ears.

"Oh man, that was priceless," Kevin wheezed through the earpiece, still laughing. "Man I wish we got that on video tape." Jay cussed, hearing their glee loud and clear. Even Erin had betrayed him, judging by her deep laughs that rang through his ear piece, clearly entertained by Kevin's evil plot to put he and Ruzek in this position.

"Since when did Flesh become a gay club?" Adam wondered. Really, given that they were both cops, they should've noticed how the club was mostly men. Not to mention, the strange looks that the bartender gave them, clearly knowing that they were both fishes out of water.

"Six months ago," Kevin replied, clearly knowing the change the club had undergone hence his genius idea to put Jay and Adam on the mission instead of Erin and Kim. "Told you that you two would have a better shot than Burgess and Lindsay."

"I'm gonna get you back," Jay warned through the mic, speaking under his breath to not make it obvious. "Just wait Atwater."

"Alright," Erin interrupted, still recovering from laughing. "You two are already there so just stay and try to get the intel we need. Work the room with your sexy selves," she teased, Jay biting his lips at the suggestion. Oh, he was going to get Erin back for that too.

"What do you say darling? Should we get our flirt on a bit?" Adam asked, gesturing that he was all for it if Jay was. Jay sighed, standing up to take off his blazer and unbutton a few top buttons of his shirts. If he was here already, he might as well use what he got.

"Let's do this."

* * *

All it took was a few flirting winks and a few innuendos thrown a couple of guys' ways and Jay and Adam exited the club with all the intel they were going to get. Their team that consisted of Kevin, Erin and Kim were waiting for them in the van and as soon as they stepped into the large vehicle, the laughters started again.

"Man," Kevin could barely contained himself, holding in his stomach. "You two…you guys make a cute couple." Jay and Adam didn't look pleased, each shuddering at the thought of dating each other.

"Yeah, should me and Kim find new boyfriends or something?" Erin snarked, wiggling her eyebrows at seeing Jay's glare. She gave him a smile, trying to soften him already.

"Please," Jay stated. "If I'm going to date a guy, Adam would be the last man I'd go for."

"Hey!" Adam shouted indignant, Kim sending Jay a glare too at insulting her boyfriend. "I'm a freaking catch! Just ask that blond guy in there that couldn't keep his eyes off of me!"

"Alright, you all had your fun. Let's just get back to the station!" Jay directed, unable to keep a smile off his face.

* * *

"We canvassed the whole club and talked to the regulars that go there and only a couple of people know of this Jojo," Jay started, having changed back into his usual Henley and jeans.

"Jojo is a man by the way," Adam interrupted. "Not a woman but a man. A lovely fact that we didn't know until we found ourselves in a gay club, I might add." Looks of mirth were clear on everyone's faces, having been told what had happened tonight already by Kevin.

"One guy said that Jojo always wears a Cubs hat, keeps his head down and keep to himself. Rarely approaches anyone. Said to be in late 40's. According to the few that know him, they said it was pretty clear that Jojo was still in the closet and not out yet. He seemed hesistant and unsure about being there."

"But we did get confirmation that he and Joe met at the club there, the few that know of Jojo saw he and Joe talking a couple of weeks ago."

"So this Jojo was the one that ordered Joe to kill David," Erin voiced, trying to put the pieces together. "Why? Because David found out that Jojo was gay? Wanted to keep him quiet?"

"Seems like a plausible explanation to me," Jay agreed.

"Okay then comb through every aspect of David's life, see if there's any mention of this Jojo," Voight ordered.

* * *

Erin groaned as she and Jay entered their home, the tiredness from the day showing in her body already. She stretched her body before plopping herself down on the couch while Jay headed to the kitchen.

"You hungry?" he asked, his head in the fridge.

"Not really," she replied, resting her eyes for a bit before she felt a presence shadowing over her. She quirked an eye open and saw Jay standing, staring down at her. "Yes?" she asked, curiously. He bent down, arched a brow at her. "What?" she chuckled, wondering what he was planning. She just knew that he was plotting his revenge on her for the little stint they had pulled on him and Adam earlier. And judging by that hungry look in his eyes, she felt nothing but excitement and anticipation pooling in her stomach. She squealed when he scooped her up and carried her off, her arms going around his neck automatically.

He placed her down on the bed and started to undress himself, taking off his Henley before working on his jeans, Erin's eyes glazing over at seeing her man undress himself. She lifted her back off the bed and rested her weight on her elbows, eyes following his every deliberate movement. After he was in his boxer, he crawled over to the bed, approaching her like he was a predator and she was a willing prey. Her breath quickened as his body got near her, his fingers reaching out to trace over her curves. She closed her eyes in pleasure as she felt his fingers go underneath her shirt and knead the soft flesh of her stomach before the shirt was slowly pulled up and his hand ghosted over her breasts. She gasped softly when his mouth connected with her, his lips working their usual magic and she pulled him closer. He was teasing her all over now, pecks and kisses fluttered all over her body as his fingers slowly undress her little by little until they were both in the equal state of naked. She trembled when his finger played with her folds, her back arching up to get more pressure. She felt him move and anticipated his body on her, ready for the utmost pleasure that he always brought her, and she closed her eyes. She welcomed the weight, needed it actually but her eyes snapped opened when instead of feeling the heat of his body, she felt a cold breeze instead, Jay having got out of bed and headed over to the bathroom.

"Hey!" she whined, both confused and still wanting him desperate as she eyed his naked backside walk away from her. "What gives?!"

He shot her a smirk over his shoulder, shrugging. "I don't think we can do that," his eyebrow wiggled suggestively. "I wouldn't want to cheat on my boyfriend, Adam." He smirked before entering the bathroom and locking the door. She dropped back down on the bed, frustrated both sexually and physically.

"Well played, Halstead," she said into the night air of the empty room. "Well played."

* * *

The team spent the next day pouring over every social medias, every online account that David had, trying to find this Jojo. It had been hours and it was proving to be futile until a miracle occurred and Kevin had finally found what they'd been looking for.

"Look at this!" Kevin shouted, holding up screenshots of the several messages on a dating website. "Looks like David and this Jojo were in a relationship." Erin read over the messages, seeing the tender and loving messages between the two, mixed in with Jojo obviously struggling with his sexuality, afraid of coming out of the closet and the desperate need to keep it quiet.

"Looks like this Jojo was adamant on staying in the closet," Jay commented, shaking his head. "They were finally going to meet face to face." The messages had ended then, when the two had decided that they were getting tired of just talking online and would meet face to face. "We need to find out what happened after this. What happened to David's phone log?"

"We didn't find his phone when we found his body," Kim answered, "But we accessed the data using his number but nothing with Jojo came up."

"Wait…" Kevin voiced, not elaborating further and worked on his computer. The rest of the team looked at him, wondering what he was doing. "Alright, so remember that tech workshop I went to last month? At the workshop, we've learned about widening the nexus search to include all phones that got pinged at specific location. So I'm thinking that since this Jojo was still in the closet, maybe he and David communicated using a burner phone."

"And you can search for that burner by pinging David's home," Erin said, following Kevin's thought.

* * *

A few hours later, the team was left stunned by what they had found. Thousands of messages between David and this Jojo. Only this Jojo had turned out to be someone they all knew—Councilman Brett. Michael's father. Brett was having an affair with his son's friend—a male friend. The Councilman was gay and he was so ashamed of that fact that he was willing to kill his lover to keep it a secret.

"Steven Jordan Brett," Jay announced, dropping the file on the desk. A work up of the Councilman. "His middle name is Jordan."

"Jojo," Antonio added. "Looks like we found our man." Even though they had found the culprit and the person who had ordered the hit on David, it was a sad fact that a life was needlessly taken because a man was unable to accept who he truly was.

"Michael," Erin shook her head, sadly. "How is he going to handle this? His dad was having an affair with his friend and he had his friend killed."

They all sighed, sadly. "Alright, we got to do our job," Voight spoke up. "Let's go and bring this Brett in."

* * *

It didn't take much for Brett to break. If the messages between him and David hadn't been enough, seeing Michael's heartbroken face had caused the Councilman to break down and confessed to everything.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he sobbed, repeating the apology over and over again while he laid his head on the desk in the interrogation room. Erin stood next to Michael, ready to support him as he watched his father confessed to having a man killed.

"I can't believe he did this," Michael was in shock, like he couldn't believe his father was capable of something like this. Not that Erin could blame him, who could easily accept that their supposed upstanding and powerful father could be a murderer all because he wanted to keep his sexuality a secret. Shame was a destructive thing and it had ruined so many lives, the people involved in this case included.

"I'm sorry," was all Erin could offer, patting Michael's shoulder trying to comfort him. She shook her head and exited the observation room, only to come face to face with Mayor Brett, the father of Steven and Michael's grandfather. And judging by the disgust on the man's face, he clearly wasn't here for support for his grandson.

"I can't believe my son is a homosexual," the disgust was clear in his voice, the hatred practically pouring out of his body. "It's disgusting."

Erin narrowed her eyes. "That's all you can focus on right now? Your son is being charged for murder, your grandson lost his friend and is losing his father and you'd rather sprout hatred and intolerance?"

Mayor Brett shot Erin a dirty look. "He's not my son," he spat. "I don't have homos for offsprings." He tossed his grandson a disgusted look before walking off, leaving Erin stunned at the cold nature of the man. How could a father turn his back not only on his son but his grandson too? His grandson that had done nothing wrong and that needed the support of his family right now. It was disgusting to see and Erin was disgusted by that man.

"Come on," she called softly to Michael. "We'll get you home safely."

* * *

"I have disowned Steven as of today as I cannot in good conscious support this sinful act that is homosexuality. He is no longer my son, I am equally as disgusted as all of you at this revelation," Erin changed the channel, pissed off after watching Mayor Brett spew hateful sentiment at the press conference of his son's arrest and the news of him being gay.

"Ugh," she said disgusted. "He's an ass."

Jay hummed his agreement at that, totally agreeing with her. He had been equally as appalled to hear the reaction of the senior Brett who seemed more fixated on his son being gay than being a murderer. How did people like that exist, Jay had no clue.

"I got to give it to him though," Erin continued ranting, her pizza forgotten and getting cold as they sat on the couch at their home. "It take a special kind of hatred and intolerance to go on television and say how much you hate gay people in 2020."

"He's an intolerant prick," Jay added.

"I mean now we can understand why Steven Brett was the way he is," Erin said. "I mean not that it excuses him being a murderer and having David killed but you can understand why he hated his true self so much, hated himself so much and was so ashamed that he'd rather kill than to come out. It's sad."

"Yeah," Jay agreed. Erin was getting worked up just like she had been earlier. He had done his best to calm her down, despite fully sharing her anger at the situation and the attitude of the bigot Mayor. But she needed him to be the calm one at that moment so he pushed aside his anger and focused on her. It took some time and an offer of her favorite pizza and a night in on their couch before she managed to pull herself together. But seeing that press conference from Mayor Brett about how he had disowned his son and hated gay people had riled her up again, Erin ranting.

"How freaking horrible and I feel so bad for Michael. I even feel bad for freaking Steven," Erin continued to rant. "Imagine growing up with a father like that? Unable to be who you really are because you know your dad would hate you and unable to talk to your dad like that? It's sad. Ugh, I swear our children will never have to go through that, not if we have anything to say about it."

Jay paused mid-bite of his pizza, his mouth gaped opened at hearing Erin's rant. She said _our children_. He looked over at her to see if she had even noticed what she had said but she didn't, still rambling on. She paused, finally noticing his stare on her. "What?"

"You said our children," he breathed out, his face threatening to break out in a big grin. Erin finally noticed what she said and she blushed, her face turning red and Jay finding it all too adorable. "Our children," he repeated, like he couldn't believe it. He had been dreaming of Erin and him having a family of their own for ages now but he had always been afraid to voice it, afraid of scaring her and pushing her to run away. But it seemed as though she shared his sentiment and his desire for a family of their own also. He continued gazing at her, still holding the slice of pizza in the air. "Erin?"

She swallowed before schooling her expression into a casual one. "What?" she began, as if it wasn't a big deal what she just said. As if she didn't just fill Jay up with hope. As if she didn't just give him a glimpse into her thoughts and give him what he had been dreaming of for the longest time. "We're going to have kids eventually right?" She shrugged, trying to play it off but the blush on her face proved that it was anything but casual.

He finally regained his sense to drop the pizza down so he could reach out to her and turn her body around to face him again, fully this time. "Right," he said softly. "I just….I just didn't know that you wanted it to."

Her face softened at that. "Of course I want it too," she revealed, reaching out to hold his face. "A little boy or girl with a little bit of you and a little bit of me mixed in? How can I not want that?" The smile on his face was unlike any other, he was sure he had never felt his face split into this big of a smile before or felt this much happiness in his heart before. He kissed her hard, that happiness pouring out of his body, and he kissed her deeply, pulling her tightly until she was on him.

He pulled his lips away to look at her face, his eyes bright and happy and light, and he caressed her face before leaning into kiss her again and resting his forehead against her. "A mini Erin," he breathed out.

"OR a mini-Jay," her voice was just as soft as his, just as in awe, as she breathed against his face, voicing both of their dreams. "He's going to be so adorable, with his freckles, and your eyes," she said, her fingers running over those features.

"And she's going to be the most beautiful girl. The splitting image of her mom," he played with the strands of her hair. "she's going to have your dimples and your smile."

"And they'll be so loved," Erin continued. He nodded eagerly.

"No matter who they become," Jay agreed. "They'll be loved unconditionally." He lifted her head so he could look at her square in the eyes, her hazel eyes shining with happy tears. "Just like I love their mother."

The dimples that he loved so much made its way back to her face and she leaned in, resting their foreheads again. "Unconditionally."

That was the final words that was said—that needed to be said—as he gently lifted her and carried her off to their bedroom. After all, they needed all the practice they could get, didn't they?

* * *

_this chapter was basically a 10k+ worded way to say Erin wants to have Jay's babies. That's pretty much it._


	32. Chapter 32

Chapter 32

Without either Jay or Erin really noticing it, four months quickly flew by and winter turned into spring and spring gave way to the beginning of summer. Like the weather that was quickly heating up, Erin felt like the cases they were dealing with were getting more and more intense.

Like this current one.

"Five women!" Voight roared, slamming his palm on the whiteboard. "Five women dead and we still have no connections between any of them."

On the whiteboard were the faces of the five murdered victims— all white women, in their 20s and 30s, and all looking like they were the picture of suburbia. Only all of them were found slashed to death and dumped in dumpsters all around Chicago.

"Now these women all look like they belong in some kind of mommy group," Al remarked, studying the pictures. "There are no evidence of them at least knowing each other?"

Kevin shook his head. "No, I've scanned through all of their social medias and they weren't following each other, didn't follow the same pages. No indication that they knew each other."

"But Al, you're right about one thing. All of them were mothers," Erin added. "They all had kids."

"Husbands?"

"Some of them were married, yeah," Jay replied to Al's question. "Not all of them. Two were married and the other three were single mothers. Either divorced or a dad was never in the picture."

"The way their bodies were killed and discarded though, it's cruel. Almost like overkill." Erin remarked, her heart going out for all those poor women.

"But not all of them had signs of sexual assault right?"

"Right Serge," Kevin replied. "Although all of them were found with traces of semen."

"So what are we thinking here? They were working girls? Caught in a bad situation?"

"Okay, let's start with that theory. Go talk to your CIs, reach out to whoever is in the know, we're not stopping until we find a connection. Got it?" The team nodded.

* * *

"So Tara got the all clear from her doctors yesterday," Erin said happily, joining Jay in the break room. "She got the go ahead to start her physical therapy."

"That's good," Jay smiled, handing Erin the coffee he was preparing for her. She took a sip, closing her eyes at the taste. District coffee wasn't always the best but Jay always knew just the right amount of sugar and creamer to put to make it somewhat bearable. "When is she going to start?"

"Ewan said that he can be here as fast as tomorrow so tomorrow." Jay quirked his eyebrow at the mention of Ewan. "What?" Erin retorted, catching his look. She pressed her lips together, tilting her head. "What's that look for?"

Jay shrugged, focused on stirring his own cup of coffee. "I didn't say anything."

"Yeah but you gave me a look."

"What look?" Erin arched her brows, trying to imitate Jay's earlier look. "That's just how I look all the time!" Jay claimed. Erin stared him down. "Okay," Jay said, giving in. "I just think it's interesting that a doctor that's renowned like Ewan could just drop everything that easily."

"Well, he got Tara scheduled in for months. It was just a matter of when," Erin explained. She stepped closer to Jay. "And I thought you weren't jealous of Ewan anymore?" She had thought Jay had made his peace with Ewan and his unrequited feelings for her back in New York.

"I'm not jealous," Jay immediately denied. He bent his head down to meet Erin's eyes, a teasing smirk on his face. "I'm not. I trust you. Besides, I know I'm much better looking than him." He grinned.

"Yeah much better in bed too," Erin replied.

"Damn righ—- wait! What?" Erin smirked, getting Jay right where she wanted him. "What?" Erin just shrugged, decidedly mute, enjoying Jay being flustered. "Erin."

"What?" she replied, innocently. "I told you that you were better in bed. I thought you'd take that as a compliment." Jay narrowed his eyes, catching the teasing smirk on her lips.

"You know that's not very funny," Jay said, finally realizing that Erin was just teasing him. Erin smacked his chest lightly, Jay catching her hand and holding it. He glanced out the window of the break room to see if they were being watched, satisfied when he saw everyone just doing their own thing. It was still a balancing act for them, trying to be professional as they could be at work but unable to hold back on showing affections.

Before they were extremely professional, mostly because of Erin and Jay had gone along with it, just catching stolen moments in locker rooms and their cars here and there. But this time around, Erin had been more relaxed about her need to be professional at work and Jay had taken full advantage of it. Like now. He brought her hand that he was holding to his lips, dropping a kiss on it. Erin smiled, returning her hand back on his chest, splaying her palm on the hard pecs.

"So you're going to be busy tomorrow then?"

"Yeah," Erin replied. "I told Tara that I'd be there for her first session, at least until she feels comfortable with Ewan so I'll be at Chicago Med." Jay nodded, knowing that there was no way Erin would break her promise that she made to Tara months ago to be there for the woman. "You'll be okay by yourself?"

Jay rolled his eyes, as if to say 'of course'. "I'll be fine. It'll give me time to see my other girlfriend." Erin smacked his chest, not appreciating his joke. "I'm kidding!" Erin pointed her finger at him to say he'd better be kidding before grabbing his face and giving him a quick kiss.

"I'll kill them all," Erin teased, Jay flashing back to the one of the few times he could recall Erin getting jealous. After all, it wasn't like Erin had a reason to be jealous.

* * *

Erin grimaced when she saw the dead body on the ground, the slash marks on the poor woman's battered body were gruesome enough for Erin to want to throw up. And she was usually good with seeing blood. But there was something about a person stabbed to death numerous times before being tossed into a dumpster like trash that was just extremely sad. She crouched down, getting a closer look.

"She was in the dumpster?" The patrol officer nodded.

"Yeah, the motel manager called it in. Found her body when he was taking out the trash." Erin glanced over to the motel manager who was standing a few feet away, giving his statement to Jay. She thanked the patrol officer and walked over to Jay.

"It was horrible," she caught the tail end of the manager's statement, Jay taking notes in his notepad he carried around.

"Have you seen her around?"

"Yeah," the manager replied. "I have. Several times." The manager leaned in closer. "She might've been a call girl. She was here several times in the past two weeks. Never got a room under her name though. Just had a room ready to go."

"Did you get a look at any of the guys she was with?" Jay questioned.

The manager shook his head. "This isn't the best motel in the best area so we do get a lot of things like this. I just...I was just taught not to ask questions, as long as the room is paid for. I'm sorry." Jay nodded and the manager left, leaving Erin and Jay alone.

"It would make sense," Erin spoke, running over the information they've gotten over the case. "A couple of the other women were found in dumpsters with motels nearby. We knew that it was a possibility." Jay nodded, agreeing with Erin.

"Let's get this back to the team."

* * *

"I reached out to a CI of mine and I think we can safely confirm that these victims were all prostitutes," Antonio said to the group, to the surprise of no one. "This CI, she's a call girl and said for the past three months, they've seen a downturn in business because of new competition."

"That's one way to put it."

Antonio ignored Adam and continued on. "A new major player on scene. His speciality is white clean cut women."

"We ran the financials on the victims and they were all struggling money-wise. Most of them didn't have jobs and those that did were living paycheck to paycheck. The motel manager also said that the motel is a hotzone for prostitution and he has seen the latest victim a couple of time prior to her death." Erin stood up and faced the group. "Guys, I think we've found the newest prostituion ring in Chicago."

"Only this one is more discreet," Jay added. "No one is going to see these women on the streets and think they're hookers. Look at them." Jay pointed to the women on the board. "No prior records on any of them. They just all seem like women that fell on hard times and saw no way out."

"Any idea who's the pimp that's whoring these women out is?"

"My CI gave us a few leads," Antonio replied, pointing over to Kevin. "Kev has narrowed it down to a few possibles."

Kevin stood up and walked over to the whiteboard, pasting a picture on it. "Lou Hammington a.k.a Sweet Lou. Served a dime in Leavenworth for pimping and got out six months ago and relocated back to Chicago. Before that, he also did time for assault. Now me and Ruzek scanned through the pods and see if we can put him on the map on any of the locations and he was seen hanging around a couple of the motels that the victims were found at."

"Great," Voight said. "I need the warrant for his arrest in my hand like yesterday."

"Voight, all the evidence we have right now are just circumstantial. We need something more substantial if we're going to go after him," Erin explained. "Besides he may be the handler but we still have no indications that he was the one that killed these women."

"Aside from his prior record, the same M.O and the fact that he's pimping these women out."

"Yeah aside from that," Erin snarked back. "We need to find out the motive. If he's the pimp then why would he literally kill off his profits? He can't make any money without them."

"Where is he getting these women from anyways?" Jay added. "Doesn't look like they run in the same circle."

"Do your jobs and figure it out!" Voight barked. "I want that bastard in front of me by today." They all exchanged looks with one another, knowing to be quiet whenever Voight became like that. They were all about to return to work to find out the information needed when the phone rang, Kevin picking it up.

"There's been another victim," he announced to the group, hanging up the phone. "Polk Motel."

* * *

"Eww," Erin whispered to herself as she and Kim entered the fleabag motel. To call the motel run down would be a compliment as it looked like it was about to literally fall apart and the stench of alcohol and just indescribable stink greeted the Intelligence team as soon as they stepped into the motel.

"No five stars accommodations here," Kim joked, her voice sound nasally as she held her nose closed.

Erin scoffed. "Five stars? This place would be lucky if it got one." The two partners entered the room that the victim was located in. The newest victim differed from the previous one in this one major way— instead of being dumped in the dumpster, she was found in the room. Judging by the plastic tarp that was strewn aside in the room, it seemed as though whoever was responsible for the murder was planning on dumping the body but had scattered before he was able to.

"Who was the room registered to?" Erin questioned the motel manager, who still seemed in shock at the body that was covered by a tarp to hide the gruesome nature.

"Um…" the manager thought his answer over, "To Logan Something or another."

Erin arched her eyebrows. "No last names?"

"We're not exactly by the books type of establishment here," the manager replied. "As long as the guest has cash, we're told by the owner to not ask any questions. I mean, we rent by the hour for god's sake. We're not exactly getting the most upscale clientele here."

"That's all the more reasons to get the proper names then isn't it?" Kim chided. "To keep records in case things like this go down."

The manager held up his hand. "Hey, I don't make the rules. I just follow the ones set by the owner." Erin and Kim rolled their eyes, telling the manager that he was able to leave. Erin walked over to the body and knelt down next to it, slowly removing the tarp that was covering the body to see who the victim was.

"I know her," Erin voiced, seeing the familiar looking face of the victim. She wracked her brain trying to figure out just who the woman was. The woman was blonde, mid-30s if Erin had to guess, looked similar to other victims— like the opposite of what a prostitute would look like. Erin felt Kim next to her, taking a closer look at the woman.

"Hmm," Kim frowned. "She doesn't look familiar to me." Erin narrowed her eyes, still trying to find out where she knew this woman from. "We still don't have an I.D yet for her." Kim added.

"Erin?" Erin heard Jay's voice coming from down the hall and finally things snapped into place for her. Jay's voice had triggered the memory of where she knew this woman from. Erin's eyes widened and she quickly worked to cover the body up again and stood up, trying to intercept Jay before he entered the room.

"Jay!" She got there in time, stopping Jay from entering with a hand on his chest. He looked at her in confusion wondering why she was stopping him from going in. She held him in place. "Jay," she slowly said. "There's something you should know before you see the body."

"What is it?" Jay asked, his concern growing over the strange way Erin was acting. "Are you okay?"

She patted his chest a couple of times, taking a deep breath. "The victim...it's Lissa Egan." Hearing Jay's voice led Erin to remember just who the woman lying dead on the floor once. She had only met this Lissa Egan once before— at the funeral for Lissa's husband, Terry Egan. The woman had been inconsolable then, having to bury her husband while she was pregnant.

Erin would never be able to forget the turbulent time when Jay worked as security for the dispensary and the ambush that nearly killed him and killed his friend, Terry Egan. It was the first time Erin had truly realized just how much she loved him and just how close she came to losing him. That was also the first time she saw a glimpse of the weight Jay was carrying on his shoulder— one that Will had inadvertently let slipped out about before. Survivor's guilt— Dr. Charles had told her once in one of their old sessions when she was working through her own guilt over Nadia's death. Jay carried that around with him— that guilt of making it back from Afghanistan while many of his friends and comrades didn't, that guilt of surviving the ambush attack while Terry bled out to his death underneath the freeway overpass, that guilt that drove Jay into leaving their home and led to their breakup— and she knew that despite him trying to work through it in his group sessions, it was something that would never truly go away. After all, hers over Nadia's death hadn't. It was something she still carried around.

Jay looked like he didn't believe her and he moved past her to the dead body and lifted away the tarp, confirming the identity of the deceased.

"What? How?" he could barely stammered the words out, his hand covering his mouth in shock. "She's not a prostitute? How could this happen?" Erin couldn't provide him an answer. All she could do was join him by his side and laid a comforting hand on his back— rubbing the tense surface and trying to show him that she was there for him.

"I'm so sorry Jay." He didn't reply, just kept his eyes on Lissa whose lifeless eyes were staring back up at them, empty yet haunting at the same time. Erin reached over to grab the tarp from him and covered her body back up, not wanting Jay to look at her any longer. They'd seen enough.

* * *

"Lissa Egan," Jay spoke, voice rough and eyes red. "She was 34 years old, had a 3 year old son named Jordan, her husband was Terry Egan…"

Erin knew he was having a hard time continuing on so she did so for him. "Terry was the victim of the ambush attack that Jay was in four years ago," Erin started, reminding everyone of the case they all worked years ago. "Um, we ran her financials and found out Lissa lost her job about six months ago and was about to lose her house. She didn't have any family in the area so she was left to raise Jordan by herself. That's where Lou probably came and took advantage, knowing that she needed the money."

"So he tricked her out? Damn," Kevin exhaled, shaking his head. Everyone had their eyes on Jay as he paced back and forth in the bullpen, worried about him. They all had cases that weighted more heavily on them than others and they all knew that losing someone he knew would weigh more heavily on Jay.

"We searched her home and found a log of the clients she kept," Kim held up a small notepad in her hand. "And going through her list, it seems as though Lou kept getting bigger and bigger cut with each client. So we're thinking that maybe some of the girls that were working for him decided that enough is enough and decided to fight back."

"And he probably didn't take it so well so he started off-ing them one by one," Erin added. "Probably thought no one would put the pieces together since the victims didn't fit the usual stereotypes."

"Hey guys," Platt interrupted them, a frightened looking woman following behind her. "This is Melody. She has some information regarding the case." Voight pointed his finger at Erin, telling her to take care of it. Erin stood up and approached the woman, smiling at Platt as a thank you.

"Hi Melody? I'm Detective Lindsay," she said softly, trying to get the woman to feel more comfortable. "You have information about the case that could help us?" Melody didn't reply. Her eyes were glued to the pictures on the whiteboard, specifically on Lissa's picture. Erin followed her gaze and gave her a sad understanding look. "You knew Lissa?" Melody nodded. Erin glanced around the room and lightly placed her hand on Melody's arm. "Why don't we go talk in the break room, just the two of us?" She led Melody in the break room and closed the door.

"I shouldn't be here," Melody began, eyes darting back and forth around the room. "I shouldn't have come."

"Melody, whatever information you may have can help us greatly. We want to catch who did this to those women? To your friend, Lissa. But we need your help. Please." Melody closed her eyes, dropping her head down. Erin held Melody's hands. "I promise you Melody, you're not going to get in trouble here," Erin reassured the woman, thinking that Melody didn't want to come forward because she didn't want to get in trouble for soliciting. "We just want any information you can tell us. I promise you that."

Melody nodded. "Okay, then I know who killed them."

"Who?"

"Lou," Melody confirmed. "He's umm..he's our handler. I guess that's what you call those guys. Or a pimp. I don't...I don't really know." It was understandable to Erin, Melody fitting the description of the other victim herself. "I've never done _this_ before but times got hard. My child support payment stopped coming in and I had to support my daughter somehow. I tried getting a job, I swear I did but I couldn't afford daycare while I worked or anything so I had no other options. I was about to get evicted from my apartment. Me and my daughter were about to be thrown out on the streets."

"And that's when you started working for Lou?" Melody nodded. "How did you meet him?"

"He approached me at a grocery store," Melody replied. "I was at the cashier and I didn't have enough money and my daughter was crying. I was about to have a breakdown and that's when he stepped in and paid for my groceries." She let out an empty laugh. "I thought 'wow what a nice man' at first. But I should've known there's no such thing as a free lunch in this world."

"So he saw you were having a hard time and he just threw out an offer to become a prostitute?"

"Pretty much," Melody said. "I thanked him for paying and asked him how I could pay him back. He said he had a business opportunity for me. Told me that I wouldn't struggle for money again. LIttle did I know what the job was. Of course I told him to fuck off at first then my daughter got sick and I couldn't afford to take her to the doctor so I did it one time, promised myself that it was only going to be one time."

"But it's never just one time," Erin finished for Melody. After all, Erin had been there herself. She had been 14, cold and hungry and saw no other way to get the money she needed. So she sold the only thing she had— herself. She understood the desperating that Melody and these other women went through. "How long have you been working for him?"

"Four months."

"And that's how you know Lissa?"

"Yeah. The girls, sometimes we get sent out in pairs or groups. Depends on the clients. I met Lissa during one of those times. We got to talking and realized that we were pretty much in the same situation and became friends." Melody started crying. "I can't believe she's really gone."

"Melody, you said you were sure that it was Lou who did it. What makes you so sure?"

"I heard it straight from him." Erin frowned, waiting for Melody to continue. "We started out giving Lou half of our cut. None of the girls ever done this before so we don't know the rules or the rates. But Lou said it was more than generous for us to be getting half. Then he wanted more and more, said he can't afford to give us that big of a cut anymore, that he had his own bills to pay." Melody sighed, lacing her fingers on the table together. "Of course we tried to protest at first. I mean we were the ones that had to go and actually sleep with random strangers and we were barely making it as it is. Lou didn't like it, started slapping some of the girls around. Some of the girls tried to get out but now they're on your board instead."

"You're saying that all those victims tried to get out of the game?" Melody nodded. "And Lou couldn't have that happened." Now it made more sense to Erin. Why Lou was willing to kill women that would've made him money. It was because if the women got what they wanted, they'd no longer be working for him and would stop making him money.

Erin glanced outside the window, seeing the picture of Lissa. Lissa wanted out and she lost her life because of it.

"Melody," Erin turned back to Melody, "how would one get in touch with Lou?"

* * *

Erin followed Jay into the office downstairs, her hand on his back as a sign of support. He was all tense and rigid, not that she could blame him. He hadn't said much since they found Lissa's dead body and he pretty much went dead silent after finding out just what kind of life Lissa was leading after the tragic death of her husband. She knew somehow Jay felt responsible for Lissa having to resort to prostituting herself to make ends meet. That was how Jay was. He bore the brunt and carried the weight of the world on his own shoulders so others wouldn't have to.

Waiting inside of the office was a young woman in a suit and next to her was a little boy— blond and tiny— and Erin's heart cracked at seeing his scared little face. Jordan was only three and he had already lost both of his parents in senseless ways. Her heart went out to the innocent young boy who would have to grow up without knowing his mom and his dad and would in all likelihood end up in the system.

"Hi," the DCFS worker greeted them. "I'm Linda and I'll be working Jordan's case." Erin tried to return the smile but it was hard to find anything to smile about in this case. Erin directed her gaze down to Jordan who was sitting in the chair, holding onto his teddy bear tightly in his hand.

"Hi Jordan." He didn't say anything, just tossing an unsure look to both her and Jay. Jay hadn't said anything yet, just standing there silently taking everything in. Erin stepped around him to take the lead, knowing that he needed her to. "What's your bear name?"

"Teddy." Erin smiled— a more genuine one this time— and reached over to shake Teddy's hand.

"That's a nice name," she told Jordan.

"My mommy said it sounds like my daddy's name." With that, whatever little thing that was holding Erin's heart together completely broke. She felt her eyes glistened but she held them back as much as she could. She'd have to be strong here. Especially as Jay noticeably bristled at Jordan's words and muttered a few variations of needing to get out of there and he quickly made his way out of the office. Erin wanted to go after her boyfriend and just hold him as he fall apart in her arms and then piece him back together but she knew Jordan was the priority for now.

"I'm sorry," she told Linda. "It's...it's a hard case." Linda nodded, giving Erin an understanding look. During her time at SVU, Erin knew just how hard these cases got. A case involving a child— especially such a young child at that— was never easy. Add a personal connection to that? Then it became just near impossible to keep any distance and professionalism in that.

"I'm really sorry to hear about Jordan's mother but seeing as though she was the last remaining parent for Jordan, we're going to have to put Jordan under our care, until we find a relative willing to take him in or we can place him in a foster home."

Erin knew all of this already— could recite the procedures when it came to tender aged child forward and backwards. "I don't think he has any close relatives that live around in this area," Erin informed Linda. "I really don't want him to go in foster care. Not if we can help it. Until you can find a relative, is it possible for Jordan to stay under my care? I mean, I'm a police officer. My boyfriend knew Jordan's parents and I think that he'd really love it. Just temporarily if that makes it better."

Linda gave her a sympathetic look. "I know that people are wary of foster care system but really, sometimes that's the best option for the child. I can promise you that I will do everything I can to make sure that Jordan gets a good home. I wish I could release Jordan to you but even temporarily, my hands are tied. I have to follow the proper procedures."

Erin sighed, accepting Linda's answer. There was nothing she could do but let Jordan go in the system, for now at least. "Please do me a favor?" she asked Linda. "Just please keep us in the loop about him. He's….he's really important to us."

"Of course." Erin stepped aside as Linda and Jordan stood up and made their way out of the office. Erin waved, a smile on her face, as Jordan waved goodbye, holding up Teddy in his hands. "Bye Jordan."

* * *

Erin found him just where she'd expected he'd be— in the locker room, hunched over on the bench with his face in his hand. His breathing was harsh and strained like he was having a panic attack and immediately, Erin made her way over to him, her own heart in her throat at finding him in that state.

"Breathe Jay, just breathe," she stroked his back, hoping to calm him down. But he was far away from her right now. He wasn't hearing her— far too stuck in his mind to hear anything around him. "Babe," she tried again softly but to no avail. Finally, she crouched down in front of him, her knees on the ground, and held his face firmly in her hand. "Jay, I'm here. You're okay. You're going to be okay." She repeated that over and over again, stroking his jaw with her thumbs, hoping that she could break through to him because he was scaring her. "Just breathe." She took deep breaths, showing him to do the same and follow her lead. Every inhale and exhale of his was shaky but soon it began to make a difference and he slowly came back to her. She was still holding his face, needing that contact for her own sake. "You're okay, you're okay."

His breathing slowed but remained just as shaky as before and he blinked rapidly several times, like he finally realized what happened. "Erin," he breathed out and all she could do in that moment was to connect their forehead together, pressing hard against him. "I…." he began, trying to explain what happened.

"Shhh," she whispered softly. "It's okay. You don't have to say anything. I'm here." He nodded against her forehead and took in deep breaths, still trying to return to his normal state. Finally she pulled away to get a better look at him, giving him a smile as he met her eyes. "Better?"

He nodded, dropping his gaze to the floor. "I can't….I couldn't stay in there," he explained. "Seeing Jordan, hearing him talk about his parents. I couldn't."

"I know. It's okay."

"No it's not!" He shook himself out of her hold suddenly, catching her off guard. "I failed his dad and he's dead. I failed his mom and she's dead and I failed him because I'm too weak to stay in the fucking room when I needed to? It's not okay."

"Jay," she reached for him again, Jay evading her comforting touch. "None of this is your fault! What happened with Terry and what happened to Lissa, it's not your fault!" She would repeat that a million times if it was what it took for him to believe her. Because it was the truth. Because he needed to hear it.

"We were a team. When we went on those bank runs, we were supposed to be a team and I didn't protect him. Then I promised myself that I wasn't going to fail Terry again and would be there for his family but I didn't keep that promise." He tugged at his hair. "I didn't know just how much they were struggling Erin. That Lissa had to sell her body for money. I didn't know any of that was happening. And now Jordan, he lost both of his parents. That's my fault!"

"Jay, Terry's death...as horrible and as tragic as it was, it wasn't your fault. You were caught in an ambush attack. You had seconds to react and you know you did everything you could. Lissa, you didn't know."

"I should have!"

"Why?" she said right back. "You had a lot on your own plate okay? Jay, I love that you are the type of man that cares that much about others, that you want to carry that load on your shoulders but it wasn't your responsibility." She knew she sounded horrible right now but to her it was the facts. Jay wasn't responsible for Lissa and Jordan, no matter how guilty he felt about Terry. If Erin needed to be the bad guy in this and say these things to make Jay see the truth, then she'd gladly be the villain.

She tried reaching out to him again and was slightly relieved when he didn't move away, letting her hold his face so he was looking at her. "This isn't your fault. None of it. I know that you checked in whenever you could with them and you know people, they have their pride. That was probably the reason why Lissa didn't say anything to you about what she was going through. There's no way you could've known so please, don't blame yourself for this." He closed his eyes, leaning into her hold.

"It's hard," Jay admitted. "To be one left standing when people around you get hurt and die. To be the one who goes home at night and sleep in my own bed when they can't ever again." Erin nodded, understanding where Jay was coming from. She knew that it was the biggest source of Jay's guilt— that he made it home when his friends didn't. That he was the one who had to tell the wives and parents of the fallen soldiers that their husband and son wouldn't be coming home. That was why Terry's death hit so hard for Jay— because Terry was supposed to home already. He had made it, he survived being overseas. But instead of living a happy life with his wife and their son, he was gunned down in the streets. And now his wife was gone too— all because she lost her husband and had to do whatever it took to survive.

"I know babe, I know." She thumbed his face lightly, tracing the lines that had made their way on his face. "I'm sorry." She gave him a soft kiss, just a small connection of their lips. He brought his hand up to keep her head in place and reconnected their lips, stronger and firmer this time. She happily obliged, happy to give him the comfort he needed in that moment.

* * *

They had left the district early, their plan to catch Lou having set for the next day. Despite not having eaten since breakfast, their appetite didn't make its appearance that night and they both opted to just go to bed early.

Erin brought up the blanket to her chest and turned her head to look at Jay lying next to her. He was so close physically but he still felt so far away. She knew he had a lot on his mind and that despite their conversation in the locker room, he was still having a hard time. She knew the feeling of guilt well herself. When Nadia died, she plunged into deep grief that was fueled by guilt— guilt about bringing Nadia into her life, guilt for being the reason why Yates even saw Nadia in the first place, and guilt about getting Nadia killed. She knew, _now, _that she wasn't at fault for Nadia's death— that Yates' actions fell on him and him only— but back then, she couldn't let herself see that. So she understood just exactly how Jay was feeling.

She turned her body towards and scooted closer until his back was against her chest. Slowly she brought her arms around his body, covering him in her embrace. She was the big spoon, protecting his fragile heart and mind tonight, keeping the demons away. She felt him relaxed a bit in her arms and he scooted back until he was completely flushed against her and she tugged him even closer to her. She smiled into his hair when he held her hand that was resting on his stomach, lacing their fingers together. She was grateful that he was letting her be there for him tonight, that he was reaching out to her instead of pushing her away like she did him during her grief. She voiced that gratefulness with a kiss on the back of his head, closing her eyes as her lips remained on him.

He clutched her fingers tighter and she slid her leg in between his. She didn't need to say anything— knew that it was better not to say anything. Sometimes words weren't necessary and just physical touch was the better antidote. She moved her lips from the back of his head to the crevice of his neck and letting her lips remain there— it wasn't sexual or meant to arouse him. It was just a much needed connection— her lips on his skin, the pulse on his neck beating rhythmically under her lips as both of them drifted off into sleep.

* * *

Erin wasn't surprised to not find Jay next to her the next morning but she was surprised to not find him in their home at all. She got worried until she saw the note he left for her on the kitchen counter, next to the coffee he had made for her, stating that he wanted to go in early and didn't want to make her.

After a much needed shower and a quick breakfast, Erin bounded up the steps to the 21st district, hoping that their plan to catch Lou would go smoothly and they could put the case to rest.

"Lindsay," Platt called from her desk and Erin made her way over, giving the desk sergeant a small nod. "I saw Jay came in early today. He okay?" Erin nodded, knowing that Trudy was truly concerned for Jay if she was calling him by his first name and not Halstead or any of the colorful nicknames she had came up for him over the years.

"It's just a tough case," Erin said, Trudy giving her an understanding look. Erin was about to make her way up but stopped and turned back around. "Actually Sergeant, do you think you can help me with something? It's really important."

"Of course," Platt immediately answered, not hesitating a bit. "What do you need?"

* * *

Erin saw Jay already at his desk, head down and focused on something on his computer. He heard her footsteps as he looked up and gave her a small smile, as if to tell her without words that he was okay. But she saw the dark circles underneath his eyes, the tight pull of his lips and she knew that he didn't get a good enough sleep as he needed.

"Okay, we're all set!" Voight announced to the group as he came out of his office, Melody following him and Erin hurriedly made her way over to her own desk and sat down. "Today, we're stopping this bastard from killing any more women."

"What's the plan again?" Antonio asked.

"Melody here has agreed to help us out and arranged a meeting with Sweet Lou for today," Voight explained to the group.

"And how did she do that?"

Voight turned to Olinsky. "Told him that she had a new girl that was interested in working for him. He bought it easily," Voight shrugged.

"Probably because he lost half of his work force," Adam snarked under his breath.

"So one of us going undercover?" Hailey spoke up, pointing to her, Erin and Kim. Voight nodded. "Who is…" Before Hailey could get her question out, Kim raised her hand.

"I volunteer," Kim said, standing up. "I mean, if you don't mind sir, I volunteer to go undercover. I know I don't have a lot of experience with going undercover but I really think I can do this. Besides, I want to get more experience." Voight shrugged, about to agree to Kim.

"Whoa no way!" Melody shouted. "I'm risking my life here going against Lou and you're not sending me in there with someone inexperienced. I need someone that I can count on when things go sideway. Not someone that's going to get me killed."

"Hey!" Kim shouted, offended. "I can do this!"

"If you send me in there with her, I'm out! You hear me?" Melody argued right back. She turned to the group and landed her eyes on Erin. "How about her? She looks like she knows what she's doing and I would feel far more comfortable going in with her." Erin sputtered, not knowing what to reply. It wasn't as though she had a problem going undercover, she just didn't want to step on Kim's toes, knowing just how much the other detective was dying to go on an undercover mission.

Voight turned to Erin, asking her wordlessly and Erin just shrugged, leaving it up to them. She saw Jay about to protest about sending her in but before he could, Voight agreed to Melody's terms.

"Alright, Lindsay. You and Melody then. Go get changed." Erin nodded, sending a small apologetic smile over to Kim who just waved it off, letting Erin know she was fine.

"Sir," Jay stood up, stopping Voight from going back into his office. "Is this really a good idea? Sending in Erin to meet with someone as violent as Lou?"

Voight licked his lips, glaring at Jay. "You got any other bright ideas to catch this Lou in the act Halstead? If so, please do share with the group." Jay crossed his arms, his jaw tensing. "We're going to be listening in the whole time and Erin'll be wired up and we'll be able to watch the whole thing."

"I get that but you know as well as I do that having eyes and ears on the inside pretty much means jackshit when things go sideways," Jay bit back, referring to what happened with him and Derek Keyes when he went undercover. There were a lot of things that could go wrong when it came to missions like this, especially when the target was someone as violent and vicious as Lou.

"Jay, I got this." Erin said, holding his eyes. Jay set his jaw, his muscles tensing as he sat on the edge of his desk. He tsked, obviously unhappy about Erin being sent in.

"Are we doing this or not? Because the meeting is in half an hour and Lou hates it when people are late." Melody interrupted.

"Go get changed!" Voight ordered Erin again and she nodded, making her way into the locker room and trying to avoid Jay's eyes on her way there.

* * *

"I don't like this." Erin turned to find Jay stomping his way into the locker room, his face troubled. She zipped up the skirt she was wearing for the mission and laced up her thigh high boots before turning to face him.

"Jay, I'll be fine." She placed her hand on his chest, hoping to ease his worry. "I've done this hundreds of times before."

"Yeah I know that," Jay returned, sighing. "But this Lou. You saw how he cut up those women and killed them. He's dangerous Erin and I don't like the fact that you're going in there with the purpose of riling him up so he'd lose it and attack you."

That was their plan for the mission— Melody would make the introduction of Erin being interested in working for Lou then Melody would drop the bomb about wanting to get out. Their goal was to get Lou angry enough so he'd lose control and get angry and hopefully he'd incriminate himself and would let out that he would kill them like he killed all those other women and they'd catch him on tape. It was definitely a risky plan and Erin knew a lot could go wrong and there was a big chance of Lou actually attacking them physically and Erin would have to fend him off but it was a chance she had to take if she wanted to bring him down and bring justice to all those women that were murdered— Lissa included.

"I know you're worried."

"I'm terrified!" Jay corrected her, holding her hand that was on his chest and bringing it to his lips. "I can't lose you Erin."

"You won't!" she reassured him. "I'll be okay."

"You can't promise me that," Jay argued. "No one can." She knew how hard it was for Jay to show this vulnerable side of himself and the fact that he was doing so was because he was going through his own battle. She just wished she could promise him that she'd be alright but he was right. It was a promise she couldn't make.

She cupped his face and met his gaze. "You're right. I can't make that promise, no matter how much I want to. But I can promise you this Jay. That I'm going to do whatever it takes to come home to you. I'll fight like hell if it means I get to be with you." She leaned forward to kiss him, searing her promise into the kiss. He held her face, caressing the skin with his thumb. "I'll be okay. I know you're watching my back." He kissed her forehead, resting his lips for a while before reluctantly letting her go so she could finish getting ready.

"I got you," Jay told her. And Erin knew without him needing to voice it that he'd always have her back. After all, he was her back-up and they were the type of partners that mattered the most— life partners.

* * *

Erin's heart thumped hard against her chest, adrenaline rushing through her body. Although she knew Jay was worried and anxious, she couldn't deny the familiar rush that came over her at going undercover again. It had been a while since she last went on a similar mission but they had always been her favorite— both at Intelligence and at FBI. Her time at SVU didn't require her to go undercover much and she missed it. She used to live for missions like this in her younger and more reckless days. It used to give her life before she knew what really made her happy in her life.

"Ready?" Poor Melody was looking like a nervous wreck, knowing the dangerous she was about to walk into. Erin grabbed her hand. "Melody it'll be fine. I'll be right next to you the whole time okay? And the whole team will just be right outside, ready to come in if something goes wrong." Melody nodded, letting Erin's words of reassurance wash over her. "Ready?"

"Yeah," Melody replied, taking a deep breath. "Let's do this," she said, knocking on the motel door.

Soon enough, Erin stood in the dingy motel room, trying to stay still as Lou scanned her body up and down with his beady eyes. Erin felt like she needed a shower just from the way he looked at her alone, grunting approval every so often at what he was seeing.

"Turn around." Erin did as ordered, feeling Lou's eyes on her ass. "Hmm, not bad. I can do some business with you girl."

"Great," Melody cut in. "Told you I had a good one for you."

"Yeah, we'll see about that." Lou replied. "Here's the terms sweetheart. 70-30. That's 70% of the cut for me and 30 for you. That's a nice little deal I'm offering you because I think I can make a lot of money off of you."

"I need more than 30," Erin replied.

Lou laughed. "Ask Melody here if it's a good deal," Lou retorted, "Other bitches only get 20%." Erin nodded, accepting the deal. Lou smiled deviously. "Good answer, sweetheart. Not that you had much of a choice anyway."

"Great!" Melody said, clapping her hand. "Now that we have a deal, we can talk about what I get out of this."

* * *

Jay listened in on the conversation that was taking place in the motel room, his leg bouncing up and down in place. He wasn't happy at all with the plan and he had a gut feeling like something was about to go wrong. He knew Erin was capable of taking care of herself, she was a badass and she was a professional when it came to going undercover. He knew all that. But she was also the love of his life first and foremost and he would always worry about her. Especially when she was putting her life at risk and baiting someone as unhinged and violent as Lou. Every time Jay closed his eyes, he saw the vicious and gruesome way the victims were slashed to death. Their mangled bodies tossed in the dumpster, Lissa's dead eyes staring back at him, all blood drained from her body from all the knife wounds on her body. Lou did all that. He inflicted all those knife wounds and slashes on his victims and now Erin was in the room with him, trying to incite his anger so they'd get his confession on tape.

"Your cut?" Jay heard Lou's laugh over the headphone. "What makes you think you're going to get a cut?"

"I did bring you a girl," Melody responded. Jay had to hand it to her, she didn't sound scared. "I'm owed something for my effort right?"

"What do you want then?"

"I want out," Melody demanded, following the plan. "I want to get out and she can take my place." Jay saw from the pin sized camera Erin wore that Lou was touching Erin now, putting his dirty hands all over her. Jay tensed his jaws, trying to contain his anger at seeing Lou paw his girlfriend freely.

"I don't know how much this bitch could make me yet," Lou said, "I'm not letting you go just yet."

"She's good, I can promise you that," Melody replied. "She'll make you lots of money that you won't miss me Sweet Lou. You'll be too busy with setting up dates for her."

Lou walked over to Melody and without warning, he backhanded her, Melody crying out in pain. The Intelligence team was ready to make a move but Voight held his hand up, telling them to stay in place. "I told you you're not getting out bitch!" Lou roared, screaming in Melody's face. "What is it with you whores? Always wanting out sooner or later, like you guys have any other options. Do you realize just what I have done for you sluts? Do you remember just how hungry and desperate you were when I found you and gave you jobs and put food on the table for you? Now all of you guys want out, you ungrateful bitches! Why? Huh? Are you too good for me now?"

Melody shook her head, tears coming out of her face. "Lou, I'm sorry. But it's just….your cut has gotten too much. We're barely making enough money now!"

"Do you think I get to keep all of the money?" Lou shouted again. "Huh? That I get to keep the whole cut?" He slapped Melody again, Erin running over to her trying to stop Lou from hitting her again.

"Hey!" Erin shouted, protecting Melody by stepping in front of her.

"Move bitch!" Lou pushed Erin who stumbled back from the force. Jay stood up, his anger boiling over at seeing Lou push Erin. He was ready to barge in and taking that anger out on Lou until that bastard couldn't eat solid food for the rest of his life.

"Sit down!" Voight barked. "We don't have the confession yet." Jay gritted his teeth, wondering just how his Sergeant could stand by and watch. "Sit!" Jay complied, muttering curses under his breath.

The team saw Lou made his way over to Melody now, grabbing her by her hair and tossing her aside like she was a rag doll. "You're not getting out ever! You hear me?" He spat in her face, like he completely lost control of himself and Melody was quivering in fear, nodding profusely just so Lou would let go of her hair.

"Let her go!" Erin shouted, trying to pull Lou off of the woman, but he was far too strong and too consumed with his rage. "Hey!" Erin yelled again, hoping to get his attention away from Melody and focused on her. Lou turned his fury onto Erin, tossing Melody to the side who fell on the bed in a heap, sobbing. Lou grabbed Erin by her hair now, holding her in a tight grip. Erin fought back as much as she could, trying to pry his hold off of her. She kneeled him in his groin and he groaned out in pain, his hold on her loosening and she took the chance to help Melody up, ready to make the exit out the room if they needed to.

But Lou recovered, pulling out a switchblade from his pocket and the unmistakable noise of the blade unsheathing from its holder stopped Erin in her tracks. The two women turned to find Lou with a sinister grin on his face, holding up the knife in his hand.

That was enough for Jay and he pulled off his headphone, ready to barge his way inside and get his hands on Lou but he felt Voight grabbed his shoulder and pushed him back down in his seat.

"Serge!" Jay protested, his face red with anger. "We need to go in now!"

"Not yet! Not until we have a confession!"

"He has a goddamn knife out!" Jay screamed. "It's Erin!" He saw Voight's jaw muscles working but the Sergeant didn't change his stance, keeping Jay in place with a hand on his shoulder.

Then everything happened in a blur. Jay lost all semblance of control and order when he saw Lou charged towards Erin and Melody, ready to stab the two women like he did to all of his victims prior. Erin barely had enough time to push Melody out of the way before she narrowly escaped getting stabbed by Lou. Then she was locked in a battle for her life as she tried to hold Lou off, dodging him as he blindly swung his knife around, trying to make contact with whatever flesh he could. Melody tucked herself in the corner, making herself no help to the battle as Erin tried to fend Lou off.

Jay pushed off Voight's hold on him, not giving a damn about the order to stay and he ran out the surveillance van to the motel room. All he had on his mind was to get to Erin and kill the bastard for even putting a hand on Erin. All he saw was the red burning rage in his eyes when he kicked the door open with his feet and saw Lou's menacing form over Erin, his girl holding her hand in pain.

Jay could barely registered Lou's shouts of '_I'm going to kill you bitch! Like I killed all the others!'_, his hands grabbing Lou's shirt to turn him around and punching him hard across the face. Jay punched him again and again, the knife knocked out of Lou's hand and they both fell to the ground, tumbling. Jay didn't hear Erin's voice telling him to stop, he didn't hear his team coming in ready to make the arrest, he didn't hear them actually getting Lou's confession on tape. There was no sound in his ears. It was like all of his senses shut down, making way for one lone sense to overpower everything else because Jay would swear he could actually see that red hot rage that overtook his body. Because he didn't just see Lou's disgusting face as they fought on the ground, Jay punching him over and over again. Jay saw Yates' face. Jay saw Stan. He saw Daly. It was like everything he went through the past six months— everything he held inside could no longer be contained, finally coming out. Even the retaliation hits Lou managed to get in didn't register with Jay. Nothing did. Not until the strong arms of Kevin pulled him off of the guy, Kevin and Adam working together to hold Jay back, both of them together too strong for Jay to fight off.

He was panting now, exhausted from the fight and coming down from anger. He briefly saw Olinsky and Antonio cuffing Lou and hauling him out of the room, maybe if he focused enough he'd see Kim and Hailey comforting Melody in the corner of the room. But all he wanted to find was Erin but he didn't see her. Satisfied that he was calmed enough, Kevin and Adam released their hold on him but still remaining close just in case they needed to hold him down again.

"Erin…." Jay finally got out, searching for her. Kevin patted his back and told him that she was outside to get herself checked out by the medics and that Voight was with her. Jay needed to get to her but Kevin stood in the way.

"Just hold on a minute man," Kevin said, stopping Jay. "Just take a breather before you go out." Adam handed Jay a water bottle but he refused, just wanting to make sure Erin was okay. That was the only thing on his mind, the image of her lying on the ground holding onto her arm was stabbing him in the chest. He stepped around Kevin, the latter letting him go knowing that he wouldn't be able to stop Jay.

Jay found her, sitting on the edge of the ambulance, getting her wound taped up by a medic. Voight was next to her, asking her question and Erin nodding in reply. Despite seeing that she was relatively okay, the rock on his chest still didn't ease and he stumbled towards her. Voight stepped forward like he wanted to stop Jay but Jay needed to see her and if he needed to push his Sergeant out of the way to do so, he'd gladly do so.

Luckily it seemed as though Erin needed to be near him as much as he did her because she said something to Voight that Jay couldn't hear and Voight reluctantly left his pseudo daughter's side. She directed her attention to Jay, giving him a small smile and a soft 'hi'.

He crumbled at hearing her voice, rushing forward to hold her in his arms, not caring that he was probably getting his sweat and even some of his blood on her. He just needed to hold her, feel her in his arms and know for sure that she was fine. She was holding onto him just as hard, clenching at his vest like she was holding on for dear life. He pulled away to study her face, tangling his hand in her hair and scanning her face.

"I'm okay Jay," she reassured him, joining her hand to his that was in her hair. "I'm fine." He looked down at the bandage that was now covering her arm. "It's just a scratch. Barely a flesh wound," she told him. "I don't even need stitches." He couldn't speak, no words would come to him so he did what he could do, he rested his forehead against hers, breathing her in, letting her shallow breaths comfort him and let him know that she was there.

That moment of consolation was cut short when Voight returned and ordered Jay to get his own injuries checked out. "I'm fine," he tried to refuse.

"You already disobeyed my orders once already Halstead," Voight barked, anger clear on his face. "Don't make it twice. Go get yourself checked out and get back to the precinct." Voight left little room for negotiation and Jay felt himself being pulled over to the other ambulance by Olinsky, Erin giving him a smile as he was pulled away from her.

* * *

Olinsky stayed with Jay while he got a couple of butterfly stitches on the cuts he obtained during the fight and afterwards, the older man drove them back to the station. Jay was grateful that if it was anyone, it was Olinsky that decided to stay with him because somehow, the man just knew when to talk and just when Jay needed silence.

Back in the bullpen, Jay braced himself as he knew he was about to face the wrath of Voight's anger for disobeying his orders. The team was already back at their desk, their faces tense even though they had just captured the culprit behind all the murders. It was as though they were waiting for the showdown between Jay and Voight to begin.

"What the fuck were you thinking Halstead?!" Voight erupted before Jay could barely sit down at his desk.

Jay was ready to fight back, the anger that had been simmering all day still remaining. "Was I supposed to wait until he stabbed Erin before we made a move?"

Voight slammed his hand down loudly on Jay's desk, the detective not flinching at the sound. "What you were supposed to do was to follow my order and stay put until I told you it was time to breach. Do you realize what you could've done when you lost your mind and went in? You jeopardized the whole case. You were lucky that we got a confession anyway from Lou!"

"Hank," Erin called out, trying to calm both men down.

Voight redirected his anger towards Erin. "You two! I warned you two about in-house relationships and how it would affect your work. But you guys promised me that it wouldn't. I knew better but I didn't listen to myself. Now look at it." He pointed at Jay. "Your boyfriend could've lost us the case because he wanted to play hero."

"Hank, that's not fair!" Erin argued. "We've never let our relationship affect our work."

"Then what do you call today?"

"I call today not wanting Erin to die," Jay spat, standing up. "I call that putting her life ahead of a case, not because she's my girlfriend but because she's a detective, a member of our team." Jay couldn't hold his own anger back, surging him on. "You were willing to leave her in there with him, knowing that he had a weapon and she didn't! You might've been able to stand by and wait until she was stabbed or worse, killed but I wasn't. If that makes me unprofessional then fuck yeah, I'm fucking unprofessional! But I wasn't going to let another person die under his hands!"

"Jay!" Erin called, trying to calm him down so they wouldn't escalate the situation between them. "Let's just all calm down okay? All of us. We got the confession, Lou is in our custody. Everything turned out the way it should."

"Oh?" Voight returned, mockingly. "Am I supposed to celebrate my detective not following my order? Or that your relationship almost cost us the case?"

Jay had enough. "What do you want from me here Voight?" Jay fumed. "You want me to quit? Leave this unit? Break up with Erin just so I can stay and you can finally get what you wanted all along? You want my badge?"

"Jay!"

Voight sucked in his breath, trying to reign in his anger. "Get out of here Halstead," Voight ordered, pointing towards the stairs. "Leave before you say something you can't take back. It's obvious you're not in the right state of mind to do your job. I'm giving you a chance here. Take the day off. Get your head right before you come back."

Jay scoffed, looking over at Erin. She nodded, agreeing with Voight. "Unbelievable," Jay muttered and he stalked out of the room, forcefully grabbing his jacket from the back of his chair and he stomped down the stairs, still fuming.

* * *

"Jay!"

"Father Mulligan." The priest sat down next to Jay in the pew. "How are you?"

"Good as can be under the circumstance," the priest replied. "I'm sure you heard about one of our parishioners, Lissa Egan?" Jay nodded, looking down. "We're preparing a funeral arrangement for her. She didn't have family in the area so the parishioners are doing what they can to help out. Poor soul."

"That's good. That's great actually," Jay said. He hadn't even had time to think about properly burying Lissa. She had no one in her life that could do it so he was grateful that the Church was stepping in for her. "I want to help in any way I can."

"Thank you Jay."

That was how Jay found himself putting up flower arrangements at the end of each pew, preparing for the funeral services for Lissa the next day. He had to admit, shifting his focus into something else had done wonders to quell his anger down. He could almost forget about his earlier fight with Voight. He knew Erin would be worried, wondering where he was by now and would have probably already called him but he needed this time. He didn't like who he was earlier, it reminded him too much of how he was when he first came home, taking his anger out on people. She deserved better than to get that side of him so he needed the time to get himself right, like Voight said.

"Jay?" He turned around when he heard his name being called, arching his brow in surprise when he saw Brianna made her way towards him. "Hi," she smiled, pulling him into a hug. "How have you been? It's been a long while since I've seen you."

Jay was surprised to see his former boss there, wondering why she was there. "Hi," he responded. "What are you doing here?"

"One of my employees heard about Lissa and she goes to this Church. Told me that they were having a service for her so I just wanted to come down and make a donation toward the services." Jay nodded, accepting Brianna's answer. "Although," Brianna said, reaching over to hold Jay's hands. "I have to admit, I was hoping I'd see you at the service too. But I guess I'm lucky and found you here today."

Jay didn't know what to respond, always finding it uncomfortable whenever he got hit on by her.

"Listen Jay, I know you and Terry were friends so this must be difficult for you." Jay nodded, wanting to steer the conversation back on safe grounds. "I feel so bad for their son. What was his name again?"

"Jordan," Jay replied, pulling his hand out of Brianna's.

"Jordan," Brianna repeated. "I um...I always wanted to reach out to Lissa, offer help but I never got around to it. It's a regret of mine." Jay nodded, understanding her feelings. "I want to help Jordan out too. I was thinking about maybe setting up a college fund or something for him. Give him some financial security for his future. I just feel so terrible for him."

"I'm sure he could really use that." Brianna smiled as she watched Jay put on the last flower arrangement.

"Hey," she called him, biting her lips. "If you're done here, maybe we could get a drink? It'd be great to catch up and I don't know..I could really use someone to talk to about everything?" Jay sighed, thinking. "Just a friendly drink?"

Jay nodded. "I still have a few things to finish up around here but drinks sounds good."

Brianna smiled, finally getting the answer she wanted. "Great. I'll see you later then?"

"I'll see you."

* * *

"Everything went well for the first session," Erin smiled, happy for Tara and the first successful session she had with Ewan. "Now a few more and we can talk about you flying over to New York and continuing your sessions over there with me."

"Thank you doc," Tara said, patting Ewan's hands gratefully. "I look forward to more sessions."

Erin leaned down to hug Tara goodbye and she followed Ewan out of the room.

"Thanks Ewan, for everything you're doing for Tara. I really appreciate it."

Ewan smiled, waving Erin's thank you off. "I do what I can. Anything for you, you know that." Erin didn't reply, just smiling back. "So it's my first night in Chicago and if I recall correctly, the last time I was here someone offered to take me out and show me the city properly. I think it's time to collect on that offer."

Erin hesitated, too occupied with Jay to go out with Ewan. "Oh umm…"

"Oh come one," Ewan whined. "I'm only in town for a couple of days." He paused. "Is it because of your boyfriend? Does he have a problem with us hanging out?"

"No." Erin shook her head. "No, he trusts me and knows that you and me are just friends. It's just..we had a pretty hard case today."

"All the more reasons to go out and have some fun then. Come on. He can come out with us too."

Erin sighed, giving in. She did owe Ewan this. "Fine, just let me call him."

She stepped aside and called Jay, immediately getting his voicemail like she had been the whole day. She was worried and anxious of where he was now, knowing that he wasn't home when she swung by earlier.

"Well?" Ewan asked when she made her way back over to him.

"He's not picking up his phone."

Ewan put his arms around Erin. "I'm sure he's okay. His phone probably died or something. Why don't we go get dinner then maybe when your boyfriend finally picks up his phone later, he can join us?"

Erin sighed, giving in. "Let's go to dinner."


	33. Chapter 33

Chapter 33

Jay felt wrong being here; he felt the pull to just get back in his car and leave right away. But he urged on, ignoring that heavy feeling of dread in his chest. He knew what Brianna's intentions with him were. Knew it from the moment he started working for her years ago and she made it her mission to let him know just how open her office was. He ignored her attempts to hit on him back then because he didn't really know how else to react and because he needed the money and the job paid well. He had plans back then— plans that involved him and Erin moving in together to a condo— and the only way he was going to get there before he turned 50 on a detective's salary was to work the side job that paid really well.

He hadn't seen Brianna since he quit his job— having no reason to see her. So he was surprised when he did run into her at Church. It seemed as though for some reason, she was still fixated on him, telling him that she was hoping to see him. Again, he didn't really know what to do. He had never been so openly hit on before, didn't know what was the line between respectfully rebuffing her advances vs. being rude. She wasn't a bad person, seemed generous enough to offer to start a college fund for Jordan.

He opened the door, stepping into the dimly lit bar and looked around for Brianna. He knew Erin must be wondering what was going on right now but as hard as it was, he had to push her out of his mind. Otherwise he would never be able to do what he was about to do. He finally spotted Brianna at the back corner of the bar, sipping on a glass of wine. The table she had chosen was secluded from the rest of the chatters in the busy front of the establishment. She noticed his arrival and waved to him, a big smile greeting him as she stood up to give him a hug.

"Thank you for coming Jay," she said, squeezing his arm. Jay just nodded, gesturing her to take her seat so he could sit down. She was still smiling. "I got to say, I wasn't sure you were going to show."

"I told you I would."

She let out a soft laugh, looking down. "I know. But you've turned down my offers for dinners and drinks before. I guess I just wasn't expecting you to accept it." She reached over to hold his hand that was resting on the table. "But I'm glad you came," she said, dropping her voice to make it sound more flirtatious. "I could use someone to talk to about everything."

Jay's lips formed into a tight smile as he removed his hand from the table, out of her grasp. "Yeah, everything that happened with Terry and his family, it's horrible." Jay felt so much guilt about the whole thing. If he had just stopped Terry from stepping out from behind the car, if he had just checked in on his wife and son more, if he...if he...if he.. So many ifs were running through his mind. But it was too late. Too late to save Terry. Too late to save Lissa. But he could still do this for Jordan. He had to.

"I really liked Terry and from the couple of times that I met Lissa, she seemed very nice," Brianna replied, "I've never had security guys that were as good as you two. Still haven't been able to find ones that can fill your shoes properly."

"I can get you some names. Get you names of good cops that would do a good job," Jay offered, even though he thought he had already referred who he felt were solid guys for the job to her.

"Actually, maybe the reason why no one was able to fill your shoes is because they're just not you," Brianna replied coyly. "Have you ever thought about coming back? I can make it worth your while?" she said in a tone that made it obvious that she was talking about more than just money.

Jay didn't need a second to decline her offer. There was no way he was going back to that job. Heck, he didn't even want to take that job in the first place— the concept of working in a dispensary while he was a cop and had arrested people for possession of weed felt wrong. Sure he knew the laws and the times had changed and that weed was technically legal now but he still didn't feel right. Erin had joked about it with him before, him and his ability to be uptight. And she certainly had her fun with checking to see if he got secondhand high from the pot smoke whenever he got off work.

Jay shook his head, giving Brianna an apologetic look. "No. I'm not coming back."

Her face fell but she quickly recovered. "Oh, that's okay." She pursed her lips together. "Maybe then this will give us a chance to get to know each other better in other ways, outside of a working relationship. I have a really easy time talking to you Jay. You're nothing like any other guys I've met. You're special."

"I don't think I am," Jay replied.

"Oh you don't know just how special you are," Brianna said, interjecting him. "That just makes you somehow even more better. You're amazing. I'm just glad that we can be out together and just talk."

Jay saw his opening. "Yeah I'm happy that we can talk," he started. "I wanted to continue what we were talking about earlier in Church today."

Brianna gave him a confused look. "Um sure. What was it?"

"Your offer to start the college fund for Jordan. That's still on the table?"

"Of course!" Brianna replied. "I just feel bad that I dropped the ball with Lissa after promising to help her out financially."

"Yeah I think we all dropped the ball there," Jay said, the guilt taking over again. But he shook his thoughts away, needing to focus on getting this done and right things for Jordan. "But I think we can at least make things right for Jordan."

"Of course. Anything he needs. College fund. Private school tuition. Anything. Poor kid is probably going into foster care right?" Jay nodded. "Well I can at least cover his education."

"That's really great." Jay stood up and pulled out a piece of paper he had folded in his pants. "I've talked to a banker friend of mine today before I came here and asked him for help. See what kind of saving plan he recommends for Jordan that's safe and reliable. He printed me out some options."

"Oh," Brianna chuckled, taking a look at the paper Jay had prepared. "I wasn't expecting this."

"Yeah, I figured the sooner we can do this, the better it would be for Jordan. My friend, his name is Jake and he works at Chicago Municipal Bank. I've told him that you'd get in contact with him and come up with a good plan for Jordan so he's expecting your call," Jay explained, standing up to leave. "I'll get you the info on where Jordan's going when I get it but I really appreciate you doing this for him."

Brianna looked flustered at the unexpected turn in the conversation. "Yeah," she uttered out. "You're leaving?"

Jay nodded. "Brianna, thank you for doing this for Jordan. Really." He gave her a smile, knowing that was all he could give her. "I'm gonna go. I'll see you at Church tomorrow for the service."

"Jay," Brianna called out, standing up from her seat. "I just...you sure you don't want to stay for a drink? We could talk?"

Jay shook his head. "I can't. I'm sorry." With that he turned and left the bar.

He took in a deep breath, letting the air into his lungs. He stuffed his hands in his pants pocket and headed back towards his car. He knew he had led Brianna on, made her think that tonight was about something more than just giving her a number to get Jordan's college fund started. But that was all he wanted to do. He knew he wouldn't be able to be at peace without knowing that at least this was done for Jordan. Poor Jordan who had lost both of his parents before the age of 4. At the very least, this would be one less worry on his plate. He felt bad about making Brianna think it was something more but he knew if he hadn't there was a big chance that her offer would never come to fruition. And he couldn't fail Jordan again.

He opened his car door and sat down, his hands clenching the steering wheel until his knuckles turned white. He was lost in his thoughts, drowning in his guilt. There was a storm raging in his head, everything that had happened recently pouring down like hail— hard and violent and had the power for complete destruction.

"You okay?"

He turned as soon as he heard her voice, Erin sitting in the passenger seat of his car, looking at him with so much concern, so much love in her eyes that all he could do was reach over and pull her into him, holding onto her like she was his lifeline. He clutched her to him, not being able to let her go, selfishly taking all the comfort and solace she gave him. He buried his head in the crevice of her neck, not caring if she could feel his tears wetting her skin. He felt safe there, felt safe enough to fall apart in her arms and in her embrace and trusted her enough to know she would never let him go. And just like that, with her shushing soothing noises in his ears and her hands caressing his back slowly yet surely, she broke through the dark storm clouds, she was his own sun shining through his darkness.

He didn't know how long they stayed like that, Jay still clutching onto her like if he didn't, he'd crumble and Erin holding him up as best she could, soothing him with her kisses and her presence. She ran her fingers through his hair until he felt stable enough to pull apart. She kept him close though, keeping him just a few inches apart and regarded him with a look of pure love in her hazel eyes— so beautiful that he could drown in them forever.

"You okay?" she asked him again, running her fingers on his jaw. He nodded, covering her hand that was now resting on his cheek with his own, turning his head slightly to give it a fleeting kiss.

"Yeah." His voice sounded rough even to his own ears but that was all he could manage right now. "I'm okay." Whether or not she believed him, he didn't know but judging by the way she was unable to pull apart from him told him that maybe he hadn't done a good enough job to convince her that he was alright. Not that he minded, he didn't want to be apart from her right now either.

Her fingers were doing their usual magic on his skin, Jay closing his eyes at the sensation. She was just what he needed, right now and forever. Just her mere presence brought him so much peace and she calmed him down in ways that he couldn't even describe.

"Thank you," he voiced, feeling so grateful that she was here with him right now.

"You don't even need to thank me for this Jay," she returned. "Ever. I'm here. Whenever and wherever you need me, I'm here." Jay just buried his face in her neck again, letting her scent just soothe him and let her drown out the noises in his head. "Let's go home?" Erin asked after a while and Jay had calmed down. He pulled away and rested their foreheads together, like he couldn't bear to not have him be in contact with some part of her. But a shower sounded good to him and the cuts that he acquired during his scuffle with Lou needed to be cleaned.

"Yeah, let's go home."

* * *

Jay stared at himself in the mirror in the bathroom, he assessed the cut that spanned his forehead and the bruises that littered his chest. He was numb to it all. Instead he felt himself slipping. Slipping into that dark hole that was his memories. He thought he had worked through them. That the group meetings that he forced himself to go had worked but he felt that darkness pulling him again. He clenched his eyes shut tight, like he was willing himself to be fine. He had to be fine. He couldn't go back to that place again. He had a lot to lose if he did.

He balled his fists, trying to take in one shuddering breath after another but he felt his throat get tighter and tighter. He couldn't get enough oxygen, no matter how hard he tried. His knuckles were now white as he clenched the counter, his body trembling. He couldn't have a panic attack, not right now. Not again. Not after everything. He inhaled and exhaled like he was taught to in group and his eyes still remained closed, trying to block everything out. Just breath in, breathe out.

He felt a soft touch on his chest and he didn't need to open his eyes to know that it was Erin. She stood behind him, one hand around his waist and the other on his chest.

"Breathe Jay," she instructed as her hand rubbed his bare chest in soothing motions. "Just breathe." He followed her lead, letting her touch hold him down and ground him. It worked as he felt himself climb out of that hole little by little. He finally opened his eyes and met Erin's gaze in the mirror. She laid a kiss on his shoulder and both of her arms wound around his waist, tethering herself to him. He held onto her hand, leaning against her, letting her hold him up. He was utterly exhausted like all the energy he had was now drained from acting like he was okay all day. He wasn't.

"Come on," Erin's voice urged him, her breaking her hold on him so she can shed his clothes. So gentle. Like he was fragile. One wrong move and he would break. She removed her own clothes and led him to the shower, Jay stepping into the space and let the hot water wash over him. The water stung his cut yet somehow alleviated his aching bruises simultaneously. Erin was standing behind again, her chest to his back and her arms around him. She reached for the soap and started to wash the sweat and grime of the horrible day off of him. The water washed away the suds, letting it swirl down the drain. She peppered kisses on his shoulder then his back and she held him tighter.

He couldn't take it anymore, he needed to look at her so he turned around and pulled her against her, their wet and pliant bodies up against each other. The hot water washed over them both, getting into their eyes but he saw her so clearly in his eyes. Saw the look of love and determination she had in her eyes, saw that she was going to do whatever it took to piece him back together, she was dead set on being his protector. Well, he was completely defenseless against her so he backed them up so she was against the wall of the shower and he held her so tight, needing her to be his wall. Erin didn't complain, instead she just tightened her own arms around him even more, letting him know with her kisses instead of words that she was there for him. Always.

And they stayed in that position until the hot water turned warm then cool.

* * *

The shower was just what he needed. He felt more on stable ground after Erin had dried him off, handed him a pair of p.j pants and led him to their bed while she put on one of his t-shirts. She joined him in bed minutes later, holding a first aid kit and she settled him so he was resting against the headboard and Erin straddled him, careful so she wasn't putting her full weight onto him.

"Let me?" she asked for permission and Jay nodded, unable to say no to her. Erin concentrated on cleaning the cut on his forehead, putting some healing gel on it to help it heal faster. He gave her a grateful smile as she put away the items and set them on the nightstand next to the bed. She was still straddling him, not that he wanted her to move, and she leaned forward and held his head in her hand and brought her lips to his forehead. She placed a tender kiss on his forehead, minding of the cut, and let her lips lingered on his skin. He met her hands that were holding his head and he held onto her, his breath hitching at being taken care of like this.

"Thank you," he finally voiced, those two words seemed not nearly enough to encompass the love and the gratitude he felt towards Erin. For her being here like this for him.

"Always," was her response as their foreheads rested against each other, their breaths mixing in the small space.

A little while later, she was lying next to him, his arms acting as her pillows and her legs wound in between his. They were both staring up at the ceiling, comfortable silence between them as they remained in their thoughts. Instead they let their fingers do their talking, Erin's stroking his chest and his playing with the ends of her hair.

"I'm sorry," Jay broke the silence. Erin turned her head so she could look up at him from her position in his arms, giving him a questioning look about his apology. "For making you miss your dinner with Ewan." Jay knew she was with Tara tonight and that Ewan was there. He had received her message and voicemail about going out to dinner with Ewan but he had selfishly called her to his side instead, needing her to be there waiting as he met with Brianna. Erin accepted without any hesitation, cancelling her own plans with Ewan.

"Don't be," Erin said, scooting herself closer to him. "I'd rather be here than anywhere else. I'm just happy that I can be here for you."

He dropped a kiss on her forehead and closed his eyes, not knowing just how he got so lucky to have this amazing woman by his side. Lord knew he made a ton of mistakes, done things no man should have ever done, had seen things that a normal person should never see. His hands weren't clean, he had blood of too many lives on his hands. Yet somehow the universe had somehow made a mistake and had looked the other way and had given him Erin.

Whatever mistake the universe had made, Jay wouldn't make his. He wouldn't repeat the mistakes of the past and lose her again. He needed to fight and push away the dark clouds in his mind. He would.

* * *

Erin held Jay's hand as they made their way into the Church for Lissa's service. The last time she was here had been for Terry's funeral and there was something so sad about the fact that now she was here for his wife. She spied Jordan sitting in the front pew, next to the social worker they met at the precinct. Her heart went out for him, that poor boy. She knew Jay had spotted Jordan too when she felt his hand clutched her tighter.

She looked up at him and saw his eyes glued to Jordan, a storm brewing in his eyes. She wanted to take away that look in his eyes— the eyes that were normally bright with a glint of mischief. Eyes that regarded her with nothing but love and affection when they made love. Eyes that watched her back on and off the job everyday. This look of heartbreak and grief just didn't look right.

She had been surprised when she got the call from Jay last night just as she was about to leave for dinner with Ewan. Jay had reached out to her, wanting her to be there when he went to meet with Brianna. She was just so glad and so grateful that Jay had reached out to her, that he wasn't pushing her away when he was struggling. That they had made enough progress to stop pushing each other away and started leaning on each other during tough times.

The service had been touching. Even though Lissa didn't have family in the area, she had made enough of a good impression on the parishioners of the Church that they had nice things to say and the speeches had been touching. Jay hadn't let go of her hand through the entire service and once again, she was reminded of the last time. Only this time, she didn't feel helpless as she had been the last time as she sat next to Jay, seeing the turmoil that radiated off of him, unable to do anything to ease it.

"Thank you for being here," Jay said again as the service had finished and they stayed behind to talk to the social worker about Jordan.

"Thank you for letting me be here," Erin returned. Jay gave her a small smile, not quite reaching his eyes as he caught her lips.

"I'm gonna go talk to the social worker for a bit, tell her about the college fund." Erin loosened the hold she had on Jay as he made his way over to the little boy.

"Detective Lindsay." Erin turned when she heard her name being called and came face to face with Brianna. Erin braced herself for the interaction, not knowing how she felt toward the woman. Erin had been surprised when Jay said he was meeting Brianna, not knowing how the woman had resurfaced back into their lives but he explained that she wanted to be there for Lissa. Though as Erin caught Brianna eyeing Jay's back, it was more than clear that the only person Brianna really wanted to be there for was Jay.

Not that it was new information or anything. It was apparent that the woman had a crush on Jay ever since Erin first learned about her. Erin chuckled to herself when she recalled Voight coming to her with concerns about Jay and Brianna after he saw them when Intelligence worked Terry's case. She wasn't worried then and she wasn't worried now. She trusted Jay completely and knew that he would never cheat on her.

"Brianna," Erin tried to return a smile at the woman. Just because she wasn't worried about Jay didn't mean that she wasn't annoyed by the woman's pursuit of her boyfriend.

"I see that you and Jay are together," Brianna said, a tight smile on her face. "I guess you're the person he was talking about when he said he had someone waiting for him." Erin just nodded, not really feeling the need to explain her relationship with Jay further. "You're a lucky woman."

"Thanks. I am." Brianna turned her eyes to Jay who was kneeling on the ground to talk to Jordan. Erin followed her eyesight and immediately a smile overtook her face at seeing Jay interact with Jordan, pulling him into a hug. He was such a great man. "I'm very lucky," Erin voiced, her eyes softening.

"You better hold onto him Detective. A guy like Jay doesn't come around often. Trust me, I know." Brianna turned to leave.

"Wait Brianna," Erin called, Brianna turning back around. "I just wanted to say thank you for what you're doing for Jordan. It's an amazing gesture and I can't begin to say how much we appreciate it."

"Sure," Brianna replied. "Hey, maybe you can do me a favor then." Erin nodded, wondering what Brianna wanted. "Maybe you can convince Jay to come back to work for me? I tried to convince him but he turned me down." _In more ways than one. _Erin thought to herself, keeping the pleasant smile on her face. "But he's amazing and I could really use his…..expertise. Besides it's always nice to have someone like him in the office, someone that you can talk to."

Erin tilted her head. "If Jay already said no then there's no changing his mind. He's not fickle like that," Erin replied, hoping Brianna would get the hint that Jay wasn't the type that was easily swayed.

"I'm sure if you're the one convincing him, he'll change his mind. I can make it worth both of your while." Erin could scoff at how brazen Brianna was being.

"You know Brianna, I think Jay has made his decision. But he knows that the offer is on the table." With that Erin just turned and left, not needing to hear anything more of Brianna's thinly veiled attempts at Jay.

She joined Jay, smiling down at Jordan. "Hi Jordan." The little boy was shy and quiet, not knowing what was going on and that it was the funeral for his mother.

"We got to get back to the home," his social worker said, holding Jordan's hands. "Say bye Jordan."

"Bye," Erin bent down to hug Jordan. "You're going to be alright. We'll make sure of it."

She got back up onto her feet and immediately Jay's arms found their home around her, pulling her to him. They watched as Jordan left the Church, Jay kissing the side of her head.

"He'll be okay Jay," Erin reassured him. "We'll be there for him." He nodded, meeting her lips in a kiss.

* * *

It was still early evening but the events of the day had taken everything out of them. So they had settled on the couch, Jay leaning back against the arm of the couch while Erin laid in between his legs, his arms around her holding her in place.

"I'm glad you were there today," Jay said, kissing the back of her head. "I don't know how I would've gotten through the past few days if it wasn't for you."

She turned her head slightly so she could see him. "I told you Jay, I don't need a thank you. I'm just happy to be there for you." He nodded, leaning forward to kiss her cheeks.

He sighed, leaning his head against her neck. "I'm worried about Jordan."

"I know," she caressed his arms that was around her gently. "I know you're worried about Jordan going in a foster care and honestly I am too." She bit her lips, debating whether or not she should tell him before everything was confirmed just in case things go wrong. But Jay looked like he needed some good news. She got up and shifted in his arms so she was facing him. "I kinda did something."

He quirked his brows. "What something did you do?"

She placed her hands on his chest, spreading her palm out. "I know how worried you were about Jordan and his placement. I talked to his social worker about us taking him in temporarily." Jay's eyes widened at that.

"Yeah?"

"But she said since we're not related to him we couldn't. Not without a very lengthy custody battle." Jay's face dropped at that. "So me and Platt, we've been searching high and low for a family member of either Terry's or Lissa's that could take Jordan in. At least he'd be with family. And last night before I left the district, we heard back from Terry's cousin."

"His cousin?"

"She lives in California and her mom was married to Terry's uncle but they divorced. But she and Terry grew up together and they were very close. But because of the divorce, she probably wasn't on the record for being Terry's family. She has a little girl of her own and she's married and she said she wants nothing more than to take Jordan and raise him."

Jay's eyes teared up, his hand coming up to cup her face. "Yeah?"

Erin nodded. "His social worker is getting the paperworks on Monday and nothing's been set 100% yet but really there should be nothing stopping her from getting Jordan. She's in a stable marriage, she's financially secure and she loves Terry so she loves Jordan."

"That's amazing Erin," Jay breathed out. "I'm….I'm speechless."

"I think this would be the best option for Jordan." Jay nodded, agreeing with her.

"I can't believe you did all this." Jay gazed at her in awe. "You're...just the most amazing person I know." Erin smiled. She was just glad that she could put Jay's mind at ease a little bit. "I love you. So damn much."

"I love you too," she returned, smiling as she leaned in to kiss him. He deepened the kiss immediately, his arms wounding around her back and lifting her up. She rested her palms on his chest, balancing herself on him as he sucked on her tongue, Erin moaning at the feeling.

"Thank you," Jay voiced as he stroked her face, staring into her eyes. "For everything. I'm so lucky to have you."

"You'll have me always." Jay's eyes brightened as he flipped her over, both of them connecting in the most intimate and passionate way.

* * *

"So I was thinking I should start going to the group again." Erin whipped her head up from her morning coffee, meeting Jay's apprehensive eyes over the dining table.

"Yeah?" Erin schooled her voice, not letting him hear the questions she had in her mind. On one hand, she was glad that Jay was seeking out help. She wanted Jay to be happy and demon-free and if the group meetings helped then she wanted him to go. On the other, she couldn't help but think of the last time. The reason why Jay had started going to the meetings in the first place and how he had asked for space. How he had left. She knew it was probably silly to worry but the thought of losing Jay and being apart from him scared her to death.

"Yeah, I think it's a good idea. Get my head and my mind right."

Erin just nodded, trying to seem supportive. She was. She was just also scared.

"Jay, I'm here for you. Anything and everything. If you want to go to the group meetings then you should. If you….if you need space.."

Jay frowned. "Space?" he asked, confusion coloring his voice. "What do you mean?"

"It's just...last time…"

"Erin," Jay stood up and came over to the side of the table. He sat down on the chair next to her and lifted Erin and placed her on his lap. "What's on your mind?"

Erin shrugged. "It's stupid of me. I'm just thinking back to the last time…"

"When I moved out?" Erin nodded. Jay rested his head on her shoulder. "I know I hurt you then."

"Jay," Erin shook her head. She wasn't blaming him. "It's okay."

"No, I know I did," Jay continued on. "But I was a mess back then. I just...I couldn't let you see that part of me. I wanted to be strong for you and not let you see me as being weak."

"Jay you're the strongest man I know."

"I know better now. That asking for help isn't weak. That letting the people I love in isn't weak. You're my strength Erin. I'm the strongest and happiest with you here, next to me."

"Me too." Jay grinned, the corner of his eyes crinkling.

Their lips met in a tender kiss. He held her hand and played with her fingers, lacing them together with his.

"Me and You. Forever," Jay whispered, leaning his head against hers.

"Me and You Forever," Erin echoed, holding the promise in her heart as she was lifted and carried to their bedroom. "Always," she whispered into his neck.

* * *

A month had gone by and Erin felt that things were going back to normal again. Work had been going well. The cases were still demanding but at least they could distance themselves from them. And things at home were even better.

She was just so proud of Jay. He had been going to the group meetings weekly and she saw just how much it was helping him. He seemed lighter, more together and overall looked like his load had gotten considerably lighter. That was all she wanted for him.

He had even given her the best gift she had ever gotten in her life. He had given her an invitation to join him in his next meeting. He was letting her in completely and she was just so touched and so honored.

So here she was, pushing her grocery cart along the aisles of the supermarket. She wanted to make Jay a nice dinner and surprise him. She had even left work early to get the ingredients and finish cooking so the candlelit dinner would be ready by the time he got back from his meeting.

She was deciding on what kind of dessert she wanted— chocolate lava cake (Jay's favorite) or tiramisu (their favorite) when she heard the last voice she wanted to hear, calling her name.

"Erin is that you?" Erin shut her eyes, hoping that the voice was just in her head. "Erin!" She sighed, knowing that whenever that voice got that screechy, it was impossible to avoid it.

She turned around, despite not wanting to and met the familiar eyes looking at her like she was a ghost.

"Hi mom."


	34. Chapter 34

I'm sorry for not updating this story in a while but I haven't abandoned it yet! So I hope this is worth the wait!

* * *

Chapter 34

"Well, do I not get a hug?" Erin just pursed her lips and reluctantly stepped forward, giving her mom a half-hearted hug. It was short and quick, Erin pulling away and intending to get out of there as fast as possible before Bunny can pull her into a conversation.

"Okay. I got to go."

Bunny scoffed, pulling on Erin's arms to get her to stop. "Wait a minute. That's it?"

Erin shook off Bunny's hand and crossed her arms in a defensive stance. "What else is there?"

"How about nice to see you mom, how have you been mom, I was going to call you to tell you that I'm back in town mom?" Bunny prattled on, sounding unapologetically indignant. As if she didn't know why Erin wasn't exactly thrilled to see her mother.

"How about I really don't have time to talk and it was great to see you?"

"Wait wait wait," Bunny shouted as she grabbed Erin again. "At least tell me if you're back for good? Did you move back to Chicago? How long have you been in town? What about your big fancy FBI job?"

Erin was getting a headache not even five minutes in Bunny's presence. She knew she'd eventually run into her mother but she had been having such good luck of avoiding Bunny for the past seven months that she had forgotten about the snake in the water lurking around, ready to jump out and bite her at any time. Only this snake was Bunny and her venom was far more poisonous than any viper in the world.

"I'm not back," Erin lied. There was no way in hell she was going to let Bunny know that she had moved back. "I'm just here for a quick trip."

"Well, that's disappointing. I have missed you so much, honey." Bunny's eyes landed on Erin's cart and saw the nice steaks and bottle of wine she had gotten for her romantic dinner with Jay. "Looks like you're having a nice dinner. Perhaps with Jay? Are you two back together?"

Erin moved the cart behind her to pull it out of Bunny's eyesight and shook her head. "No," she lied again. If Bunny finding out that Erin was back in Chicago was the last thing Erin wanted, then Bunny finding out that she was back with Jay would be second last thing. Bunny just had this way of injecting chaos and poison into Erin's life and her relationship with Jay was the best thing in her life and Erin was determined to fiercely protect it at all costs. Especially against Bunny's toxicity. "Really mom, I have to go."

Erin didn't want to wait to hear what else Bunny had to say and she just started to leave, pushing her cart.

"Erin, your father is back." Erin stopped in her tracks and whipped her head around.

"What?"

"Your father, he's back in the picture and I know he wants to see you again."

Erin's lips snarled in anger. "Yeah? He does? Am I going to get my baby pictures thrown back in my face when he accuses me of scamming him or is this going to go differently this time?"

"It's not Jimmy this time," Bunny explained, closing her eyes and dismissing Erin. "And I'm sorry for what happened last time with Jimmy but you know darling that I wasn't scamming him or you. I really thought Jimmy was your father!"

"And now you're sure that whoever this new guy is, he's my father?"

"Considering there were only two guys I was with when I got pregnant with you, yeah. I wanted Jimmy to be the father because well….he was the better option of the two but now that we know that Jimmy isn't your father, thank you very much Jay," Bunny said, sarcastically.

"Don't blame Jay for what you did!" Erin snapped. Erin knew Jay had his heart in the right place when he insisted on testing Jimmy's DNA. Even if Erin didn't appreciate it at the time and had unfairly lashed out at him with her hurt and disappointment. He had taken it in stride back then, her unfair treatment towards him forgotten in favor of taking care of her. She felt awful for what happened and how she treated Jay during that time when all he wanted was to protect her, to stop her from falling too far into a fantasy that wasn't real and had the worlds of potential to destroy her. Erin knew better now.

Bunny had this look in her face like she caught Erin in something. That Erin might care more about her supposedly ex-boyfriend than she was letting on. Erin schooled her face and calmed herself down, not wanting to give anything else about her current life away.

"Fine," Bunny relented. "As I was saying, now that we know Jimmy isn't the father then there is only one other option. His name is David and he came back to town last year and we've….reconciled. I told him about you Erin and he wants to see you. I would've called and told you as soon as he did but you cut me off."

Erin shook her head, her head unable to fully process everything Bunny was telling her. All she wanted to do was to get out of there and go home to her safe place. "I….I don't care," Erin said. "I'm tired, Bunny. Of everything. I'm over wanting to know who my dad is. I've done just fine for over 30 years without him and I'll be fine without him for the rest of my life."

"He's your father, Erin. He's your blood. I know that you still have that foolish notion of Hank being your father but he's not blood."

"Mom, I can't even be sure that David is my blood," Erin stated. There was no way for Erin to know if Bunny was being truthful or if it was just another one of her many lies. And at this point, Erin didn't care. She just wanted to get away. "And whether he is or not, I don't care. You don't like Hank and that's your problem. But he is the only father figure that I've known. And all the times that he had been there for me and watched out for me? That runs thicker than any blood."

Bunny scoffed, rolling her eyes. "You still have on your blinders when it comes to Voight."

"Maybe. But I sure as hell don't have them on anymore when it comes to you." Erin stared Bunny down. "I cut you off for a reason. I'm the reason why you're not in jail. Remember that? All I'm asking from you is to leave me alone. Do this for me, for once in your life Bunny."

"You're my daughter Erin!" Bunny yelled, chasing after Erin. "That's not going to change. I'm always going to be your mother."

Erin didn't bother replying, knowing that there was no point. Bunny was hard headed as they came and Erin would just be wasting her breath and her time in trying to have a decent conversation with her or expecting Bunny to put her first and respect her wish for once. She left the cart and the items she picked out for dinner in the aisle, making a quick escape.

* * *

In the end, she ended up having to go to a completely different store for the ingredients she needed for her dinner and ran back home to cook it so she'd be done before Jay got back. She was still determined to surprise him, Bunny and her unexpected run-in be damned. She rushed home and got the steaks cooking and the lava cake on stand-by. She wasn't an expert in the kitchen to say the least but she had somehow managed to pick up a few tricks from Voight— although not as much as he would've liked— to cook the steaks to just how Jay liked it.

After the dinner was cooked and the table was set, she went into the bathroom to fix herself and change into a nice dress. She looked at her reflection in the mirror and told herself not to let Bunny inside her head. Tonight was for Jay and she wouldn't let Bunny and her words mess it up. She fixed her hair and changed into a dress and she went back into the kitchen. She smiled, satisfied when she finished with preparation, the food and the table set just the way she liked it. Jay had been through a lot these past few months and he had been working so hard and he deserved this. He deserved to know just how much she loved and appreciated him and this dinner was just a small way for her to show him just how important he was to her.

Jay's sense of impeccable timing reared its head again when he got back home just as she finished lighting the candles on the table.

"Erin?" he called out her name, unsure, when he came home to find that all the lights in the place were turned off except for the soft glow coming from the candlelights. "What…" Jay was at a loss for words as he took in the romantic set-up Erin had prepared for him. Erin grinned when she saw his reaction— just what she was hoping for. "What's all this?"

"You mean you forgot our anniversary?" Erin asked, her face in a faux serious frown. Jay's eyes snapped up from the table to her and Erin almost broke out in laughter at seeing his panic at the thought of forgetting their anniversary. "I"m just kidding, Jay." She giggled, not wanting to be mean.

Jay let out an exhale of relief but the confusion quickly returned to his face. "Then what's this for?"

"I just wanted to do something nice for you," Erin replied, coming around to where he stood and brought her arms around his waist, holding him in a loose hug. "I thought you deserved something special."

"Yeah?" Jay asked, the candlelight bouncing off his eyes, making them even shinier. "What have I done to deserve something this special?"

"You're you." Jay grinned and bent his head down to give her a thank you kiss. "Come on, let's eat before the food gets cold."

After Jay washed up, he joined her at the table, his mouth salivating when he saw the juicy steak waiting for him. "This looks so good, Erin." Erin looked pleased and sat down next to him, pouring him a glass of wine. Jay held up the glass, waiting for Erin's toast. "What are we drinking to?"

"To you," Erin voiced. "For being the most awesome person I know. For being strong and kind and for being the man I love." Jay's eyes lit up even more and he clinked his glass with hers.

"How about to us?" Jay asked, holding his glass out once more.

"To us."

They dug into the dinner and Erin beamed with happiness when Jay moaned out loud at the food. She wasn't super confident in her cooking skills so she was relieved when the food was not only edible but he actually seemed to enjoy it.

"Seriously, this is so good!" Jay groaned out in happiness as he happily chewed on his steak. "I've missed this. You always cooked the best steaks." Steaks were only some of the few things she had ever cooked for Jay. Usually he took care of dinner— either by ordering out or cooking— but once in a while, she would display her limited culinary skills, knowing that Jay was an ardent carnivorous. Actually, he was just a foodie in general. A big one.

"You should thank Voight for that," Erin said. "He was the one who tried to impart his wisdom on how to cook the perfect steak to me and Justin. I mean, we weren't really paying attention but he'd go on and on about it," Erin explained with a roll of her eyes but they both knew it was done out of fondness more than anything. "Maybe next time, we can go for a dinner at Hank's house. If you think my steak is good, wait til you taste his." Erin was just teasing, of course, and she got the reaction she wanted when Jay's eyes bulged out at the thought of dinner with Voight. She laughed, shaking her head. "I can't believe you're still scared of Voight."

Jay coughed and took a large sip of the wine. "I'm not scared of him," Jay refuted. "I'm just not at the whole 'dinner with my boss' stage."

"How about 'dinner with my girlfriend's dad' stage?" Erin shot back. She faltered a bit when she thought about the topic of father, Bunny's words about her real dad wanting to meet her coming to mind. She tried to push it out of her mind and not let it distract from her dinner. She gave Jay a small laugh at his retort despite not having really heard it.

"You alright?" Jay asked, softly stroking her hand with his thumb. "Where'd you go?"

Erin shook her head, smiling back at Jay. "Yeah I'm fine." He studied her for a while, gauging her expression. She pushed down her inner turmoil about the encounter with her mother earlier and her feelings of possibly meeting her dad and gave Jay a more reassuring smile. Jay just held her hands and laced their fingers together. She was glad that he wasn't pushing further because she wanted tonight to be about him. Nothing else.

After Jay had quickly polished off the food, she took out the lava cake that was warming in the oven. Jay's eyes brightened with excitement when he saw the chocolatey dream and he was pretty much salivating. "You got me a cake too?" Jay asked in awe. "Damn! This is better than my birthday."

Erin just hummed off-handedly while she went back for ice-cream. "I'd figure if we're going to break our diet, we might as well go all the way," Erin said as she scooped out the ice-cream for Jay, the frozen treat melting immediately when it touched the hot cake. "Who cares about getting a fat ass right?"

"I promise you Erin, I'd love you just as much if your ass gets bigger," Jay grinned as he squeezed her backside. Erin rolled her eyes, sarcastically mumbling under her breath about what a big sacrifice it was for him. Jay's chest rumbled with laughter and he stood up, catching Erin off guard when he lifted her up and carried her over the couch. Erin squealed with surprise as she was dropped on the couch and watched Jay walk back over to the table to grab their dessert plates and join her on the couch, plopping himself down next to her.

"Now, this is better," Jay commented as Erin leaned into his open arms. She balanced her plate on her lap as best she could, considering that her body was nestled perfectly in Jay's side, his own plate on the coffee table. Erin placed a bite of the cake and ice-cream and brought the spoon up to Jay to feed him. That was the least she could do seeing as how his arms were currently occupied, embracing her in his hold. Jay closed his eyes in happiness when he tasted his favorite dessert. That was how they finished both plates of the cake, Erin alternating between feeding Jay and taking a bite for herself.

After the plates were completely cleared, she placed them on the coffee table and returned to Jay's waiting arms. He lightly kissed the top of her head and she burrowed herself into his sides more, enjoying the way he was softly stroking her hips. They didn't bother turning on the t.v, no background noises were around. It was just the two of them, encased in the small light that the candles on the dining table were emitting, just enjoying each other's company.

"So about that dinner with Voight," Jay began, breaking the peaceful silence.

"Yeah, what about it?" Erin mumbled, her voice stifled by his chest.

"It doesn't sound so bad." Erin looked up, raising her eyebrows at his comment. Jay shrugged when he caught her look. "I mean I think Voight has lightened up about us a lot over the years. I think he might even like me for you now."

Erin chuckled. "That's what you think," she joked. "I mean I can't promise he won't pull his shotgun on you when we go over to his house for dinner. Are you prepared to deal with that?"

He bent his head down to look at her, his hand coming up to brush her hair away. "For you? Definitely," he said, his face breaking out into that boyish grin she loved so much. "I can't avoid him for the rest of my life and that's how long I'm planning on spending with you."

Erin's own face broke out into a soft smile at his words. She brought her head up to kiss his jaw, her heart full at the thought of spending the rest of her life with Jay. He moved his head away enough to find her lips and capture them in a firm kiss, his hand coming around the back of her head to pull her in closer. The kiss grew more passionate, Erin's arms coming around his neck and pulling Jay onto her as she laid back on the couch. She moaned, tossing her head back, as Jay's lips traveled from her mouth to her neck, sucking on the skin. Her toes curled at feeling his lips, her fingers clawing his back. Jay pulled his head and looked down at her, eyes locked on each other.

"Thank you for tonight," Jay whispered, their breaths mingling. "I loved it." She smiled, nodding at him. He bent down to capture her lips again, both of them getting lost in each other. Erin felt herself being lifted up as Jay carried her to the bedroom, her heart racing with anticipation as she waited for him to join her. He crawled onto the bed and hovered over her, his hand softly cupping her face. "You're so beautiful," he voiced, his head shaking like he couldn't actually believe that she was there and she was his. Erin understood exactly what he was feeling because there were times where she couldn't actually believe that they were together and that someone as amazing and caring and considerate as Jay could actually love her.

"I love you," she told him, needing him to know just how much her heart beat for him. He smiled, his fingers brushing against her lips before his lips joined in, the two of them ready to spend the night letting each other know just how much they loved each other, words no longer needed.

* * *

Jay found himself lost in the memory of last night, Voight's voice droning on and on in the background. It was an amazing night and he was entirely surprised at what Erin had done for him. He had been tired and his heart weighed heavy when he left his support group but as soon as he returned home and saw her, he immediately felt lighter and happier. She did that for him. No one else.

He looked across the bullpen to her desk and found her with her arms crossed. He frowned a little bit when he noticed the far-off expression on her face, different from the one that she'd get when she was lost in a good memory or when Voight was on one of his usual rants that most of them tuned out. This one was usually reserved for whenever she had something heavy on her mind and his concern grew. He could read her so well and the troubled expression on his girl's face made him uneasy. She probably felt his eyes on her because she looked up and caught his eyes. He lifted his eyebrows, asking her with his eyes if she was okay and she just returned a small smile, not entirely believable. But there was nothing he could do right now as they listened to Voight's rant about the Ivory Tower and how they had to focus on paper works for right now. All Jay could do was hope that she was okay and if there was something bothering her, she'd open up to him until he could talk to her.

He finally got the opportunity he was looking for when he caught her alone in the break room, absentmindedly stirring her coffee. He entered the room, tossing his head back to see if anyone was paying attention. But everyone was engrossed in their own paperwork, giving them the time alone. Jay knew it was something bad when she didn't even notice him coming in. Usually she was so good at sensing his presence. He sidled up to her, his back leaning against the sink and tried to catch her attention.

"You okay?" he asked, cautiously, not wanting to startle Erin. She tensed up when she finally noticed that she was no longer alone but she continued stirring her coffee, just barely giving him a nod in return. All of a sudden, the moment had Jay flashing back to years ago when he tried to approach the topic of Justin's murderer and how Voight dealt with it. He tried to push that out of his mind, reminding himself that they had come far from that time when Erin had been closed off— either out of protectiveness or just because she had trouble letting him in— and they were stronger today. He knew some habits were hard to break and for Erin, it was her automatic instincts to protect herself, honed by years of being let down by the people in her life growing up. He'd just hope that this time would be different.

Erin sighed and finally stopped her stirring. She turned her body around to face him. He could see the beginnings of a storm starting in her eyes and he waited, as patiently as he could, for her to open up to him. She reached for him and gave his arms a light squeeze.

"I'm really okay," she said with a tight smile. Her eyes darted out of the breakroom and turned back to him. "I...I ran into Bunny yesterday."

Jay's eyes narrowed at her words and he turned to face her completely. "What? Where?" He _knew _that whatever was bothering her that it was bad and for Erin, Bunny was as bad as it came. He never made his dislike for Erin's mom a secret. Sure, he had tried to be civil to her for Erin's sake but he hated the woman and the sleazy ways she tried to worm into Erin's life and mess it up like a tornado.

"At the store yesterday," Erin revealed, her eyes showing him just how much the interaction had affected her. He held her arms, concerned.

"Are you okay? What did she say?"

Erin nodded, giving him a small smile at his protectiveness. "I'm fine. I tried to get out of there as fast as I could. She asked me if I was back for good."

"Did you tell her?" Erin shook her head and Jay was relieved by her answer. The last thing he wanted was for Bunny to know that Erin was back.

"She asked about you too." Jay's eyebrows rose. Bunny was certainly not a fan of him either, always trying to set Erin up with other guys like Landon. Guys that cared more about having a good time and trying to pull Erin back into that life than about her. "I didn't tell her about us, either."

"Good," he stated. "She doesn't deserve to know about your life, Erin. Not after everything she has done."

"Yeah, I know," Erin said. Jay watched Erin and the way her shoulders were hunched over slightly, like there was something more weighing heavily on her. He placed his hand on her shoulder, as if to ask her what else happened. Erin took in a breath and pursed her lips. "Umm, she also told me that my father was back in town and wants to see me."

Jay sucked in his breath at what she said. He knew the topic of Erin's father was a sensitive one, especially after what had happened the last time with Jimmy. He could still vividly recall the way Erin had broken down after their fight. He had waited for her to come home and when she finally did, she fell apart in his arms as she told him how cruelly Jimmy had thrown her baby pictures in her face and spat nasty words about Erin being like Bunny and scamming him. His anger boiled when he heard what had happened and he had the urge to track down Jimmy if only to kick his ass for the way he treated Erin and for actually thinking that she was capable of something like that. But he just held Erin as she cried, mumbling between tears about how perhaps leaving Chicago behind was the best thing but how Jay was the only thing keeping her there. He had wiped her tears away, soothed her hurt with kisses and held her tightly as she tried to sleep, all the while thinking in his head how Jimmy didn't deserve someone like Erin to be his daughter.

"You're kidding," Jay scoffed, his hatred for Bunny growing. Erin just shrugged, agreeing with his reaction. "What did she say about this guy?"

"Not much," Erin replied. "Just that he had been back for a year and how he was the only other possibility to be my father. She also said she tried to reach out to me to tell me but I had cut her off. Just her usual b.s."

"What are you thinking?" Jay asked with a comforting hand on her arms so she'd know that whatever she was thinking about doing, he was there to support her. Erin dropped her eyes and sighed. He kept his touch on her, giving her time that she seemed to have needed. "You know whatever you want to do, I'll be right there next to you."

Erin nodded. When she finally looked back up and met his eyes, she seemed resolved and resolute. "I honestly don't care at this point, Jay." Her answer took him by surprise a little but he just nodded. "That's what I told her. How I've done just fine all these years without him and I don't need to get to know him. With my luck, he'd be just like Bunny or even worse."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah," Erin replied, coming to meet his hands. "My life is great right now. I'm back where I belong, the job is going great." She took a step closer to him and held his gaze. "We're amazing. I'm happy. I don't need him in my life."

Jay turned his head back to check his team one more time and he turned back around and caught Erin's lips in a quick kiss. "Okay," Jay told her. "I'm proud of you, you know?" She gave him a questioning look. "You're amazing and it's all you. You did that. Not Bunny and not your father." Erin gave him a smile, holding his hands in a show of affection that she usually held back from in the workplace. "You know that I'll always be here for you, right?"

"I know."

"Whatever happens with Bunny and this guy, anything at all, I'm not going anywhere."

"I know, Jay. Thank you."

* * *

Over the next week, he tried to watch over Erin as best he could, just in case she was having second thoughts about her decision to not meet her father. He wanted to be there for her, knowing that the topic of Erin's family always played a toll on her, whether she wanted it to or not. But Erin seemed perfectly fine and after their conversation in the break room where she had let him in on the situation, she seemed to return back to normal. She was laughing, smiling, eating and sleeping the same and Jay's worry had eased as the week went on. He was almost ready to let his guard down when it came to Bunny.

But he should've known better and he should've known that Bunny never left things well enough alone. So he shouldn't have been surprised when he saw her right outside the precinct when he walked down the steps. She looked like she was waiting for someone, her arms crossed and when she spotted him, she immediately made her way to him. Jay was just glad that it was him that she had run into and not Erin, who was currently out on an assignment with Kim.

"Bunny," he greeted her, not wanting to be rude when she approached him. He tried to side-step her, deciding that it was best not to engage at all. But she stepped in front of him, stopping him. "If you have something to say, go inside and talk to a uniform."

"I came to see you, Jay," Bunny said, her voice sounding perfectly sweet that anyone who didn't know her would be fooled by her act. But Jay knew better and knew that underneath her fake exterior, there was nothing but manipulation and lies.

"What do you need Bunny?" he asked her, voice stern and cold. "We don't have any business and if you're here to report a crime or if you need a cop, then go inside."

"I'm here to talk to you about Erin." Jay tried to keep his expression neutral, not wanting to give off any hint to Bunny.

"What about Erin? Last I heard she was in New York."

"Well, apparently not because I saw her the other day. I thought you might've known if she was back permanently or not."

Jay sighed annoyed. "And why would I know that?"

"I thought you guys might be back together or something. After all, I saw her buy some ingredients for what it looked like a very romantic dinner the other day. I thought it was for you." Jay saw right through Bunny's attempts to fish for a reaction out of him with the whole spiel about the romantic dinner. She was hoping to catch Jay off balance by letting him know that Erin was cooking a romantic dinner, either hoping to find out if he and Erin were back together or if she was with someone else.

"No it wasn't," Jay replied. "I didn't even know that she was in town." Bunny's eyes narrowed, studying his expressions. "So if we're done here then I have to go Bunny."

"Too bad," Bunny said, sounding sad but Jay knew she was faking it. "I was really hoping you two worked things out but it seemed as though Erin had moved on to someone else."

"Sure," Jay said, dismissing her and not falling into her trap. "Goodbye, Bunny," he just said, leaving her by the steps of the precinct.

* * *

"That bitch!" Erin spat, her anger growing as she listened to Jay's account of Bunny coming to talk to him. "So that's her plan. I don't fall for her shit and welcome her with open arms so she comes looking for you?"

Jay tried to calm Erin down but she was too worked up. Jay handed Erin a bottle of water for her to drink but she just gripped the bottle in her hands.

"Oh she thinks she's so slick," Erin continued to rant. "She just happened to let it slip that she saw me buying things for a romantic dinner. To what? Make you jealous? To let you know that I'm with someone else?"

"Who knows what Bunny was planning?" Jay retorted. "The important thing is that we both didn't let on that we're together to her." He hugged Erin, holding her tighter when he felt her body still tense in his arms. He ran his hand on her hair, trying to calm her down. Finally, she eased into the hug. "We're good, Erin," he murmured into her hair. "We're good."

"Yeah," Erin sighed, her breath tickling his neck. "I just...I can't believe her sometimes." He pulled her back so he could look at her face and he saw the sad frown on her lips. "She doesn't get what she wants so her plan is to hurt me. She knows how important you are to me, even after we broke up. She knew that I still had feelings for you so she seeks you out to try to destroy any chance we might have left by letting you think that I've moved on and had some other guy? God, I can't believe her."

He held her face in his hand, comforting her. Erin huffed, still worked up by her mother. He just continued to stroke her face softly, trying to dispel her anger and after a few minutes, Erin exhaled, finally calming down. She met his eyes and gave him a small smile. "I'm sorry you had to put up with that."

Jay waved away her apology, knowing there wasn't anything he wouldn't do for Erin.

"'I'm serious, Jay," Erin protested. "You always have to deal with my drama and I'm…" He cut her apology off with a firm kiss. He kissed her until the unneeded apology hanging from her lips fell away. She didn't need to apologize to him for anything.

"I don't deal with anything, Erin," Jay whispered to her after they broke the kiss and their noses remained grazing against each other. "It's just life. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, whatever comes our way. Even Bunny." His eyes remained locked on hers, letting her know that he was all in. It wasn't as though he didn't have baggage and drama of his own. The important thing was that they were there for each other, helping to carry each other's load. Bunny-shaped ones and all.

* * *

August brought about a heatwave in Chicago and Jay was sure he was melting. The crappy old conditioner in the bullpen wasn't working properly and everyone was pretty much shoving each other out of the way to get some quality time by the opened freezer door. He groaned happily when he placed the frozen water bottle against his neck, the cold feeling heavenly against his sweaty skin. He so envied Erin right now in her sleeveless shirt, wishing that he could wear his muscle tee without getting ribbed on by his team about how he looked like he belonged on a break dancing crew. It seemed as though it was too hot even for the criminals and they were having a lull in between cases. At least they didn't have to spend a lot of time chasing leads in the sweltering sun so Jay was glad for that. If bullpen was considered hot then the outside was pretty much hell.

"Hey," they all turned when Platt came up the stairs, lethargically. Jay wondered just how the Sergeant could deal with the uniform she had to wear daily when he was dying in his thin cotton tee shirt. "There's someone who insisted on talking to you guys."

Voight came out of his office and motioned for Platt to bring the person up. Erin stood up from her seat when a scared looking Melody— the person who helped them catch Sweet Lou, Lissa's murderer— came up, her hand clenching a note.

"Melody," Erin immediately went over to the woman. "Are you okay?"

"No," Melody replied, fear so obvious in her voice as her shaky hand brought the note to Erin's face. "I need your help!"

Erin nodded, trying to calm her down. "Okay. What's going on? What's this?" Erin gently grabbed the paper out of her hand and read it over. Jay stood up and they all gathered around the newcomer.

"What is it?"

"Melody and her daughter are being threatened."

* * *

"So someone isn't happy that Melody helped bring Lou down and freeing all of his girls," Kevin said when they gathered in the middle after Melody had shown them the threatening notes she had received, warning her that she'd get what was coming to her for narcing the whole operation to the police and for helping them. Erin had tried to calm the woman down, promising her that they'd do everything to protect Melody and her daughter. Melody was then sent home and a uniform was sitting on them, watching for any threats.

"Pretty much," Erin sighed. "Apparently Lou was just a step in the ladder. He answered to someone higher on the chain and whoever's the leader is, he's not happy about getting his money cut off when Lou died."

"Listen to this, guys!" Adam called out from his computer and played the audio of the sting operation they set up to bring Lou down a few months ago. Over the speakers, they heard Lou's shouts of how he didn't get to keep the whole cut from the girl played. "So how did we miss this? There is someone else that Lou answered to."

"And whoever it is, he's the one threatening Melody and her daughter," Kim stated.

"So the question is, how do we find this guy?"

* * *

"I see someone approaching," Erin spoke into her hidden mic as she stood in line at the market. "Three o' clock."

"Got it," Jay's voice came over the mic and Erin shifted her body so the hidden camera would catch who Erin was talking about. "Got the visual."

After deciding that the best method of catching whoever in charge of the prostitution ring was to go undercover, the team had split into groups and each of the three women in Intelligence were now playing the role of a struggling single mother who were having money trouble. Erin had pushed the shopping cart around the store, trying to play the role and making conversations with strangers, talking loudly about her money problems. She was hoping that whoever that was a part of the prostitution ring who preyed on struggling women would approach her since most of the women that fell victim to the ring were preyed upon in grocery stores. Like the guy that was walking over to her right now.

She tried to make small talks with the woman behind her in checkout line, making sure the guy overheard her talk about how she was a single mother who needed money and couldn't afford her groceries. She watched him with the side of her eyes, waiting to see if he'd approach her but he veered to the left, not being the guy. She sighed, dejected, and just pretended as though she forgot to grab an item and left the line.

"No good," she spoke into her mic, letting Jay who was waiting outside, know that it wasn't a guy they were waiting for. She'd hope that they could at least get a lead on who was in charge of the prositution ring today. The whole reason why Melody and her daughter were even being threatened right now was because of them, because Melody had helped them when she didn't need to. Erin would be devastated if they had gotten hurt because Melody had decided to do the right thing.

"Erin," Jay's voice came over the mic again. "We got to go. Kevin called and they caught one."

* * *

Erin watched through the glass in the observation room as Antonio and Voight interrogated the guy that had approached Hailey with the offer to become a working girl. It was clear by the way the guy was scared out of his mind and didn't look like he knew what 2+2 was that he wasn't the brains of the operation nor was he the leader they were looking for. But she had hoped that they could use his stupidity to their advantage and he'd start singing like a canary and take them straight to their leader.

"I'm giving you one more chance here Ernesto," Antonio told him, playing the good cop while Voight leered over the guy like a bad cop. "Tell us who your boss is and we'll let you walk."

Ernesto looked at Antonio, not believing him. "I can't."

"Oh come on!" Antonio shouted. "We know you're not in charge of the whole thing. We know you give whoever this person is a large cut of the money. Does that sound fair to you? I mean you're the one out there recruiting the girls, you're the one working them, pimping them out and that guy, he just gets to sit back and rake in the money you worked hard for."

"Sounds like a shit deal to me," Voight commented, still staring Ernesto down, who wouldn't even meet Voight's eyes.

"So tell us who the leader is and you get to leave, go back to your life and do whatever you did before you decided to become a low-level pimp and prey on vulnerable women."

"I can't!" Ernesto said again, clenching his hands together, trembling. "If I do, he's going to kill me!"

"He'll be in prison to do anything to you!"

Ernesto shook his head vigorously. "No. He might go to prison but you don't know this guy. He's not scared of prison. He spent most of his life there and he has all these connections. Even if he's put away, then he'd just send the woman after me and she's even crazier than he is."

Erin frowned. A woman? There were more than one leader? Antonio asked Ernesto the questions Erin had on her mind.

"Yeah! His girlfriend or wife or something," Ernesto replied. "I don't know but they're always together whenever I drop off their cuts. The guy stays in the background so I just deal with the woman. She counts the money and uh...she breaks the new girls down so they'd be ready."

Erin's lips curled in disgust. How could a woman do something so terrible to other women? Just for money? It was sick.

"Ernesto," Antonio dropped his elbows on the table to get Ernesto's attention. "Hey look at me! Look at me!" Ernesto finally met Antonio's eyes. "Just talk and give us both of their names. They'll both go away."

"What's the damn woman's name?" Voight barked, his anger bursting.

Ernesto cowered when he felt Voight's roar in his ears. "Bunny!" he finally shouted, revealing who the woman was. "She called herself Bunny!"

And Erin's world shattered once again.

* * *

Erin couldn't breathe after hearing what Ernesto said. There was no way he was telling the truth. It had to be a lie. There was no way Bunny was involved in this. She knew her mother wasn't a saint. She knew Bunny had done things— horrible things but as a half of a duo that was in charge of a prostitution ring that preyed on vulnerable women when they were down by pimping them out? There was no possible way.

"He's lying," she muttered, her voice shaking. Jay who was standing next to her tried to reach out but she took a step back. "There's no way."

She stormed out of the observation room, ignoring Jay's shouting her name, and she headed to the interrogation room, slamming the door open.

"Describe how she looks!" she ordered Ernesto as Antonio and Voight exchanged looks with each other at her suddenly barging in on the interrogation. "What does this Bunny look like?"

"Uh….white, good looking, in her 50's, has blonde hair," Ernesto replied, stammering when Erin got in his face. "I mean there's no distinctive features. She just looks normal."

She took out her phone and pulled up a picture of Bunny and shoved it in Ernesto's face. "Is this her? Look at it!" Erin shouted. "Is this who you were talking about? Bunny?"

Ernesto studied the picture and nodded. "Yeah, that's Bunny. She's the one who always took the money. She's the one who's in charge. Her and her boyfriend."

Erin's mouth parted in disbelief and she stormed out of the interrogation room. Jay had been waiting for her right outside and pulled her into his arms, stopping her from getting further. She tried to fight him off, needing to get away, but he held her tightly in place. Finally she stopped and broke down in his arms. Jay was holding her up when her body felt too heavy, her heart breaking at finding this out about her mother.

"I can't believe her," she muttered in his arms. "I can't believe she did this!"

"It's okay," he shushed her, his hand stroking her head. "Erin, it's going to be okay."

Usually just having Jay there would calm her down but after finding out something like _this_ about her mother, Erin knew there would be nothing that would make it okay. She pushed herself away from Jay, muttering about how she needed to get away, and headed straight for the locker room. She headed for the sink as soon as she reached the empty room and she almost threw up, her stomach in turmoil at the fact that her mother had actually done something like this. She dry heaved, feeling sick to her stomach. She shouldn't have been surprised when she began to feel the hands on her back, running up and down in an attempt to comfort her. She should've known that Jay would follow her. She washed her mouth and splashed water over her face, hoping that doing so would wake her up from her nightmare. But it wasn't a nightmare, it was reality. Her mother had fallen so far that she was no longer only hurting herself with her lifestyle of booze and drugs but now she was hurting many others. So many innocent women.

Jay closed the water and patted her face gently with paper towels before pulling her to sit down on the bench. She hunched over, unable to meet his eyes right now. He sat down next to her, his legs straddling the bench, and he pulled her into his arms, his head resting on top of hers. Erin didn't know how long they sat there in that position, Jay's hands continuing to brush her back.

"I can't believe her," Erin finally spoke. "I knew..._I knew _that she wasn't a good person and whatever happened with Johnny that she wasn't completely innocent. I knew yet I still tried to help her out, I'm the one that got her off scots-free. Maybe if I hadn't then she'd be in prison right now where she belongs and maybe all those women wouldn't have to go through what they did."

"You did what you thought was right at the time, Erin," Jay replied. "You were trying to help your mother. There's no way you could've known that she was capable of doing something like this. Hell, I hate her and even I never thought that she'd be a part of this."

"How could she do this?" Erin asked in a small voice that broke Jay's heart and he just held her closer to him, dropping a kiss on her head. "She knew how hard it was for us, not having money for food, scraping together loose change to keep the heat on. She knew and she still chose to take advantage of those women who were struggling. '_Break the new girls down'_" Erin repeated what Ernesto had revealed. "God, I can't even let myself think what that means." Despite not wanting to voice what 'breaking the new girls down' meant, Erin knew in her head what it actually involved. Her time on the streets, soliciting for Charlie and his friends, meant she knew entirely what those women that Bunny broke in had to go through and she even suspected they suffered through worse than she did.

"She's not going to get away with this," Jay said, sounding adamant. "She's going to pay for what she did. Both her and her boyfriend."

"Her boyfri…" Erin whispered, remembering who else was involved and that Bunny wasn't operating alone. "Oh god, it's him isn't it? The boyfriend, the leader of the ring. He's my father." The way Jay had tensed at her realization let her know that he had put the pieces together already and had been waiting for her. She let out a mirthless laugh.

"He doesn't deserve to be your father," Jay stressed, his hold on her tightening. "Besides you don't know if Bunny was even telling the truth about him. All we know, he could just be a random guy that Bunny had gotten involved with."

She finally brought her head up to look at Jay. "Come on, Jay. We both know that with my luck, he's my dad." Erin wanted to laugh at the new information. Of course, he had to be her dad. The possibility of her father being a half-way decent guy never existed in the first place because look who her mother was. Bunny went for chaos and craved destruction. It only made sense that whoever she chose to have a child with would only be the same.

Erin was tired of the chaos and destruction. She was tired of just aiding and abetting Bunny and letting her wreck havoc wherever she went just because she was Erin's mother.

"No more, Jay." She pulled away from Jay's arms and sat up straight, determined. Jay frowned at her moving away and looked at her, worried. She wiped away the last remnants of tears from her face and set her eyes on Jay. "I can't do this anymore."

"Do what anymore, Erin?" Jay asked, reaching for her hand. He looked worried and Erin didn't know if it was because of her sudden change in demeanor or because he thought she was talking about them. Possibly both.

"I'm not going to let her away with anything anymore," Erin clarified. "I told myself when I was in New York that I was done with Bunny and I'm keeping to that. Her and her boyfriend need to be brought down."

"We'll get her," Jay promised, holding her hands. "We're going to get both of them."

Erin nodded, feeling better after seeing the same resolve in Jay's eyes as it was in hers. She was done covering for Bunny and bailing her out. Bunny had gone too far this time and she was going to pay for what she did.

Erin let out a soft chuckle and Jay looked at her, wondering what got her chuckling. Erin shook her head. "I'm just amazed at my gene pool. A drug addict for a mom and a pimp for a father." She scoffed at her lineage. It was a wonder she wasn't in prison or her life wasn't in the gutters, considering who her parents were. She didn't even want to imagine passing her genes off to her kids or having to explain to them just who their grandparents were and why they would never be around for birthdays and holidays like other normal grandparents. She looked at Jay and she couldn't help but think what she had always thought. He deserved better than this. "Are you sure you don't want to back out now? I wouldn't blame you if you did."

Jay frowned at her words. He scooted even closer to her and turned her body around so she was facing him. He cupped her face and held it in his hands, tightly so she couldn't look away as his eyes bored into hers, wanting her to see how much he meant every words that he was about to say.

"I'm not going anywhere. Not now. Not ever. I don't care who your parents are, Erin. Nothing's going to send me running." She exhaled, closing her eyes at his reassurance. She just felt so guilty and she was tired of her drama always invading their lives whenever things were going well. "Hey, look at me," Jay ordered, waiting for her to meet his eyes again. "I'm in. Always."

She held his gaze as she closed the distance between them, laying a soft yet firm kiss on his lips. It was a thank-you, a promise and a 'I love you for being you' all rolled into one.

* * *

Erin was grateful for her team because they were all acting like this was just another case. She didn't know if Voight or Jay had said anything to them but they weren't giving her pity looks or worried glances every few minutes just because of her parents were involved with the case. Erin didn't think she could've dealt with it if they had. This whole acting like the suspects were just strangers was working for Erin. The distancing herself emotionally from the case was what got her through three long days of surveillance, the team gathering evidence and information on Bunny and David before busting them.

Erin tried to remain professional as she watched the footage of Bunny berating a few women who were new to the prostitution game, slapping them around and pulling on their hair like they weren't human. Erin tried to hold her disgust and anger in as she watched her supposed father laugh maniacally as he groped a girl who barely looked like she was in her 20's, all while Bunny counted their stacks of money in the background. How could she be related to people like these? So heartless and callous.

"We're going to get them," Erin vowed, her hands in tight fists. They would no longer be able to hurt anyone else. She felt Atwater squeezed her shoulders and she returned a thank-you smile. Her team had been a rock for her through this case, supportive but not smothering.

"Alright, let's suit up!" Voight ordered and the team headed down to the roll-up to prepare for the raid.

* * *

After they had put on their vests, they gathered in the middle of the roll-up for one last briefing before heading out on the raid.

"Remember, their whole set-up is on the third floor of the building. There is only one way in and one way out," Voight said, his hands grabbing his vest in a football stance. "From the surveillance footage we got from the other building, we know that they usually keep the cash in the backroom. Whatever paper trail they were stupid enough to keep will probably be in there too. Now this guy, David Mitchell," Voight eyed Erin as he started talking about her father. "He did 3 dimes in Leavenworth for murder, assault, rape. He's as violent as they come and he's considered armed and dangerous. As for Bunny Fletcher, his accomplice, she's unpredictable. There's no telling what she'll do to get out and get away so we have to be on our toes."

They all nodded, listening to Voight's briefing. He sucked in his cheeks and looked around his team. He scratched his nose and nodded. "Alright, let's go." Erin headed to the car with Kim but Voight called her back. "Lindsay, you're riding with me." The two women exchanged looks but Voight merely raised his eyebrows, daring them to ask questions. Kim just gave Erin's arm a squeeze before heading to her car. Erin sighed and walked over to where he was standing.

"You don't have to babysit me, you know," Erin admonished, annoyed. The two walked over to his truck and he started driving. "I'm okay really."

"I know you are," Voight just returned, his eyes on the road. "You've been doing good about this whole thing since we found out about it."

"Yeah, I have Jay to thank for it. And the team." Erin played with her fingers as they continued to the building where Bunny and David were. "Everyone has been really great about this. I could almost forget the fact that my family is a freakshow."

"Hey," Voight called out, reaching over to hold her hands. "Bunny and David, they're not your family. Blood doesn't make a family."

Erin nodded, squeezing Voight's hand as a thank-you. "Yeah, I'm finding that out."

* * *

A couple of minutes later, they arrived at the building where Bunny and David were staying, the two completely in the dark about the raid that was about to happen. Erin tightened her hold on her gun and hoped that the raid would be over quickly. Just in and out. Grab Bunny and David and bring them back to the station where they could be booked and charged for human trafficking. The team waited for Kim and Al's signal from the other building that Bunny and David were inside. After getting the go-ahead from Kim, the rest of the team entered the building quietly, climbing up the stairs that creaked with every step, the state of them matching the worn-out building.

They were half-way to the second floor when they heard whimpers coming from downstairs, all of them halting at the noise. Voight ordered Kevin and Hailey to check the noise out and the two left, returning downstairs. The remaining members stood with their guns out, waiting to see what was the source of the noise. A few minutes later, Kevin's voice came over the radio.

"Guys, we have a situation here." Erin and Jay exchanged a look with each other as they waited for Kevin to elaborate. "The noise is coming from the basement and we think there are girls kept down there. We can't get the door open. There's an alarm on it." Erin sucked in her breath after hearing what Kevin said. After everything that Bunny had done, Erin should've known that nothing would be too depraved for them.

"We have an alarm decoder in the car," Adam said, offering to get it and help Kevin out since he had been taught by Mouse how to work the electronic device. Voight nodded and allowed Adam to go help, leaving just the four of them as they advanced towards the third floor. They cautiously made their way up, about to reach the third floor landing when a harsh whisper came through the radio.

"Fuck!" They heard Adam's voice over the radio. And just seconds later, Erin found out just why Adam had cursed when the alarm started blaring loudly. Obviously, something had gone wrong with opening the basement door and the alarm continued its loud wails. They stood in place, debating among themselves whether to continue now that their presence in the building had been made. The four of them headed up, continuing on with the raid even though the surprise element was now gone. But before they even reached the third floor, Bunny came running out the door, having heard the alarm, and she shouted when she saw the police and Erin standing there.

"Erin!" Bunny gasped, seeing her there in Chicago. Then just as quickly, Bunny recovered and she tried to get away. "Cops!" Bunny shouted, warning David of their arrival before she turned around and took off in a run to the other side of the hallway. Voight and Antonio, who were in front of the group, began to chase after her.

"Get the guy!" Voight ordered Jay and Erin, pointing to the room where Bunny had just come out of as he ran after Bunny. Jay and Erin quickly made their way into the room and saw David who ran for the backroom as soon as he saw them. They followed him and Jay got there just in time and stopped the door from closing with his body and he pushed his way inside, Erin following behind. The backroom was the size of a closet and the only source of light was coming from a single bulb hanging from the ceiling. Out of the corner of her eyes, Erin noticed the large stacks of money that was on the table in the back wall and there were pictures posted up on the wall of women— the women that Bunny and David had working for them.

"You're under arrest!" Jay shouted, pointing his gun at David. "Don't move David!"

David stood against the back wall and for the first time, Erin came face to face with the man who Bunny said was her father. She tried to not search for any resemblance between them but she couldn't ignore the shape of his eyes and the bridge of his nose that resembled her own. There was no denying to herself that they shared some features but as she continued to look at the man, she felt nothing. No kinship, no sense of connection that she thought she might've felt when meeting her father for the first time. All she saw was a despicable person looking back at her. She was pointing her gun at him, just daring him to try something.

"Lindsay." David spotted her name tag on her vest and put things together. "Erin," he called out her name. "You're Erin Lindsay."

Erin gritted her teeth and didn't reply.

"You're my daughter!" David laughed. "I thought your mom said you were in New York. Now are you really going to shoot your father?" David asked, looking confident like he could play Erin.

"Only if you move even an inch," Erin replied, keeping her voice unattached. "I don't care who you are. You're going to pay for what you did."

David laughed again, shaking his hand. "I don't think so," he retorted. "I have no intentions of going back to prison."

"That's not going to be up to you," Jay snapped back. "Now turn around and place your hands against the wall!"

"Do it!" Erin shouted, her eyes blazing. Maybe David had thought that Erin would hesitate because of who he was but Erin was set on bringing down David, dead or alive. He scoffed, slowly beginning to turn but he had other plans, no intentions of going down that easily. After Jay had cuffed David, they headed out of the room, ready to escort the guy back to the station.

"Suspect down," Jay spoke into the radio, holding onto David with one hand while Erin followed behind. They were just about to reach the door when David took the short distraction of Jay talking on the radio to throw his whole weight onto him, Jay stumbling back from the sudden attack. Erin stepped forward to grab hold of David but he was faster, heading to the table that was in the room and before Erin and Jay could get their bearings, a flashing light went off.

"Flashbang!" Jay shouted as they both hit the ground, the blinding and deafening effect of the grenade filled the room. Erin grimaced and shouted out in pain, completely losing her orientation of the situation.

"Fuck!" she cussed, the ringing in her ears too loud to hear what was going on in the room. She stumbled around blind, on her hands and knees, searching for Jay.

"Are you okay?" She heard him ask but he sounded muted and far away. He made contact with her and helped her onto her feet and they tried to reorient themselves. When they both managed to get their orientation back somewhat, they realized that David had used the distraction to get away and now they were locked in the room.

"Yeah," Erin replied back, searching around for her gun but unable to find it. "My gun's gone. David took it!"

"Shit!" Jay shouted as he tried to open the door so they could get out but no luck. "Voight!" Jay barked into the radio, calling for help. "We're trapped on the third floor and David got away!"

Erin heard scratchy noises coming from the radio and Voight's voice breaking up, leaving them unable to fully comprehend what was being said. Erin looked around the small room, trying to find something to get the door open but she didn't find anything useful. Jay tried to pry the door open again but they both knew it was useless. They knew from the surveillance they gathered that the backroom door locked from the outside since it was where Bunny and David had kept their money. The only thing to do was to wait for the team to help.

Jay tried to radio again but the small room was preventing them to get a good enough signal. Erin cocked her hands on her hips and shook her head, angry that David had gotten them away. And that Bunny's warning of them arriving had given David enough of a heads-up to ambush them with a stun grenade.

"Halstead...Hal…" they finally heard the radio working again and Erin walked over to Jay, trying to get a better listen. "F….fire…" They exchanged confused looks with one another, trying to decipher what Voight was saying on the radio. "Need...location…"

"Voight!" Jay shouted into the radio, telling him their location. "What's this about fire?"

"Building...fire…" Jay's worried eyes met hers and they both held their breaths, hoping that Voight wasn't saying what they thought he was. Because it sounded like Voight was telling them that the building that they were in was on fire and they had no way of getting out of the building without help.

"Voight!" Erin tried to get the Sergeant back on the line but the line kept breaking in and out. Their radio to dispatch was acting the same, Jay kicking the table in anger at the situation they were in. Her heart was racing at the thought of being trapped in a burning building and she hoped and prayed with all she had that she was wrong about what was happening.

But she knew she wasn't when the smoke began coming in through the door, the fire spreading through the building. She walked over to where Jay was standing and he stood in front of her as though he could protect her from the fire. The room quickly filling up with smoke and Erin coughed, her lungs starting to burn. She was still feeling the effect of the flashbang and the smoke wasn't helping her feel any better. She grabbed Jay's arms as she bent over, coughing, and Jay patted her back, trying to help her.

"It's ok, Erin." She knew Jay was trying to sound calm but he couldn't fully hide the panic. She clenched her eyes shut as Jay was doing everything he could to get the door open. Finally, she spotted Jay's gun in his holster and she chided herself for not thinking of it sooner.

"Jay!" she shouted to get his attention. "Your gun! Shoot it!" Jay understood what she meant and he pointed the gun at where he thought the lock outside would be and shot it several times. Then he slammed the door with his shoulders, the door slightly giving way on one side, just enough room for them to squeeze through and get out.

"Here!" Jay pulled her. "Go first!" Jay pushed Erin through the small opening and she squeezed her way through, barely able to fit her tiny body through the door. Her eyes bulged in fear when flames met her on the other side, the fire spreading through the room quickly. As soon as she was able to stand on stable ground on the other side, she reached for Jay to help him out, knowing that he would need help to fit his bigger body through the hole. Just as she felt Jay's hand in her, the weakened structure from the fire collapsed, a structural beam almost falling on top of Erin if not for Jay pushing her back as much as he could. The same beam that almost hit her was now effectively blocking the small hole, trapping Jay inside.

"Shit!" Erin tried to lift the beam as much as she could but it was far too heavy for her. "Just hold on Jay!" she shouted through the tiny opening that was left.

"Erin! Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine! Just hold on Jay! I'll get you out!" She tried to lift it again, budging it slightly but not enough.

"No, you have to get out of here, Erin!" Jay yelled from the other side. "Go! Before the building collapse further!"

Erin ignored him. There was no way she was going to just leave him here, trapped on the other side.

"No!" she shouted back. "I'm not leaving! Not until we're both out!"

She grunted and yelled loudly as she put all of her strength to move the beam. It budged a little bit more but it still wasn't enough.

"Erin please! Just go!" Jay was screaming now from the other side, his voice drowning out in the roaring fire. Erin coughed, the smoke getting in her lungs. "Get the fuck out of here Erin!"

"Shut up!" Erin shouted back through coughing fits. "I told you I'm not leaving. Not until I get you out too!"

She ignored Jay practically begging her to get out, him shouting at her to just leave him behind. He should know that she wasn't going anywhere.

"I'm begging you, Erin. If you love me then just go. Before we both die in here!" She wiped away her tears, biting on her tongue before she yelled at him for being unfair and using the fact that she loved him against her. Even if it was to save her life. "Please," he continued, his voice breaking. "I love you and I'm begging you to get out before it's too late!"

Erin focused on the beam, the ends of the wooden beam starting to burn. Her head whipped around when she heard faint shouts coming from outside.

"CFD! If anyone's there, call out!"

Erin almost cried in happiness when she heard a firefighter. She screamed to get their attention and a few seconds later, Severide came through the door.

"Kelly!" she shouted in relief at seeing the firefighter.

"Erin!" Severide quickly came over to help. "Voight told us that you and Jay were here."

"Yeah, Jay's on the other side. Please!" Kelly helped her try to move the beam. "Come on!"

They both tried to move it as much as they could. "Hold on Jay!" Severide yelled out.

"Kelly! Get Erin out of here first!" Jay demanded. Erin shook her head vigorously. "Get her out of here!"

"I already said I'm not leaving so shut up!" Erin screamed back and subsequently started coughing, the smoke getting to her. Severide looked torn, caught between staying to help Jay or getting Erin out of there as Jay wanted. "Come on, let's do this!" Erin said, focusing on the beam again.

"Severide, I swear to fucking god if you don't get Erin out of here right now, I will kill you." Jay warned from the other side. "Please man, just get her to safety. Please."

Severide's heart went out to them, at hearing how desperate and weak Jay sounded, knowing that all Jay wanted was Erin safe. He looked over at Erin who was getting weaker by the second, running out of air. He made his decision in that moment.

"Hold on Halstead," Kelly told Jay. "I'll get her out and I'll be back!"

"What? No," Erin tried to protest but Kelly just shoved the extra mask he had on her face and lifted her up, Erin too weak to fight him off. "No, damn it Kelly! Put me down!"

"Can't do that, Erin." Kelly carried her over his shoulders and made his way out of the room. "Don't fight me on this okay? The sooner we get you out, the sooner I can go back in and help Jay."

That seemed to have worked as Erin deflated and stopped fighting him. He carefully navigated them out of the burning building and as soon as they reached outside, he dropped her on the ground carefully. He lifted up the mask and found Erin in tears, sobbing.

"I'm going to do whatever it takes to get Jay out," Severide promised her but Erin was too incoherent to fully take in his promise. Voight and Kim rushed over to her and a paramedic joined them, helping her up to access her. After making sure that she was in good hands, Severide grabbed a crowbar out of the fire truck and he and Casey made their way back inside, hoping that Halstead was still holding on.

* * *

Erin was in a daze, unable to feel and understand whatever that was going on around her. She knew there was a couple of medics poking her, shoving masks in her face, checking her over but she didn't feel any of it. She didn't know if it was the leftover effect of the flashbang or if she had just inhaled too much smoke but the only thing she knew was that she couldn't breath. Even as the oxygen mask remained on her face, she still couldn't get a full breath in.

It was like she was floating, unable to find stable ground. She felt like something was missing. Her heart. Her heart was with Jay who was still trapped inside. She pulled the mask to let out a sharp cry, her body folding in on itself.

"Erin! What's wrong?" Kim asked her, worried about the sudden outburst. "Are you okay?"

Erin shook her head as she couldn't speak. She couldn't get a full sentence out. "...Jay…" was all she could mutter.

"He's going to be okay," Kim replied, her hand coming to rest on Erin's back. "They'll get him out."

Erin wanted to scream and yell at her because Kim didn't know that. No one could guarantee that Jay would be fine. He had been trapped in the room for far too long and even if he did make it out, who knew what the fire had done to his body. She pushed Kim's hands off of her and started pacing.

"Erin, you need to put on your mask," the medic said but Erin refused. What good was the oxygen mask? She wouldn't be able to breath no matter what if Jay didn't make it. The mask might as well be useless. She was like a lion in a cage, pacing back and forth, others not daring to step into her space. She kept her eyes on the entrance of the building, trying to keep her eyes off of the smoke coming out from the rooftop. She just needed to see one person. She just needed to see Jay.

Finally, Voight decided she was wearing herself out and he stepped forward to stop her from pacing, holding her arm. She tried to fight him off but he wasn't moving. Erin gave in, too tired to keep up the fight and they stood, waiting and praying for Jay to come out.

Finally, the constriction around Erin's heart eased a bit when she spotted Jay coming out, leaning on both Severide and Casey. He looked terrible for the wear, his face and body covered with char and soot but to Erin, it was the most beautiful sight she had ever seen. She shook off Voight's hand and broke out in a run, as fast as her tired legs would take her.

She almost knocked Jay over when she reached him, the two firefighters holding them up. But neither her or Jay cared. Their arms wound around each other and they held each other in a suffocating hug, like they couldn't get close enough no matter how much they were holding each other. Her head was buried in his neck, her hands keeping his body close as his fingers tangled themselves in her hair.

"You're okay, you're okay," Erin breathed out, like she couldn't believe that he was in her arms, alive.

"God Erin!" Jay sounded broken himself. "What the fuck were you thinking? You should've left! You should've gone when I told you to." He pulled back to hold her face in a tight grip, their foreheads pressing hard against each other. He let out a broken sob, clenching his eyes shut.

"I wasn't going to leave you. Not if I can help it!" Erin replied back. "I couldn't leave you."

He broke the hold and leaned his head back to look at her in the eyes, both of their eyes glistening with tears— filled with fear, relief and happiness. He bent his head down to kiss her— hard and bruising— letting his relief known with the kiss.

"I love you," he muttered brokenly, returning his forehead to hers. Erin just nodded, just relishing in the feeling of holding Jay in her arms again.

* * *

As hard as it was, like pulling off two magnets, eventually they were both carted off in separate ambulances to the hospitals and admitted overnight for observation. Jay tried not to look annoyed as Will fussed over him, fixing his blanket every few minutes as they waited for his test results.

"Will you stop that!?" Jay finally snapped, adjusting his hospital gown after Will had accidentally moved it in his attempt to make Jay more comfortable.

"Sorry," Will grimaced and sat back down. "You almost died, can you blame me for worrying?"

"I'm fine."

"Yeah? Until we get the test results back to actually confirm it, let me fuss over my big brother." Jay rolled his eyes but let it go.

"Can you find out how Erin is?" Jay asked Will. The last he saw Erin, she was still being checked out by the medics when he was driven away in his bus. From what he had heard from her, she was fine but he still wanted to make sure. Will just nodded, promising to check in on Erin as soon as they got Jay's results back.

Jay tried not to gloat when the results showed that Jay would be fine, a little worse for the wear but would make the full recovery. Will had left him alone in peace then, promising to come back with an update on Erin. but only if Jay promised to get some rest.

But it was easier said than done because Jay hated hospitals and even if he was left in peace in the E.D room, he was still unable to fall asleep. His mind drifted off to events of the day and the close call he and Erin went through. He tried to temper his worry down about her and how she was doing. He had been expecting for her to barge through the hospital room door to check up on him and he was growing concern when he didn't see her.

He was about to nod off to sleep when the door opened and Jay lifted his head up, anticipating seeing the love of his life. His face fell when instead of seeing Erin, he was met with Voight.

"Voight?" he tried to sit up in bed and took off his mask. "Where's Erin? Is she okay?"

Voight approached and stopped next to his bed, holding his hand up to calm Jay down. "She's fine."

"Where is she?" Jay asked again, wanting to see her. "She's really okay?"

"Yeah, she's just a couple of doors down." Voight already saw Jay's upcoming question of why Erin was admitted coming so he prempted him. "And before you ask and work yourself up, it's just for precaution. She's okay. A little smoke inhalation and a mild concussion from the flashbang but she's fine. Kim just got her to rest a couple of minutes ago."

Jay nodded, relieved that Erin was fine and he settled back down. "So you're here to check up on me?"

Voight shrugged. "I have to give Erin an update." Jay chuckled. "So rest up so I can report back to her that you're fine."

"I am."

Voight exhaled, scratching the tip of his nose like he always did whenever he had something to say. Jay waited, wondering what was on his Sergeant's mind.

"I heard you guys over the radio," Voight began, not meeting Jay's eyes. "I didn't hear everything but I heard enough." Jay's eyes narrowed in confusion, waiting for Voight to continue. "I heard you beg Erin to get out and leave you behind."

"Yeah," Jay replied. "I meant it."

Voight sucked in his cheeks. "I know you did." He licked his lips. "I know I haven't always been a huge supporter of you two but there is one thing I never doubted and it's that you love her like she deserves."

Jay just nodded again, not knowing what to say back. All he wanted when he was trapped in that room was for Erin to be safe. He begged her to leave him behind, wanting her to get out of there before they both burned to death. He was fine with dying, as long as he knew Erin was safe.

Voight's chuckle took him out of his thoughts and he looked up at his Sergeant, wondering what got him laughing. "You really don't have life preservation instincts. Do you, Halstead?"

"Erin's my life and my only instinct is to protect her," Jay replied, stating the truth. Voight remained quiet for a second, accessing Jay's eyes, before nodding.

"Well get some rest. I'm sure Erin will be here first thing in the morning to check up on you so try not to look so terrible."

Jay chuckled, knowing that it was the furthest Voight was going to be as far as being sentimental.

"Okay Serge. Good night."

Jay watched as Voight left the room and slowly drifted off to a much needed rest.

* * *

_Woo! That was long but I wanted to make it up to you guys for the late update. I hope you guys enjoyed reading it and as always, I'd love to hear your thoughts on this. _


	35. Chapter 35

Chapter 35

It was the coughing fit that woke him up. There was an itch in his throat and a burn in his lungs that could no longer be ignored and it woke him up from his semi-peaceful sleep. Every cough that exited his mouth squeezed his chest so tightly, he felt like he was suffocating. And he felt his muscles ache from the coughs alone. It was painful. So much so that he didn't even register that someone was in the room with him, holding his other hand that wasn't covering his coughs. Someone that was watching him worriedly.

"Are you okay?" It was her question that finally got Jay's attention. As much as he wanted to answer her, he couldn't. Not immediately, anyway. He coughed some more and Erin couldn't stand watching him be in pain any longer so she stood up, breaking her hold on him, and walked around to the end of his bed to get him a cup of water. He took the cup and took a sip of water, letting the cool liquid ease some of the irritation in his throat. It seemed to help a bit and he laid back down on the bed, giving her a small grateful smile. She was still looking at him with worried eyes and he just wanted her next to him again. So he held his hand out, waiting for her to take it. The dubious look in her eyes hadn't gone away but she laced her fingers with his anyways and sat back down next to his bed.

"You don't look so good." Jay frowned at her words, wondering if he should be offended. He cracked a joke but it was obvious that she wasn't in the mood. "Stop babe," she admonished him, her eyes scanning his features carefully as not to miss anything.

"I'm alright," he tried to reassure her but the cough that followed his words had the opposite effect. She frowned again and her mouth was now pulled into a tight line.

"I'm gonna go get a doctor," she said, getting up but he used every bit of strength he had left to pull her back down. He didn't need a doctor. He just needed her. "Jay."

"Erin," he returned, trying to smile to ease her worries. It didn't work but it did make her sit back down so small victory. He gripped her hand, not wanting to let her go. He didn't want to take his eyes off of her. It had been a close call yesterday and they had been so close to losing each other. He took in the beauty that was her face— her eyes, the slope of her nose, the dimples on her cheeks. Even the pout that she was sporting was just so damn utterly beautiful that he just had to smile.

"What?" she asked him, warily. He knew he must've looked crazy to her— smiling like an idiot without saying anything.

"You're just so beautiful," he confessed and her face softened. She squeezed his hand and brought it to her lip. The way she closed her eyes when her lips touched his hand made his heart ache. Because he knew that as scared as he had been last night, she had him beat in that department. It couldn't have been easy for her to be on the other side of the door, unable to get him out. For that alone, he repeated his words. "I'm okay, Erin."

Her eyes opened and she narrowed them at him. "You almost died, Jay," she said, as if to remind him what happened. "You were almost burned to death in that fire."

"I didn't though. I'm here with you. I'm okay."

She scoffed. "You….what you did yesterday was just so stupid. So idiotic." The tone of her voice was tight. Angry, even.

"I don't regret anything I did." That reply got her even more riled up and she glared at him. But he was telling the truth. There was nothing he would've changed about last night. Except maybe not getting trapped in the first place. But that had been out of their control. The only thing that mattered to him was that she was alright.

She sucked in her cheeks and now he knew that she was truly angry. "You don't get to do that. You don't just get to decide that you're fine with dying, even if it was for my benefit."

"Erin," he started but she cut him off.

"No, Jay. We're partners! The important kind. It's you and me, every day, every hour, every minute. You don't get to decide on your own that you're the one to make sacrifices for me." She shook her head. "You can't just expect me to leave you in that burning building to save myself."

"Erin," he tried again but stopped because he knew she had more to say.

"To hear your voice from the other side telling me to go, to leave you...it killed me. Then for you to use the fact that I love you to get me to leave, that's not fair, Jay."

"I know, I know. I'm sorry for that, Erin." He knew it was unfair but at that point, he was willing to do anything to get her to leave. To get out of the burning building. He'd never forgive himself if she had stayed and gotten hurt just because she was trying to save him.

She nodded, accepting his apology. She sighed and gave him a smile. It was small but it was beautiful all the same. He didn't realize how much he needed to see her smile until that moment. Her smile eased the tightness in his chest and it soothed him. He knew what he was about to say would take the smile off her face but he needed to say it all the same. He needed for her to understand.

"Erin, I'm sorry for using your love for me against you but I'm not sorry for telling you to go." Just as he predicted, the smile fell off her face. "Because there was no way in hell that I was going to let you stay there with me. Not when you could've left and saved yourself."

"Jay."

"Do you realize that the most important thing in the world for me is that you're okay?" he interrupted her. He _needed_ her to understand. "Do you realize that there is nothing— no one— in this world that comes above you? If there was a chance that you could've made it out, then it's a chance I needed to take. There was no way in hell that I was going to be okay with you staying there with me. Not so both of us could be burned to death. Not when you could've left."

Her eyes were glistening now and he felt bad for making her cry but he needed her to understand. It didn't matter to him that he was going to die, just as long as she was going to be okay. That was all he wanted. _Needed._

"I love you, Erin. So damn much. All I thought about while I was on the other side of the door was that you needed to go. You needed to get out of the building. While I was waiting for Severide to come back, all I did was pray that you got out and that you were going to be okay. Nothing else mattered."

The tears in her eyes were falling freely now, too fast for Erin to wipe them away. But she still tried. She took a breath and she stood up, leaning closer to him. Her eyes remained on his as her face inched closer to his until she laid the softest of kiss on his eager lips. It was just what he needed even if the kiss was too short.

"I love you too." she whispered against his face. "I can't even tell you how much because sometimes I can't even wrap my head around it." Her hand stroked his jaw tenderly. "If I lost you yesterday, it'll be it for me, Jay. I can never come back from that." He gulped, her confession tugging at his heart. He understood because he felt the same.

"I'm here." His hand came to join hers that was on his face. He gripped her hand tightly as if to emphasize his point. "I'm okay." She closed her eyes and leaned her forehead against his. "I'm okay," he repeated for good measure, sensing that she needed to hear the words over and over again.

* * *

She hadn't left his side since he woke up and while he was happy that she was here, he was also worried that she was straining herself when she just barely recovered from the ordeal. But Erin was stubborn and she wasn't moving.

"Are you sure you're okay?" he asked for the fifth time.

She rested her chin on his chest and looked up to meet his gaze. "Yes, Jay. I'm fine. Honest." she repeated her answer for the fifth time. "I didn't even need to stay overnight technically but the doctor just wanted to be extra careful."

He ran his thumb on her eyebrow and nodded, accepting her answer. "So you can leave today?'

"Yeah. I'm getting discharged today. Just have to sign some papers."

He nodded again but stopped when he felt another coughing fit coming on. He tried to hold back, not wanting to worry her, but it was nearly impossible. He sat up to get her off his chest and he started coughing again. She sat up quickly and patted his back, trying to help him. After what felt like hours, the coughs finally stopped. He groaned as he laid back down on the bed. The coughs were uncomfortable but they were nothing compared to the deep aches that remained in his chest after. It was painful and he felt like he couldn't get a full breath in.

"I'm gonna go get a doctor," Erin said, getting up from the bed. He didn't want her to leave. He didn't want to get poked and prodded by doctors again. He was fine and he just wanted to leave the hospital with Erin and get into bed with her. That was his plan for recovery. He just needed her and their bed and complete peace and quiet.

He tried to reach for her to stop her but she pulled out of his grasp. "Jay you need to get checked out." He gave in, knowing that he didn't stand a chance when Erin was determined. So he watched her retreating back as she left the room, in search for a doctor.

After an hour later, he was just over everything. He had been poked and examined by the on-call doctor and he had been wheeled out of his room and put through every test imaginable. He felt a headache growing and he was just tired. Erin was biting her fingers now as she waited by his bedside, waiting for the results. For what, he didn't know. After all, Will had told him that he was fine. But the three coughing fits that he had been through in the past half hour told him otherwise.

"Okay. We have the results from the chest x-ray," the doctor said as he came in, holding Jay's chart in his hand. "I don't like what I see when it comes to your lungs."

"But the doctor from last night said Jay was okay."

"Yes but the thing with smoke inhalation is that sometimes we don't catch the extent of the injury until the symptoms worsens. And from what I know about the accident, it seemed as if Jay had been trapped in that room for a long time. That's a lot of time for the smoke to do its damage to his body."

"So I won't be able to leave the hospital today then?" Jay asked although he thought the question was almost rhetorical. It was clear by the doctor's face that he wasn't going to get discharged today.

"I'm afraid not. I like to get you on oxygen treatment right away."

Erin's eyes widened and Jay could feel the worry coming off Erin in waves. He held her hand, intertwining their fingers together. He would be fine, he wanted to reassure her of that.

"The good news is that the injury to your lungs seems mild and there are no signs of infection for right now. More good news is that we can start with a nasal cannula to get oxygen to your lungs so you won't have to wear an oxygen mask until you need it. It's a lot more comfortable for you this way." Jay nodded as he listened to the doctor. "We'll keep you on oxygen treatment and watch for signs of infection."

"Jay will be okay though right?" Erin asked.

"There's no reason why he wouldn't be able to make a full recovery," the doctor gave them what he thought was a comforting smile but it did nothing to lessen the concern on Jay's girlfriend's face. "The nurse will come in to get you started. You will feel weak and lethargic. Maybe even develop a headache. Chest pains are common." Jay nodded, already feeling all the symptoms. "Just try to relax and stay calm. Get a lot of rest and it'll go far in your recovery process." With that the doctor left.

About half an hour later, the nurse helped Jay with the nasal cannula and the steady stream of oxygen was delivered through his nose. Even with the thin transparent pump that was way less obstructive than an oxygen mask, it still hurt Erin to see Jay like this. Even though she tried to keep the worry out of her face— not wanting to concern Jay with her feelings— he saw right through her anyway. He held his hands out, waiting for her to take it. She gave him a small smile as she sat on the edge of his bed, taking his hand like he wanted.

"Do you need anything?" she asked.

"Just you." She smiled and laid a kiss on his forehead, her hand coming up to strand through his short hair. Her lips remained on his forehead and he loved the feelings of her lips on his skin.

"You have me," she mumbled against his skin. "Whenever. For as long as you like."

Her words worked better than the oxygen. They helped him breathe, they ease the tightness in his chest and they calmed him down better than anything. She ordered him to sleep and get some rest and the way her fingers were stroking his hair and her lips were kissing his forehead made it easy for him to comply.

* * *

He had no idea how much time had passed until he heard the knocks on the door. Erin was still next to him but she got up, thinking it was the doctor. But instead, it was Adam who gave them a hesitant smile as he entered.

"Hey. Just wanted to check up on you two. See how you're doing."

Erin scooted until she was sitting on the edge of the bed, giving Adam the chair to sit down on.

"I'm fine. I'm free to leave but Jay, he has to stay for a bit longer."

"Oh? Why? You okay?"

"Yeah, the doctor just saw something he didn't really like but he said I'll be fine. Just need this for a little bit," Jay supplied, pointing to the nasal cannula on his face. "I'll be good as new," he added.

"That's good. That's good, man." Adam scratched the back of his neck, making it clear that he had something else on his mind.

"What's up, Adam?" Erin asked, picking up on the same clue as Jay.

Adam gave them an uncomfortable smile. "It's just you know that we got Bunny yesterday but David is still in the wind." Erin and Jay nodded, having heard the same from Voight last night. "It's just...Bunny.."

"What did she do now?" Erin asked, dreading what kind of trouble her mom had caused now.

"She wants a deal."

"What?" Erin asked, her anger growing. "No way. There's no way she's getting away with what she did." Erin stood up from the bed, fuming. Jay tried to reach out to her, trying to calm her down but it was futile. "No! She can't get away with this."

"Well, the prosecutor is thinking about giving her a deal, in exchange for telling us where David could be."

Erin's nostrils flared at the thought of Bunny once again escaping unscathed from what she did. Bunny had caused some much trouble but she never once had to pay the price. There was no way Erin was letting this happen again.

"Voight thinks that maybe if you talk to Bunny, get the location of David then maybe we don't have to give Bunny the deal," Adam finished, revealing the real reason why he came.

"Will that really work? I mean, Bunny is not selfless enough to give up on a chance to save her own ass," Jay remarked. There was no way Bunny would give up the location of David and gave up her leverage in the situation. Not with prison looming over her.

Erin nodded, agreeing with Jay. "Yeah. But I still have to try, right?" She looked to Jay, a mixture of emotions swirling in her eyes. Jay wanted to hold her in his arms, knowing that Bunny was always a sore spot with Erin. That no matter what, Erin would always have the hope that Bunny wouldn't be as terrible as she was. That there was something worth redeeming about her. If Jay was being honest, he didn't want Erin to go down the path again. He didn't want her to get her hopes up even just a bit about Bunny being a decent person, knowing that Eri would get hurt again. He couldn't see Erin get hurt by Bunny over and over again. But he also knew that there was no way he could stop her. He couldn't stand in the way of Erin needing to see Bunny for who she truly was. Again. So as much as he wanted to protect her, he needed to let her do her thing.

"Yeah," he replied.

"Okay," Adam stood up. "Then I'll take you to the station, Erin. She's being held there until she gets booked." Erin nodded, her eyes still on Jay. Adam got the hint that they wanted some time so he just patted Jay's legs. "Get better soon Halstead. We need you out there. Erin, I'll be in the car. Just come out when you're ready." With that, he made his exit.

"You'll be okay right?" Erin asked Jay, their faces close together. Jay gave her a smile, trying to reassure her that he would be alright. He didn't want her to worry about him when she dealt with Bunny. It would be hard enough for Erin without her needing to worry about him.

"I'll be fine, babe." She kissed him, soft and sweet. She made to pull away but he pulled her head back, deepening the kiss. He didn't care if he needed oxygen or that he had a nasal cannula stuck to his nose. He needed to kiss her more than he needed air. After kissing her for a good amount of time, he finally let go. She smiled and leaned in to give him a few more quick pecks, like she was unable to tear herself away from him. He understood the feeling.

"I'll be back as soon as I can," she said in between kisses. "Try to rest okay?" He nodded, smiling when she gave him one more kiss. She sighed, finally about leave.

"Erin," he called her as she was about to head out the door. Erin turned to look at him. "Be careful, okay?" She gave him a small smile and nodded. She bit her lips and she walked back over to him, giving him one more kiss.

"I love you," she said, stroking his jaw.

"I love you too." With that, she felt ready enough to leave and she exited, leaving Jay in the hospital room alone.

* * *

Voight had Bunny waiting in the interrogation room, the blonde woman shouting out curses to anyone who would listen that she didn't belong there.

"I did nothing wrong here!" Bunny shouted at the glass mirror, assuming that someone was listening on the other side of the one way window. "I'm a victim here too! I was forced!"

Erin stood, her arms crossed, as she watched her mom shout lies after lies, hoping to get herself out of the situation she gotten herself into.

"She's lying," Erin spat, her disgust and anger growing at her mom. "She's just as involved as he is."

"You'll be okay dealing with her?" Voight asked her. Erin nodded.

"Yeah, I'll be fine." With that, she headed towards the interrogation room. Bunny stopped her one woman innocent act when she saw Erin.

"Erin. Thank god you're here!" Bunny said, thinking that Erin was there to bail her out again. "You have to help me, honey. These people think that I had something to do with this."

Erin said nothing as she took her seat right across Bunny. She watched as the older woman floundered through more lies and excuses. "It's not my idea, baby. It's David. He's the one who did everything. He forced me. He was going to kill me if I didn't help him! He threatened my life!" Bunny was growing more and more frustrated when Erin held firm, not believing her lies. "Erin, you have to believe me!"

Erin scoffed. "You have two choices here Bunny. One, you can tell us where David is and you'll be officially cooperative. Maybe it'll help you when you stand in front of the judge and pay for what you did. Or two, you can keep going with your lies and not help us and you can keep talking until your breath runs out in prison."

Bunny looked surprised that Erin was standing her ground this time, expecting her to bail her out again. "Erin, you can't seriously think that I was a part of this did you? I wasn't! At least not willingly."

"Cut the crap Bunny! You really think we don't have intel on you? That we don't have footage of you slapping the women around, taking part in the whole thing. No one was holding a gun to your head. You are a part of this and you're going to pay the price for this."

"Erin."

"Stop, Bunny. Your lies aren't going to save you this time."

"My lies?" Bunny scoffed, shifting gears. "That's funny because the last time I saw you, you are the one that told me that you're not back, that you're not with Jay. and look at you. You are the one with the lies here."

"That has nothing to do with anything here Bunny." Erin shot back. "The reason why I lied about being back is that I want nothing to do with you. I don't want you to know anything about my life. And it has nothing to do with this case."

"I'm your mother."

"Hardly." Erin countered. Then the last time she ran into Bunny came back in Erin's mind. "That's why you were at the market weren't you? You were there to recruit girls there." Of course, it was. Now that things had came to light, Bunny's reason for being at the market was suddenly clear. She was there to recruit girls for their prostitution ring. Erin had ran into Bunny while doing so. Erin wanted to throw up.

Bunny kept silent, not admitting to anything.

"Where's David?" Erin asked, hoping that maybe Bunny would do something good for once and reveal where David could be hiding.

"I want a deal." Erin should've expected it, really. But despite having no expectation of her mother, Erin still couldn't help but be let down once again. "I want a deal. My freedom for David's location."

"No, not going to happen." Erin shook her head. "There's no deal on the table here. Either you tell us where David is and maybe you'll get out of prison before the blonde on your head turns gray or don't and you'll spend the rest of your life there."

"I want a deal, Erin," Bunny said in a sing-song voice, thinking she had the upper leverage. "You want to find out where your father is? Get me out of here." Erin pursed her lips. "And yeah, he is your father Erin."

"Just because he donated sperm doesn't make him my father."

Bunny rolled her eyes. "You could just ignore where you came from. You can pretend as though I'm not your mother and continue living in that fairytale land where Hank Voight is your father but it doesn't change the fact that I'm your mother and David is your father."

"Yeah and what a great father he is right?" Erin spat, her anger no longer contained. "He's the father of the year for trying to kill his daughter!"

Bunny scoffed. "He wouldn't hurt you."

"Yeah?" Erin asked in disbelief. "No, he would just set the building on fire, knowing that his daughter was trapped in a room with no way of getting out. That wasn't to hurt me? That could've killed me!"

"He didn't mean to. He just wanted to get away."

"Don't! Don't make excuses for him!" Erin shouted, slamming her hand on the table in anger. She was over Bunny trying to defend David. He wasn't her father. Erin would never see him as such. After all, what kind of father would let his daughter be burned alive, just to save his own ass? "He's fucking trash and so are you. You two have done a lot of damage to so many people's lives! Did you forget that we found those girls you kept in the basement? Do you know how old they were? The youngest girl was just 14!"

Voight had filled her in on the girls that they rescued from the basement. Transient girls that were on the streets that David and Bunny had kidnapped and were working to trick out. Erin had wanted to kill them both with her hands when she found out. Erin could still remember being 14 and on the streets when Bunny would ditch her and run off to god knew where, leaving Erin to fend for herself. She remembered being cold and hungry and feeling like she had no way out but to sell her body. The fact that Bunny and David were doing the same to girls the same age had disgusted Erin and it made her hate her parents more. They were beyond irredeemable.

"I didn't do anything!" Bunny reasserted again. "I told you, David had threatened my life if I didn't help him!"

"Then you call the cops, Bunny. He threatens you then you let a police officer know. He's on parole, he would've gone back to prison. All you had to do was the right thing."

"You have no idea how dangerous he is, Erin," Bunny said, sounding scared. "He's...he's dangerous and he's scary and he's capable of things that you can't even imagine."

Erin chuckled derisively. "Trust me, I can imagine a few." The fact that she and Jay almost burned to death came to mind.

"You got to help me," Bunny begged, grabbing Erin's hands. "You have to get me out of this baby."

Erin stared Bunny down. "Where's David?"

"Get me a deal."

Erin gritted her teeth and pulled her hand away from her mother. "You're hopeless. I hope you rot in prison for the rest of your life." Erin stood up, the chair scraping against the floor.

"Erin!" Bunny shouted, unable to believe that Erin wouldn't be bailing her out this time. "You can't just leave me here!"

"I can." Erin leaned on the table, giving Bunny one last chance to do the right thing. "You said yourself that David is dangerous. We need to find him and get him off the streets before he does anything bad to someone else. You can help here, mom. You can help us find him. You know him. You know where he'd go. Just tell us. Do the right thing, for once in your life."

"Not without a deal." Erin smirked, not letting her disappointment show.

"I don't even know why I waste my time with you," Erin muttered, slamming the door hard as she walked out of the interrogation room. She should've known that Bunny only cared about saving her own ass. She should've expected it really.

Voight met her on the other side of the door and by the look on his face, he wasn't surprised by the outcome either.

"We're not giving her a deal," Erin stressed. "She's not getting away with this." Voight didn't say anything, scratching his nose. "She's not getting away Hank. We both know she was a part of this as much as David. That she did it willingly. You saw the footage. She can't get away with this. We'll find David on our own and we'll stop him. With or without her help."

Voight nodded, bringing his arm around Erin's shoulder. "Yeah kiddo. We'll get him. They'll both pay for what they did."

* * *

Jay knew as soon as he saw Erin's face that things went just as expected. That Bunny was still the same horrible woman he knew. Erin looked exhausted and Jay just wanted to hold her in his arms. He opened them and waited for Erin to come. She gave him a small smile as she stepped into his waiting arms, clinging onto him. He held her tight, not wanting to let her go even for a second. Not until he was sure she wouldn't fall apart without him holding her.

"I got you," he muttered into her hair as he held her. It was an awkward angle for sure, Jay lying on the bed while she stood, bending down. But neither wanted to let go. She buried her face in the crook of his neck and he laid a kiss on her head, letting her find solace in his embrace. He was just glad that she didn't seem to be crying. He hated to see her cry, especially over Bunny.

She finally pulled away and he watched her carefully, his hand coming up to cup her face, his thumb stroking the underside of her jaw. "You okay?" It was a silly question. One that almost didn't need to be asked but he wanted to make sure just the same.

Erin shrugged as her reply, the expression on her face making it clear that she wasn't okay. Not really. He leaned in to give her a kiss, hoping that it would ease the hurt and disappointment of her encounter with Bunny. She deepened the kiss, allowed him to work her mouth open until he could slip his tongue in. He let out a small pleasant groan when she sucked on his tongue, the sensation feeling far too good. He pulled her head closer, his fingers burying themselves in her hair. The kiss felt too good and it worked as both a distraction and a turn-on. He wanted to pull her on to him, have his way with her but he knew he couldn't. Not while he was still in the hospital bed.

He felt the warmth of loss immediately as soon as she pulled away, their mouth disconnecting. She laid the sweetest of kiss on the corner of his lips, her finger wiping away the wetness. She gave him a smile— still small but more genuine than the one before.

"I'm so lucky to have you," Erin whispered. Jay smiled at her words, his sentiments the exact same as hers. "You're the best thing in my life. You're my family, Jay."

"I feel exactly the same," he returned. She was his life. His world. Everything started and ended with her. No one else. She kissed him again, closing the distance between their faces. He felt himself getting lost in her again, the surrounding around them fading into the background because all he could feel, see and smell was her. Just exactly how he loved it.

It wasn't until someone cleared his throat that broke the moment between them. Jay pulling back, annoyed at whoever interrupted them.

"Sorry," Will said, grimacing when he walked in on a private moment between his brother and his girlfriend. "I don't think making out is on the doctor's recommendation list. Especially when we're trying to get more oxygen into you. Not out." WIll joked but all he earned was glares from both Erin and Jay.

"What are you doing here?" Jay asked, trying not to look too annoyed.

"Just wanted to check up on my big brother. I see by that nasal cannula on your nose that you're not leaving the hospital today?" Jay shook his head. "What did the doctor say?" Jay relayed what the doctor said to WIll. "I see," Will said. "They'll probably want to do more tests and scans before they discharge you. The thing with smoke inhalation is that things can turn suddenly. It's better to be safe and keep you here than be sorry."

Jay frowned, not wanting to stay in the hospital longer than necessary. He just wanted to go home and sleep in his own bed. Erin squeezed his arm, knowing Jay's train of thoughts.

"We'll be home soon," she said, brushing Jay's hair back.

"No, Erin. You can be home right now." The last thing Jay wanted was for Erin to spend another night at the hospital, especially when she didn't have to. Especially if it meant she had to spend it in the uncomfortable chair. "You should go home."

"I'm not leaving you alone," Erin argued. "You're here so I'm here."

"Erin," Jay said, wanting her to be comfortable and get a good night sleep. "I'll be okay here, really. You should go home and get some rest."

"Jay," Erin made to argue but Will stepped in.

"It's better for you to go, Erin. I don't know if you can even stay past visiting hours and besides, Jay will be fine. He needs his rest anyway and if you're here, you'll be too busy making out." Will winked, joking around. Erin glared at the younger Halstead brother but he was immuned at this point to her glare. Jay chuckled, holding Erin's hands.

"See, babe. Will has a point," Jay said, Erin directing her glare onto him now. "It's rare for WIll to be right so let's not waste the moment."

"Hey!" Will shouted, indignant but he was ignored by both Erin and Jay.

"Fine," Erin sighed, giving in. "I'll go home but I'm coming back first thing in the morning."

Jay smiled at his victory. Erin getting a good night's rest was all he wanted. She didn't look too happy to have to leave but she held his face and gave him a kiss all the same.

"Good night," she said, her eyes softening when they met his.

"Good night," he returned, smiling into the kiss. "Love you."

"Yeah yeah," she mumbled, trying to sound annoyed but they both saw through it. "Love you too." She couldn't keep the stern look on her face and her face broke out into a soft smile. "I'll see you first thing in the morning."

"I'll see you in my dreams," Jay winked, Erin blushing at his words.

"Oh come on!" Will groaned. "That is the cheesiest thing I've ever heard!" Jay kept his eyes on Erin as he flipped Will off. Who cared what Will thought? As long as Erin was a fan of his cheesiness, it was all that mattered. And judging by the blush that was still on her face, Erin definitely seemed like a fan.

After one last passionate and all consuming kiss, Erin waved Jay good-bye.

"Come on, Halstead," she hit Will's chest. "You can walk me out."

* * *

Erin parked her car in the regular assigned spot. She was just glad that Adam had taken her to get her car earlier so she didn't need to ask anyone for a ride home. She was even more glad that their building had underground parking so she wouldn't have to spend time outside. It was night already but the temperature still hadn't gone down. The heatwave was still going strong in Chicago and as much as Erin despised the cold, she almost missed it right now.

She exited the car, locking it, and made her way towards the elevator. Usually, she opted for the stairs to get more exercise in but there was no way she was going to dredge herself up the flights of stairs tonight. She just wanted to get home as quick as possible, get into the shower and get a few hours of sleep before she could go back to the hospital and be with Jay.

She checked her phone for messages and saw that she had a few from Voight— telling her that they were keeping the deal for Bunny off the table for another day, giving Bunny to do the right thing. Erin wasn't expecting anything from her mother— not anymore. She turned off her phone and shoved it back in her pants. She kept her head down as she was doing so that she didn't see the body that was blocking her path until it was too late and she collided into the chest of the waiting man. She looked up to see who it was that she ran into, her eyes widening in shock and fear and she let out a gasp when the chilling eyes of David were peering down at her, a sinister grin on his face. She tried to take a step back but his hands gripped her in place, his fingers digging into her skin.

"Hello Erin."

* * *

Jay shifted in the bed, trying to get more comfortable to get some sleep. He wanted Erin there with him but he was just happy that she listened and went home. As much as he wanted her here, he wanted her to get a good night sleep even more.

"Knock knock," Jay squinted an eye open as Will came in.

"What are you doing here again?'

"Just checking on you one more time before I finish my rounds," Will replied, coming over to Jay's beside. "You need anything?"

"Erin." was Jay's short reply.

Will chuckled. "Well, I can't help you there. I'm surprised that she even listened to you and actually went home. Guess she must love you more than I thought."

"Shut up," Jay retorted. "Now go and let me get some sleep. The bed and the hospital are already uncomfortable enough without your presence." Jay tried to sound annoyed but the two brothers knew that he was just kidding.

"Okay, okay," Will held his hand up. "Get some sleep. Erin will be back tomorrow morning with your things so you can change into your clothes."

Jay's eyes snapped open at Will. "What?"

"I told Erin that she could bring your things tomorrow. I think the doctor will be fine with it, you just really need to keep that cannula on your nose. No need to be in uncomfortable gown while you're at it."

Will was too busy rambling on that he didn't notice Jay's expression on his face. "You fucking idiot!" Jay cussed, Will caught off guard by the outburst.

"What?"

"You told Erin to bring clothes for me?"

"Yeah?" Will sounded confused. He had thought Jay would appreciate being in his clothes and be more comfortable. Jay groaned, closing his eyes at Will's replay. "What's wrong?"

Jay huffed. "She's going to find it," he muttered. "She's going to find it."

"Find what?"

Jay groaned, already seeing Erin opening his sock drawer to get him a new pair and her finding the small box he had tucked in there for safe keeping. 'Fuck!' he cursed WIll in his mind. He had worked so hard to keep it a surprise, to keep it to himself until he found the perfect time. And now because of Will, Erin might find the box he had hidden away.

"Jay? What is Erin going to find?" Jay didn't reply but the look on his face gave Will the answer he was looking for. "_Oh!" _Will grimaced when he finally understood what he did. "I didn't know, man."

"Can you just give me your phone and I can call her?" Jay held his hand out, hoping that he could stop her before she went into his drawer. He wasn't ready for her to see it yet. Not until he could give her the proposal that she deserved. Will quickly took out his phone and handed it over to Jay.

Jay waited, his heart beating out of his chest, until Erin picked up. But she didn't. Her phone immediately went to voicemail and Jay frowned.

"She's not picking up?" Jay shook his head. "Maybe she's in the shower or had gone to sleep?"

Jay tried her phone again. Still no answer. He tried the landline that Erin had insisted on keepin at their place. No answer on there either. He tried five more times but everytime, he didn't hear the voice he wanted to hear.

"Something's wrong," Jay said, his voice shaky, as he hung up the phone for the sixth time. It was inexplicable but he just had this dreadful feeling come over him. He just _knew_ that something had happened. Something was wrong. He felt the tightness returned to his chest, squeezing his heart.

He just knew in his heart that something had happened to Erin.


	36. Chapter 36

Chapter 36

Jay had never been an open book and Will would never claim to know everything there was to know about him but there were a few things he knew were facts when it came to his brother.

One was that Jay was completely in love with Erin. Will had known that for years, ever since Jay kept dropping Erin's name during their infrequent phone conversations when Will was still living in New York. It only took about three times of Jay pivoting every topic back to Erin that clued Will in that whoever this woman was, his brother was heads over heels for her, despite Jay claiming that there was nothing really going on between them at the time. Even though it had been years that those phone conversations had taken place, that was a fact that remained unchanged.

Two was that Jay's stubbornness was quite possibly the worst quality of his. Growing up, that very same quality played a huge role in why Will and Jay had gotten into fights. Not just brotherly fights that they'd forget about an hour later; but he was talking about all out, dragged out fights that resulted in them having to be picked up by their ears by their mom and forced to apologize to each other. It wasn't always easy growing up with Jay and even though they were in their thirties now, Jay still saw Will as his little brother that he used to fight with and had to look out for. Jay was never one to back down from what he thought was right. One to never change his mind once it was already made up.

And those two facts together led Will to observe this third fact about Jay— that he definitely wasn't in any condition to check himself out of the hospital against medical advice to go on a wild goose chase. Especially when they couldn't even be sure that Erin was in any sorts of trouble. No matter how much Jay loved Erin.

But his brother was stubborn and it was why Will had to push Jay back down onto the hospital bed and forced him to stay there. And the fact that Will was able to overpower the stronger Jay so easily just proved that Jay wasn't 100% and was in no condition to go on any sort of mission right now. And the harsh and rough coughs that followed just helped Will's argument.

"Just stop!" Will shouted, his frustration boiling over after struggling with Jay to calm down for five minutes already. He understood why Jay was upset but they had no facts to go on. Just that Jay wasn't able to reach Erin on her phone and this supposed gut feelings of his that Erin was in trouble.

"I swear to god Will, move or I'll make you move!" Jay threatened but Will wasn't backing down. Will had never really put much importance on working out. He stayed fairly fit, sure, but his muscles weren't bulging like Jay's because what use did he have for them in the hospital? But given the weakened state Jay was in right now— working himself into a fit more— Will reckoned he didn't need too much strength to take Jay down.

"Yeah, I love to see you try," Will shot back, lifting his brows to challenge Jay. "You can barely get a sentence out without huffing."

"Erin's in trouble. Okay? I know something's wrong. I can't explain it. I have to go look for her," Jay pleaded, sounding more and more desperate by the second. "I don't have time to fight with you right now!"

Jay tried to stand up again, pushing his blanket away and ripping off the nasal cannula from his nose in a way that Will knew had to hurt Jay. But his brother barely flinched, too focused on Erin.

"Okay! Okay! Just calm down for a second!" Will was getting annoyed now so barely using his strength, he pushed Jay back down on the bed. "Fucking stop!" He gripped Jay's arms and forced his brother to look at him. He had never seen his brother like this before. Jay was more calm and rational than this. But Will guessed that when anything involved Erin, Jay could become a wild card. But this rashness wasn't going to do them any good right now.

Jay tried to struggle some more but all the haste and movement just tired him out and finally, Will was able to hold his brother down so he couldn't move at all.

"You good now?" Will demanded. "Good!" Will spat when Jay nodded, indicating that he wouldn't be trying to fight back. Will grimaced when Jay launched into another coughing attack. "Okay, if you promise to stop acting like an idiot, I'll let go of you." Jay glared at him but nodded all the same, allowing Will to slowly release his hold on Jay.

"Erin…." Jay wheezed out.

"I know," Will interjected, if only to stop Jay from speaking when he sounded out of breath already. "I get it. You're worried, you're scared. But Jay, we don't know if anything even happened. Okay? She could've fallen asleep and didn't hear the phone ring or went out somewhere and lost track of time."

Jay tsked, getting worked up again from getting dismissed. "I _know_! Okay? I know something happened. Like I said, I can't explain it but there's a gut feeling in my stomach." Jay shook his head. "Let me go Will. I have to see if she's alright."

"Okay, let's establish something right now. One is that you're not going anywhere. Look at yourself right now, you idiot! You can barely get a word out without panting like you just ran a marathon and you're not helping yourself by getting worked up even more. Even if Erin is in trouble, how are you going to be any help to her when you look like you're going to pass out any second? She'll end up having to rescue your dumbass!"

Jay opened his mouth to protest but Will held up his finger, shutting his brother up.

"And two, we should make sure that there is actually a problem first before we start ringing the fire alarms."

"Call Voight," Jay said, waving his fingers. "Call Voight and have him go by our place. I need to make sure he sees Erin with his own eyes and that she's okay. _Please!_" Jay begged.

Will sighed, taking out his phone from his scrubs and dialed the Sergeant's number, getting through after a couple of rings.

"Hey Voight, it's Will. Um, listen. This is going to sound crazy and everything but we need your help." Will spoke into the phone, relaying Jay's request, hoping that he wasn't coming off like a lunatic and sending Voight out on an errand this time at night. But the Sergeant easily agreed, even if it was to give himself a peace of mind about his daughter's well-being. "Yeah, let me know as soon as you see her. Thanks." He hung up the phone. "Okay, he's going to swing by your place with Al and let us know."

Jay nodded, looking a little bit relieved but not nearly enough. But it was all they could do in the moment.

The next thirty minutes went by torturously slow. Will excused himself for a little bit to sign out of his shift and had immediately returned to Jay's side, finding him in a more agitated state than the one Will left him in. Jay's body was completely tense and his face remained tight, neither of them making conversation, as they waited for Voight's phone call that everything was okay.

"Man, maybe you should put your cannula back on," Will suggested, after hearing Jay cough for the fifth time in a span of five minutes. But Jay just shook his head, pushing the cannula away. That stubbornness.

Finally Will's phone rang and Jay looked like he wanted to leap out of bed to answer it but Will beat him to the punch. If there was bad news from the other side, Will wanted to soften the blow for his brother.

"Voight, tell me that Erin just fell asleep," Will asked with a hint of a smile, hoping for the best. But as Voight relayed what he found out, the smile slipped from his face, something Jay immediately noticed.

Will would swear that he saw the exact moment Jay's face crumbled, the hint of optimism that Erin was fine and that Jay was wrong fell from his face, when Jay realized that something was very wrong. Will hung up the phone, dreading having to tell Jay what happened.

"I knew it," Jay spat as soon as he saw Will's face, the latter not even having to say anything. "I fucking knew it!"

"He went by your place and Erin wasn't there. Her car was parked in the garage but she never made it back home."

Jay cussed a string of cursed words that would've made their mother wash his mouth out with soap. Jay pushed himself out of bed and stood up, unsteady on his feet from being in bed for a long time. He balanced himself by gripping the side of the bed and took a couple of deep breaths.

"Um so Voight used his badge to get a look at the security camera and um…" Will paused, knowing what he was about to tell Jay would break his brother. "The cameras caught Erin in the garage and a man ambushed her and forced her into his car. Voight said it was David."

Jay punched the bed in anger, letting a few more curse words out.

"Who's David?" Will asked, being out of the loop.

Jay was panting heavily, teetering between almost passing out and trying to stabilize himself. What little progress that Jay made in his recovery seemed to be wiped away. Will knew that even though smoke inhalation from being trapped in the fire could seem like a fairly minor thing, it could suddenly take a turn for the worse. Not to mention, Jay had been trapped in that room for a long time and breathed in the toxic carbon monoxide during that span. And Will was also well aware of the fact that most of the fatalities in fires were due to smoke inhalation so yeah, Jay definitely needed to take it easy, even if he thought of himself as Superman.

"The bastard is her father," Jay answered. "He's the fucking guy who trapped us in the room and set the place on fire."

Will was in shock at what Jay said. That Erin's father would want to hurt her. He didn't know much about Erin's family, only hearing bits and pieces from Jay ranting about her mother. But it seemed as though Erin's family was pretty messed up. Not that he was in a place to judge, the Halsteads weren't a beacon example of a loving traditional family either. He was caught up in his thoughts that he wasn't really paying attention to Jay pulling his hospital gown off and going over to where his personal belonging bag was sitting on the chair, pulling the shirt that he was wearing yesterday when he was admitted back on his body.

"Hey, what are you doing?" Will asked, even though he pretty much already knew. His brother wasn't one to sit idly by, not when Erin was in trouble.

"What the fuck do you think I'm doing?" Jay retorted, the nearly unsalvageable clothes from the fire being pulled onto his body. "I'm fucking getting out of here and going to the station!"

"You're in no condition," Will pointed out, trying to stop Jay.

"Erin's in trouble! I don't care if I'm fucking half dead and on life support. I'm not going to lay in that hospital bed like a useless fuck while she's out there with him!"

"Jay, you're not discharged yet."

"I'll sign myself out," Jay argued. Jay tried to get out of the room but Will stepped in the way, hoping that his brother would see reason that he needed to stay in the hospital. Not run off to play hero to Erin.

"Jay, come on."

Jay stepped in front of Will's face, fire coming out of his eyes, as he stared Will down. "I swear to fucking god Will, move out of my way right now or you'll regret it."

If there was another fact that Will knew, it was that Jay was at his most dangerous when his voice got real low and quiet like right now. Jay had his moments where his suppressed anger would bubble over and burst out but when that version Jay came out, he could usually be reasoned with. But when his voice got real low and quiet and his eyes would become shards of ice, there was no reasoning with _that_ Jay.

"Fine," Will gave in, knowing he'd just be wasting time. Jay wasn't backing down, no matter what. "At least let me drive you there."

* * *

The bullpen was buzzing, even though everyone had been pulled out of bed unexpectedly in the middle of the night. But when one of them was in trouble, they were there to help out.

"Run that tape again!" Voight ordered as the footage from the security cameras played in a loop on the screen. They all watched closely as Erin was stopped when David stepped out in front of her, they all noticed the gun that was pointed in Erin's stomach— barely noticeable at the angle of the camera but it was enough— and they all cussed under their breath when Erin did the smart thing by complying with whatever David was saying and got into the car with the guy. That was the last they had seen of the female detective.

Voight rubbed his face before telling Kevin to stop the tape. There were only so many times they could watch one of their own being taken. They would just have to take comfort in the fact that Erin seemed unharmed-for now anyways.

"This is her father. How could he do this to his own daughter?" Adam asked, unable to fathom the fact that a parent could ever harm their child.

"You read his rap sheet. Violent assaults, kidnapping, murder. You name it, this guy is deranged enough to have done it."

"Did they get anything from the plates?" Voight asked.

"The plates from the car came back stolen," Kevin replied, just as they had expected. "We have an APB and bolo out for the car but nothing so far."

They all turned when they heard footsteps coming up the stairs and none of them were surprised to find Jay making his way up, looking worse for the wear. Will was behind him, like he was ready to catch his brother if Jay fell.

"What are you doing here Halstead?" Voight asked, coming closer to inspect Jay.

"What do you think? Erin's missing. Where else would I be?" Jay responded, brushing past Voight, making it clear that no one was making him leave.

"You look like you can barely stand and I'm guessing you went against doctor's advice and signed yourself out right?" Voight looked over to Will for confirmation and Will nodded. "Look, I get it okay? You want to be here but you really should be in the hospital until you're 100% recovered. We got this."

Jay paid his Sergeant no mind. Instead, he headed over to Atwater's desk after noticing that he had a notepad out, reading it and watched the footage. He didn't blink once as he watched David holding a gun to Erin, the two of them exchanging words that Jay couldn't hear, before David pulled Erin away and dropped her into the passenger seat before tying a blindfold on her face. Jay watched every excruciating seconds until the car that they were in exited the parking garage, David taking Erin to who knows where.

"You guys got the plates but still no location?" Jay looked to the group, who looked like they didn't really know what to do, their eyes studying Jay's condition. He sighed. "I'm fine."

Voight came closer to Jay. "Look kid, smoke inhalation is no joke okay? The doctor had you stay longer and had you on oxygen for a reason. You shouldn't be on your feet right now."

Jay stared Voight down, toeing up with the older man. "I'm fine," he gritted out, his jaw working. "This is where I need to be. Now can we stop wasting time worrying about me and get back to the important thing. Finding Erin."

"Jay," Will stepped forward but all he did was anger Jay.

"For fuck's sake!" Jay shouted, slamming his hands on Atwater's desk, the papers and files on it jumping from the force. "I said I'm fucking fine! I'm not leaving! So can we just stop fucking wasting time?"

Just as Jay was done with his outburst, he started coughing, proving his point wrong. Kim rushed over to hand him a bottle of water from her desk and patted his back as he took a sip, trying to stop the coughing fit. He exhaled after managing to stop the coughing attack.

"Let's look at the last known locations of David," Al spoke, Jay giving him a grateful smile for shifting the attention back on to the case, instead of him.

Voight sighed, scratching his nose, before giving in. "Let's see it."

* * *

Erin studied the small windowless room that she was taken to, trying to find a way out. It was dark— so dark that she could barely see a few feet in front of her. The only source of light seemed to be coming from the small flashlight that David— or more correctly, her father— was holding, the light shining in her face. Ering groaned, her eyes trying to adjust to the light after she had been kept blindfolded till' now. She had no idea where she was brought to and looking at the featureless room, she could only venture a guess. It was a shot in the dark, literally. Her eyes got a reprieve from the light when the flashlight was redirected and the man who was responsible for her being here came into view, the sneer on his face made it clear that whatever he had planned for Erin, it wasn't good.

"What?" she asked, wondering what had him so amused as he circled the chair she was tied to.

"I'm just looking at you. You sure turned out pretty. Looks like I picked the right woman to have a child with."

Erin scoffed. "Yeah, seeing as how both of you are equally fucked as one another, you sure did. Lucky me."

The grin on David's face fell at her sass and he scowled. "Careful sweetheart. Your mouth always got you in trouble, didn't it?"

"Seeing as how you were never in my life, how would you know?" Erin snapped back. She'd be damned if she would let David see a hint of fear.

David laughed. "Sassy," he said in a tone that made Erin's skin crawl. "You really are your mother's daughter."

Erin wanted to protest that she was nothing like Bunny but instead she focused on more important things, like why he had brought her here.

"What do you want David? Why did you bring me here?"

"I just thought that we should get to know one another. As father and daughter."

"Bullshit," Erin spat, not believing him for a second. "You don't give a damn about me and you're not going to start now. What do you want? You must want something, if you went through all that trouble to get me here."

"Oh, it wasn't trouble at all," David taunted. "Finding out your address was pretty easy. And you have very trusting neighbors. They were so kind enough to open the garage gates for me. All I had to do was wait for you to come home eventually. It was just my luck that your boyfriend wasn't with you."

"Yeah because he's in the hospital because of you!" Erin spat, getting angry when thinking of Jay getting hurt because of him. She wanted to get her hands on the man and wring his neck for every horrible thing he had done.

"Too bad he didn't die," David taunted her. "I was really hoping that the fire would do its job." He shrugged, Erin gritting her teeth to contain her anger. "But I guess it all turns out for the best that you're still alive."

Erin tried to move back as far as she could in the chair that she was tied to when David inched closer towards her, a menacing look on his face. He leaned down and got right in her face, his hands grabbing her jaw.

"What do you want?" Erin asked. "You could've gotten out of town already. But you stuck around for a reason. Why? Why risk getting found out by grabbing me?"

He smirked. "Because you, my darling, are my bargaining chip."

* * *

Jay stood up from his chair as soon as he heard the sound of footsteps and he made his way over to the stairs immediately, getting ready to intercept Adam and Antonio coming back.

"Well?" he asked, bouncing on his feet, even before the two men were able to close the gates to Intelligence. "What happened?"

Antonio shook his head. "The car was empty. He ditched it."

"Fuck," Jay cursed to himself, his hand balled up into a fist and rested on his forehead. "There was nothing there?"

"Sorry, man." Adam patted Jay's back as they made their way further into the bullpen. It only took a look at their faces for the team to know that the car that was used to kidnap Erin that the patrol found in a supermarket parking lot was a dead end. They were back to the drawing board.

Jay was pacing back and forth, trying to think of what else to do. He had his hands cocked on his hips, the stress and worry bringing on the beginning of a headache. Not that he'd let anyone know about it. He also had relent when Voight stopped him from going to the parking lot to check out the car, he wasn't going to stay by the sideline another time. He just needed to think of a way, something that could help them find Erin.

"Bunny!" Jay said suddenly, striding over to Voight. "She'd know where he is. Where he took Erin. We need to talk to her!"

"Jay, she's not gonna talk unless we give her a deal," Voight said.

Jay frowned. "So give her a deal then!" Jay retorted back. In his mind, it was an easy deal to make. A no brainer. He'd make a deal with the devil himself if it meant that Erin would be safe. "She's in lock-up downstairs right?" He started to head over there but was stopped by a hand on his chest. Voight's.

"It's not that easy," Voight started. "Erin didn't want Bunny to get a deal. She didn't want Bunny to get a get out of jail free card this time."

"That was before Erin was kidnapped!" Jay returned, confused as to why Voight would ever second guess whether to give Bunny a deal or not. Jay didn't care if Bunny got away with murder at this point. If she knew the location of where David could've taken Erin, then Jay would have driven Bunny across the damn country border himself.

"Erin wouldn't have wanted this!" Voight reiterated, stopping Jay from going to see Bunny.

"Isn't finding Erin more important right now?" Jay asked, looking around the room for support. "You know the things that David has done. He didn't have a second thought about trapping his own daughter in that room and setting the whole place on fire. He's not going to show Erin mercy because he's her father. He doesn't give a damn about her. It's up to us to get her back."

"Don't you dare doubt me for a second about wanting to find Erin, Jay," Voight warned. "I've known her since she was 14. She's like my daughter!"

Jay didn't cower from his Sergeant. Instead, he stood taller to face Voight. "Then as her father— her real father, the one that matters— you should be willing to do anything to make her safe."

"Even going against Erin's wishes?" Voight asked. "You say you love her and I have no doubt about that. But do you respect her and what she wants?"

Jay huffed. It was a low blow from Voight.

"You know I do," Jay replied, scoffing as if his answer needed to be said. He wet his lips, shaking his head softly. "I get that you're doing what you think Erin wants. You're not willing to be the bad guy here. I am. If Erin hates me after this is all over then so be it. She can hate me. As long as she's okay, I'm happy to be the villain here."

"There's no deal on the table here," Voight said, trying to reason with Jay. "The A.D.A took the deal off the table. There's nothing to give Bunny."

But Jay was no longer listening. He wasn't going to stand there any longer, as the seconds ticked away with Erin in the wind.

"Jay!" Voight barked to Jay's retreating back. "Halstead!"

The only reply that came was the slamming of the metal gate.

* * *

Jay could count the amount of people he hated— truly hated— on both of his hands. The woman that was sitting on one of the bunk beds in the cell, hunched over with her face in her hands, was one of the rare fews that made her way onto his list.

"Bunny," he called her name and the woman looked up, confused at why Jay was there.

"What do you want Jay?" Bunny questioned. It was no secret that they didn't like the other presence in Erin's life. Jay knew Bunny was nothing but poison in Erin's life and Bunny thought Erin belonged with someone she approved of, not the rule abiding, clean-cut detective like Jay.

"You know where David took her, don't you? I need you to tell me. Where did he take her?" Jay asked, his hands gripping the metal bars of the jail cell.

Bunny frowned, looking confused. "What are you talking about? Are you high?"

He pulled on the metal bars as if they could move but he was angry— pissed off as hell, really— and it was the way he decided to let his anger out. "Where is she?" Jay asked again. "Where did David take Erin?"

Bunny's eyes widened at the information and she rushed over to where Jay was standing. "What? David has Erin?"

Jay had to hand it to Erin's mom. The woman had the innocent act down perfectly.

"Don't fuck around with me right now, Bunny. Where did he take her?"

"I swear on my life I don't know. I don't even know what's going on right now. I've been locked up down here since last night!"

Jay exhaled. "David has Erin right now. He kidnapped her right from our building and pulled a gun on her."

"Oh no!"

Jay rolled his eyes. "Cut the crap Bunny."

"I really didn't know!" Bunny shouted, defending herself. "I didn't know that he would take her."

Jay had no time to think about if she was even telling the truth right now.

"You need to tell me where he could've taken Erin," Jay tried again. "If anyone would know, it's you."

"How would I know?"

"Don't play stupid right now. We know that you've been with the guy ever since he got out of prison last year. You two are thick as thieves, he's your boyfriend. You two pimped out women together. Every speck of blood on his hands is also on yours."

"It doesn't mean I would help him hurt Erin. She's my daughter or did you forget that, Jay?" Bunny asked mockingly.

Jay sneered. "I'm not the one who'd forget that she's a mother here, Bunny. How many times have you let Erin down? How many times has she saved your ass when you needed her?"

"She certainly didn't save my ass this time," Bunny argued, holding out her arms. "Why do you think I'm still locked up down here like some criminal?"

"That's because you are a criminal!" Jay shouted. "You put yourself here! Don't blame Erin for what you did."

"All I know is that she could've gotten me a deal. She could've gotten David's location earlier and got me out. But she didn't and now she's paying the price for it."

Jay looked at Bunny in disbelief. He knew that Bunny was selfish and horrible and didn't deserve to be a mother. But even with everything that Bunny had done, he still believed that Bunny did love Erin in her own twisted way. But the way she was callously dismissing the fact that Erin was in danger right now— almost gloating at the fact— Jay was completely disgusted by the woman in front of him.

"You're despicable," was the only thought that came to his mind. "You only care about yourself. You don't care what happens to your own daughter."

"Oh please," Bunny scoffed, dismissing Jay like he was overreacting. "David wouldn't hurt Erin. She's his daughter."

"He had no problem trying to burn her alive just yesterday!" Jay pointed out harshly. Perhaps all the years of abusing drugs and alcohol had gone to Bunny's brain, affecting her short term memory. "He doesn't give a damn about Erin and he won't hesitate to hurt her. You know that and I know that." He exhaled, trying to control himself and try to reach that part of Bunny that he could reason with. "Please Bunny, you can help. You worked with David and you are the closest to the guy. You would know his hiding spots. Places he could've taken Erin."

Bunny seemed to think for a second before she turned to look at Jay again. "Get me a deal and I will tell you."

Jay snapped his head back, unable to fully comprehend that this woman was willing to let her daughter get hurt just because Bunny didn't want to pay the price of what she had done.

"Wow," Jay breathed out, shaking his head in disbelief. "There's no deal on the table Bunny. Even if I wanted to give you one, the D.A won't."

"Then I guess I can't help you there, Jay."

Jay sucked in a breath, trying to temper his anger down. He wanted to shake the woman, even if it was to find just an ounce of decency from her. His jaw clenched, causing the vein on the side of his face to bulge out. He gripped the metal bars tighter, trying to inhale and exhale to get himself under control. The anger wasn't helping his already agitated state and he felt his headache grow, the side of his head pounding harder by the minute. He clenched his eyes shut for a brief moment, just to get his bearings back. And in his attempt to drown everything out for a brief reprieve, he didn't notice Voight arrive at the lock-up.

After Jay felt a little bit more stable, he opened his eyes again and looked at Bunny.

"What do you want from me Bunny?" he asked. "Do you want me to beg you? Because I would. Do you want me to get on my knees right now and grovel for your help? I can do that. Do you want me to cut off my arm? You can have both of them. Do you want me to lead a suicide mission to break you out of jail and drive you to the Canadian border? Let's fucking go! What do you want? What can I do to get you to help me find Erin? Name it and I'll do it."

He knew he sounded desperate, practically begging Bunny right now, but he didn't care. If she wanted him to walk across a mile of hot coals barefoot, he'd do it. Anything she wanted, he was willing to do, if it meant she'd tell him where David was hiding.

"Please," Bunny scoffed, rolling her eyes.

Jay grunted, tugging at the bars brutally. "Damn it! Screw you!" he spat, no longer able to contain his anger. "Erin loves you. Even after all the crap you pulled and everything you've done, she still loves you. She saved your life how many times now Bunny? Do you even know how many times I've heard her tell me about the times she had to save you from O.D-ing? How she had to make sure that you wouldn't choke to death on your own vomit? Or the times she had to steal stuff from the corner store so both of you wouldn't starve to death? She has taken care of you since she was old enough to walk. And the one time— _one fucking time!_\- she needs you to come through for her, you won't. You're too busy trying to save your own ass to save your own daughter." He felt another coughing attack coming on but he tried to hold it down. "So I'm begging you here, Bunny. Please. You can save Erin's life right now so please, do the right thing here. For once."

Bunny didn't speak. Instead she just kept her eyes on Jay, looking at the desperation on his face. Jay was imploring her with everything he had to just tell him where David could be hiding out. After a stand-off for what felt like hours, it was clear that Bunny wasn't budging. Jay let out a mirthless chuckle, half in disbelief and the other half like he was expecting it, and he just shook his head, ready to head back up. Bunny would never change and he was wasting precious time, trying to hope for the best when it came to Erin's mom.

He turned, heading back to the bullpen, when Bunny finally gave in.

"Westside Warehouse!" Bunny called out, Jay whipping his head around at Bunny unexpectedly revealing the location. He quickly made his way back over to the jail cell to get more information. Bunny sighed, crossing her arms. "He has a storage unit in Westside Warehouse on Adams. He doesn't know that I know about it and it's the only location I could think of that he could've taken Erin to. He keeps it off the books and he pays for it with cash. I only found out because he missed a payment and I just happened to answer the phone when they called to collect the money."

"What's the storage number?" Jay asked, ready to head over there right away with guns ablazing.

"234."

"Thank you!" Jay said, nodding at Bunny for coming through for Erin. He turned around, ready to share the information with the team.

"Jay!" Bunny called his name, Jay turning to look at her. "Find my daughter!"

Jay nodded. "I will." That was a promise he was making to himself.

He started to run out of the lock-up, turning the corner, and immediately ran into Voight who was leaning on the wall, listening to the conversation.

"Serge!" Jay exclaimed. "Bunny gave us the location. We have to go."

"I heard," Voight said, putting his hand on Jay's shoulder and squeezing it. "Good job, Halstead."

* * *

The Intelligence team flanked against the wall that the storage units were lined up at, moving quietly through the dark corridors. Jay was leading the way, holding his gun in his hand, his heart pounding out of his chest. That was it. This was where David was keeping Erin.

He gestured to Atwater who was behind him with a nod, signaling that they were moving ahead. One by one, they treaded lightly on their feet as unit 230 and 232 came and went. Finally they saw the unit Bunny said belonged to David— 234— and found the lock undone and tossed on the ground nearby.. Jay pressed his ear against the roll-up door, trying his best not to make any noise. The last thing they needed was David being tipped off that the police were here. Jay held his breath as he listened for any hint of noise and sound coming from the other side. He needed to hear Erin's voice, knowing that if she was going to be kidnapped, she certainly wouldn't remain quiet about it. But there was only silence coming from the other side.

He shook his head to the rest of the group, letting them know that he couldn't hear anything. Voight sucked in his cheeks, debating what to do next. Jay tensed his jaw, trying to catch Voight's eyes and let him know that they were there and they weren't leaving without barging through the door and tearing the place apart. Voight understood and nodded, giving Jay the go-ahead to breach.

Jay counted down to three with his fingers and pulled the door up, pointing his gun at the people inside.

"Chicago P.D!" he shouted. "Get down on the ground!"

* * *

Dejection and hopelessness were radiating off everyone as they dredged themselves back up to the bullpen. It was like they came crashing back down to earth, all the hopes they had earlier of finding Erin shattering the second they found that the storage room was empty. No hint of Erin. No indication that she was ever there in the first place.

Jay plopped himself down onto his chair, dropping his face into his hands. He had gotten his hopes up that Erin would be easily found, that she'd be there at the storage unit like Bunny had said. That hope had plummeted, just like his stomach, the second he found that Erin wasn't there, that she was still out there somewhere. And they had no way of knowing what David was doing to her right now.

"We're gonna find her." He felt Kim lay a comforting hand on his hunched back, a warm smile on her face. Jay wanted to shake it off, not feeling like he deserved to be comforted right now, but he just nodded. After all, Kim was just trying to be nice, she didn't deserve him being rude to her. No matter how much he hated empty platitudes.

"Guys, we just got sent a message!" Kevin shouted suddenly, getting everyone's attention. They all rushed over to the computer and Atwater clicked on the email, from an unknown address. The message was simple. Just 'watch me' and a video file attached. Kevin quickly clicked on it, playing the video and they all held their breath.

The black screen shifted and Erin came into view, Jay nearly sagging in relief at seeing her face. She looked relatively unharmed, her hair a little tousled, but it was a far cry from all the harrowing thoughts that were running through Jay's head of what was happening to his girl. They all remained deathly quiet as an off-screen voice ordered Erin to start talking.

"Um, you guys probably know by now that I was kidnapped and you probably know that it was David," Erin started speaking, her voice sounding hoarse. She was trying not to sound scared but Jay knew that she was probably scared out of her mind. Even if it wasn't for her own safety, then probably for what her missing was doing to him. "David has a few demands for my release," Erin continued, her eyes glancing over at the man who was off-screen every few seconds. "He wants…..he wants…"

David came into the picture as he walked over to Erin and pulled on her hair, tugging her head back. She yelped in pain but quickly quieted down. Jay fisted his hands at seeing David hurt Erin, vowing revenge on the bastard.

"What my daughter here is supposed to say is that I want my money back," David said through the screen. "You guys froze all of my assets and I want it all back, every last penny. You know how hard I had to work for my money right? How many women I had to break and sell," he sniggered, as if it was something to laugh about. "As soon as the banks open tomorrow, I want all of my money transferred back to this account," David demanded, holding up a piece of paper with the routing number onto the camera. "If I don't get my money back by 8:30 on the dot, then Erin is coming back to you, piece by piece. As soon as I get my money, I'll tell you guys how to get Erin back," David said, squeezing Erin's face in a grip that was too tight. Erin was struggling, trying to get his hands off of her, but he squeezed it tighter, causing her more pain. "Say bye for now, Erin."

With that the video ended.

* * *

"How the hell did we freeze all of his bank accounts?" Antonio asked, everyone's eyes turning to Voight for answers.

"I didn't," Voight replied. "The Feds did. As soon as David went on the run and the D.A got involved, so did the Feds. they figured that with all of his cash and assets frozen, he couldn't have gotten far."

"And he didn't," Olinsky spoke up. "That's why he's still in Chicago and not half way to Canada by now. He doesn't have any money. That's why he's using Lindsay as leverage to get his money back."

"And the second we transfer the money, he won't need Erin anymore and she's as good as dead," Jay reasoned, pacing back and forth with hands on his hips. There was a reason why police didn't give into the demands of the kidnappers. Because it rarely ever worked out the way it was supposed to. After all, someone who was willing to kidnap a person or take a person hostage, typically wasn't one for keeping their end of the bargain.

After striking out with Bunny, who swore up and down that she didn't know this location from the video, they were back to page one. They were desperate trying to find a way to find out the location of where the video was shot or the source of where the video was sent from.

"It's dark, the only source of light is coming from the camera and what looks like a flashlight. That means there's no windows," Kim pointed out, studying the freeze frame of the video closely. "It could be anything from a room in an apartment that doesn't have windows to a storage unit like the one from earlier."

"It has to be a storage unit," Antonio argued. "Listen to the sound of their voice. It sounds like he has her in a small space."

"And lucky for us, there are thousands of storage units in Chicago. How are we going to narrow it down?"

It was a question no one had an answer to.

* * *

Jay rubbed his face tiredly as he waited for the connection on his computer screen to go through. He was exhausted and the headache was still there, still pounding away. His chest was hurting him and he wasn't sure if it was from the lingering effects of the smokes or because Erin was still missing and he was scared out of his mind for her.

"Jay?" Finally the connection went through and Jay quickly snapped his head up to find the person that could help him on the other side.

"Mouse!" Jay sighed, relieved that he was able to get through to the other man.

"What's up, man?" Mouse greeted his friend happily, unaware of everything that had gone down. "How you doing?"

Jay tried to give his best friend a smile but he was sure it came off more of a grimace, a difference that Mouse definitely noticed judging by the frown that came over his face.

"You okay man?" Mouse asked, squinting his eyes.

Jay shook his head. "No, I'm not." He rubbed his face again, letting Mouse know just how not good he was doing. "I….I need your help. I know that you're overseas right now and you have your plates full and I'm probably bothering you and everything but you're the only person I could think of that could help me," Jay rambled on.

"Hey, hey!" Mouse interjected, stopping Jay. "It's okay. Whatever you need, you know I'm here for you."

Jay nodded, exhaling. "Yeah."

"What do you need? What happened?" Mouse asked before whispering the last question as if others would be able to overhear even though Jay was in where he used to call "the Mouse cave". "Is it your PTSD?"

"No, no. It's worse." Jay replied. "It's Erin and she's been kidnapped."

Mouse's eyes widened and an understanding came over him. He should've guessed from how horrible and stressed out Jay looked that it had something to do with Erin. After all, Jay had always put her first.

"I'm sorry," Mouse offered, even though he felt that it was useless. He knew how Jay felt about platitudes in situations like this. So he immediately launched into action mode. "So what can I do to help?"

"The kidnapper sent a video with his demands. I don't even know what I need you to do. One of your algorithms or something that will tell us any clue, anything at all of where he has her. I know it's a long shot especially since all I can give you is the video file but I'm just so fucking desperate right now and everyone here is fucking useless when it comes to technology."

"Okay, calm down man. Take a breath." Mouse inhaled and exhaled, waiting for Jay to follow his breathing. "Now just send me the file and let me see what I can do."

Jay nodded, giving Mouse a grateful smile. "Thanks man. You have no idea how much it means to me."

"Hey, no need for that. It's Lindsay." Jay smiled at Mouse's words, sending Mouse the video file.

* * *

If Mouse wasn't in Afghanistan at the moment, Jay swore he could kiss his best friend right now. Because all it took Mouse was a little over an hour and he did something no one in Intelligence could do.

They all stood around in the roll-up by the computers as Mouse was about to relay what he was able to find out from his end.

"So I wasn't able to locate the source of the file, probably because the video was forwarded to me instead of being sent directly," Mouse began, delving into his excited geek talk that no one really understood completely. "So I was wracking my brain, trying to think of any other ways to get a clue about where the video was shot or sent from. So I'm thinking and thinking and thinking…"

"Mouse!" Jay bellowed, trying to pull Mouse back on the correct path.

"Right, sorry," Mouse winced, an apologetic gesture for rambling on and getting side-tracked. "Anyway, I'm thinking and then I thought how about I isolate the sounds and maybe I'll get lucky and find out something from like a background noise or something." Mouse clicked on the keyboard and they all inched closer, trying to get a closer listen to what Mouse played for them. "You guys hear that?"

"Is that a horn?" Voight asked, trying to identify the sound.

"Yep!" Mouse replied, looking proud of what he had found out. "That would be the sound of a ship's horn, signifying its arrival at Port of Chicago. So I did a little research and found the schedule for cargo ships coming into Chicago tonight. A cargo ship from Great Lakes shipping was set to arrive in Chicago tonight, a few hours ago, and it's at the docks on Indiana."

"You know, that room where Lindsay is held, it could be in one of the shipping crates too. They're small, they're dark," Al pointed out.

"Mouse, you're fucking awesome man! You're a lifesaver," Jay gushed, wanting to squeeze the shit out of his best friend for coming through.

"Anytime," Mouse replied, a wide smile on his face. "Now stop thanking me and go get Lindsay back."

* * *

They arrived at the shipyard in record time, Platt giving them all the available uniforms to assist with the search. There were a lot of shipping crates stacked against each other and they knew they had to search through every single shipping crate until they found Erin.

Voight tried to keep Jay by his side, like he was afraid of Jay going off the books to find Erin. Jay would've appreciated the Sergeant's concern if he was too focused on finding Erin. They knew they had to be as quiet as possible, not wanting to tip off David that they were here. All Jay could think of while he searched through one empty crate after another was that this couldn't be like last time, they couldn't get their hopes up for nothing and come up empty handed again.

He felt an arm on his shoulder and he turned around to find Antonio, the older man signaling that he would partner up with Jay on the next search. Jay nodded and led the way, quietly making his way over to the next empty crates. He just hoped he could find Erin and that she was okay.

He pressed his ear against the metal wall, his heart nearly jumping out of his chest, when he heard muffled mutterings from the other side. His ears sifted through the voices until he found the voice that made his heart beat, Jay never been more happy to hear even just the hint of Erin's signature raspy voice. He signaled to Antonio that this was it, Erin was here.

Once again, he counted down to three, his gun ready, and tore the door open.

"Chicago PD! Get on the ground!" he ordered, stepping inside the small container. His eyes immediately landed on Erin, sitting a few feet away, tied to a chair by her feet and arms. Relief made its way into her eyes when she saw Jay, coming to rescue her.

David, on the other hand, was not one to go down that easily. So instead of following Jay's barks to get on the ground, he ran over to Erin and pointed the gun at her temple.

"Come closer and I'll blow her brains out!" David threatened, pressing the gun harder against her head. Jay saw red at the action and he was no longer in any mood to reason with the guy or take him in alive. He fired his gun, knowing that he wouldn't miss. David screamed out in pain when the bullet pierced through his chest, blood splattering onto Erin, and the gun fell from his grip and onto the ground.

Jay rushed over to Erin immediately, Antonio following behind him to secure the weapon and check to see if David was alive. Not that Jay gave a damn. The bastard should be dead, if Jay had a choice.

"Are you okay?" Jay asked, his hands pulling out an army knife to cut the ropes off of Erin. He untied the ropes that were binding her to the chair and he was pulling her to his chest as soon as he could. He buried his fingers into her hair as he gripped her to him as close as possible, burying his face into her neck. "Are you alright?" he asked, his voice sounding every bit as panicked and scared as he was feeling, as he pulled apart. His eyes were scanning her up and down, his hands patting her over and over, like he was searching for a wound that wasn't there.

"I'm okay, I'm okay," Erin replied, sounding relieved and happy to see him there. "Jay!" She grabbed his face, if only to stop him and get him to look at her. "I'm fine." she reassured him. It took him a few seconds for her words to register, Jay exhaling in utter relief that she was unharmed. Jay had her back.

"Fuck, Erin!" he exclaimed, pulling her back into his arms and connecting their lips in a kiss that was hard. Their teeth clacked when their faces smashed together but neither of them registered the pain. They needed the roughness, it reminded them that they were both okay. He kissed her harder, taking everything he could from her for himself. She was gripping the back of his neck like she didn't want him to pull away just yet, not that he had any intentions to. At least not until his lungs decided that he had enough and he coughed, moving his head away from her face. She patted his back, helping him through the coughs that made his chest ache, and soon enough, she was back in his arms. Jay resumed peppering kisses all over her face, her hair, her neck, just everywhere he could reach her, just holding her in his arms.

"I love you so fucking much!" he whispered, his eyes taking her in. The dimples that he loved so much and came close to never seeing again took over her face and he kissed them too.

"I love you. I knew you'd find me," Erin whispered, the two of them completely caught up in the moment.

"Uh hate to break up the reunion," Antonio finally spoke up, having stood there awkwardly for as long as he could. "But people are coming in soon."

Jay laughed, Erin joining in, at how they both completely forgot that Antonio was there and Jay stood up, helping Erin up also.

"Is he dead?" Erin asked, looking at David lying on the ground.

"No," Antonio replied. "He got hit on his right shoulder. The bullet is lodged in but I think it missed any important arteries. The bastard got lucky."

Erin watched silently, standing over her father lying on the ground. She didn't know what to feel about him but for now, she could take comfort in the fact that he had been caught and would be taken into custody.

Soon enough, Voight and the rest of Intelligence arrived at the crate— Antonio having radioed them of their location— and they all stepped to the side as medics came in to help David.

"You okay?" Voight came over to Erin, not paying David any mind for now.

Erin nodded. "I'm okay." She tried to give Voight a reassuring smile before being pulled into a hug by her partner. She smiled as Kim held her, muttering about how Erin was never allowed to get kidnapped by deranged men again.

"Don't worry, I'm not letting her out of my sight ever again," Jay said, coming over to join her and Kim. Erin laughed softly, reaching out to hold Jay's arm.

The retort on the tip of her tongue never got a chance to come out as Jay suddenly collapsed, falling in a heap to the ground.

"Jay!" Erin screamed, trying to hold Jay up before he hit the ground but was unable to. She knelt on the ground as Jay laid unconscious. "Jay, stay with me!"

Erin gripped Jay's hand, not feeling an ounce of strength in return.

* * *

_AN: I want to once again thank everyone for being so patient with my updates. And as usual, I hope it was worth the wait. _

_As for the few that asked about Just Stay by My side, I will have an update. I'm hoping sometimes this week but if I'm being honest, 23 encounters will probably get updated first. My muse is steering me in that direction but I do intend on finishing all of my stories so an update for every story is coming soon. _

_Thanks again for reading and I hope you guys enjoy this chapter. _


	37. Chapter 37

Chapter 37

Erin sat vigil by Jay's hospital bedside as Jay rested, the steady beeping of the machines keeping tracks of his vitals her only company. Everyone offered to stay with her but she refused. Voight tried to intimidate a doctor into admitting Erin overnight for observation but Erin shot that down. She was fine, physically. Mentally and emotionally, she was slowly recovering.

"The poor idiot exhausted himself," Will had told her earlier when Jay was first rushed into E.R. Erin wanted to smack Will over the head for his lack of bedside manner but even she had to admit that the fact that Will was cracking jokes about Jay's condition had eased her fear a bit. If Will didn't seem overly concerned then she had to assume that Jay would be fine. After a slew of tests, they had given Jay something to help him sleep.

With a stern look to everyone, she made it clear that she wasn't moving an inch from his bedside so they shouldn't even bother with trying to get her to leave. Poor Jay didn't even have the energy to argue with her to go home like he normally would. If Erin had to guess though, she suspected that Jay wasn't all that keen on her leaving. Not after what happened the last time she went home.

Erin covered her yawns with her hand, her eyelids feeling heavier by the minute. Despite every bone in her tired body was screaming for her to rest in a bed— or somewhere more comfortable than a rickety plastic chair— she knew it would take a hurricane or an earthquake to get her to move from Jay's side, even if that. She rubbed the sleep out of her eyes and shook her head as if she could shake off exhaustion. She didn't want to sleep. She didn't want to take her eyes off of Jay and she didn't want to stop counting every rise and fall of his chest as he recovered.

She held his hand that was resting by his side and gently grasped it in her smaller one. His hand wasn't all smooth and flawless like hers. Scattered among the faint freckles were scars and blemishes— each one with its own story of what Jay had been through. She traced the scar on his palm that ran from his index finger to his ring finger, one that he got when he instinctively reached out to break her fall and came in contact with a broken bottle on the ground. That was Jay though. Always looking out for her and protecting her. She had heard bits and pieces from her team about how they found her earlier and how Jay pretty much saved her life. Yet again.

She counted each of his fingers, touching each of his fingertips, before turning his hand over so she could keep a hold on him with her hand. She wouldn't let him slip through her fingers. The air in the hospital room was cold but the warmth that was exuding from Jay's hand, the warmth that told her that he was still with her, was all that she needed.

* * *

Erin didn't realize that she had fallen asleep until her head slipped from her hand that was holding it up and she hit the soft bed, startling her awake. She blinked rapidly, getting her bearings, before her attention fell on Jay still sleeping away. Relieved that she didn't wake him up, she stood up and stretched her body.

She opted to sit back down in the small empty space on the edge of Jay's bed and she slowly leaned forward so she could lay the gentlest of a kiss on his cheek, his stubble tickling her. He hadn't shaved in a couple of days and his stubble was growing. She stroked his jaw softly with her thumb and smiled to herself. He was a handsome man— strong jawed and chiseled with sharp features and piercing blue eyes. Somehow all of his sharp features worked together because they were offset by his mischievous grin and smiling eyes. Smiling eyes that she missed seeing. She leaned closer again so she could kiss the delicate skin of his eyelids, making sure to be extra gentle so he wouldn't be woken up.

She heard light knocking on her door and a nurse came in, giving Erin a small smile.

"Morning," the nurse greeted her and Erin returned a morning greeting of her own. Erin stood up to give the nurse room to check Jay's vitals. The nurse jotted down a few things on the clipboard and adjusted a few things on the monitor.

"Is everything okay?" Erin couldn't help but ask. The nurse smiled at her, reassuringly.

"Everything looks fine. Looks like he's still catching on his sleep huh?" Erin laughed lightly before nodding.

"Yeah, he has a lot of resting up to catch up on," Erin replied. She remained silent after that so the nurse could focus on giving Jay the care he needed. Just as quickly as she came, the nurse left just as quickly after. Erin sat back down on the chair and reached for Jay's hands again, needing at least some contact with him.

She looked outside the windows and saw the bright light from the sun. The summer was almost over and fall was on its way. After that, it'd be winter and before she knew it, it'd be a year since she came back to Chicago. It had been one of the best years of her life. Being back in Chicago, reuniting with Jay and returning to Intelligence made her happier than she'd ever been. She felt like she was finally settled and content with herself and her life. Even the ordeal that she went through with Bunny and David wasn't going to drag her down. Erin was more than determined about that. She wouldn't let the past define her. She was ready for the future. The future she was more than ready to share with Jay.

"What got you smiling like that?"

Erin's head snapped to the voice, finding Jay's blue eyes open and his lips pulled into a small grin. Erin's own hazel eyes started to water at Jay finally waking up and she stood up, her hand coming up to cup Jay's face.

"Hi," she whispered, smiling widely. "You're awake."

Jay clasped her wrist that was holding his face and gave her a blinding smile, his eyes squinting from the action.

"How are you feeling?" she asked, her eyes carefully watching his reaction to see how he was really doing.

"I'm fine," Jay replied, Erin expecting the answer from him. She set her eyes on him, trying to coax a truthful answer out of him. "Really, I'm okay," Jay insisted, chuckling. He laced their fingers together and rested their hands on his lap. "Now that you're safe and sound, I'm more than okay. I'm great."

Erin's glare softened up for a minute before she shook her hand out of his and slapped his thigh, the unexpected move taking him by surprise.

"Ow!" Jay hissed. "What was that for?"

"That was for exhausting yourself until you collapsed. For not caring about your well-being, pushing yourself to the brink and for scaring the shit out of me!" Erin scolded him, the memory of Jay falling unconsciously in her arms running through her mind. "I was really scared, Jay," Erin admitted with a small voice.

Jay's face sobered up and he reached for her hand again. "I know," he replied. "I know I did babe. I'm sorry." Erin wished she could stay mad at him for not putting himself first. "You scared me too, you know? Not knowing where you were and worse, seeing you in that video?" He shook his head, letting Erin see just how much it affected him.

"I'm sorry too," Erin apologized, her free hand coming up to cup his jaw. "I'm sorry for scaring you."

"It wasn't your fault. It was mine."

Erin frowned at Jay putting the blame on himself. "How was any of it your fault Jay?" she demanded, not liking Jay blaming himself.

"I was the one who made you go home alone. I put you in David's direct path," Jay explained like it made complete sense to him that Erin getting kidnapped by David was because of him.

Erin scooted closer to him and she firmly held his face, directing his eyes straight to hers. "Listen to me, Jay. This wasn't your fault. Any of it. David was already planning whatever he was planning and he would've got me one way or another. He was dead set on getting his money so he can run." Jay's guilt was still evident on his face as he dropped his eyes onto his lap. Erin sighed and stroked her thumb over his stubble. "Jay, look at me." Jay slowly brought his head up to meet her eyes, turmoil swimming in his eyes. "I love you and I know that you would never do anything to put me in danger. Okay?" She pressed her lips and her dimples popped out. She wanted to expel any last lingering guilt Jay still had about what happened. "Jay, remember Derek Keyes?"

"How could I forget?" Jay replied mirthlessly.

"When I apologized to you for getting you kidnapped, what did you tell me?" Erin hedged. Maybe her words wouldn't be enough to dispel Jay's misplaced guilt but she hoped that his own words that he had told her would.

"It wasn't your fault that I got kidnapped," Jay mumbled, knowing exactly where she was going. He sighed. "It wasn't your fault that I got made as a cop at Midway. I walked into a trap."

"Exactly," she stated, trying not to look too smug. "You didn't know that David would be waiting for me. I walked into a trap. It wasn't your fault just like you told me that Derek Keys wasn't mine."

"You saved me though," Jay protested.

"And so did you!" Erin shot back. "Look at you right now! You're in the hospital, yet again because you pushed yourself to save me." Her lips pulled into a small smile. "I'm only here because of you." She caught his lips in a firm kiss to emphasize her point. Jay tried to deepen the kiss by tugging her body closer but Erin put a stop to it by pulling away. She didn't think it was such a smart idea to make out with a guy who had just suffered from smoke inhalation. Instead, she laid a sweet kiss on his forehead, her lips lingering for a minute.

"I guess we save each other," Jay whispered, his breath tickling her neck. She bent her head down to look at his face. "That's what we do, right?"

She nodded. "Damn right."

* * *

They laid in the small bed, side by side. Erin had her head tucked under Jay's chin, his hand running up and down her arm rhythmically. It was just the perfect peace and quiet they needed after a grueling few days. Just the two of them together. Erin's eyes were about to flutter close for some much needed sleep when Jay's voice broke the silence.

"David, he's in custody right?" Erin nodded, her hair tickling Jay's chin.

"Yeah, they took him in and processed him. He spent the night in lock up before being transferred over to MCC until his trial. He's not going to make bail, not after everything he's done. Not to mention, he's a flight risk."

"Good," Jay voiced strongly, disdain and disgust rang out strongly in just one word.

"How did you know I was missing anyway?" Erin asked, shifting her body so she could wrap her arm around his waist.

"Oh. Uh…" Jay paused, his fingers squeezing the bridge of his nose as he thought of a reply. He didn't want to relieve the harrowing moment when his stomach dropped at finding out that Erin was taken. Nor did he want to accidentally spill out the fact that he was hiding a ring. One that she almost found. "Uh, I just got a bad feeling."

"You got a bad feeling?" Erin repeated, almost amused at his answer. "Like you're psychic?"

"Like an intuition. Not like I'm freaking Ms. Cleo or something, Erin," Jay argued, indignant. Erin laughed at Jay's reply. It was always a good sign when Jay was being his usual smartass self. She pressed her face against his chest, her shoulders still shaking from her laughter. Soon enough, Jay was laughing along with her, his chest rumbling against Erin. He pressed a kiss on the top of her head and his arm hugging her tighter to his chest. "You're ridiculous," he mumbled adoringly.

Erin let out a hum at his remark. "So continue. You got a bad feeling— _an intuition._ And you just decided to check yourself out of the hospital against medical advice?"

"What else was I supposed to do?" Jay responded. "Keep lying in bed like an ass when you were missing?"

"How about putting your own health first, for one?" Erin shot back. Jay just scoffed, like it wasn't even an option for him. "You could've gotten really hurt, Jay," she pointed out, her voice softening. She didn't even want to dwell on the many ways Jay's health could've worsened because he was exerting him to look for her. They were very lucky that the doctor told them that Jay would make a full recovery. He needed rest. A lot of it and Erin was determined on making sure that he'd get that rest. Even if she had to tie him to the bed and be his home nurse.

"I'm fine," Jay asserted, using his two favorite words. Erin rolled her eyes, knowing that Jay was as hard headed as they came. Always determined to play the tough guy. She placed her hand on his chest.

"Is there anything you need? Anything I can do?" Erin asked, wanting him to be more comfortable.

Jay shook his head, pulling her even closer and placing his chin on top of her head again. "No, I have everything I need right here."

Erin smiled against his chest. "I'm really glad that you got that intuition," she confessed quietly, her eyes clutching shut at the possibility of what could've happened if Jay never found her.

He sighed, pressing a firm kiss on her forehead. "I'm just happy that I trusted it," Jay whispered. "That I trusted a hunch. I don't know, it may make me sound cheesy and ridiculous but I like feeling like we're connected in inexplicable ways." He chuckled, laughing at his own confession.

"Me too," Erin agreed, pressing her face on his chest. She closed her eyes, Jay's soft strokes on her arm lulling her to sleep. The last thought that ran through her head before she slipped into slumber was that she was more than ready to be connected to Jay, in life and in matrimony.

* * *

Erin and Jay knew that their peaceful and quiet atmosphere couldn't last forever. A few hours later, Voight and Burgess arrived to check up on them.

"Everyone sends their best," Kim stated, giving them a warm smile. "We're all just really glad that you're going to be fine, Halstead."

"Thanks," Jay said, sounding a bit uncomfortable with the attention. Erin placed her hand over his in a comforting gesture. Jay never liked it when the attention was on him.

"You doing fine Halstead?" Voight's voice was not as friendly as Kim but the genuine concern was clear in his question.

"Great," Jay replied, Voight raising his eyebrow at the stock answer. "Really, I'm fine. I'm just glad the whole thing's over with."

"Speaking of which," Voight began, scratching his nose and looking at Erin. "David's not gonna be a problem anymore. He'll probably never see the light of day again."

"Good," Erin stated vehemently. As far as she was concerned, rotting away in a prison cell was exactly where David belonged. But as she watched Voight's troubled face, she knew he wasn't done with his news just yet. "But…." she hedged, knowing Voight had more to say.

"They're booking Bunny but I've heard chitchats that they're going to let her out with bail," Voight revealed. "At least until her trial."

Jay and Erin looked at each other, wondering what the other was feeling and thinking. To be honest, Erin was just exhausted at this point and she couldn't mustered up enough energy to get angry that once again, Bunny wouldn't have to sit in jail just yet and pay the price for her mistakes. She saw that Jay was feeling the same way as her.

"You know Hank, at this point I just don't care anymore," Erin conveyed with a shrug. "I want Bunny to pay for what she did and I hope that when her case goes to trial, the jury would find her guilty because she is. But everything else, I'm just done."

Jay reached over and held her hand. "Me too," he added. "Bunny is not my favorite person and would never be my favorite person. But she did give us the location in the end, even if the info didn't pan out."

Voight nodded. "Listen kiddo, they're going to take her to the courthouse to arraign her soon. If you want to get any last word in, now's your chance."

Erin wet her lips, debating if she even wanted to see Bunny again. Even though Jay had told her that Bunny did come through for her in the end, it was too little too late.

"I don't know," Erin sighed. Jay gave her a smile, letting her know that he supported her with whatever she decided.

"I think it'll do you some good to get some closure, kid," Voight advised. Erin nodded, knowing that Voight was right. She needed to say a few final things to her mother and she could close that chapter of her life for good.

"You're right." Erin stood up. "I need to see her." She turned back to Jay. "I don't want to leave you alone though."

"Erin, I'll be fine," Jay stated. Erin still looked hesitant.

"I'll stay with Halstead," Voight offered, both Erin and Jay looking surprised. "Burgess can take you to the station and I'll stay with Halstead until you come back."

Erin was about to reject his offer, knowing that Jay wouldn't exactly be comfortable with Voight's presence. But before she could, Jay cut in.

"See, Voight will be here. Go ahead, Erin." Erin frowned, wondering why Jay who was usually so tense and uncomfortable around Voight was suddenly fine with being left alone in the same room as him.

"Okay fine," she said, her voice still wary. She bent down to kiss him quickly on the lips. "I'll be back as soon as I can." Jay nodded. "Thanks Hank." Hank acknowledged her with a nod of his own.

Kim waited for Erin by the door, Erin shuffling to the exit slowly. Before she left, she turned back around.

"Get some rest," she ordered sternly, making sure Jay knew that she was serious with her demand.

"Yes, ma'am," Jay replied, trying to sound serious to tease her. Erin glared at him one last time before she exited, following Kim out the exit.

* * *

Erin watched Bunny sit with her hands crossed in the interrogation room, her mother unaware of her presence on the other side of the mirror. Erin sighed, trying to come up with things she wanted to say to her mother. But she quickly found that futile. She couldn't prepare for a conversation with Bunny beforehand. Bunny was unpredictable and manipulative and Erin's prepared speech would just be rendered useless.

She just wanted to pull the bandage off so she exited the observation room and headed a door down. Bunny looked surprised when she saw Erin.

"Erin," Bunny breathed out. "You're okay! I was so worried when Jay told me that David took you."

Jay had also clued Erin in on how he got Bunny to give up the location of David's warehouse. Of how much convincing it took first and how Bunny tried to get a deal for herself first. Not that Erin was exactly surprised that her mom tried to save her own behind. If anything, Erin was more surprised that Bunny ended up giving Jay the location at all.

"As you can see, I'm fine," Erin stated, waving her hand. She sat down in front of Bunny, her jaw tense.

"Good, baby. I had no idea that David would do that. No clue!"

"Really?" Erin asked, frowning. "You're telling me that you had no idea that the guy who kidnapped women and girls and forced them to have sex with other men so he could get rich could never kidnap me?"

Bunny sighed, knowing that Erin wasn't buying her bullshit. "You're his daughter Erin. I seriously thought that he wouldn't do that. Not to you."

"Why not?" Erin shot back. "I mean aside from sharing half of my DNA, he's no more of a father to me than Mr. Rogers. He didn't give a damn about me. Never has and never will. He only cares about himself." Erin shook her head. "And that's fine, you know. I don't need or want him in my life. Blood means nothing to me."

"You don't mean that Erin," Bunny croaked. "I'm your blood. I'm your mother. We're family!"

Erin chuckled derisively. "Frankly Bunny, that means jackshit to me." Bunny tried to reach for Erin's hand across the table but Erin quickly pulled it out of her reach.

"Erin."

"No, Bunny." Erin sucked in her cheeks, trying to sound emotionless. She was done shedding tears for her mother, done twisting herself inside out for someone who would never love her like a mother should love a daughter. Erin wasn't hurt. She just didn't want to care anymore.

"Erin," Bunny repeated. "I will always be your mother."

Erin let out a soft laugh. "Yeah, that's a fact I can't change. I can only control how I react to it. You're probably gonna make bail, Bunny. I hope you saved up enough money or have someone you can call who will post bail for you. Because I sure as hell won't. And when you go to trial, I hope they find you guilty and you pay for everything that you've done to all those women and girls that you hurt. But whatever happens to you, I'm done." She swallowed and her face hardened. "We're done, Bunny. For good."

* * *

Jay kept looking over at Voight as the older man sat in the chair across from him, his arms crossed and his eyes on the television playing the news. Jay was working up his nerve to talk to Voight, the real reason why he was fine with Voight staying behind.

"You got something to say to me Halstead? Or am I just too pretty that you can't take your eyes off of me?" Voight thundered from where he was sitting, Jay flinching at the sudden question. He had no idea that Voight knew Jay was watching him.

Jay exhaled, trying to look brave. Hell, he was a Ranger. He could do this.

"I do have something to say to you," Jay began, Voight's eyebrow lifting in intrigue. "I know that the past couple of days have been chaotic and Erin's been through a lot with her….with David and Bunny."

Voight crossed his arms tighter and leaned backwards into his seat more, a stoic expression on his face.

"David and Bunny might be Erin's biological parents but they're not her mom or her dad," Jay continued, feeling braver as he let out his thoughts. "You are by all means Erin's father. At least in all the ways that matter. I know she loves you and I'm so grateful to you for stepping up when she needed you because I don't know where me and Erin would be if you hadn't. You're the reason why she came into my life and it's now a life that I can't imagine without her in it." Jay felt beads of sweat starting to form on his forehead as Voight gave no indication that he knew where Jay was going with his speech. That same damn stoic look on his face.

Jay sat up straighter in his bed, pulling the blanket off of him. He was about to do something important and he wasn't going to look like some helpless fool while doing so.

"I want to spend the rest of my life with Erin," Jay stated, his voice strong and confident. "I'm going to ask Erin to marry me."

He waited, gauging Voight's reaction. The older man was giving him nothing.

"So what?" Voight finally spoke. "You want my permission?"

Jay shook his head. "No." He could tell that he took Voight by surprise with his reply. "I'm not asking you for permission. I think we both know that Erin would kill me if I did," he added with a fond laugh. "But like I said, you are someone important to her and I wanted to let you know before I do. Man to man. Father to a guy that's hopelessly in love with your daughter."

Voight puckered his lips, his expression unreadable. After what felt like hours, Voight stood up and approached Jay in his bed. Jay watched with wary eyes, wondering if Voight was going to punch him in the face for telling him that he was proposing to Erin.

"You know how I felt about you and Erin getting together at first," Voight said. "I tried to keep you guys apart, thinking that it was the best thing for _both_ of you. But I was wrong and I can admit that. You promise me years ago that you'd always have Erin's back." Jay nodded, remembering the promise he made to Voight right in the middle of the station. "You've proven over and over again that you'd keep your promise."

Jay tried not the flinch when Voight suddenly reached over and placed his free hand on Jay's shoulders.

"I need you to make me another promise," Voight began, squeezing Jay's shoulders.

"Anything."

"I need you to promise me that you'll continue loving Erin the same way you do right now. That you'll continue having her back and you'll make her happy."

Jay looked right into Voight's eyes, nothing but certainty and determination in them. "I promise, always."

Voight nodded. He held his hand out, Jay's eyes widening at the gesture. Jay brought his hand up and shook Voight's hand.

"Then I guess all I can say is welcome to the family, Halstead. I'll make sure to put away my shotgun when you come over for dinner."

Jay laughed, releasing an exhale of relief. Voight cracking a joke. Or at least Jay hoped. That was reassuring. Now all he had to do was find the perfect way to propose.

* * *

"Are you okay?" Kim asked as she waited for Erin by the lockers. Erin was splashing water on her face after her conversation with Bunny.

"Yeah," Erin replied, drying her face off with some paper towel. "I just really needed that."

Kim walked over next to Erin and placed a comforting hand on her shoulder.

"If you want to talk, you know I'm here," Kim offered, Erin giving her friend a grateful smile.

"I know. Thank you," Erin replied, pulling her partner into a hug. She rubbed Kim's back, appreciative of the fact that she had a good friend to rely on.

"Ready to go back and see Halstead?"

Erin smiled, itching to be back by Jay's side. But she wasn't quite ready yet. She had another plan of her own first.

"Actually, I do need your help with something," Erin began, Kim giving her a curious look.

"Sure, what do you need help with?" Kim asked, sounding both curious and unsure of what Erin wanted.

"You're the romantic one out of the two of us and you're so creative."

"Alright, enough with the compliments," Kim said, laughing. "I told you that I'll help. Now what do you need help with?"

Erin exhaled, excitement bubbling through her. "I need you to help me come up with the perfect way to propose to Jay."


	38. Chapter 38

"Thanks again for coming with me."

"What better way to spend my rare Saturday off than looking at jewelry?" Will commented. Jay's mouth parted at Will's statement, ready to apologize for dragging Will out with him. Will just chuckled. "I'm just kidding with you, man," he said, patting Jay's back. "I'm happy to be here. I'm actually honored that you picked me to do this with you."

"Who else, man? You're my brother." Jay's words brought a smile to Will's face. The two brothers had come so far in their relationship and now there was no one closer to Jay— aside from Erin— than Will.

Will bit back whatever sentimental reply he had on his mind and just cleared his throat, holding back his emotion. "Anyway, why are we looking at rings anyway? I thought you already had one picked out."

"I do," Jay replied while his eyes scanned over all the different options of engagement rings that were displayed in the case, all shimmering and sparkling under the lights.

"So why are we here then?"

"It doesn't hurt to look right? Make sure that it's the perfect ring for Erin."

"Something tells me that Erin isn't the type of girl that cares too much about these things," Will pointed out. Jay nodded, fully agreeing with Will. But just because Erin wasn't superficial about certain things, it didn't mean that she didn't deserve the best of the best. All Jay knew was that the ring had to be perfect. He had always envisioned slipping his mom's ring on Erin's finger and it had taken him a long time to accept the fact that his dream of doing that would never happen. He had mostly accepted it now and that the ring had found a good home on Natalie's finger had helped but if he was honest with himself, there'd always be an ache whenever he spied the ring on a hand that didn't belong to Erin.

Jay shifted his attention back onto the rings, his eyes searching for one that would be better than the one he currently had. He had purchased his current ring a couple of months ago, almost on a whim. Not that his intention to propose to Erin was a whim. No, that was an inevitability. Not a matter of _if_ but _when_. But one day when he visited a jewelry store with Antonio to interview a witness, his attention was caught on the engagement rings in the display cases. Then he visited the store once again— this time, alone— and picked out a ring for Erin and quickly hidden it in his sock drawer. That ring had saved Erin's life because if it wasn't for his fear of Erin finding the ring, they never would've figured out that Erin had been taken. So yes, he was grateful for the ring but there was something inside him that wanted to find a new ring for Erin. One that would take Erin's breath away and would have her saying 'yes' to spending the rest of her life with him. One that he wouldn't see and automatically think of almost losing Erin or her selfish parents.

"That one looks nice," Will said, pointing out a round-cut diamond ring with colored stones on the band. It was big and gaudy and all of a sudden, Jay had second doubts about bringing Will with him.

"You're kidding right?" Jay asked, grimacing. "That's quite possibly the ugliest ring I've ever seen." Will looked offended. "Man, Natalie is lucky that you proposed with mom's ring instead of buying one yourself."

An uncomfortable look came across Will's face and he wet his lips. "Yeah, about that. I'm sorry, man." Jay frowned at Will's impromptu apology. "I know you had your heart set on giving Erin the ring. You and Mom were always closer and I know that she'd wanted you to have the ring."

Jay shook his head, not wanting Will to feel guilty about it any longer. "Hey, stop. Mom loved us both, equally." Will gave a little scoff, like he knew it wasn't true. "She did!" Jay insisted. "Was I closer to Mom? Maybe. But it didn't mean that she didn't love you or wanted you to have the ring as just much. That's why her wish was that whichever one of us that gets engaged first should get the ring. Not Jay should have the ring."

"Still…"

"Still, nothing." Jay said firmly. "Okay, do I wish that I could give Erin mom's ring? Yeah, I won't lie. I do. But at the end of the day, you have just as much of a right to the ring as I do and you proposed to Natalie first and Natalie's a good one. The ring is in good hands and being worn proudly by someone that understands the importance of the ring and that's all that matters."

Will nodded slowly, accepting what Jay was saying.

Jay put his arm around Will. "So if we're done with our girl talk, I'd like to get back to looking at the rings."

"You're still an ass," Will commented, pushing Jay's arm off. "If you didn't just get out of the hospital, I'd punch you in your pretty face."

Jay just grinned, keeping the fact that he had been out of Med for a month to himself. No need to get himself hit due to his smart mouth. And really, he was just happy that he was back on his feet and back to normal. No matter how much he enjoyed having Erin's full attention and her doting on him for the past month, he was quickly getting cabin fever so getting back to full duty felt like absolute heaven.

"Yeah, yeah," Jay mumbled, shifting both of their attention back onto the rings. "How about that one?" Jay asked, directing Will's gaze to a cushion cut diamond ring with a thin and simple studded band. It was different from the princess cut one that he already had in his possession. While that one was beautiful in its simplicity, this one was breathtaking. It was simple enough but there was something special the way the cushion cut diamond rested in its setting while going overboard.

Jay got the attention of the saleswoman and pointed to the ring to get a closer look. It looked even better up close, the diamond studded band circling the center diamond in reverence. Jay tried to imagine himself getting down on his knee and proposing to Erin with this ring. He saw it clearly in his head— the way Erin's mouth would part in surprise, the way her hazel eyes would shimmer with unshed happy tears as the diamond reflected back in her eyes, the way her face would break out in a happy grin as she said 'yes' over and over again as she agree to spending the rest of her life with him and the way she would jump into his arms. It was perfect.

"This is it," Jay whispered, his mind caught up in the perfect scenario playing out in his head. "This is the ring."

Will took the ring from Jay. "Whoosh," Will whistled, his eyes widening when he saw the price tag on the ring. "Damn, that's one expensive rock."

Jay grabbed the ring back from Will to check the price, seeing the almost five-figure price tag. "Yeah," he agreed. "But it's worth it." Nothing was too much to see that look on Erin's face.

"You have that much money? I mean, you're still paying off the other ring, right?"

"Yeah but I can still return the other one," Jay replied. "This is more than I was expecting to spend but this is the one. I know it."

"Damn," Will let out another whistle, this one sounding more impressed. "I didn't know you detectives get paid this much. Hey, want to spot me a few thousands so I can go on a second honeymoon with Nat since you're loaded now?"

"Shut up," Jay grumbled, his eyes still on the ring, watching the way the diamonds sparkled under the lights.

Will laughed, shaking his head. "Seriously, though. Can you afford this? The ring's gorgeous and all but you don't want Erin ripping your head off if she finds out that you put yourself in a hole to pay for it."

Jay knew Will was coming from a good place with his concern. "Yeah, I can," Jay replied, debating whether he should let Will in on a secret. He sighed, seeing the still concerned expression on Will's face. "Okay, I'm gonna tell you something and I don't want to hear your smartass comment."

"Got it."

"I can afford this because I have been saving. Putting aside money for a while," Jay confessed.

"How long?"

Jay pursed his lips before answering. "I started saving before Erin and I moved in together."

"The first time?" Will asked, interrupting.

"Yes, the first time," Jay replied, rolling his eyes.

"Just making sure," Will held up his hand, showing that he didn't mean anything snarky by it. "Wow, that's a long time then."

Jay nodded. "Yeah. I mean, I knew that one day me and Erin would end up here so I thought it was a good idea to start putting some money aside. I thought I already had the ring at the time so the money was mostly for the wedding. Then me and Erin broke up but for some reason, I couldn't take the money out of the account so I just left it untouched." Will gave Jay an understanding look at his confession. Jay shook the memory of the time where he and Erin were apart out of his head. "Then Erin came back and we were together again. So I started saving again, this time adding more than before."

"Got it," Will said.

"Yeah, so I can pay for the ring and have a good amount left for a nice wedding. I know Erin isn't concerned about things like this."

"Jay, that girl would marry you in a courthouse in her pajamas if she had to," Will added.

"Yeah, I know," Jay agreed, a gentle smile coming over his face. "Me too. But just because Erin isn't the type to need these things to marry me, I still want to give them to her. She deserves the best and if I'm lucky enough to spend the rest of my life with her, you better bet I'm gonna do whatever it takes to give her everything she deserves."

Will listened intently, smiling proudly. "She's a lucky girl," Will said, squeezing Jay's shoulders. "You said she deserves the best? I think you're the best thing for her."

"I can only try," Jay replied. The two brothers shared a small sentimental moment before stopping themselves. Jay cleared his throat.

"So this is it?" Will asked, asking about the ring.

Jay looked at the ring one more time. "Yeah, this is it," he said confidently. "This is the perfect ring to propose to Erin with."

"Well then brother, let's get you engaged."

* * *

Erin was enjoying a moment of quiet in the break room when Kim barged in, an excited expression on her face when she spotted Erin.

"So?" Kim asked as she sat down at the table.

"So, what?" Erin asked, wondering what Kim was talking about.

"Did you propose to Jay yet? Are we getting an Intelligence wedding?"

Erin shushed Kim, her eyes glancing out of the room to make sure no one overheard. "Shh, Kim."

"Sorry," Kim mouthed. "So?" Kim tried again, this time lowering her voice. "Did you propose yet?"

"No."

Kim frowned. "Why not? You asked me for help to propose to Jay and that was a month ago. What's the hold up?"

Erin pursed her lips, shrugging. "I...it's not like I've ever proposed to someone before. I'm not even sure how to go about it. I mean, I'm not one for what's conventional for women and what isn't but what do I even do in this situation? Do I get down on one knee? Do I get Jay a ring?"

"Jay does not need a ring to say 'yes' to you," Kim scoffed. "He's crazy about you."

Erin nodded. She knew the depth of Jay's feelings for her. That wasn't the problem. She was just in a new and uncharted territory for her. Before Jay, she wasn't even sure that she was the type to want marriage and now, she was planning on proposing? This was out of her realm.

"You guys have talked about marriage before right?"

"Yeah," Erin replied, thinking about all the conversations they've had about their plans for the future. More specifically to the conversation they had back at Jay's cabin back in January, where Erin had opened up and let Jay in on fully. Where she had told him that she wanted to marry him and spend the rest of their lives together. "We've talked about getting married before."

"And are you guys on the same page?"

"We are."

"Then Erin, you just have to take the next step," Kim advised her. "I know you guys. I've been there from the start when you two were just partners. I've seen Jay with you and without you. Trust me when I say this, Erin. He's the happiest when you're here. You make him happy. He'll say 'yes'. He'd be crazy not to."

Erin knew Kim was right. She just had to be brave and just take the next step. Only then, would she get everything she wanted in life.

"You're right," Erin admitted. "You're absolutely right."

"I usually am," Kim teased, smiling as Erin rolled her eyes and pulled her best friend into a hug.

"Hey, we need to go!" Antonio interrupted, popping his head in through the door. Erin and Kim shared a quick confused look before quickly jumping into action and following Antonio.

* * *

"Sergeant Voight, I'm Commissioner James," the state trooper shook Voight's hand as the group gathered together for a briefing. They had been called to a location on the outskirts of Chicago, all of them wondering just why Intelligence's presence was needed. "Thank you for coming."

Voight shook the offered hand and gruffly asked the reason for their attendance. Although by the amount of state police vehicles as well as other law enforcement officers gathered together, they could take a guess that something big was going down.

"George Davidson, 36," Comm'r. James began, holding up a mugshot of a white man with scruffy beard. "He was released on parole from SCC last month for good behavior. Suppose to check in with this P.O every other day but missed his check-in earlier today. The P.O went to check up on him and found his room at the halfway house empty, all of his belongings packed up and gone."

"He broke parole? Seems a little bit excessive for a parole violation, isn't it?" Voight asked, glancing at his team.

"It would be if he didn't just kidnap his ex-girlfriend and their daughter," Comm'r James replied coolly, finally getting down to the details. "His ex-girlfriend's house was broken into and a 911 call was made."

"Who made the call?" Jay asked, writing down the details in his little notebook.

"Her current boyfriend, Jared Waller. He came home from work to find their house broken into, his girlfriend Rebecca, 30 and her daughter Lila 4, missing. We've instantly issued an Amber alert for the missing child. The neighbor reported seeing a green GMC Savana van around the time of the kidnapping. They were able to give a partial plate and it was reported stolen from a shopping center parking lot. We were able to track the van to here but by the time we got here, Davidson was able to get away with the two victims in tow."

Voight nodded, pursing his lips. "How can we help?"

"We have some intel on Davidson's history. He grew up in Chicago before relocating to Rockford but some of his family are still here. We have eyes on them, just in case he tries to reach out for help. You guys know the city better than anyone, we're hoping to use your expertise in locating him and rescuing the victims unharmed."

"Any lead on where he might be right now?" Antonio asked, all of them ready to jump into action, especially since a little girl's life was in danger.

"We've got a couple, all being checked out right now. What I'm actually hoping for is that you guys can reach out to your contacts and see if you can dig up anything in the meantime."

"Got it," Jay replied, getting the hint that the commissioner was looking for them to use their C.I's to help.

Comm'r James gave them a nod of appreciation and they all set out to track down George Davidson.

* * *

Erin hurriedly followed her team into the small trailer, the temporary command center for the manhunt. Kevin had said something about getting a hit from one of his CI's before hurrying off to share the intel with the people in charge.

The already small trailer was made even smaller by the amount of people in it. The commissioner was there, along with Voight. There were a couple more troopers inside and now, all of the Intelligence members.

"Serge, we might have a lead," Kevin announced as they made their way in, all gathering in the middle over a table with the map of Illinois opened. "One of my C.I knew Davidson. He said Davidson had burned bridges with his family and friends in Chicago so there's no way he's staying here. However, he does have family in Kenosha, Wisconsin. A cousin of his, same type of guy. Similar history of incarceration, real loyal. He might be heading there."

"Great," Voight bit out. "Do we have a name for this cousin?"

"Not yet," Kevin replied. "But my C.I is working on it and as soon as he gets it, we'll get it."

"Okay then let's focus on the route he might take to get to Kenosha," Comm'r James commanded.

"The easiest path will be through Zion on highway 137. Less traffic than the interstate. It'll take longer to get to Kenosha but it might be a worthy trade-off to have less eyes on him," Jay ventured an educated guess.

Erin took a closer look at the map, trying to find a potential route that Davidson might take. "The 137 runs right by the Illinois Beach State park. Plus, he ditched the stolen car and we have no idea what kind of car he's in right now. It's like taking a stab in the dark."

"I think we might've just caught a break," one of the troopers called out as he hung up his phone. "One of the troopers just called in a stolen vehicle. The car belongs to Davidson's aunt."

"That's him then. That's Davidson."

"What's the car make and model?" Voight asked.

"'09 Honda Accord, silver," the trooper answered, giving them the plate number. One of the other officers entered the plate number into the computer, trying to track it down.

"We caught the vehicle on camera. Last seen passing by a Chase bank," the officer informed the group.

"Pull up the image," James commanded, all of them heading toward the camera.

Adam pointed at the picture. "I know where that bank is. The on-ramp for the 137 is right by there."

James and Voight looked over at each other before turning to the group. "Alright, that's our lead. That's what we've been waiting for. Let's go grab this bastard."

* * *

Fifteen minutes later, Erin and Kim were speeding down the empty highway 137, just one of the many vehicles in the hunt for Davidson. The last thing they wanted was for George Davidson to actually cross the Illinois border and turn the manhunt into a multi-state manhunt so time was of the essence. He had already gotten a headstart and none of them knew the state of how the victims were. All they knew was they needed to get to them. Fast.

"What would possess a guy to kidnap his ex and their daughter and drag them to another state?" Kim wondered, shaking her head.

Erin just shrugged. "People get desperate. Who knows what these people are thinking or how they're able to put their own child in danger?"

"She's only 4. She must be so scared," Kim voiced, sympathy and worry for the child filling her voice.

"Yeah," Erin nodded. "But her mom is with her and can protect her."

"Right and we know that there's no one stronger or scarier than a mama bear when her cub is in danger," Kim replied.

Erin just smiled tightly, her experience of what a mother was like being vastly different from Kim's. Bunny wasn't certainly a model mother and Erin still remembered all the different times she could've ended up in danger by one of the strange men Bunny brought around and Bunny being too high or hungover to do anything to help her. Erin just hoped that Lila was safe and that Rebecca would be enough to protect her daughter, at least until they can get to them.

They raced down the highway, grateful that the road was empty even at this time of the day, allowing them to catch up to Davidson quicker. Erin could hear the helicopters overhead and the bright lights of the sirens behind her, all of them going as fast as they could to catch Davidson and save Rebecca and Lila.

"The Illinois Beach State Park is coming up," Kim let Erin know as they started coming up to a large forest.

"There's nothing but campgrounds here," Erin said, remembering a trip that she and Jay had taken years ago. One of the rare times that Jay was able to drag her out to nature and had her sleeping on the ground. Jay's cabin in the Wisconsin woods was the extent of 'roughing it' that Erin preferred but she had let Jay convince her to try camping— 'actual camping, not that glamping crap', Jay had said— for a weekend. She had blamed it on being in love as she had to trek through the dark campground whenever she wanted to use the restroom. Thankfully, Jay had mercy on her and never brought up taking her camping again.

"There shouldn't be a lot of people, right?"

"Not in this weather," Erin replied. "Unless they're crazy." No one wanted to sleeping outside in the frigid weather but as Erin saw a couple of R.V parked, she wouldn't put it past some people.

"Where's Jay and Antonio going?"

Erin frowned at what Kim said and looked behind her in the rearview mirror. Jay and Antonio's car had been following behind her all the way but they had suddenly swerved into a path leading into a forest.

"Serge, we think we see Davidson's car. We're pursuing it," Jay's voice came over the radio.

"Shit," Erin cussed as she and Kim followed Jay and Antonio's action and swerved into a gravel path, leaving the paved road of the highway behind.

"Halstead, location!" they heard Voight barked into the radio but there was nothing but static coming from Jay and Antonio's end.

"Sergeant, we're following them," Kim spoke into the radio. "We see them a few feet ahead."

Erin held the wheel, trying to keep steady as the car drove down the unpaved gravel path. There was nothing but trees surrounding them, the path barely leaving room for one car.

"Do you see Davidson?" Erin asked, trying to see if she could spot Davidson and the Honda Accord he stole.

Kim had her head out the windows. "No," she said as she came back in, shaking her head. "God, it's cold!"

They remained on the path, Erin keeping her full attention to the road while Kim constantly spoke with Voight on the radio, trying to keep everyone in the loop. They were still unable to reach Jay and Antonio on the radio so Erin had to hope that Jay could see her car right behind him, letting him and Antonio know that they had backup in her and Kim.

Finally, they came to a clearing and they could see a campground to the side. It was pretty empty at this time of the year, only a couple of RVs parked far apart. Kim still had the windows down and they felt a stiff breeze, indicating that the beach was close by. Jay and Antonio pulled into the campground and Erin sped up to catch up with them. The road was finally big enough for more than one car at a time and as Erin sped up, she finally saw the back of the silver Accord a few feet ahead of them.

"Where is he going?" Kim pondered, both of them lost as to what Davidson's plan was. "There's nothing but the campground here. Unless he plans to drive straight into Lake Michigan."

Kim's question came too soon because the Accord slowed down but didn't stop fully. Instead, the car slowed down enough for the passenger door to open and a person came flying out.

"Shit!" Both Erin and Kim shouted as they saw a woman tumbled onto the ground, her body rolling over a couple of times from the force. Antonio came running out of Jay's car and immediately went over to Rebecca to check on her.

"I got her. You go after Jay!" Kim shouted as Erin stopped the car right next to where Antonio and Rebecca were. Kim jumped out of the car to assist Antonio. Erin heard Kim immediately called for help on her radio. Knowing that help was coming for Rebecca, Erin focused her attention on going after Davidson who still had Lila in the car and to provide backup for Jay who was chasing after them alone.

Davidson was driving even more recklessly than before, barely dodging the various picnic tables, trees and the firepits set up in the campground. Jay was doing a good job of staying right behind Davidson but keeping a healthy distance to not force Davidson to drive even faster and harm Lila. But they knew that there was no way they could let Davidson get away, not with the little girl still in the car with him. Erin kept up with them as best she could, her heart pounding through her chest. Everything was happening so fast and she and Jay were completely alone with Davidson. She didn't know if the goosebumps forming on her skin was from the chill of the weather or the adrenaline pumping through her veins. She only hoped that everything would end without anyone getting injured, especially Lila.

She saw Davidson sped up, trying to head away from the campground and toward another clearing and the sandy beach. Erin heard faint sounds of sirens, signifying backup coming for them. Jay was still tailing the car, popping his head out of the window to order Davidson to stop the car. But of course, Davidson didn't heed Jay's orders, still driving recklessly. Reckless enough to get himself and his daughter hurt.

It was just as Erin feared as Davidson lost control of the car as it transitioned from the smooth grass covered ground and nicely paved roads of the campground to rugged and rough pebble covered ground. The car swerved, Davidson trying to regain control of the wheel but the high speed and the uneven ground proved to be too much as Davidson lost all control and it collided into a R.V parked next to a tree in front of them.

"Fuck!" Erin quickly raced over to the collision and got out. Jay was already there first and he ran over to the car, his hand holding his gun.

"C.P.D!" Jay shouted, shouting at Davidson to stand down. The Accord was completely smashed, the car nudged in between the RV and the tree. The driver's side seemed to have taken the brunt of the hit. Erin's heart leapt out of her throat when she came in front of the accident scene, praying that Lila was on the passenger side of the car instead of the driver's side.

"Jay!" Erin shouted, her gun out.

"Erin, check on the child!" Jay yelled before he ran to check the RV to see if anyone was inside. Erin immediately jumped into action as she peeked into the tinted window, trying to find Lila. She found the girl in the back seat, thankfully on the passenger side. The girl was crying, Erin hearing her scared cries outside the window.

"Jay, she's okay!" Erin shouted as Jay ran over to her side. They tried to open the car door but it was sealed tight, most likely from the impact. "We need to get her out!"

"RV's empty too. No one's inside. We need to break the window." Jay ran over to his car, trying to find something to break the glass down. Erin remained by the girl's side as Lila kept on crying, Erin doing her best to offer comfort from outside of the window. Jay came back seconds later, carrying a steering wheel lock. He pulled out the metal rod from the lock and jumped onto the trunk of the car.

"Tell her to keep her head down, Erin," Jay directed. Erin nodded, trying to get Lila's attention. Davidson seemed to be passed out in the front seat, his head lulling to the side. But their priority was getting Lila out first.

"Hi, sweetie!" Erin yelled through the window, Lila looking at Erin with tearful eyes. "Can you keep your ears covered and your head down?" Erin asked, demonstrating for Lila what to do. Lila was still crying so Erin repeated her words. "Like this, sweetheart!" Erin shouted, trying to find a balance between keeping her voice calm and making her voice loud enough for Lila to hear. "Like this!" she tried again, putting her hands over her head and bending down.

Lila finally followed, her small hands covering her head and she bent her head down, resting her head against the back of the front passenger seat.

"Got it. Go, Jay!" Erin said, giving Jay the all-clear. Jay swung the metal rod a couple of times, shattering the back window on the driver's side of the car. They heard Lila's high pitched screams as the windows shattered. Jay kicked in the remaining glass before jumping inside the car, quickly unlatching Lila from the seat.

Erin jumped onto the hood of the trunk, her arms waiting to pull Lila out. Jay handed her the little girl, Erin quickly clutching her to her chest as she jumped off of the trunk and onto safe ground.

"You're okay, Lila. You're okay!" Erin kept on repeating as Lila cried. "You'll be alright!"

Jay emerged a few seconds later, quickly running over to where she stood with Lila to check on them.

"You alright? She okay?" Jay asked worriedly. Erin was finally able to pull Lila away from her chest long enough to check her injuries. Aside from the tear tracks on her cute little face, Lila was unharmed.

"She's fine," Erin exhaled, relieved that the little girl was okay. She and Jay shared a relieved look with one another. A look that lasted for barely a few seconds because they had another task at hand. Getting Davidson out.

"He's completely unconscious," Jay said. "We need to get him out."

Jay ran back over to the car and tried to open the front passenger's door, just in case. But just as they predicted, it wouldn't open.

"Can you pull him out from the back?" Erin asked, still holding Lila closely to her chest. The little girl had calmed down a bit, more sniffling than full on crying. But she was clutching Erin tightly with her tiny fists, not wanting to let go of Erin.

"I don't know," Jay replied. "He looks like he got a head injury."

"Backup will be here soon," Erin reasoned. "Maybe moving him isn't a good idea."

But the choice to wait for backup was quickly taken out of her hand when a familiar scent permeated the air. Erin sniffed the air a few times, her eyes meeting Jay's as recognition dawned over them both. Jay knelt down to check underneath the car.

"Don't tell me…"

Jay nodded, confirming their suspicions that the collision had caused the gas to begin leaking out of the car. Erin exchanged worried looks with Jay while making comforting shushing sounds to keep Lila calm.

"We need to get him out before the car catches on fire," Jay said. Erin nodded, agreeing with Jay. They both knew that no matter what Davidson did or what kind of a person he was, they couldn't let him go up in flames. They needed to save him.

Quickly formulating a plan, they knew they needed to move as quickly as possible. Even though the chances of the car catching on fire was relatively slim, they'd rather not take the chance at all.

"Okay, sweetie. Stay here. We'll be right over there for a quick second. Okay?" Erin placed Lila on the ground, a few feet away from the car. "Stay here. Don't move, okay?"

Lila just nodded, looking like she knew what Erin was asking of her.

"Good girl. You're so brave," Erin smiled, dropping a quick kiss on Lila's head. Erin took off her coat and draped it over the girl, protecting her from the harsh winds. "Stay here!"

Hoping that Lila would stay put, Erin ran back over to Jay's side. Jay had already broken the passenger side's window.

"Okay, let's do this," Jay said as he hopped onto the hood of the trunk again and shuffling his body inside the car. He made his way over to the front passenger side and began kicking the door from the inside while Erin pulled as hard as she could on the outside. The door gave way a little, making loud creaking noise.

"Almost!" Erin grunted as she pulled. Jay gave one hard kick to the door and the door finally busted open. It was hard to keep the door open, Erin using all her strength to keep it open just long enough for Jay to carefully unlatch Davidson from the seatbelt.

"Coming out!" Jay warned as he lifted Davidson and began pulling him out. Jay had his arms underneath Davidson's armpits and was pulling him out, trying not to move him too harshly.

Erin heard the faint sirens getting louder and the backup finally getting closer to where they were. Jay came out of the car backward, still pulling Davidson and the two tumbled onto the ground, Jay taking the brunt of the fall.

Erin kept the door open while Jay dragged Davidson further away from the car, getting as much distance between them and the collision as they could. Erin let her hold on the car go and helped Jay lift Davidson to a safe distance.

Both she and Jay were out of breath by the time backup and help arrived. Even though the wind was still blowing hard around them, they were still covered in sweat from the physical exertion. But at least, both Lila and Davidson were safe.

Erin and Jay backed away as they let first responders more equipped handle the car and take care of Davidson. They were far more focused on Lila anyway. Erin was about to pull Lila into her arms when Jay beat her to it. Erin's eyes widened in surprise as Jay picked up Lila and held her in his arms. The girl seemed unsure for a second but the gentle and loving look on Jay's face quickly reassured her that Jay was safe and she held onto his shirt in her hand.

Erin could've melted at the sight of Jay holding Lila, protecting her, as he whispered soft comforting sound to the girl. This was the Jay she completely adored. Loving. Gentle. Caring. Erin stepped closer to them, placing her hand on Lila's back and she looked up into Jay's eyes, trying to communicate just how much she was in love with him without words. The way Jay's eyes softened and the way his face slowly broke out into a tender smile told her that Jay got her message all the same.

If those cues weren't enough, the way Jay reached down to grab Erin's hand and squeeze it was just further confirmation of it.

* * *

It was a long process to wrap everything up. Rebecca had been taken to the hospital already and Davidson had also been transported to the nearby hospital, with police presence of course. The medics had a hard time separating Lila away from Jay and Erin because the girl started crying every time they tried. Jay was having a hard time himself letting go of the girl. In the end, they found a compromise. Jay held Lila in his arms as the medic checked the girl over.

Lila was given the all-clear to their relief and the traumatized girl remained in Jay's embrace, finding him to be the safe place she desperately needed at the time. No one had to heart to separate her from Jay and Erin.

"She'll be okay," Jay reassured Erin as they sat on the back of the parked ambulance. Lila was lying on Jay's lap while Erin sat next to them, her hand softly stroking Lila's hair, trying to coax the girl to sleep. Jay could tell by the look on Erin's face that she was still worried and he wanted to reassure her.

Erin smiled and nodded. "Yeah, she'll be okay. Thanks to you."

"You too," Jay immediately returned. After all, it wasn't just him that saved Lila. They both did it together. "You saved her too." Erin's lips lifted into another smile, a little less worried and more genuine this time. "We both did," Jay continued, a smile coming over his face too as he looked into Erin's eyes. "We make a pretty kick ass team."

Erin chuckled, rolling her eyes. "Yeah, I guess we do. We've always have," Erin voiced, placing her hand on Jay's face softly, an even more soft look on her face as she studied his face.

"What?" Jay asked, wondering why she was looking at him like she saw something in him that only she could see.

Erin shook her head, the smile remaining on her lips. "Nothing. I'm...I just realized something."

Before Jay could ask Erin to clarify her vague answer, Voight shouted Erin's name, needing her to give her statement. Erin just squeezed Jay's arm and gave him an indecipherable look before she left his side.

* * *

The sun was about to set. It was hours later before they finally finished wrapping up everything. Rebecca's boyfriend had made his way up to where they were, along with Rebecca's mother. Lila had been released into her grandmother's custody but not before Jay and Erin had said their goodbye to the girl who had a hard time leaving Jay's side. But her grandmother was the familiar face Lila needed to see to detach herself away from Jay and Jay just watched, waving goodbye, as her grandmother carried Lila away.

"Hey, Kim. Where' Erin?" Jay asked a few minutes later. Erin had all but disappeared from the scene after saying her goodbye to Lila. The campground was all but clear by now, only a few Intelligence members and a few troopers remaining.

Kim gestured with her head to the beach, telling Jay where Erin was. "I'm gonna ride back with Adam and I told Antonio to go ahead with your car," KIm told him.

Jay nodded, understanding what Kim was trying to tell him. "Thanks."

Kim squeezed his arm and left to where Adam was waiting for her a few feet away. Jay waved them both goodbye before heading to the beach to find Erin.

He found Erin by herself in the distance. She was standing where the water met the sand, Lake Michigan crashing onto her feet. Jay took off his boots and made his way over to her, sand feeling strange underneath his bare feet.

"Babe," Jay called, trying to get her attention. Erin turned when she heard his voice and Jay felt his breath being knocked out of him. With her hair blowing wildly in the wind, the sun setting behind her— enveloping her in a warm glow like a halo— and the sound of the waves crashing, she looked like she belonged in a movie. A star— his star— that was completely picturesque and perfect. The smile that came across her face at her seeing him only added to the picture perfect view.

Jay joined her, dipping his feet into the water. It was freezing, as expected, but he stayed rooted in his spot as the sand melt underneath his feet from the impact of the wave.

"What are you doing here?" Jay asked her, tucking her hair behind her hair but to no avail. The wind was too strong to keep her hair in place.

Erin shrugged. "Just thinking."

Jay raised his eyebrow, waiting for Erin to elaborate. "You okay?"

Erin nodded. "Never better." She pursed her lips. "Aren't you going to ask me what I'm thinking about?"

Jay was a bit surprised by her question. Jay knew her enough not to pry or push her too much. Erin was the type of person that would share her thoughts and her feelings on her own terms and would shut down quickly if she was pushed. But the tone of her voice sounded like she was teasing, prodding Jay on.

"So what are you thinking about?" Jay asked, indulging her.

"I'm thinking that life is so unpredictable. One day, I'm having coffee in the break room thinking it'll just be another regular day and the next thing I know I'm standing on the beach with you."

"After successfully completing a manhunt," Jay interjected, only adding to Erin's point of how unpredictable their lives were.

Erin laughed, covering her mouth with her finger. "Yeah."

"What's going on, Erin? Talk to me." Jay stepped closer to Erin, placing his hands on her shoulders. Jay wondered why Erin had snuck away by herself to the beach and what thoughts were running through her mind.

"We live such crazy and unpredictable lives, Jay," Erin began, holding onto Jay's forearms. "We never know what's going to happen tomorrow or if we'll even get a tomorrow. It's…."

"Scary?"

Erin nodded. "Terrifying. But it's also affirming. It makes you realize that you can't spend your life scared or worried about tomorrow. You have to grab happiness where you see it and go for what you want."

"You're in a surprisingly introspective mood," Jay teased. "What brought this on?"

"What we went through today," Erin replied. "It just made me realize something. That I have to go for what I want. Grab my own happiness."

"And what is that?"

"You," Erin answered, giving him a beaming smile. "You make me happy. You've always have. And today just reaffirmed everything I already knew. You're the one I want by my side. I don't care if we're chasing some criminal down the highway or knocking doors down. With you next to me, I feel like I can do anything. Nothing is too scary because I have you as my backup. And I want you by my side, forever."

Jay bit his lips, his heart racing. He wrapped his arms around Erin's waist, pulling her close to him. "You have me, always," he promised.

Erin wrapped her arm around his neck and linked her fingers together. "I want you by my side, always, as my backup, my partner, my best friend and…..my husband." Jay's eyes widened in shock as he processed Erin's words, now his already fast beating heart threatening to jump out of his chest.

"Erin, what…" he found himself at a loss for words.

"I'm saying. Jay Halstead, marry me?"

Jay could only let out a chuckle of disbelief at the fact that Erin— Erin freaking Lindsay— just asked him to marry him. "I can't believe…." Jay stuttered, pulling her body flushed to his.

"Marry me," Erin repeated. "We already know we want to spend the rest of our lives together but I want us to spend the rest of our lives together as husband and wife. So what do you say?" Jay was still overcome with shock, Erin waiting for his answer. "Jay?" she sounded nervous, like he could ever say 'no' to marrying her.

"I can't believe this," Jay laughed, shaking his head. Leave it to them to be like this. For him to spend weeks trying to find the perfect way to propose to her and Erin ending up proposing to him.

Erin bit her lips, looking at him nervously. "I mean, you...we've talked about marriage right? That it's something we both want?"

Jay took a deep breath, trying to gather himself. He definitely didn't want Erin to begin doubting that he wanted to marry her. "Yes!" he quickly confirmed. "I mean, yes. We….I want this."

"Then…" Erin trailed off, wanting to know why Jay hadn't given her his answer yet.

"I just…." Jay pulled his hand away from Erin long enough to pull the ring that he had bought earlier that day out of his jeans pocket. "Would you call this a coincidence or destiny?" Jay asked as he held up the ring box.

Now it was Erin's turn to be shocked and her eyes widened at seeing that Jay already had a ring.

"You have a ring," Erin stated, in disbelief.

Jay nodded, opening the box so Erin could see the perfect ring he picked out for her. Her reaction to seeing the ring was just as he imagined and hoped for, her eyes starting to glisten with happy tears.

"It's beautiful," Erin whispered, her voice in awe. "Jay."

Jay smiled and took another deep inhale. Then he took a step back, Erin's arm falling away from his body.

With his happiness and excitement barely contained, Jay got down on one knee and held the ring in front of him. "Erin, I've loved you for years. Whether it was as friends or partners or my soulmate, you've always been the most important person to me. Whenever I close my eyes and try to imagine myself in 10 years, 20 years, 50 years, it was always with you next to me. We've been through so much together and we've taken on everything life has thrown at us together. It made us stronger and it only made me realize even more just how much I am in love with you." Erin was sniffling, trying to keep her tears at bay. Jay, on the other hand, was having a harder time keeping his emotions under wrap. He felt tears gathered in his eyes, threatening to fall as he looked up at the woman that he wanted to spend forever with, asking for her hand in marriage.

"Jay," Erin whispered, her voice trembling.

"I love you so much, Erin. Every day I wake up and I love you more than the day before. Every night I go to sleep as the happiest man on earth because you're next to me. I want to spend every day with you, kicking ass and knocking everything that stand in our way, because I know that together, we can take on anything. You're my partner, my best friend, my forever backup, and hopefully, my wife. So Erin Lindsay, will you marry me?"

Erin was nodding profusely, the tears freely streaming down her face. "Yes," she repeated over and over again, giving Jay the answer he had prayed and hoped for. "I'll marry you, Jay."

Jay slid the ring onto Erin's finger, trying to control his shaking hands. The ring was the perfect fit, the diamond sparkling and shining as the light hit it. But no matter how beautiful the ring looked on Erin's finger, it was nothing compared to how breathtakingly gorgeous Erin looked as she smiled down on Jay, her smile making everything else pale in comparison.

She pulled him up and connected their lips, murmuring 'yes' over and over again against his lips. He felt her tears on his face and Jay was pretty sure his own tears were mixed among her. After giving Erin a breathtaking kiss, he pulled away, wiping away the tears on her face and resting his head against her.

"It's okay," Erin whispered. "Tears of happiness."

"Mine too," Jay returned, his voice just as soft as hers.

Both of them were unable to stop smiling as they stared into each other's eyes, the orange hues of the sunset bouncing off the water behind them. But they remained in their own world, unable to take their eyes off of each other as the rest of the world faded around them.

"I love you," Jay mouthed, his arms finding home around Erin's waist again and tugging her closer to him.

"I love you too," Erin whispered back before Jay covered her lips with his own, the two of them breathing each other in.

"I can't believe you propose first," Jay said after they managed to stop kissing for a second to get a full breath in. "Erin Lindsay, proposing," he teased. Erin blushed and Jay found it completely adorable. "Wait until people find out that Erin Lindsay is a romantic."

"Don't you dare!" Erin warned, smacking Jay's butt, trying to look intimidating as possible but failing due to the wide grin on her face. One that resembled the grin on Jay's face.

"Okay, it'll be our secret," Jay replied. "Only us and our children will know."

Erin rolled her eyes. "Jay."

"Yeah?"

"Just shut up and kiss me."

So he did, both of them completely lost in each other as the sun disappeared behind the horizon.

* * *

_AN: Can you guys believe that it's been one year since I've first uploaded this story? I can't believe how fast time flies. Initially, I was unsure about posting my story and was nervous but I wanted to contribute to the Linstead fandom and do my part in keeping the love going. And now look at me a year later, with 12 Linstead stories, some of them complete and some still on-going. _

_Really, I wouldn't have been able to continue without your support. Your reviews, feedback and responses always motivate me to keep writing and just knowing that there are people that still love LInstead as much as I did out there makes me very happy. So thank you, really. _

_I hope I did this chapter justice. _


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